TRANSCRIPT Oh No, Ross and Carrie! Ross and Carrie Meet Jimmy Stewart: Celebrity Medium Edition

Ross and Carrie attend a séance with Jill Marie Morris, a “comedium” who specializes in late celebrity readings. What do Divine, Vincent Price, and Natalie Wood have to say? Who will disrupt Carrie and Drew’s wedding? And WHAT is Lon Chaney’s nickname?!

Podcast: Oh No, Ross and Carrie!

Episode number: 221

Transcript

music

Oh No, Ross and Carrie! Theme Song” by Brian Keith Dalton. A jaunty, upbeat instrumental.

ross

[Doing low, spooky voice] Hello, and welcome to Oh No, Ross and Carrie!, the show where we don’t just report on fringe science, spirituality, and claims of the paranormal, but take part ourselves.

carrie

[Doing spooky, high-pitched voice] Yeah! When they make the claims we show up so you don’t have to. I’m Carrie Poppy.

ross

And I’m Ross Blocher. [Using normal voice.] Welcome to the spooky episode.

carrie

Yeah!

ross

We’re a little late for Halloween.

carrie

[Normal voice] That’s my ghost voice.

ross

That— [Both laugh.] Your ghost voice is like, uh, I don’t know, like a sassy Bronx gangster.

carrie

Oh, interesting, I was thinking a Western old woman.

ross

Oh, oh interesting.

carrie

[Resumes high-pitched voice] “Come over here! You sweet little thang.”

ross

Oh, there you go. Okay, yeah.

carrie

Okay. I’m getting there. But she’s dead, so she’s a ghost.

ross

We skipped the actual Halloween, ‘cause we didn’t have any ads scheduled.

carrie

[Laughing] We were like, “Oh, well then, goodbye.”

ross

So if you enjoy our podcast coming regularly, you should be very thankful for these ads.

carrie

You should be thankful to Rothys, you should be thankful to Quip, just to pick a couple randomly.

ross

Because we see those coming and like, “Oh well we have to release an episode.” Otherwise I would dither endlessly, ‘cause I could always spend an extra day prepping or studying or something.

carrie

Mm-hm. Sure.

ross

This forces us to do it. Gotta get that ad out.

carrie

So go buy some shoes.

ross

We did have a spooky investigation just before—

carrie

[Ghostly voice] Spoooky.

ross

—Halloween.

carrie

So now we’re extending Halloween.

ross

Think of this as your extended Halloween.

crosstalk

Ross and Carrie: You’re welcome.

ross

Speaking of which, we have an update on our curses.

carrie

Yes!

ross

For those of you following along on Facebook, you might have seen our posts about some curses that we received. We had said on the show, we just put it out there, it would be fun to be cursed.

carrie

Mm-hm. I think you said it would be fun to be cursed, and I was like, “I don’t know.— [Ross laughs.] —Email us and we’ll see.”

ross

I guess this is a Ross thing. Like, “Please, curse me!” [Carrie laughs.] So one of our very generous listeners, Jessie Mays, was willing to curse us, and Jessie is a witch and a listener to the show and very kindly offered to even work with us to decide upon good curses.

carrie

All her curses were pretty kind. Pretty mild.

ross

Yeah. They reminded me of the would you rather game. One of my favorite cards was one that said, “Would you rather always have wet socks, or always have wind blowing in your face?”

carrie

Oh, wind blowing in my face.

ross

Yeah?

carrie

Oh, by so much.

ross

I think I would go with the wet socks.

carrie

Whaaat!

ross

It would be annoying, but—

carrie

Ugh!

ross

—they’d both be annoying, but the wind always blowing in my—like even if you’re lying down in bed trying to read, there’s wind blowing in your face. [Both start laughing.] That’s so funny, and super annoying.

carrie

I guess eventually like, your eyes and mouth would dry out, and you might die. But you also could die from wet socks.

ross

Yeah, so uh—

carrie

Is it the same wet socks, or can you keep trading them out for other wet socks?

ross

I’m gonna assume that you can swap them out, but they’re just always—your feet are always moist.

carrie

You just never get dry.

ross

People hate the word moist. I’m sorry I said that.

carrie

Sorry guys.

ross

Anyways, so I can’t remember what the choices were for me, but the one I picked was to bump into things on a regular basis.

carrie

Oh, right.

ross

Have a heightened chance of bumping into stuff.

carrie

Heightened bumpability.

ross

And we kind of arbitrarily decided, let’s make this active for two months.

carrie

Until Halloween.

ross

Jessie even shot a video of this where she had taken a picture of me and a picture of you, when we get to your curse, and you know, wrapped them up and put a wax seal on them and everything. It was really cool. And, uh—

carrie

I didn’t see this, I gotta go look!

ross

Oh, yeah. Check this out. And so we were there on her spell box for two months, we decided. All of September and all of October. So, that was my curse. What was your curse?

carrie

So, she gave us sort of a list to pick out of, and like you say, they were all pretty mild and sweet. I felt like if I asked to bump more, I wouldn’t know what my baseline is, but I know it’s high. I bump into stuff a lot, I’ve always got a bruise, don’t know what it’s from. So I thought, I won’t be able to track whether that’s more or less. The thing that I felt like, okay this happens to me rarely, rarely enough to notice, was having a rock in my shoe all the time. I assume not literally all the time but you know, just being a more frequent occurrence than usual.

ross

I kept a bump curse log on my phone.

carrie

Oh nice.

ross

Any time I bumped into something I had to write down the date, the time, the circumstance.

carrie

What if you bump into someone?

ross

Literally bump into them or like—

carrie

No, you know like, “Oh, I haven’t seen you since high school!”

ross

“Great to see you, Kristin!”

carrie

“Hang on, let me pull out my app.”

ross

No, those are metaphorical bumps.

carrie

Oh, okay. What if you bump into trouble?

ross

I think that’s still a metaphorical bump.

carrie

Okay.

ross

The month of September, I did a fair amount of bumping into things. I would say on average maybe once every three days, and—

carrie

Okay. Do you think that’s more than usual, or you were just aware of it this time?

ross

I think I was just aware of it this time, and we haven’t had a full two months to get a baseline, but I feel like this is a minimal amount of bumping. Some of the funnier bumps were—I told my coworkers about this curse, and they thought that was pretty hilarious, and I put them on alert to call it out any time I bumped into something. “Ross, you have to write that down.” It’s funny, I noticed a lot more other people around me bumping into things, and like, “Oh, if you were cursed you’d have to write that down!” But yeah, once after telling them about this, I bumped my knee on a chair and another time in front of Sunday assembly I told them about this whole curse, and seriously minutes later I walked over and bumped over a music stand and it clattered to the floor.

carrie

[Laughing] Did everyone love it?

ross

Yeah, it was hilarious. They just thought that was great. Oh, come to think of it, now we’re post-curse and just yesterday I broke an easel at work.

carrie

Oh no.

ross

And I didn’t necessarily bump into it, but I was like, holding up a picture frame I had taken off of it, and it slowly started falling back, like, “No, stop, stop, stop—” and it fell back.

carrie

Oh, yeah. On like 14 axis because it’s an easel.

ross

Right, exactly. Another good one was in early October, and I was walking to work, and I read often as I walk to work, so I’ve got like half an hour that I can read, and I’ll look up when I’m crossing an intersection, but—

carrie

Same, I do that a lot.

ross

—people will yell out at me and say like, “That’s more dangerous than texting and driving!” And I think, “What?”

carrie

What? People yell that entire sentence at you?

ross

Yeah, or variations of that thought or idea.

carrie

That’s wild.

ross

Like, what a stupid thing to say. [Carrie laughs.] Like there’s no universe in which that could be true.

carrie

Yes, I’m going 1.4 miles an hour on this sidewalk.

ross

On foot. I am not operating a two-ton vehicle or a half-ton vehicle, whatever it may be.

carrie

The force of my 145 pound body going one and a half miles an hour, hoo boy!

ross

You know, little moments like that in my life, I have real respect or sympathy for people who complain about other things that people constantly say, like pointing out certain physical attributes, or like telling a woman to smile, or anything that becomes just an annoying refrain in your life. Like, I just don’t want always to be pulled into that frame of mind or having to answer that question or responding to X, I would rather be responding to something else, and just having people say like, “That’s so dangerous!” No, it’s not dan—I’m walking and reading.

carrie

That’s a crazy thing for people to complain about.

ross

So I was thinking about that and mere moments later then I tripped on the side of the curb as I was— [Carrie laughs mockingly.] —getting onto a new block. So, I chuckled at myself, and then I wrote in my bump curse log. You can see, uh, not too many bumps there for those two months.

carrie

Nice.

ross

Very little in the month of October. Really, I became quite bump-free.

carrie

Couple dozen.

ross

Just over a dozen for the two months. So, I would say this is a very normal amount of Ross bumping into things.

carrie

Six months, once every five days you’re noticing a bump. Yeah.

ross

So I’m gonna say the curse did not cause me to bump into everything. How about the rocks in your shoes?

carrie

I only noticed a rock in my shoe one time. I was walking through the pool area at my complex and I was like, “Ah, what’s that? Something in my shoe.” And I opened it up, a little teeny teeny teeny tiny rock, and I was like—

ross

And you said, “Curses!”

carrie

“Ah, look at that.” But that was the only time.

ross

Well, we greatly appreciate the curses.

carrie

Oh, yes. Indeed.

ross

Thank you Jessie. And Jessie took another video when we were released from our curses, so.

carrie

Oh, good. Gosh, I’m missing all this good video content.

ross

Alright, I’ll share it with you later.

carrie

Okay.

ross

Oh hey, guess what? We have another really cool update.

carrie

Yeah?

ross

This is related to our last MaxFun Drive.

carrie

Oh, I think I know where you’re going with this.

ross

So, our wonderful supporters—thank you all—helped get us passed a very exciting milestone, which was to put up a billboard to tell people to research round Earth, because there’s been a little bit too much of this “research flat Earth.”

carrie

Going around. Going a-flat.

ross

So, what’s coming up? Where can people find this billboard?

carrie

Well, when you think of a billboard, maybe you think of a board on the side of a road, held up vertically.

ross

Yeah. Yeah, that’s what I think of.

carrie

Perpendicular to the ground or so. But I don’t. I think, can we make this even bigger? Can we make it even better? What about an aerial billboard? Could we—

ross

Wait a second.

carrie

—could we fly a banner in the sky in these heavens, proclaiming that one must research round Earth? Could we?

ross

Why not? You know what, I would say the sky is the limit, so let’s go to the limit.

carrie

Exactly, so in Frisco, Texas on November 14th, 2019, if you go to the Flat Earth International Conference at the Embassy Suites Dallas Frisco Hotel and Conference Center, and if you go outside during lunchtime between 12 and 1:30 PM, look up in the sky, because—

ross

Because we’re gonna have an aerial billboard that reads, “Research round Earth, love Ross and Carrie.”

carrie

Yay!

ross

So we’re hoping everybody will come out of the Flat Earth conference for their lunch break, Carrie checked the schedule and everything, and that’s what they’ll see in the air, and so if you’re anywhere in the area, see it as well. Maybe capture some video or maybe some photos and send them to us.

carrie

Yeah, take some pics for us. Also if you maybe work for uhhhh local newspaper or something, hit us up. We got a news release.

ross

It’ll be good times, I hope. So there we go, that is our promise of the billboard fulfilled, and we are very excited for it to hopefully make some waves.

carrie

Some sky waves. Some um, um, uh chemtrails.

ross

[Through laughter] Oh yeah, was that an option to add on chemtrails?

carrie

Oh yeah, yeah, that was an extra 75, and I was like, “Uh, you know, that’s an expensive dinner.”

ross

Oh, could we still add it?

carrie

Sure. [Both laugh.]

ross

Might be worth it.

carrie

I’ll just tell you it’s happened. It’ll be the same effect.

ross

Aww.

carrie

Yes, we—I need 75 dollars.

ross

I feel like the dog that just had the fake stick thrown. Anyways, thank you all for helping us get to this lofty point in our career as podcasters.

carrie

And thank you for supporting Maximum Fun, which makes wonderful shows like this one!

promo

[Music.] Paula Poundstone: Hi, it's me, Paula Poundstone! Adam Felber: And it's me, Adam Felber! Paula: We have a podcast called Nobody Listens to Paula Poundstone. It's a comedy podcast where we bring on experts to teach us stuff we need to know. Adam: Aaand by the way, the guy who came to tell us what to do when you encounter a bear never showed up. Paula: Anyway! It's fun. You are guaranteed laughs in every episode. Adam: You can't really guarantee laughs. What if somebody doesn't laugh? We'll get sued. Paula: Join us for our next episode, when we have an expert in consumer law explain to us how to defend ourselves against one humorless litigious shut-in with enough time on their hands to sue us over our unfulfilled claim of guaranteed laughs in every episode! Here at MaximumFun.org. [Long pause as the music plays.] Adam: The cat of the week is Mabel from Green Bank, West Virginia. [Music stops.]

ross

So what did we investigate, Carrie?

carrie

We investigated Jill Marie Morris, a—

ross

Another psychic/comedian?

carrie

I have to give her props for this. She calls herself a comedium.

ross

[Laughing.] Okay, absolutely. I approve of comedium.

carrie

We like it and anything she does from here out is fine.

ross

Well done. Yeah, she just went up a few notches in my book. So, you found this and sent—

carrie

I must have.

