TRANSCRIPT Ross and Carrie Become Conscious Part 3

Transcript

music
									
“Oh No, Ross and Carrie! Theme Song” by Brian Keith Dalton. A jaunty, upbeat instrumental.
carrie
									
Hellooo! Welcome to Oh No, Ross and Carrie! The show where we don’t just report on fringe science, spirituality, and claims of the paranormal—no [makes tsk-ing noise], we take part ourselves!
ross
									
Yup! When they makes the claims, we show up so you don’t have to. I’m Ross Blocher.
carrie
									
And I’m Carrie Poppy! And we are back at the Conscious Life Expoooo!
ross
									
Yes!
carrie
									
[Cheering] Wooo!
ross
									
There’s so much stuff going on at the Conscious Life Expo! In Los Angeles! Happens every year! In February! At the LAX Hilton!
carrie
									
It has for the last… 18 years? 16 years? 18 years.
ross
									
I think this was the 18th year!
carrie
									
18 years. 18 long years.
ross
									
Wild.
carrie
									
Someone could get born and become an adult in all that time.
ross
									
Finally we got to go, and even with the little amount of time we spent there—I say “little.” You spent more time there than I did. We got to see a lot of stuff.
carrie
									
Oh. I rarely have this much, just, immersive fun.
ross
									
Yeah!
carrie
									
It was great.
ross
									
So this will have to be our regular thing. Unless they set people out front to identify us and turn us away. [Carrie laughs.]
crosstalk
									
Ross: Or they don’t let us by tickets. Carrie: Which they shouldn’t! We liked it!
ross
									
Yeah!
carrie
									
Yeah!
ross
									
That’s right! So let’s tell you more about what happened!
carrie
									
So if you’re just joining us for the first time, you should go back two episodes to start at the beginning of this investigation.
ross
									
If you’re into the whole “chronology” thing.
carrie
									
Okay. Well—I’ll tell you a little bit more about some [over-enunciates] booths.
ross
									
Please [overenunciates] dooo-ths.
carrie
									
Okay! Very good. So yeah. While I was still downstairs on that bottom basement level—
ross
									
Yeah. I haven’t been there yet at this point. You were being overwhelmed.
carrie
									
Oh my goodness. Yeah. I—
ross
									
Yeah. There is nothing “whelming” about this expo.
carrie
									
[Through laughter] You’re right.
crosstalk
									
Ross: It’s definitely overwhelming. Carrie: It is overwhelming. [Laughs.]
carrie
									
I forgot to tell you a little bit more about the water smacker that that guy was selling?
ross
									
Oh, yeah! The water smacker. That’s a great title.
carrie
									
So… the water smacker cleans up blood plaque, lowers blood pressure—
ross
									
Mm-hm.
carrie
									
—rebuilt a drunk’s liver.
ross
									
One drunk?
carrie
									
I guess so.
ross
									
Mm-kay.
carrie
									
Colon cancer cured. I realize the lack of parallelism, but this is how it was written out.
ross
									
Okay. Yeah. There’s no verb agreement or…
carrie
									
Mm-hm.
ross
									
Consistent tense.
carrie
									
Correct. Water weight was lost. [Ross laughs.]
ross
									
Very passive way to say that, but okay.
carrie
									
Also equally impressive to colon cancer cured, in my opinion. [Ross laughs.] Skin collagen came back. Fibromyalgia muscle pain gone.
ross
									
Mm-kay.
carrie
									
And blood clot pain gone away. Which—now that I think about it, you should make sure the blood clot’s gone at that point.
ross
									
Actually gone away.
carrie
									
Yeah.
ross
									
Not just the pain.
carrie ross
									
Okay. Then there was also Judy Jewett. She was giving readings for conscious women, which you pointed out is better than giving them to unconscious women.

									
[Through laughter] Indeed.
crosstalk
									
Carrie: As you’re just gonna get no money out of that. Ross: It’s not gonna be helpful.
ross
									
Wait. Can I ask about the water slapper? What is it? Is it a device?
carrie
									
It seems like it was just a water purifying thing you ask to your existing water system?
ross
									
Oh, okay. So you plug it in somewhere… between some pipes and…
crosstalk
									
Ross: —it filters things and slaps the water. Carrie: I think so.
carrie
									
Yeah. This is the exact sort of thing that doesn’t catch my eye and I’m like, oh, yes. That would’ve caught Ross’s eye. And I would’ve been like, good. Ross is on that.
ross
									
Maybe I took a photo of it. I’ll look through later. So, uh, conscious women.
carrie
									
Yes. Judy Jewett. She empowers conscious women to balance their relationships and career. So when I got home I went to her website—or maybe she sent me an email. I think I signed up for her list. And ended up going to her website. And it said she would give you a free reading; a free ten-minute reading. So I clicked on the link for that. Link was broken. Wrote her back, said, oh, just FYI this link’s broken. She said—no problem. Just fill out this form. She sent me a form. It was a .pdf. I like wrote on the .pdf. You know.
crosstalk
									
Ross: Not easy to do, but you can do it. Carrie: And then sent.
carrie
									
But you can do it. Sent it back. And she’s like—I can’t open. I can’t see it. What did you do? [Laughs.] [Ross laughs.] Just like—you know what?
ross
									
This is worth the effort!
carrie
									
[Through laughter] Just like—I think I’m more conscious than you. I’m just gonna stop.
ross
									
At least that tells you that they’re not using hypnosis! If they’re helping conscious women.
carrie
									
[Laughs.] Touché! Okay! And then there was something called CAP LA? C[] Activation Process?
ross
									
Oh, yeah. That was downstairs. I remember seeing that and I think you sent me a photo of their booth so I didn’t stop by there. What were they all about?
carrie
									
They activate your Kundalini. I saw some people doing it. It looked like some people were sitting and some people were standing and the standing people were holding their hands out over the sitting people. And they were doing that for quite. Some. Time.
ross
									
I think that’s a common theme with this expo. You walk around the show floor and these various booths and there’s very often some sort of one-on-one consultation happening. And it could be any variety. Maybe one person sitting and the other person has their hand, like, waving over their head. Or maybe they’ve got a pendulum that they’re waving over them. Or maybe there’s a lighted device held up to the side of their temple. Or they’re holding hands and they both have their eyes closed. You know, there’s always just these little one-on-ones. Someone signed up to do x. And now it’s being performed.
carrie
									
And depending on how long I’ve been there that day, I do or don’t feel an impulse to walk up to the person paying money and be like, [in confiding tone] you don’t need to do this. [Ross laughs.] You really don’t. This is—this is so—they’re insulting you right now. They’re insulting you. And I’m insulted for you. That doesn’t happen until pretty late in the game.
ross
									
[Through laughter] When Carrie starts losing patience and—
carrie
									
Yeah. At the very, very end of my last day I was like—okay, Carrie. It’s time for you to go. [Both laugh.] Because there was one young woman—this Englishwoman—who was buying a beaded bracelet… that I swear to God should’ve been $2. It was, like, so clearly cheaply made. Like, no weight to it. Just clicking against the plastic. [Ross groans.] Right?
ross
									
Oh, yeah.
carrie
									
Should’ve been two bucks. I was listening in on her conversation with the salesman and he was like—let’s see. This one is—[sighs.] I think it was $285?
ross
									
Oh no!
carrie
									
And he ran through this very quick spiel where he’s like—now just be clear, this doesn’t cure, treat or—but it was like this very quick, clipped—
crosstalk
									
Carrie: —and then he— Ross: Here’s my legal disclaimer. Carrie: Jargon. Yeah.
carrie
									
And then he said, what it does is activate the existing healing power within you. You understand? And she just went along with it. Yeah! I understand. And I just—I was so… just… I wanted to be like—listen! [Laughs.]
ross
									
Do I obey the Prime Directive here or do I step in and save this woman much-needed rent money?
carrie
									
Yeah! ‘Cause—like, that’s just a guy. I’m just a lady! Then she’d at least have to pick!
ross
									
Mm-hm.
carrie
									
[Sighs.] Anyway. Okay. [Deep breath] Who else was down there— [Ross laughs.] On the bottom floor?
carrie
									
There was David Young. Now, this is the only thing I regret not buying there.
ross
									
Oh!
carrie
									
That I should’ve bought this. David Young channels—oh, you know what? Let’s leave this blank for a second.
ross
									
Okay.
carrie
									
David Young channels… someone. And he wrote a book about it where he writes out all of the messages he gets from this person.
crosstalk
									
Carrie: The book is—the book is pretty thick. Ross: Okay. I’m gonna—I’m gonna guess it’s an ancient dolphin.
ross  
									
That’s just— [Carrie laughs.] That’s what I’m putting out there.
carrie
									
Um, close. No, not close at all.
ross
									
An ancient purple dol—awwww.
carrie
									
It is a human.
ross
									
Mm-kay. Typical.
carrie
									
Let’s see. I’m gonna try to narrow it down for you—
crosstalk
									
Carrie: —so you really can guess. No. It’s a—it’s a confirmed real human. Ross: An Atlantean? Lemurians? Ancient, though.
ross
									
Oh! Okay.
carrie
									
Alive in the last, let’s say, 200 years.
ross
									
Historical figure. Okay. 200 years, so…
carrie
									
Male. Okay. That’s all you get.
ross
									
Okay. So would’ve lived in the—maybe—late 1700s/early 1800s. So maybe a Revolutionary figure?
carrie
									
I mean, well, the last 200 years. I’m not saying 200 years ago.
ross
									
Oh! Oh, I see. Okay. But within the last—okay. Was this person prominent in America?
carrie
									
Mm-hm!
ross
									
Okay. It’s a male. Harry Houdini.
carrie
									
Oh! That’s a good one. George Harrison.
ross
									
Oh! Okay!
carrie
									
So…
ross
									
The Beatle!
carrie
									
Yep. The Beatle. So David Young channels George Harrison. Gets many messages from him. And if you open his book, Channeling Harrison—I was like, what does George Harrison have to say? Almost every single one was just George Harrison analyzing a Beatles song?
ross
									
Okay. [Laughs.] And giving you the meaning of “While My Guitar Gently Weeps”?
carrie
									
Right.
ross
									
Okay. I feel like I would’ve come up to him and tried to have some fun asking about William Henry Harrison. Like, he had a very short tenure as the president! [Carrie laughs.]
carrie
									
‘Cause he insisted on doing that parade!
crosstalk
									
Carrie: And then got sick! Ross: No, it’s not— [Laughs.]
ross
									
It’s not William Henry. Oh! Is it Benjamin Harrison, then? Oh, my mistake! [Carrie laughs.] Interesting.
carrie
									
The Harrison Ford? Yeah. So then he also had… a book… called The True Story of Jesus and His Wife, Mary Magdalena. I think you would’ve really liked this one. The subtitle was: Their Untold Truth through Art and Evidential Channeling. And then by David Young. And under his name it said, this book is not about religion and I am not a Christian.
ross
									
It would be fun to kind of, uh, compare and contrast his account with the one written by Doug Batchelor? That I read—
carrie
									
Ohhh! Yeah, okay.
ross
									
During the, uh, amazing facts investigation. ‘Cause he also treated it like he had had this vision of Mary Magdalene’s life.
carrie
									
Oh, wow!
ross
									
Which I took scriptural exception to. So it would be fun, like, both of them having equal claim to the knowledge of the correct happening there.
carrie
									
Wow! I didn’t even remember that Doug Batchelor was, like… sort of portraying himself as a prophet that way. But yeah, I think you would’ve really liked this book. It was very densely illustrated. Very pretty. And I opened to a random page and it mentioned Parmahansa Yogananda?
ross
									
Ohh!
carrie
									
Yeah. I know. So—
ross
									
So you’re saying you wish you had bought that.
carrie
									
No. I wish I had bought the George Harrison one. But I think you woulda liked that one.
ross
									
Yeah? Sounds very interesting.
carrie
									
You should get that and the water slapper. [Through laughter] Oh yeah! Okay. Then there was this sign that said, uh, go to booth 452—Lay’s there! And Lay was described as a psychic woman who is the winner of the award of the Best Psychic of 2005 and the Best Pet Psychic of 2007 from the Houston Press. I just want to know what happened in 2006.
ross
									
That was a rough year for Lay.
carrie
									
Yeah. Really dropped the ball in 2006. [Ross laughs.] Um, then I saw a guy who had a Bernie Sanders sticker on his back? And a Tulsi Gabbard pin on his head.
ross
									
I’m getting mixed messages.
carrie
									
Yeah. Who—who are you? What—what are your things? Talk to me. But I didn’t talk to him.
ross
									
My, uh, trial doctor the other day was saying that he liked Tulsi Gabbard and he wasn’t sure why she wasn’t doing so well.
carrie
									
Oh!
ross
									
And then he paused and he said, I guess I know why. [Both laugh.]
carrie
									
So then my next thing was a talk. What were you up to at this point?
ross
									
So I was still upstairs seeing how much I could do without getting my wristband just yet. I wasn’t purposefully testing the system. Just—there was so much and no one was really stopping me except that one lady who said, like, “Don’t walk down this hallway! Where’s your wristband?” So, uh, on the other side of where I had seen [deep voice] Jimmy Church [regular voice] and Michael Lees and some of these other booths, up on the second floor—on the other side they had—it seemed like there was almost a sub-conference just for Spanish speakers.
carrie
									
Mm-hm!
ross
									
And there were, uh, Mayan astrology readings. Uh, which was interesting ‘cause they had this sign and it had affixed to it this, like, angel’s wings? Sometimes you see them sort of built with white feathers but this one was built with maybe crow’s feathers or something like that? It was pretty cool. And I noticed there was a sign attached to it that was talking about how they had ceremonies that used cacao, rappe—
carrie
									
Oh, okay.
ross
									
But they didn’t spell it the way it’s spelled.
carrie
									
Uh-oh!
ross
									
I double-checked this. You know. Rapé with an accent over the e. They put two p’s, I think, just—just to clarify so people aren’t—what is this in your ceremonies?!
carrie
									
