TRANSCRIPT Ross and Carrie Fall Into the Mystery Spot

Transcript

music
									
“Oh No, Ross and Carrie! Theme Song” by Brian Keith Dalton. A jaunty, upbeat instrumental.
carrie poppy
									
Hello, and welcome to Oh No, Ross and Carrie! The show where don’t just report on fringe science, spirituality, and claims of the paranormal, no way! We take part ourselves.
ross blocher
									
That’s right! When they make the claims, we show up so you don’t have to. I’m Ross Blocher.
carrie
									
And I’m Carrie Poppy, and today we bring you a live show from SF Sketchfest.
ross
									
Yeah! And usually we walk on stage and we actually introduce what our show is and what we do—
carrie
									
[Laughing] We were having a grand old time.
ross
									
There might be people there who have never seen us before. They’ve been dragged in by their friends.
carrie
									
But why bother?
ross
									
[Laughing] It’s just we were so at home with our friends in San Francisco, we jumped right in.
carrie
									
And then forgot to do this part! Live from San Francisco, California.
clip
									
Audience cheering and applauding.
carrie
									
Hi, San Francisco!
ross
									
Hi everybody! [The audience hollers in response.] Thanks for coming out on a stormy night.
carrie
									
Uh, yeah, thanks for coming to San Francisco Sketchfest. [Audience cheers again.]
ross
									
And thanks for having us, Cobb’s Comedy Club. [Audience claps.]
carrie
									
Yeah. Let’s just keep naming things so they have to keep clapping. Thank you, California! [Audience cheers with less enthusiasm.]
ross
									
Northern hemisphere! [More cheering, including Carrie.]
carrie
									
Antibiotics! [Audience cheers more enthusiastically.] I mean, we’re all here ‘cause of them. So you’re probably thinking, “What did they do once they came here to San Francisco? Did they do anything adventurous upon their arrival?” Who do you think you’re talking to? [There is a smattering of laughter from the audience.]
ross
									
Yeah, we’ve left some clues up here. Some of you may have figured this out already. But first we want to share with you a mystery that we discovered when we arrived here in San Francisco, because we were staying at a hotel that had the names of movies on the doorplates. So this is my door, if any of you want to harass me tonight. Freebie and the Bean. [Carrie repeats the title, incredulous.] Wait, who’s actually heard of this? Oh, wow.
carrie
									
Okay, okay, about six people, I think.
ross
									
Yeah, scattered hands. I had never heard of Freebie and the Bean.
carrie
									
Me neither. And there are these classics represented. The Maltese Falcon, Sister Act, and then Freebie and the Bean.
ross
									
Alright, so we’re gonna reveal some of these names and see like, how quickly it comes to you what the theme is. Alright, we have Being Human. Harold and Maude. [Carrie responds affirmatively and laughs.] Guess Who’s Coming To Dinner. Who gets it already? I hear a yes. [There is a distant murmuring of someone speaking from the audience. Carrie responds delightedly.] Unconventional parodies. Okay, okay.
carrie
									
Oh, interesting. Unconventional parody hotel.
ross
									
Let’s— [He breaks off and laughs, as does the audience.] Let’s reveal some more. American Graffiti.
carrie
									
A modest hand in row three. Yes?
speaker 1
									
I think they’re all filmed in the bay area, or they have something to do with the bay area.
ross
									
Ding ding ding! Oh, very quick!
carrie
									
Yup, bay area. And interesting you said “filmed in”, ‘cause that’s right. Not taking place in. Some of these were only filmed there.
ross
									
So Carrie mentioned The Maltese Falcon, Invasion of the Body Snatchers, Sister Act, The Jazz Singer. That one really threw us, ‘cause the story takes place in Los Angeles.
carrie
									
But was filmed here. Any other two people at a hotel wouldn’t go to every door— [Audience laughs.] —and see what movie, and then try to pull it all together, and then go to the hotel staff and be like, “What is it?”
ross
									
“Carrie, I’ll download photos while you go write the names of all the rooms in the entire hotel.”
carrie
									
And I did!
ross
									
We thought this would give it away. Here we have 48 Hours, Dirty Harry, and here we go, Bullet, The Rock, Birdman of Alcatraz, Star Trek 4. [The audience and Carrie laugh.] Yeah. If that didn’t give it away, then—
carrie
									
What was really great is—
ross
									
—I have no threat for that.
carrie
									
[Laughs] As I was walking around floors two and three, which are the first two floors, ‘cause floor one is just the lobby, floors two and three are very broken up by genre. It’s like, okay, this is like the buddy cop floor. And okay, this is the heist floor. By floor five they’re like, “Fuck it. I don’t know.” [Rumble of laughter from the audience.] Uh, Heart and Souls, but also— [Single, quiet cheer from the audience.] [Through laughter] Someone loves Heart and Souls over stage right! It was just all scattershot. They gave up.
ross
									
Well, thank you for participating. Well done. Very well done. I’m impressed. [Smattering of applause from the audience.] You got it faster than we did, that’s for sure. [Carrie and the audience laugh.] When we were coming up here, I’d had a dream for a long time to investigate something in my hometown. Something that I’d been familiar with for many years. The Mystery Spot. [The audience cheers.] Yeah. In Santa Cruz, California.
carrie
									
It’s appropriate that you had a dream for a long time and we went there on Martin Luther King Day. [Murmuring and some applause from the audience.] “I had a dream… for a long time.”
ross
									
And there, the comparisons end. [Carrie and the audience laugh.] So this is—we’re gonna have to narrate this, make sure we’re not relying on the visuals, ‘cause we make a podcast. But everyone here is seeing a lot of pictures. We will post them online, on Facebook, so find them there. But yeah, here’s the entrance to The Mystery Spot. It’s at 465 Mystery Spot Drive? Way?
carrie
									
I don’t know.
ross
									
Drive. I’m going with drive. It’s out in the middle of the Santa Cruz woods, which are beautiful. This is my favorite environment. We’re looking at redwoods and ferns and banana slugs. We’ll get to that.
carrie
									
So, Santa Cruz is where you grew up.
ross
									
Yeah. That’s right. I’m uh, west side Santa Cruz.
carrie
									
Ross is trying to make a “W” with his fingers. [Audience laughs.] Um, is anyone else from Santa Cruz? [A few people cheer.]
ross
									
Oh, hey! Alright.
carrie
									
Three polite people raising their hands.
ross
									
Nice. Okay, yeah. John Street, kind of on that side, near Natural Bridges. Yeah, that’s where I was born and raised.
carrie
									
Go visit.
ross
									
But you’d never—wait, had you been to the Mystery Spot?
carrie
									
No. So, I’ve been to Santa Cruz a number of times, ‘cause one of my best friends went to college there, but never to the Mystery Spot. He apparently thought it wasn’t worthy a visit.
ross
									
[Incredulous] Well!
carrie
									
I know!
ross
									
That’s just sad. They’ve built quite a presence there, and they are known for their bumper stickers. You’ve seen the bumper stickers. And still you’ll find them all over the country. It’s this bright yellow bumper sticker and in black it says “Mystery Spot” with a big O that looks like if a CD were completely opaque, but it still had that hole in the middle. It’s kind of that size of O. Right in the front, they have a car completely covered in the Mystery Spot bumper stickers.
carrie
									
I don’t think I’ve ever seen you as enthused about a graphic design as you were about this particular—
ross
									
I got my cup.
carrie
									
Yeah. Ross really, really likes this design, and talked about it for a long time.
ross
									
I was sad they didn’t have a shirt that was just yellow with the logo.
carrie
									
Yeah. Missed opportunity. Lots of shirts. Anyway, so you come up to this big old tree, and there’s signs pointing every which way. And they—they have made this into a whole event. There’s really only one thing to see. The mystery spot itself, small. The Mystery Spot event, big.
ross
									
Yeah, they’ve really smartly marketed this. They’ve had various media coverage over the years, so you can see the Life magazine with the tall man and the shorter woman leaning next to each other. This is from Ripley’s Believe It or Not, “The Mystery Spot in Santa Cruz, California has areas in which it is impossible to stand upright.”
carrie
									
Ooooh. Woah.
ross
									
I guess that checks out.
carrie
									
Yeah. Also accurate about any tilted space. [Audience laughs.]
ross
									
Of which there are many in San Francisco. Uh, we mentioned banana slugs. So there is a banana slug crossing sign. “Anatomy of a banana slug.” I was getting really excited about this sign. I told you, “Carrie, we’re gonna have to keep our eyes open. I’d love it if you could see a banana slug.” ‘Cause usually it takes some work to actually locate one.
carrie
									
Yeah. I was like, “Don’t get your hopes up. You never know.” But they’re really beautiful, they’re really, you know, hard to find anywhere else but here.
ross
									
Once we’re standing in the queue, Carrie says, “Oh look!”
carrie
									
“Is that a banana slug?” [Everyone laughs.] “Oh.”
ross
									
That was way too easy.
carrie
									
Secret between you and me, don’t tell Ross. The family next to me was like, “Look, there’s a banana slug.” I was like, “Hey, Ross. I’m very smart and interesting.”
ross
									
I’m so impressed that you found that banana slug.
carrie
									
Thank you, Ross.
ross
									
That was really cool. So, we bought our tickets in advance. I remember once trying to go in high school with a friend and we determined that it was too expensive to get in, but it’s an $8 ticket.
carrie
									
Aww. [Audience laughs.]
ross
									
So I guess—
carrie
									
Yeah. Life changes between high school and now.
ross
									
—that probably says more about my financial status at the time.
carrie
									
I mean, honestly, congrats.
ross
									
Yeah, hey! We’ve arrived, at the Mystery Spot. And $5 for parking. That’s how they getcha. [Both laugh.] I like that. [He makes a grunting sound that I’m assuming came from the audience.] So then here’s just the brochure showing kind of how they advertise this, and they talk about some of these various theories of what happened. Like flying saucer fans speculate the cones of metal unknown to us were brought here and buried in our Earth as guidance systems for their space craft.
carrie
									
It’s crazy. It’s perplexing. It’s nature’s magic! That’s why it’s called...
crosstalk
									
Both, in unison: The Mystery Spot!
ross
									
Yeah, so there is various theories, including that there’s nitrogen gas leaking up through the ground, or maybe it’s too much carbon dioxide, or whatever gas you want.
carrie
									
And then that disrupts your cognition and you can’t see straight.
ross
									
Wherever we’d read online, or the tour guide would tell us, you know, there’d be all these different theories. So, you know, maybe there’s these giant deposits of metal underground, or maybe pools of magma that are fighting against each other—
carrie
									
Swirling in opposite directions!
ross
									
That creates a vortex. And it just reminds me that sometimes you have a theory in want of a phenomenon. But, you know, we’ll get to that. First you have to establish something is really happening, then you come up with the wild explanations.
carrie
									
Certainly it’s not just a slanted house. [Audience laughs.] Okay, so here’s our intro signs. So as you walk in, there’s—this is big.
ross
									
Yeah. Big signs.
carrie
									
What—how tall do you think that thing is?
ross
									
Uh, probably about—
crosstalk
									
Carrie: Five feet? Ross: —four feet.
carrie
									
Alright. Four and a half feet. Yeah, it’s really tall, and it seems that it was placed by the original owner.
ross
									