ross

You sent me the invitation. Then you bought our tickets, right?

carrie

I did.

ross

To Hollywood Ever After, with psychic medium Jill Marie Morris.

carrie

She was doing this at the Dearly Departed Museum.

ross

On Santa Monica Boulevard in Los Angeles.

carrie

Dearly Departed Tours does death tours around Los Angeles.

ross

So that’s where we headed on Saturday, October 26th, right before Halloween. We were all—

carrie

We were thinking, “Oh, this is gonna be a real good Halloween episode, we got this in the ca—oh, we don’t have an ad? Bye-bye.”

ross

[Laughing.] Let’s take a week off. We could use a week off. But we’re back, hello.

carrie

Hello. So, we got the tickets at some point on Eventbrite.

ross

How much was it?

carrie

One thousand dollars.

ross

That’s too much.

carrie

No, that’s not true. I want to say it was $30? Yeah, so I think they were VIP tickets or general admission tickets, and I think the VIP was around $40 or $50?

ross

It said, yeah, $20-$40 on Eventbrite, so yeah, we probably bought the $20 tickets.

carrie

Yeah, so we wanted to get the VIP because then you’re guaranteed your own reading, but there were a limited number of those, so we had to settle for general.

ross

Bluh.

carrie

We’ll be in the chorus.

ross

Bluh.

carrie

Oh, boy.

ross

So we came down to their museum, and it was my first time there. You were already there, most people were already there, I was kind of like slightly late, but they hadn’t started yet.

carrie

I had been in conversation with them for a while that day.

ross

Oh, had you now?

carrie

Yeah, so I saw on their website that it was listed as 6 PM but our tickets said 7 PM, so I called the number on their website and got this young man, I explained to him the problem, he said, “Which tour did you want to go on?” I was like, “No, no, no, none of the tours. It’s a talk at the museum itself.” “Oh, we have those? Oh, okay.” And then like—then he had to look it up himself, and then he’s—

ross

That’s one of those responses where you start thinking—

carrie

I’m more informed than you.

ross

Yeah, you’re no more helpful in the situation, maybe we should just stop talking. Is there anybody else I can talk to?

carrie

Can you hook me up with another human? Yeah, so then he looked it up on their website, and he was like, “Yup, 6 PM!” and I’m like, “Well, I’m looking at that here. That doesn’t help. Give me additional insight of any kind. “Okay, is there anybody who might know about this?” So he’s like—finally, it took like five minutes—he’s like, “Okay, let me transfer you to my boss.” [Laughing] Yeah. But anyway, his boss knew. It was at seven. Well, wait.

ross

Yeah, ‘cause—

carrie

Well, first she said she wasn’t sure, she’d have to call the medium. Couldn’t get ahold of the medium. I found the medium’s personal cell phone number, long story, I called the medium, she said it’s at seven, I was like great, can’t wait. Called back, and they then, Dearly Departed was like, yeah it’s at seven.

ross

Well, phew. Thanks for doing that heavy—

carrie

That’s my story.

ross

—investigative lifting, so I could show up slightly after seven. And there were a couple rows of just your regular folding chairs, and maybe about 24 people.

carrie

I thought a little more than that.

ross

Okay. I would say maybe—

carrie

But under 30.

ross

Yeah, somewhere in the 20s.

carrie

28

ross

But it was a fairly intimate affair.

carrie

For sure.

ross

And you’re wedged into the first room of this museum, so you’re right past kind of the initial stacks of post cards and books and a lot of stuff about Once Upon A Time in Hollywood.

carrie

Yeah, the new-ish Tarantino movie.

ross

I think one of the guys from the museum had been a consultant on that film.

carrie

Alright.

ross

Because it involves the Tate murder—

carrie

Makes sense.

ross

—in a very interesting way, but I won’t say more than that.

carrie

Mm. Good film.

ross

Yeah. Worth watching. Anyways, there’s kind of a, I dunno, there was like a little altar setup?

carrie

Yeah, there was a table with like a fake cauldron on it and some candles, somewhere in between reverent and playful.

ross

Yeah, there was some skulls and—

carrie

See a pumpkin, it looks like.

ross

Some little kind of tea lights, or at least small candles, plants, yeah.

carrie

Decorative skulls.

ross

And a table cloth that has sort of a web design built into it, not like internet but, uh, spider web. And that’s where all of the chairs were, set up in front of that. And then they had food on the other side.

carrie

Yeah, which I didn’t know was gonna happen.

ross

Not [spooky voice] the other side.

carrie

I had really shoveled down some dinner.

ross

Aw. That’s true, I had actually eaten, but hey, I wasn’t gonna turn down some free pizza.

carrie

There’s a bunch of pizza and—

ross

And cookies.

carrie

—and cookie, a—cookie. I dunno why I said cookie like it’s the plural, like deer. And cookie.

ross

I had three cookie.

carrie

And then there were chicken nugget as well. [Ross laughs.] Yeah.

ross

We didn’t have any chicken nugget.

carrie

We didn’t have that. Yeah, so I was there a little bit before you. Boy, a very lucky thing happened to me when you were on your way. I’m researching something I can’t really get into, but I needed a particular death certificate for it.

ross

Oh, yeah.

carrie

A death certificate of a person who was famous in his time, but if I said his name, no one listening to this would know who it was.

ross

I had no idea who that was.

carrie

So, there was a used book, Celebrity Death Certificates, and it seemed to cover the era when this person died, so I was like, “Could I be so lucky?” And I opened it up and I am so lucky! His death certificate’s in here! And look, bruh, there’s like what? 200 pages? Yeah.

ross

That’s wild.

carrie

How?

ross

And later during the performance, the reading, it came up someone had a question about a death, and you were able to look up—

carrie

[Laughing] I have his death certificate right here! I am a real creep!

ross

This feels like in Back To The Future II when Biff Tannen gets the almanac, you know, and that helps him become rich and—

carrie

Ohh, right!

ross

—he’s like the early version of Trump, you know, this like horrible person who uh, by dishonest means rises to power.

carrie

God.

ross

So it seems like you have that kind of power with this book. Use it carefully, Carrie.

carrie

I will. I will. So, that’s not why we’re there though, but boy I was living that high when you came in to sit down next to me.

ross

And there were people dressed up in costume.

carrie

Yeah, there was a girl dressed as Wednesday Addams. I know that.

ross

Mm-hm, and there was a couple that was dressed as prisoners. Kind of looked like the Beagle Boys almost, like that sort of stereotypical striped prison costume. And there was, right next to me there was a woman dressed as a flapper, and her husband I presume was in a pinstripe suit next to her. So yeah.

carrie

Fun. Scary.

ross

I didn’t notice then but on the Eventbrite invitation it had mentioned to—

carrie

Costumes.

ross

—wear a costume.

carrie

Whoopsie doodle.

ross

Yeah, and the medium thanked everybody who was wearing a costume.

carrie

Yeah. I was not wearing my King George outfit, but I did wear it on Halloween.

ross

I didn’t dress up this year. I’m a fuddy duddy.

carrie

Oh, boy.

ross

I’d say maybe half the time I dress up.

carrie

That’s pretty good. Uh, so a guy who works for Dearly Departed got up to introduce our medium. He called her their “resident psychic”. Cute title.

ross

Oh. Yeah.

carrie

I think his name was Scott. I know I’ve seen him before at Dearly Departed. Very sweet, fun guy.

ross

So, our psychic, Jill Marie Morris, she was dressed in a costume of her own. She told us a long story later about how she got this. She normally has a different costume, and this one just showed up in the mail at noon, so she was able to wear it today. [Carrie makes ‘phew’ sound.] So she had one of those, I don’t know, like uh...

carrie

Yeah, what kind of hat is that? Is that what we’re reaching for, the hat?

ross

It’s exactly what I’m trying to reach for. It’s a black hat with a brim, and it’s got like, kind of a reddish, purple-ish thing wrapped around the band. The top.

carrie

Yeah, and it’s probably velvet or something, like it’s got a real floppiness to it.

ross

And then she had kind of a black, multi-part dress, like sort of it had a top and a bottom skirt and a sash to match the band on the hat, so.

carrie

Very Victorian look.

ross

Yeah, I’m not sure exactly what she was going for, but she looked good.

carrie

Yeah, cute.

ross

She’s maybe in her 50s? Early 60s?

carrie

I looked into this woman, and I believe she’s exactly 52.

ross

You looked into her like psychically.

carrie

[Laughing] I bumped into her and then I wrote it in my log.

ross

That’s what he said.

carrie

[Speaking high-pitched, amused.] Yeah, okay, alright. Sure. [Reverts to normal voice.] So, she said, “Gang, we’re gonna do something different this time. Who’s in for a séance?”

ross

And we gladly raised our hands.

carrie

Yeah. Although, to us that isn’t something different. That is what we paid for. That’s what the ticket said. Is that something different?

ross

No, I think we were promised a séance.

carrie

We were promised a séance.

ross

But maybe she forgot that that was part of the evening’s entertainment, and whenever I hear that I think back to the Winchester Mystery House when I was a young teen, and my mom and I were walking through it, and the docent said, “Okay, now that we’ve gotten to the séance room, we’re gonna close the doors and we’re gonna hold hands and have a séance.” And my mom freaked. She flipped, and was so mad and wanted to leave, and then they said, “Oh, we’re just kidding, we’re not actually gonna do a séance,” she said, “I don’t care, I can’t be in here anymore!”

carrie

[Through groaning] Oh, no.

ross

So we made a big Christian stink, a righteous stink, and we got righteous out of there.

carrie

Oh, my gosh.

ross

Yeah. It’s one of those things years later in retrospect you realize like, oh that’s embarrassing. Oh, we were very embarrassing, weren’t we? But I didn’t know at the time.

carrie

“I thought I was a hero at the time.”

ross

[Laughing] Yeah! I thought I was the—

carrie

“I wasn’t that, I was disruptive.”

ross

Exactly. But now when she asks, “Oh, do you wanna have a séance?” I can gladly say, “Yeah, sure,” but at the same time I’m thinking about little me and how kind of funny it is that that would have scared me so much back then.

carrie

And now you’re, like, the primary volunteer.

ross

Mm-hm.

carrie

Yeah. So she has this very personable sort of bubbly energy, and so she’s in—she’s of a kind with Cindy Kaza where half of what you’re getting from it is just like a stage presence, and being like a generally funny person. You know, the sort of like, half of what you’re paying for here is to be entertained as much as to be read to.

ross

There’s just something about her that just felt like the kind of woman you know from the office or from church or what have you, just, you know, she just felt like an everyday person who just happened to be wearing a hat today and calling herself a medium. There was nothing about her that just said like, “Oh wow, this woman clearly has a connection to the great beyond.”

carrie

Totally, or has any of those cultural markers we accept, like wears all purple, or long, flowy silver hair.

ross

Yeah, and she’s just wearing, you know, normal glasses, kind of medium frames, and she’s got blonde hair. Yeah, there’s just nothing that really stands out, that wouldn’t make her fit in well in any other circumstance.

carrie

Any PTA meeting. So—

ross

Yeah, school principal. She would make a great school principal.

carrie

Oh, yeah she would. She’d be strict, but she’d be fun. [Both laugh.] Anyway! Now you have a clear picture of her. You’re all picturing your principal. So, Jill said, “And you know, before we get going, I have to tell you about how Sal Mineo came through earlier.”

ross

Oh, yeah. I had to look this up. I didn’t know who Sal Mineo was.

carrie

Yeah, I just knew his name. I know golden age actor, that’s it.

ross

Okay. Handsome young guy, at least all the photos that are coming up. He was in Rebel Without A Cause.

carrie

Right.

ross

Um, among a number of other films, but that’s the one he’s best known for. And uh, yeah.

carrie

And murdered, right?

ross

And he had been murdered, yes.

carrie

I think he was stabbed to death.

ross

So all of this we learned.

carrie

In fact, we should mention, we’re gonna talk about dead people and thus their manner of death throughout this episode, so be forewarned. So she said, “You know, and earlier he came through and, you know, I’ve been on Scott’s tours but I don’t really remember everything, and so things came through that I guess are like pretty spot-on. So, Sal said people aren’t getting it right. He kept saying that. They’re not getting it right, they’re not getting it right. And I don’t know his history. I know he died in a parking garage, but that’s just kind of all I know.” [Ross hums, sounding skeptical.] And Scott’s like, “Oh, no, that makes sense, you know, his death was never like totally figured out [Carrie breaks off, babbling] People have these theories that other people think are wi—whatever.”

ross

When I look for his name online, I find a lot of articles that say something like controversy around his death and what motivated it, and there was an article that was saying that many people had assumed that because he was gay that it was something related to him being gay. That it was like a tryst that had gone wrong, whereas it was a robbery that went wrong, essentially. So my immediate thought was, okay, she read something about this—

carrie

Yeah, you just Googled this.

ross

—and this is a celebrity and you pretended to have just gotten this revelation.

carrie

If you want an experience of that for an hour, watch Hollywood Medium with Tyler whatshisname, Tyler Henry. He just claims that he knows nothing about pop culture, so he’ll go and meet, you know, Tom Hanks and be like, “Why am I seeing like a doll when I look at you?” and it’s like, okay, I’m supposed to be impressed by this? Like, you Googled a very simple thing—

ross

“A volleyball? What is that exactly?”

