Transcript
biz ellis
Hi. I’m Biz.
theresa thorn
And I’m Theresa.
biz
Due to the pandemic, we bring you One Bad Mother straight from our homes—including such interruptions as: children! Animal noises! And more! So let’s all get a little closer while we have to be so far apart. And remember—we are doing a good job.
music
“Summon the Rawk” by Kevin MacLeod. Driving electric guitar and heavy drums. [Continues through dialogue.]
biz
This week on One Bad Mother—pandemic summer! Wooo! We talk to Dr. Lena van der List, a community pediatrician with UC Davis Children’s Hospital, about COVID restrictions for the under-twelve set. Plus, Biz loves a library.
crosstalk
Biz and caller: Woooo!
caller
I’ve never wooed before. That was fun! So. [Biz laughs.] How am I doing? I’m not doing well with forms, is what I have realized. And I feel like I’m not ready for return to real world and real life. Because I have had failed with three different forms today for my kids. I’m supposed to take kindergarten form to the pediatrician today for my son’s five-year checkup. And I filled out the part I’m supposed to fill out and I left it on the counter and I didn’t have to go back and get it. So I didn’t get that done. And then… at the doctor, they gave me the paper of, y’know, the summary of his visit? And recommendation for the dermatologist he needs to go to. And I left that there in the exam room and they can’t find it. [Biz laughs.] And then I go to drop him off at pre-K, and it’s gonna be a scorcher. It’s gonna be like 89 degrees today and I have not filled out the form that says he’s allowed to wear sunscreen. That they can put sunscreen on him. [Laughs.] [Biz laughs.] And luckily they had one printed out and I filled it out, but like… I… can’t handle forms right now. It’s too much. I used to be able to? And I think I have just lost the skill. And… yeah. I don’t think I’m ready. But. Hope everyone else is able to keep their paperwork in order ‘cause I certainly cannot! Everyone’s doing a great job. Bye!
biz
Well, first of all, you are doing a very good job. You are just checking off that list of forms that you forgot or failed to fill out or lost. Now I mean, that’s—you are just an overachiever in doing that three times in a row on the same day, and your child’s just about to go into kindergarten. Good job. Yeah. I fucking hate forms? I believe I’ve said that on the show numerous times. I never have all of the information I need handy. I think a couple of weeks ago I shared a genius that I was gonna come up with a contact card with the medical information I needed to include on every form I ever fill out. I haven’t even done that. The form that I need to do that for is still sitting on my kitchen counter, gathering various stains. And then you have to decide, “Am I the parent who sends the form in with the stains?” Like, with the coffee or the wine stain or just a grease smudge. “Or do I have to go reprint out the forms and put it in?” But I think all of us, thanks to the pandemic and parenting in general, are probably more comfortable than ever with being that parent. [Laughs.] That. Parent. That sounds like a ‘60s sitcom. [Singing] Who’s that parent wearing pajamas to school? Who’s that parent? Dropping off forms like fools! What? [Regular voice] Okay. That actually went with it. Anyway, I think yo’re doing a remarkable job, and you are not alone! You’re not alone. Speaking of doing a wonderful job and not being alone, it’s time for thank-you’s. [Singing] It’s still COVID! COVID summer is upon us! So I’m just gonna hit it. [Regular voice] Thank you, everyone in the medical profession. Pediatricians. OB/GYNs who are holding our hands through this very scary time of being pregnant during the COVID. Thank you to everyone who has been working tirelessly in our hospitals and clinics, taking care of those who have been infected with COVID. Helping them to recover. And thank you to everyone who keeps those facilities running, from a maintenance standpoint or a cleaning standpoint. Keeping everything safe. And thank you to everybody who has created the vaccines, administered the vaccines, and helped make an appointment for us to get vaccines. [Singing] Get vaccines! Get, get vaccines! [Regular voice] Also, thank you to teachers. School’s out for summer. School’s out for ever. Nope! It’s not. But school is out for right now, and I really, really, really hope that all teachers and all the people who work in school administration—I hope you all get a serious break. And I hope that if you received any thank-you gifts from families, they were actually usable. [Laughs.] And not just a mug. [Laughs.] I always think that teachers must open their cabinets and there’s like nine thousand “You’re a great teacher!” mug. [Laughs.] I’m just like, “Here’s some cash.” Thank you. Thank you for everything you’ve done this year. You’ve had to juggle going back and forth from remote learning to in-person learning, and it must have been completely mind-numbingly exhausting. And I appreciate you. And as always, thank you to everyone who’s just been helping everything function? And feel normal. Everybody at grocery stores. Everybody at shops. To all the restaurants who are reopening. We are coming once we’re vaccinated. [Laughs.] And to all of our different package/food/things-we-need-right-away carriers. People who are out there delivering stuff. I see you and I appreciate you. And as always, thank you to everybody who has gotten vaccinated. [Singing] Thank you, thank you, thank you! Thank you, thank you, thank you. Thaaank you!
biz
[Regular voice] Now, special thank you. And it’s a check-in for me as well. [Singing] Libraries! Libraries! That’s my I want to go to—[Regular voice] Gabe is just like, [through laughter] “What the fuck is going on with you?” Gabe is in full support of me losing my mind on the show. My local library is open again. And I gotta tell ya—I have gone and I have wandered. Everything’s rearranged. That’s okay. But I have wandered that library. I have chatted with librarians. I have browsed sections I wouldn’t normally browse, and it has been heaven. Also, the summer reading program is kicking off for kids. And I fucking love a summer reading program. Even if your kid isn’t reading, they can participate in the summer reading program. Every library’s got one! And there’s prizes! And there’s activities! My library even has an Animal Crossing library meetup for teens! Aaaah! So I—[Laughs.] I might join and pretend I’m a teen. It’s just so great. So please do not forget to check out your local library with summer offerings. I know in mine, preschool story time has come back. And I just realized how much I have basically raised my kids at the library and what a part the library has played in their lives. And in fact, I just got an email from one of our children’s librarians who is leaving to go get her master’s degree in library science, and I just got really affected by that. Just knowing she knew my kids by name. She was able to recommend books. She was always aware of what they were into at that moment. My kids were so comfortable talking to her. And they just had ownership of that library thanks to her. And so I just—for all children’s librarians, I just want you to know I see you and you really do have an impact. Now. Speaking of impact. Pandemics. COVID. New restrictions. What does that mean for those of us with children under twelve? Well today, we’re gonna find out when we talk to Dr. Lena van der List, who is a community pediatrician with UC Davis Children’s Hospital. And I pummel her with questions about what I can and can’t do. [Laughs.]
music
Banjo strums; cheerful banjo music continues through dialogue.
theresa
Please—take a moment to remember: If you’re friends of the hosts of One Bad Mother, you should assume that when we talk about other moms, we’re talking about you.
biz
If you are married to the host of One Bad Mother, we definitely are talking about you.
theresa
Nothing we say constitutes professional parenting advice.
biz
Biz and Theresa’s children are brilliant, lovely, and exceedingly extraordinary.