And it could have used some copy editing.
carrie
									
That’s true. [Laughter from the audience.]
ross
									
You know, big sign, small font, and it’s this very verbose description of how originally, George Prather, the guy who bought this land—so the story is uh, there was a lumber company that owned all this land, and this guy came along and he wanted to buy just a little parcel of flat land—
carrie
									
Across the street.
ross
									
—so he could build a house. And they said, “Alright, we’ll sell it to you, but you have to buy this whole hill.”
carrie
									
“‘Cause that’s gonna be hard for us to sell, ‘cause it’s hard to build on.”
ross
									
And that kind of thing happens. So he said alright. He purchased it in 1939 and then he brought some surveyors, they started to walk up, immediately they found that the compasses were pointing in the wrong direction.
carrie
									
[With feigned enthusiasm] What?
ross
									
What’s going on? So someone told him, “Oh, maybe it’s some barbed wire, or some metal underground.” But then he said, “Oh, we looked for that. That couldn’t have been it.”
carrie
									
“And then we walked up the hill and we were lightheaded and we could hardly see straight, and we looked at our compasses again! And they still pointed what we’re pretty sure is the wrong direction.” And then he actually says, “We didn’t have another compass to compare it to.” [Laughter from the audience.] “But we feel confident.”
ross
									
Yeah, and then they felt very tired, and all of this is still less text than was on that sign.
carrie
									
Oh yeah, yeah. They also make a big deal of how it’s a mystery how when they walked up this super steep hill, they were so tired! [Laughter from the audience.] How does that happen?
ross
									
Weird! As we arrived there, they told us about this compass thing, and they said, “Oh yeah, it’ll point the wrong direction. It’ll say that’s north,” and he pointed off towards north. So I brought my phone out. Sure enough, there’s a compass in these modern phones, and it pointed in that direction. That’s north. Oh my goodness. But later on I looked on Google Maps and I checked and, that was north. So it was— [Laughter from the audience.] It was right, but nice one, that’s pretty clever.
carrie
									
Yeah. A compass pointing the wrong way, you have to first fight out that you know what the right way is.
ross
									
This might be the most mysterious thing, is that there was no cell phone coverage there, so. [Carrie makes spooky noises.] Yeah, something’s going on. Something. We had, uh, 11:48 was our arrival time. Got there right beforehand. So then you wait in this queue area for your tour guide, and we had Lily!
carrie
									
Lily is so great. If you go to Mystery Spot, wait for Lily’s tour.
ross
									
Ask for Lily. Say, “I won’t take any less.” She would be an excellent jungle crew skipper. [Laughter from the audience.] I don’t know when this became part of the Mystery Spot tour, but it’s filled with bad puns and—
carrie
									
Dad jokes.
ross
									
Crowd work. And yeah, it’s hilarious.
carrie
									
And she has a skill that’s so important in a tour guide, which is she will give you the exact same amount of energy whether you are giving her energy back or not! You could be so bored, and she doesn’t care. She’s talking to you just like you were so excited! [Laughter from the audience.] That’s hard.
ross
									
We tried to reciprocate.
carrie
									
Oh, for sure. Well, yeah, we’re not giving her stony looks.
ross
									
There were a group of kids there as well, so yeah. She got some audience participation. But every now and then it would be that, “I can’t hear you!” or uh, “Aw, come on, this is more mysterious than that!” “How excited are you?” She would make little self-deprecating jokes about how she couldn’t get a better job and how her boss was gonna demote her if we didn’t give her a positive review. [Laughter from the audience.]
carrie
									
Yeah. But always with a smile.
ross
									
And uh, so as you’re waiting in this queue area, they tell you about kind of the nature of this area. That there’s a 150 foot radius around the center of this mystery spot, and she says, “So, it forms a—what do we call it? Mystery—” and we all say, “Spot!” She says, “Mystery circle. Pay attention.” [Laughter from the audience.] Very good.
carrie
									
Fun. She’s having fun.
ross
									
So we were right on the edge as we begin, as we form our queue, we’re right on the edge of that 150 foot thing. So she says, “Outside of that, everything is normal. But as soon as you step inside, things get weird.” So uh, everybody’s looking at Lily. She’s wearing kind of a park ranger type drab green outfit with a badge. She’s got a cement structure there that’s supposed to be perfectly level, ‘cause she said the other cement was originally built level but it sort of drifted over the years. But then she demonstrated to us on this tablet that they were even with each other, and she put down, of course, a level. That’s gonna be very important, right? And so they’re not shy about this, and I brought my own level. [Laughter from the audience.] Like you do.
carrie
									
Yes, he did.
ross
									
And at first she congratulated me on my enthusiasm, but then she said, “I know, we’ve always got skeptics. I see you, sir.”
carrie
									
“I see you, sir.” [Laughter from the audience.]
ross
									
But she demonstrated, had some kids come up and verify, told us about, you know, the bubble in the middle. Oh yeah, that was one of the jokes. I said spirit level, ‘cause sometimes people will want to specify spirit level, bubble level.
carrie
									
And she said that’s the British name?
ross
									
Is that a thing? Is that what they say in Britain? I think it was just a transition to her next line, which was, “We know this one is American because it says ‘made in China.’” [Laughter from the audience.] Then she shot a hippo. Then after the brief introduction, they let you up the hill. So as you can see, it is a steep climb, and here's looking back down the hill. But they tell you, “It is two times harder than a similar hill anywhere else.”
carrie
									
[With feigned exuberance] Woah. I’m impressed. Are you not impressed?
ross
									
How do you test that? But as you’re winded as you get to the top, you don’t feel so bad. Like, “Huh, well.”
carrie
									
It’s hard, ‘cause it’s steep.
ross
									
“This one’s extra hard.”
carrie
									
And then—yeah, she said that the end of it is much easier. She said when you’re going up—
ross
									
Oh, there’s a gradation of difficulty.
carrie
									
Right. When you’re going up and it’s very, very steep, that’s harder, but as you near the top and it kind of evens out, that’s easier. Isn’t that mysterious? [Laughter from the audience.] And even the little kids in front of me were like, “What? No.”
ross
									
She had us, uh, you know, yell to all the people below, so they saw that we were having a good time. Again, she has to show that her tour is better than the next one.
carrie
									
[Laughs] So you can see me in that photo. Really important. That’s the back of my head, behind all the children.
ross
									
There’s Carrie, also wearing a drab green.
carrie
									
True. Trying to blend in.
ross
									
Alright so now we’re up at the main attraction, and you know, when you break it down, really, the Mystery Spot is this one building. So, just so you know.
carrie
									
It’s a little tiny cabin that is kind of tilted. It fell down a hill, and—but that's not enough. We need to build a whole lore around it. We can’t just say, “Come see the tilted house.”
ross
									
So we’re standing outside the house right now and we’re kind of on an uphill portion of a slope going down toward this house, and everything is cattywampus at this point. So, I’m trying to hold the camera to what feels level to me, but the house already feels kind of tilting. But from here on out, up is down, left is right. Very confusing. Um, so another shot of that. There we go, that’s me looking at my feet. So this is an area where if you kind of stand facing downhill, you’ll be naturally leaning backward. And then if you turn around and you face uphill, you’re leaning forward.
carrie
									
‘Cause your brain doesn’t want you to fall over. So then if you’re looking downhill, your feet are going to be more in front of you than you’re used to. If you’re looking uphill, they’re going to be more behind you than you’re used to. We’ll make a big deal of this.
ross
									
So Lily then—Lily wants to demonstrate the flatness of this board. They’ve set up this little kind of perch that they can put a board out and it looks like its completely leaning upward. They wanted somebody smart—
carrie
									
They said, “Let’s pick the person who looks the smartest.” [Laughter from the audience.] And I was wearing glasses. And so I was selected. [Clears throat] No big deal. I have myopia. And, uh—
ross
									
This went to your head. [Carrie and the audience laugh.]
carrie
									
And so I went up and looked at it, and I was like, “That’s level.” She was like, “Wow!” [Laughter from the audience.] Clapped for me.
ross
									
That’s almost insulting. So, here would be a little bit of a demonstration. She did a couple things. She had a ball that she put up there. You know, she kind of pushed it back so we would see it go uphill and fall off the end, but it accidentally fell off the other end. “Oops! Oops. Wait, I pushed too hard.” So she tried that again and it worked the way it was supposed to.
carrie
									
So it looks like the ball would either stay still or roll the other way, but instead it rolls toward you.
ross
									
And now you can see a demonstration of water.
carrie
									
So, toward us feels like uphill. [Sound of video playing in the background, water dripping while a distant voice explains the demonstration.] What? The water came out uphill? You’re not impressed?
ross
									
That’s it for—oh.
carrie
									
I was impressed. I was there.
ross
									
I was gonna say, we proved it. [Sound of tour guide cheering from the video feed. The audience laughs.] There’s that enthusiasm. And then she—
carrie
									
Is that Lily? Lily, is that you?
ross
									
You here? Oh, we should have invited her!
carrie
									
We should have! Oh yeah.
ross
									
And then she showed us the backside of water. [There are smatterings of laughter and applause from the audience.] Thank you, thank you.
carrie
									
Jungle Cruise fans in the audience.
ross
									
Alright, then we get inside the house!
carrie
									
Inside! And this is really cool. Like, it’s tilted—
ross
									
Legit cool.
carrie
									
—a bunch. So you walk into this house and, as you can see, just to keep your center of gravity you end up tilting quite a lot. But you don’t feel like you’re tilting that much, right? Your brain’s doing it for you. So, you know, you look back at these pictures of yourself and you look like you’re like, half falling over. But it doesn’t feel that way. It’s wild.
ross
									
From the outside as you’re approaching it, it looks like it’s all tilted to the left, or uh, counter-clockwise. So we’re looking back the other direction, and yeah, there’s a table inside and if you try to stand upright on the table, you just find yourself leaning out into the room. And all your visual cues are just saying, “Oh, you’re supposed to fall over!” but really you’re just balancing. So here we are.
carrie
									
So, okay, so we said, okay, I’m usually taller than Ross by a good three inches. So okay, let’s switch places so that I look shorter, Ross looks taller. Now, you might be thinking, “But Carrie, you’re squatting a bunch.” But I’m not! My leg was actually completely straight on the right hand side there. It just looks like I’m also squatting.
ross
									
So we’re both leaning about ten to fifteen degrees counter-clockwise in the photo. But yeah, Carrie’s got a balancing foot out to stabilize herself, but she doesn’t feel that she’s doing that.
carrie
									
Yeah. It’s wild.
ross
									
So there’s a grip above the doorframe. You can grab onto that, and just holding yourself up straight, your body’s tilted way to the side.
carrie
									
He’s not using his core! That’s just happening! [Laughter from the audience.]
ross
									
Just hanging on for dear life. And again, here’s a demonstration of just kind of standing on this table and then leaning out over the void. Normally this is right before things crash and your mom comes yelling at you.
carrie
									
But you’re not even leaning, or intentionally leaning.
ross
									
No. Yeah, I feel very stable there. There’s two compartments within this room, so you pass through the threshold after you’ve hoisted yourself up on these bars, and now you’re in the second part of the room and they’ve got different ways to demonstrate this effect. So one thing they have you do is do pushups, and they’re very easy because you’re on an incline.
carrie
									
So all your weight’s at your feet. But that’s not how it was explained. [Laughter from the audience.]
ross
									
Right, yes. We’re editorializing a little bit. So here’s Carrie doing some pushups, like a boss.
carrie
									
