Transcript
biz ellis
Hi. I’m Biz.
theresa thorn
And I’m Theresa.
biz
Due to the pandemic, we bring you One Bad Mother straight from our homes—including such interruptions as: children! Animal noises! And more! So let’s all get a little closer while we have to be so far apart. And remember—we are doing a good job.
music
“Summon the Rawk” by Kevin MacLeod. Driving electric guitar and heavy drums. [Continues through dialogue.]
biz
This week on One Bad Mother—the more things change, the more they get better! We welcome Back James Arthur M., the host of the Minority Korner podcast. And it’s the last week of [shouting in announcer voice] MaxFunDriiiiive!
crosstalk
Biz and caller: Wooo!
caller
This is supposed to be a check-in. Will probably devolve into a breakdown. Oh my god. Not doing great! My five-year-old has realized—overnight, it seems—that he can get into pretty much every drawer! We never really did a lot of the child locks and stuff. I’ve actually ended up doing them more for the toddler and so they’re kind of newer and on lower things? But for some reason, my five-year-old has just decided that he can get into every drawer and he’s going to and I was not prepared for this. And I don’t know what I’m going to prepare for this. I mean, do I really need to put child locks on for a five-year-old? Or do I have to go through every fucking thing that I own— [Biz laughs.] —and I don’t know. It’s just—y’know, it’s like everything is a choking hazard. Everything is not safe or things that are breakable or—it just sucks. It just sucks! [Crying.] Thanks for the show.
biz
You’re welcome for the show. Listen. [Laughs.] First, I wanna tell you what a good job you are doing. You seriously are doing a good job. This is a great check-in, actually? Because while yes… suddenly realizing that your older child—who you thought wasn’t—it wasn’t gonna be a big deal with like—for example—drawers and that sort of stuff—that changes. It’s more about you. Okay? It’s more about the change. It’s more about… realizing that what was something we thought we could rely on and was comfortable? Suddenly isn’t. And… that is the thing I have always found to be so hard. And it always takes such a huge space in my mind and emotionally. You’re like, [singing] “Everything’s fine! Everything’s going right! [Regular voice] And then one of your kids starts to do something you just never thought was ever going to be something that would enter anybody’s mind to do. And sometimes they just do it once. And that’s it. Or it’s something that happens for like a week. But our squirrel minds don’t let us think like that. Our squirrel minds have us go, “How do I now need to change everything to make sure my kid is safe?” Right? Or that they don’t hurt themselves doing this new thing. Or, y’know, like you said! “Do I have to go through every drawer now? Do I have to go through every single thing? I don’t wanna do that!” No, you don’t wanna do that! And I’m like you! Hey, I’m like you, by the way. Don’t beat yourself up on the child stuff. We, y’know, we didn’t’ have kids that pulled open a lot of stuff. We wound up keeping one or two things with a child-proof thing on it? But for the most part it was just a lotta, “Don’t stick that there!” [Laughs.] Y’know. We moved some stuff around. The stuff that couldn’t break went towards the bottom. So I just wanna say… I really see you. And I think you’re doing a good job. And what I see when I say “I see you”? Is all the emotional and mental space these sorts of changes and shifts can take. They absolutely feel like emergencies. And… there’s very little we can do to make them not feel like that. So you are not alone. And you are wonderful. And I really appreciate you calling in.
biz
You know who I also appreciate? I appreciate you! I appreciate all the listeners. This is the last week of the MaxFunDrive. Next week, I’m gonna go back to saluting all my essential workers and all the people who’ve made this last year possible in the world. [Laughs.] And—so don’t worry. I’m gonna get back to that. But right now I really wanna take the time to thank you. You are the reason we make this show. The MaxFunDrive is two weeks during the year in which we come to you and say, “Thank you for listening. Thank you for supporting the show. If you have not been able to support the show in the past and can now, we ask you to do so.” We are artist-owned. This is my podcast. There is no, like, higher person up who gives me money to make this podcast. [Laughs.] You—when you donate to the MaxFunDrive and select One Bad Mother as one of the shows that you wanna support? You are directly impacting the making of this show. This show would not happen if we did not have your support. So I want to say thank you. For making this show happen. Thank you to those who have already supported. If you can support this year, please go to MaximumFun.org/join. Plus, there are gifts! We’re gonna talk about gifts later. That’s all. Thank you, thank you, thank you. So much! You’re doing a really good job. Speaking of thanking and the MaxFunDrive, I am so very excited because this week’s guest is James Arthur M. of the Minority Korner podcast, another podcast here on MaxFun. So just go ahead and turn your volume down now because we are going to be having a very good time.
music
Banjo strums; cheerful banjo music continues through dialogue.
theresa
Please—take a moment to remember: If you’re friends of the hosts of One Bad Mother, you should assume that when we talk about other moms, we’re talking about you.
biz
If you are married to the host of One Bad Mother, we definitely are talking about you.
theresa
Nothing we say constitutes professional parenting advice.
biz
Biz and Theresa’s children are brilliant, lovely, and exceedingly extraordinary.
theresa
Nothing said on this podcast about them implies otherwise. [Banjo music fades out.] [Biz and James repeatedly affirm each other as they discuss the weekly topic.]
biz
Everybody, I am so excited. This week I am welcoming back one of my favorite people—dare I say, my MaxFun crush—though forbidden fruit. Forbidden fruit. I love this person so much, so let me introduce this person. This person is—surprise!—James Arthur M. He is an actor, a comedian, a Marvel correspondent and host, writer, director, dancer, and choreographer! He is also the host of MaxFun’s Minority Korner, a podcast that takes an introspective look at the world through an intersectional lens. So many “I” words, guys! Welcome back, James!
james arthur m.
Yay! It’s me! [Biz laughs.] I’m here! Uh, we’re doing—is this “One Bad Guncle: Part II? Part Deux?”
biz
It is! It’s One Bad Guncle again. Yeah.
james
Well this is great. I do have updates! I’m even more of a guncle than I was last time we met. Isn’t that wild how much can change?
biz
It can change! [James laughs.] You were here last—just so people know—it was July of just last year! Not long ago! So tell me! What’s changed?
james
I got a new nephew! Another nephew has trim-trammed along— [Biz laughs.] —and I got more birthdays to have to try to remember. But it’s okay if I ever forget ‘cause I’m just—y’know, that’s part of being a bad guncle. You’re just like, “Whoops!” [Laughs.]
biz
What makes—let’s see—I wanna revisit—or maybe I didn’t even ask this the last time. What do you feel the birthday and holiday gift responsibilities are? Because—for example—I—my sister-in-law, she takes on the role of the money that comes according to your age. So—
james
Ahhhh! Yeah!
biz
You get the card and it’s seven dollars in it? You’re seven! And that comes like clockwork. She’s doing such a good job. I realize I haven’t been doing jack shit as an aunt. [James laughs.] And my uncle used to send me—for like Christmas—it was always whatever the weirdest thing was gonna be that you opened? That was it. Including a Freddy Krueger mask one year. Just—
james
Whoa! Hey! You never know! You never know—
biz
Why would you send that? [Laughs.]
james
Well because [through laughter] in case The Purge comes, you put on the mask. No one’s gonna mess with you.