carrie

[Laughing] Yeah, right, exactly. “But also on a spaceship? This is so crazy!” Anyway. So it—then it turned out Sal actually came in the room right now, as we’re talking. He comes in and he confirms what Scott is saying.

ross

[Speaking in a flat, disbelieving tone.] Wow.

carrie

Yeah. [Doing Owen Wilson impression] Wow, very cool.

ross

Yeah, that made me uncomfortable. Already this is—

carrie

Oh, really? Oh, wow. Oh gosh. We have so much further to go.

ross

Now you’re saying he’s here and he’s validating these very obvious confirmations.

carrie

[Laughing] Right! “He’s confirming you confirming me saying the thing you said on a tour that I’m pretending to have forgotten.”

ross

And there’s a little pie chart floating about my head that realizes, okay there’s a tiny possibility that yeah, she’s definitely in contact with Sal, but there is a much larger slice of this pie that tells me, yeah, she just remembers some little factoids and she’s co-opting them.

carrie

Right, if it were a pie eating contest, you wouldn’t want the slice that’s your belief in this, because it’s pretty small and you’re not gonna win.

ross

Right, yeah.

carrie

But it’s still there!

ross

This is my reaction, but.

carrie

You can still join the contest.

ross

Your mileage may vary.

carrie

So then she said, “Oh, and this is so weird, Sal’s telling me—[Sighs] Did you like, touch the floor where he died?” And he’s like, “Yeah, I probably did. You know, I tend to lay down wherever the people died and just sort of think about what were the last things they saw, what’s the last things they might have thought in this environment, helps me flesh out the story.” It’s like—

ross

Woah.

carrie

—okay, you obviously tell this detail all the time.

ross

And she probably knows this, and she’s fishing this out of your last interaction and turning it into an immediate hit. Okay.

carrie

Anyway, Sal is still ornery, and—oh yeah, she said he doesn’t understand Scott laying in his death spot. Yeah, that’s reasonable, Sal. Yeah, so she’s like, “It’s okay, it’s okay. He just doesn’t get it, but he’s alright.” [Ross chuckles.] Well, now let’s prep for the séance, eh?

ross

Okay, yeah.

carrie

So she said, “We want to involve all of you, but we do have to make sure that the people who got the VIP tickets definitely get their readings, so bear with me on that.” As we go through this, we’ll be using a couple phrases I just want to define here. So, if we say “the sitter”, we mean the person she’s currently giving the reading to.

ross

Mm-kay.

carrie

And if we say—[Breaks off, both laughing.] You know that. “Okay, okay, alright.”

ross

Yeah, alright, yeah. Acknowledged.

carrie

If we say “a hit”, that means like, the thing that she’s guessing at is accurate, so you could say like good j—[Breaks off laughing again] You’re looking at me like, “Carrie, I know what a hit is!”

ross

Well, I can’t acknowledge this in any way now!

carrie

And then “misses”, obviously, is like—

ross

Is somebody’s wife. [Carrie laughs, slowly devolving into a cough.] The missus. Think of this as baseball. There are hits and there are misses.

carrie

Yeah! Oh yeah, exactly. Okay, so she tells us Halloween is one of her favorite pranking holidays.

ross

Yeah, okay, let’s talk about pranking.

carrie

Let’s talk about pranking for a good half an hour, shall we? [Both laugh.]

ross

She’s telling stories about how her parents used to prank her. Her dad, like it was really cruel. She was studying for some exam, like something really important, and he thought, “Oh, this would be real funny to leave an M-80—”

carrie

Like a stick of TNT!

ross

Yeah, it’s like this really powerful, tiny firework essentially that he set off right outside of her window, and then she freaks out and runs outside, and it breaks her window.

carrie

I, honestly, when she said that, I didn’t believe her, because she told the whole story and said, “Oh, he was just laughing and laughing, so funny.” I was like, okay, wait. You don’t use “it broke the window and shattered glass everywhere” as a backup detail, that’s the first thing you’d tell us.

ross

Yeah and that’s—if anything, it’s an indication that she likes to pad her stories with, you know, just extra bits—

carrie

Yeah, embellish.

ross

—like, reality plus.

carrie

Uh-huh.

ross

And, you know, most people are—

carrie

As storytellers do.

ross

Yeah, most people do that. Every time they tell the story it gets a little more engaging, adds little extra details. It felt like this one had been through a few versions of that.

carrie

Yeah, yeah, yeah. That’s totally possible. Yeah, I think one of the skills that you get if you see enough of these people is sort of recognizing what the truth sounds like.

ross

Mm-hm.

carrie

Because there’s a million ways to tell a lie, but the truth really only sounds like one thing.

ross

It’s like people have noticed with Donald Trump that whenever he starts a story with “someone came to me and said, ‘sir’—”

carrie

“‘Sir, you are the greatest human who ever lived’ and I said I don’t know.”

ross

Any story that starts with someone telling him “sir”, you know, one of the greatest generals, really probably the greatest general, he told me “sir”. If a story starts that way, you know it’s just fabricated. Completely.

carrie

Yeah, that’s interesting. You know, it’s really interesting—we’re never gonna get through this story—but that’s really interesting because I read a book by this woman who was a professional lie spotter for intelligence.

ross

Okay. I read a book by one of those kind of CIA experts, and he was pretty good at defining the areas of ignorance.

carrie

Okay, that’s good.

ross

But yes, it is a flawed science. Like, you can get kind of indications but you’re never gonna get an exact lie detector.

carrie

Okay, well, she said that one of the things that she’s observed is that people would use distancing language from others. Instead of saying, “Yeah, I know Ross”, they’d say, “I know that man. I know that guy.” That’s like a way you sort of like—especially if you’re guilty.

ross

“I didn’t have sex with that woman.”

carrie

Yeah, that was her prime example.

ross

Okay, yeah. I think the way he painted it was kind of a Bayesian approach, where those indicators can slightly boost your percentage estimation that someone is lying or that they’re being truthful, and so multiple body language steps and multiple language cues will kind of add up cumulatively over time to give you greater confidence, but if you try to treat it as a binary like true, false sort of thing, those cues are gonna mislead you.

carrie

That makes sense to me.

ross

The Power of Body Language by Joe Navarro. That’s the book I’m thinking of. It’s interesting, absolutely.

carrie

So now Jill Marie Morris punks her own kids, hopefully not by blowing up their windows.

ross

Yeah, she doesn’t get through all of this and then think, “I should not prank my children like this.” No, she thinks, “This is good fun. This is what you do with children.”

carrie

Yeah, she said, “I promised myself I wouldn’t, and boy, then you become a parent.” So now she pranks her kids. On April Fool’s one year she set an alarm two hours early, you know, made them go to school two hours early. One of her sons runs out on the front lawn and realizes it’s two hours early, gets really mad and storms in. But of course the story takes a very long time to tell.

ross

Yeah, and we’re looking at each other going, “Wait, why are we here?”

carrie

“Why are we discussing this right now?” So, it turns out the reason we’re discussing this is because, after telling us three or four prank stories, she’s like, “So I always wondered, did I accidentally curse my family with all this pranking?” Because then two really horrible things happened to her sons on Halloween.

ross

Oh.

carrie

One got in a terrible car accident but was okay, and the other fell three hundred feet while hiking, but was fine?

ross

I dunno if “fine” was the word, but he survived.

carrie

Yeah. Or, yeah, survived, but three hundred feet?

ross

That’s a long ways.

carrie

That’s thirty stories.

ross

That—yeah, that’s ins—no. Yeah, when you put it that way.

carrie

Yeah, I don’t think a person could survive that.

ross

Three hundred feet, that’s a football field.

carrie

Yeah.

ross

My God. Yeah, this may be the story that kept ratcheting up every time.

carrie

That hike gets higher and higher.

ross

Originally it was thirty feet.

carrie

Right, right, right.

ross

Which would still be an insane height.

carrie

Yeah.

ross

But now it’s ratcheted up—yeah, three hundred, that’s crazy.

carrie

That can’t be right.

ross

That’s crazy.

carrie

But also she said he fell off the side of the cliff because his doggy slipped and he had his leash wrapped around his paw. [Starts laughing] His own paw. His human paw. And he fell over the side, and she didn’t tell us if the doggy’s okay!

ross

She did not. Why didn’t you ask?

carrie

Oh, for God’s sake. I stormed out. I said, “This is not what I paid for.”

ross

Oh, is that when you yelled at everybody and you left?

carrie

[Laughing] Yeah!

ross

I thought that was later, but okay. Just kidding.

carrie

Really buried the lead. See how this doesn’t sound like the truth? [Ross starts laughing.] Because we’d lead with that detail!

ross

I hope we are always very clear when we are kidding.

carrie

Oh, not to everyone, no.

ross

That’s true. We have some very literal listeners, and we are sorry when our humor is not, uh, understood as such.

carrie

Received. Oh, so then she said, “Are there any parents here who prank their kids?” And no one raises their hands, and she’s like, “Really?” And then she circles in on Ross.

ross

Yeah, and I don’t prank my son too often, or in any big way. But yeah, she pulled me out of the audience and said, “Do you have any good pranking stories?”

carrie

“I know you do!”

ross

And there’s something about like, I don’t know, being on the spot like that and someone asking me for an example that makes my brain blank of everything, so I just immediately thought like, “I don’t know, nothing pranking is coming to mind.” And so she reluctantly moved away, but then Carrie leaned over and said, “Well, what about that story of scaring your wife with the doll?” And I’ve told this story on the podcast before, and—”Oh, oh, oh!” so I raised my hand. Let’s fix this. “Yes, I do have a good pranking story.” And I tried to share a very quick version of it, because she had already taken up so long. [Carrie laughs.] She had like another story about her husband dressing up as a witch and frightening her children. Anyways, she liked that and she said, “Okay, see, ‘cause I knew just looking at you, I felt that you had a good prankster story.” Oh, okay.

carrie

“That’s why I locked eyes with you.” And then she said to me, “Are you his wife?” and I said, “Oh, no,” and she said, “Oh, I just had to ask.”

ross

We call that a miss.

carrie

Yeah. Exactly.

ross

In the biz.

carrie

A miss of the missus.

ross

[Laughs.] That’s right, yeah.

carrie

We’re now twenty minutes into this alleged séance. We haven’t talked to any—Well, Sal Mineo came back. Mineeoh, Mineyoh, Maneyo? He came at the beginning. But she says, “Okay, does anyone have any celebrities you want to contact, especially people who were in the horror film world?” And she starts listing some celebrities, and we all sort of mumble in recognition at their names. Bela Lugosi. [Both mumble in recognition.] Madeline Kahn. [Both mumble again.]

ross

Mel Brooks movies.

carrie

Boris Karloff. [Both mumble again.] Lon Chaney. [Both mumble, and then Carrie bursts out laughing.] So we’re all just doing that while she reads through these names.

ross

Well she’s just throwing out names, just to see if we recognize these names connected to horror films.

carrie

It’s so funny though how that—I try to fight this every time—but it brings forward this human urge to signal, “I know who that is!” You know? It’s so strange, but everybody seems to do that on grief tours.

ross

Too loudly and proudly.

carrie

[Mimics low, rough voice.] “Mm-hm! Yeah, oh, I know that obscure person! Mm-hm!”

ross

Oh, I’m a hundred percent guilty of this.

carrie

Yeah, no, I think everybody—it like, it’s an animalistic like—

ross

I dunno, maybe it’s the one chance that you get to justify the fact that you’re holding all of this nonessential information.

carrie

Useless knowledge.

ross

This may be why—actually I’m cutting out on bar trivia with my family tonight to record this. But, you know, that’s probably why I do bar trivia. Like, “Oh, I happen to know these things that serve me no other purpose.”

carrie

“No one knew them because they’re useless! Ta-da!”

ross

“I’m gonna use this and I might get a $30 gift card off of a further purchase of food here.”

carrie

I’ve only one bar trivia once but it’s very rewarding. I can’t blame you.

ross

Yeah, I’ve won many times but that’s because I’ve played a lot.

carrie

Anyway, that’s going on. You’re hearing the different mm-hm’s across the room. “Oh, that’s a big fan over there!” [Laughs.]

ross

‘Cause she’s just naming names.

carrie

Yeah, I know. “Mm-hm!” Also when that happens it’s like your worst fear that the person leading is gonna call on you and be like, “Yeah, tell me about him,” and you’re like, “Well, I knew the name and so I made the noise. You said the name, I made the noise. I don’t know, it’s the social contract. I don’t know what to do for you.”

ross

Yeah, I can’t provide biographical details.

carrie

You have the print-outs from Google in your hand.

ross

Yeah, she’s seriously reading off of like, I don’t know, like an Internet quiz site or something.

carrie

Yeah, uh-huh. And so then she starts reading us directly from that list. No, she’s not like trying to cover up the fact that she has these printed out pages. She’s just straight up reading them. So she reads us a list of celebrity trivia, and starts quizzing us. [Both start laughing.]

ross

Like you do.

carrie

So she’s like, “Lon Chaney, who remembers him? Hmm?”

ross

“What was he known as?”

carrie

Oh, right.

ross

The Man With A Thousand Faces.

carrie

Hey, alright. And then she said, “What movies was he in?” and you and I were like, “[Excited yelling] Well, we know some answers!” You knew Phantom of the Opera. I knew Hunchback.

ross

Real proud of myself.