Real easy. What can I say?
ross
									
Then they have this big pendulum. What did she say it was made out of? Lead and something?
carrie
									
Lead alloy.
ross
									
Okay. Then she would demonstrate how, you know, when you pull it back and let it go it does all these counterintuitive things. So I thought I would show the kids, “Hey, look what you can do with a pendulum!” So I’m holding the pendulum up next to my face and then letting go and not moving.
clip
									
[Overlapping voices are heard from a video clip.] Speaker 1: What’s your name? Speaker 2: John. Speaker 1: John. Put one hand on the silver thing. Put one hand—
ross
									
Touching my nose. Swings away, it comes back. Is it gonna hit me in the nose? No. ‘Cause of—
clip
									
Ross: [From the video feed] Physics.
ross
									
Physics. [Laughter from the audience.]
carrie
									
This entered my nightmare last night.
ross
									
Tell me more.
carrie
									
Yeah. This is neither here nor there, but I slept 16 hours last night. I hadn’t slept a lot. I’ve been sick. It was a party. But during this REM relapse, I had a bunch of nightmares, and one was that Ross showed this to a child and then she did it and just bashed her face. [Ross and Carrie laugh along with the audience.]
ross
									
[Through laughter] “I swear, physics worked every time before this!” Alright, here we get to one of the, I would say, most alarming demonstrations. Like, really effective visuals. So as you walk out the back of the house, there’s, you know, the back porch, if you will, and there’s one board that’s been set at what they say is level. And they call people up, and specifically they look for who in the audience is six feet tall? We had a lot of really tall guys in our group, sp they all were competing for tallest, and they started filling in the ranks. So I’m on the short side, my 5’5 over there. And so we’re lining up, and already, you know, the way I’m holding the camera feels kind of level, and it’s already looking like we’re the same height. So this is looking at that board from Carrie’s perspective. She’s in the audience at an angle.
carrie
									
So we’ve got the tallest person closest person to me, and the shortest person furthest away.
clip
									
[A video clip plays in the background with overlapping, indistinct voices.]
ross
									
So she’s gonna have us all kind of compare, have everyone observe. Just remember how people look. Carrie gets a new vantage point. And then she’s gonna have us all swap places, so the shortest is where the tallest is. The first shall be last and the last shall be first.
clip
									
Speaker 1: Alright, so guys, can you do me a favor? Look at me. Can I have my tallest and shortest swap places.
carrie
									
Okay, they’re swapping.
clip
									
Speaker 1: My next shortest and tallest, also swap places.
carrie
									
Tallest and shortest are swapping. Wait a minute. Something’s happening.
ross
									
All of a sudden, we’ve kind of equalized.
carrie
									
Woah. So now the shortest person is not quite the tallest, but a lot taller.
ross
									
Yeah. Very effective illustration. So there’s a few things to unpack there. [Laughter from the audience.]
carrie
									
That they don’t expect you to unpack there.
ross
									
So I do place my level, and I see this board is not completely level. So that’s kind of—
carrie
									
That’s one thing.
ross
									
Yeah, that’s helping.
carrie
									
There would be a number of times that she kind of excused that, too. She’d say, “Oh yeah, we’re gonna put down the level and look, it’s like, close to level. Well, this spot right here, it kind of dents in, so.”
ross
									
“Yeah, here, move it right over here. See, that’s level, yup. You get it.” [Laughter from the audience.] There’s this other perceptual trick. So she picked one of the audience members and said, “Okay, well stand on the far end of the board, away from the fence, and look toward the fence, and tell me to raise this level up or down until it looks like its at eye level with you.” So we’re fully, at this point, engaging our perceptual systems and how we’re leaning to counteract the slope of the hill.
carrie
									
Yeah, so a lot of things are effecting this person’s perception of what her eye line is, right? There's the environment around her, there’s the fact that her feet are doing shit that her brain’s telling her to do that she doesn’t know about. So her idea of where her eyeline is is anybody’s guess.
ross
									
So she picks that intuitive eye line, and then walks over, and sure enough it’s now a full head above her own head. Very effective. It’s super cool. Is it aliens? [Laughter from the audience.]
carrie
									
Probably!
ross
									
And also everybody observing is on this very steep slope. So here you can see the level next to Carrie and that’s holding the camera upright. So everything’s thrown off. This is from 2007, actually, last day of 2007. That was the last time I’d been to the Mystery Spot, and we have, uh, my friend Charles in the foreground. He’s the tall guy in this group. And so you can see everybody lined up from tall to short, and I’ve fixed the angle so that the board in both photos is precisely aligned. And if you overlay them, kind of 50% one over the other, now you can see that when you have, on either side of the board, the tallest person standing next to the shortest person, his chin is just aligned at the top of her head. So it really does stay consistent, but boy is it effective, because you also have that perspective of things getting smaller as they get farther away. I know, flat Earthers, stay with me. [Laughter from the audience.] That’s also helping this illusion. So that when it’s, you know, tall close to you to short, it’s really exaggerated, and then when it’s the opposite way with the tallest at the far end, now they feel equalized.
carrie
									
Um, I won’t pick on you if so, but just out of curiosity, is anyone in the audience a flat Earther? Just raise your hand politely. We’ll all be friends with you. [The audience is silent other than a few people chuckling.] Oh. Nope. Okay. Just curious.
ross
									
Then we get to another demonstration, very much similar things to what we’ve seen. But there’s this T formation that’s been made out of cement, and you can stand on that, and they bring the kids up and she—Lily has them make animal noises. It’s very fun. And that kid was not playing along.
carrie
									
[Laughing] No, he wasn’t. Yeah, she’s like, “I—if you see them—” What was it, “See them being level”? [Ross responds affirmatively.] “Make a noise like—” [She caws like a bird.] And this little boy is like, “I’m not taking your fucking patronizing attitude.” [Laughter from the audience.]
ross
									
“Mom, dad, take a video as he makes—you can make any animal noise! Okay, take a video, make a noise!”
carrie
									
He’s like, [Sighing] “Ugh.”
ross
									
She’s like, “Oh, you’re making the sound of a banana slug!” [Laughter from the audience.]
carrie
									
That kid’s thinking, “I can’t wait to be an adult.”
ross
									
She’s seen this before. And he was embarrassed too, clearly. We were all judging him. [Laughter from the audience.] Uh, so here you see Carrie and I standing, and Lily took these photos of us. You can see us on either end of this T, and this is where I put the level down. She said, “Okay, you want to move it right here. There we go, perfect. Yeah. See? It’s level.” [Carrie and the audience laugh.] We felt this wasn’t so drastic a difference anyway that it really needed an overlayer explanation.
carrie
									
But it evens out our height a little bit. My, what won’t tilt do?
ross
									
And they give you, at the end—
carrie
									
[Through laughter] Stickers.
ross
									
—the iconic bumper stickers. And so we asked her at the end, you know, you tip your tour guide and you ask them, “Hey, can I get like four of them?” And she said, “Here,” and she just emptied her hand into mine.
carrie
									
She gave us twenty-five. [Some audience members cheer loudly.]
ross
									
Guess what we brought tonight? [More cheers and applause from the audience.]
carrie
									
Guess what we signed and defaced? [Audience laughs.] Yeah, I think we were the only people to tip her. I think that’s how you secretly get 25 stickers.
ross
									
Oh, there was somebody else who tipped her.
carrie
									
Oh, did they? Okay.
ross
									
He just—he didn’t know what a gold mine he had. [Carrie and the audience laugh.] Okay, so of course you exit through the gift shop. I feel like uh, well they’ve done a really good job of kind of marketing this and creating this mystique and just this fun atmosphere of mystery around this spot. It reminds me of Loch Ness or the uh—
carrie
									
Stonehenge?
ross
									
Yeah, or various Bigfoot sites. You know, like there’s—Roswell, New Mexico is all about this. You know, marketing this kind of fringe idea or theory—
carrie
									
Stonehenge?
ross
									
Yeah. Stonehenge.
carrie
									
Okay. I don’t know, I—
ross
									
Were you waiting for me to agree or shoot it down?
carrie
									
Yeah yeah yeah. Is it—is Stonehenge like, too good? [Laughter from the audience.]
ross
									
I don’t know that—I would love if, right, if you took any of those iconic shots of Stonehenge and you just tilt slightly to the right, there’s a little gift shack. [Carrie and the audience laugh.] I don’t know if they’ve done that.
carrie
									
They should!
ross
									
That might be disrespectful.
carrie
									
The Stonehenge hut.
ross
									
Alright. Anyways, so yeah, there’s a little cottage industry, and I think this is where they make bigger bucks.
carrie
									
Oh, this is a cottage industry, am I right? [Mixed response from the audience, with some claps and some groaning.] Yeah, thank you. ‘Cause, see, okay I’ll break it down. There’s a cottage, and it’s tilted, and that’s the whole thing. Then cottage industry is a term that you use to describe when you build like, an entire economy around what’s really a small idea. And so, in this case, it’s kind of uh—well, see, okay. In the American vernacular, we call it a pun. It’s like a play on words. Uh, I guess that takes some unpacking. So it comes from the term “play on.” Play on words. You’re playing on the words.
ross
									
Wait, does it really? [Carrie responds affirmatively.] That’s so cool! I didn’t know that!
carrie
									
I cannot believe we got to a moment of learning in that. [Laughter from the audience.]
ross
									
Alright. Well, that’s a good time to stop. [Ross and Carrie laugh uproariously.] So of course we bought some stuff. Uh, you got this.
carrie
									
Oh yeah. So we’ve got what I assume is Einstein, though he’s labeled as “famous scientist.” [Laughter from the audience.]
ross
									
Yeah, is he copyrighted? Will they get sued for infringement if they use the word Einstein?
carrie
									
Famous scientist gets very angry.
crosstalk
									
Ross: Yeah? Yes? Audience member: Dreamhack uses Einstein at [inaudible]. Ross: Oh, really? Carrie: Woah! Okay! Ross: Wait, Dreamhack? Audience member: Sorry, uh, Salesforce. Ross: Salesforce. Okay.
carrie
									
Okay, person in third row says a company used Einstein’s likeness and had to pay his heirs.
ross
									
What about like, baby Einstein? They have to shell out as well?
carrie
									
Good question.
ross
									
You’re my Einstein on Einstein. Boy, that’s really cool. Okay. So there we go, generic scientist with crazy hair and—you know, it’s almost as much Mark Twain as it is Einstein. [Carrie agrees and the audience laughs.]
carrie
									
Totally. So it says, “Famous scientist gets very angry.” He’s walking out of the Mystery Spot with a full pad of paper, completely consterned, and saying, “This place has broken the laws of physics!”
ross
									
Uh, and of course this lovely mug. Had to get that. Oh yeah, this book! Gravitational Mystery Spots of the United States. Carrie found this. It’s by Douglas B. Vogt. V-O-G-T.
carrie
									
Voyt? Vote? Vote. Just drop that G. [Voice from the audience confirms.]
ross
									
Oh, okay. “Vote”. Remember to vote. Uh, author of the theory of multidimensional reality. [Carrie says “ooh” enthusiastically and the audience follows suit.] I did mean to read this before this show, and that didn’t happen, but he talks about various mystery spots throughout the U.S. and throughout the world. There’s a famous one in Oregon. There’s an Oregon Vortex. There’s—
carrie
									