biz
That’s true! That’s true.
james
He had the That’s So Raven foresight and was giving you the gift. The mask.
biz
Thank you. And then there were socks the next year. So it was a real mixed bag.
james
So that way your feet stay warm! [Laughs.]
crosstalk
James: Stay away from me and my warm feet! [Laughs.] Biz: During The Purge!
biz
Alright. So Guncle James.
james
[Through laughter] Guncle James, yes. With the gift-giving, yeah, it’s interesting. ‘Cause right now I have a three- and a one-year-old nephew. I technically have—I think we went over this and this is why I am a bad guncle? [Biz laughs.] I technically also have a nineteen-year-old nephew? But we aren’t really—I wasn’t ready then? [Biz laughs.] [Through laughter] To be a guncle? I really wasn’t ready then. And he’s kind of a spoiled brat and he’s an adult, so it’s just like, “You’re on your own, kiddo. Sorry. Missed the boat. You’re not really living up.” But these ones it’s like, “Okay! Redo! Reset! Here we go!” [Biz laughs.] My three-year-old just turned three and I am in the spoiling mood. I am like, “Let me buy you all the things and—” ‘cause I used to play with Legos as a kid. So I went to the local mom-and-pop shop and I got—I forget what they’re called. They’re not quite Legos? But you put the things together. And I now realize this is that when they—like, three and four? There was actually a really big difference? And the toy said “Four and up”? Guys, let me tell you—I got the gifts and he cannot build these things. The skills are just not there yet. He’s gonna need another year to rev up. And so it’s like he just kinda looks at it and wants me to put it together but then doesn’t have the patience to—I have to build this bicycle? And I was like, “Oh, we’re building the bike!” And he just is like, “No, I got the person. That’s all I need.”
biz
Yeah! “All I want is the person!” [Laughs.]
james
And the I built the bike and then it’s like, “Yeah, let’s put the person on the bike!” He’s like, “No, I got the bike. What do I need the person for? My fingers will do it all!” So I like to give gifts that I feel like are gonna be fun but educational. That’s me. And when they get older it’s gonna be books. Books.
biz
Let me recommend something not to do—or to do. Early on in the parenting game, I believe our oldest, Kat, was four. Therefore any other person we knew who had a child was probably four. And we had these very good friends and it was their daughter’s birthday—turning four—and I think I was sick or maybe I’d had like dental surgery or something? But I was like, “Stefan, go for it. You get the gift. Go to the party. You’re in charge.” [James laughs.] He bought Operation. Now—let’s all be sure—Operation is a horrifying body and you have to [makes zapping noise] like—ahhh! And there’s a horrible noise. And this child, by the way, one of my first interactions with this child—she came over to our house, took one look at our one-eyed cat, Onion, and got very upset because he was broken. So— [Laughs.]
james
No! Oh! Oh!
biz
So I was like, “Wow. I cannot believe you gave this child Operation.” And the mom was like, “Yeah. I really wanna say ‘Thank you.’ For this nightmare that has come into the house.” I know! In fact, I believe that they have just been passing that gift along to other people now. Yes.
james
It’s a holiday fruitcake of its own. “Aw, here’s comes the Operation!” It’s also, too, it’s like one of those ones that I realize the mistake with this one? Is that they’re little pieces and there’s little pieces involved with children—
biz
Gulp!
james
Yeah, “Gulp” and also “Ow” and stepping on these—I’m stepping on these things all the time. So learning. Listen, I’m new to actually giving a damn about being an uncle, so this is new. [Laughs.]
biz
Money, James! Money!
james
I just—you know, you’re so right. It’s just I wanna make that impact. And I didn’t—once they’re older I’m absolutely big on like—I’m big on gift cards, usually?
biz
Oh, you know what? And kids like gift cards! It feels like they give them power. When mine hit about seven they were like, “All I want is a gift card. ‘Cause then I can go and buy things myself!” Yeah. So.
james
Yes. Well once they hit that moment—but I’m also gonna be that guncle that’s like, “Here’s a gift card to Barnes & Noble. Buy yourself a book.” But you know what they’ll do?
crosstalk
Biz: They won’t! They’ll go to the toy section! James: They’ll find themselves in the DVD section! [Both laugh.]
james
Come on, Barnes & Noble! We’re trying to make kids read! Okay, well you’re getting a gift subscription to Oprah’s Book Club. So good luck, little six-year-old. [Biz laughs.] You’ve gotta learn! Pete’s gotta learn! [Laughs.]
biz
You gotta learn! Alright. Last time you were here, there—
james
The world was in disarray even more.
biz
The world was burning. [Laughs.] God.
james
Yeah. Can we take a moment? Woof. Woof. What a different world seven months ago, right? Or however long.
biz
It actually—while there are many things still on the list— [James laughs.] —that need some fixing—
james
Attention? Yeah. [Laughs.]
biz
I will say that there have been some pretty epic moments since then. But I will—yeah. [Laughs.] Thank you, Jesus! Yeah.
james
I—it just made me think—what is it like to parent in the past year? What has that been like? Like, what’s—
biz
Actually, I will tell you. It has been… very… easy, in some ways? In the sense that we know exactly where we fall as a family when it comes to our values? And how we want our kids to walk through the world? And I am very happy that we had already been laying the foundations early on, not only from the perspective of treating people with respect, decency, and listening. And all the stuff you start off with really early that maybe people don’t start off with. But you know, like, “Isn’t everybody beautiful?” Y’know. “Skin color doesn’t—” y’know. I mean, some stuff… you say and you realize that our kids don’t need some of those words. Because they’re not living in the same world like I was living in in the late ‘70s in Alabama. [Laughs.]
james
Right! Sure! Yeah. Mm.
biz
So all these things are still important to say. When it comes to leadership in the country it was very easy to say, “Do you see if they’re listening? Do you—” Y’know. Like, “What would you wanna hear if somebody had hurt your feelings?” Right? Like—
james
OH wow, yeah. Yeah.
biz
So—and then my final soapbox on it is… I feel like the thing that I always wanted to push most with the kids is the listening part? And the being willing to change because you listen. Right? Y’know, I—growth can come from forgiveness. Right? Now I think sometimes forgiveness has a limit. [Laughs.]
james
Yeah. Yeah. I mean, after a while it’s like, “Okay, you’re just a sociopath.” [Biz laughs.] Like, “You’re not gonna change.”
biz
That’s right!
james
“When someone shows you who they are, believe them the first time.” You get one or two and then like, okay, this is—this is you!
biz
Sometimes people are just not okay. [James laughs.] And you’re gonna need to walk away. Right? But like… y’know… don’t behave like the person that you’re having a problem with! Right?
james
Ooh, yeah. ‘Cause then you just become the problem! Don’t be that thing that you’re fighting against! Yeah. Yeah.
biz
That’s right! So that said, that’s been—that part of it’s been easy. But the harder part is talking about—I get to talk about historical changes when it comes, let’s say, for example, to social justice. I can talk about larger things. And one of the things we like to do is use music. I have found music to be a really way of talking about race in this country?
james
Yesss! Yeah.