carrie

Okay, nice. Nicely done. Okay, so she says, “And who knows Lon Chaney Jr.?” Let’s read his filmography now. And then she tells us he donated his body to science, now she wanted to donate her body to science, but her son wouldn’t let her, he was too creeped out by that. Why are we talking about this? Then she says, “Okay, Alfred Hitchcock, let’s list his movies.” [Both sigh.] Okay, Vertigo, Psycho, Dial M For Murder, The Birds. Yeah, okay.

ross

[Using a bored, droning tone.] “What’s your favorite movie by Alfred Hitchcock?”

carrie

“Ah, Vertigo, [breaks off into mumbling].”

ross

Rear Window for me.

carrie

Oh, okay. Vertigo for me. So, she asked who knew his nickname. I thought this was very well known, but I was the only one who said it. She said, “Do you know Alfred Hitchcock’s nickname?” I said, “The Master of Suspense.” She was very impressed by that.

ross

Oh, yeah. That’s right. It didn’t come to my mind immediately but when you say it, oh yeah, obviously.

carrie

Then we talked about Carolyn Jones. She was Morticia Addams. Let’s list her movies.

ross

Though when I hear Master of Suspense, I really think of M. Night Shyamalan. [Both start chuckling.]

carrie

Okay.

ross

Carry on.

carrie

Very cool.

ross

Remember like everybody was saying, “He’s the next Alfred Hitchcock!”

carrie

Were they? God.

ross

Yeah, after The Sixth Sense, and he really laid into that, like oh, yeah, and so—

carrie

Aw, buddy.

ross

—when he released movies like Signs like, he had the opening credits that were really trying to be like Hitchcock.

carrie

Aw, buddy. Sweet little buddy.

ross

Aw.

carrie

Aw. Sweet little millionaire. Then Madeline Kahn, let’s list her movies, then let’s talk about how she died. Ovarian cancer. We’re like [clicks tongue]. You’re just going through this sort of noise selection.

ross

Why are we doing this?

carrie

I don’t know. “You know, she was cremated. Now if I were cremated, I would want them to do something fun with my ash—” [Cuts herself off, screaming.] I don’t care! This is not why I’m here!

ross

Yeah, I’m thinking, “Are you just enjoying this time with others?”

carrie

Are you an only child?

ross

Alternately, if you wanted to cut this out, we wouldn’t be upset if the event were shorter.

carrie

It’s like when someone says to a kid, like, “Why don’t you write that all down for me and I’ll read it?” when a kid talks too much. No one else? Okay.

ross

I don’t know that.

carrie

Ain’t a problem.

ross

It does remind me of a recent SNL sketch with Kristin Stewart and it was all about Duolingo for adults who don’t know how to talk to children, and it said, for awkward situations like “child falls with backpack”, or “you are in a waiting room together”, you know?

carrie

Cute.

ross

And so she’s learning things she can say to a child, because otherwise the example conversations are just so awkward.

carrie

Oh, yeah, I used to hate when I was a kid when people would ask me what my favorite subject was. I was like, “Oh, you’re aware that I go to school because I’m a child, wow!” So now I try not to do that, and so I’ll be around kids and I’ll be like, “What do you say? Well, they go to school—no!” [Both laugh.]

ross

There’s a great Brian Regan line from a routine where he’s talking about his dad, and having too many kids, he’d forget his kids names, and he’d go around the table saying things like, “So, uh, son, you’re in school, right?” So I would say that to Andrew all the time, and I still say that now that he’s in college, like, “Andrew, you’re in school, right?” [Both laugh.]

carrie

Yeah, we just like completely forget what it is to be a child, like immediately on entrance into the adult world.

ross

We do, like every movie teaches us.

carrie

Anyway! Okay, buckling down on this.

ross

Yeah, I like how we’re criticizing her for getting off topic and we cannot tell the story.

carrie

We’re on page three of my, mmm… fifteen pages of notes.

ross

Carrie took a lot of notes.

carrie

But by the way, while we’re talking about donating your body to science, you can go to ScienceCare.com to find out more about donating your body to science.

ross

Oh, very nice.

carrie

So then—thank sweet Jesus—finally a second spirit appears.

ross

Okay! Yes!

carrie

And it is Divine.

ross

Oh, yeah, I wasn’t familiar at all with Divine.

carrie

Okay, yeah. Divine was a great actor and drag queen who worked with John Waters a good deal.

ross

Yeah, so you then reminded me that I had just heard about Divine in reference to him eating dog poop at the end of one of John Waters’ films.

carrie

Yeah, I think it’s in Polyester but I can’t remember. Maybe Pink Flamingoes. One of those.

ross

Pink Flamingoes, yes.

carrie

Oh, okay.

ross

So Divine showed up at this meeting.

carrie

Yes!

ross

Woah.

carrie

Um, she says to this man sitting a couple people over from you, she says, “Ah, Divine! I see Divine when I look at you.” And he seems kind of not surprised or impressed by that, and he said something to the effect of like, “Oh yeah, we talked about Divine last time.”

ross

This is the first of many indications that she has met most of these people before.

carrie

Yes.

ross

And again, we have fewer than thirty people. I would say from various indications that at least half of them are previous clients.

carrie

That seems accurate, and for those who aren’t, when you sign up for your ticket you put in your name and your email address, and there is a disclaimer at the bottom that says “all information can be sent to the event organizer”, and the event organizer is listed as JMM Creative.

ross

JMM Creative. So that’s her.

carrie

Jill Marie Morris.

ross

She’s gonna see who signed up.

carrie

Yup. Not tough to Google.

ross

I uh, talked to the flapper lady and the gangster next to me on our way out, and they said that, “Oh yeah, this is our fourth or fifth time seeing her. She’s great and—”

carrie

Oh, wow. Okay.

ross

So yup, she has stuff to work on.

carrie

Also on her terms and conditions on her site, it says if you buy a ticket and you try to transfer it to someone else, you can do it, but you have to give the new name to her at least 48 hours before the event.

ross

Oh my goodness. How bold to you have to be?

carrie

That bold. Okay, so now let’s read through some more celebrities. Bela Lugosi, let’s talk about him. Let’s all make a noise. Mmm. Let’s hear about the details of his life and death. No thank you. Vincent Price, let’s talk about him. Oh, some people here really like Vincent Price. They’ll us some details about his life. Wow.

ross

What’s not to like? But yeah, we talked about Vincent Price for quite a while.

carrie

Mm-hm. Turns out there’s a Vincent Price museum in L.A. Okay, let’s talk about that for a minute.

ross

Ooh, I’d go to that.

carrie

Okay. It’s at East Los Angeles College, VincentPriceMuseum.org.

ross

There’s been a Spotify list making the rounds of Vincent Price and Basil Rathbone reading a bunch of Edgar Allen Poe literature. It’s pretty fun. It’s a good thing to put on in the background.

carrie

Put that on the Facebook.

ross

Oh yeah.

carrie

Then Vincent Price actually tried to manifest. So we are now an hour into this event. We’ve got our third spirit. Sal Mineo, Divine, and now Vincent Price.

ross

And there he was, floating in front of all of us. We could all see him.

carrie

[Laughing] We could all see him, and then we were like, “Oh, that’s just a patron who was in the bathroom.”

ross

And he sat back down.

carrie

No, she could only see him, and she said, “Okay, you know what, he’s saying the name Dolores.”

ross

“Yes, and he doesn’t want her to be forgotten.”

carrie

“Yeah, something about her.”

ross

“Can someone Google that?”

carrie

“Anyone—” Well, she gives them a second. “Does anyone know what I’m talking about?” She seems to be making eye contact with the young woman dressed as Wednesday Addams. I think she figured—

ross

She interacted with her a lot. You’re young and hip, you’re with it.

carrie

Yeah, yeah. You’re the person who’s gonna know Vincent Price. [Ross snorts.] But this woman’s like, “I don’t—I don’t know.”

ross

So we—

carrie

So she’s like, “Well yeah, maybe someone can Google it.”

ross

So we Google Vincent Price Dolores and it brings up immediately Dolores Del Rio.

carrie

Yes, a Mexican actress. She has a really interesting history, so I see why he didn’t want her to be forgotten. Which he didn’t. Vincent would sign her name long after her death when people would ask him for his signature—

ross

His autograph.

carrie

—he would sign hers. Really cute. And so we read this off of our phones to her, and she’s like, “Wow! That’s crazy!” So impressed with herself.

ross

You do realize that this could flow the other direction where you knew what would happen if someone Googled Dolores.

carrie

Yeah, you were so confident it was on the internet that you told me to look on the internet.

ross

You realize that doesn’t impress me. In fact, it makes me slightly cynical in this moment. Okay.

carrie

And also, okay, I always think, if this were really happening, how would you actually present this, and I feel like if I actually thought I was psychic and was trying to prove something, I would feel obligated to say like, “I know how this looks, but I swear I didn’t Google it!” [Ross hums in agreement.] You’d be saying stuff like that. You wouldn’t just be like, “Oh, look at that, it’s on the internet, isn’t that interesting?” You know?

ross

Yeah, I just feel like the arrow of causality is pointing the wrong direction for this lady.

carrie

Definitely. So anyway, Dolores Del Rio was the first major Latin American actress to successfully cross over to American cinema, refused to give up her Mexican citizenship in order to get more work here, and pushed for representation of Mexican culture in U.S. cinema.

ross

Well, hey, well thank you Jill Marie Morris, because now we are sharing the story of Dolores Del Rio.

carrie

Because we Googled it like you. [Ross laughs.] So anyway, she’s like, “Okay, yeah, that would make sense with Day of the Dead. Okay, I see, mm-hm, mm-hm.” So then she tells that woman dressed as Wednesday Addams, “Okay, well look for Dolores Del Rio in the future for you.” And she’s like, “Okay. Yeah.”

ross

This is one of those statements you can make as a psychic that sound portentous and cool, but we never have any way of following up with.

carrie

And if, for the rest of her life, if she ever hears of Dolores Del Rio one time, it’ll be like, “Woah!”

ross

So I went and I got her phone number so I could call her in twenty years.

carrie

[Laughs.] No you didn’t.

ross

No, I didn’t. Yeah, she and her friend were two of the only people dressed up, and they were the youngest by far in this audience.

carrie

Yeah, for sure.

ross

Most people were, I would say in their 40s or older.

carrie

Mm-hm. And they were probably in their mid-20s.

ross

I would say we were the next youngest. But yeah, there were these two young gals and they were just into this.

carrie

Yeah. So then she asked if anyone knows if there’s an Alfred Hitchcock/John Barrymore connection.

ross

That didn’t bring up a quick Google search, so.

carrie

But also no one in the audience knew what she was talking about.

ross

Yeah, there was a different Barrymore connection, but yeah she gave up on that one pretty quick, so.

carrie

So she moved on. She asked if anyone knew a Marlena. I said, “Marlene Dietrich?” She said no.

ross

Yeah, ‘cause you’d think, we’re talking about all these bygone stars.

carrie

Yeah. But nope, not Marlene Dietrich.

ross

It wasn’t three Marlenas.

carrie

[Laughing] No.

ross

She wasn’t going for that.

carrie

Yeah, so someone said, “Well, I know a Marlena, but he’s a male.” And she said, “Oh, you know what, this brings up an interesting point I just want to make real quick. Sometimes the energy will feel a different gender than what the sitter might expect, and that can actually mean that they were gay or they were trans, even if we didn’t know that term at the time, or we didn’t know that about them at the time.” Like, way to like, squeeze yourself into a very delicate situation you know nothing about.

ross

Okay. I mean, on the surface of it, that’s nice. At least she’s acknowledging that...

carrie

These are real things.

ross

Yeah, and that people of the past maybe didn’t fit neatly within gender categories, but, um.

carrie

But also once you start using that just to explain why you got a miss, you know.

ross

Or at least why she wasn’t gonna pick up on that hit. She was a lot like Cindy Kaza in that respect as well, in that, “No, no. I’ve said I feel a female energy, I’m sticking with the female energy.”

carrie

Right. “You’re not gonna believe me if I switch something that major, so I need to find a way around it.” So she said, “Are there any questions?” And I said, “Oh, I did think of a celebrity I’d love to talk to. Jimmy Stewart.” So, core connection. And she paused for a long time, kind of looked off into space, thought about it. And as she was doing that, the guy behind us starting going, “[Jimmy Stewart Impression] Oh, Jimmy.”

ross

[Also doing an impression.] “Everybody’s got a Jimmy Stewart impersonation. I haven’t practiced this at all so it’s bad.”

carrie

[Laughs.] My ex-boyfriend used to do a show at UCB called Jimmy Stewart: Live From Hell where he would do a Jimmy Stewart in Hell impression.

ross

[Still doing impression.] “Oh, Jimmy Stewart in Hell, huh? Okay.”

carrie

Yeah, it was fine. It was like that.

ross

Alright. Alright. Yeah.

carrie

You know, it’s just, “Oh yes, that person’s voice was so unique that anyone doing it is sort of like it.”

ross

“It’s a little cracked and high.”

carrie

Yeah, let’s all do Christopher Walken now. Oh, who can do Jeff Goldbum?

ross

Yeah, that’s a good point. I think Jimmy Stewart was kind of the Christopher Walken of his day, where everybody’s got a ready impersonation.

carrie

Totally. Anywho, so—

ross

Did she make a psychic connection? Did Jimmy Stewart come to our meeting?