Sedona.
ross
									
Yes! Oh yeah, definitely they’re playing on that phenomena. Uh, in West Virginia, there’s the Mystery Hole. And one time Sawbones, we did a show swap, we talked about near death experiences on their show and they talked about the Mystery Hole on ours! It was super fun. There’s a lot of gravity hills. We have one in um, like Santa Clarita area, near us, that I’ve been to. There’s one in Montana. I’ve got a fun little story about this. So, we’ve talked often about the IIG, the Independent Investigations Group. It’s now dependent on CFI, so it’s CFIIG. And we had an applicant. So, we offer uh, now it’s uh, $250,000 prize for anyone who can demonstrate a claim of the paranormal. So we get some really interesting applications. And one gentleman was named Nick Nelson, who’s from Montana, and he operated this place called the Golden Vortex. And he sent us these photos where he would be shorter in one image and taller in the other, and he’d draw lines between them. But then you’d look and his feet were completely in different placements. The camera had moved. Like, get a tripod, buddy. [Carrie and the audience laugh.] And we thought, “Okay, what’s going on with this?” And he said, “No no, I can actually bend space and time with my vortex skills. I don’t even need you to come out to Montana. I can come out to     Southern California and I can create a vortex and shrink space.”
carrie
									
So he could make matter shrink toward him.
ross
									
Right. And so the IIG came up with a protocol. I’m pretty sure our buddy Spencer came up with this brilliant idea to have two poles set up at, you know, maybe six feet apart from each other.
carrie
									
And equal height.
ross
									
And equal height. And then there would be sort of a rail linking the two of them, so you have this kind of square shape. And so that should be fully level, and you can put a level on it and see the bubble. You know, we use those too. And then if you put a ball bearing, it will balance right in the middle. But, if Nick can stand on one end of it and shrink space around himself, then the ball bearing should start—
carrie
									
Come toward Nick.
ross
									
Yeah. Great, simple procedure. So—
carrie
									
Yeah. And that man has $250,000 now. [Laughter from the audience.]
ross
									
As we always do, we have him arrive, confirm that everything is working fine. “You feeling vortex-y today?” You know, is there anything wrong with the environment, does this feel like a fair test? Yes, yes, yes. The ball bearing fails to move, and as often happens the day of, he says, “Oh, I’m just not sure what happened. But no, this was a fair test, and I can’t explain why.” But on the way back to Montana, he wrote us—
carrie
									
“I thought about it some more.”
ross
									
—he wrote us an email, and he’d figured out what had happened. Turns out we were all powerful mages— [Raucous laughter from the audience.] —who had counteracted his magic, and that’s why his vortex did not work.
carrie
									
And now Ross has $250,000.
ross
									
Let me fill you in on the basic theory here of these multidimensions from gravitational mystery spots.
carrie
									
Yeah, what makes all these things similar?
ross
									
Let me boil it down to two points for you, Carrie. One, everything in the universe is made up of information that exists in another time-space relationship that acts like a computer. Capisce?
carrie
									
Oh, boy. There’s a lot there. Okay.
ross
									
Let give you the second point. This will bring it home.
carrie
									
Information that exists in another… universe?
ross
									
Number two!
carrie
									
Okay. [The audience laughs.]
ross
									
The operating system and the one who created the information is God, and as long as he thinks the universe, it exists. [Carrie laughs.] And then, you know, he has other ways of kind of unpacking this. He talks about all these multiple dimensions that are interacting with one another.
carrie
									
That sounds like a fancy way of just saying the universe exists in God’s mind and whatever properties he gives to it, that’s what they are.
ross
									
Yeah. Right. So it’s, yeah, a simulator, and he’s driving the rules of the simulation. I’ll unpack at least the four dimensions here. The first dimension is the storage dimension.
carrie
									
Okay. I have one of those, it’s about $200 a month. [Audience laughs.]
ross
									
He talks about the Diehold. I skipped past that. That’s—the information is stored in a computer-like structure, which I call the Diehold.
carrie
									
Okay. You can call it whatever you want, sir.
ross
									
In parenthesis, (The Diehold was a created name because there was no word that expressed this kind of concept.) [Carrie and the audience laugh.]
carrie
									
Touché. I can buy that.
ross
									
Okay, the second dimension is the transmission dimension.
carrie
									
Okay. That fell out of my car one time. [Ross and the audience laugh.]
ross
									
Time still has no relevance because a transmission is instantaneous. Alright? The third dimension—
carrie
									
Okay. Who’s reading this and is like, “Yep, yep, yep, got it, mm-hm, mm-hm, step four?”
ross
									
The third dimension is the world of inanimate matter from atoms to mountains. Okay. [Carrie responds affirmatively.] You know, actually, yeah, I’m with you on this one.
carrie
									
Let’s just make that the first one, but okay.
ross
									
And the fourth dimension. We’re used to people saying, “Well that’s time, that’s duration.” Well, the fourth dimension here is the world of living things. A soul is married to a physical body, so here we have our Cartesian dualism. [Carrie responds affirmatively.] Uh, everything from one-celled animals to humans, the primary qualities that these life forms must physically touch matter to manipulate it. So there we go we have our framework to explain the Mystery Spot—
carrie
									
Now you get it!
ross
									
—which is a key chapter of this book, with diagrams and photos, it’s great. I can’t wait to read all of it.
carrie
									
So, yeah, so it seems like they needed a lot more explanation. I felt like we don’t need this explained. It’s a tilted house. But no, we heard a lot of reasons why this was happening.
ross
									
Let’s make sure there’s a phenomenon first, before we explain it. But this was interesting. We didn’t mention this. Our tour guide, when we were up and establishing that Carrie is the smartest among us, she was asking, “Okay, why, everybody, do you think that the house originally was built up the hill and it slid, why do you think it stopped right here?”
carrie
									
“Well, it’s next to a very big tree.” And she said, “Let’s all clap for her! ‘Cause that’s wrong!” [Audience laughs and someone guffaws.] Yeah, she truly had it out for me!
ross
									
She set you up and then pulled the rug right out from under you. That was rude. Turns out—
carrie
									
So she said, “Those trees are younger than the house,” which may be true, okay. So I’m thinking, “Okay, so it slid and it’s like, lost steam and stopped there?” I don’t know, I don’t need an explanation for this.
ross
									
But we have one!
carrie
									
But we have one. So, what happened is, that’s the center of the Mystery Spot, and there are forces pushing every which way! There’s a force pushing the house up the hill, there’s a force pushing the house down the hill, left, right, and it doesn’t know where to go! So it just stays there.
ross
									
Very well explained. But then, how do you reckon the back of Gravitational Mystery Spots, which states very clearly, “Find out why it takes greater force to push a weight towards the center than away.”
carrie
									
Wait a minute. So that’s saying everything should be moving away from the center. [Ross responds affirmatively.] This was sold in their gift shop.
ross
									
Yeah. That says that the house should be inelectively drifting away from the center.
carrie
									
Like, exploding! Like, exploding and going in all directions. [Both hum thoughtfully.] Yeah. That’s not happening.
ross
									
This is a mystery. [Carrie responds affirmatively and the audience laughs.]
speaker 1
									
[Shouting from the audience] Circles!
ross
									
[Laughs] Thank you! Yeah, that’s right. Mystery Circle. Alright so, you can also, uh, flatten pennies. [Carrie responds affirmatively.] And you can get tattoos.
carrie
									
Yeah. I wanted a tattoo. I had fifty cents and they were seventy-five cents. [Sympathetic ‘aw’s from the crowd.] I know!
ross
									
But— [Audience responds emphatically.] —here’s the real disappointment.
carrie
									
If you’re not gonna have a hot drink, you don’t have to make a big fucking deal about how you have cold drinks. Jesus Christ.
ross
									
Yeah. Cold drinks, front and center. That’s just, that’s rude.
carrie
									
Ugh. Ugh. I was—I was totally a believer until that moment, and then I was like, mm-mm.
carrie
									
Whew! Ross.
ross
									
Hey, Carrie.
carrie
									
Hey. While we are, in our minds, in San Francisco, I just want to remember what a good bra I was wearing during the show.
ross
									
Oh, were you?
carrie
									
Yeah, actually I’m still—I’m wearing it right now, too.
ross
									
Hey, okay. Tell me about this bra. Where’d you get it?
carrie
									
You got it. It is a Third Love bra, from the web merchant— [Ross laughs.] —Third Love.
ross
									
This is good stuff.
carrie
									
Oh yeah. Here’s the deal. Everybody’s got different boobs, right? You got different size, you got different shapes, you got hand feel. [Both laugh.] And you want a bra that works for you. Maybe you have those sloped shoulders I’ve got. The band’s always falling down. Well, Third Love’s got you covered. You go to their website, you talk about your own boobs—
ross
									
Yeah, it only takes like, what? Sixty seconds, right?
carrie
									
—in this little quizola. Yeah. And uh, and they’re like, “Oh, Carrie, we get it. We get what your boobs are all about. Here’s the bra you need.” You pick out a style you like, you pick out a color you like, you pay money for it. You knew that was coming. And then it comes to you, and you put it on the boobs!
ross
									
They’ve also got tagless labels, lightweight memory foam cups, all the features.
carrie
									
All the features. And every customer has two months to wear it, wash it, put it to the test, and if you don’t like it, then whatever! Just return it, and Third Love will wash it and donate it to someone in need.
ross
									
I love that. What a great policy. Third Love knows there’s a perfect bra for everyone, so right now they’re offering our listeners 15% off their first orders.
carrie
									
Hey! So go to ThirdLove.com/ohno right now to find your perfect fitting bra, and get 15% off your first purchase.
ross
									
That’s ThirdLove.com/ohno for 15% today.
carrie
									
But wait, that’s not all!
ross
									
Oh, you got more?
carrie
									
I have more to say while I’ve got you here, Ross, because I have a secret. I actually mentioned Third Love, I mean in part because I love them, I love their bras, but also because they support our show! But they’re not the only ones who support our show.
ross
									
Ooh, I think I know who does that. Squarespace?
carrie
									
Oh, you got it! Pop quiz completed by the Blochtown.
ross
									
And if you haven’t already associated in your minds Squarespace with website design, well, that’s what it does. Squarespace is a site for creating other sites. So you go there, you sign up, you get access to templates created by world class designers. [Carrie responds emphatically with “woah!”] You can create a whole site. You can put it together without even making a purchase yet. You make sure, first of all, you like this thing. You get to kick the tires. Then you pull the trigger, then you sign up, then you use our offer code.
carrie
									
Phew! That’s a good system. And I don’t know what you do for a living. Maybe you’re—
ross
									
I think I’ve told you what I do for a living.
carrie
									
[Laughing] Maybe you’re a make-up artist! I don’t know, I’ve never see you before! [Ross laughs.] Maybe you’re a nutritionist! Got me! Maybe you’re a wellness coach, or—probably not that, if you’re listening to this show, but maybe! Who knows? Maybe you’re a record label exec. I have no idea what you do, Ross Blocher, but whatever it is, you can make a website for your business. Or maybe you just want to do it for yourself! Maybe you’re a writer. Maybe you’re an ameteur photog. I don’t know.
ross
									
You know, I could be all of those things, and I could create a website about them with powerful e-commerce functionality, a new way to buy domains, and choose from over 200 extensions.
carrie
									
Woah. .org?
ross
									
That’s one of them. And 24/7 award-winning customer support.
carrie
									
So check out Squarespace.com/ohno for a free trial, and when you’re ready to launch, use our offer code. It’s OHNO to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain. And remember! Boobs are round, the internet is square.
ross
									