biz
Y’know. We’ll be listening to somebody. “Oh, do you like them? They were really popular when—in the 1940s. Blah, blah, blah. Can you imagine? They had to go in a different door to where they were playing this song!” Right? Like you can stick stuff in, but then I will say… the George Floyd murder was hard. Because you’re talking about murder. Right? You’re talking about somebody—and it’s not just George Floyd. It’s all of the deaths and the mistreatment and the—especially when it happens to young kids?
james
Yeah.
biz
And like, sometimes my kids will go out and play with a toy and I’ll be like, “You know what? I’m not gonna let you play with a toy gun out in the front yard. Because other kids can’t play with it.”
james
Yeah. My mom—I think I told you this last time I was on the podcast. My mom would not let us play with toy guns. Very much cartoon-y Nerf gun, like that was it. And I didn’t realize that as a kid what it was. And I think my parents kind of had this philosophy of like—I learned about race. They didn’t really teach me! They were just sort of like—I don’t know. I didn’t really—my mom had to engrain into us of “There are no limits because we are—because we are Black it is a gift. You are—you come from ancestors who’ve done so much. Like, kings and queens and Martin Luther King, Jr.” So she taught us to always be a leader and not be a follower. But I will say, in some ways I don’t know—there’s no perfect parenting guide. I don’t know if it was—and we didn’t have “the talk” that I know some Black families have of what you do when you get stopped over. And in some ways I now look back and I’m like, “Oh! I understand all those different moments that happened to me.” And I’m like, “Oh I wish… do I wish that my mom and dad taught me?” But I ended up learning. In some ways it was a little bit ignorance is bliss. So when do you tell? Because this is the reality of the world. When do you have those conversations with kids—with Black kids—of like, “Your life is gonna be different”? Or even with white kids of—you have certain privileges. Or there is systemic racism. ‘Cause these are the issues that they are—we’re not gonna fix it in our generation. But we’re gonna move—you and I, we doing it. We moving that needle as far as we can. But kids, you’re gonna have to come and pick up the slack a little bit. Y’know?
biz
Well, so here let me ask you a similar question. It has been a—I will say, I was listening to that conviction come through. I stopped the car and pulled over. I was so thankful when they convicted the man who killed George Floyd. And I wanted to run through Old Town Pasadena like, “Did you see?! It happened!!!” But I was like, well, that—I’d look like that crazy opposite Karen that may also be a Karen?
crosstalk
James: A Sharon? Is that Sharon? Sharon! [Laughs.] Biz: That’s Sharon! More of a Sharon! An “over-Sharon.” An “over-Sharon.”
james
I think that is—‘cause Sharon’s heart is in the right place. Just doing too much. [Biz laughs.] That is definitely, “Oh, Sharon, we love her. Uh…”
biz
“We love Sharon. She tries. Oh, she tries.”
james
She tries. Okay, Sharon. We got it. We are…
biz
Just don’t talk… don’t talk politics with Sharon. Alright. So James, tell me—I mean, please represent all people of color and gay people. How has the last year been for you? [Laughs.] [James laughs.]
james
A rollercoaster. I think the one thing that is reminded me—I listen to a lot of Oprah and so things are happening to you. They’re happening for you. And I think it’s been a year of understanding my own resilience and that I come from a people and ancestors of resiliency. What I think I’ve been grateful for is… compared to last time when the Black Lives Matter movement first was happening, I feel like people were more open. I felt, for one, the more confidence going in and saying—in any space that I’m in?—“I’m gonna talk about race.” Or “I’m gonna makes jokes.” Or be like, “Eh, that’s very white of you.” And I feel like there is space for me to be able to do that. [Biz laughs.] Or even in like my day job. I’ve been leading a lot of workshops around this—conversations around race. I’m actually moving into the world of PeopleOps, which is rebranded HR. And my job is Diversity, Equity, and Inclusion! Yeah. ‘Cause HR… y’know. You’re like, “PeopleOps! We don’t know HR.” [Biz laughs.] But my job is literally, y’know, clocking, “Okay, how are we being racist? How many white people over there? Okay, let’s have these conversations.” And I think it’s been exhausting? And—but it’s for myself this is the work that I know that I have space to do. I know that not every Black person has that space. And I hold it up for them? But that’s only when I put my own oxygen mask on and sometimes my oxygen mask is running a little bit empty? But when we—by the time we got to the trial of the murder of George Floyd, I didn’t watch any of it. I couldn’t. I couldn’t. With also doing the podcast that I do, there was—there’s other issues for me to be able to—don’t—there’s a list! There’s a lot of other things going on! [Laughs.]
biz
No, no, no, no! You only get one thing at a time, America. [James laughs.] And that’s it. And then once that’s taken care of, all done!
james
Yeah. [Laughs.]
biz
Oh, there’s a list?
james
We got a list. I would say that it opens some of the other things. But I was still keeping track. But I honestly think I—like, I don’t know. I was hopeful but I also would not have been surprised—
biz
I wouldn’t have been surprised.
james
—if it went the other way. And it’s like, “Great. We got… not justice, but accountability?” And the work just continues. And it feels… it’s also like, take a moment. We all had to be on the edge of our seat, wondering if accountability—for literally a lynching happened! Right? It was just legalized lynchings. And so it just shows… and there’s more that are still happening, right? So it’s like, “Okay, one accountability happened.” So it’s like there’s no time—I feel like this is gonna be a decade that’s gonna make or break this country. It’s gonna be the Reckoning Twenties. And I think everyone’s like, “Oh, 2020—"
biz
That doesn’t sound as fun.
james
“What a crazy year!” It’s not, but we’ll be so grateful for have doing this work for this decade and look back. “Wow, the ‘20s. We made stuff happen. We… we didn’t take our breaks. We didn’t just go back to business as usual. WE kept that momentum and we kept pushing” and I think that’s what this decade has to be.
biz
God, I hope so. Wouldn’t that be great? Let’s make t-shirts for that. We should—you should—alright, done.
james
“Don’t sleep! Don’t sleep! Stay awake, y’all!” [Laughs.]
biz
“Don’t sleep ‘til reformation!” Alright. So. Well let’s talk about Minority Korner. I would like to. I wanna preface this with—everybody, this is the last week the MaxFunDrive—this is the time of year where we turn to our [singing] communityyy [regular voice] of listeners. And ask you to support these shows. James’s show is owned by James. It is a—it’s his podcast. Right? There’s no like… he doesn’t have a boss. He’s the boss!
james
No. Well, I am the boss. And sometimes my boss?
crosstalk
James: He’s a little—sucks. Like, oh god. Biz: Yeah. Your boss sometimes kinda—talk to your PeopleOps.
james
I’m like, “Really? Okay. I gotta do more research?” or “Okay, gotta do this.” But you know what? I—it’s a love/love relationship at the end of the day.
biz
That’s right!
james
My boss is hard but fair.
biz
Hard but fair. One Bad Mother, also. It’s mine!
james
I mean, same deal! What a gift—isn’t it nice? I feel like we’re like—y’know, we’re literally like—we have a band but it’s not a band, it’s a podcast? Like we’re literally, y’know. Garage bands.
biz
Every step. Yeah.