carrie

She did! So, the person behind us started doing that voice, and I said, “Well, he’s coming through in the back here.” And she said, “Well, actually he is coming through. He’s talking about a lot of kids and being very proud. Does that make any sense?” And I said, “Well, he had kids.” And she said, “See? I just—I don’t know that!”

ross

Uh-huh.

carrie

Okay. Cool. Yeah, you know. Guy who lived through like, the 40s and 50s chose to have children. Okay, yeah.

ross

He had four kids.

carrie

Someone else in the audience said that. Someone else like, sort of pads out Jimmy’s life for her. “Oh, had a son died in Vietnam, he had twin girls, he was very much a proud American, that’s true, he fought in World War II.” And she’s like, “Yes, yes, yes, that’s what he’s showing me. Mm-hm. He’s very proud.” Then she says to me, “I see a lot of pink between you and Jimmy. Have you done some sort of work on him?” I said, “Oh no, just a big fan.” She said, “Well, that shows. That shows.”

ross

So, okay, we’ve got famed actor Jimmy Stewart. He’s here, and we confirmed some very basic biographical information that can be easily Googled.

carrie

Yeah, he had children and the person who asked a question about him likes him.

ross

I’m gonna call this a missed opportunity.

carrie

[Laughs.] Uh, someone jumped in here to ask about River Phoenix, actor who died in the 90s, very young, overdosed.

ross

Brother of Joaquin Phoenix. Also, what my main association with River is that he played the young Indiana Jones. Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade.

carrie

Oh, wow. I thought—that’s not, uh, whatshisname? The guy who loves art, he just loves it— [Ross starts laughing.] —and he stole Daniel Clowes’ story. Shia LaBeouf.

ross

Oh, that’s in the later alien uh—

carrie

Number four?

ross

Number four in the series. No, in the third film, where Sean Connery plays Indiana Jones’ father, they have a flashback scene to when Indy is young where they show him like, encountering snakes in the circus train for the first time, and getting the cut on his chin that would later become so iconic. That was River Phoenix.

carrie

Oh, okay. Well.

ross

See, I love to display the little bit I know.

carrie

[Laughing.] We all have to do it! You have to do it! It’s an obligation. So, she said, “Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, River’s come through a few times. So, I had a friend who was trying to quit smoking, and I got a message from River. He was lecturing my friend, and he said to call and tell her he was disappointed in her and wanted to fight against her addiction.” So she texts her friend and says, “River’s lecturing you,” and her friend says, “I was just about to smoke, but since you gave me this message from River Phoenix—

ross

Woah.

carrie

—I will not.”

ross

So, someone who is having a hard time giving up smoking was just about to smoke.

carrie

Was thinking about smoking. Wow.

ross

So interesting, like, you know, how annoying would we be in our lives if we decided to invoke the imprimatur of these famed dead people whenever we wanted to give someone advice.

carrie

Totally!

ross

Like, you know, Carrie would text me at, you know, 1:30 in the morning and say, “You know, Ross, Bea Arthur just appeared to me and she said you should probably go to sleep. You’re up too late.” [Both start laughing.] How annoying would that be? Like, Carrie, you could just tell me that. Well, first of all, why are you texting me at 1:30 in the morning to tell me not to be up?

carrie

Yeah, sure.

ross

Healer, heal thyself. But just how annoying would that be if constantly, instead of just giving someone advice, you’re like, “Oh, let me give you advice from this dearly departed person.”

carrie

No, I’m so glad you’re articulating this, ‘cause I just kept thinking about this, the whole time we were preparing for this was like, “What is so annoying about this?” And I think what’s annoying to me, on top of everything else, is people will constantly say, “Yeah, but what’s the harm if they’re giving you good advice?” and I’m like, because they’re giving it this extra weight it doesn’t deserve! If I tell you a good friend of yours gives you advice that is even subconsciously taking into account a bunch of data they know about your life, that should get more weight than a stranger on a stage randomly saying, “But I have a connection to the cosmos.”

ross

I think that’s precisely why it’s done, that and it gives you a little bit more specialty, because ooh, you’ve got this connection. But I think so many people do this with God. You know, where they say, “Oh, God’s telling me that you need to blah blah blah,” like, really, or you just always assume that God agrees with you?

carrie

Right. Right.

ross

Which is maybe more likely.

carrie

Anyway, another time she got a message from River that her friend shouldn’t get in a car with a man whose name began with O, and that woman met an Oscar who wanted to take her home, and she said no, and she went and got soup.

ross

That man could have been her husband.

carrie

That’s true.

ross

But now she has soup.

carrie

I just love that she included the soup in the story. See, now that that sounds a little like the truth. Random detail? Little bit like the truth.

ross

A soo-saw of truth.

carrie

So yeah, and then she used to also get images of River Phoenix when her assistant emailed her. Okay, cool. Are you going to call on him, or just tell us stories about the times you’ve called on him?

ross

Well, clearly she’s got a good connection with him, so he should be at the ready.

carrie

Yeah. Ugh. So, you asked a good question, you asked, “Do you have any insight on Natalie Wood’s death?”

ross

I was thinking of celebrities, and I thought, well, there’s one that A), there’s a good impersonation opportunity, because Christopher Walken was there when she died, and it’s an unsolved—well, at least there’s questions surrounding the circumstance of how she died on this boat. They were out, you know, celebrating her and her husband and Christopher Walken and some others, and so I thought, well, maybe she’ll claim to have some insight, settle this long-standing controversy. And she stopped and she thought about it, she looked up at the air for a long time, and then said, “You know, I do. I have heard about that. But I’m choosing not to share that.”

carrie

It was a surprisingly awkward moment.

ross

Yeah.

carrie

She didn’t try to fill that empty air with any sort of, I don’t know, social nicety. It was just like, no. I will not. Thank you.

ross

“And yet, I do know, and I’m choosing not to tell you.” Not, “Oh sorry, I’m not getting a clear message about that.” So then you have to wonder, okay, is she not wanting to share because it’s incriminating of somebody, or—

carrie

That’s definitely how it sounded.

ross

Yeah. Hm.

carrie

But it’s funny because today I just got in the mail, I had ordered this used book from Thomas T. Noguchi, M.D., who performed Natalie Wood’s autopsy, and I was skimming the entry about her—

ross

What’s with you and these oddly relevant books?

carrie

—right before this recording, and I only skimmed it, but he explains why he believes that it was, in fact, an accidental death, and it sounded pretty sound. She was like, climbing back into the boat and hit her chin and—

ross

Oh, I will say, that is my gut reaction as well. I do not suspect foul play. Things like that do happen.

carrie

Yeah. So, then she said, “Okay, we’re gonna take a quick break, feel free to walk around the museum, get some food.” We’re now an hour plus into this event, and at least she is talking to some dead people. But we grabbed some snicky-snackies, we went and looked at Jayne Mansfield’s death car, which is in there.

ross

Yeah, that’s—

carrie

The entire car she died in.

ross

That’s like, the central exhibit, and I took a photo of it, and then I saw a big sign right in front of me that said “No photos of any kind whatsoever.”

carrie

Oh, whoops.

ross

In all the universe for all time.

carrie

See, that’s the kind of thing where I’m not prepared to say that shouldn’t be there, but I also feel a little grody.

ross

Like, why? Why are we keeping the crumpled up car that this actress died in?

carrie

And maybe she’d want that, maybe she’d be like, “I died for this stupid reason, you know, we should all be more careful.” Maybe that’s what she’d want, I don’t know. But it gives me a little bit of pause.

ross

Yeah, the heebie-jeebies isn’t even it. It’s just this kind of discomfort, like something’s not right here.

carrie

Anyway, still like the place.

ross

And they had just collected anything they could tie to a death, so they would have like, “Oh, we found some pebbles that were close to this murder scene where this guy was shot.” Okay.

carrie

Yup.

ross

Cool.

carrie

My favorite thing about these places is that they will also collect things that are just from a person who has died, which is all the people.

ross

Yes.

carrie

Except the ones who are currently alive. A tiny fraction of humanity.

ross

Who haven’t died yet.

carrie

Oh, no, that’s not even true, is it? Because of exponential population.

ross

But even still, the currently living humans are a small percentage of all humans who have lived.

carrie

Is that true, though? Because I’ve heard before like, oh no, something like sixty percent of all the humans who ever lived have lived in the last hundred years.

ross

It also depends on where you draw the line, you know, like 180 thousand years ago, where do you define humanity?

carrie

Oh, what’s a human?

ross

But that is a good point, actually. The human population has ballooned incredibly in the last—okay, so that’s a good point.

carrie

Anyway. You get the point though, guys.

ross

They had all these weird like, this guy drowned in this pool, here’s a tile from that pool. Like, okay. And, this is my favorite, they had a caption with a photo of Charles Manson, and a lock of his hair in a plastic bag, and it says, “A lock of hair from Charles Manson’s scuzzy head.” [Both laugh.] Wh—scuzzy? Where’d that come from?

carrie

You know, I have a texting friend who’s, like, a very big Charles Manson great truther—

ross

Wait, hold the phone. What is a texting friend? Someone that you—it’s like a pen pal, but through text?

carrie

Yeah, like we really only communicate through text.

ross

This is fascinating. Okay.

carrie

Yeah, he was like, one of Charles Manson’s friends. Anyway, I’m very cool. So, you know what else is cool though?

ross

Quip.

carrie

Yes. Exactly.

ross

Toothbrushes.

carrie

That’s what I was thinking. So today I went to the dentist, Ross. Ross, is it?

ross

I am Ross.

carrie

And I had a dental cleaning. I get them once every four months.

ross

Oh, wow. Good for you.

carrie

Thank you. And you know, if you ask your dentist, or your dental hygienist, they’ll tell you better brushing is less about the brush and more about how you use it.

ross

Yeah, that’s what my dental care professional said.

carrie

It’s important to use it well, and Quip was created by dentists and product designers to focus on what actually matters for your oral health, which is healthier habits.

ross

And Quip’s sensitive vibrations with a built-in timer guide gentle brushing for the dentist recommended two minutes, with 30 second pulses ensuring an even clean. So, every 30 seconds it reminds you, ah, maybe you start working on the next quadrant, or however you want to divide your mouth up.

carrie

And the sleek, intuitive design is simple to use, and comes with a travel cap that doubles as a mirror mount.

ross

These thoughtful features make brushing something that you actually wanna do twice a day.

carrie

Yeah.

ross

You know, or three times if you wanna take it to work and brush right after your meal.

carrie

I brush a good three times a day probably.

ross

You do?

carrie

Eh, probably.

ross

I’m a two times a day kind of guy.

carrie

I work from home though, so I can just be like, “Oh that’s right, I had lunch. Why don’t I brush them?”

ross

That’s super convenient, yeah.

carrie

All you have to do is never get to see people. [Ross laughs.] Quip starts at just $25 and you’ll get your first brush head refill free—

ross

Free!

carrie

—at GetQuip.com/ohno.

ross

It’s a simple way to support our show, and to start brushing better, but you have to go to GetQuip.com/ohno to get your first refill free.

carrie

Go right now to GetQuip.com/ohno.

ross

Wait a second, Carrie. I’m getting a message from Jeanette McDonald.

carrie

Woah. From McDonald’s?

ross

No. She was America’s sweetheart, and a very talented singer. Really an opera-trained singer in the mid to late 30s, I think was kind of her prime.

carrie

Wait, let me Google this. [Gasps] That’s accurate! [Gasps louder.]

ross

Wait a second. I’m getting a Nelson, that she knew a Nelson.

carrie

Yes!

ross

Nelson Eddy?

carrie

Yes!

ross

Oh my g—

carrie

That is also coming up on this Google search!

ross

Is that easy to confirm on your phone?

carrie

Yes, it’s right here on my phone. It took me less than ten seconds to find that.

ross

Well, now you know it’s true, and rather than revealing any pertinent information about her life, she wanted me to tell you that you should invest in comfortable footwear.

carrie

Woah. This is changing my world view. Now that I know that humans survive the death of their own bodies, and they come back, and they find special people who are really good at talking to them, and then they say, “I have advice for someone else who I’ve never met, but who’s in that room.” Now that I know the world’s like that, I’m gonna get some Rothy’s shoes, because— [Both laugh.] —because Rothy’s are fun. They are functional. They’re pretty, and they’re made of recycled water bottles, folks.

ross

It’s so cool. So yeah, you could have shoes made out of new materials mined out of the depths of the Earth—no, that’s not how shoes are made—or you could have shoes that come from reclaimed materials that would have just gone straight into a turtle’s nose.

carrie

[Laughing] Did you know that people actually use pigs to hunt for shoes in the Perisian wood? Yeah, I know. Or, you can get shoes that are made out of like, coffee grounds that a cat eats.

ross

Wait, is this—is this a real thing?

carrie

No.

ross

‘Cause they hunt for truffles. Okay.

carrie

I was thinking of different things that people love to tell you how they’re made.

ross

[Laughing] Oh yeah—

carrie

Did you know the cat poop coffee?

ross

Yup, yup.

carrie

Oh, is that the one you were gonna say?

ross

No, but I know that reference, and this is me nodding like, “Yup, I know some trivia, I’ve heard about the cat poop coffee.”

carrie

[Laughing] You gotta let people know!

ross

You are not the first one to tell me this information.