So “rapé” is the stuff that we both tried at Rhythmia—
crosstalk
									
Ross: Oh, that’s right. Carrie: —in 2018.
ross
									
I’m just assuming people remember that from so long ago.
carrie
									
It’s something akin to tobacco? But not tobacco. Maybe partly tobacco. Anyway. They blow it up your nose and you’re high for, like, five minutes tops. And it hurts your head super bad. But is very holy somehow.
ross 
									
There was a… booth called “Healing for this Century”? That was just particularly interesting. They had two beds laid out with people lying on them in opposite directions, covered up in a blanket. Each one was being ministered to by one of the practitioners. And it very much looked like Reiki energy healing, People would be kind of running their hands just above peoples’ bodies as if they were playing them like a theremin. And— [Carrie laughs.] —the far station, uh, had this rack. That had a bunch of crystals hanging down from it?
carrie
									
Okay.
ross
									
And they were, uh, lit from above.
carrie
									
Ah! Okay.
crosstalk
									
Carrie: I’ve seen this setup. Ross: With, I assume—
ross
									
LEDs of different colors so, y’know, they’re activating the kundalini—you know, it just looked very, well, pseudoscientific! You had this kind of scientific-looking apparatus, but… you know, colored crystals. And there was a—a woman—I don’t know. Fiddling with that machine and also using a pendulum that she was waving over the person. So it looked pretty fantastic and uh—
carrie
									
I’m sure they got a lot done.
ross
									
[Laughs.] Right. I couldn’t see what the cost of that was. I’d be curious to know.
carrie
									
Was this still within the Spanish-speaking area?
ross
									
Hold on, I wanna look at their website. Oh, sure enough! HealingForThisCentury.com—Reiki energy healing, training, and healing services. Oh! The next class is on October 26, 2019!
crosstalk
									
Carrie: Oh! Okay! Great! Oh, we’ll do that right after— Ross: Let’s go!
carrie
									
—our time-traveling class. [Laughs.]
ross
									
[Through laughter] Exactly. What do we want? When do we want it? That’s irrelevant! [Carrie laughs.] Oh, their Reiki level one training workshop is $350!
carrie
									
Reiki level one, $350?
ross
									
You already have reiki training.
carrie
									
Yeah. No big deal. [Clears throat.]
ross
									
But for me, maybe I’ll need to do that. Anyway. So I saw a bunch of fun displays there. And eventually I decided, okay! Time to actually get my… wristband. So I went downstairs, stood in the little line. And there’s many ways that you can upgrade and buy extra workshops. But—I’m just picking up my badge. Thank you very much.
carrie
									
You’re welcome!
ross
									
So then I made my way over to the show floor! And I think you’d’ already told me, like, “It’s a madhouse down here!” [Carrie laughs.] [Through laughter] “I’m overwhelmed! I don’t even know what’s going on, there’s so much!” So I wanted to see this! So I just passed that setup booth. The first thing I saw was the Starfire Water booth and it didn’t really register with me that behind it, there was this giant sign—and people pointed this out when I posted the photo—
carrie
									
Mm-hm.
ross
									
Of the Starfire booth. People said, whoa, whoa, whoa. What’s this Yoniverse thing? Behind their heads? Does “yoni” mean what I think it means?
carrie
									
Right. Usually a word for vagina?
ross
									
I had never heard that!
carrie
									
Okay.
ross
									
Somehow we both missed this giant sign— [Carrie laughs.] —behind them that said, “Starfire Water.” And it’s understandable that we’d be distracted because we’ve told you what those bottles say. And there were pyramids and gold things and all kinds of colorful things, too.
carrie
									
There was caps with sequins on them.
ross
									
Indeed.
carrie
									
Yeah. This is the only environment in which you could miss this sign that’s, what, four feet tall by eight feet wide that says “Yoniverse”?
ross
									
[Through laughter] Yeah. Starfire Water on the start, Yoniverse on the bottom. So here! I’ll read this, uh, as best I can from this photo. “I’m only asking you to come into my home with respect. To serve you, I do not need your devotion—"
carrie
									
Wow.
ross
									
“But your sincerity, nor your beliefs, but your thirst for knowledge. Enter with your vices; your fears; and your hatreds from the greatest to the smallest, I can help you dissolve them. You can look at me and love me as a female; as a mother; as a daughter; as a sister; as a friend.”
carrie
									
Now this company is owned by a man, right?
ross
									
Yep. “But never look at me as an authority above yourself. If your devotion to any… is greater than your devotion to the… within you, you offend both of them and offend the One.”
carrie
									
Okay.
ross
									
That makes a lot of sense, huh?
carrie
									
Yeah, yeah, yeah. That changed my life.
ross
									
Yeah! So—
carrie
									
The ellipsis within me— [Ross laughs.]
crosstalk
									
Carrie: —is better than other things. Ross: That’s a really bad quote pull.
ross
									
Especially if you’re gonna pay, y’know, that’s, uh, probably a couple hundred dollars to print out this giant, full-color sign. You think you’d want it to make sense.
carrie
									
Yeah. That’s much more gobbledygook than “Service is the jewel and the rock of attainment.”
ross
									
[Laughs.] Indeed. So apparently the Yoniverse was created by Elise and Bonnie? [Carrie laughs.] The co-creators of the Yoniverse?
carrie
									
Okay.
ross
									
So, uh, I guess they’ve just somehow teamed up with the water company? I don’t know.
carrie
									
I love that the universe was created by, like, Yahweh. God. The Yoniverse was created by Bonnie.
ross
									
But hey! We’re all about people having enjoyable sex lives. So.
crosstalk
									
Carrie: Sure. I’m not— Ross: Good on you.
carrie
									
I want you never to have sex. [Threatening whisper] Never.
ross
									
So that was one of my first booths that I stopped by. The next thing I saw was the Taopatch. T-A-O and “patch.” All one word, crammed together. This looked very… well, intriguing to me.
carrie
									
Okay. I’m listening.
ross
									
So they had the stand-up board in the back that had the sign with a dramatic picture of someone doing, y’know, some extreme stretching balancing exercise. And it says: Nanotechnology! Plus light therapy! Plus acupuncture! Taopatch converts body heat into light—which it sends into specific acupuncture points with immediate health benefits.
carrie
									
Okay. Wait. Sorry. Okay. Body heat into… light.
ross
									
Yes.
carrie
									
I would notice that happening, but okay. Back into acupressure points—
ross
									
Mm-hm.
carrie
									
That do what?
ross
									
That have immediate health benefits.
carrie
									
Okay!
ross
									
Okay.
carrie
									
That seems easy to test. Just, like… put it by your body heat and see if it lights up!
ross
									
First bullet point proven by several double-blind studies.
carrie
									
Oh shit! Great!
ross
									
Yeah. Yeah. So, uh, I was definitely intrigued. I’d seen “double-blind,” I’d seen “acupressure”—a lot going on here. They had little diagrams of the body where, y’know, half the body is skeleton, half of it is musculature. Hey, wow! They know things about the body! They’ve got these pictures up! I stopped by to ask what was going on? Guy named Dimitri came over to help me out and he told me yeah, sure enough, this is a nanodevice! And he said it’s a piece of plastic—
carrie
									
That means ‘small.’
ross
									
But it has nanocrystals.
carrie
									
Oh, shit. So like—table salt? Or—
ross
									
[Laughs.] I guess so. Just very tiny—
carrie
									
Very tiny crystals.
ross
									
Crystals etched into the plastic?
carrie
									
Okay.
ross
									
Embedded? I don’t know.
carrie
									
I might have, like, a plastic fork with these properties
ross
									
Mm-hm. Indeed. And he explained just as the sign did that they would attach this to important parts of the body and you could put ‘em in multiple places, these various acupressure points. And it looks like you buy it as a set that comes with a lot of these little plastic devices.
carrie
									
Okay.
ross
									
They don’t self-adhere, or at least the ones that he was using he was putting on me with kind of medical tape.
crosstalk
									
Carrie: Huh! Oh, okay. Ross: Like a see-through tape.
ross
									
Yeah, which seemed like a lot of work to cut off tape and adhere each of these nanodevices.
carrie
									
So was he doing it on you?
ross
									
Yeah! He—
carrie
									
Ooooh!
ross
									
He asked if I wanted to try ‘em, I said yeah, let’s do it!
carrie
									
Yeah!
ross
									
So he put one right at the base of my neck, essentially.
carrie
									
Place you’d hate to be poked?
ross
									
Yeah. That’d be a bad place to be poked. Never thought of that. Now that you say it.
carrie
									
Don’t get poked there.
ross
									
Don’t poke me there.
carrie
									
Don’t do it.
ross
									
He put the second one on the back of my neck—
carrie
									
Gotta complete the circuit.
ross
									
Kind of a little higher, right? And he said CV-17—I had to look that up. But that’s an acupuncture point between the nipples. So I’m guessing he was just mentioning that as another place where they put them while he was putting it on my neck? Because that’s not where he was putting that. So either he was confused or I was confused. And more likely I was confused at that point. The idea was to align them with meridians. Chakra points. Yeah. So the idea is that it captures your body heat.
carrie
									
Okay.
ross
									
And then it converts it into light. And he said they glow in the dark. I did not get an opportunity to test that. Probably put a little bit of, y’know, luminescent paint on it and people go, wow, look at that!
carrie
									
Perhaps. Perhaps.
ross
									
Perhaps.
carrie
									
Oh, we should get some! Are these for sale on the internet?
ross
									
[Through laughter] Yes, they are! So—
carrie
									
Uh-oh.
ross
									
Yeah. I’ll tell you how much they cost in just a bit.
carrie
									
Okay. [Laughs.]
ross
									
So you may wonder—how does this work? They activate the central nervous system and that alerts your proprietors. And I—
carrie
									
I’m sorry?
ross
									
That’s what the website says and I’m pretty sure that’s what he said. So…
carrie
									
So I’m an LLC.
ross
									
Right. So I said—oh, like your proprioception? Knowing where your—your limbs are? And he said exactly! It gives you greater strength.
carrie
									
Oh.
ross
									
Greater balance. So this is kind of your typical…
carrie
									
Okay.
ross
									
Claim that you get around some other holodevices and… magnet copper-based devices that we’ve seen that it kind of immediately improves your… athletic performance. Your balance. Your—Your endurance. These are the kind of claims they were making.
carrie
									
Okay.
ross
									
So he also said that Manchester United? The, uh, the soccer team? Or football team. Uses it. And he said we’re not allowed to say that in public, but. [Carrie laughs.] There ya go. [Carrie laughs.]
crosstalk
									
Ross: He said it. He said it, Manchester United. He told me. Carrie: You just did. You just did.
carrie
									
I bet there’s a good reason he’s not supposed to say that in public. [Ross laughs.]
ross
									
Right. The Manchester United might tell a different story! There were different ones on the table. Different colored boxes. And—I don’t know. They look like cold medications, if I was just glancing at the boxes. But you have your standard Taopatch that’s, like, a start kit. And that’s got the orange picture on the side. And then there’s an emotion Taopatch?
carrie
									
Okay.
ross
									
The one looks like a nighttime medication but that’s the sport Taopatch.
carrie
									
Can I see a pic?
ross
									
Yes, you may!
carrie
									
Oh! Oh wow. Yeah. That—those look like pharmaceuticals.
ross
									
And finally the pro Taopatch. So I was like, whoa. What makes that one pro? And he said, oh, that one has three layers. Three layers of nanocrystals, I presume. And I said oh, is that one like three times as effective? He said, oh, probably even more.
crosstalk
									
Ross: It covers— Carrie: Exponential!
ross
									
It covers like a greater frequency.
carrie
									
Oh my gosh. That’s important.
ross
									
Greater frequency, Carrie!
carrie
									
And then you really feel your body in space and time.
ross
									
Mm-hm.
carrie
									
Mm-hm.
ross
									
He—absolutely. So why was he taping these to me? Well he had a little test—
crosstalk
									
Ross: —to show me— Carrie: because you stopped.
ross
									
[Laughs.] Well, yes. That—that first. And he wanted to test me. I had seen them doing this test on other people, which is probably why I stopped at the booth. But they had a particularly interesting device for it. So they wanted me to stand on one foot—
carrie
									
Oh! Yep!
ross
									
And put my arms out to—to the side in a T pose. And they were going to do some…
crosstalk
									
Carrie and Ross: —applied kinesiology!
ross
									
They didn’t call it that, but we have seen that before. We have talked about it on the show. The Contact in the Desert investigation; at a reflexology investigation.
carrie
									
Yeah.
crosstalk
									
Ross: Probably elsewhere. Carrie: Probably more things. [Ross laughs.]
carrie
									
But all you need to know is, it’s an easy trick to do to convince someone that they’re receiving a treatment when they’re not.
ross
									
And it’s also a little bit of a red flag. Lets you know—oh. They’re aware of what they’re doing. Because its’ something that you consciously have to manipulate.
carrie
									
Yeah. You have to know the trick and do it.
ross
									
So this is interesting. There was this device that had a rotary face that looked like a watch face or something with a hand. And that hand would move as you held onto a little bar attached to the top of it? So you could pull down on one side and then it would measure the amount of force being applied.
carrie
									
Okay.
ross
									
On you.
carrie
									
So it’s like the 50-cent machines where you, like, you grip something and then it’s like, you’re red hot!
ross
									
Yeah! Exactly. And so what you do is you hold on to this device and then the guy comes next to you and he says, okay. I’m gonna pull down really hard and it’ll give you, like, a pound measurement. Oh, look! I applied 50 pounds and that knocked you off balance! Then he gives me the nanodevice. Tapes it to me. Pulls down again—oh, look! 80—you’re maxed out! See, you’re still standing! [Carrie laughs.] So the trick is—if you pull down at ever-so-slightly away from one’s—
crosstalk
									