james
And sometimes you just add to your garage.
biz
Well and we’ve been around a while. You’re busting through the 300s! And—
crosstalk
James: Bam! Kool-Aid man style! [Laughs.] Oh yeah. Biz: —episodes! Which is a—[Laughs.]
biz
“Yeah, yeah, yeah!” Anyway. That was my Kool-Aid man, by the way. I realize that—
james
Oh, he’s jazzy! I like your Kool-Aid man!
crosstalk
Biz: It bordered on Cher. “Hey, hey, hey!” James: No! I like him! [Laughs.]
james
Cher does the Kool-Aid man! “Hey, hey, heyyy!” That was Jennifer Hudson style. [Biz laughs.] I get them confused. [Laughs.]
biz
Wait, sorry. Yeah. That was—that was fun. Alright, guys. Oh, FYI—James and I—speaking of MaxFunDrive—are hosting the finale. The two of us.
james
Yeah. Y’all are in for a treat. It’s gonna be a Mr. Toad’s Wild Ride. We might end up in Hell by the end of it. So… strap in! [Laughs.]
biz
Turn the volume down! Turn the volume down! James and Biz are gonna be yelling at you through the YouTube!
james
[Laughs.] Oh my god! That’s a good—true. Good advice.
biz
The whole point—James. So tell us what you’ve been doing on Minority Korner? Well, tell us a little bit about it for people who may not have discovered it yet. And then tell us what this last—tell us about your list. Tell us what you’ve been looking at!
james
Yeah! What have we been taking care of? Oh, man. [Biz laughs.] Yeah. Well Minority Korner came about—y’know, I was—lived in the heels of Michael Brown. And we felt like there was no podcasts that were having intersectional conversations. And not that everything we talk about on Minority Korner is like, “Ah, sexuality and race and da-dah,” but it does inform our viewpoint and how we see the world and when things come up and how we even look at a movie. And we’ll bring up certain points like that that maybe other folks won’t see. Like, “Hey, the background diversity of Star Wars: Episode 7? Really great and really amazing! Rogue One? Not great! There are only four women in that entire galaxy!” [Biz laughs.] But I love in Star Wars: Episode 7? I always look at the background extras. And on the good side and the bad side, there’s women of different backgrounds pushing buttons. That’s what I wanna see. Everyone—[Laughs.]
biz
I know! Well you also—you also had the lesbian kiss at the very end of the Skywalker—the last one! There was the, “I’m running! Mwah!”
crosstalk
James: Love it! And that’s what we love to see! And my eyes always lock in onto that. Biz: Yeah. Lotta ladies—yeah.
james
Like it’s—I’m like, and I’ll let you know if, like, oh, this show, it’s too many white people. So I can recommend something to somebody else for you. So—but we dive into the politics, pop culture, just the zeitgeist of the country. It’s—we do it with some laughs and we do it with some giggles! We just answered the question—on our most recent episode—“Is the Kentucky Derby racist?” Renee Colvert from Can I Pet Your Dog? Was on.
biz
What was the answer?
james
Well, we realized that— [Biz laughs.] —when you ask about things that take place in America, you shouldn’t as, “Is this racist,” you should ask, “How is this racist?” Because the answer [through laughter] is—you already know it’s gonna be racist? You wanna know the how! Like, okay, yeah, yeah, yeah, we know it’s racist. But how exactly. That’s what I wanna find out. Y’know.
biz
Oh yeah. So where did you fall on the Kentucky—well, people should listen to see where you fell on it. But I will say, did you have any input on the hats? That seems very stressful to me. That you have to wear hats.
james
Well that shows you how—it’s very—I haven’t done the deep dive into that. But something tells me there’s something queer behind that and I mean that in the best way? That there’s a gay hand who were like, “Oh, we gonna have hats.” Like, “Ooh, they gonna be big and pretty.” Like that’s got “gay” all over it. So now we know there’s intersectionality with that? But the first Black jockeys—the first jockeys—thirteen out of fifteen of them in the Kentucky Derby were Black. It was one of the most lucrative jobs that Black folks could have. We also recently in our 300th episode did a deep dive into Pauli Murray, who—if you don’t know Pauli Murray—you can check out the 300th episode. But Pauli Murray, they had a hand into everything. They’re one of the organizers of NOW—the National Organization of Women? They helped pretty much—they coined the term “Jane Crow, “ similar to “Jim Crow.” They were Black and probably if they were a lot queerer—and probably if they were alive today—would’ve been classified as trans. And so a trans historical hero who was working on the frontlines of the Civil Rights Movement, the Women’s Rights Movement, and all these things and you never hear about them. So we really like to highlight just… we don’t know our history and we have some fun and our giggles as we go along here. ‘Cause if we’re not also laughing we’re just crying and we… y’know. We gotta throw a dick joke in there every once in a while. So. [Biz laughs.] Can I say—kids gotta learn! Kids gotta learn. [Laughs.]
biz
Kids gotta learn! Well, no. But I—y’know. I strongly agree that—
james
About the dick jokes?
biz
Oh, strongly agree on the dick jokes. But the humor. And I’m sure there is a, y’know, thesis paper out there somewhere on marginalized groups using humor to—as a resilience technique. To talk about difficult things.
james
People are usually more receptive—also, too, I found this with comedy. Is it’s sort of like feeding someone broccoli but putting sugar on top of it? ‘Cause you’re just like, “Here’s a thing that’s good for you. We’re gonna put some sugar. Sweeten it up.” And people—when you get them laughing? It puts their defenses down. It’s one of the things I used to love about doing stand-up comedy. I was making people think about things! “Oh, that’s true. Yeah. I didn’t think about how that—oh, yeah. Hey, I am kinda racist in that way. You’re right.” [Biz laughs.] But can I ask—so you have had like 400 episodes! I am following in your shadow. In your footsteps. What’s—400 episodes! What is that like? For one, did you ever think… that you would be here 400 episodes later? And what has been—how—I’ve a series of questions. I’m just gonna throw them at you. You can answer them or not. Did you ever think you’d be here? What has helped you to stay here this long? And what is—how have you grown and changed through doing this podcast?
biz
Oh. Why would you ask me these questions, James?
james
You know Oprah’s my hero, so I wanna know!
biz
Alright! [James laughs.] So one—no. I thought—I can remember back when we first started the podcast and… with Theresa. I said, “I can’t imagine us doing this more than two years.” Right? [Laughs.] Like I just thought, “I can’t—” I don’t think that had anything to do with who’s gonna listen or whatever? It was just, “Ehhh, two/three years, tops.” But I will say the thing that’s changed and that I wrestle with right now—as we are at this 400th mark—is the thing that I thought made it so special was Theresa and I coming at things from different perspectives. And talking about our experiences. I no longer have the partner to talk with but not I have guests on and we talk about different stuff. But it’s not the same as like… being able to say, “And then I cried for eight hours straight.” [James laughs.] “And I wondered if I was raising sociopaths.” Right? Like—y’know, how that made me feel. Right? And I’m the one who’s like, “They’re probably fine!” But I’m the one who’s staying up at two o’clock in the morning going, “Jesus, that was probably a horrible mistake! And why am I beating myself up about this?” So—yeah. So with that element sort of… gone at the moment it makes it feel like—well, where is this year gonna go? And… I don’t know! I don’t know. But I’m… up for… continuing to try and figure it out.