So, we’d had our fun at the Mystery Spot. We’d—we’d bought lots of loot, and we carried it back to the car, and then we went over to visit, uh, my dad and stepmom. [The audience ‘aww’s.] Paul and Diane Blocher, everybody.
carrie
									
So I took this picture, you know, so like, “Oh, let’s get a picture of you and your family.” But what I really wanted a picture of was the fact that they wear the same outfit as each other every single day. [Applause and laughter from the audience.]
ross
									
That’s right. At church, she wears a dress, he wears a suit. Everywhere else, yes, they have matching shirts, for all shirts. So—
carrie
									
Every day. [Audience ‘aww’s again.] So if you wondered how Ross got this wholesome, this is how.
ross
									
So for, yeah, well over twenty years—near on thirty years, they’ve been wearing the same shirts. So when you buy one for one parent, you gotta buy one for the other. So Carrie had never met them before, and they were excited to meet you. And you were sick, and bedraggled, but—
carrie
									
Yeah. They were great! [Ross affirms emphatically.] They were really sweet!
ross
									
They showed us around the house, and we got to show off—okay, so—so what you’re not seeing, for anybody who’s not here, is me sitting at Old Groaner, and, uh—I’m very proud of this, and I’m proud of my dad for keeping this running all these years—this is, a 486 DX2. So like, this is a souped-up 486. I’m hearing an, “uh-huh, yeah, oh yeah.” And what you see there, that is not a blue screen of death. This is, in the days of Windows 3.1, and it runs Windows 3.1, you can launch it. My dad wrote in MS DOS this menu system that lets you navigate between the various— [Laughing] I’m having all these nods of recognition. “Yes, I have done that.” So you can go program in basic, or you can type in 11 like I always did and get to the games menu. [Audience ‘aww’s.] So yeah, so I was showing—I was showing Carrie the games menu. Commander Keen, still running! Original! Yeah!
carrie
									
This computer has a floppy drive, what else?
ross
									
Oh yeah, so first we noticed the I-Omega zip drive, ‘cause that was attached, and it was like, on a serial port. Yeah. This is—I’m glad you’re enjoying this geekery with me. Still running. I actually—I have a stack of zip disks I need to take over there and, just check. But the one under the CD-Rom, which was very new at the time, the one under the CD-Rom, I don’t think you identified that or knew what that was.
carrie
									
Right, yeah, what is it?
ross
									
Uh, can anybody see that? What that is? [There is some shouting from the audience.]
carrie
									
No, above the floppy drive.
ross
									
You got it! Five-and-a-quarter. Yeah. We’ve got a CD-Rom, we’ve got three-and-a-half inch floppy drive, we’ve got I-Omega zip disk, and we’ve got five-and-a-quarter floppy drive. So many data formats.
carrie
									
I’m proud to say, though, they asked me to guess the year that it was born and I was one year off. Okay, so I said 1994 and it was 1993?
ross
									
Yeah. Yeah. Very impressive.
carrie
									
What up. I wear glasses. [Audience laughs.]
ross
									
So I was showing Carrie all the games that I used to play all the time—and on a longer podcast I’d totally geek out on all of these—but the important thing was that we had Captain Bible still running. So this came from On Disk Monthly. To defeat a cyber lie, you had to collect verses, and so he would say a lie to you, and then you would choose a verse that would counteract his lie. Defeat that cyber-lie, and you’d continue on your adventure.
carrie
									
Now, I should note, as we approached, Ross had to pee pretty bad, but he did this first. [Audience laughs.]
ross
									
I’ve got priorities. And they showed us around the house, showed us all the flowers, and Carrie asked to have one of the lemons from their lemon tree.
carrie
									
Yeah, so they had this lemon—well, first they told us a pun. Anyway, then they were like, “Oh, and here’s our lemon tree. It’s producing.” And I said, “Oh, can I take a lemon? I’ve had a cold. I can put it in my tea.” Diane said yes, and then I said, “You know, our audience would probably take some if you want.” And she was like [deep, perplexed babbling] and so— [Audience starts cheering.]
ross
									
I like how excited you are for lemons! Yeah! I was gonna say, let’s throw em at—no.
carrie
									
Wait, I’m gonna throw them. What were you gonna do?
ross
									
Oh, okay, I just remember like, hitting someone in the face with something I threw before.
carrie
									
Oh, cool. Okay!
ross
									
Your turn.
carrie
									
Uh, lemon! Lemon! Everyone— [Someone in the audience shouts ‘lemon’ back. Carrie laughs.] And they’re all signed.
ross
									
With witty phrases, mostly written by Carrie.
carrie
									
[Laughs] It took us a good ten minutes to figure out what you write on a lemon.
ross
									
So, Dad and Diane had been hearing stories of our adventures for so many years, they’d heard your voice, and they finally got to meet you. That was fun. Alright, so, now we leave Scotts Valley and we head toward—
carrie
									
The Holy City!
ross
									
San Francisco. Yeah, so does anyone know about this? So, as we were driving, I said—
carrie
									
Couple people.
ross
									
We were on 17. I took out the definite article, cause we don’t do that in Northern California. [Some people in the audience hoot and clap.] That’s right, thats right. I’m not so reprogrammed that I don’t remember. So, as we were driving on 17, I said, “Oh, somewhere around here there’s one of those utopian communities—”
carrie
									
Cult. And okay, I’m feeling super sick at this point, but there’s one way to get me to stop the car anyway. I’m like, “Oh, we have to go see the utopian cult. We have to.” So—
ross
									
Carrie’s looking it up as we approach, and she realizes that it’s been bought by...
carrie
									
Scientologists! [Crowd roars and “boo”s.]
ross
									
Yeah. So yeah—
carrie
									
They like to buy buildings.
ross
									
Bought by this family that are like, the biggest—whales?—within Scientology.
carrie
									
What?
ross
									
You know, like—you know, the ones that give a ton of money.
carrie
									
Is that what they’re called? Whales?
ross
									
Well, in gambling it’s, you know, a whale, right? That’s somebody—
carrie
									
Oh, a shark? [Affirmations are shouted from the audience.] Wait, so a shark is a person who takes your m—stop the show. [Laughing] A shark is a person who manipulates you out of your money.
ross
									
Right, yeah, like a pool shark.
carrie
									
A whale is a person who gives you the money?
ross
									
Well, a whale is someone like, “Oh, let’s give them free steaks and free nights in the hotel,” because you know they have a ton of money and they’re gonna spend it in your gambling house. [Carrie responds affirmatively.] So for Scientology, they know—they keep coming up with these, you know, third order meritorious, you know? Like some great level of giving, so they can have some new title to encourage them to give another, you know, 50 million.
carrie
									
And here’s a weird thing, this family’s last name is Duggar, but isn’t the Duggars. Just a different religious family called the Duggars.
ross
									
Yeah, the people with all the kids, right? [Carrie responds affirmatively.] Yeah. So anyway, as we were approaching Holy City, there’s all kinds of signs saying, “Don’t come this way. Don’t take this road.”
carrie
									
“Stay out. Private property. Do not enter.” We’re like, “Got it. Entering.” [Audience laughs.]
ross
									
They’ve got security cameras on it. So this is the front building, facing Old Santa Cruz Road. And a little bit about Holy City, they had their own radio station.
carrie
									
Called… K-Fuck-You? K-F-Q-U?
ross
									
I don’t—how would you pronounce that? [Audience laughs.] That’s like—
carrie
									
‘Kay, fuck you! That’s how I’d say that!
ross
									
I love how like, if you try to pronounce FCC? Fuck. [Carrie affirms and the audience laughs.] Anyway, so, I can’t remember what eventually was their ending, but, you know, they flourished for years. And they had like, a lot of facilities, and you know, one of these—
carrie
									
They had—according to the Wikipedia page. I haven’t actually sourced this. They had 75 men and four women? [“Oooh”s from the audience.] What’s happening there?
ross
									
There’s a story there.
carrie
									
There’s a Smurfs situation. [Audience laughs.] And then, uh—
ross
									
[Laughing] That took me a moment!
carrie
									
Yeah so they had a restaurant, they had a radio station, and they had a peep show? But they were celibate.
ross
									
Yeah, what are you peeping at?
carrie
									
Yeah. I mean, I guess you don’t have to fuck it to see it. You may quote me.
ross
									
Of course they had a restaurant. Of course they did. So, here we are walking around, and there’s security cameras and various signs. It looks like, “Oh, that—that’s gotta be exciting, what’s behind the double doors?” It’s this, uh, long, low-lying building, and it’s just—it’s just part of a very large area.
carrie
									
Apparently a lot of this Holy City burned down mysteriously right after they all left, but this remains. This one building.
ross
									
It hasn’t been razed to the ground yet. I don’t know if there’s plans for it. Uh, so yeah, we didn’t get too far, but it was very exciting just to see a little bit of this place we’d heard about. Okay, but—
carrie
									
But.
ross
									
We’re here. We’re with you. Let’s do another investigation. [Scattered hoots and applause.]
carrie
									
We’re here in this now moment as Jerry Powell would want us to be. Thank you, whoever understood that reference. That’s the guy that runs Rhythmia. Oh my god, speaking of Rhythmia! Before we do anything else! Does anyone know what’s coming? [The audience cheers and claps.]
ross
									
Carrie is holding up a bottle of Ayahuasca tincture. [Audience laughs.]
carrie
									
So for those of you who don’t know, we went to a place called Rhythmia in Costa Rica in January 2018.
ross
									
Carry on.
carrie
									
And uh, Ross did Ayahuasca. I did not. And uh, but they said it’s okay if you can’t do it, ‘cause I was on a medicine that’s no good. If you can’t do it, it’s okay. You can do the homeopathic tincture, and that is as strong or stronger. I’m here to tell you it is not stronger. But, so this has the tincture in it and then it also has a little bit of holy water from Amma the hugging saint that I’ve put in there. [People cheer and applaud.] So what you do is you shake it up and you put three sprays under your tongue and you’re high as fuck. [Audience laughs. Carrie spritzes the tincture under her tongue three times and then speaks with a full mouth.] That’s not true. Nothing happens. But we’re gonna pass it around. [Carrie spritzes the tincture into her mouth three more times and then makes a fake intoxicated sound.]
ross
									
Tripping balls. [Audience laughs.] Alright, and while Carrie hands that out for you to pass around, I have here one of the Hershey’s kisses that was blessed by Amma the hugging saint. [Audience cheers.]
carrie
									
Oh, I should say, for the tincture, it does have a tiny bit of alcohol in it, for anybody who doesn’t partake.
ross
									
Okay, what should we do to give out this blessed—that was held by Amma in her hand?
carrie
									
Okay, how about… [Someone calls out from the audience, followed by laughter from Ross and the audience.] “Give it unconditionally.” That’s not what she’d do. [Audience laughs again.]
ross
									
Yeah, it’d be $108—no. [Carrie laughs.] Okay, how about whoever—the first person who can tell you what your mantra was?
carrie
									
Oh! Yeah, if you can name either of the mantras, I’m—
ross
									
I saw a hand right there.
carrie
									
Oh, yes? Hand? [Voice calls indiscernibly from the audience.] Yeah!
ross
									
Pretty good.
crosstalk
									
Ross and Carrie, in unison: Zhay baga zhay baga zhay.
ross
									
And someone told us that that was probably—
carrie
									
Oh, yes. Oh shoot. Someone wrote to us and had a very good theory about it. Uhh.
ross
									