Ross: —core balance—yeah. Carrie: Center of gravity.
ross
									
That will just throw you off no matter how massive or muscly you are. It’s just a simple physics thing. You can’t really stay standing. So they do that the first time to throw you off your balance and then the second time they pull more directly down. Ever so slightly different. And that way you can stand sturdy as a rock. So he did it to my other side—wow, look at that! Isn’t that amazing? Boy that’s something. Uh, so—
carrie
									
You know what I’ve never thought to do? I don’t know if I’d have the guts, but maybe. Is be like—cool! Can I try doing it on you? [Ross laughs.]
ross
									
That would be fun. If someone dared me, I’d do it. So. We’ll have to dare each other or something.
carrie
									
Yeah. I’ll have to think about how that should play out, each step, but I’d do it.
ross
									
Just to see, uh, what evasion comes? [Carrie laughs.]
carrie
									
Mm-hm!
ross
									
Yeah. So they told me about these double-blind studies and I went to the website and—much like we’ve discussed recently—most of those studies were for something unrelated. You know. Talking about how with nanotechnology devices, you can… make positive changes to somebody’s performance. Y’know. Okay. Well, we’re talking about something different. But there was one that was specifically about this device. It mentioned Taopatch. And it was in Italian. But I did enough translation to see that it was about, uh, someone doing, like, a dentist, uh, just operating on someone’s teeth? And when they wore the Taopatch, they felt slightly less pain after.
carrie
									
Aw.
ross
									
The oral procedure.
carrie
									
That doesn’t sound even single-blinded. [Ross laughs.]
ross
									
I would take that one with a grain of nanocrystal.
carrie
									
Mm-hm. Mm-hm. [Laughs.]
ross
									
Uh, so.
carrie
									
So precious.
ross
									
So, Carrie. How much do you think you could get one of these amazing boxes of Taopatches for?
carrie
									
How many are in it?
ross
									
That’s a good question. They had a—uh—like, a plugged-in USB box that had a grid of… 20 of them in there.
carrie
									
Wait—why do you have to plug ‘em in?
ross
									
Well, just ‘cause they wanted their box to glow with a cool purple glow.
carrie
									
[Laughs.] Oh, I see. Okay.
ross
									
I don’t think the normal ones you get. So I’m guessing there’s like 20 in there. And they’re supposed to last for… two years. And then he told me, actually, they last 2.5 years? But we tell everyone to change ‘em after two years.
carrie
									
Just to be safe.
ross
									
Mm-hm. [Laughs.] How much would you pay for that?
carrie
									
How much would you pay for that? I would pay… $80.
ross
									
Oh! Okay. Normally? $235—
carrie
									
Ooh! Okay. But for me—
ross
									
At the conference—
carrie
									
Uh-huh?
ross
									
Only $199.
carrie
									
Oh, shit!
ross
									
So I said—
carrie
									
Still way too much.
ross
									
Well, thank you, Dimitri. Uh, let me think about that! [Carrie laughs.] I thought about it and I wandered away and I just kept wandering away. [Carrie laughs.]
carrie
									
You know, I don’t think I got to tell you in our first episode that I also received applied kinesiology from our friend with the X-39? I think that’s what they’re called? The patch that completes the circuit— [Ross laughs.] —which was shorted?
ross
									
Okay. Yeah.
carrie
									
Yeah. She also gave me applied kinesiology.
ross
									
Cool!
carrie
									
Then to, like, demonstrate how it worked she did the whole—think of something stressful. Okay. Now think of something nice. And when I thought of something stressful she could pull me down really easily.
crosstalk
									
Ross: Mm. Mm-hm. Oh! Carrie: Think of something nice—
carrie
									
—I would stand still. So I just flipped it. This is always been test, like, okay, I’ll just flip it. Every time you tell me to think of something bad I’ll think of my dog.
ross
									
Right. [Laughs.]
carrie
									
Or something good, I’ll think of Trump. You know.
ross
									
Oh wow. It’s still doing exactly—
crosstalk
									
Carrie and Ross: What you— Carrie: —think. Ross: —thought it would do. [Both laugh.]
ross
									
So I think it’s time to unveil my big plan for next year. I was telling Carrie—I would love for us to buy a booth at this conference and maybe we do, like, applied kinesiology tests and then we explain how they’re done? Or we just—
carrie
									
No, yeah, yeah!
ross
									
We put up an ad for our podcast or we just explain a bunch of things.
carrie
									
Maybe, I guess, we’ll see during MaxFun Drive [high-pitched, hinting voice] if, uh, this becomes some sort of a goal that people could go toward! I don’t know. Our booth’s sashaying from side to side like people with a secret, even though we just said the secret! [Both laugh.] Hoo boy!
ross
									
Stay tuned for MaxFun Drive! That’s very—I like where your head’s at. So my next stop was at a booth that was right next to the entrance to the show floor. That was very arresting. It definitely catches your attention. Because—well, first of all, it’s called Eye Pyramids. And you have—
carrie
									
Ah, yes.
ross
									
—three chairs under a pyramid and a woman dressed as—I would presume, Cleopatra—some sort of Egyptian royalty. And she’s got this giant gold headdress and she’s a beautiful woman. And she’s talking to other people and they are sitting under this capstone at the top of this kind of gold pyramid. It’s just the, uh, struts. That are creating the shape of the pyramid.
crosstalk
									
Ross: That are gold. It’s not— Carrie: Mm. No walls?
ross
									
Yeah. Exactly. But at the top there’s this capstone that is, uh, lit with an LED light that’s changing colors all the time.
carrie
									
Ooh, that’s important.
ross
									
So you can’t not stop there.
carrie
									
No, no, no.
ross
									
And just gawk.
carrie
									
I know that Eye Pyramids is the same company that made the pyramid I was telling you about that sends the sound into the pyramid and then only the pyramid hears it. Then it heals you with its pendulum?
ross
									
Yeah, Yeah!
carrie
									
Yeah.
ross
									
Oh, was that the same one then?
carrie
									
I think you went to a different part of the booth and probably saw something different. But I think it’s the same company.
ross
									
Gotcha. Okay. So that was the very large pyramid. But then they had various assorted pyramids around. And I stopped at the booth that seemed to be part of this whole display. And there you could buy—this reminded me a lot of that chemtrail couple that was selling the chemtrail absorbers-slash-disruptors?
carrie
									
Uh, at, uh, Contact in the Desert?
ross
									
Yes.
carrie
									
Yes!
crosstalk
									
Ross: They were making—very good, yes. Carrie: Orgon Energy Pyramid. Things.
ross
									
And they were making those out of kind of cast resin that had spirals made of copper inside of them or whatever the material was. And it—they were very pretty. And this was very similar, where they had a bunch of pyramids that were made out of this material and you had swirls of metal and crystal and floating glitter inside of them. They looked really cool! And they also had a number of Taurus shapes. We’ve learned about the importance of the Taurus from our Thrive video that we watched and did our commentary track on.
carrie
									
The worst movie. [Ross laughs.]
ross
									
The worst movie. But there was a guy sitting right behind there and, y’know, when you see a guy at a booth you have to stop and talk to him a little bit. [Carrie laughs.]
carrie
									
Or you’re never gonna get out of here!
ross
									
Right. I’m standing there observing his wares. And so he said—oh, yeah, yeah! I—I’m just getting started on this. I didn’t make these ones, but I did make those ones over there. And so over to the left, there’s this collection of… feet.
carrie
									
Oh, you must’ve been talking to Ossen.
ross
									
Oh, is that his name?
carrie
									
Yep. Mm-hm. Ossen makes those.
ross
									
Oh, nice. Okay. Yeah. And he had, uh, very long, kind of, uh, muttonchops?
carrie
									
Yeah. Ossen Elfchild? Uh-huh.
ross
									
Oh, his last name is Elfchild?
carrie
									
Mm-hm!
ross
									
Oof! I’m glad you talked to him. I did not get that piece of info. But he was, uh, very proud of these foot molds that he’d filled in. These feet have—what is it, one big toe and then—two, three, four, five, six toes total. He’s filled them with resin and various colorful odds and ends. Wires that are looped around, etc. So that was fun.
carrie
									
Yeah. They’re pretty cool. I asked him how much those were. That I—they were too expensive. They were cool, though. I woulda been tempted if it was, like, $30?
ross
									
Oh, yeah.
carrie
									
But I think it was like, over $100.
ross
									
I think you’re right, yeah. I think they listed some of that. And yeah, those things are probably really pricey to make!
carrie
									
Yeah?
ross
									
And then there’s always a markup.
carrie
									
Is resin expensive?
ross
									
Yeah, I think so. Just to, like, set all of that and get that material. Yeah.
carrie
									
Alright. Fair enough.
ross
									
That’s my guess. I could be wrong. Maybe someone will tell us if it’s $5.
carrie
									
Ossen, if you’re listening, we wanna hear about the process.
ross
									
Looked pretty fancy to me. So I started making my way along the floor and I went over to the far left wall. And I’ll tell you about my encounter there. But, uh, I want to hear what you were up to!
carrie
									
Mmmm. That’s, uh, quite a cliffhanger! Okay. Well, I want to tell you what I was up to; but while we’re on the subject of feet—
ross
									
Mm-hm. Yes.
carrie
									
If you have feet, I have a product for you.
ross
									
Yeah? Even if I have six toes?
carrie
									
Maybe. [Ross laughs.] Probably? I don’t know.
ross
									
Well I have five toes, so.
carrie
									
Okay. You should be okay.
ross
									
Alright.
carrie
									
But there might be room in these! They’re a pretty comfortable shoe. We’re talking… Rothy’s.
ross
									
Ooh! The stylish, sustainable shoes made for life on the go?
carrie
									
Exactly. They’re carefully crafted from repurposed plastic water bottles. They’re chic. They’re stylish. They’re fully machine-washable. Best of all, they’re incredibly comfortable. They have zero break-in, and they have a seamlessly knit design! So they’re super comfortable right out of the box. I have a pair. I freaking love them.
ross
									
Plus, uh, Rothy’s always comes with free shipping, free returns, and free exchanges! You’ll quickly discover why Buzzfeed called them their “forever shoes.”
carrie
									
Rothy’s are available in a wide array of colors and patterns. Yeah. I really, really like my Rothy’s shoes. They’re green and they have like a starburst design on them? In gold?
ross
									
Nice.
carrie
									
Kinda reminds me of Brazil.
ross
									
I think Cara’s Rothy shoes are her, just, go-to shoes!
carrie
									
Oh, there ya go!
ross
									
I’d say they’re the ones she wears most often.
carrie
									
Nice. And how many toes we working with there?
ross
									
Five.
carrie
									
Okay.
ross
									
On each foot.
crosstalk
									
Carrie: On each foot. Okay. Ross: Ten total. Wanna be—
ross
									
Wanna be clear, here.
carrie
									
Right. Right. But honestly, they’re so comfy. If you had to squeeze in an extra one—I think you could! They’re flexible.
ross
									
So find your perfect pair at Rothys.com/ohno. That’s R-O-T-H-Y-S-.com/ohno! But hey—I know you’re always on the go. You’re walking around in your Rothy’s shoes.
carrie
									
I am.
ross
									
But we all need a break every now and then. [Carrie sighs.] We’re busy people.
carrie
									
Don’t even get me started.
ross
									
We’re going to conferences. We’re getting things done. We’re working multiple jobs. But—
carrie
									
We’re recording this podcast.
ross
									
But every now and then? Y’know, you just gotta chill. And—
carrie
									
Yeah! Absolutely.
ross
									
And why not keep your brain active while you relax?
carrie
									
I like to keep my brain active while I relax! I like to read. I like to watch something stimulating while I knit.
ross
									
Yeah! Now—that’s interesting. I—we talk about reading a lot on the show and I do find reading, like, one of those activities that is relaxing. To be absorbing information in that way. But you know what? Sometimes if I’m watching a movie or I just wanna sit around in bed and listen to a podcast? I like to play a game called Best Fiends!
carrie
									
Oh, Best Fiends! I’ve heard of that.
ross
									
Yeah! I’m now in [through laughter] the 800s of the levels. Which means I’ve spent a lot of time playing this game. [Carrie laughs.] Because oftentimes I’ve played the level multiple times to get through it. ‘Cause it’s a—it’s a strategy game. It’s al little puzzle game with lots of, uh, cute characters that you collect. To help defeat the slugs who are oppressing these cute little characters. But it’s okay. The slugs aren’t killed. They’re just— [Carrie makes “phew!” noise.] They’re just defeated.
carrie
									
Animals were not harmed in the making of this game.
ross
									
No animals are harmed. Even these cartoon ones. Anyway. [Laughs.] It’s a lot of fun. And there’s all kinds of things to achieve and pursue and complete. You move through this very colorful, exciting world and different parts of it as you, uh, complete the levels and upgrade your characters. It’s pretty fun.
carrie
									
Have you played it at all while being a polling volunteer?
ross
									
You know what? I did briefly log in ‘cause you—at least then you get the daily credit for logging in.
carrie
									
Ah! Okay.
crosstalk
									
Ross: I did to that while working at the poll. Carrie: Hot tip, guys!
carrie
									
Okay! Thank you for working at the poll.
ross
									
It didn’t take long.
carrie
									
And more importantly, thank you for playing Best Fiends.
ross
									
[Through laughter] You’re welcome. I’m glad you have your priorities straight. I know I do. [Carrie laughs.]
carrie
									
Best Fiends is a unique and exciting puzzle experience. It doesn’t require the internet to play, which is really nice.
ross
									
Yeah. When you’re out there and you’re like, what am I gonna do? I don’t have any bars! Well you do have your Best Fiends with you.
carrie
									
Exactly. It’s great for traveling. You can play it anywhere. You can play it on the Subway! When you don’t have a connection! But you’re taking public transit! Because you’re trying to save the goddamn earth!
ross
									
And now I have Epic Fiends. I’ve got a red one. I’ve got a purple one. And a green one. I just need to get a yellow and a blue.
carrie
									