james
Yeah! Well I wanna give you some snaps and celebrate you for a moment because—
biz
Oh, okay!
james
—it’s not—as someone who knows what it’s like when your cohost—who you started this show with—and who—same. Like, Nnekay—love her. She comes back every once in a while.
biz
Oh, she’s so great.
james
Isn’t she great. She’s—love her. Y’all have heard her here on this show. So that moment of like, do we—do I continue going? And I just think you have this thing that’s like—but there’s still more that I think that there’s a community here? That you’ve built. And there’s still more work to be done and still—sure, there’s other podcasts who are saying things. But your perspective is so unique and that’s what people come back to. Is to hear that. And sometimes I just wanna applaud you because you and the team here at One Bad Mother have continued to continue going! And I know your community really loves that and appreciates that. And y’know… just as much as—they’ve been there with you and you’ve been there with them, too, as their lives have changed. And such bananas times, I’m sure this has been such a bedrock for your listeners. And I know this year wasn’t easy and to continue going on, so I just wanna celebrate you and Gabe and the team here for just keeping it going.
crosstalk
James: I know your audience and listeners support it. Biz: Well Gabe has been my pandemic miracle. [James laughs.]
biz
I swear, having Gabe come on the show has just been a real gift. And yeah. I really appreciate that. And when I sit there and I think, “What can I continue to offer?” It—y’know, one of the things that drives me is, A, for people to stop feeling like shit about themselves. And two, continuing to use this as an opportunity to bring in as many voices—
james
That’s one thing I can say I have enjoyed about doing the “I am the permanent guest—I am the permanent host and there’s cohost—"
biz
You’re the permanent host, yeah.
james
I’m the permanent host. But it’s nice it’s like, I get to hang out and chat with people who I don’t think—that same thing. I’m always now like, “How can I get more voices here on the podcast?” Y’know, and there’s the rise in violence towards Asian-Americans—uh, AAPI folks. I’m just like, “Okay, let’s make space and bring them onto this show.” And just like, it’s been a different pivot? And challenge? But I’m right there with you. We’re able to give more voices to other folks. So it’s a pivot.
biz
Well, everybody listening—James and I mean exactly what we just said. It’s weird, though, that it’s timing out with MaxFunDrive. [Both laugh wildly.] I promise we would’ve said this anyway.
james
100%! Yes!
biz
It is MaxFunDrive. And if our voices—which, y’know, could launch a thousand ships— [James laughs.] If our voices are important and have had an impact in your life and you would like to continue hearing these voices and see where we wind up! This is the time to do it. Donate. You can support both of our shows at the same time!
james
It’s just two little clicks! Boop-bop! And look at that! Look at you! Supporting these works! Yes!
biz
Done, done, done! Alright. Guys. James? Thank you so much for joining me.
james
What a pleasure this was.
crosstalk
Biz: I adore you. James: Any time. I adore you, too!
biz
I am looking forward to celebrating the end of MaxFunDrive and all that was accomplished in just a shoe—a few—a shoe fort days.
james
A shoe fort days! [Biz laughs.]
biz
A few short days. Yeah! Friday. Friday the 14th, May 14th, at 4PM Pacific Standard Time. So it’s gonna be a little later for you on the East Coast.
james
You’re right. Yeah.
biz
And everybody check out Minority Korner. And everybody go support Minority Korner with a little clicky-poo. A little clicky-poo!
james
Just a little clicky-poo! [Laughs.]
biz
You can clicky-poo on us, too. And all the shows that you love at MaxFun. And make sure you’re following Minority Korner and James and myself and One Bad Mother and MaxFun on all the social medias, ‘cause that’s where the really weird stuff is happening.
music
“Ones and Zeroes” by “Awesome.” Steady, driving electric guitar with drum and woodwinds. [Music fades out.]
theresa
Hey, you know what it’s time for! This week’s genius and fails! This is the part of the show where we share our genius moment of the week, as well as our failures, and feel better about ourselves by hearing yours. You can share some of your own by calling 206-350-9485. That’s 206-350-9485.
biz
Genius fail time. [Singing] Genius fail time! Here’s Theresa! We all know that that means she’s here! Woo! [Theresa laughs.] [Regular voice] Theresa! Hello.
theresa
Hi.
biz
Welcome, welcome, welcome!
theresa
Thank you!
biz
You’re welcome. As you know, Theresa, it’s the MaxFunDrive.
theresa
Oh yeah.
biz
It’s happening right now. This is the last week. And before we get into sharing the humiliating and very powerful moments of our lives, I wanted us to talk about the genius that is supporting One Bad Mother and supporting MaxFun. I’ve already talked at the beginning of the show and you know ya gonna hear it at the end. All the spiritual benefits. [Laughs.] [Theresa laughs.] Of supporting this community. So right now, let’s get to the more tangible benefits of supporting One Bad Mother and MaxFun and talk about giiiifts! Because when you donate during the Drive, that’s when you get [singing] giiiifts! [Regular voice] So Theresa, I would like to ask you to talk about the $5 and $10 level, please.
theresa
Yeah! I can do that! Obviously you can sign up as a MaxFun member any time at any level that is comfortable for you. But right now during the Drive, if you sign up at the $5 monthly level, you will receive access to all of the bonus content for not just this show but all the MaxFun shows. And our show has been going for eight years now— [Biz laughs.] —so we have eight years’ worth of bonus content. We’ve done different kinds of things every year but it’s always something a little different but a little the same? Like, it’s the show but a little something special. And there’s a lot of good content. Not just from this year, but from past years. And then if you donate at $10 a month, you will receive not just the bonus content, but a super adorable/very kind of awesome enamel pin. It’s a Cake Parenting pin. So I mean, you can’t go wrong.
biz
When people—when you’re at the playground and people are judging you and they’re like, “Is that a helicopter mom” or some other bullshit “mom label” that society puts on all of us to make us all feel bad about ourselves and our choices? You’ll be proudly wearing a Cake Parenting pin and everyone will know that you Cake Parent. And that Cake Parent may be the only way to parent. It’s the real—the real parenting.
theresa
I feel that wearing a Cake Parenting pin will make me feel grounded— [Biz laughs.] —in who I am as a person and as a parent? When I am out in the world. Or in my own home. Like, if I’m—when in doubt, look to my Cake Parenting pin. Maybe touch it gently for reassurance? And I will feel grounded. And I will know who I am. [Laughs.] [Biz laughs.]
biz
That’s right! And what kind of parent I strive to be. And if I have to mull that over while eating cake, I will!
theresa
Yeah!
biz
I will! I think those are two wonderful levels. And in case anybody’s like, [whining] “[Sighs.] Only five bucks? That can’t possibly make an impact!” Why do I do horrible voices for people? I don’t—
theresa
None of our listeners sound like that, Biz!
biz
I’m gonna—I know! I’m gonna do you like my dad. [With lowered voice and slight twang.] “Ohh. Oh. I’m doing my father impression. Only five bucks?! Is that—is that really impactful?” [Regular voice] And the answer is yes! Yes, it is.