Why is it not coming to me?
carrie
									
I don’t remember either, but it was a particular word that they were like, “Oh, this is a common phrase.”
ross
									
Yeah and we were very impressed with that.
carrie
									
And then they mentioned—I was like, “Well, what about duruduruduru?” And she was like, “Do you think they were saying guru, guru, guru?” I was like—
ross
									
Guru guru guru guru.
carrie
									
“Yes, I do.” [Audience laughs.] “Yes, I do.”
ross
									
Alright, well, good job! You win.
carrie
									
Yay! [The audience applauds loudly.] Now you can keep it, or you can eat it and then it’s part of you forever, but whatever you think is appropriate.
ross
									
Alright, vamp, I’m gonna look up what that was.
carrie
									
Um. Cool. [Audience laughs.] My birthday’s in July, and...
ross
									
You can like, carry on with the investigation.
carrie
									
Oh! Okay. Um, so what we’re going to do is we’re going to bring a couple people up here to investigate something with us. [Crowd cheers.] So this is something that we’ve had since 2016, but haven’t had an opportunity to test it. So there is a company called Rainbow Optics, and they sell these tinted glasses that supposedly influence your mood. So the different colors that they offer have different properties, and um, I won’t give away what they are, because we’re about to test them. But as an example—and this isn’t true—but let’s say uh, brown makes you feel familial. I dunno. [Audience laughs multiple times as Carrie continues speaking.] So you put them on, and it influences the brown chakra. Again, not true. We actually wrote to them in 2016 and said, “Hey, someone suggested your product to us. Would you like us to test it? We’ll take free ones.” And uh, and they said sure! And so they very good naturedly sent us this box of them, and then we’re like, “Cool, we’ll sit on this for four years.” Oh, yes. Ross. Ross, is it?
ross
									
Oh. This—we’re looking at their website right now. We’ve got a lady wearing kind of magenta shades, and right now, if you guys act fast, you can get some yellow ones.
carrie
									
That’s a screenshot from today! And they say 300 free yellow translucents, as long as they last! You just have to put in your email address and get a fucking 6,000 emails in like, a year. I got so many.
ross
									
Wait, let me show you the emails. [There’s a smattering of chuckles from the audience that breaks into raucous laughter, presumably as screenshots are being shown.]
carrie
									
They like to email. What are you looking for? I forget now.
ross
									
Oh yeah. I’m looking for zhay baga zhay, what that, uh—
carrie
									
Yeah, did you just start reading your email?
ross
									
Oh. I did not. I started with the Google Docs. I thought I’d put it in one. Anyways, so this is AJ Prakash. He says, “My guess is that she may have been saying jai bhagavan during your hug. This is a generic Sanskrit prayer which means ‘glory to God’.” Glory to God. There you go.
carrie
									
Makes sense.
ross
									
Yeah. That makes total sense. Thank you, AJ. Alright, I’m back, I’m engaged.
carrie
									
Alright. [Laughs] No, I’m engaged. [Ross responds emphatically while the audience cheers and applauds.] I am. Thank you. Thank you.
ross
									
So, here are the glasses. You can see the varieties of these. I do not know what they’re supposed to do, but you do.
carrie
									
I sure do, so I will be the administrator of the single blinded test, and we have a special guest to come up and help us test these.
ross
									
Please come up, Rebecca Watson!
carrie
									
Rebecca Watson! [Audience applauds.] Where’s she at?
rebecca watson
									
I didn’t know this was BYOS. Bring your own stool.
ross
									
Join us.
rebecca
									
Alright. Ooh, wow. That’s a light. Ross, I’m about to change your whole goddamn life, by the way.
ross
									
Do it. Yeah?
rebecca
									
Yeah. I don’t know if you knew this, but if you just like, open up your phone and then just go L-E-V-E-L.
ross
									
Oh! That’s right, there is a built-in—
rebecca
									
Yeah. There’s a level here.
ross
									
Actually isn’t it—isn’t it right there with the compass, or...
rebecca
									
It’s right—it’s right here.
ross
									
You’re right. I didn’t—
rebecca
									
You don’t actually have to show up to places—
carrie
									
[Laughing] With an entire spirit level.
rebecca
									
With an entire—
ross
									
Okay, okay, Rebecca.
rebecca
									
But that might just be your own personal big dick move. I don’t know. [Audience laughs.]
ross
									
Tell me, which is more fun? My big, yellow—look at this, I have two levels, actually. Which is better?
rebecca
									
Which would be more—
ross
									
This, or this?
rebecca
									
I don’t know, uh, which one is closer to like—
carrie
									
They can’t just shout out “this.”
rebecca
									
None of this. [Laughs.]
ross
									
Let’s hear it for “this”! [Everyone laughs and the audience cheers.] That’s the big, yellow, clumsy one that just barely fits in my backpack. And here, the phone one! [One person cheers and claps. The rest of the audience boo’s.] Point made! No, no, that’s a very good tip.
rebecca
									
Alright, or what about having sex with someone? Or like, you know, doing other things.
ross
									
Alright, okay. That’s better. No, no, fair point. This one has a laser pointer. Does your phone have a laser pointer?
rebecca
									
Oh, no, that’s a good point. My phone doesn’t have a—now I stand corrected. [Carrie laughs.]
ross
									
No, this is a good life hack.
rebecca
									
Yeah, I’m just here to help.
carrie
									
So, Rebecca, you are a fan of science. You’re a writer. You’re a host. You’re a very funny person.
rebecca
									
Thank you.
carrie
									
I was trying to think of the best phrase for you last night, and I was like, “She’s so cool. She’s so effortlessly cool.” And then I started thinking about it, and I was like, “Ross and I are gonna look like such nerds. Why’d we invite her?”
rebecca
									
Oh, no! And I came out here and called you guys nerds! [Carrie and the audience laugh.] That—I was like, waiting backstage like, “I’m gonna go out there and call them nerds!”
carrie
									
[Laughing] No, but Rebecca does a great analysis of sort of pop science writing and reporting, an you should go and support her at Patreon.com/Rebecca.
rebecca
									
That’s me!
carrie
									
Which she should be rewarded for just getting.
rebecca
									
Yeah, yeah. I’m an early adopter.
ross
									
Rebecca’s the—you’re the creator of Skepchick?
rebecca
									
I am! Skepchick, yeah,.org.
carrie
									
And you also have your own trivia show?
rebecca
									
I do, I have a show called Quizzotron. It’s a combination of science and comedy. It’s where comedians compete against scientists to see who knows more about science or is funnier. [Carrie laughs.]
ross
									
Have we settled that issue?
rebecca
									
The—I mean, honestly the scientists usually win, so that might, you know, that might just be me picking bad comedians. [Carrie laughs.] So, I dunno.
carrie
									
Okay, so we’re going to have you—
rebecca
									
Oh, wait wait wait! We’re doing a Quizzatron on Sunday. So if you’re around here on Sunday, at Pianofight, at the hour of 10 P.M. Because what else are you doing at 10 P.M. on a Sunday? Not hanging out with your family!
ross
									
Right here in San Francisco? Where they shot part of The Jazz Singer? [Audience laughs.]
rebecca
									
And you know what? If you’re gonna be out in San Francisco, you’re gonna wanna be in The Tenderloin. So, come on out.
carrie
									
It’s also—I believe Sunday night is a time where you are allowed to wear an outfit that matches your spouse. Sunday morning, no. That’s a callback to Ross’s parents.
rebecca
									
I enjoyed it. I saw that earlier.
ross
									
Yeah, that was good.
carrie
									
Um, okay. So, we’re going to bring up a few more volunteers and have y’all try on these glasses, and then together, you’re going to try to guess what they are supposed to make you feel.
rebecca
									
Now, could I try them on over my actual glasses?
carrie
									
I don’t see why not.
rebecca
									
Okay. I didn’t want that to affect the experiment.
ross
									
Yeah, were there any disclaimers on the website about that?
carrie
									
I don’t think so. So actually the website is very careful about not being specific about what their claim is. So, you know, they say stuff about how all these colors represent different chakras, and well, those chakras have to do with these different feelings. But they don’t actually say, “We’re going to make you feel more loving,” or whatever it is. They’re very careful.
ross
									
Yeah, they're talking about how their aesthetic is “expressive, emotional, playful, and draws inspiration from 80’s culture.” But, these glasses are also supposed to kinda make you feel certain emotions.
rebecca
									
Okay so, like, we’re gonna put these on and say what emotion it makes us feel.
carrie
									
Yes we are. So, Rebecca, do you wanna pick the first pair, and then we’ll bring out some people?
rebecca
									
I mean, it’s kind of an obvious choice, isn’t it?
ross
									
Oh, okay, she’s got heart shaped glasses.
carrie
									
Orange heart-shaped glasses. God, I wonder what feeling those are supposed to make you feel. So, uh—
rebecca
									
Vengeance. [Carrie and the audience laugh.]
ross
									
On the screen here, Carrie’s blanked this out so we can’t tell what glasses we’re talking about, but “blank” is a dynamic healing color on both spiritual and physical levels. “Blank” is the color of “blank” chakra, and can awaken “blank.” [Carrie responds emphatically.]
rebecca
									
I’m gonna go on a murder spree. That’s what these glasses are doing to me. They’re just filling me with rage. [Ross laughs.]
ross
									
Well, you’re looking at me.
rebecca
									
Yeah, you’re the only white man here. Sorry. I mean pale-yellow man.
ross
									
Now, if you had to attack someone quickly, would you rather have this, or this? See—
rebecca
									
Normally I do my attacking with the phone, but yeah, for physical altercations, you’re right.
carrie
									
You can call 911 with a phone.
ross
									
Some heft to it, yeah.
carrie 
									
Okay, so we do need four volunteers who will wear these other four glasses, and guess what they make you feel. Oh, God, I don’t know how to pick. That’s more than four!
rebecca
									
Pick the yellow person in the back.
carrie
									
If that means something to you, come forth.
rebecca
									
That’s a joke, because my glasses are yellow.
ross
									
Oh! I think I can officially say at this point that this episode is brought to you by the color yellow. Because we have the mystery spot logo, we have the banana slug, we have the lemons, this level, which is more yellow than anybody’s phone here.
rebecca
									
Wow, you’re gonna just take it home, aren’t you?
carrie
									
But those are orange, right? Those are orange.
ross
									
Yeah, but looking through them, she’s seeing yellow.
rebecca
									
I’m seeing—like the spotlight that’s right in my face.
ross
									
[Singing] That’s why she’s looking at the world through yellow glasses—
carrie
									
Um, is that person still trying to find their way up to the stage? There are stairs over here, or you can go through that curtain and up the—that’s complicated. There are stairs over here.
ross
									
Work your way through the audience. They’re friendly.
rebecca
									
Carrie, can I have your liquid death?
carrie
									
Oh, yes, please. Partake.
rebecca
									
This is just water, right?
carrie
									
It’s a can of water. That’s right.
rebecca
									
It’s water for men who don’t wanna be—
ross
									
Well, it’s not a bottle of water.
carrie
									
Yeah, what’s cool about it is this is apparently much more recyclable than plastic. And so they give five cents for every purchase to, uh, cleaning up the shit in the oceans. [Rebecca responds affirmatively.] Yeah! You feel stupid now, don’t you?
rebecca
									