theresa
Nothing said on this podcast about them implies otherwise. [Banjo music fades out.] [Biz and Lena repeatedly affirm each other as they discuss the weekly topic.]
biz
This week, I am so excited because I really need to talk to this person. I believe everybody who listens to the show has heard me say how desperate I need to talk to somebody about this. Dr. Lena van der List is a community pediatrician with US Davis Children’s Hospital in Sacramento, California. Her clinical interests include newborn care, adolescent medicine, and creating a medical home for children with complex medical needs. She is the coauthor of the US Davis Children’s health podcast for parents, Kids Considered. Little does she know it’s not the kids we’re considering this time around! [Lena laughs.] This is definitely the parents we’re trying to consider right now. Welcome, Lena! Woo!
dr. lena van der list
Oh, thank you so much for having me! I’m excited!
biz
In case anybody couldn’t guess, I’m here to ask her questions about COVID. [Both laugh.] Like not about, y’know, it’s definitely not about my children specifically. So that’s very good. [Lena laughs.] Welcome. I wanna ask—we do ask all of our guests the same question at the beginning, which is—who lives in your house? And this can be pets, animals, ghosts, children, people, whatever! [Laughs.]
lena
[Laughs.] So I live with my husband Tom, and we have two cats, Moe and Seymour, a black Lab, Layla, and we will be adding our first human child to the family coming up in November. So.
biz
Congratulations!
lena
Thank you. Thank you.
biz
That is gonna actually be a beautiful segue into some of my first questions. [Lena laughs.] So I wanna give everybody the setup here and make sure that I am letting Lena off the hook. Okay. Everybody, these new guidelines came out about COVID and mask wearing and what’s okay and what’s not okay. And Lena, I felt like… that came out and my first thought was, “This is great for single people.” [Laughs.] Without kids. So I—my first question legitimately is, has anything changed in terms of COVID and risks and, y’know, dangers and all of that for the rest of us. For those of us living with children.
lena
Yes, I get it. I get it. And I thought the same thing, like, “Okay, well, that’s great.” But it’s kinda like a helmet, right? You’re not gonna tell your kids to wear a helmet and then not wear—maybe some people will. [Biz laughs.] Not wear one role-modeling it for them, right? And so luckily—to answer your first question, has anything changed, yes. We have extremely effective vaccines. The caseload of COVID is going down. And so the risk to kids is less. So we can all feel really good about that. But when kids are not vaccinated, the risk is still there! Right? And so the best way to protect themselves is by masking and distancing and doing all the things that we’ve still been doing over this past year. And so unfortunately for kids that aren’t vaccinated, we can’t say bye-bye to the mask requirement.
biz
Well there goes thirty of my other questions. Dammit! [Both laugh.] Alright.
lena
Well, yeah. We can talk through different scenarios and I just want to say—I am a general pediatrician. I obviously get asked a million questions about COVID but I’m not an expert on COVID. And as all of you know, this changes so rapidly. And so I would just suggest if you have specific questions about your child, to reach out to your pediatrician. We all love talking about this. [Biz laughs.] But I will do my best to answer your questions and kinda think through it with you.
biz
That would be really helpful. Because—and I wanna add to that, to our listeners, and say if you are still scared of everything—if you’re in my camp—none of this that we’re going over is supposed to make you feel like, “Oh, well I guess I have to get out there. It’s me. It’s not you.” But if you’re also ready to lick a Subway pole, you know what? That is also probably not okay? But I am not here to judge. So this is really just about… trying to talk through some of these questions and concerns that we all have. And I guess… there is this sudden feeling of comfortableness around the country with the new regulations. Like, I feel like it would be really easy for me to be like, “It’s all good. COVID’s over.” So just for fun, you can tell me COVID’s not over one more time. [Both laugh.]
lena
COVID is definitely not over.
biz
Dammit! [Laughs.]
lena
It is not over. But it is improving. And we are so, so lucky in the United States to have the access to the vaccines. And so you guys are gonna be so annoyed at my by the end of this because my one thing is just to say—if you have access to a vaccine and you have not gotten it? Please, please, please get it. Convince all of your loved ones to get it. Because that is the way that we are able to lick the Subway pole. Right?
biz
Yeah! Welcome to New York! Let’s get back there, baby! Alright. But actually, I would like to—let’s do this first! Let’s help comfort people. I—we love to poke our kids every birthday. Right? “IT’s your birthday! You’re gonna go in and get stuck.” That’s great. And when our kids become of age, we’ll stick ‘em. No problem. And I will say that in the past, they have both had very mild reactions to different vaccines. None of that’s ever prevented me from wanting to stick them again. But I like knowing it so I know, “A little Tylenol here, a little fever’s gonna show up, it’s okay.” Y’know. But then in talking—I just assumed everybody thought the same way I did. Ha, ha! Everybody listening to this show knows that that is not true. [Laughs.] That I’m a weirdo. [Lena laughs.] But like with the vaccines, I did. And I have now talked to two different people who both think vaccines are good, but are nervous about a new vaccine like this. I think there’s something about it being brand-new that makes people…
lena
Hesitant. Nervous. Yeah!
biz
So talk me through it.
lena
Yes. So y’know, these vaccines—specifically you’re referring to the mRNA vaccine, which is the Pfizer vaccine and the Moderna vaccine. It is new, but it’s not new. It’s really been studied for years. But it is the first time that we’re using it on this kind of mass immunization scale. What is reassuring for adults—I’ll go into it for a sec because I’m not an expert in adults. Who are you people? But—[Laughs.]
biz
We smell bad.
lena
I’m an expert in little people. [Laughs.]
biz
We smell bad. We don’t, say, take yes very easily. We’re very picky. Go ahead. [Laughs.]
lena
Yes. Is that the trials initially had over 30,000 people in them. And they included all different ages and genders and races and backgrounds and people with preexisting medical conditions and all of those things. And they were found to be extremely safe and effective. And that has proven to go on as we’ve vaccinated millions of people. Of course there are always going to be side effects. So you’ve heard those stories.
crosstalk
Biz: I had ‘em! I had a fever. Yeah. Lena: I got a few—you’ve had ‘em, right?
biz
I got a fever. I felt like crap the second day.
lena
Yeah. I felt like crap and then was fine.
biz
And then was totally fine. I got it and then got pregnant. Y’know? Like—
crosstalk
Biz: Woo! You got pregnant! Lena: It doesn’t cause infertility!
biz
[Cheers] So you got pregnant after the first shot, or after both shots?
lena
Both shots.
biz
After the second? Ooh, we gonna get into pregnancy in a second. Okay. Go ahead.
lena
But what I’m saying is that it is totally okay to have concerns, but it’s also—we have to look at the crisis that we’re facing and the dangers that this presents in our community. For our loved ones. And really work together as a public health. Right? When did people forget about public health? About taking care of each other and protecting each other?
biz
Last year. [Both laugh.] I don’t know.