theresa
Oh yeah.
biz
Yes it is! So do not—no “only.” Is five minutes of alone time in the bathroom “only” a break? No. It’s—going to the grocery store by yourself, is that “only” going to the—no. It is time alone. So both of those levels have a huge impact. But let’s just say that things are going pretty well and you’d like to donate at an even higher level. You can support this show and MaxFun and all the shows you love at a $20-per-month level and if you do that, you will get not only the bonus content and not only the pin—you will also get the “Take a minute” tea kit, which is something [singing] that we all need! [Regular voice] You will receive the “Take a Minute” tea kit. It is the perfect accompaniment to twenty minutes of rest, relaxation, and hot drinks. You can drink this in the bathroom. Atomic Pixies has designed a lovely, art nouveau-inspired 5x5”-tall tin to hold your loose tea leaves and bags. Or dice. Or pens. Or, y’know, whatever “mommy little helper” you might need. And the Wishes Tea Company made us this special blend of loose-leaf Interstellar Orange Tea, which is tasty hot or cold! A little treat for when you’re hiding in the bathroom. And you’re like, “Biz, what am I gonna drink it in in the bathroom? If I want my tea to stay hot, how am I gonna do that?” Well, if you support this show at $35 a month, you get bonus content, pin, tea kit, and a rocket-themed insulated cup. The cup is not shaped like a rocket. Your child won’t confuse it for their own. [Theresa laughs.] It is an insulated cup with the MaxFun rocket logo on it. Keeps it warm. So you can make the tea, put it in there, seal it up, hide it in the bathroom so that thirty minutes later when you finally get a break it’s there. It’s there.
theresa
Oh. I love that. I love that planning ahead.
biz
Right? [Laughs.] Strategic. And then you can call it and leave that as a genius. Really, no matter what level you’ve got room to support the show, it is incredibly appreciated. We do not take it for granted. It is your way of letting us know that you want to keep making this show. Because it’s your support that allows us to make it. So… any amount. You can also boost your membership if you just have room to up it a dollar or two dollars. You don’t get the gifts, but your impact stays the same. So thank you. Thank youuu! Go to MaximumFun.org/join and [singing] joiiin now! Boop boop! Boop boop! Boop, boop, boop! [Regular voice] And with that said, Theresa? Genius me.
clip
[Dramatic, swelling music in background.] Biz: Wow! Oh my God! Oh my God! I saw what you did! Oh my God! I’m paying attention! Wow! You, mom, are a genius. Oh my God, that’s fucking genius! [Biz and Theresa repeatedly affirm each other as they discuss their respective genius moments of the week.]
theresa
My genius is just gonna be making it through this week. [Biz laughs.]
biz
[Through laughter] Oh god, yes!
theresa
I mean, it just… like, I was sitting here thinking, like, that is—that is my genius moment. It’s been—it’s been a really hard week! I mean, like getting my kids—the return to in-person school for my two older kids has been really challenging. It takes a ton of work. A ton of extra support for them. A ton of confusing scheduling logistics. And… it just—it’s been so much. And that combined with… y’know—Curtis has a runny nose this week? Which means you don’t go to school! Because it’s COVID time! So if you have a runny nose, you have to [through laughter] stay home!
biz
Oh, baby.
theresa
So Curtis was home from preschool all week.
biz
COVID times. Oh god. I know.
theresa
And then we had an IEP meeting this week, and all of this… like, combined with knowing that summer is about to be upon us? [Biz laughs.] Is a real mindfuck, if I may say so. Like, it’s just…
biz
It’s a horror film.
theresa
Doing all of this stuff and it’s a little bit like, “Okay. I’m doing this, but—"
biz
Why?
theresa
Yeah, kinda “why.” “Why?” a little bit.
biz
Because especially—like, everybody’s kids can be sensitive to change and schedule. Okay? And sometimes when we’ve got kids who are more sensitive to that, sometimes the question is—is this worth it? Knowing that— [Theresa laughs.] —there’s a really small window before it becomes something else again.
theresa
It changes again. Like there’s very little to achieve here. Yeah. Yep!
biz
Yeah. Yeah! You’re doing an amazing job. And that is genius.
theresa
Thank you.
biz
That is genius! Because, I mean—any “just this week,” Theresa. It’s been a long fucking year.
theresa
Yeah.
biz
Yeah. And you’re doing a really good job.
theresa
Thanks, Biz.
biz
My genius is I am going right after this—right after I say goodbye to Theresa—I’m going to get shot number two! [Singing] Going to get shot number two! [Regular voice] So that in itself is a genius. But the next level to this genius? Is just preparing for the worst. And even if the worst doesn’t happen? I have prepared everyone in this house. The best way to help me not have the worst experience is to just get in bed immediately. So—
theresa
Yeah! You need to go to bed after this.
biz
I need to go to bed. Actually, last week Stefan had his second shot? And I just had emotionally prepared myself to not have him for the whole weekend. Right? In case he got sick! And so when he came home and he was like, “Oh, I’m a little off,” I was like, “Go lie down.” Because I’ve already cleared that mental space in my head! And I let him just—I just kept sending him to the room! I was like, “No one’s expecting you to be out here. You should just be resting.” And he said, “Next weekend, this is how we’re gonna operate.” And he never got realy sick. He just had the cloudy head, y’know? But I was like… “Just fucking… rest!” [Laughs.] Jesus! So I’m doing that. I’ll be catching up on Picard. I’m looking forward to that. Or I’m gonna get horribly sick [through laughter] and sleep for 24 hours. So that—that is my genius. Thank you.
theresa
Good job, Biz. Congratulations.
biz
Thank you. Thank you.
caller
[Answering machine beeps.] This is Robin in Seattle and I have a genius moment. My oldest kid has finally returned to school and I have one hour and forty five minutes between when I have to drop off the younger kid at preschool and pick up the older kid from school. That’s enough time to do one thing, usually, and today? I used that time to be a Self and I went swimming by myself and it was amazing. And I am a genius. Thanks. Bye-bye.
biz
You are a genius!
theresa
Yes. You’re a genius.
biz
This is the mind-flip we have to do in these new times. Listening to you talk about that schedule, and again—we could just talk for months about every single person you see is getting screwed by some crazy-ass schedule that they’re supposed to accommodate when it comes to kids, school, work, life, all of it. ‘K? So somehow you gotta get your children to two different schools and two different times and it allows you to have an hour forty-five minutes. Get all the stuff done! In the pre-COVID times, a lot of us would’ve just sat in the car. [Laughs.] Just waited for pickup. Y’know? Gotten some unhealthy food choice. [Laughs.] Sat there because we deserved it. Sat there and done it. And… you instead—because we’ve all just lived through this and we are still living through it!—you instead took that window and treated it like the window it was. And it’s amazing? And you did a good job. And I am so glad it felt good. You’re a genius. You really are. Good job.
theresa
Yeah. Good job.
biz
Failures. Fail me, Theresa.