carrie

I’m nodding, I’m nodding, I’m nodding. Um, shoes also can kill you if you leave them in a cave for too long and you intentionally put bugs in the middle of them so they extra mold and it’s actually a delicacy in some countries, but it can kill you. That’s that cheese. Anyway, have you heard about this company making stylish shoes for women and girls out of recycled plastic water bottles?

ross

Yeah, now we’re back to the real information. So Rothy’s are the perfect everyday shoes for life on the go. They own and operate their manufacturing workshop, where they prioritize sustainability every step of the way, plus Rothy’s ship directly in their shoebox. No unnecessary packaging.

carrie

Thank God.

ross

Which we appreciate for the environment as well.

carrie

These are feel-good flats in more ways than one. Plus, Rothy’s always come with free shipping and free returns and exchanges, so there’s no risk, there’s no worries, and there’s no reason not to try.

ross

So check out all of the amazing styles available right now at Rothys.com/ohno.

carrie

Go to Rothys.com/ohno to get your new favorite flats.

ross

Comfort, style, and sustainability, these are the shoes you’ve been waiting for.

carrie

So head to Rothys.com/ohno today.

carrie

We get back to the room, the main room where we’ve been having our quote-unquote séance-slash-trivia contest, and it’s time to actually get some heavy duty readings for the people in this room.

ross

At last.

carrie

Boy. And the whole front row is gonna get readings, because they’re the VIP ticket holders.

ross

They paid twice as much.

carrie

Yeah. They deserve it.

ross

Yup. And so she starts working her way from the far side of the room, and there’s only two main rows, and there’s a few people sort of bunched up on either side who don’t really answer to any row categorization, but roughly she’s working from the far side of the front row towards us. She does a lot of aura reading.

carrie

She does, yeah. So if you get a reading from Jill Marie Morris, you might be hearing from your ancestors, you might be hearing from famous people, she may read your aura, she may just read your energy, she may just give you a psychic reading and specify to you, “This is just me being psychic, this is not a particular spirit telling me this.” She has a lot of cats in her kettle.

ross

Yeah, she could talk to—

carrie

I made up that saying just now. So her first sitter is a woman in maybe her 50s. This woman had a really dark blue aura apparently, and she said, “Now, blue’s a good color. It’s balanced, it’s very even-handed, a person who’s very blue is very calm.” So we’re back to blue is calm, which reminds me of—

crosstalk

Both: Jerry Mungadze.

carrie

She said, “Now, but yours is dark blue, and a super dark blue like that can mean you’re taking on too much, especially other people’s problems, other people’s energies. Now, a man’s coming through for you, he’s showing lots of gratitude, but he says you need to let go of something, and I think this is a young guy. He died at 32, 33?” I’m thinking, “Jesus?”

ross

Oh, yeah. 33.

carrie

But she said, “No, I don’t think so.” So Jill says, “Well, okay, what I’m seeing is like maybe a Lewis, and the Lewis had heart pain. Does this make sense to you?” And she’s like, “No.” “Okay, well why do I see you drawing people? I have an image of you drawing people. Does that make sense to you?” “Uh, no?”

ross

“Or watching someone else draw people?”

carrie

Yeah.

ross

Like, okay, so maybe you know an artist.

carrie

Right, or you overheard someone talking about drawing, maybe.

ross

Oh, and I think this is where there was a woman sitting right behind her said, “I’m in a drawing class.” “Oh, there we go. That’s so weird. Sometimes my psychic energies, they’ll pick up the person right next to you.”

carrie

Isn’t that fun?

ross

Isn’t that interesting?

carrie

And then she told us that one time she asked a couple of ladies, “Were you guys fighting about a stove on the way here? I know that’s a really weird question.” And it turned out it was the women next to them who were actually arguing about it like as they were walking to this event.

ross

Oh, like out on the street where they were overheard.

carrie

I know, I was like, “Don’t tell us that detail. Let me clean this up for you.”

ross

Speaking of which, she does drawings of her own. Spirit drawings.

carrie

Oh, right. You can see them on her website.

ross

Jill Marie Morris.

carrie

They’re pretty cool.

ross

Yeah, and—you told me about this—she talks about her great, great grandmother, Gertrude, she has a spirit drawing of her, who was a full-blooded Chippewa Native American Indian.

carrie

This could be true, but it’s also a very common trope for white people, this is a fellow white person—

ross

To have this story of the one Native American person back in the ancestry.

carrie

And then sort of patronizingly attribute magical qualities to them—

ross

Yes, some sort of—

carrie

—and that’s definitely going on here.

ross

—communication with nature or the spirit world.

carrie

Right. It can be a part of it, but you don’t know default because this person’s Indigenous that that’s their vibe.

ross

Little weird she’d put that on her website. Yes.

carrie

Little weird. This is so common though that if you go to 23andMe’s FAQ, an FAQ is, “Why does it not say I’m Native American when I know that I’m Native American, ‘cause my family’s told me?”

ross

Oh, and it seems Cherokee is the most common one.

carrie

Yes, oh yeah, I hear that a lot.

ross

I’ve run into this with a few people who have been convinced that there was Cherokee bloodline, and of course this very famously came up with—

carrie

Elizabeth Warren.

ross

Elizabeth Warren. Indeed.

carrie

Okay, anyway, so this woman with all the blue, she needs to figure out how not to be such a sponge anymore, she’s taking on all this energy, still doesn’t know who Lewis is. She’s not really verifying one—but she’s not fighting back, either. It just seems to not really be landing for her. So she says, “Well, you let me know if you figure out who Lewis is. You can go on my website and use the contact form. You’re gonna run into him, he’s probably an ancestor you don’t know about, but be patient.”

ross

Mmkay.

carrie

Yeah, what are we gonna do with—

ross

Not a strong reading.

carrie

Nope. So then reading two, another woman. She has a purple aura, which means she has passion, spirituality, but she’s also got a temper, and she doesn’t really respond to that, and then she says, “Oh, well, I mean, you’re not quick to anger, but you bottle up your anger and then you explode.” Okay. So, the two modes of being a human.

ross

Yeah. Right. First one didn’t work, so.

carrie

Right. Let’s try this other one.

ross

By default, the other one.

carrie

‘Cause option three would be a human who never gets mad. What would that be? But so when she says that, her friends kind of titter, and she’s like, “Okay, that’s true, that’s true.” So she says, “Okay, well the person coming through for you is Sarah, if that makes sense. She’s at peace, she wants you to—oh, this is interesting, she says she wants you to be more feminine. Like tone something down, don’t be a bull in a China shop. I want you be more proper. And you know what’s interesting, I don’t see you as improper, but she’s saying that—oh, maybe when you get really anger, she wants you to just sort of like, pull back a little bit, be a little more delicate.” She’s like, “Oh. Okay.”

ross

Yeah, no strong hits happening here, either.

carrie

Right. Also, total sidebar, but she kept saying “bull in a China shop” and then that shop got smaller and smaller. She said “bull in a China shop”, then “bull in a China closet”, then “bull in a China cabinet”. I was just waiting for like, a drawer, a doll house, something smaller than—a thimble.

ross

That’s funny. I didn’t pick up on that. That’s good.

carrie

Yeah, so she asked her, is she into reading gossip magazines? And she’s like, “I guess I read some of that stuff online.” She says, “Okay, I thought so.” Okay. Okay, there was one hit. She said, “So, who is Sarah?” She said, “My great-grandmother’s name was Sarah.” Ah! Okay. That’s all we need there, let’s move on to reading three.

ross

Okay, I just came up with another pitch for a TV show.

carrie

Is it Flavor Babies?

ross

No, but that’s a great idea.

carrie

We still have to do Flavor Babies.

ross

Yeah, Carrie’s in my other podcast that we need to start. But, okay so the other show would be called One Hit Wonder, and you’re a psychic— [Both start laughing.] —and you have a room full of people and you just like, you bomb every reading until finally you get one good hit, and you’re like, “Thank you, everybody!” And that’s the end of the show.

carrie

And everybody wonders about it. Oh, how did this idiot get a show? That’s the wonder.

ross

Saturdays on NBC.

carrie

Okay. Reading number three. So, on this person, a male was coming through. This was, I gotta give it to her, this was brilliant. She’s like, “He’s like, barking like a dog, like angry, almost like a dog’s bark.” Oh my gosh, so smart. Okay, so now all we need is an aggressive man, or a literal dog—

ross

Right!

carrie

—who is dead.

ross

Yeah, and then it’ll be a strong hit. And you leaned over to me and you said, “Oh, sounds like Toome.”

carrie

“That’s my Toom-tooms.”

ross

Yeah.

carrie

Boy, he was an aggressive little shit, but I loved him. So, also the male said, “Hidey-ho.”

ross

Oh, so Wilson from Home Improvement.

carrie

Exactly.

ross

“Hidey-ho, neighbor.”

carrie

And she said, uh, “He would dunk everything he ate. You know, donut in coffee, sandwich in gravy, whatever.”

ross

That was an interesting, very specific one. Yeah, he was a real dunker.

carrie

Loved dunking.

ross

And uh, no to that.

carrie

No. She’s like, okay.

ross

Would you have been impressed if he had been at Dunkirk in World War II?

carrie

[Laughing] Yeah. Probably.

ross

But that didn’t happen either.

carrie

Or if he were like, a professional basketball player.

ross

Oh yeah. And she was reading some of these things that weren’t particularly hitting, but I was thinking, “Oh, these are good lines though.” Like she had some clever ones, and it sort of inspired me, like oh, you know what, I need to start writing down a list of all of the good kind of psychic tropes that work for a lot of people.

carrie

Okay, but also the dunker could just be a professional baptizer. Go on.

ross

Yes! Oh my—that would’ve been a great hit, if she said, “Oh, he was a minister, and he would baptize people.” “Yes, that’s why I see him dunking.”

carrie

He loved to dunk things.

ross

You know what, I’m adding that to my list. [Carrie laughs.] He loved to dunk.

carrie

“—to dunk. I know that sounds crazy, but was he maybe at Dunkirk, or was he maybe a basketball player, or a minister who baptized people? Like, think outside the box here.”

ross

This is gold.

carrie

And then she said, “You know, you seem very calm but I’m sensing a lot of anxiety under the surface.” She’s like, “Um, okay.”

ross

Yeah, this was a good line that I thought, “Oh yeah, I could use this for the future.

carrie

It totally—yeah.

ross

‘Cause that just describes everybody, and that’s one of those kind of forward statements, that you present a very cool and collected exterior, but inside you’re your own worst critic and constantly full of self-doubt. Yes, oh wow, how did you know that? Oh my gosh, I put so much energy into presenting the best version of me to the world, but inside I’m a mess, how did you know that?

carrie

Do you follow my Instagram?

ross

That’s because we’re humans. That’s what we all do.

carrie

Yeah, what you should really ask yourself in these moments is, am I so that, that like a stranger would describe me as that, or a good friend?

ross

That it stands out, that you’d be unusual in that respect. But yeah, I thought that was such a smart line, so, mental note.

carrie

Oh, for sure. She said, “Have you been thinking about getting a part time getaway? Like, okay, so it’s not a permanent thing, but like a step away and come back, step away and come back, it’s almost like you go there part time.”

ross

She’s, like, doing her best not to say the words “timeshare” but that’s exactly what she was describing. Did you buy a time share?

carrie

Yeah. And we were both like, just waiting for her to be like, “Because, for twenty days only, I can offer you—”

ross

“I’m sensing maybe in Florida. You don’t have that? Well, the spirits tell me you should.”

carrie

“You probably should, and—oh, I have a—oh my god, I have a form right here, that’s so weird.” She didn’t do that. So then this woman’s dad came through, and he was saying, “I was your dad, damn it! Does that make sense to you?” Okay, yeah. Thinking like, I was your dad? Yeah, that’s gonna make sense.

ross

But damn it?

carrie

Damn it, okay.

ross

I guess if he swore a lot, maybe she would say like, “Oh, that’s him.”

carrie

Oh, sure. Yeah.

ross

It wasn’t getting a strong reaction.

carrie

So then she said, “Was your dad a doctor?” And she said, “Well, I don’t know.” Now, this is a huge giveaway.

ross

Yeah.

carrie

And Jill somehow didn’t pick up on it.

ross

Yeah, very clearly she’s intimating that she never knew her father.

carrie

She never knew her dad. Come on.

ross

So either he died when she was young—

carrie

Okay, right.

ross

—or he was an absent father.

carrie

Right. She’s like, “Was he—okay, something about a nursery? He’s showing me a nursery now.” I’m like, lady.

ross

Missed opportunity.

carrie

Boy, oh boy. Anyway, she just keeps getting no’s from this woman, and then she says uh, “Now, I also—Is there like a mother figure who passed?” So, not your mother, a mother figure who p—okay, any wo—do you know any dead woman? You know? [Laughs.]

ross

No, only men have died in my life.

carrie

Yeah, isn’t that amazing? Just kind of no reaction, and then she’s like, “You know it’s interesting, because I feel like your mother and father don’t operate together. They’re not as like a single entity.”

ross

Okay, there we go. That’s—now she’s picking up the breadcrumb trail.

carrie

Right, so the sitter’s like, “Oh, yes, uh-huh, that makes sense. Okay.” Then she just keeps going for it. “Your mom’s talking about her knees and how she’d go in and out of the kitchen, her knees really hurt.” Sitter’s like, “Gosh, that doesn’t mean anything to me.”