lena
I don’t know. Sometime. But it is really a safe—it’s an effective vaccine. If you have specific questions about your own medical conditions, talk to your provider. But let’s talk about kids, specifically. So it was recently approved for the emergency use authorization for Pfizer for twelve years and up. How old are your kiddos?
biz
So mine are seven and eleven. And the thing that stinks about the eleven-year-old is they are in the same—like, they’re a summer birthday. So all of their friends are twelve. So.
lena
Well, that’s good because he is probably—he or she—is probably hanging out with people who are vaccinated. So that’s great.
biz
Okay. Good. [Laughs.]
lena
So we know kids have strong immune systems. Right? This study—so Pfizer studied this vaccine in kids in that age group. So the twelve through the sixteen ‘cause it was originally approved for sixteen and up. In about a thousand kids in each group. And what they found was that it was in the study period—which was usually they follow these kids for about two months after—there were no severe side effects. So no anaphylaxis or those severe allergic reactions that we worry about. The most common were the ones that you and I had. Sore arm. Fever. A little headache. A little muscle aches. And they showed 100% effectiveness in their group. And so it’s really amazing. And the other vaccine companies are studying this and now Pfizer's going down and studying this in younger and younger kids. So I 100% back getting this vaccine in your kids twelve and up. We’ve been giving it. They’ve been having great responses. And I expect that this will continue to happen.
biz
[Sings like angelic choir.] Alright. [Lena laughs.] This is good. Let’s now move onto ridiculous questions that you will answer “no” to every single one. Here we go! [Lena laughs.] Everybody—[Laughs.] Do people wanna have this as a drinking game. Every time I ask essentially the same question but with different words and the answer’s “no.” So I’m just gonna start with—‘cause this is the one that came to my mind first when the new regulations came out. When the parents of two families are vaccinated, and they wanna get together with their children, who are not vaccinated—and I’m just talking the two families. Not a party. It’s outside. No one has to wear a mask. Inside, the kids should still wear a mask. I mean, what’s the best practice in that particular scenario?
lena
Yeah. So a lot of this is going to be knowing your individual risk and your individual risk tolerance. Like, I always love these conversations with families. So is there someone in your family that couldn’t get the vaccine for whatever reason? Or do you have an elderly person, let’s say. There’s very few contraindications to getting the vaccine but that’s neither here nor there. [Laughs.] And is that family that you’re going out with a little loosey-goosey about who they hand out with? [Biz laughs.] And who their kids hang out with? Are they out at big parties, or are they just as uptight as you about COVID and maybe you guys have been—
crosstalk
Biz: [Whoops] Uptight! Lena: —in a bubble! [Laughs.]
lena
I’m totally for the uptight. [Biz laughs.] So if it’s just two families and two or three kids and everybody is taking this seriously and you’re outside, kids without masks, I think, is a reasonable choice. It’s also reasonable that they are masked. A lot of kids are great at wearing masks! Like, phenomenal!
biz
Oh, they want to wear the masks! Yeah. Yeah.
lena
They want to wear them!
biz
It’s weird. And terrifying on some level. [Lena laughs.] But my kids? Always like, y’know, “I would prefer that we have masks.” Y’know? And I’m like—
lena
Which I think is great! Y’know?
biz
It’s very nice. [Groans.]
lena
Yes. [Both laugh.] And inside, y’know, for unvaccinated people I’m still recommending masks inside.
biz
And when we say “unvaccinated people,” we are saying kids. Because even if the adults are vaccinated, the adults and the kids should be wearing masks? Or can adults be jerks without masks while their kids wear masks?
lena
That’s like the helmet scenario, right? I mean, I always—I’ve always felt uncomfortable with that where the adult isn’t wearing their helmet and the kid’s wearing the helmet. But the risk in the adult that’s vaccinate dis very low. It’s very low. And following CDC recommendations, they do not need to wear—and even the risk of transmission to the child is low. So there is a reasonable situation where parents are in the house unmasked and the kids are masked. But to me, it feels a little…
biz
Yeah.
lena
I don’t know. [Laughs.]
biz
We—[Laughs.] My youngest had a playdate with a friend and they usually play outside, but this was the first time we were like, “If you wanna play in your bedroom—” ‘Cause it was boiling hot. “We will let you.” And I knew both of them would be wearing their masks and I had been outside. And when I come in, there’s Stefan, my husband, in the kitchen. Nowhere near the kids. But with a mask. And I was like, “This is what we’re doing! Oh! No! We forgot to talk about this beforehand!” [Laughs.] “Oooh, poop!” Y’know. And so then my oldest walks through and says, “I hate wearing a mask at home.” [Both laugh.] So yes. I—basically, I… I understand the helmet. Y’know. Theory. It’s… ugh. Okay. More questions for you to tell me really it’s all about my own personal risk. [Lena laughs.] We’ve already done “Can I let masked kids into my house?” [Laughs.] So essentially if everybody’s in a good position and vaccinated, yes. Is there ever a situation in which—again—I guess the answer is the exact same one you gave me. But let’s say it’s a family that’s got vaccinated adults and vaccinated teens, but there’re still one or two under-twelve kids. It’s still… the risk is low, but you should still wear the masks if you’re gonna be inside and really make decisions based on who these people are you’re letting into your house.
lena
Yeah. And so maybe we can talk about how many kids get COVID. Right? Because—so—
biz
Yeah! Tell me that!
lena
—overall—yeah! [Both laugh.] Because a lot of people will say, y’know, “Oh, it doesn’t matter. Kids don’t get COVID.” Or “Kids just get really mild disease.” Right? You’ll hear that a lot. Like, “Oh, maybe they can get it but thye’re not sick. They don’t get sick.”
biz
Well that’s another question! Is—what do we know now about COVID in kids versus all the baloney they were feed—we were doing at the beginning?
lena
Yeah. So we know that over the course of the last year, about 3.8 million kids have been infected with COVID. So that’s about a little under 14% of all of the cases. And 316 kids have died. So, so far, fewer than adults. Right? That is a much smaller number. If we think about this in comparison to the seasonal flu—like, influenza every year? Usually between a hundred and two hundred kids die from flu. With the caveat that this year—given we were all wearing masks and no one was in school and we were distancing— [Biz laughs.] —one child died from flu this year.
biz
Wow!
lena
So you can think, “Okay, well what would’ve happened with COVID had we not had all these strategies in place? We weren’t masking. Kids were in school. What would the number look like then?” Do you know what I mean? And so—
biz
Well it’s also impressive to think, wow! By all of us wearing masks and being reasonable people, we went to just only losing one child to the flu! And I don’t wanna ever lose any children, but I will wear a mask every day if that is… if it’s affecting the numbers like that.
lena
Like that. Oh yeah. I mean, the respiratory season basically just crashed. I was just sitting there twiddling my thumbs all winter. [Laughs.] [Biz laughs.] Yeah. But I mean, these are—so it’s not insignificant. Just like you said. Any child dying of this is too much. Right? And so when people are like, “Well, kids don’t get sick,” then I’m kind of like, ‘Well, they do. They still can.” Right? And like you asked some of—what else do we know about kids and COVID? I’m sure—have you heard of the MISC or Multisystem Inflammatory Syndrome in children?