clip
[Dramatic orchestral music plays in the background.] Theresa: [In a voice akin to the Wicked Witch of the West] Fail. Fail. Fail. FAIL! [Timpani with foot pedal engaged for humorous effect.] Biz: [Calmly] You suck! [Biz and Theresa repeatedly affirm each other as they discuss their respective failures of the week.]
theresa
Okay. So yesterday I mentioned that my four-year-old, Curtis, has been home this week with a runny nose. And yesterday as I was getting myself ready for a meeting, Curtis wanted to… make potions with water and food coloring.
biz
Mm-hm. Sure.
theresa
And I was like, “You know what? That’s fine! I—that’s fine. That’s great. We’ll do it outside.” And I got a little tray and I got the things and I set it up. And while Curtis was playing with all of the little things, Oscar came over and needed help with something on his iPad. With his Minecraft settings or whatever. And I got very distracted doing that. And by the time I looked back, all of the food coloring was in the different cups. Which was fine. I mean… we’re using up the food coloring. Whatever. Whatever. But then I stepped inside to get—I don’t remember what. A napkin or something? [Biz laughs.] And when I came back down, Curtis had decided to try to carry the whole tray into the house. And had, of course, tripped on the doorway and dropped the tray with all of the food coloring. All over the floor. The shoes. Clothes. I somehow was wearing white pants. [Biz laughs.] For some reason.
biz
Mother’s Day just happened! So you gave yourself a treat, wore some white pants!
theresa
Yeah. And… and so it was… I mean, I didn’t lose my mind or anything? But it was just so epic. Like the amount of mess. The floor is still stained. I mean, it’s food coloring, but like… it stains. And then Curtis’s hands and my hands have now been purple for 24 hours. And I was just—it was one of those things where I was like, I thought that I could be relaxed about this and it would be fine and it would be fun? But instead it ended up being like ten minutes of fun for like mess that lasts a lifetime.
biz
Yeah. For a lifetime of soul-crushing disappointment. Yeah. No. I—parenting.
theresa
Yep.
biz
Ugh. Uggghh! All I can do it make noises at that, Theresa! Because I see it.
theresa
Yep! I know.
biz
I know it! I know it. I’ve lived it.
theresa
I knew it? And I saw it. And I felt it. And I knew what it was as it was all playing out.
biz
When did you remember you were wearing the white pants? When Curtis tripped? Like, was it halfway through the food coloring was in the air— [Theresa laughs.] —or was it like after? If it was slow-mo it would be like a whole scene removed where Theresa thinks about her white pants.
theresa
Thinks about her pants. No, I mean, I think it was—
biz
Or was it like an hour later? [Laughs.]
theresa
Well the thing was, I was aware of it the whole time. And I knew I was playing with fire. But I had a meeting right after and I didn’t’ have time to change! So it was one of those things where I was like, I realize I’m wearing white pants right now and this is really stupid, but I’m just wearing—like, I’m not gonna stop what I’m doing and go change. You know what I mean? It was just…
biz
Yeah. Well the real fail are the pants. So let’s just—[Laughs.]
theresa
Agreed.
biz
As a parent, thinking you can wear right pants. Right.
theresa
Right. Exactly.
biz
Well, you’re doing a horrible job.
theresa
Yes. Thank you.
biz
You’re welcome! Besides the fail that I just did, in which Theresa shared her fail and then I just went somewhere else in my mind for a while— [Theresa laughs.] —waiting for the fail call to start, I’m gonna keep focused on the show failures, and look. I know. If you listened to last week’s episode, you know that we interviewed the lovely Laura Benanti. So wonderful. And if you have been following the MaxFunDrive social media, you know that at a hundred new and upgrading members we released some rather embarrassing tape of my fail. Which was repeatedly insulting this wonderfully talented, kind woman. By mispronouncing her name. To her face. Over and over and over. Three overs! ‘K? And she was so delightful and I’m not trying to live in this moment forever. But maybe I am. Maybe I can’t get out of the moment. But it was one of those things where after hosting this show for this long—for the most part, I’ve been fairly successful. Like, not fucking it up too bad. And suddenly we have somebody on who is socially very well-known person. And it—like—and I just didn’t—I just messed her name up which made it sound like I had no idea who she fucking was. So to make up for that, I’m gonna go buy 200 copies of her book. [Laughs.] [Theresa laughs.] So anyway. You can all hear that fail in the feed right now. But it just was like—Theresa—it just was like—it was like just a second ago where I just went somewhere else! I thought I was right. Thought I was right. But I wasn’t right. I was incorrect. [Theresa laughs.] And I’m very glad she didn’t just leave the show— [Theresa laughs.] —at that very moment. So.
theresa
Well, Biz? I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again. You suck.
biz
[Through laughter] Oh! I do! And it’s so validating to hear it! Now if you need me, I’m just gonna wander off in my mind. [Laughs.]
theresa
[Answering machine beeps.] This is a fail. So I bought a pack of like… grape/cherry tomatoes— [Biz laughs.] —for snacking. For my toddler. And I also like tomatoes. And while I was standing here chopping veggies, getting ready for dinner, I thought I’d chop a few for her. And I like to snack as I go. And I ate the whole container! [Biz laughs.] By myself! So I guess it’s not so much a fail that my kid doesn’t know what she’s missing. But they were really good? But now I don’t have any snacking tomatoes for her so… Instacart, here I come again. My goodness. You are all doing a great job feeding your toddler. I am not. I apparently am very selfish. So— [Biz laughs.] —thanks for listening! You’re all doing a great job. Bye!
biz
Ding-dong. It’s the selfish police. [Theresa laughs.] They’ve come to tell you you can no longer be a mother ‘cause you’ve eaten all the cherry tomatoes! By thew ay, my children live off of those fucking cherry tomatoes. We became the house that goes to the store—y’know, like, you’ve heard me, guys. Talk about the “we once were a one-ketchup-bottle house and now we are like a three large ketchup.” But we are also now a “giant jug of soy sauce” house. But we are also “two-to-three of those little cartons of cherry tomato” house. And they’re gone in two days. So I understand the feeling of not getting a chance to eat those tomatoes. But in this case, you are my children keeping me from enjoying the joy of tiny tomatoes. So I can tell you how scarred your child is. [Theresa laughs.] ‘Cause they really wanted this thing that they didn’t know was even available to them. [Theresa laughs.] You’re doing a horrible job providing yourself with some comfort! [Laughs.] [Theresa laughs.]
music
“Mom Song” by Adira Amram. Mellow piano music with lyrics. You are the greatest mom I’ve ever known. I love you, I love you. When I have a problem, I call you on the phone. I love you, I love you. [Music fades out.]
biz
Alright, everybody! Let’s… wrap up our time with the lovely Theresa. By listening to a mom have a breakdown.
caller
[Answering machine beeps.] [Tearfully] Hi, Biz and Theresa! This is a rant. Or really, this is a mom having a breakdown. I have a three-month-old baby and a two-year-old and I just had to go back to work after maternity leave and I work in the emergency department. Turns out COVID did not go away while I was gone. And my baby has decided to completely stop sleeping this week. And I am so tired. And I’m just worried that I’m not gonna be able to do well at my job and that my two-year-old is really attached to mama right now. And he’s having a hard time. And nobody in my family is sleeping. And I just feel… haggard and broken. And I just… don’t know when it’s gonna get better or if it’s gonna get better. [Sighs.] I think I just need sleep. You guys are doing a great job. Your podcast has gotten me through every late-night breastfeeding session and I couldn’t do this without you guys so thank you. And I just hope I get some sleep. Bye.