Okay!
ross
									
So it’s free download. You can get upgrades if you want or you can slowly work up to them. You know. You—you do you.
carrie
									
I will! I absolutely will. And Best Fiends has thousands of levels already. Oh, Ross! It has thousands of levels!
ross
									
[Through laughter] I know. Yeah.
carrie
									
You’re gonna be playing this forever!
ross
									
Yeah. Over 2000 levels, so I’m, like, a third of the way there.
carrie
									
Okay. But they’re gonna keep adding ‘em because they have new levels, events, and characters added every month!
ross
									
Woo-hoo!
carrie
									
It’s hours of fun right at your fingertips and you can even play offline.
ross
									
And with over a hundred million downloads and tons of five-star reviews—we know you like those!—Best Fiends is a must-play!
carrie
									
So download Best Fiends free on the Apple App Store or Google Play
ross
									
That’s “friends” without the “r”—Best Fiends!
ross
									
So what were you doing, Carrie!
carrie
									
‘K. Well next up for me was a little talk by Susan Whittaker, a woman who was giving a talk on EFM protection and neurological disorders.
ross
									
EFM.
carrie
									
So we’re used to EMF—Electromagnetic Frequency? Field! But yeah. It said EFM protection, so I was like—oh, that’s interesting! I wonder if that’s any different. It quickly became clear when I got in there that it was a typo.
ross
									
Oh.
carrie
									
And here I was at this talk now. But that’s okay! [Laughs.]
ross
									
The title of the talk was a typo.
carrie
									
Yup.
ross
									
Alright.
carrie
									
But that’s fine! It was still a wild and wonderful talk about the dangers… of EMF. So. [Ross laughs.] I was just a tad late. I want to say, like, five minutes into the talk. And [through laughter] as I walked in, I was like—oh. Shit. We’re already knee-deep. Because she was passing around what I’m about to show you, and she was saying—and the service is $15 a month and I pull the EMFs and the nanotechnology out of you—I was like, oh, what did I miss?
ross
									
Oh, yeah!
carrie
									
So something’s being passed around. I don’t really see it. And she continues to talk. So she says—so you’re probably wondering how I got this technology. Well. I was working at Costco. I was selling solar panels. And suddenly I got this download.
ross
									
Oh! Alright! Another download!
carrie
									
[Laughs.] People who’ve listened to this show many times, you’ve heard of this before. But the concept is that some greater being in the heavens gives you a message—kind of all at once—and you quote-unquote “download” it into your own brain and spit it out.
ross
									
It could be an alien. It could be God. It could be an owl.
carrie
									
Exactly. So she got a download. It was 17 pages. She suddenly just felt it arrive in her. She ran and she grabbed a notebook and started writing and it was 17 pages that she wrote down in 30 minutes. And she was like—I couldn’t even tell you what it said. ‘Cause it wasn’t from me! It was a download! I have no idea what it says!
ross
									
Oh, that’s like a page every two minutes!
carrie
									
Yeah! I’d like to read it. So they continue to pass around whatever it is she’s handed out, and about now it gets to me. So I’m in the last row and I am passed… these.
ross
									
Okay. Carrie is giving me two small bottles. They look like—hmmm. Maybe something that you would keep… spices in. They’ve got screw tops here. And it says—Ipothecary supplements. Intentional health solutions. TBD? And then a down arrow like it’s a stock that just went down. Rechargeable harmonic energy crystals. Recharge at Ipothecary.com! You can charge them by visiting a website?
carrie
									
Oh.
ross
									
Oh. Weight loss system. It says it just very tiny. [Carrie laughs.] Printed at a 90-degree angle on the end of the label. Okay. What? [Laughs.]
crosstalk
									
Carrie: So— Ross: You—‘cause—
ross
									
You’re obviously not supposed to consume this.
carrie
									
You’d think not! Although I think you would lose weight if you ate a bunch of sand.
crosstalk
									
Carrie: ‘Cause you’d get sick for a while. Ross: It’s sand with little—
ross
									
—nice pretty polished rocks inside of the sand. But yeah. No. Don’t eat that.
carrie
									
Nope.
ross
									
There’s one that’s very similar, this other bottle, but it’s got more square edges and it says—TBD^20. Like it’s TBD to the twentieth power. So I see TBD and I think “to be determined.”
crosstalk
									
Carrie: Mm-hm. Me, too. Ross: We don’t know what’s in here.
ross
									
Or we haven’t decided yet?
carrie
									
Kind of. Okay. So.
ross
									
Alright. You can have ‘em back now.
carrie
									
Thank you. She has passed these around already and I’m the last person to receive them. So I’m just holding onto them and I’m thinking, like, maybe I’ll get lucky and she won’t ask for these back or remember she’s passed the around, because—
ross
									
These are small bottles, too. They’re like, 3 to 4 inches tall.
carrie
									
You know I figure—how much is this sand worth? It can’t be that much! So anyway—
crosstalk
									
Carrie: —I’m just holding— Ross: She’s talking about a monthly fee?
carrie
									
Right. So I’m just holding onto them. And she explains that she does a service where. You sign up. It’s only $15 a month. And she does a prayer for you every day that helps remove EMF from your body. And she can do this from anywhere in the world. No matter where you are. She just adds your name to the list and she prays for you.
ross
									
Okay.
carrie
									
This is super effective. Now, also if you really want to sort of kick up the effects? The protective effects?
ross
									
I do.
carrie
									
You’re gonna want to get one of her Ipothecary supplements!
ross
									
Hmm.
carrie
									
Which is what I was just showing you! So. The way this works is that she prays into it what it should be. And it can have up to 20, in this case, ‘cause as you mentioned, TBD^20.
ross
									
Ah!
carrie
									
It can be up to 20 supplements, minerals, vitamins, whatever. So you go to her and you say—every single day I’m taking Omega 3 and I’m taking Turmeric and I’m taking Vitamin D and I’m taking Vitamin A and she just goes—got it, got it, got it. Writes it all down, says stop taking those vitamins.
ross
									
No!
carrie
									
I’m going to imbue this—
ross
									
No!
carrie
									
With—[Laughs.] The same powers. [Laughs.] [Ross groans as though he’s in pain.] Ross is covering his face. [Laughs.]
ross
									
You got the acronym wrong in your title. I don’t trust you. [Carrie laughs.]
carrie
									
Then you carry this around and it’s got all the energy of Vitamin D. Vitamin A. Whatever.
ross
									
I’m just excited waiting for the part of the story where you get these two bottles for free.
carrie
									
Oh, that happens! ‘Cause you know— [Ross laughs.] —I’m not gonna pay much for this! Uh—
ross
									
Carrie’s so good at this!
carrie
									
[Through laughter] Oh, thank you.
ross
									
Seriously. I need to get better at just tapping you and be, like, acquire that for me! [Carrie laughs.] By whatever means possible! But not by paying for it.
carrie
									
Got it. I’ll put it in my hand and see what happens. [Ross laughs.] So—but I’m—
ross
									
I feel like I need to clarify. When I send you in to get things for me for free, that also does not involve stealing.
carrie
									
I mean, I stole these.
ross
									
Did you? [Laughs.]
carrie
									
But not intentionally. No, intentional. I thought perhaps I would buy some. Well, and the story there for a minute. So she’s still telling us about the dangers of EMFs. And she says—now what do you think has the most EMFs in your whole house? And people are guessing things.
ross
									
Television!
carrie
									
Okay. Okay. Good guess. Good guess.
ross
									
My wireless router!
carrie
									
Oh, yes—very good, sir. But no, no, no! Anybody else? Anybody else? The hairdryer! The hairdryer has the most EMF.
ross
									
Is that the correct answer?
carrie
									
I don’t know! That’s what she said.
ross
									
That’s what she said! [Carrie laughs.]
carrie
									
I did look this up. I tried to figure out if that was true but as soon as you search “hairdryer EMF” you just get, y’know, websites that are like— [Ross laughs.] “Buy our hairdryer that we’ve lowered the EMFs on for $900.” It’s like, oh, forget it.
ross
									
Oh, goodness.
carrie
									
Yeah. But the second worst is your electric cars. She’s telling people not to get electric cars!
ross
									
Aww! Aww!
carrie
									
And she said electric cars are very, very dangerous. You might as well have a dirty electricity motor aimed at your head.
ross
									
A dirty electricity motor—
crosstalk
									
Ross and Carrie: — aimed at your head.
ross
									
Alright.
carrie
									
Now you get it.
ross
									
Mm-kay.
carrie
									
Then of course she says—and what’s in this room, probably 30 times over? We all know what she’s talking about. Everyone’s like—
crosstalk
									
Carrie: Mmm. Holds up their phones. Sorry. Ross: Our cell phones. Yeah. Hmm.
carrie
									
We’ve been taking pictures of you this whole time. Yes. Sorry. [Ross laughs.] And she’s like, yeah. You know. You can’t even come in my house with a cell phone. Sure, if you did I could clear the EMFs? But also—I just don’t want you to text while you’re in my house! I want you to actually interact with me! [Laughs.] Okay. That’s a really different thing. But thanks for letting us know. [Laughs.] About polite etiquette In your home. [Laughs.]
ross
									
Sure. Yeah. Note to self, never go to her house. [Carrie laughs.]
carrie
									
Then she went on a 5G rant.
crosstalk
									
Ross: Mm. Mm-hm. Carrie: She was telling us that—
carrie
									
5G is actually slower than dial-up.
ross
									
Nope.
carrie
									
She’s like, they sell you this lie but I tested it! You go to the airport. You go in the 5G, you’ll realize how slow it is! The airport where there’s like, 3,000 people at a time? [Laughs.]
ross
									
Yeah. And it’s almost certain she wasn’t actually using 5G.
carrie
									
Oh, really?
ross
									
Rollouts are still in progress and not many phones support it yet, so when 5G is actually rolled out it’ll be blazingly fast.
carrie
									
Oh, interesting. Okay. Okay. So then she gets into the guts and glue of her talk. You create your reality with thought-forms. Okay? Okay?
ross
									
Hold on. Oh, shoot! That’s one of those things like you say, I’m like, no, no— [Carrie laughs.] —you can’t get a quick response from me ‘cause I’m—I’m thinking. I create…
carrie
									
Your reality.
ross
									
My reality with thoughtforms?
carrie
									
Yes.
ross
									
Well, I—I take exception to that! [Carrie laughs.]
carrie
									
Nope. That is true.
ross
									
Alright.
carrie
									
And she said, why do you think it is? That young men are getting testicular cancer? Now I’m thinking—‘cause that’s a young man’s cancer and pretty much always has been?
ross
									
Hmm.
carrie
									
No, that’s not right.
ross
									
No?
carrie
									
It’s because of the phones.
ross
									
Oh, okay.
carrie
									
But if you use your thoughtforms like she does, you can change EMFs to a positive force. So now it’s good for you to carry around your phone. And if you do that it works for five days!
ross
									
Oh, okay, well that’s convenient!
carrie
									
Yeah! And then she says—as if this is just a footnote—Source says that’s how long it works.
ross
									
Source say?
carrie
									
Source says. Okay. So—
ross
									
Oh, that’s where she got her download.
carrie
									
Uh-huh. So—
ross
									
And what were the speeds on that download? [Carrie laughs.]
carrie
									
Certainly not 5G. That’s way too slow. [Ross laughs.] So this talk gets more and more, like… uh-ohhh! This lady thinks she has a personal access point to the divine.
ross
									
Mm-hm.
carrie
									
And not just even in an—in a we all do and I’ve gotten good at it! Way. Like, she thinks she has special information on this earth that she is, like, an avatar. Of— [Ross sighs.] —the great beyond. Okay.
ross
									
Yep. That’s how these things get started.
carrie
									
Yup. So she goes on—I live on the Oregon coast. I live near this big electrical plant. And you know what I do around there? I just turn the EMFs off! Okay. [Laughs.]
ross
									
That must really annoy the people at the electrical plant!
carrie
									
[Through laughter] Yep! So I raise my hand and I say—when you say “turned them off,” do you mean, like, “turned them off?” [Both laugh.] [Through laughter] And uh, she’s like—well… and I kinda see her, like, searching the air, like, putting together what that would mean? And I was like—‘cause I mean, wouldn’t they be, like—[through laughter] oh, the power’s not working? [Ross laughs.] She’s like—
ross
									
Why won’t this generator generate anything?
carrie
									
And she’s like, oh, well, no. I mean I don’t like physically turn them off. I just turn off the power of the EMF.
ross
									
Mm. Mm-kay.
carrie
									
So there ya go. Um—
ross
									
This is like those cell phone radiation protectors that stop your phone from radiating. Which thereby means that your phone should not operate whatsoever.
carrie
									
Right.
ross
									
At least not as a device that connects with satellites or radio towers. And yet it persists! [Carrie laughs.]
carrie
									
Yeah! What’s going on there? So yeah. She just turns them off by making the EMFs positive. And she says that clearing is done by Infinite Source. And she does the same thing in her apartments! You know, there’re these smart meters that people have in their apartments and oh, they’re so dangerous! They’re so full of EMFs! So I just walk by—[starts snapping]—and one at a time I turn them off. Off! Off! Off! Off! Off! Off! And I’m thinking like—okay.
 ross
									
That’s true. That does happen in your mind. [Carrie laughs.]
carrie
									
And inside those apartments are people like, what? The lights!
ross
									
[Through laughter] Yeah.
carrie
									
Right? [Sighs.] Uh—um—
ross
									
Oh yeah. I feel like this would be a fun one to test. To—like—to—
crosstalk
									
Ross: —y’know, set up an actual protocol— Carrie: Oh, definitely.
ross
									
—and say, okay. Let’s set this up so that you can stop this electricity here. Turn this light off. Block this radio signal. Whatever it may be.
carrie
									
And she’s be like, that’s not what I mean by “off” and we’d be like—alright.
ross
									