No, it’s still a really stupid name.
ross
									
I like how I fight back on the level, and you fight back on liquid death.
rebecca
									
I would literally choke a turtle to death rather than drink—
ross
									
Come to our show, Rebecca will fight you.
carrie
									
We have our first volunteer, what’s your name?
celia
									
Celia.
carrie
									
And, Celia, which color speaks to you? We have magenta, blue, orange, and green.
celia
									
I’m an A’s fan, so I’ll go with the green.
ross
									
Oh, alright, Athletics fan. Oakland Athletics. Wait, are they still Oakland?
celia
									
They’re still Oakland.
rebecca
									
Yes. Always and forever. [She repeats the phrase in a sing-song.]
ross
									
Okay. Oh good. My baseball knowledge is frozen at when I was ten.
rebecca
									
Not forever. Actually, they used to be the Philadelphia Athletics.
ross
									
Oh! We brought a trivia expert.
rebecca
									
Well, you know. My grandma was a fan. Philly represent.
carrie
									
You wanna pick a volunteer?
rebecca
									
Oh, I literally can’t see anyone. [Laughs] I can see you with the glasses, right here in the front, but then I feel like I need to pick somebody in the—can I pick someone in the back? Can I pick another person? Okay, standing at the bar, with the bun on your head. Yeah. It’s all I can see, you’re a silhouette. You’re like a Simpsons character.
ross
									
Yeah! Way to work with shapes!
rebecca
									
I could see your silhouette. Uh, with the beard, beardy man. Come on up, sure. I feel like, you know, we need a man, I guess. Oh wait, is there another one? I get one more? Was I supposed to keep picking?
carrie
									
Uh, no, but that’s okay! Okay, do we have—oh we have four now. Okay, great. Okay, so we have orange, magenta, a lightning free-for-all.
rebecca
									
I’m sorry, everyone just seemed so nice! Let’s bring ‘em all up here.
ross
									
We appreciate your enthusiasm.
carrie
									
She says it—she chooses that one, but really it chooses her.
speaker 1
									
It was the last one.
ross
									
Oh, those look good on you. Nice.
carrie
									
Okay, and who are our other volunteers, what’s your name?
kelsey
									
I’m Kelsey.
carrie
									
Hello, Kelsey. You’ve chosen magenta, any reason?
ross
									
This is stylish. Wait, I need to get a photo of this.
carrie 
									
Woah, okay! Says it’s pink. I’ve seen the website, and it’s magenta. We’ll get to you Rebecca, Jesus. Um, okay, and what’s your name?
rebecca
									
I like being the center of attention.
isaac
									
Isaac.
carrie
									
And uh, why did you pick blue, Isaac?
isaac
									
Because it matches the rest of my suit.
rebecca
									
That’s a good suit!
carrie
									
It’s a very nice suit!
ross
									
It fits the outfit, definitely.
rebecca
									
I was not informed we were dressing up today.
ross
									
Sharp, thank you.
isaac
									
Someone had to!
rebecca
									
Rude. Rude.
carrie
									
I mean, I’m wearing a blazer.
isaac
									
Not intended as such.
rebecca
									
I liked it. I liked it.
roanne
									
Roanne.
carrie
									
Roanne, and why’d you pick red?
roanne
									
Because it was the last option. [Audience laughs.]
carrie
									
Okay, that’s a good reason. It’s good.
ross
									
And as you say, they chose you. That’s how they chose to choose you.
carrie
									
You know, I’m gonna move you closer so you don’t feel like, I dunno, B celebrities in this podcast.
rebecca
									
Excuse me, I’m the B celebrity, they’re Cs at least. [Carrie laughs.]
ross
									
You are all looking fantastic.
carrie
									
Alright, if you can all crowd around the mic, because we will need your input.
rebecca
									
So we’re not gonna swap and see if we agree.
carrie
									
You can. I’ll tell you the rules, and then you’ll know.
rebecca
									
I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to jump in.
carrie
									
So, what you’re going to do, is—
rebecca
									
I don’t know how to sit on stools.
carrie
									
Oh, wow, well, we’re all learning tonight. What we’re gonna do is, first of all, we just need to know. This is an interview that the CEO of this company made, where he talks about chromotherapy, and elaborated on what that is—
ross
									
That is what we are testing. Chromotherapy.
carrie
									
Right, he said, “Imagine standing in a room that is all one color, like all yellow, or all blue. The feeling of the room is very different depending on the color. Interior designers use this to set the mood for a room, observing the world through our color lenses will have the same effect.”
ross
									
That all makes sense.
carrie
									
There you go! So, uh, using this philosophy—you bought in, great. So using this philosophy, we’re going to tell you what the different feelings are, and you’re going to guess which pair you’ve got.
ross
									
Is anybody feeling headache-y yet? Wait, what?
speaker
									
What?
ross
									
What? [Audience laughs.] What are you feeling?
carrie
									
She said “acid.” Um— [Audience laughs.]
rebecca
									
Please make your jokes on mic, thank you. [Everyone laughs.]
carrie
									
Yeah, if you guys want to push that mic up. If someone wants to be the brave leader of the group.
isaac
									
Is epilepsy an option?
carrie
									
Um—oh! Oh, maybe we should have given a warning! [Audience laughs.] Are you feeling okay?
rebecca
									
Oh, no. Isaac got the strobe glasses.
carrie
									
[Laughing] Now, here’s a cool fact about me. I host this show, I’m very prepared, I got a Masters in journalism, and I left the list of what each color is upstairs. [Audience laughs.] So Ross, if you can vamp—
rebecca
									
Well, let’s vamp!
carrie
									
—I’m just gonna walk off stage now.
ross
									
Does this slide help? [Uproarious laughter from the audience and volunteers.] Oh, my turn to vamp. Okay. Well, hello everybody. You know, we talked about uh, photography, but we have Thomas Delgato in the audience taking photos, which we greatly appreciate. He happens to be my cousin as well, so this is a real— [The audience ‘aww’s.] —family operation. Thank you, Thomas.
rebecca
									
Is he wearing the same shirt that you’re wearing?
ross
									
No.
rebecca
									
That’s not just a thing your family does?
ross
									
Wait, was he?
rebecca
									
I think he was. Yeah.
ross
									
Oh, wow.
rebecca
									
Yeah, and the weird thing is he was wearing the same shoes and had the same haircut, and he—
ross
									
No, he had the opposite shoes.
rebecca
									
—told me that I should call him Ross.
ross
									
We remember this differently. Oh, Carrie’s back!
rebecca
									
Ross, he’s gonna kill you.
carrie
									
Oh, hey. Hey, what’s up? Okay so, we’re going to show you what the different glasses do. I think that’s on the next slide, Ross. Cool. And then I have the list that says the answers. Okay, so—
rebecca
									
Oh, well the background on this is orange, so I know it’s about me.
carrie
									
[Laughs] Okay, so listen carefully. One of you has the duality glasses. Now, these increase your respect for the sacredness of life. So think about—do—am I feeling that right now?
ross
									
Yeah, is that you? [One of the volunteers says “me.” You don’t have to answer right now, but think about it, think about it.
rebecca
									
I have less respect for life at this point.
carrie
									
Oh, interesting.
rebecca
									
It just really filled me with a seething rage.
carrie
									
Oh, cool. Okay. The second one is communication glasses. These make you calm, relaxed, and reassured. The third, love glasses—god, I wonder which one those are— [Audience laughs.] —those purify, open, uplift, and awaken. Then emotions glasses, which seems like a catch-all. Those give you stability, balance, quieting the mind—
rebecca
									
Wait, I’m sorry. You didn’t tell me that one pair was survival glasses.  That’s the most important pair!
carrie
									
That’s my favorite, because the explanation is that they make you feel more grounded? That doesn’t help my survival.
rebecca
									
No, and this is the opposite of the Captain Planet people, where it’s like, you know, one is useless. This is—
carrie
									
You want to give this reference that way.
rebecca
									
Oh. So this is like Captain Planet where— [Everyone laughs.]
ross
									
Yeah, I remember Captain Planet.
rebecca
									
You know how one guy is heart and it’s like, what the fuck?
ross
									
They combine their rings together. [Carrie responds affirmatively.]
rebecca
									
Yeah but one is heart. Like, one guy can set things on fire, and the other guy is heart.
ross
									
Well, someone’s gotta be heart.
rebecca
									
Like this is the opposite of that, where only one pair of glasses is worth anything, and that’s the survival glasses, and I think we should fight for them. [Distant, unmiced voice speaks.]
carrie
									
Do you what? Are you just leaving?
ross
									
Well, she’s asking if she can keep them.
carrie
									
Okay, so— [Distant, unmiced voice speaks again.] Here’s how the rules go.
ross
									
It’s a good question.
carrie
									
You’re all gonna try to figure out which ones you’ve got. If you get it right individually, you get to keep your glasses. If all five of you get it right, on this stage, I will call Jerry from Rhythmia and ask him if I can come back. [Audience laughs.] Uh, Jerry sued us, so the answer’s probably no! Okay.
ross
									
Only one way to find out for sure.
rebecca
									
Guys, I think I might have love.
carrie
									
So, okay. We’ll let you guys caucus because it does—it behooves you to get on the same page here.
rebecca
									
For the podcast audience, my glasses are literally shaped like hearts. So, I have a strong feeling.
carrie
									
Correct. So, once again, do you wanna go over them again, Ross?
ross
									
Alright. Duality glasses, communication glasses, love glasses, emotions glasses, and survival glasses. So, you should be feeling one of these emotions.
speaker 1
									
All I feel is a headache.
rebecca
									
Okay, lets say, I’m a zombie and I’m coming at the four of you, who steps forward to confront me?
ross
									
Who feels prepared?
… speaker 2?
									
I would do—I’m duality, for sure.
rebecca
									
So yeah, you’re not survival, you stepped ahead. Okay, into the mic, commentary into the mic.
carrie
									
Okay, into the mic, commentary into the mic.
isaac
									
I might, under these conditions, try to talk the zombie down, which means I would promptly die.
renée
									
Yeah, so you’re not survival.
ross
									
Does that make you the emotions glasses?
ross
									
You might be emotions.
isaac
									
I feel like I’m the communications one, actually.
carrie
									
Oh, okay! Lot of support from the audience.
ross
									
Okay, so come stand over here, you will be communication.
carrie
									
Okay, so blue, communication.

									
I dunno, blue to me says emotions. With the tears crying?
rebecca
									
Okay. Or like, calm—oh, calm! No, blue is totally communication.
carrie
									
Feel free to look at the audience. Go with your loved ones, as well. Poll the audience.
rebecca
									
This is like price is right rules. You can...
ross
									
Any strong feelings out here?

									
They use the blue glasses to—
ross
									
Are we locking down blue as communication? Okay, come to this side of the stage—

									
No no no! There have been dieticians that have said that if you wear blue glasses while you’re eating, it changes how you perceive the food, so you don’t eat as much.
carrie
									
I’ve heard that, because it reminds you of mold. Yeah, yeah I think that really is why.

									
I dunno, you’re being more calm? I dunno.
isaac
									
So then I really hope that I’m right, because I’d really like to keep these.