biz
This is basically the… like, worst-case—besides death—worst-case scenario where everything kinda shuts down. Right? Is that accurate?
lena
That’s accurate. Yeah. And so usually it occurs about two weeks after the kids have the virus and they have very severe symptoms. So they can have really bad abdominal pain and diarrhea. Their mental status is not quite right. They may have a rash. These kids are really sick. And so we’ve seen that. We’ve seen that at my hospital. Y’know. We’ve treated kids for that. We know that about 14,000 kids have been hospitalized due to COVID-19. So it is not nothing. It’s nothing to pooh-pooh. Right? Like, “Oh, well. Y’know. Kids don’t get that sick.”
biz
To me it just goes back to the original question of, “Has anything changed if you’ve got kids that aren’t able to be vaccinated?” No! Not really! I mean, I can socialize with my adult friend when my children aren’t home—like, outside on the porch unmasked because we’re both vaccinated—but if we’re all gonna be around each other… yeah. We’re still in masks. Okay. Believe it or not, babies were had over the last—[Laughs.] Year. And change.
lena
Fewer than we thought there was gonna be!
biz
I know, it’s so funny! What—people didn’t wanna get it on during a pandemic? Nope! So—[Laughs.] When their other children are home all day long? I don’t understand! [Lena laughs.] So—some children were born. [Laughs.] During it. And some people are pregnant right now. Like, you are pregnant right now! And so I guess there’s two parts to this question. One, if you’ve had a baby during this time, I gotta imagine—it’s already like… in the best of circumstances, sort of scary to take your baby out into the world for the first few times. God. I mean, until—I still don’t wanna take mine outside and they are way past being a baby. But I gotta think that’s extra hyped right now. So let’s start with—so you have a baby. And you wanna leave your house. For a variety of reasons. [Laughs.] Your sanity being the main one. Can you talk about what the risks and best practices are there? Because you can’t put a mask on a baby! Not really. Yeah.
lena
No. We’re still recommending no masking for kids under the age of two. And so y’know, this is tough. This has been such a hard year for new parents. I mean, it has been really devastating to see the loss of their support systems. The extra help. Y’know, some of them moved to a new place and then this hit and they’re like, “Okay, here I am, inside all the time with my baby.” And so I think it’s important to remember that really babies under two months old—even before COVID—you don’t want to get them any germs. They are… yes.
biz
Sure. Sure!
lena
So they are really vulnerable. They haven’t gotten their first set of immunizations yet which they get when they’re two months old. And any fever, we say, in a baby that age is an emergency and needs to be seen right away. And so like always—always—people should be being careful. I mean, great! I hope the masks stays around for—
crosstalk
Lena: —one year [inaudible] baby under—right? Biz: Yeah. I plan on never—I have had a great time not being sick, guys. [Laughs.] For a whole year.
lena
Yeah! So wearing masks with babies? That’s totally reasonable to continue to do with new babies. But of course, y’know, families—if they wanna get outside, go for a walk, socialize with people as they’re outside—I think that is a totally reasonable thing to do. The other thing is to make sure you cocoon your child with people that are vaccinated. So if grandma is gonna get that vaccine for anything, it’s gonna be holding that baby. And so if you’re like, “Um, no, sorry. You cannot hold the baby until you’re vaccinated.” Use that card. Use that card.
biz
Oh yeah. That’s good! So are you saying—alright. I have a baby. I do not have a baby, everybody. I have a baby. And I am vaccinated. And my partner’s vaccinated. And our childcare provider—a babysitter or grandparents… everybody’s vaccinated. So everybody can touch that baby with clean hands, just like normal. But they should also be wearing a mask!
lena
I mean, yes and no. [Biz laughs.] Yeah. I mean, no. I mean—I think that if everybody is vaccinated and they have clean hands and they have no symptoms whatsoever—no runny nose, no cough—they can just hold the baby without—I mean, they don’t need to wear a mask. I was sort of joking, although, y’know, I think it would be beneficial? [Lena laughs.]
biz
Sure. It was a pediatrician. It’s like, god, that would—y’know. I keep joking about when we all went back out into the world? When we went back to some remote learning and I was like, it’s like the preschool all over again. Everybody’s just getting that first dose of other people’s germs. But then it didn’t get that bad ‘cause everybody was wearing masks!
lena
Yeah. And I also worry about their ability to recognize facial expressions and y’know, the development. So in younger babies like, do they know I’m smiling at them? Do they know that I’m like trying to—so that’s important, too.
biz
Should we panic if we’re parents and we don’t think our children are getting enough facial recognition? [Lena laughs.]
lena
No.
biz
Okay, good.
lena
Make sure you’re giving that to them when you’re at home and you have your masks off, though. So much story time and tickles and, y’know. Interacting with them ‘cause we want them to get that.
biz
So if I’m pregnant during this time—you know something about this—what should I feel okay doing? I mean, look. The world already takes away all of your rights to make choices for yourself when you’re pregnant. [Laughs.] I mean, wow! How fast did you become somebody who couldn’t make decisions? “Don’t eat meat! Don’t eat that salami! God! Don’t eat shrimp!” I dunno. Sushi—is it rice? What? Just everything. “Should you have that coffee? Should you?” [Lena laughs.]
lena
You sound like my husband. [Laughs.]
biz
I know! Yeah! I’m like, “Screw you! One cup of coffee—the French. The French are drinking their wine! I’m pretty sure!” Anyway. But now—[Laughs.] Now there’s a pandemic. So. What—
lena
So I’m not a obstetrician or OB/GYN. But the data— [Biz laughs.] —the data is very clear that COVID is a risk in pregnancy. And so the main organizations have recommended vaccination during pregnancy to protect yourself and protect the baby. SO talk to your specific doctor. I think they’re gonna—most are recommending getting the vaccine. And still being careful! Because we know COVID is a risk for preterm delivery and other complications as well. So unfortunately, just one more thing to worry about. But if you’re able to get that vaccine, is it a big, y’know, kind of sigh of relief.
biz
Well all that tells me is that you better make a really good baby wish list. Like, whatever your—Amazon baby registry? Whatever it is? Make sure there’s a whole “Just for mom who had to have a baby during a national pandemic—international pandemic!” [Lena laughs.] Put something good on there!
lena
Absolutely, yeah. Just all of your own—y’know, you can maybe register at BevMo!— [Biz laughs.] Or—
biz
That’s right! That’s right. Wine of the Month Club. Coffee of the Month Club. Cake of the Month Club. Whatever it is. Let this be a moment for you to start showing yourself self-care and setting some boundaries. That’ll all go out the window. Alright. Let’s see. Let’s just do—it’s summer, so let’s wrap up on some summer fun questions. [Laughs.] ‘Cause nothing spells “summer fun” like COVID and masks. [Lena laughs.] Though my skin might be healthier than it’s ever been under a mask. Okay. Here we go. I’m gonna throw out some summer situations. And you’re gonna [through laughter] say— [Lena laughs.] —you’re gonna say “Ya can’t do it” or “Really, it’s fucking up to you, grown woman. I’ve just told you all the basics.” Alright. Here we go. At the pool!