Okay.
carrie
									
What do we do now?
ross
									
Yeah. It depends on what “is” is.
carrie
									
Yeah. [Laughs.] Then she says—and I’m telling you, when I turn off those EMFs? [Laughs.]
ross
									
Carrie’s stopping to suppress laughter.
carrie
									
When I turn off those EMFs, raccoons just come to my house in droves. [Laughs.] [Ross laughs.]
ross
									
Wow. Okay. Already at this conference we have a baseball [Through laughter] magnet and a raccoon magnet! [Carrie laughs.] Well, why does—
carrie
									
[Through laughter] Because the raccoons know it’s an EMF safe space! [Laughs.]
ross
									
Raccoons, notoriously, cannot stand EMF. [Carrie laughs so hard she snorts.]
carrie
									
I’m sorry. Um— [Ross laughs.] [Through laughter] And then she’s like—and that’s important. That’s important. Because dogs and cats are highly susceptible to EMF. So all of you with dogs and cats, you wanna watch out! And everyone’s going [makes noise of agreement] Mm, mm. Mm.
ross
									
Why don’t they come over? It’s just the raccoons?
carrie
									
[Through laughter] Yeah! I guess ‘cause the raccoons are free.
ross
									
There’s always plenty of cats roaming around.
carrie
									
Oh, touché! You’re right.
ross
									
More than should be.
carrie
									
And then—okay. She tells us there’s lots of EMFs in airplanes. Sure. EMFs split your DNA.
ross
									
Mm-kay.
carrie
									
Mm-kay.
ross
									
Not true.
carrie
									
And then she said—and I see these people putting headphones on children! On children! And I’m thinking like, do anything! Like, hand that kid a cigarette! I mean, putting headphones on a child! The cancer. The brain damage.
ross
									
Oh. Goodness.
carrie
									
[Makes uncomfortable noises] Oof. Oof. Oof oo.
ross
									
Yeah. Her—her danger assessment is way off.
carrie
									
Yeah. [Laughs.]
ross
									
Did she ever, at any point, mention ionizing radiation or did she talk about—
carrie
									
I don’t think so.
ross
									
Okay. ‘Cause that seems, of course, to be the missing property here. Is that all of these technologies are tested for their effects on bodies and at the radiation bands that are used for these telecommunications and—and various other signals that are approved by the FCC for use and in all our devices, they are all at bands where they are incapable of stripping electronics or subatomic particles in any way, shape, or form from the atoms that make up us. In other words, that they are non-ionizing radiation. Meaning they can’t harm us. The most that they could do is kind of slightly warm us.
carrie
									
Mm.
ross
									
Uh, y’know, by exciting the movement of those atoms. But to actually do radiation damage you need a much higher energy wave than any of these technologies are using. It is physically impossible for her concern to be justified.
carrie
									
I get the fear though. It’s weird when you’re talking about invisible things. It’s hard—it’s hard to wrap your head around. And once we found out about germs—that changed the whole game! Y’know?
ross
									
That’s true! Yeah! And all of us are right at this moment being interpenetrated by millions of neutrinos and there's nothing we can do about it! They’re going right through us and the planet. Yes?
carrie
									
Speak for yourself. I turned ‘em off. Bada bing, bada boom.
ross
									
I do not have proper equipment to prove you wrong. [Carrie laughs.]
carrie
									
That is by design! So then someone asked a really good question. I think it was a gentleman. He said—so, like… what do the people who create these things do? ‘Cause they’re still all around them, too! Great question!
ross
									
Great question.
carrie
									
So she said—[Laughs.] Oh my god. Yeah. She’s like, nodding around, like, check out this loser. Doesn’t get it yet. She says—we are the slaves. And you know, Bill Gates lives on an island and Steve Jobs wouldn’t let his kids have cell phones.
ross
									
Okay.
carrie
									
Ross turns to his computer after a moment of contemplation.
ross
									
Uh, okay. Bill Gates’ house is… [Laughs.] Known as Xanadu 2.0? [Laughs.]
carrie
									
Ew.
ross
									
[Through laughter] Goodness. [Carrie laughs.] Alright, Bill. Uh—
carrie
									
More like Xana-don’t.
ross
									
It’s—[Laughs.] Very good. Very good.
carrie
									
Thank you. Thank you.
ross
									
It’s on the waterfront, but it is definitely connected to the mainland in Seattle. So.
carrie
									
Uh-huh.
ross
									
Oh, sorry, what was the other thing? Oh, yeah. Uh, Steve Jobs doesn’t let his kids have—oh, there we go. Dinnertime at the Jobs’ house was used as an opportunity to have real discussions with his children. [Carrie laughs.] We don’t have cell phone at the table when we’re having a meal. We didn’t give our kids cell phones until they were 14, and they complained other kids got them earlier.
carrie
									
Okay. That’s fair.
ross
									
Oh, wait. That was Bill Gates.
carrie
									
Oh, it was Bill Gates. Okay.
ross
									
Mm.
carrie
									
He lives on an island, y’know.
ross
									
Nope. I don’t know that.
carrie
									
There’s definitely a lot of conflating of this sort of theoretical and social and emotional harms of being glued to a screen. With… actual physical harm of waves coming at your face.
ross
									
Yeah, yeah. That’s true. Okay, uh, Steve Jobs did say—we limit how much technology our kids use at home and he didn’t let his kids use the newly-released iPad. [Carrie laughs.]
carrie
									
Okay.
ross
									
Alright. But yeah. He didn’t say, uh, it’s because of radiation.
carrie
									
Right. Okay. So. So Susan also uses dousing rods to look for harmful EMFs. She takes those out and demonstrates how a dousing rod works, which—I’ll let you go back to our dousing episode to understand, but not a good way to look for stuff.
ross
									
Mm-hm.
carrie
									
And she’s like—now there are EMF-free clothes! And they look beautiful, ladies. You can also get a shungite bracelet. That helps you. It’s not as strong as turning the EMFs off but it does have some benefits. But the clearest benefits you can get are from my Clearest Benefits Programs!
ross
									
Oh!
carrie
									
And I can… prove it. At my booth. Which is more than most people can say.
ross
									
Oh!
carrie
									
Yeah.
ross
									
She has proof!
carrie
									
She can prove it.
ross
									
Booth proof! [Carrie laughs.]
carrie
									
Oh, yeah. Okay. So now she gets back to the sand that I’m holding. Right?
ross
									
Mm-hm.
carrie
									
So she gets this sand around the world. It’s amazing at blocking EMFs. It actually helps Epstein-Barr patients quite a bit. And it’s also great for dentists. So dentists are constantly telling her how great these are. I did not understand the connection? Why a dentist in particular is like—
ross
									
Hmm. Yeah.
carrie
									
I was able to replace my patient’s vitamins with this? And dentists, I guess—
ross
									
I don’t know. The dentist also helped test the little nanocrystal patch, so.
carrie
									
Oh, okay!
crosstalk
									
Ross: Maybe dentists are— Carrie: Maybe it’s the same dentist!
ross
									
[Through laughter] There we go. The Italian dentists.
carrie
									
Okay. So now she’s, like, taking more questions. And you know I got another one. So I raise my hand and I said, okay. So—wow! So much here. So… you’re only one person. How can we kind of learn these techniques and bring it to the wider world?
ross
									
Yeah, how do we stop and turn off all these devices?
carrie
									
Yeah! ‘Cause it can’t be that everyone in the world needs to send you $15 a month. That can’t be the solution. That’s… that’s in my head. Not out loud. And she said—okay. I was… told by Source… not to tell people. Until I am instructed that it is time. And… there are four people on the planet. Who know this technology. So I raised my hand again. Who are the other three?
ross
									
Yeah! Good question! [Both laugh.]
carrie
									
[Through laughter] She says—I don’t know.
ross
									
One of them is Bill Gates. [Carrie laughs.]
carrie
									
She said, I don’t know. I haven’t met the other three. But I’ve been told by Source that three more exist.
ross
									
I bet they’re all at this conference!
carrie
									
Right! You’d think so. Yeah, it would be fun to just come up to her and be like—[whispering] I’m one of the other three.
ross
									
[Laughs.] Yeah. I gotta know, uh, was she wearing like a shawl? Did she have long, flowing hair?
carrie
									
Okay. Great Ross questions. Let’s see.
ross
									
That’s how I’m picturing her. Blonde hair.
carrie
									
Okay.
ross
									
Long. Slightly wavy.
carrie
									
Okay.
ross
									
And she’s wearing lighter clothes but she has kind of a patterned—a shawl that’s a greenish color. That’s how I’m seeing her in my mind.
carrie
									
Does all this stuff really happen in your head?
ross
									
Yeah!
carrie
									
You—you see all that? Man. I don’t see anything. Okay. So pretty much the opposite of what you described!
ross
									
Aw.
carrie
									
Short, cropped, reddish hair. Vinyl… jacket-vest?
ross
									
This is definitely [through laughter] not what I had in mind. [Carrie laughs.] Oh yeah, look at that. Interesting. Okay.
carrie
									
Maybe that’s the EMF-proof vest?
ross
									
Okay. And she’s got glasses. I—
carrie
									
So a white woman.
ross
									
She looks like she’s in her… maybe…
carrie
									
Fifties?
ross
									
Yeah. I’d say early fifties.
carrie
									
Yep.
ross
									
Interesting. Yeah. Wearing dark clothing. Dark hair. Okay.
carrie
									
Yep.
ross
									
Thank you!
carrie
									
So now she goes back to her dental ideas. And she says, y’know, EMFs actually interact with mercury fillings. Okay. This is where the dentist comes in! Okay.
ross
									
Ah. I was wondering. Okay, ‘cause there’s all those stories about amalgam fillings and people getting radio frequencies through their dental implants.
carrie
									
Oh, right. Right. Right. So she says you should get all those removed. This is all just an afterthought at this point. You should get all those removed. All silver fillings have it. Get rid of all silver fillings. And you really need to see the Smoking Tooth documentary. And a bunch of people are like—mmmmm.
crosstalk
									
Ross: Smoking Tooth? Carrie: Mm-hm.
carrie
									
Yeah. I think I saw it on… Prime Video or something.
ross
									
Okay. I’m gonna look this up.
carrie
									
Um—
ross
									
Add it to my queue. Speaking of which, I’ve heard that it’s more dangerous to have that silver removed? Like, in terms of—the chance of you being exposed to bioaccumulating mercury increase if you have it removed. Just leave it alone!
carrie
									
Okay. It’s like asbestos.
ross
									
Oh!
carrie
									
It’s like, yeah, not great. The worst thing you can do, though, is, like, y’know—
crosstalk
									
Carrie: [Nonsense noises] Shake it around! And—yep. Exactly. Ross: Shake it up. And put it in the air.
carrie
									
Okay. Then she also said, I want to leave you with this thought. Why do boys have the highest autism rate in the world? And people are like—ahhhh. And I’m thinking—half—
ross
									
Why did you phrase it that way?
carrie
									
Yeah. Half the world? Are quote-unquote “boys.” [Ross laughs.]
ross
									
Yeah.
carrie
									
Give or take. So if you divide the world in half… one thing’s gonna be higher. [Laughs.]
ross
									
Yep.
carrie
									
Yep.
ross
									
That’s just statistics and how they work. But, y’know, you’d think it would average out over the populations.
carrie
									
Sure. Yeah. All that tell us is, like, gender is predictive in autism. But—uh—
ross
									
Yeah. Or it could also be tied to diagnosis or—
carrie
									
Yep! For sure.
ross
									
Or maybe she’s just wrong. I haven’t looked this up.
carrie
									
Oh, no. Yeah. I mean, boys are—are diagnosed at like four times the rate of girls.
ross
									
That sounds right. Oh, okay. Wow.
carrie
									
And that could mean that it’s on the Y chromosome. That could mean all sorts of… things. But I sure don’t think that has anything to do with EMFs. I don’t think boys use phones more than girls? Or are sitting by vacuums a bunch of something?
ross
									
Uh…
carrie
									
In fact, hairdryers! Come on!
ross
									
Oh! Hey!
carrie
									
Counterpoint.
ross
									
You just debunked the whole thing right here.
carrie
									
Thank you. You might as well have a dirty motor aimed at your head. [Ross laughs.] So.
ross
									
But it’s still TBD how you got these—
carrie
									
Oh yes!
ross
									
—two bottles.
carrie
									
Okay, okay, okay, okay.
crosstalk
									
Carrie: Fine, fine, fine, fine, fine, fine, fine. Ross: That say TBD on them—what—wait—
ross
									
What does “TBD” even stand for?
carrie
									
“To be determined!”
ross
									
Is it?
carrie
									
Yeah!
ross
									
Alright.
carrie
									
Because it’s like… you’re picking—
ross
									
Oh, yeah!
carrie
									
The things I’m replacing.
ross
									
Oh goodness.
carrie
									
Yep! So these are still just sitting back there with me. And she tells us how much they are! And they last a lifetime. And they are only… $68 each. [Ross gasps.] So.
ross
									
For that little bottle?
carrie
									
Mm.
ross
									
Goodness.
carrie
									
So I just said to myself, I said, Carrie? [Ross chuckles.] It’s been almost one hour. She has forgotten these are back here.
ross
									
Oh! Okay. [Laughs.]
carrie
									
So I—[Laughs.] Put them in my bag. And I waited a while. And then she was answering questions—and at no point where she was like, “Where is my very important medicine that certainly didn’t cost me 50 cents?”
ross
									
So they—
carrie
									
So I left.
ross
									
So the aftermath was her, like, where is it? Who has it? [Carrie laughs.]
ross
									
Oh.
carrie
									
Perhaps.
ross
									
Okay.
carrie
									
I mean, I saw her table later and she had 40 of these just out on the table.
ross
									
Okay.
carrie
									
I think she had completely plumb forgot. So I did see her after that. Her company is called Wellsong Energetics if you want to look it up. And they have a shop called the Ipothecary shop.
ross
									