									
Also, a lot of celebrities wear blue glasses, so maybe it—
carrie
									
Oh. Okay.
ross
									
Okay, are we all agreed that Rebecca is love, with the heart shaped glasses? [Audience murmurs in assent.]
carrie
									
Don’t wanna lean—
rq
									
That is the first time a live audience has ever agreed that Rebecca is love. [Carrie laughs.]
ross
									
I’ll feel bad if I led you wrong, but I do not know the correct answer.
carrie
									
He really doesn’t. Okay, orange, uh, we’re going with love.
ross
									
Okay, so we have three left. I think you were feeling the duality?

									
I think so.
rebecca
									
Do you feel like life is more sacred to you than normal?
carrie
									
Okay, so, what are our remaining colors?
ross
									
Full of opinions.
rebecca
									
When’s the last time you killed anyone or anything?

									
I feel like I’m seeing double, so that gives me a dual aspect right off the bat. I’m just doing deductive reasoning.
rebecca 
									
What are the other things—
carrie
									
So it doesn’t make you decisive, we know that.
ross
									
We’ve got survival, we’ve got emotions, and we’ve got duality. So who’s our duality?
carrie
									
Oh, so this is what the website says they all do for you—

									
So I’m supposed to feel an increased respect for the sacredness of life.
rebecca
									
If that’s what glasses you have.
carrie
									
If you have duality, correct.

									
Totally. That makes a lot of sense.
carrie
									
You choose duality. Okay, duality it is, come over here!
ross
									
We’re locking you down on duality. Okay. One of you is emotions, and one of you is survival.
rebecca 
									
The two genders. [Audience laughs.]

									
The one with emotions should like, feel angry, or something. Or something. Should feel something.

									
I—well, see, I waited too long, because I have the green, which makes me think of Kermit, and “It’s not easy being green.” I’m thinking “nature”, but—
rebecca
									
This is a long walk, where are we going though?
carrie
									
Okay now hang on, this is interesting. Hang on, yeah, this is a little bit of a prisoner’s dilemma. But if you think one of these people already stole your shit. You can say, “no, no, I’m—”
rebecca
									
You can go rogue.
carrie
									
You can! It just means everyone won’t win. But you? You might.

									
I don’t think that green is survival, because it—

									
No no no, it totally is!
carrie
									
I don’t actually care what you don’t think it is. I care what you do think it is. [Audience laughs.]
rebecca
									
Oh shit. I think Carrie’s wearing the emotions glasses.
ross
									
You’ve got emotions and survival.

									
I think I’m emotions?
carrie
									
Or you can pick one of the ones from before. Steal it back, it’s like white elephant.
rebecca
									
What do you think you are, do you think you’re duality? Is that where you were going with the nature thing?

									
I think so.
carrie
									
Duality? Do it. Do it. Duality.
rebecca
									
Because it’s right. I think I’m right.
ross
									
Okay, you’ve been challenged for duality.

									
We can rock-paper-scissors it.
carrie
									
Alright, come over here!
ross
									
What’s your fallback?
rebecca
									
Yeah, do you have a fallback?
ross
									
Are you emotions or survival?
carrie
									
They can have the same one, that’s fine. Yeah, it’s just she threw them all under the bus.

									
So multiple colors can mean the same thing?
ross
									
Yes.
rebecca
									
Yeah, which one do you think yours is?
ross
									
You have to tell us which one you think it is.
rebecca
									
They might be wrong, you might be right.

									
Yeah, well...
rebecca
									
Nobody thinks they have survival? Do you think you have survival?
carrie
									
Yeah. What do you think—out of all five, what speaks to you?
rebecca
									
Like, I could see tank-girl wearing those.

									
I kinda feel like survival, more than anything else. I don’t know what it means, but.
carrie
									
Okay, survival. Come on over here.
ross
									
Okay, Carrie’s gonna reveal the answer.
rebecca
									
Carrie’s so fed up with our shit. [Carrie laughs.]
carrie
									
We got the five minute mark, I’m moving it along. Alright, so, we’re sticking with what you said originally, okay? Who has magenta? You. Magenta, you said survival? That is duality. [Guests groan in disappointment.] You should have felt an increased respect for the sacredness of life. Okay, blue?

									
[Distantly] I’m just tripping balls.
carrie
									
You had blue, and you guessed it was communication, made you calm, relaxed, and reassured, and you were right. [Audience cheers.]
ross
									
He keeps the glasses! Nicely done, sir.
carrie
									
Who has green? Okay—green. What did you guess? You guessed duality, as well. Green is, get this, love! [Audience and guests groan in outrage.] It purifies, opens, uplifts, and awakens!
rebecca
									
Have I been misled by the hearts?
ross
									
Gets ‘em every time.
rebecca
									
“Never judge glasses by their frames.” How else would you judge glasses? That’s ridiculous.
carrie
									
Um, and then red, who had red? Okay, you had red, and you said also duality. Okay, red is survival.
ross
									
Survival!
carrie
									
Feel more grounded.
isaac?
									
[Distantly] Bloodlust! I get it.
carrie
									
And orange is emotions. All of ‘em.
rebecca
									
I’m the least emotional person I know!
carrie
									
It makes you stable, balanced, quiets the mind, and harmony.
rebecca
									
I’m the least stable person I know!
crosstalk
									
Ross: Well, the glasses will change that. Carrie: Well, that’s why you need them, Rebecca!
rebecca
									
It’s true.
carrie
									
Well, thank you to all our participants, and you knew this was coming, just keep the damn glasses. [Audience cheers.]
ross
									
You get glasses! You get glasses! You get glasses!
rebecca
									
Does anybody want hearts? I don’t really—I can’t wear glasses, because I wear glasses. Do any of you up here—would you rather have hearts than the glasses you chose? No? No? You guys are adorable. I see you.
ross
									
Thank you everybody, very well done, very well done. Thank you so much.
carrie
									
Well, thank you to all our volunteers, and Rebecca, we have something special for you.
rebecca
									
Aw, do I have something else?
carrie
									
The Mystery Spot, Rebecca Lane. Oooh!
rebecca
									
What! Aw, thank you! I know exactly where I’m going to put this. [Audience laughs.]
ross
									
She put it right next to her landing strip. Alright.
carrie
									
Held it up to her crotch. Uh, thank you Rebecca! Bye!
rebecca
									
Thank you! [Audience cheers]
carrie
									
Is that everything? Did we do all of the things?
ross
									
I think we have to give away some other things. Lets give them away real quickly.
carrie
									
You’re right. Ross has—what is that, your Numerology—?
ross
									
This is my Numerology sheet, with my numbers broken down, explaining why I am a 3/4ths, two-five-seven—I’m a lot of things. Who wants this? Okay, I think I saw that hand shoot up first, if you wanna come out and grab it.
carrie
									
Uh, please pick things that you’ve actually listened to the episode, and they mean something to you.
ross
									
You seemed excited. You’re welcome!
carrie
									
Who wants—Oh, and all these things are signed by both of us. Who wants my copy of Sacred Commerce? I saw you first. [Scattered shouts.] A terrible book! How about a copy of National Sunday Law? One day, we will all have to worship on Sunday.
ross 
									
Right here. You’re welcome.
carrie
									
Yeah, someone asked if that’s from the Seventh Sead I’ve done, yeah it is. Uh, and then we have Eckankar, Ancient Wisdom For Today!
ross
									
Oh. Oh! Okay.
carrie
									
Did that land in the aisle?
ross
									
Okay, so this, this is the SD card upon which we have recorded about 90% of our episodes, and it’s falling apart. The chip falls out, but I actually—I put it back in the computer today, after I kinda pushed this in its spot, so watch out, it’ll fall apart. I could still read files off of it, so it has our new episode in raw format, it hasn’t been edited yet, if you wanna hear it in advance.
carrie
									
It is not the one from Costa Rica, that’s still in Costa Rica.
ross
									
Oh, I like your reaction.
carrie
									
Aw, yay! Oh, so happy. [Audience applauds.]
ross
									
I didn’t hurt anybody.
carrie
									
I don’t know how to throw bumper stickers.
ross
									
Let—you know what? After the show, we’ll stick around, come up, talk to us, and we’ll have some bumper stickers, you know. We’ll give one to each person.
carrie
									
21 of them, or something.
ross
									
Well, that’s it for our show! [Audience cheers.] Thank you!
carrie
									
Thank you!
ross
									
Thank you San Francisco, thank you for coming out on this cold and wet night.
carrie
									
Thank you Cobb’s Comedy Club, thank you Sketchfest.
ross
									
Thank you, San Fransisco Sketchfest.
carrie
									
Thank you Rebecca Watson. Thank you, Earth! Thank you, Rythmia. [Audience cheers and applauds.]
carrie
									
Hoo, what a fun show.
ross
									
That was great. When we were over our time limit, we ran off the stage, we didn’t say goodbye. So, now’s our opportunity to say this show has theme music written by Brian Keith Dalton.
carrie
									
And our administrative manager is Ian Kramer.
ross
									
You can find us on social media, at Facebook.com/onrac.
carrie
									
Or at Twitter, at Twitter.com/ohnopodcast.
ross
									
Or you can find us on Instagram, there’s a hashtag there.
carrie
									
That’s true! #ONRAC
ross
									
Uh, you can support us. We are supported in part by some wonderful sponsors, but we’re really supported by our listeners who really make this possible. So if you wanna become part of that team, go to MaximumFun.org/donate. Uh, but very soon is coming our Maximum Fun Drive!
carrie
									
That’s right! Can’t tell you when, it’s a secret.
ross
									
So keep an ear out for that, that would be a really good time to support us.
carrie
									
Oh yeah. Oh yeah, oh baby, yeah.
ross
									
Oh yeah.
carrie
									
And remember, in the words of Mystery Spot’s Lily:
clip
									
Lily: You guys, what’s happening in the center of the Mystery Spot, is exerting a force that is pushing down abracadabra, you guys. It’s pushing down on the billiard ball, forcing it out of the cabin. Let’s see if it does a good roll, and hope it works this time. Yes! It worked! 
music
									
ONRAC Theme Song
promo
									
Music: Gentle, upbeat piano music. Helen Hong: Hey, J. Keith. J. Keith van Straaten: Hey, Helen! I hear you have a true/false quiz you want me to finish! Helen: I do! Here we begin: We host a trivia gameshow podcast on the MaxFun network called... Go Fact Yourself! J. Keith: True! Helen: Correct! The show is all about celebrity guests answering trivia questions about things J. Keith enjoys. J. Keith: False. We sometimes don't talk about baseball or cats. Helen: Thank god. It's questions about things they enjoy! Next, we bring on surprise experts every episode. J. Keith: True! Helen: Correct! Final question: It's just the two of us sitting alone with these guests. J. Keith: False. Helen: Correct! We have a live audience at the Angel City Brewery! [Audience cheers and claps.] Helen: See? [A bell dings.] Helen: You can hear Go Fact Yourself every first and third Friday of the month, and if you don't listen, you can go fact yourself! J. Keith: True! [Music finishes.]
speaker 1
									
MaximumFun.org.
speaker 2
									
Comedy and culture.
speaker 3
									
Artist owned—
speaker 4
									
—Audience supported.
About the show

Welcome to Oh No, Ross and Carrie!, the show where we don’t just report on fringe science, spirituality, and claims of the paranormal, but take part ourselves. Follow us as we join religions, undergo alternative treatments, seek out the paranormal, and always find the humor in life’s biggest mysteries. We show up – so you don’t have to. Every week we share a new investigation, interview, or update.
Follow @ohnopodcast on Twitter and join the Facebook group!