ross

I will give Jill credit for this, whereas with Cindy Kaza I feel like she was almost reading from an actuarial table, like what’s the most common name, what is the most common situation, I feel like Jill would more often go for those kind of wild grabs that are really good payoffs if they hit.

carrie

Yes.

ross

But then, you know, at least in this case, there were a string of misses all in a row.

carrie

Right. When you do that and you get even one hit, we will forgive 20+ misses, if you get a really good, specific hit, and I will get one later in this story.

ross

Like Mark Edward, who we’ve had on the show a couple times—he may have mentioned this on the show—but he’ll say in his routines, he’ll say something like, “What is it with the clown and the graveyard?” Which just sounds so bizarre and weird and different, but if you’ve got a big enough crowd, someone’s got a story about a clown in a graveyard, and for them that’s gonna feel like the most intimate thing, that you just jumped inside their heads.

carrie

In Ian Rowland’s book on cold reading he talks about just the importance of going full gusto at a random fact if you have a big enough audience. I mean, and be really random with yourself, kind of like with improv, like don’t even think about whether this makes sense.

ross

Don’t censor it.

carrie

Be like, “Why do I see a man with a kettle for a head?” It should feel that bizarre, because then when it hits for someone, it’s huge.

ross

Oh, one of my favorite X-Files episodes was “A Repose of Clyde Bruckman” or something like that. One of my favorite X-Files writers wrote that one, and one of the psychic readings was seeing a little, squat Nazi storm trooper, and so later on they’re at the scene of the crime and they see a propane tank and it has just this kind of covering that looks sort of like a hat, and from the back doesn’t it look like a squat, white Nazi storm trooper?

carrie

Oh, wow.

ross

And it was just one of those weird things where later on it connected just enough to—

carrie

Uh-huh. And this is fiction.

ross

This is fiction, right.

carrie

That’s funny.

ross

But I think it’s a good example the kind of thing you can throw out there and it just might work.

carrie

It might. So, anyway, Jill asks this woman, “So do you have any questions for me?” and she says, “Well, who else comes through for me?” So this woman is not satisfied. She says, “Well, you also have an aunt, she’s really clingy. Do you know who that is?” She’s like, “Mm, I don’t think so.” “Okay, well, she is. She really takes possession over you. She didn’t want her death to be formal and she was grateful that you protected her.” And this is just like, clearly gibberish to this woman, she’s just nodding politely. Alright, moving on to the next person. Reading number four.

ross

You’re welcome, that was worth forty dollars.

carrie

Reading number four. This woman has lots of green in her aura, and that means there’s a lot of health around her, and she says, “You know, I get this a lot with PT/OT, doctors, anything in sort of the medical field.” And she says, “Well, what about speech?” She says, “Oh yeah, totally, no, speech, yeah, mm-hm.”

ross

“Oh, I always forget speech, but yes, definitely.”

carrie

Exactly. And then she said, “Now, yellow is really good for you. You should be attracted to yellow. And I’m getting the name Will. Like as a short for William, Will is coming in. That’s a really good name for you.” She’s like, “Uh, don’t know any Wills.” “Okay, that’s good, you know, maybe you’ll meet him. He’s gonna be very important. It’s like, my brother’s name is Will. It’s gonna be like that.”

ross

Pretty impressive not to know a Will.

carrie

Yeah, you’re right.

ross

And then someone said, “Oh, maybe it’s somebody who has a will.”

carrie

Yes, trying to help her.

ross

And she said, “No, no, no, we don’t do that.”

carrie

“We don’t do that. We stick to names and genders and nothing else.”

ross

You know, I always think that’s to their credit when they slough off one of the multiplier effects.

carrie

Oh, for sure. So then a grandmother comes through and says, “Don’t go to a casino.” And the sitter’s like, “Don’t worry.”

ross

“I never go to a casino.”

carrie

“I don’t like those.”

ross

“Well, don’t.”

carrie

She’s like, “Well, don’t, and don’t be surprised if someone asks you, and don’t go.” “Alright.”

ross

How often does that happen? “Hey, Maude. Let’s go to a casino.”

carrie

[Laughing] Maude!

ross

“It’ll be great.”

carrie

“Oh, I really shouldn’t.”

ross

“You could—no, you could win a lot of money.”

carrie

“I hate casinos but maybe I w—no, wait, the psychic told me this would happen. I will not go.”

ross

“Oh, alright.”

carrie

Harold slinks off. [Ross laughs.] Um, so yeah, she says, “I really—I don’t like casinos.” “Well, good, you shouldn’t.”

ross

You know, she shouldn’t go to a casino— [Carrie laughs.] —with how her gambling was turning out that night.

carrie

Touché. So then she said, “Okay, do you have any questions for me?” And this woman also asks, “Do you see anything else for me?” Unsatisfied customers here.

ross

Oh, wow. So she’s maybe hoping there’s something...

carrie

Something more. Imagine if you like, came here to talk to your dead daughter or something, and they’re like, “Well, I see a Shawn. Oh, yes, your cousin’s uncle’s dad, that’s him.”

ross

With the Independent Investigations Group that I often mention, I once posed as a palm reader on the streets of Los Feliz, and I had some very successful palm readings. Later on we were asking them to rate my performance and one woman said like, “Oh, he got so close, ‘cause he was talking about like, medical issues, and if he had mentioned my chest, like I just had a diagnosis.”

carrie

Oh, wow.

ross

It was something where I had gotten very close but I hadn’t crossed that line and if I’d just been a little bolder it would’ve been a huge hit for her. She still gave me like a seven or eight out of ten, but like, you could tell she was ready to be like, really impressed if I had—and that would’ve been such an easy thing to say, like, “Oh, I’m sensing something—” Because everybody who, not everybody, but many people who die do so from an injury to their chest area, or their head area, because our brains and our hearts are really important for keeping us alive. And so just saying something about that region could go a long way, and if it’s not her, it’s someone in her immediate family or that’s something you should watch out for, talk to your doctor about. Yeah, I passed up on that opportunity. It would’ve been a great hit.

carrie

You know, my dad used to always say when people would say in the newspaper that someone died of heart failure, he’d always say, “Well, everyone dies of heart failure.” [Both chuckle.] Anyway, so do you see anything else, and she says, “Well, your grandmother’s very controlling. No offense.” She would say no offense a lot. “But no one else is coming forward. Well, actually, wait. Maybe a Paula or a Pauline?” She’s like, “Uh, I can kind of think of someone, but not someone I know well.” “Well, it doesn’t matter. Who is she?” “I think she’s the aunt of my brother-in-law. I’ve never met her.” “Did she have weird hair?” And the sitter says, “She kinda did.”

ross

I like this weird hair one, too! These are kind of fun.

carrie

Yeah. Jill’s like, “Yeah, it’s weird what the spirits validate.” So then she said, “Your grandma’s really protective, and if you have new friends that leave you, if people tend to sort of dissipate from your life quickly, that’s your grandma pushing them out.” And this sweet sitter said, “Well, I’ll pay more attention, how’s that?”

ross

[Laughs.] Oh, that’s right. I remember this woman. She was—there’s something about her that I liked from the very start, but yeah, she was very gracious in her denials of—

carrie

Yeah, you could tell. She was getting across both sentiments, I’m not holding this against you, but also I wouldn’t say I’m impressed.

ross

Yeah. Class.

carrie

Then we get reading number five. She immediately turns to this woman and says, “Who’s Casey?” So this sitter doesn’t know, but then her like, maybe friend or sister a couple seats over—

ross

These are all great casts of the fishing line, but they’re just not hooking.

carrie

Casey is also great, because it could be the name Casey or it could be the initials K.C.

ross

Mm-hm. I think it’s great. If I were doing a cold reading, I would throw out a lot of lines like she’s using.

carrie

So, sitter doesn’t know but her friend or maybe sister two seats over does, and says, “Oh yeah, Casey loves her.” So, Casey loves Nicole. So now we learned our sitter’s name.

ross

Oh yeah, this did turn into a hit.

carrie

“Yeah, because she took care of Casey’s brother, who was my husband, when he was dying.” Okay. Alright. And so, you know, the sitter’s like, “Oh, okay, sure.” And so Jill says, “Well, you’re getting news from Casey, it’s like a wind in your ear. He’s saying count your pennies.” Okay. Sitter doesn’t really understand that. She’s like, “It’s not necessarily a problem for you, but that’s what I’m seeing.” The sitter says, “Well, I am managing my dad’s budget for him. He’s quite elderly, and he keeps overspending, he keeps like buying stuffed animals and things he doesn’t need.” Which I love. The old man who spends too much on stuffed animals. She says, “Okay, that must be what it is. And was there a really close call in a car?”

ross

That’s a great cold reading.

carrie

That is a good one. Ross takes out his phone to add it.

ross

I’ve got a list here that I’m keeping.

carrie

The sitter says, “Oh, okay. Yeah, a few days ago, I thought a cop was gonna pull us over.” She says, “Okay, that’s when your mother was protecting you.”

ross

Everyone’s got a story of a close call in the car. You do.

carrie

Oh, yeah.

ross

I do. Yeah. We all do. Another good catch-all cold reading is the, oh—what was the incident around the water when you were a kid? You know, everybody has that.

carrie

Immediate. Yeah. And then, okay, so she says her mother was protecting her, and then she says, “And people often ask me like, well how can a spirit do that, how can it protect me if it’s just energy? Well, think of it like friction. If you rub a balloon in your hair and it pulls your hair up, it’s like that.”

ross

Okay.

carrie

Mm-hm.

ross

I know of that phenomenon.

carrie

Mm-hm. That’s all we need. Okay, now here is one of the most blatant hot readings I have ever heard, and I’ve been in this business for a long time, sir. Okay, so she says, “Now your mother is showing me little, tiny baskets, like itty, bitty baskets, and each one holds an egg, and she says they’re not separated the right way, you have them all pushed together but they need to be separated correctly into their own specific tiny basket.” Okay.

ross

Mm-hm. So we do a little bit of back and forth before we realize that this woman has a collection of Fabergé eggs.

carrie

That her mother had. She’s not that impressed by them, so she has them sort of pushed into a corner.

ross

I assume they’re not actually made by the real Fabergé.

carrie

Probably not, but I did look up famous Fabergé egg collectors just to make sure I couldn’t get a read. I could not. And she’s like, “Oh yeah, she loved these stupid eggs. I know what you’re talking about, and I pushed them into the corner. It’s kind of a joke between me and my friends.” And I’m thinking, “Oh, so a thing you would post about on social media?”

ross

Ah. Well, and also this is one of the families that had been read by her many times before.

carrie

Well her mom is always with her, she loves her, but fix those eggs. Okay, cool. Got it. Next person’s a man, and she says, “With you, I see a man holding a sign that says 14. Does that mean anything to you?” So, 14 is sort of um, what’s the—a dog whistle for white supremacy. It is this—there’s the 14 word phrase, something like, “We’ll protect the whiteness of our children throughout history,” blah blah blah, just like racist nonsense.

ross

Okay, you don’t think she was purposefully going for that, it’s just—

carrie

I wouldn’t think so, but I did wonder if she had seen some sort of picture of someone holding up the number 14, which would scream white supremacist.

ross

Wow, how horrible would that be if like, he acknowledged that and then she said “blood and soil” and then she moved on to—

carrie

Oh my God, can you imagine?

ross

—the next reading. Wow, yeah I had no idea of any of that.

carrie

So she says, “Does that mean anything to you?” and he doesn’t really respond, and she says, “Well, I see him in like a navy uniform, does that make sense?” and he’s like, “Well, yeah, he was in the Navy for forty years.”

ross

That deserved a slightly better reaction than he gave her.

carrie

Yeah, but at the same time, I kind of get it. It’s like, “Well, that’s such a hit that I’m not impressed, because you must have looked that up.”

ross

Oh. Interesting, okay, yeah, yeah.

carrie

But she said, “Well, he’s showing me himself in a white uniform holding a sign that says 14 and smirking, and he says ‘lucky dog’”. And he’s like, “Oh gosh, I don’t know what that means.” She said, “It be something with Vegas or Cambodia.” He’s like, “Nope.” “Okay, well your dad says if you have to stay home for a little while to take care of yourself, just do it, and you’re gonna have to get something bone-related done, and just take care of yourself.” And his wife’s like, “Yeah, okay, he’s getting a bone graft.”

ross

In his, uh, mouth, yeah.

carrie

Yeah, so that he can get a dental implant.

ross

And so, that was the connection with the bone thing there, okay.

carrie

Take care of that.

ross

Alright. I still feel like these readings are getting warmer on this side of the room.

carrie

Oh, you mean as in they are better hits or hotter readings?

ross

Hotter—oh, both, I guess, yeah.

carrie

Both, yeah. Oh, this is really cute. She’s like, “Your dad also really appreciates that you quietly give to people. Do you know what that means?”

ross

Oh, I’m putting that in my list. That’s another good one.

carrie

I was waiting for something along the lines of, “Yeah, you know, every month I give to Doctors Without Borders,” or whatever.

ross

Yeah, and it’s such a good opportunity for a humble brag, too.

carrie

Yes, totally. “Oh, well, you dragged it out of me, but I guess I do—”

ross

“Actually—”

carrie

“—I am in fact a member of the ASPCA.”

ross

“—I do give quite a bit.”

carrie

But he said, “Well, whenever I go to Starbucks, I buy myself something but then I also buy something for someone else, but I don’t tell them.”

ross

Aw, that’s nice.

carrie

It was so cute! So cute.