And if you have $15 a month too much? You know where to give it! [Carrie laughs.]
carrie
									
And you might be wondering—other than talking to Source, what are her qualifications for knowing these things?
ross
									
Mm-hm.
carrie
									
Don’t worry. I have her business card. She is an interdimensional diplomat.
ross
									
Oh!
carrie
									
I kinda like that.
ross
									
That could come in handy!
carrie
									
Yeah! And that was that talk.
ross
									
Amazing.
carrie
									
Mm-hm. Mm-hm.
ross
									
And how did you find that? Were you just walking by and you saw that in the list of talks and you said—
carrie
									
Yeah. I saw that in the program.
ross
									
It’s time for that. I think that was the first talk we’ve talked about!
carrie
									
Yeah! That seems about our speed. [Laughs.]
ross
									
Meanwhile, down on the show floor, I was wandering around the far lineup of tables and—as we’ve mentioned—everybody’s kind of, uh, in carnival barker mode there and trying to pull you in and grab you. Again, you just—you gotta be careful making eye contact. [Carrie laughs.] And that’s a tough point for me when I pass by people I have like a compulsion to make eye contact! At a place like this, that’s dangerous! So there was this, uh, woman in her—I would guess seventies—with grey hair and wearing red. She, as I just kinda nicely walked by and smiled, she said—oh, wanna sit down? Oh, okay. [Carrie laughs.] So I—I—
carrie
									
So you just sat down right there in the middle of the floor.
ross
									
I took the bait like an idiot! Instead of saying, no thanks! I sat down. She had a chair right there. And so… she, uh, said—well what’s your question? And she spreads out a deck of cards facedown—
carrie
									
Wow!
ross
									
Yeah! And it looks like a tarot deck of sorts.
carrie
									
My question is—why am I sitting by you?
ross
									
Yeah. Or maybe oracle cards. Anyway. So she spreads ‘em out facedown. But she doesn’t ask me to pick any yet. She just says, what’s your question? And so I said—well, okay. Let me think about this. And, uh, I should mention right next to her is an older woman and—I don’t know. Maybe her mother or something like that? But this woman’s dressed in blue and a jacket and she’s—doesn’t get to speak much. This is one of those relationships where any time lady in blue starts to chime in or try to add anything, the main woman—who, I learned, is named Elizabeth—uh, Elizabeth turns to her and just like, shushes her up or—no. I’m—I’m talking here. Let me do this. This is important.
carrie
									
And Elizabeth is older than silent woman?
ross
									
Silent woman is the older of the two.
carrie
									
Oh, okay!
ross
									
Yeah. So—
carrie
									
Wow. Doesn’t even have seniority.
ross
									
Yeah. You have the woman in her seventies and the woman who’s maybe in her, y’know, late eighties, early nineties!
carrie
									
Oh, okay.
ross
									
So they are, uh, at this booth between many other booths. So, alright. What am I gonna ask you? So I’m thinking about it. She says, well don’t think too hard! [Carrie laughs.] Nope, okay. Alright. Well, I said, alright. Well, I guess what comes to mind is—y’know, what do I focus on? I feel like I have so many things in my life and I’m constantly jumping between paths and commitments. And so she starts asking me additional questions like, well, what is it you do? Where do you work? And like we’re having this conversation like, oh, why am I pouring out my heart and all of my personal things to you? Where is this going?
carrie
									
Yeah. Give me some hint of what you have to offer to this conversation.
ross
									
Right! And the cards are still just sitting there and now she’s just plumbing me for data about myself. Alright. Well I work in animation. Oh, what do you work on? Oh, okay.
carrie
									
“My niece Kimberly would love a job.”
ross
									
Well there we go—and so immediately—
carrie
									
Oh, no! Really? [Laughs.]
ross
									
Yeah. She starts, like, thumbing through her books and says, like, oh, I’ve always thought that this would make a great animation!
carrie
									
Oh, this happens to Ross so much!
ross
									
And I said, okay, well—like, my whole thing is, uh, I would like to reduce the number of things that I’m doing. Y’know. Get better at saying no to things and being more picky-choosy and focusing on some longer-term projects that I’m interested in. Rather—
carrie
									
Looks like I get to practice that right now!
ross
									
[Laughs.] Yeah. And she said, well, uh, where do you see yourself ten years down the line? It’s like—sighs. I don’t know!
carrie
									
Still talking to you.
ross
									
Why do I—yeah. Why do I— [Laughs.] [Carrie laughs.] And so, uh, y’know, I’m trying to like, get her to maybe get back to these cards. She’s like, well what if I introduce you to someone who’s published 16 books and a bestseller!
carrie
									
No, thanks.
ross
									
Yeah. And I think she’s referring to herself. And so—again—I was saying, like, no, y’know, I’m—actually what I’m—you wanted a question from me. My question is how do I simplify things in my life. How do I get to a more sustainable place? She said, oh, you ant to work like in sustainable agriculture?
carrie
									
Oh no! [Laughs.]
ross
									
No! No, no. Agriculture had nothing to do with that. So I said—do I grab some cards now? And this is— [Carrie laughs.]
carrie
									
[Through laughter] Trying to move this along.
ross
									
This is a long ways into the conversation. She’s pulled all these irrelevant details out of me. [Through laughter] And so I pick out four cards and she flips them over. She looks at them. Mm-kay. You know what? Yeah. These don’t really apply. [Laughs.]
carrie
									
What?!
ross
									
After all that!
carrie
									
[Through laughter] What?!!
ross
									
There were—I don’t know. Like, ten—ten-plus minutes into this conversation already— [Carrie laughs.]
carrie
									
That’s a wonderful thing for an astrology to say, though.
ross
									
It—she just says, oh, this one says that you should seek the wisdom of shamanic guides. But that’s always true for everybody. [Carrie laughs.] Oh, okay. Great.
carrie
									
Okay.
ross
									
So, y’know, we’re at this awkward juncture, like, alright, do I go now? And she said, well—do you have any questions for me? I said—oh, yeah! Well, tell me about yourself! How did you start doing this? How did you find your ability? She said, oh, oh, I don’t talk about myself.
carrie
									
Uh—what—
ross
									
Gah.
carrie
									
Okay.
ross
									
Why—why? Why am I here? Yeah. This is such an uncomfortable situation but y’know I can’t just, like, rage-quit and like, flip the table over.
carrie
									
Sure. You’re not Jesus.
ross
									
So then she like starts pulling out, uh, her various books and she’s showing them to me and she says—look at this! Uh, don’t you like this art? And you can’t be like—
carrie
									
Oh, nooo.
ross
									
No, actually, it’s—it’s a little amateurish, but, uh, y’know.
carrie
									
I’m happy for you.
ross
									
I’m sure that’s a nice person who’s your illustrator. Yeah. You don’t say that. Just say, oh yeah! I like, uh, the color choices. Y’know. You find something that you like about it. Oh, that’s cool!
carrie
									
Yeah. She might as well say “I dare you to say something bad about this.”
ross
									
Right. Oh, that must be done in pastel. Very interesting. Okay. Oh, that was painted digitally. Alright. Yeah. Very nice. And—[Laughs.] Uh, she said, well, how would you animate this? [Laughs.] It’s—
carrie
									
Oh my God!
ross
									
And then she wants my business card.
carrie
									
Oh no!
ross
									
Yeah! And I was like—oh, sorry. I don’t carry any business cards around with me. Okay, well you can just write down your email here.
carrie
									
No, thank you!
ross
									
And I can’t write like a fake email or anything so I give her my email. She hasn’t emailed me, at least, to her credit.
carrie
									
Oh, that’s good.
ross
									
But yeah! Who’s just now—she’s like, trying to hook me up with people and—
carrie
									
Oh, god.
ross
									
And like tell me the best story that, y’know, she thinks that I could make an animation out of—and— [Carrie laughs.] If we were anywhere in a credible conversation I would say, like, oh, actually, I can’t hear pitches.
carrie
									
Oh. Uh-huh.
ross
									
Like, I’m contractually not allowed to.
crosstalk
									
Carrie: Oh, is that true? Ross: [Inaudible.]
ross
									
Yeah. Like, if someone starts telling me about a story idea I have to say, like, sorry, no!
carrie
									
You know what? If you can’t hear pitches you should not take that white goopy stuff? The holy water stuff?
ross
									
Yeah?
carrie
									
Because it makes you a magnet for baseballs. [Both laugh.]
ross
									
Excellently delivered.
carrie
									
Thank you.
ross
									
Well done. Well done.
carrie
									
I wish I had thought of the name of the product. [Laughs.] [Ross laughs.]
ross
									
Ormus.
carrie
									
Ormus!
ross
									
Yeah.
carrie
									
That’s it.
ross
									
I just remember ‘cause that was the character from Diablo II.
carrie
									
Ah.
ross
									
Is—so, anyway. I’m trying to wind down this [through laughter] conversation with this lady and just not commit to things and I keep trying to say—no, well, remember what I’m trying to do here is— [Carrie laughs.] —have fewer commitments in my life! So I’m not making any promises here! And just to kinda throw her a bone and maybe lead to an exit in this conversation, and she’s handing me all these books to look at and so I grab this one and say—oh, okay. Uh, sure. I’ll take that. Uh, what—what can I give ya for it? And I start to pull out my wallet and I realize I just came from the ATM earlier that day and I have $20s. Nothing but $20s. And—[Laughs.]
carrie
									
I hate that position!
ross
									
[Through laughter] Yeah! It’s like—I realize that she’s giving me—away for free. This book is essentially just a portfolio of her work.
carrie
									
Oh no!
ross
									
Here, I’ll show it to ya. “A Poet’s Portfolio.” It’s got her picture on the front.
carrie
									
Alright. This looks like a book. Oop—this is not a book.
ross
									
It’s just a catalogue of various other books and occasional poems. Included.
carrie
									
Yup.
ross
									
But I realize this is just a promo thing. But now that I’ve said that I should give you something, she says, oh, well, what can you give me? [Laughs.]
carrie
									
Ugh.
ross
									
I said, well—alright. How about, uh, $10 then? Can you give me change? [Laughs.] And so she turns to the older woman and says, you have five seconds to give me $10.
carrie
									
What the fuck?
ross
									
Yeah! She’s like—
carrie
									
Rude!
ross
									
—really mean-talking this woman. Any time, uh, that woman would try to add something to the conversation she would totally just shut her down and be like—hey. I’m working here. [Carrie lets out an offended and shocked gasp.] Okay? Let me do my thing. Yeah! I was like—oh, this is so uncomfortable. And she even throws in a little dig there, like, telling her to hurry up. She said—he’s a busy professional.
carrie
									
Oh, geez.
ross
									
It’s like, okay, well what have you been doing with my important time if you value it so much?
carrie
									
Oh, yeah. Fair.
ross
									
So, uh, I get the book. I thank them. I leave. At least she hasn’t emailed me with story pitches! [Carrie laughs.]
carrie
									
I’m looking at her book. I thought they’d be worse.
ross
									
Okay. You want to read some of a poem?
carrie
									
Yeah. I mean, I’m not saying this is good poetry? But I expected something worse.
ross
									
Okay.
carrie
									
Okay. This one’s called “Words Not Yet Spoken.” Think of the snow falling. Think of all the words you’ve never uttered. Think of a scarf containing all the colors of the rainbow. Think of a daydream. Think of nothing. Is this a poem that as yet remains unwritten? What is it in human nature that makes one want to be a creative artist? As artists, how do we behold emptiness and silence? Start from there, and then start reading the poems in this collection. [Laughs.]
crosstalk
									
Ross: Wait, did you—[Laughs; then continues in high-pitched disbelieving tone.] Is that—is that how it ended? Carrie: [Through laughter] Yeah! You really got to live that with me, folks. [Laughs.] [Ross laughs.]
ross
									
I mean—I was—[Laughs.] I was digging it up to that point! That was pretty good! [Carrie laughs.]
carrie
									
[Through laughter] Yeah. That was great. [Laughs.] [Ross laughs.]
ross
									
[Through laughter] Wow. That’s a [inaudible]. That wasn’t at the beginning of the book, either. That was…
crosstalk
									
Carrie: Nope! Page 78. Ross: Maybe two-thirds of the way in.
carrie
									
Wow. Alright.
ross
									
Well, well—
carrie
									
What an adventure.
ross
									
Well-played, Elizabeth Martina Bishop.
carrie
									
Yeah!
ross
									
That’s meta.
carrie
									
Oof!
ross
									
So Carrie, I hear that you went to another talk.
carrie
									
Yet another talk.
ross
									
After your first talk. Which I’d love to hear about. But first—
carrie
									
Okay, here I go!
crosstalk
									
Carrie: I begin speaking about it—what—what? Oh! Ross: First—wait! Stop! Stop! Stop!
ross
									
First I want to know—do you have any Jumbotrons?
carrie
									
Oh, thank you for asking! I would’ve forgotten. I do. I have one Jumbotron right here. I’m gonna pass it around and then I’m gonna forget about it.
ross
									
Okay.
carrie
									
This Jumbotron is about the podcast Gumshoe Weekly.
ross
									
Ooh! Gumshoe Weekly—“gumshoe” is a fun word.
carrie
									
Yeah. Definitely.
crosstalk
									
Ross: I like it. Carrie: And it makes me think of Carmen Sandiego.
ross
									
Is there a story called The Gumshoe with Gumption?
carrie
									
There should be!
ross
									
There should be.
carrie
									
There should be.
ross
									
Don’t do it—that’s mine! I said it first! [Carrie laughs.] I don’t know. Maybe someone else did it. Alright. But—[through laughter] let me tell you about [dramatic voice] murder. Mystery. And mayhem! Gumshoe Weekly is the comedy mystery podcast you’ve been missing.
carrie
									
[Deep voice] Join us every Thursday on Apple, Stitcher, and Spotify! As we delve into cults, investigate the fear behind clowns, and slowly put the pieces together to track down Bigfoot—all without spilling a drop of wine.
ross
									