biz
I hope you’re listening to this and falling asleep right now.
theresa
Yeah, me, too.
biz
Yeah. But not before you hear us tell you what a remarkable job you’re doing.
theresa
Yeah. Seriously. You brought me right back. Like, you brought me back to that feeling. When you really are not getting enough sleep and you really have a little baby who’s just—
biz
Three months!
theresa
—not sleeping. And you have a toddler. And you’re working and you’re in a high-pressure work environment? I—[lost for words]. What can we do for you? I mean, seriously! [Biz laughs.] Like what—but that’s the thing! It’s like, you nailed it. You just need to sleep. That’s what you need. And it feels so…
biz
Impossible?
theresa
And—but it’s—it feels impossible but it’s also… it’s so… not-okay. To not get the sleep you need. As a human. Like, sleep is… [Laughs.] It’s like—
biz
It’s really important!
theresa
Lowest common denominator. Right? Like we just need sleep sometimes! You’re amazing. And it will get better. But wow. Wow.
biz
And what sucks about this—the thing it reminds me of is yes, it will get better. But the question of how long and when? Like, that in itself is hard. Right? Like, that in itself adds to this. Because it’s unanswerable and… it’s definitely—it’s the kind of thing where I wish we could put signs outside of our door or something that say, “Desperately Need Sleep” so that people knew. And they could come in and say, “Go. I’m gonna sit here. I can absorb all the screaming. All the yelling. All the whatever. You—you go sleep!” Sleep deprivation just fucks us up so bad. And I just… I’m with you, Theresa. I just… know that… whatever you need, we’re here for you. And my guess is that there are some people around you who also are there for you, too. And I wish for you to sleep. And we just really see where you are right now.
theresa
Yeah, we do. We really, really do.
biz
You’re doing a remarkable job. Theresa? You’re also doing a remarkable job. I adore you. And I am always glad to see you every week. And I appreciate you making this show with me all these years. Thank you.
theresa
Thanks, Biz. I am really grateful for you in my life. And this show. [Biz laughs.] And… I’m happy to be here. And I’m wishing you and all of you out there a very happy MaxFunDrive.
biz
Ho, ho, ho! [Both laugh.] James and I were saying that it’s like a holiday! It’s like the time of year where all the hosts kind of get together and get super weird and stuff? Like, “Who’s the uncle who’s in the toilet the whole time?” Yeah! It’s like, that’s—it’s me, by the way. I’m the uncle who’s in the bathroom all the time, hiding. [Theresa laughs.] But it really is like… the rest of the year we all go do our little things that we have to go do. And then during the Drive it’s like, “Heyyyy!”
theresa
“Hey, everyone!”
biz
“How are you?”
theresa
“How are you? I know—"
biz
“Is that what you look like?” [Laughs.]
theresa
“—a thing about you. You’re from that show. Yeah!”
biz
Ohhh! So yeah. Happy MaxFunDrive to you, too, Theresa. So until next week, Theresa—byeeee!
theresa
Byeeee! [Both laugh.]
biz
What did we learn today, everybody? We learned [singing] that my love affair with James isn’t so secret anymore! [Laughs.] [Regular voice] I love him. I just wanna like… I dunno. Watch movies with James all day and then talk about it and laugh about it. So we learned James is a delight. We learned that Minority Korner—that that podcast is so very important, especially when it comes to talking about issues that meet that intersectionality of being gay and being Black. It’s just really… that’s a really important voice to have out there, guys! [Laughs.] Because that exists in the world. [Laughs.] And needs to be heard. So we learned that that is some good, important podcasting work that’s going on out there. And we’ve learned that this is the time of year to support it! Why this time of year? Because it’s the time of year where we give gifts. We’ve told you about the gifts. When you support right now, you get stuff! And we’re gonna link you up to where you can get stuff. But you get bonus content. You can get the really cool Cake Parenting pin. There’s tea! There’s—y’know—teacup! Beverage holders! That you can take out! And I just wanna remind you that if you become a member at the $35 or more level for One Bad Mother? We will have a “Zoom With Biz” Zoom session for the $35 or more new/upgrading members after the Drive. So don’t forget to do that. And I’m just gonna end on saying, y’know, to think about why this podcast is important to you. Is it the Hotline? Your support helps us keep that Hotline open. Is it hearing other voices talk about parenting? Is it important to you just to hear that you’re not alone and that you’re doing a good job? And if any or all of those things are important to you, is there a price you’re willing to… put on that to help make this show keep going. And I can’t emphasize enough that $5 a month makes a huge impact. So once again, go to MaximumFun.org/join to support our show. Everybody? You’re doing a good job. We got through Mother’s Day. We are getting through whatever this stage of the pandemic is. Are we coming back? Are we not coming back? Are we at school? Or are we not coming to school? [Laughs.] And I still have not found any of where I am right now in the world helpful for how I’m supposed to schedule a day and get anything fucking done. Okay? So if you’re frustrated by that, normal. If you are done? Normal. If you just wanna run around and lick all the flagpoles right now ‘cause you’re so over it? Also normal. You have been amazing to have gotten through all this and to keep going. And you are doing—you’re doing a really good job. And I will talk to you next week! Byeee!
music
“Mama Blues” by Cornbread Ted and the Butterbeans. Strumming acoustic guitar with harmonica and lyrics. I got the lowdown momma blues Got the the lowdown momma blues Gots the lowdown momma blues The lowdown momma blues. Gots the lowdown momma blues Got the lowdown momma blues You know that’s right. [Music fades somewhat, plays in background of dialogue.]
biz
We’d like to thank MaxFun; our producer, Gabe Mara; our husbands, Stefan Lawrence and Jesse Thorn; our perfect children, who provide us with inspiration to say all these horrible things; and of course, you, our listeners. To find out more about the songs you heard on today’s podcast and more about the show, please go to MaximumFun.org/onebadmother. For information about live shows, our book and press, please check out OneBadMotherPodcast.com.
theresa
One Bad Mother is a member of the Maximum Fun family of podcasts. To support the show go to MaximumFun.org/donate. [Music continues for a while before fading out.]
music
A cheerful ukulele chord.
speaker 2
Comedy and culture.
speaker 3
Artist owned—
speaker 4
—Audience supported.
About the show
One Bad Mother is a comedy podcast hosted by Biz Ellis about motherhood and how unnatural it sometimes is. We aren’t all magical vessels!
Join us every week as we deal with the thrills and embarrassments of motherhood and strive for less judging and more laughing.
Call in your geniuses and fails: 206-350-9485. For booking and guest ideas, please email onebadmother@maximumfun.org. To keep up with One Bad Mother on social media, follow @onebadmothers on Twitter and Instagram.
Get in touch with the show
onebadmother@maximumfun.org
@OneBadMothers
@onebadmothers
How to listen
Stream or download episodes directly from our website, or listen via your favorite podcatcher!