lena
Yeah. Outside. I’m guessing it’s not an indoor pool?
biz
No, it’s not an indoor pool. Summer. [Lena laughs.] Outdoor pool. Indoor pools are [makes game show wrong answer buzzing noise]. Alright. So outside, you’re at the pool. You’re not swimming in a mask.
lena
No you’re not. I think that’s a go for it as long as it’s not a super packed community pool or something like that. [Biz laughs.]
biz
I just think about like—we always talk about going to water parks and the lazy river is just basically like a urinal that you’re just riding around in and it’s my favorite ride. I do not care. SO there’re probably greater risks at the pool besides the COVID.
lena
You’re more likely to come home with diarrhea than COVID.
biz
Yes! [Laughs.] We should have a summer card—BINGO card. Okay. Beach! I am going to a beach.
lena
Yeah!
biz
[Laughs.] Yay!
lena
Y’know, I grew up in San Diego, so some of those beaches are packed. But yes. I think outdoor. Outdoor activities I’m all for. Just make sure you put sunscreen on your kids and don’t forget to reapply it.
biz
Theme parks! Theme… parks. Some of those have decided to reopen. In fact, my husband works doing themed entertainment design. So it’d be great if theme parks wanted to open again. But like, that seems—
lena
Masked. I’m gonna go, “Masked.”
biz
Okay. Definitely masked. Should you—[Laughs.] Should you just wear Clorox wipe pants and just every time you sit down just rub it and then—yeah? Alright.
lena
That sounds reasonable.
biz
Lotta—sounds totally reasonable! [Laughs.] Alright. Definitely masked. Okay. Movie theatres.
lena
[Draws a deep breath, then releases it slowly.]
biz
I know! This is new! They’re opening back up! So—and this is what I mean by like… they’re opening up. One foot is in COVID and the other foot is in “everything’s fine; nothing is going to break again.”
lena
I think—it’s gonna take me a long time to go back to a movie theatre. But masked? With limited capacity? Maybe.
biz
Okay. Summer camp. Some people are going back to the summer camp. And I’ve—and there’s a variety of summer camps. There’s sleepaway camp. There are day camps. That’s it, actually. Those are the two types of summer camps. So again, I know a lot of this comes down to your family’s risk. Y’know. What you’re okay with.
lena
I mean, I… I am so—this year has been so hard on kids. They got—I feel like they got the worst end of all of it. And we see that in the mental health rates. The number of suicide attempts that we’re seeing in our EDs. Just the depression, the anxiety. Y’know. Across the board. It has been so rough. And so when I think about things, I will… if it can be done safely and kids can wear masks and you can get them back together with their peers and give them a little bit of normalcy? I am on board with it. I have been on board with schools getting back in session for much longer than a lot of other people. With appropriate mitigation strategies.
biz
I mean, we opened up our fucking gyms.
crosstalk
Lena: Exactly. That was my same thing. I was like— Biz: But I’m like, once again—
biz
I’m like, do you remember—it was like with the mask mandate. I’m like, “Do you remember kids? They exist in the world! Why are you guys opening all these things?!” For like—I—aaah! I would’ve loved to have schools open earlier.
lena
Me, too.
biz
Alright. So the big takeaways today are: talk to your own doctors. [Laughs.] If you have questions. Wear masks. Just keep wearing masks. Just—I mean, they’re—they’re good for a variety of reasons. Yes, you can go maskless in certain situations if you have done your risk assessment when it comes to who you’re having over. Who you’re being naked-faced around. As well as your kids. And here is my final question: I’ve been having this apocalyptic thought for the last couple of weeks. Is there danger—[Laughs.] Of Americans getting too comfortable, resulting in school not being remote in the fall? Because… when we were gonna go have Thanksgiving, everybody’s like, “It’s Thanksgiving, so here are all the risks. We’re gonna have this big bump.” Right? Like, after all the—and I know that we’re vaccinated now? But again, everybody’s just like, “Ooh, yeah! Gotta get together!” Like—but no one’s talking about bumps! So is somebody gonna fuck this up for me? ‘Cause if they do, I am going to lose my mind.
lena
[Laughs.] So I think we are in a different place than we were. The vaccines are a total, total gamechanger. And so y’know, yes. There is danger of letting our guard down too quickly? But we are doing a great job of getting vaccinated. And of course there are communities that are holding out or are not doing as great of a job? But I think that as vaccination rates continue to go up—and that’s why I’m really gonna plug this—if anyone listening is hesitant to get the vaccine, please consider it and please talk to someone that you’re comfortable with! Someone that’s had the experience! That’s gotten it! “Why have you done that? What’s the difference?” But as the vaccine rates go up and the caseload goes down, I don’t think we’re gonna get rid of COVID. We aren’t gonna get rid of COVID. It is gonna be in our community. But it should be mild or so it should become like one of the respiratory illnesses that we see every year. And so I don’t think, y’know… I don’t—I can’t predict. [Biz laughs.] But I—y’know, and I will go crazy with you if school is not in person in the fall, too. I will be out there on the picket line.
biz
Oh my god. Just…
lena
But I think that we are heading in the right direction as long as we continue to look at this as something that can be tackled by the vaccine.
biz
Dr. Lena van der List, you are a gift. I want to say thank you so much for coming on and putting up with all my questions. And I know—what I want this to prove to people!—is that doctors are totally prepared to listen to all your questions. Even if it’s the same question over and over. [Lena laughs.] ‘Cause you’re still not happy with the answer. So thank you so much for coming on and just walking through this. And congratulations on your pregnancy. And… all the things that are ahead for you. [Laughs.] And you will be great. You will be great! You will be great. And being a pediatrician will not mean that you’re gonna nail it. ‘K? That—just—sorry. Don’t take that pressure right off yourself ‘cause that’s… [Lena laughs.] Not how it works.
lena
No.
biz
So we’ll link everybody up to where they can listen to the Kids Considered podcast, as well as resources on COVID and vaccines and all of these things. So thank you so much for joining us!
lena
Thank you for having me. It was fun.
biz
It was fun. [Laughs.]
music
“Ones and Zeroes” by “Awesome.” Steady, driving electric guitar with drum and woodwinds. [Music fades out.]
music
Cheerful ukulele and whistling plays in the background.
theresa
One Bad Mother is supported in part by Made In. Made In is a cookware and kitchenware brand that works with renowned chefs and artisans to produce some of the world’s best pots, pans, knives, and wine glasses.
biz
[Singing] IIIIIII have their knife with the bright red handle! [Regular voice] I got their chef’s knife?
theresa
Oooh!
biz
Guys, that is a nice knife. And I just sliced an onion without sawing or like—[Laughs.] I forgot how beautiful a new, sharp, well-balanced knife can be. Their knives are fully forged, perfectly balanced, and stay sharp. Now Stefan and I fight over a knife! Instead of a knife fight!