Oh, please use that voice all the time! [Carrie laughs.] That was great.
carrie
									
I actually did listen to this a little bit—
crosstalk
									
Carrie: —when this Jumbotron came in! Ross: Oh, yeah?
carrie
									
Real fun!
carrie
									
Yeah.
ross
									
Oh, sweet!
carrie
									
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
ross
									
Oh, that’s awesome! Okay. I’ll check it out, too.
carrie
									
I actually recommend it! For real! And everything else we talk about. One more talk, Ross, I just gotta tell you about before you leave because… I think this is important information for you and your future health. I don’t want you to go one more day without learning… how to… activate your dormant DNA.
ross
									
You know what? That’s a good point! I was talking with Nathan H. Lents recently? Uh, he—
carrie
									
Heard of him.
ross
									
He of Human Errors fame. And he was telling me, there’s all kinds of old replicas, of ancient viral DNA—
carrie
									
Oh, sure.
ross
									
He had duplicated sequences. Lots of junk and non-coding, uh—
carrie
									
Kipple!
ross
									
Yeah! In my DNA! So—how do I do this?
carrie
									
I’m so glad you asked. So I went to a talk by Lori Spagna called “Your Dormant DNA: Sacred Key Codes and Starcode Writings.” And since I was in the last row for the last one, this time I was in the front row.
ross
									
The first shall be last and the last shall be Carrie.
carrie
									
Exactly. [Laughs.] So—she gets right into it. She says—how many of you here know about Angelina Jolie? We’re all—is that—is that the end of the—[Laughs.] [Ross laughs.] I definitely know about Angelina—uh—beautiful actress? What’s—
ross
									
That’s one way to get hands to raise!
carrie
									
What’s happening? Then she says, “About her cutting her breasts off.” Okay. Now [through laughter] a few hands go down. What? Oh, okay. Oh, okay. And she said—this just tells you—
ross
									
[Through laughter] Did she phrase it that way?
carrie
									
Yeah! I have it in quotation marks.
ross
									
[Through laughter] Alright.
carrie
									
Yup!
ross
									
Okay. Crass.
carrie
									
She cut her breasts off, which doesn’t make sense because this supposed “BRCA” is in your genes, not your breasts. Alrighty! We are knee-deep now! It has been a few seconds! [Laughs.] [Ross laughs.]
ross
									
[Through laughter] We already have a lot to unpack!
carrie
									
[Through laughter] Uh-huh. Okay! [Ross makes “grr”-esque noise with his mouth.] Your genes are in every part of your body, even—
crosstalk
									
Carrie: —if that were a question. Ross: Including your breasts!
carrie
									
But that’s not even what we mean when we say you have a gene that promotes breast cancer. That’s not even what that means!
ross
									
I’d love to know what she thinks it means.
carrie
									
Yeah. Uh—and—uh, just so that we don’t get a few pedantic emails—of course we mean genetic mutations, not literal genes. But for shorthand, genes.
ross
									
Mm-hm.
carrie
									
Then she says, y’know, that sort of emblematic of where we are as a culture that we don’t understand how any of this works. We’re so confused. And she says—okay. So you’re probably familiar with the two strands of your DNA. Right?
crosstalk
									
Ross: Okay. Yeah. Mm-hm. Carrie: Yes. Mm-hm. So far, yep. I’m with you.
carrie
									
So the first two strands of your DNA are the storyline that’s either resolved or not resolved.
ross
									
Okay. So we’re taking the literal number of… strands in the helix and now we’ve applied metaphorical meanings to them. Resolved and unresolved.
carrie
									
Yes.
ross
									
Okay.
carrie
									
So for example—diabetes is an inability to accept the sweetness of life. [In a sighing voice] Okay.
ross
									
[Resignedly] Alright. Keep going.
carrie
									
[Laughs.] Cancer represents old wounds. And forgiveness… is the cure. [Laughs.] This is all happening very fast. And she also has this very… powerful presence. Like, she—she can fill a room with this very commanding, like, “I have control. You are safe here” kind of energy?
ross
									
Yeah.
carrie
									
That is really interesting to watch.
ross
									
And statements, especially ones that call upon these abstract concepts—they take a certain amount of temporal… space just to unpack them.
carrie
									
Mm-hm.
ross
									
And if you give ‘em out that quickly, you interrupt that cycle of, like, being able to do the analysis. I know I, in particular, need that moment to—okay. Let me take the words that you just said. Let me take them out of the abstract, apply them to a model that I can kind of weigh for… veracity.
carrie
									
Uh-huh.
ross
									
And you haven’t given me that time. Which is a frustrating experience for me. Like, wha—what—what—no, that—Oh, shoot. I was still busy processing that one! You’re saying new things! And ah! You’re still doing it!
carrie
									
And then, in addition, you and I are like writing it down.
ross
									
Yes!
carrie
									
Oh, yeah. No. That’s—uh—impossible to follow. And I think most people—it just goes right through ‘em.
ross
									
It’s akin to blinding with science. It reminds me of the Gish gallop that was, uh-
carrie
									
Anti-evolutionist guy?
ross
									
Yeah. Dwayne Gish. He was known for just trotting out so many falsities and kind of half-truths and points against evolution—do ‘em so quickly that the time it would take to disabuse the audience of every one of those points would keep you busy way beyond your ten-minute response.
carrie
									
Mm. Mm-hm.
ross
									
Um, so—uh, anyways. Yes. That sounds very frustrating.
carrie
									
And then you find yourself having to make this larger point like that with your time.
ross
									
Exactly. Yeah. Okay—
carrie
									
Do you see what he just did?
ross
									
Yeah! Let’s take a step back and analyze what’s happening here!
carrie
									
[Through laughter] Right.
ross
									
Instead of communicating science, we’re talking about… logical fallacies now.
carrie
									
Right. I wish I could tell you about Tick Dalick, but— [Ross laughs.] —I only have a few minutes. Let me tell you about this idiot! So—okay. So she says, “Anybody here ever”— [Laughs.] I swear to God this is the question. “Anybody here ever been sad or anxious?” [Laughs.] So hands go up. People have, in fact, been sad or anxious before.
ross
									
People in that room?!
carrie
									
Yeah!
ross
									
Oh!
carrie
									
Yeah.
ross
									
Oh, goodness.
carrie
									
And she says— [Ross takes in deep breath, lets it out with a “phwoo!”] That is all coded in your DNA. So she says—what is the cause of all problems? She’s pointing out at the audience like she’s looking for an answer.
crosstalk
									
Carrie: And we wanna help. Ross: Money!
carrie
									
We want so bad to help! [Laughs.] Yeah. So people start saying—“Fear!” [Laughs condescendingly.] No. [Ross laughs.] Um, one person goes—“Love?” [Through laughter] She’s like—no.
ross
									
This is the worst college professor ever.
carrie
									
[Through laughter] Yeah. So she answers the question. It is vibrational mismatch.
ross
									
Oh, that was my 88th guess! [Carrie laughs.]
crosstalk
									
Carrie: And everyone goes—[with dawning realization] ahhhhh. Okay. Ross: [Mimicking Carrie’s “ahhhh,” then draws it out to different pitches in a silly way.]
carrie
									
Oh, yes. She also keeps saying—does this make sense?
ross
									
No!
carrie
									
And there were a few times that I said, no. [Ross laughs.] Uh, but—most people were saying yes.
ross
									
Did you get any, uh, side-eye?
crosstalk
									
Carrie: I don’t think so. I don’t think so. Ross: For doing that? Okay.
carrie
									
Oh, yeah. She said—now what we deny and repress gets expressed. Does that make sense? Do you understand that?
ross
									
Okay. What we deny and suppress gets expressed—uh, that’s actually, like, the most substantial thing I’ve heard so far.
carrie
									
Mm. I’ve heard that before.
ross
									
Yeah. Well—
carrie
									
That saying. But.
ross
									
Yeah. I mean, that just makes me think, like, if you kind of raise your kids in a culture of sexual repression?
carrie
									
Mm-hm.
ross
									
It’s gonna come out and it’s gonna come out weird!
carrie
									
Yeah! Okay. Yeah. Fair enough. Or if you like bottle up an emotion and think, like, oh, this’ll pass. But then it just keeps biting you in the butt.
ross
									
Yeah, yeah.
carrie
									
Yeah.
ross
									
But it has nothing to do with your DNA.
carrie
									
Oh, yeah! And then she also stopped some talkers. She’s like, please—please stop. I can’t—I can’t understand—I can’t hear myself think when you do that. Like, she had a real aggro way of dealing with—
crosstalk
									
Carrie: —those kinds of interruptions. Ross: Wow. Yeah. Her pet peeves.
carrie
									
Um, okay. So.
ross
									
Cool. Cool.
carrie
									
She explains to us that there are another ten strands in the DNA.
ross
									
Whoa, what?
carrie
									
Yeah.
ross
									
Beyond the two we know about?
carrie
									
Uh-huh.
ross
									
This reminds me of, like, string theory. Like, there’s folded-up dimensions?!
carrie
									
Yeah. I guess so!
ross
									
Okay.
carrie
									
So she tells us—you can actually control quite a bit by understanding these other ten strands. Now, all of humanity has death programs. Which means that we get the impression that we’re gonna die. But we can actually control when and how—and whether!—we die.
ross
									
Oh, we need to add her to our list of death watch people. Like--
carrie
									
Totally.
ross
									
She needs now to live to, y’know--
carrie
									
Forever.
ross
									
140 or something.
carrie
									
Yeah. We should just keep—on our deathbeds we should pass along a list of, like, “I need someone to check in on these people!”
crosstalk
									
Ross: [Through laughter] Yeah. That’s right. Carrie: “Like, when you’re dying you pass this on!”
ross
									
This might just be a good Wikipedia list to assemble. Like, people who—who make claims about, uh, long life. And just have their name. Have it registered. Make sure that we know their prediction and what age they were when they predicted it.
carrie
									
Yeah, that’s, uh, that’s a good idea! Someone do that! [Ross laughs.] So—you can also control… when, how, and whether your companion animal dies. Which--
crosstalk
									
Carrie: --good news for me! Ross: Oh! Now Carrie’s ears perk up.
carrie
									
[Laughs.] You’re telling me! [Ross makes the Scooby Doo inquisitive noise.] I need [through laughter] more information! So she says—okay. So. Every person has a crucifixion implant unless they’ve cleared it.
ross
									
That’s correct. [Laughs.] [Carrie laughs.]
carrie
									
If you have ever been involved in any religion in any lifetime, you have this! Okay? Some of you have a Black Lilith program. That means you’ve been alienated from your divine feminine. And we can inherit all these from our ancestors. From our past lives. Some of you have an insignificance complex if you weren’t famous in any of your past lives. And listen! I’m not paid to be here! I do this out of love! I’m trying to get you guys to this more advanced state. A lot of you are probably experiencing Armageddon programming. You fear the end of the world. But all of these things can be treated by treating your DNA. And people were so enrapt in this. Like, much more than the previous talk. They were like—every word was, like, whoa! Yes! Oh, wow! Interesting!
ross
									
Did you get the sense that most of the audience were hearing her for the first time?
carrie
									
Oh, that’s a good question. Probably most, but there was someone a couple rows over who kept, sort of, repeating buzzwords and stuff in a way that signaled, like, “I follow your stuff.”
ross
									
Oh, yeah. Okay. Gotcha.
carrie
									
But I only noticed that about one person.
ross
									
Mm.
carrie
									
She also told us that AI? Artificial intelligence? Any time you run into an artificial intelligence, it is a soul who caused so much harm they are not allowed to have a body. Mm-kay?
ross
									
Uh, is she talking about like an AOL chatbot--
crosstalk
									
Carrie: Yeah, I was just thinking— Ross: --from back in the day? [Laughs.]
carrie
									
Or—or, like, yeah. The bad chat feature on a website— [Ross laughs.] --that’s like, [mimicking AI voice] hello, Carrie. Can I help you? Sorry you didn’t get a body.
ross
									
[Through laughter] Yeah, right! [Carrie laughs.]
carrie
									
Oh, yeah. Okay. Real bummer. So then she says, um, everyone’s got sexual misery programs. Every person has it. These are all, y’know, things we inherit in our DNA. But some people have it the worst. And these are the people with gender identity disorder.
ross
									
Oh no!
carrie
									
And you hear me go—[sighs deeply.]
crosstalk
									
Carrie: [Still sighing] Oh, man. Ugh. Ross: Yeah. The—the audible sigh.
carrie
									
So she said, this is huge right now. It makes you want to slice off body parts. It causes confusion--
crosstalk
									
Carrie: --and sexual misery. Ross: Oh, no.
carrie
									
Yeah. I know. It’s like, oh, fuck. Why are we doing this? And she said something like, I know this will be controversial—but it clearly wasn’t in that room. I seemed to be the only person upset by this. So now she’s like, okay. But let’s get to these next ten strands. So I guess those were all in the first two? [Sighs.] So science has proven that there are ten more strands. Based on the vibration. And then she says—this make sense? Oh, and everyone said yes. And I said, no? Uh—[Laughs.]
ross
									
Science has proven that there are ten more strands and theyr’e vibrational. Neh--
carrie
									
Based on the vibrations.
crosstalk
									
Ross: Oh—ahhh! I—I’d—rmmm. Carrie: And--
carrie
									
What is the portal to the other ten strands, she asks? Anybody? Anybody? Ross, you wanna guess?
ross
									
Uh, it has to do with vibrational—let’s see. Wait. Vibrational… intentionality.
carrie
									
No! Compassion.
ross
									
I’ve heard of that. [Carrie laughs.]
carrie
									
The old paradigm is selfish--you know, we used to all be me, me, me! But this new paradigm is selfless. It’s compassionate. And I discovered all of this by extracting from the non-physical world. Because you know scientists can’t see clearly! I can explain dark matter better than a physicist can!
ross
									
Wait, I thought science has proven her point and now she’s saying—scientists can’t explain any of this!
carrie
									
That’s a stellar point. But this was all moving past me very fast.
ross
									
I’m trying to think if there’s ever a legitimate sentence that starts with the phrase, “Science has proven that…” [Carrie laughs.] ‘Cause I feel like science-minded people don’t use those words that way!
carrie
									
Mm-hm. Usually not. You’d usually say a particular study or a law or--
crosstalk
									
Carrie: --a theorem. Ross: Constant observation has shown--
ross
									
--that the earth is spherical.
carrie
									
Sicnece has shown that germs are real. I’m trying to think of something super basic. Science has shown gravity exists.
crosstalk
									
Carrie: I feel like— Ross: But I don’t know. I--
ross
									
I don’t think I hear that being used.
crosstalk
									
Ross: By people saying rational statements. Carrie: Oh, yeah. For sure.
carrie
									
I feel like it’s something you’d hear from, like, uh, someone up to age, like 13.

