Judge John Hodgman Episode 184: Return to Chambers

| 21 comments

Bailiff Jesse and Judge Hodgman return to chambers to clear out the docket.

WHERE CAN I SEE JUDGE HODGMAN IN REAL LIFE?

Great question! Judge Hodgman is out on the road this month, finishing up his 2014 tour dates in the Northeast United States! Go go go! Find a tourdate in your area here.

SUBSCRIBE TO THIS PODCAST in ITUNES or the RSS FEED

And if you can stomach it, scroll down for photos from this week's episode.

Judge John Hodgman's figurine

Nightmare Gerbil's Slow Demise

Comments

It has probably been infested

It has probably been infested with bugs. That is what Google says about hair loss on taxidermy.

off topic

you can only hear the good judge reference moxie so many times before you start fantasizing about putting him in the logo

http://i.imgur.com/kG2DN44

NIghtmare gerbil

I just wanted to warn you about the liability suit I will be submitting in the near future. It seems that Judge John Hodgman has failed to warn me, the listener, that it will be impossible to unsee this nightmare inducing visage, regardless of how many times I look at a samurai gorilla. Thanks for a great show.

JOHN RULES!

Judge Hodgman is the greatest podcast in exsistance.

I discovered this podcast 6 months ago unemployeed and upset.
The judge gave me comfort, his fatherly voice of reason surgicaly cutting away excuses but leaving your feelings unscathed and Jessie,... Shutting pie holes like your cooler, older brother letting you know you've spoken out of turn with out shameing you anymore than is needed.

Today I became a donor and then bought a "podcast justice" shirt for my wife to show our support.

and i like Jessie have taken to using my fathers nonsence words in my household
a puh-vee = pillow
tootises/toddies=feet/socks/shoes
green bags=all trash bags(even black or white bags)

all cats are kittys all dogs puppies and any rodent(hamster gerbil rats) is a mouse

JOHN RULES!

Judge Hodgman is the greatest podcast in exsistance.

I discovered this podcast 6 months ago unemployeed and upset.
The judge gave me comfort, his fatherly voice of reason surgicaly cutting away excuses but leaving your feelings unscathed and Jessie,... Shutting pie holes like your cooler, older brother letting you know you've spoken out of turn with out shameing you anymore than is needed.

Today I became a donor and then bought a "podcast justice" shirt for my wife to show our support.

and i like Jessie have taken to using my fathers nonsence words in my household
a puh-vee = pillow
tootises/toddies=feet/socks/shoes
green bags=all trash bags(even black or white bags)

all cats are kittys all dogs puppies and any rodent(hamster gerbil rats) is a mouse

Clearly Not a Gerbil

Hi Your Honor,

I think what you have here might be a Stoat, although when I double-checked this theory on Wikipedia just now, I found another thing it might be: The Least Weasel. The difference between the Stoat and The Least Weasel is the Stoat has a black tail tip and Least Weasel does not, which I guess might be difficult to verify in this case, since the hair has fallen out.

The animal certainly has a weasely body shape, anyway...

I love your Podcast, John. I love your books even more. The first time you appeared on The Daily Show (as a guest--not a commentator) I was so enthralled, I ordered "The Areas of My Expertise" from Amazon right then--before John was even done interviewing you. And a good decision that was--it has become the absolute most favorite book I have ever read. Thank you so much for the many hours of hearty, soul-and-brain-satisfying laughter and delight.

Best regards,

Heidi Sanna

http://heidisanna.com/

Pedantic note

Shouldn't the creature be referred to as a nightmare "grrrbil?"

Pedantic note

Shouldn't the creature be referred to as a nightmare "grrrbil?"

spectacular!

This is so awesomely horrible I cannot hold back giggles like I'm in elementary school and someone let out an audible fart. Long live the nightmare gerbil

Nightmare Gerbil

What is that around its neck?
Is that meant to weigh it down so it cannot strike?
Did it arrive with that?
Is it an amulet to hold the dark spirit(s) at bay?

Please tell us???

spectacular!

This is so awesomely horrible I cannot hold back giggles like I'm in elementary school and someone let out an audible fart. Long live the nightmare gerbil

Nightmare Gerbil

I believe you will find that the so-called "gerbil" is in fact the long-sought Chupacabra- those bottom teeth are clearly meant to puncture goat necks. The hair loss is actually a seasonal coat change that allows it to hide in the winter snows of Mexico, and the reason they are now critically endangered.

Someone (not verified)

The lamp on your desk

I'm just curious, where did you get the lamp on your desk?

the gerbil

First of all, it is most certainly a squirrel.
Be that as it may, it is also certainly filled with beetle larvae which are soon to burst forth. There is a lot of frass.......

Nightmare Gerbil Identity

Firstly, I'd like to inform you that the photos of the demise of the nightmare gerbil caused me to laugh so hard I had an asthma attack.

Secondly, in case anyone was curious I thought I'd shed some light on the actual identity of the gerbil. It appears to be mostly comprised of a long-tailed weasel corpse, horrifically amalgamated with some sort of rodent teeth for purposes known only to the taxidermist. Many rodents naturally have orange teeth, such as rats, degus, beavers and nutria. In this case, I suspect the teeth were transplanted from a rat, presumably also deceased. This is alarming, as it raises the possibility that there are TWO vengeful spirits now awakening on the bedside table.

Your devoted listener,

Tessa

To Clarify

I maintain that this is a much better story than the actual origin story of it being a boring old squirrel. However, my conscience couldn't let it stand without clarification that I made it up "for the lols" as the kids say. Cthulhu forbid that you repeat it over the air and receive irritating pedantic e-mails as a result.

-Tessa

Nightmare Squirrel

That has to be a former squirrel, right? I'm pretty sure that rodent is no gerbil. Whatever it is, you are correct in that it is nightmare fuel.

Also, Judge Hodgman, your gorilla is wicked cool.

-Craig

In case you guys are

In case you guys are wondering, these clearing the docket episodes are the absolute best. Please, please keep them coming and thank you.

When you're right, you're right.

Dear Judge Hodgman,
You said I wouldn't be able to help myself; I would look. (check)
You said it was truly horrifying. (check, check)
I knew better. I was warned. (ugh)

Human frailty, thy name is April. (check, ugh, checkity check check)

—April in Hillsborough, NC

This might help...