theresa
Right now, Made In is offering our listeners 15% off your first order with promo code “badmother.” This is the best discount available anywhere online for Made In products.
theresa
Hey, you know what it’s time for! This week’s genius and fails! This is the part of the show where we share our genius moment of the week, as well as our failures, and feel better about ourselves by hearing yours. You can share some of your own by calling 206-350-9485. That’s 206-350-9485.
biz
[Singing] Genius fail tiiiime. Wooo! [Regular voice] It’s summer, Theresa! Woo! Let’s stick our feet in the pool, shall we? Woo! [Theresa laughs.] Are you relaxed?
theresa
I’m… sweaty!
biz
Oh. [Laughs.] Check! [Laughs.] [Theresa laughs.] Oh. Alright. Well, it is summer. And so let’s hear the good news. Genius me, Theresa.
clip
[Dramatic, swelling music in background.] Biz: Wow! Oh my God! Oh my God! I saw what you did! Oh my God! I’m paying attention! Wow! You, mom, are a genius. Oh my God, that’s fucking genius! [Biz and Theresa repeatedly affirm each other as they discuss their respective genius moments of the week.]
theresa
I can. And I also have a—it is a very summertime-themed genius moment this week. I had a super-soaker battle with Oscar, my seven-year-old. Just the two of us. We went all out. We got very aggressive. [Biz laughs.] We tried to stick to the rule of below the waist, but… things got a little outta hand. But we had the best time. And I set aside enough time for it and decided in advance that I would just be in my bathing suit and just not worry about my hair getting wet and just everything? And we just had the best time! It was such a happy, good bonding experience. Just for the two of us. And I mean I really had fun. So.
biz
Oh, I’m so glad! Good job!
theresa
Thank you.
biz
I mean, also good job getting—[Laughs.] Not making it be spontaneous? I mean, that! There’s… sometimes we’re just like, “Race, race, race, race, race, race, race!” And spont—no! I’m not doing something fun! Right?
theresa
Or like, “Oh, okay. I guess… I can do that with you right now for a little bit. But I’m not—I don’t wanna get wet.” Yeah.
biz
Yeah! It’s not as good. I think that is great. And there is some sort of sweet spot about seven and water gun play. I just… fucking love it.
theresa
Definitely. Definitely. Yeah.
biz
Well, I did get my hair cut.
theresa
Wow.
biz
I got some of the hairs… cut. [Theresa laughs.] I am happy with the cut.
theresa
Okay.
biz
But like—
theresa
I actually can’t see it!
biz
I know. You can’t see it ‘cause it’s up in a ponytail. But Stefan was like, “…Nice. Mmmm.”
theresa
Ah.
biz
And then I had a friend over the other day for porch coffee, and I pulled it down real quick to be like, “I got the cut!” She was—I was like, “I got a shag!” And she was like, “It is a shag.” L[Laughs.] ‘m like, “Oh god dammit!” Like, I appreciate that it’s gonna need to settle in? And you know what? I kind of like it! It’s just a slightly—now, up in a ponytail it looks exactly like it’s looked for forty years. But when it’s down there’s a little Joan Jett action happening? And sometimes I forgot to say that if you’re gonna shag it up and layer it, don’t make the layers too small at the top? Because that gets kinda poufy. And then only one half of my head is poufy. I forgot to say that. But! Overall, I am happy with it and it is not in my armpits. Was there a genius? I don’t know. It’s done. It’s done!
theresa
You got the haircut. And it sounds like you feel good about it regardless of what other people… think?
biz
Yeah. Of—of it—yeah! I don’t—I don’t know.
theresa
Okay.
biz
But it’s cut.
theresa
It’s cut. Okay.
biz
And I didn’t dye it!
theresa
Yes!
biz
I cut it so that I could really see—like, ‘cause it’s all grown out. All the color’s grown out. There is a mix of the grey and the brown and the—there’s so many different things happening. I actually think I like it, so I want it to sit in a good cut for a while to see how I feel about it. Anyway.
theresa
Love it. Great strategy. Well done. You look beautiful.
biz
Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.
caller
[Answering machine beeps.] Hi. This is a genius. A super-duper genius. [Biz laughs.] Last week we went to the zoo by our house. A very small zoo. And they had finally opened the ray tank with—y’know—COVID restrictions. But it was finally open. And my kid was super into it. So this week we went back and I was prepared and I brought a baby carrier for his nine-month-old brother and I brought a change of clothes and I just let him hang out at that tank for as long as he wanted. [Biz laughs.] And we were there—no joke—for over an hour and fifteen minutes. Got soaking wet. But he pet ray after ray after ray and he pet a shark. And he is so psyched. And I don’t care that we didn’t see the rest of the zoo. He had the best day of his three-year-old life! So I’m winning! I’m a super mom! And you know what? Sorry, y’all. So I just wanted to let you guys know that. Talk to you later. Byeee.
biz
I’m not sure what—“Byeee!” I’m not sure why you’re apologizing! Who’s mad at you?
theresa
Who’s against you here?
biz
Not us!
theresa
Everyone’s on your team! We love you. We think you’re amazing.
biz
Yeah! Yeah! I am as thrilled as your three-year-old with this! That kid just wanted to do this one thing! And it gave you an hour and a half of just sitting! I mean, with your baby, but still. It’s… I think you’re amazing.
theresa
I think you’re amazing, too. Such a good job.
biz
Yeah. Such a good job. Failures!
clip
[Dramatic orchestral music plays in the background.] Theresa: [In a voice akin to the Wicked Witch of the West] Fail. Fail. Fail. FAIL! [Timpani with foot pedal engaged for humorous effect.] Biz: [Calmly] You suck! [Biz and Theresa repeatedly affirm each other as they discuss their respective failures of the week.]
biz
Fail me, Theresa.
theresa
Okay. This is just, like… [Laughs.] Classic forgetfulness brain fog fail. But in a new setting. So I was on a walk with Gracie, my nine-year-old; Oscar; and one of our dogs. And we’re going for a walk and the dog, y’know, pooped and I put the poop in the bag and I said—as we sometimes do ‘cause there’s no trash cans—I left it in the road so that we could pick it up on the way back ‘cause I didn’t wanna carry it for the whole walk and I knew on the way back we could pick it up and toss it on the way back. And so I sometimes forget these and I’m not okay with forgetting them? I go back for them ‘cause I think it’s horrible? But I said out loud to the kids, “Anybody who helps me remember this bag—” [Biz laughs.] “—gets a piece of candy when we get home.” [Laughs.] And they were immediately competing for it. And I was like,” No, no, no. All you have to do is help remember and you will get a piece of candy. It’s not like who remembers first or who picks it up or anything.” And they’re like, “Okay, cool.” So we go on our walk. We have a nice walk. We’re walking back. And we just totally walk over it. Like full-on—this is a dirt road. And it’s a black trash bag of poop in the middle of the road. All of us walk past it. Walk over it. Don’t even see it. We keep going for the longest time. And then we get almost home and I said, “Oh my god, you guys. Guess what? Guess what we forgot?” And they’re both like, “What?” They’re looking at me. They have no idea. And then finally one—I can’t remember—one of them was like, “Oh! The poop bag!” And I was like, “Yes!” And so then we turned around and we hauled all the way back to get it ‘cause I told them they wouldn’t get their candy if we didn’t go back. [Laughs.] [Biz laughs.] But what was also amazing was that Oscar and I realized that the conversation we’d been having when we passed by it the first time? Was a conversation about how forgetful or not I am. I was arguing that I don’t forget things and that I remember things really well? And Oscar was arguing that I always forget things? And we were having that conversation while we walked past the first time.