									
Mm.

									
I’d accept that as, like, yeah! You got it. You got it, kid.
ross
									
Oh, right. Right. Right. Yeah. That’s a good point. But when you become an adult, you should put away childish things. [Carrie laughs.]
carrie
									
[Through laughter] And reference your studies.
ross
									
And not start phrases with, “Science has proven that…” [Carrie laughs.]
carrie
									
Okay. So. She can explain dark matter better than any physicist. Okay? Great.
ross
									
Oh, I’m looking forward to it.
carrie
									
[Laughs.] So—uh, strands three and four help clear out your first two strands. While the fifth strand is the fifth dimension, which is Christ’s consciousness or crystalline consciousness. You follow? Make sense? Mm-hm.
ross
									
Well, I follow. [Carrie laughs.]
carrie
									
So you need the sun to activate your DNA! UV? It’s not real. It can’ tburn you. Okay? Why do we think it can burn us? Because our reptilian ancestors, they got burned. It put into us this program that [stupid voice] “Oh, the sun burns” [regular voice] but it’s not true.
crosstalk
									
Ross: No. UV radiation— Carrie: Okay.
ross
									
--actually can be ionizing.
carrie
									
I was in the front row so I could just sort of like look confused and she’d look at me? [Ross laughs.] Um, so I said, uh, “So should we not wear sunscreen, then?” And she was like—[scoffing laugh] “Should we not wear sun—yeah, honey. You don’t need to wear a sunscreen.”
crosstalk
									
Carrie: Okay. Ross: Oh, no!
carrie
									
Very cool. Okay. So then she said—who in this room is afraid of viruses? And there are probably 45 people in this room? And I and one other person raised our hands.
ross
									
That you’re afraid of viruses?
carrie
									
Yeah!
ross
									
Virii?
carrie
									
Yeah.
ross
									
Okay.
carrie
									
You know. Broadly speaking. Like, they are a concern. Right?
ross
									
Yes!
carrie
									
Okay.
crosstalk
									
Carrie: Hand up. Ross: Absolutely!
carrie
									
Yeah!
ross
									
That’s a legitimate concern! [Carrie laughs.] Get your flu shot!
carrie
									
And she—uh, kinda chuckles at the two of us. Uh, and she--
ross
									
Coronavius is not a Democratic hoax!
carrie
									
Or any kind of hoax! SO she’s like, vaccines are… well, I wrote down “bullshit” but I doubt she said bullshit. But, y’know, she says—vaccines are—you don’t need them. Because activating these codes in your DNA makes you immune to all viruses! Okay? Okay. So the next three strands are the original divine blueprints. They’re the ones that make you fully healthy; no disease; no trauma. Make sense? Everyone goes—yes! She’s like, great. In a few generations, there will be no sickness and illness!
ross
									
Well, that would be nice if true.
carrie
									
Uh-huh!
ross
									
What—why haven’t they activated before? Why do we have to wait a few generations?
carrie
									
Psh—I—maybe we’re all going to get this healing from her? And then…
ross
									
Well, do it now?
carrie
									
Yeah, right? Okay. Then she says—a lot of these codes also come from animals. So for example, a cow teaches us self-nurturing because cows are such good mothers.
ross
									
Are they particularly good mothers?
carrie
									
Yeah.
ross
									
Alright.
carrie
									
They are good mothers.
ross
									
Cool.
carrie
									
But that’s not self-nurturing, that’s nurturing someone else.
ross
									
Mm-hm.
crosstalk
									
Ross: [Through laughter] Definitionally true. Good point. Carrie: Yeah. THat’s—[Laughs.] Yeah.
carrie
									
Anyway. Tomorrrow, she’s going to be doing a DNA activation online. The sun gives her the codes. WE’re all evolving from carbon-based to crystalline-based life forms, so be sure to jump on the internet with her. She’s gonna go into 6D. She’s gonna go into the universal laws. The Akashic Records.
ross
									
Wow. Okay. I knew we had to get there at some point. [Carrie laughs.]
carrie
									
We’re gonna get past that old paradigm of dead and kill-pushing and brainwashing! The one that tells you to be afraid to express who you are! Which—now I’m thinking like, okay. Well, you’re a transphobe!
ross
									
Ah. Yeah.
carrie
									
Yeah.
ross
									
Yeah, right. Just a little spoiler for one of my talks—this won’t be the last time we hear about the Akashic Records.
carrie
									
Oh!
ross
									
This conference.
carrie
									
Okay. So at this point, I’m getting unusually annoyed?
ross
									
Yeah. I feel like when I’ve been bombarded with, uh, that kind of frequency of… the quick statements that can’t be evaoluated; I can’t process them. I can’t speak out against them. I dissolve in a few different ways. One might be laughter.
carrie
									
[Through laughter] Mm-hm.
ross
									
One might be irritation.
carrie
									
Mm-hm.
ross
									
It all depends on the situation and how tired I am or how much I want to, like, have a say in this.
carrie
									
[Laughs.] Sure. Yeah. There’s that aspect and then—layer onto that being—saying some extremely harmful things have implemented.
ross
									
Yeah!
carrie
									
Holy moly. And it’s just flying past you.
ross
									
Did you ever get through all the strands? I feel like…
carrie
									
[Laughs.] I don’t think so!
ross
									
We—we were stranded somewhere in there. [Carrie laughs.]
carrie
									
Okay. So she’s wrapping up now. She says—okay. I can see in the back theyr’e trying to get me to finish up, so listen. I can love anyone. I really can. And we are all star-beings. Some people spot it. Some people don’t. But I see it in you. And then she says, did everyone get signed up on the mailing list? And a few of us hadn’t. And she was like—Laurie! I need you to be more proactive with the clipboard? [Ross laughs.] Some volunteer comes around—[nervously] here’s the clipboard!
ross
									
I feel like this is another theme that emerged at this conference was these very spiritual people being snippy with their lackeys.
carrie
									
[Through laughter] Being super bossy? Yeah.
ross
									
These weren’t the only times. [Carrie sighs.]
carrie
									
So anyway. If you jump on her website, and join her for her online… DNA activations, you’ll get the sacred key codes.
crosstalk
									
Ross: Alright. Well, you convinced me. Carrie: And--
carrie
									
Uh--
ross
									
Where’s her website?
carrie
									
It is LoriSpagna.com. So L-O-R-I-S-P-A-G-N-A.com. Last thing that happened is—her mic accidentally got turned off? And she thought that was a signal from the orgnizers, like, you’ve so overstepped your time that we turned your mic off? So she gets fucking pissed.
ross
									
Ohh!
carrie
									
She’s like—oh! Interesting. I guess they turned my mic off. Well that’s no problem because I can project.
ross
									
Oh!
carrie
									
She starts, like, shouting at the room. And like--
ross
									
Whoa.
carrie
									
It was—yeah. It was uncomfortable. And then… It kinda clicks to life and you can hear it next to her? It comes back? She’s—she goes—oh. [Forced laugh.] Okay. Sorry. I guess that wasn’t—I’m—I’m sorry. I guess I need to clear another blame program. [Fake laughs.]
ross
									
I wish I was in a relationship with her. [Carrie laughs.] It—okay. Looking at her, uh, I don’t know. At least the first photo reminds me a little of Margot Kidder, who played, uh, Lois Lane in the, uh, late ‘70s, early ‘80s Superman films.
carrie
									
Okay. So. I will cut it off there.
ross
									
Okay.
carrie
									
And see if we can top that in our next episode.
ross
									
Wow. Okay. Yeah. Next episode I’ll be able to talk about my first talk, which I’m very excited about! [Carrie laughs.] I can’t wait to share this one with you.
carrie
									
I think I know the one! [Ross laughs.] You just gave me a tiny taste while we were there and you were so happy! [Ross laughs.]
ross
									
It was amazing. Alright. Uh, so more to come. And—yeah! Thanks for, uh, coming with us to the Conscious Life Expo!
carrie
									
Yeah!
ross
									
And we’ll be back! But—in the meantime—that’s it for our show!
carrie
									
Our theme music is by Brian Keith Dalton.
ross
									
Our editor if Victor Figueroa.
carrie
									
Our administrative manager is Ian Krrr…amer?
ross
									
You can support us in all of these investigations, what we do, and feeding our cat and dog at MaximumFun.org/donate. The MaxFun Drive is coming at some point in the near future and you should, uh, you should join then. ‘Cause--
crosstalk
									
Carrie: [Muttering] That’s maybe the way to [inaudible]. Ross: Yeah. I mean. It’s gonna be realy good.
carrie
									
[Still muttering] It’s going to be very, very good. [Louder, and a deep, goofy voice] You can also follow us on social media! Twitter.com/ohnopodcast.
ross
									
And Facebook.com/ONRAC—O-N-R-A-C!
carrie
									
[Different goofy voice] Or maybe leave us a positive review on iTunes! [Laughs.] [Ross laughs.] [Regular voice] This really hurts! [Laughs.] [Ross laughs.]
ross
									
So just, like, leaving a positive review.
carrie
									
Yeah, yeah.
ross
									
Yeah, do that!
carrie
									
Do that. [Deep voice] [Inaudible] is forged. [Ross laughs.]
ross
									
And remember—
clip
									
Speaker: You have to honor that before you can really anchor into 5D. You have to honor and anchor in oneness. All beings are the divine! All beings can come here. All beings have a choice! You’re not leaving your body, by the way. It’s not leaving the body. It’s not going from here to there. It’s not spatial. You’re existing right here, on earth, walking next to somebody, realizing—I’m an angel and they don’t know it!” [Appreciative laughter.] Speaker: You’re dropping pearls of wisdom at the grocery store line. No attachment. Things like that start changing in your reality! So realizing you’re having new conversations with new people hwo you really like and enjoy! They don’t bring you down anymore! They actually lift you up and you lift them up, too! Right? Life starts changing. Things happen! You suddenly get bumped up to first class! You suddenly get a free Expo ticket! You suddenly meet friends who fly you to Hawaii for free! All kinds of things start happening for you because now you’re living in a new reality! You only changed from within! Nothing else changed. The same old external reality. They have just no idea how this works. You can try to tell them—be positive. They’re ilke, yeah. I try to think positive. You can say, okay, well shift your inner thoughts—they’re like, “What?” [A few scornful chuckles from the audience.] Speaker: They don’t even hear you! Okay. This is when you start getting really anchored in 5D and you’re activating more of this stuff. Now—what I want to say is from here, thi sis where the good stuff in all the DNA starts activating. This is where you really start activating your DNA codes. So in the DNA are codes. Crystalline codes. Christ consciousness codes. Understand Christ’s consciousness has nothing to do with religion. It has to do with crystalline conscious—
music
									
“Oh No, Ross and Carrie! Theme Song” by Brian Keith Dalton. A jaunty, upbeat instrumental. Continues playing in background as clip continues.
clip
									
Speaker: --the crystals in the inner earth are holding this. [Theme song finishes.]
clip
									
[Airplane intercom chimes.] Speaker 1: This is your captain with an update from the flight deck! We’ll be reaching Max Fun Drive on… March 16th. That’s right on time. As a reminder, Max Fun Drive runs for just two weeks and it’s the best time of year to support the podcasts you love. If you look towards the front, you’ll see your favorite hosts with special bonus content and lovely thank-you gifts for new and upgrading monthly members. Now, sit back. Relax. And catch up on your favorite Max Fun shows now! So you can listen to the new episodes releasing March 16th. And thanks again for choosing Maximum Fun! [Airplane intercom chimes.]
clip
									
Music: Cheerful banjo music plays in the background. Biz Ellis: Hi! I’m Biz. Theresa Thorn: And I’m Theresa. Biz: And we host One Bad Mother, a comedy podcast about parenting. Theresa: Whether you are a parent or just know kids exist in the world, join us each week as we honestly share what it’s like to be a parent. Biz: These are really hard questions! Theresa: They are really hard questions! Biz: [Voice getting louder and more agitated] I don’t have any answers for that! Theresa: I don’t either! Biz: [Yelling] Sack of garbage! Theresa: I know! Biz: [Yelling in frustration] Ahhhh! Ughhh! [Laughs wildly.] Ahhhh! The end of the show will just be five minutes of Biz— [Theresa giggles.] Biz: —and Theresa crying and screaming until the outro is played. So join us each week as we judge less, laugh more, and remind you that you are doing a great job. Theresa: Find us on MaximumFun.org, on Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts!
speaker 1
									
MaximumFun.org.
speaker 2
									
Comedy and culture.
speaker 3
									
Artist owned—
speaker 4
									
—Audience supported.
About the show

Welcome to Oh No, Ross and Carrie!, the show where we don’t just report on fringe science, spirituality, and claims of the paranormal, but take part ourselves. Follow us as we join religions, undergo alternative treatments, seek out the paranormal, and always find the humor in life’s biggest mysteries. We show up – so you don’t have to. Every week we share a new investigation, interview, or update.
Follow @ohnopodcast on Twitter and join the Facebook group!