ross

I love it.

carrie

Um, she’s like, “Well, he’s very proud of you. That’s something he would do, too.” “Oh, yes, it is.” So reading number seven, we get this woman who Jill says, “I see that you have a sort of a need to joke around, and that’s good, and your paternal grandpa comes through and he’s really arrogant, he has like a chip on his shoulder.” And the sitter says, “Oh, no. He was—

ross

“That wouldn’t be him.”

carrie

“—he was so humble.” “Nope. Nope. He was very proud.”

ross

“I went for the opposite end of the spectrum and it would be too embarrassing for me to change.”

carrie

“And so I will rewrite all of your memories. Okey-dokey? No, I see him as edgy, he comes off that way to me, and he says I shouldn’t even be doing this. I shouldn’t be doing medium work.”

ross

I thought that was very clever. Like, oh that’s a way to turn that into his reaction just to her as—

carrie

Right, preserve your memory.

ross

—as the messenger. That was a smart pivot.

carrie

And, you know, old guy more likely to be religious. So she said, “Oh, was he religious?” and she says, “Kind—not really.”

ross

Oh, boy. Another one that has a high probability of being correct—

carrie

Totally.

ross

—didn’t work.

carrie

She said, “Okay, well now I see something with a TV.” And she says, “Yeah, I don’t know. I didn’t know him well.” Jill just said, “Shoot.” [Starts laughing.]

ross

Most honest thing uttered in the entire evening.

carrie

For real, I really was disappointed. Then—I really didn’t like this—then she was like, “Hey, whose dog broke a leg?” She says, “Oh, my daughter’s dog is fifteen. Not doing so well.”

ross

He’s got a bruised paw or something. It wasn’t quite a broken leg but yeah, some kind of weakness.

carrie

Yeah. And you know, he’s older, so he’s got a lot of kind of bumps and bruises, and she says, “How do I say this? Do you want to hear everything or no?”

ross

Hmm.

carrie

She says, “Oh, you can say everything.” “Okay. This dog isn’t doing well, he’s got a bad foot, he’s struggling, and I see you’re gonna have to make a decision about this dog in the not so distant future.”

ross

You would’ve fought this woman if she’d done that to you.

carrie

I would’ve been—oh, yeah. I mean, it kind of hurts me to just read my notes that say that, because it’s like, it’s that same thing. It’s like, you don’t know anything about this situation and you’re gonna give yourself extra credit for having insight, and tell me I’m going to have to kill my dog soon? Screw you.

ross

That’s as scuzzy as Charles Manson’s hair.

carrie

[Laughing] I thought you were gonna say as scuzzy as Charles Manson. I was like, “Well, okay, let me back off a little.” His hair?

ross

His hair, yeah. His scuzzy head.

carrie

And then she said, “You know, use your common sense with what you do as a nurse, I know you will.” This woman had not, as far I know, mentioned being a nurse, so there was a giveaway that they had had prior—

ross

Yup yup yup.

carrie

Yup. So anyway, this lady’s gonna get some money soon.

ross

Mmkay.

carrie

So that’s good.

ross

Cool. Not at the casino, don’t go there.

carrie

Okay. Reading eight. Boy, we got our money’s worth here. So with reading number eight, she said, “I’m hearing the song ‘I Don’t Know Why I Love You But I Do’.” That old song. [Singing] I don’t know why I love you, but I do. [Breaks off, imitating horn sounds.]

ross

Oh. Thank you for singing that, ‘cause in the moment, I was thinking, ah, I don’t know why I don’t know this but I don’t.

carrie

Yeah, that lady didn’t seem to resonate with her.

ross

Again, like, if it was a hit, that would be a great hit.

carrie

Oh, totally. And then she said, “Well, your husband—” and I think she either knew that from before or had picked up on that from the Casey discussion, this woman has a dead husband. She said, “He wants to congratulate you. What’s that about?” And she said, “Oh, that makes sense. He always wanted me to lose weight and, you know, for my health, he was very sweet about it, and I just lost 70 pounds. So.”

ross

We all clap for her.

carrie

Woo, we all clap for that. Good job.

ross

That was obviously a goal for her and she was happy about it.

carrie

Right, yeah, and she mentioned it was for her health. And then Jill said, “And, you know, a lot of money’s gonna start flowing to you.” She said, “Oh, okay, good!”

ross

I remember that, she said, “Yeah, he wants to congratulate you because you’ve turned over a new leaf.”

carrie

A new leaf. That’s right.

ross

Yeah, which I wrote down in my little doc of uh, of good phrases to read to people. That’s a good one. ‘Cause then they fill in the info, but you get the credit for identifying whatever recent success they had.

carrie

And even if you haven’t totally but you just feel like, oh I am trying something new, you’ll just—okay, this is the right path.

ross

Now it’s validated. That effort has been acknowledged by your loved one. Yup. It’s a smart one.

carrie

And then she said, “Oh, and also go to the pool more!” Everybody wants to go—

ross

Wants to go to the pool!

carrie

—to the pool!

ross

It’s so true.

carrie

It’s true. That’s a reference to our Ayahuasca episode. But guess who got reading number nine?

ross

You!

carrie

Yes! Finally!

ross

Yeah, she moved over to the second row.

carrie

Yeah, who wants a reading? So okay, I do. And I said, um, “Yeah, I’m getting married in a year.” Everyone applauded for me because I fell in love. And then I said, “Do you see anything with my engagement or my wedding?” And she said, “Don’t be surprised if a Milo interferes.” Now, she didn’t say Milo, she said my actual ex’s real name.

ross

Which is a common name.

carrie

It’s a common name.

ross

But still.

carrie

But it’s—that’s—

ross

It was—

carrie

—a wonderful hit.

ross

It was an impressive hit, and Carrie burst out laughing.

carrie

I laughed. I snorted. You said, “Wow!” We were both very impressed.

ross

That was good.

carrie

Everyone’s like sort of waiting for us to explain, and I said, “Well, my last boyfriend’s name was Milo, before my fiancé.” The whole crowd went, “Oh!” And she looked like, shocked, like, “Oh, yes, mm-hm!”

ross

“Yes, I knew that, well—”

carrie

“Oh, of course, that’s why I said that.”

ross

“—he may try to interfere.”

carrie

Yeah, and I said, “What’s he gonna do?” She said, “Well, I see interference, all of the sudden he’s just there, and I see you kind of like, ‘leave me alone’, you’ll hold down the fort well, it’ll be good, just tell him to take a hike.” I said, “I will.”

ross

If, uh, we hear anything from Milo between now and your wedding, we’ll call that a hit.

carrie

For sure.

ross

‘Cause I don’t expect that to happen.

carrie

If he shows up at the wedding, I would be 40% delighted.

ross

Really?

carrie

Well, yes, because I haven’t heard from him in years, it would be so absurd, and it would validate this. I don’t know. It would be very good.

ross

Should we have like a secret keyword if you need me to remove him?

carrie

Oh, definitely remove him no matter what.

ross

Because I will. Okay.

carrie

[Laughing] I want him to show up and me to be like, “This is so nuts!” and then him to go.

ross

Okay. Cool.

carrie

Cool. So the next reading was a woman who—okay, so she raised her hand and she’s like, “I’ve had a lot of deaths in my family recently. Can you see anything?” Hoo boy. Guess who comes through?

ross

Oh, I can’t even remember.

carrie

Shaun.

ross

Shaun of the Dead?

carrie

[Laughs.] No. I guess so, technically. So she’s like, “I don’t think I know a Shaun.” Okay, so we have this poor person who’s had multiple deaths in her life recently, comes to a medium and a Shaun who she can’t place comes through?

ross

Now—now we’re just playing this weird exercise of me trying to validate the name you came up with.

carrie

Yup. And so—but she can’t think of any Shaun, which is amazing, and then Jill’s like, “I think he’s a friend of a suicide victim.” Okay, so our sitter’s like, “Okay, I have a family member whose sister’s stepson did die of suicide, but his name isn’t Shaun.” And she says, “Okay, well, that’s fine. Just don’t take the shoulda, coulda, wouldas. There’s nothing you can do to help those people.” Like, you couldn’t have prevented it, not, you know, there’s nothing you can do to help them in that sense. “But Shaun is still here and he’s pointing at a car. Did someone die in a car?” Okay, that’s a reasonable guess. Second most common cause of accidental death in the U.S.

ross

Yeah. Okay.

carrie

But the sitter says, “No.” She says, “Okay, okay. Then there was motive in this.” Okay. So we’re like, suicide? No, okay, car accident? No, okay, murder? Uh, so she says, “Did a young man die?” And I couldn’t really understand the sitter’s answer to that, and she said, “Okay, well Shaun’s coming through, and he says someone took everything from him except the clothes he had on.” And the sitter said, “Ah, that’s a little farfetched.”

ross

Woooow! Yeah!

carrie

Yeah! Ballsy!

ross

Yeah!

carrie

And Jill says, “Well, I don’t know, that’s what he shows me, and you know what? It’s almost like dignity. Did they strip him of his dignity?” And the husband of our sitter now kind of pipes up and he says, “No,” and like seems kind of pissed.

ross

Right, yeah, you’re mischaracterizing the situation.

carrie

Yeah, of people I like and respect. And she says, “Well, not from you, not stripped of his dignity because of you.” And the husband says, “Right, but they took great care of him, so no.”

ross

Yeah, wow.

carrie

[Groans awkwardly.] So Jill’s like, “Okay, well, you know, he just feels this way, and it must be something you didn’t really know about. It’s not a big deal, he’s not mad, but he’s not exactly happy, and [awkward stammering] do you know a Georgina?” They don’t know a Georgina.

ross

Awkward.

carrie

Oh my God, yeah, it was just so much of this and it was so uncomfortable, and yeah, it just devolved into her being like, “Is there a regret with the sister?” and the wife’s like, “Nope.” “I see a lot of medicine.” “Okay, yeah, she was taking medicine when she died. Yes, okay.”

ross

Oh, that’s a good one, I’m putting that on my list.

carrie

“Oh, I’m so sorry. Yeah, that must be her. There’s no way you could have reversed what happened to her.” It was just kind of heartbreaking to watch this one.

ross

Not a good way to end the show.

carrie

No. The next one was funny though. It was the girl dressed as Wednesday Addams. She asked about her past lives and Jill said, “You were Wednesday Addams.”

ross

And said that Wednesday—we’re calling her—should be in the mortician business, or something—

carrie

Ohh, okay, I think I missed this part.

ross

—something around death. Yeah.

carrie

Okay. Cool, cool.

ross

Okay, I’m writing this down in my text document. “I’m seeing a lot of medicines.” Okay. So I’m building up a good list of cold reading techniques. Maybe at a future live show we should live read our audience.

carrie

Yeah, totally. I literally have a hoarse throat from telling all these stories.

ross

Yeah, yeah. That was a wild ride.

carrie

This episode, we promise, is at least slightly shorter than the actual experience. We will make sure.

ross

Yeah, that’s right, because we were there for about two and a half hours.

carrie

Yeah, so if this is less than that, you’re welcome.

ross

Yeah, consider yourself lucky.

carrie

But you know what? We tell gags. We have fun along the way.

ross

We’re having a good time, we’re friends hanging out.

carrie

It’s about the journey.

ross

This is what happens. So, thank you for coming with us, and I guess that’s it for our show. I don’t know, I don’t think we really need to rate this. I think we’ve talked about it.

carrie

Yeah, you guys get it.

ross

And it feels fairly consistent, I would say, with ratings I would give to Cindy Kaza.

carrie

Yup. Same. And very similar to her show.

ross

Alright, well that is it for our show. Our theme music is by Brian Keith Dalton.

carrie

This episode was edited by Victor Figueroa.

ross

Our administrative manager is Ian Kramer.

carrie

You can support this and all our investigations by going to MaximumFun.org/donate. D-O-N-A-T-E.

ross

That is the best and most immediately helpful way to keep our investigations going, but you can also support us by putting a good word out to the universe, preferably a part of the universe where other people will see it or hear—

carrie

Carrie about it.

ross

Carrie’s like rocking out like she’s a flower child. And, uh, yeah like tell a friend, comment about how much you enjoy the show so other people can find us. Leave us a positive review.

carrie

Or just like, if you’re sitting in class or in a big lecture or something, just lock eyes with someone and try to send it to them telepathically. You should watch—you should listen to Oh No, Ross and Carrie! You should listen to Oh No, Ross and Carrie!

ross

Like everybody has spent at least a half an hour trying to reach out at objects to move them with their minds. Do that but with our show and just get it into their heads.

carrie

Yeah, exactly.

ross

If it’s successful, if one of you found the show because someone else was doing that to you—

carrie

Please write to us.

ross

Yeah. I wanna hear about it.

carrie

Yeah, for real. You can also find us on social media. You know, that thing ruining the world. We’re on Twitter @OhNoPodcast, and we’re at Facebook at Facebook.com/ONRAC. And remember—

ross

Something happened when you were younger with one of your knees. I see an injury. Is there a scar?

carrie

[Gasps.]

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About the show

Welcome to Oh No, Ross and Carrie!, the show where we don’t just report on fringe science, spirituality, and claims of the paranormal, but take part ourselves. Follow us as we join religions, undergo alternative treatments, seek out the paranormal, and always find the humor in life’s biggest mysteries. We show up – so you don’t have to. Every week we share a new investigation, interview, or update.

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