biz
Wow. Wow.
theresa
That’s all.
biz
That’s… perfect.
theresa
Yeah!
biz
It’s perfect.
theresa
So just imagine that my life is like that… [Biz laughs.] All the time. About everything. [Laughs.] ‘Cause that’s how it feels.
biz
I think it’s really nice when our kids help point out things to us? [Theresa laughs.] And want to have discussions at great length.
theresa
Uh-huh.
biz
About disagreeing with personality traits that we have.
crosstalk
Theresa: Oh yeah. That’s so nice, isn’t it? Yeah. Yeah. Biz: And self-image. It’s great.
biz
That just segues right into my fail! Definitely having another one of those “I’ve raised monsters.” I know my children are not monsters. I get it. They’re nice. Nice kids. Nice kids. But! [Laughs.] But. I gotta tell ya—I got the younger one—who just yells at me. All the time! Like, I just… “I’m gonna need you to find other ways to tell me I didn’t get the right Lego piece from the pile. Not yell ‘That’s wrong!’’ Right? Or ‘Get me another piece.’ ‘I need a different piece. Would you mind finding it?’” Right? Or the older one—when I’m in an activity and they decide to come upon me and talk to me and sometimes just touch me! “Boop! Boop! Boop!” “I’m gonna boop you!” “Boop! Boop! Boop!” And I say, “I’d like ya to stop. I’d like a little time to focus on the thing I’m doing.” And then responding to me as if I’ve said, “I do not love you and you will never get anything nice ever again.” In which I have to then take more time—
theresa
Do more. Yeah.
crosstalk
Biz: Do more to assert that that’s not true. Theresa: To fix it. Yeah. Yeah.
biz
And y’know? I just…
theresa
It’s exhausting.
biz
The rolling—I mean, you can roll your fucking eyes all you fucking want. Right? But if I ask you to pick a thing up, I do not want a debate! Pick it up!
theresa
Yeah.
biz
Pick it up! “Yes ma’am! Yes ma’am!” Just say “Yes, ma’am!” It’s code for “fuck you!” just say it! [Laughs.] [Theresa laughs.]
theresa
[Through laughter, and applauding] “It’s code for ‘fuck you!’ That’s great!”
biz
[Yelling] It is! It is! Just say it! [Regular voice] It’s better than saying [huffs angrily]. Or “Fine.” Or “I was on my way to do it.” Right? Just say “Yes, ma’am.” It means all those things! And it makes your mother happy. Whatever. They’ll be fine. I’m just like—I think I’ve just spent too long with my children!
theresa
Yeah. It seems like—it’s almost as if we’ve been home with our kids for too long and they’ve been home with us for too long and too much of a tight space with just the same people over and over, day in and day out? Seems like that might have some kind of… adverse affect on our relationships!
biz
Maybe I’ll make a note of that and bring it up with my therapist. [Both laugh.]
caller
[Answering machine beeps.] Hi, One Bad Mother! This is a fail. I love the show. I’ve been listening for a long time. And I was listening yesterday before I put my four-year-old to bed. And we were in his room in the dark and I was walking and singing different songs and I was kind of at a loss for what to sing next and I just kind of started singing the Mom Song by Adira Amram that you use in your show. And I got to the end of the clip and realized that I probably shouldn’t sing the rest of the song. Which I do know. But my four-year-old does not know. [Laughs.] And—so I just kind of stopped! And he was like, “Mommy, I like this song! How does the rest of it go?” [Laughs.] And I just sort of said, “I don’t remember!” [Biz laughs.] And I kept—and I picked a different song and I started singing it. But that was a fail. Don’t start singing a song unless you wanna sing the whole thing to your four-year-old. And I thought it was a little funny. You’re all doing a great job. Bye.
biz
I think you’re doing a wonderful job and it’s never too early to teach your kids about smoking weed with your mom! [Laughs.]
theresa
Yeah!
biz
‘Cause that’s what that song is about!
theresa
It is!
biz
And—
theresa
And it’s a great song.
biz
Oh, such a great song. And I love that it has been part of One Bad Mother since the beginning. And I think you’re doing a great job. Trust me. I got a long list of songs like that that I’ve started singing and then I’m like, “Oh! That’s not okay. Probably.” Y’know. But that’s what parenting’s all about! A great experiment. Is this a good idea, or is it a bad idea? [Theresa laughs.] Won’t find out ‘til tomorrow! So until then, you’re doing a horrible job? Singing your child to sleep? Yeah. Let’s go with that one. [Laughs.]
music
“Mom Song” by Adira Amram. Mellow piano music with lyrics. You are the greatest mom I’ve ever known. I love you, I love you. When I have a problem, I call you on the phone. I love you, I love you. [Music fades out.]
music
Mellow synth music plays in background.
biz
One Bad Mother is supported in part by Boll & Branch. Boll & Branch’s ultra-soft organic sheets are transparently sourced and produced in safe, fair conditions. You’ll feel a difference and know you are making one!
theresa
Guys, I am now officially ruined for sheets. [Biz laughs.] The difference between sleeping on ultra-soft sheets and just like the sheets I grew up sleeping on? It’s so different that I’m like a broken person now. I have to have my Boll & Branch sheets and they have to be clean. So when we’re changing sheets, we’re just gonna wash those sheets and put them right back on the other bed ‘cause I don’t want other sheets!
biz
You deserve the good sheets! [Theresa laughs.] To experience the ultra-comfortable sheets, choose Boll & Branch. You can try them worry-free for 30 nights, free shipping and returns.
theresa
And our listeners get an exclusive 15% off your first set of sheets with promo code “badmother” at BollAndBranch.com.
promo
Music: Three bouncy beats. Graham Clark: Hi! My name's Graham Clark, and I'm one half of the podcast Stop Podcasting Yourself, a show that we've recorded for many, many years. And, uh, at the moment, instead of being in person, we're recording remotely. And, uh, you wouldn't even notice. You don't even notice the lag. [Long pause.] Dave Shumka: That's right, Graham! And, uh, the great thing about this— Graham: Uh— Dave: Go ahead. Graham: No, you go ahead. Dave: Okay, and— Graham: Okay, go ahead. [Someone stifles laughter.] Dave: And you can listen to us, uh, every week on MaximumFun.org. Graham: Or wherever you get your podcasts. Dave: Your podcasts. Music: Three bouncy beats.
promo
Music: Upbeat, cheerful music plays in the background. Allie Goertz: Hi, I'm Allie Goertz! Julia Prescott: And I'm Julia Prescott. Allie: And we’re the hosts of Round Springfield! Julie: Round Springfield is a Simpsons-adjacent podcast where we talk to Simpsons folks about non-Simpsons things. Allie: That’s right. So, in the past, we’ve gotten to talk to legendary showrunners and writers, like Al Jean, Bill Oakley, Josh Weinstein, Dana Gould, Mike Reiss, and David X Cohen. Julie: Voice actors like Maurice LaMarche, Maggie Roswell, and Yeardley Smith, [excited] the voice of Lisa Simpson! [Chuckles.] Allie: So, we’ve been away securing guests for our final five episodes and we’re super excited about them. We’re gonna talk to Mike Scully, Jeff and Samantha Martin, Jeff Westbrook. And guys, our final episode, we got to interview Matt Groening. Julia: We’re so excited to share these final recordings. So, check out our new episodes of Round Springfield starting June 21st. Allie: On Maximum Fun or wherever you get your podcasts. [Music fades out.]
biz
Alright, everybody. [Singing] It’s tiiiime… to turn down the lights. [Regular voice] Put on some soft music. And listen to a mom have a breakdown.
caller
[Answering machine beeps.] Hi, Biz and Theresa! This is a mom having a breakdown. [Long pause. Sound of newborn cooing in background.] I have—three? Almost four-week-old? And Biz, I am in that dark forest. My forest is not to have golden sunlight and beautiful like Theresa’s. I am in your forest. And I don’t like it. [Cries.] And I just wish I could not be covered in vomit for like twenty minutes. [Sighs.] Thank you. You’re both doing a great job.
biz
[Sympathetically] Ooooh, mama. You are doing… a really, really good job. I am so sorry that you are in that forest. I can’t take the forest away and I just… I definitely understand. And at four weeks, the band-aid has just been fucking ripped off of you. I just—I am so frustrated that the world does not stop when there are newborns in a house! Everything is different for you!
theresa
Everything.
biz
Everything! And it’s—[lost for words]. And it’s no sleep! And there’s stuff coming out all the time! On you! So—I mean, it’s like the—even if it is a beautiful, sun-dappled forest. Even for those who have that forest experience, it is still a shock to the system. It is still a—what—where did I go? I mean, like you said, I just want not-puke on me for twenty minutes! And it’s not because you fucking hate puke, it’s that like… there’s just nothing that’s yours right now! Everything you’re doing is to support and care for a newborn! And it’s… it’s a lot. There is joy in it. There is also sadness in it. And that is okay. Okay? That is okay. That doesn’t make it better. But that is okay. And I… I just really… feel… feel this with you.
theresa
I feel it with you, too. And, y’know, I liked being in the forest most of the time. But I definitely had really hard days. Especially in the very beginning? Like the first few weeks when you’re really still needing care for your own body, but your body needs to care for this new baby’s body? And in our culture, even in the best of circumstances, we just do not care for postpartum moms properly. I mean… there are just so many more things that I think I needed early on that I just had to power through. And that’s what you’re doing right now. And I just wanna say that you are doing an amazing job. And it… feels like despair, but it won’t feel like despair always. Like, you—it’s impossible to see that it won’t feel this way? Right now? But it will. It will get better.
biz
Yeah. And just give yourself the grace to understand that it feels this bad right now. That it’s this dark. That it’s this scary. Don’t feel guilty about this.
theresa
It’s valid.
biz
It’s really—
theresa
It’s completely valid.
biz
Yeah. And we’re here. You just keep calling the Hotline. And leaving us messages. And know that there are people that are also there for you in your life. As always, we are—we are here to listen? And see you. And absorb your rants. And anything you need to say where you don’t feel like you can say it to others? But I also want to let people know about resources that I wish I had known about? When I was in my forest. So I just want you to know that in our show notes are links, but we’re also gonna include the National Postpartum Depression Warmline? Which is 1-800-PPD-MOMS. It is a wonderful resource and another place that is just there—like us—to absorb your rants. Mmkay? And to help remind you that you are not alone. Because you are not. You are amazing. Let’s wrap up today with a reminder that you’re doing a wonderful job! I—[sighs.] I’m thinking about our rant caller right here. And the dark forest and having that—a newborn in your house and how much that is. All the way to those with older kids that are going through their own weird forests where there are no direction signs as kids start to get older and start going through things that we didn’t think they were gonna go through? [Laughs.] Jesus Christ! That is an interesting—it’s more of an Alice in Wonderland forest that I’m in right now? Everything’s upside-down but right as rain! Doopity-doo! [Theresa laughs.] And all of this is happening when we still don’t have the resources that we used to have, which—let’s be honest—weren’t always the best. [Laughs.] This pandemic continues to serve as a reminder that families—people with kids in their house—need support. To do anything. And they deserve it. And I dunno, let’s get it together, country! You are doing an amazing job. And you have got summer. Theresa? You are doing such an amazing job. I love seeing you.
theresa
Thanks, Biz. So are you!
biz
Thank you. And we’re gonna talk to you guys next week.
crosstalk
Biz and Theresa: Byeeeee!
music
“Mama Blues” by Cornbread Ted and the Butterbeans. Strumming acoustic guitar with harmonica and lyrics. I got the lowdown momma blues Got the the lowdown momma blues Gots the lowdown momma blues The lowdown momma blues. Gots the lowdown momma blues Got the lowdown momma blues You know that’s right. [Music fades somewhat, plays in background of dialogue.]
biz
We’d like to thank MaxFun; our producer, Gabe Mara; our husbands, Stefan Lawrence and Jesse Thorn; our perfect children, who provide us with inspiration to say all these horrible things; and of course, you, our listeners. To find out more about the songs you heard on today’s podcast and more about the show, please go to MaximumFun.org/onebadmother. For information about live shows, our book and press, please check out OneBadMotherPodcast.com.
theresa
One Bad Mother is a member of the Maximum Fun family of podcasts. To support the show go to MaximumFun.org/donate. [Music continues for a while before fading out.]
music
A cheerful ukulele chord.
speaker 2
Comedy and culture.
speaker 3
Artist owned—
speaker 4
—Audience supported.
About the show
One Bad Mother is a comedy podcast hosted by Biz Ellis about motherhood and how unnatural it sometimes is. We aren’t all magical vessels!
Join us every week as we deal with the thrills and embarrassments of motherhood and strive for less judging and more laughing.
Call in your geniuses and fails: 206-350-9485. For booking and guest ideas, please email onebadmother@maximumfun.org. To keep up with One Bad Mother on social media, follow @onebadmothers on Twitter and Instagram.
Get in touch with the show
onebadmother@maximumfun.org
@OneBadMothers
@onebadmothers
How to listen
Stream or download episodes directly from our website, or listen via your favorite podcatcher!
