Transcript
music
“Oh No, Ross and Carrie! Theme Song” by Brian Keith Dalton. A jaunty, upbeat instrumental.
ross
Hello, and welcome to Oh No, Ross and Carrie, the show where we don’t just report on fringe science, virtual reality, claims of the paranormal, but take part ourselves.
carrie
Yep. When they make the claims, we show up so you don’t have to. I’m Carrie Poppy.
ross
And I’m Ross Blocher, and we’re going back to the Conscious Life Expo.
carrie
Yay!
ross
We never left. We were there the whole time.
carrie
It was quite a weekend.
ross
Waiting for you to come back so we could lead you around some more of the show floor at the LAX Hilton.
carrie
Uh, before we get started, Ross, a little somber note. [Ross affirms.] There was a recent death in the flat Earth community.
ross
Mike Hughes, who went by the moniker “Mad Mike” Hughes, he had built a number of rockets to propel himself ever higher and he wanted to demonstrate the flatness of the Earth. He thought that was the shape of things. He’d had a few attempts. One had gone, I think, well enough. One he’d been pretty seriously hurt with a back injury. You had talked to him by email a couple of times.
carrie
Yeah, we really wanted to go and see one of the rocket launches and he was very nice to me. We didn’t actually get to meet him, but when I heard that he was gone I did have that feeling of someone I know being missing, you know? He was very sweet.
ross
Yeah, as I recall he would give you kind of partial information, you’d say, “Cool, well what time is it gonna be?”
carrie
That’s right.
ross
And he’d say like, “See you Thursday.” [Carrie laughs.] “Wait, where are we going?”
carrie
Some definite mad scientist energy.
ross
It’s interesting. We posted about this and kind of saluted his enterprising spirit, and it sparked quite a debate amongst even our listeners. And I know that—well with the death of anybody, you know, it’s a sad time, and it’s extra complicated when it’s somebody who’s kind of promoting something that, um, is either not right, or in some cases harmful. There’s a lot of emotions there, that come along with an event like that.
carrie
And, when someone does believe something a little askew, the thing I really want from them is to be willing to test and really look at it, right? [Ross affirms.] And I really can’t fault Mike on that axis.
ross
Yeah, he was willing to not just build a rocket, but get inside of it. Hopefully there’s no copy-cats out there. Hopefully the lesson has been made that that can very much be a fatal activity. Anyways, we liked his moxy. You know we wish all of his supporters well, and hope nobody else tries that.
carrie
Yeah. Here’s to Mike.
ross
To Mike. The Conscious Life Expo!
carrie
So, if you’re joining us for the first time, you’re gonna wanna go back an episode.
ross
Well, yeah, cause we talk about all these amazing vendors we were running into, but there’s more—
carrie
There’s more!
ross
We mentioned this before, we only scratched the surface of this conference, and we thought that, “Oh, this would be a fun kind of exploration to do, to see what’s there.” There are so many things that we did not see and would love to tell you about. One in particular that stood out to me was a talk by David Avocado Wolfe.
carrie
Ah, yes. We’ve heard about him for a long time.
ross
I don’t think I’ve ever actually heard him speak directly.
carrie
Me neither.
ross
But we’ve been at conferences with him there.
carrie
And I only ever remember that name.
ross
It’s such a memorable name. But, yeah, he deals in a lot of, I think, alternative medical advice that he gives people. Well, he had this keynote workshop on Saturday. He only went by the name David Wolfe there, maybe he’s losing the Avocado? I don’t know.
carrie
Hm, interesting. Maybe it got too expensive.
ross
He’s got a goatee and a lot of curly hair that’s split right down the middle. [Carrie affirms.] It’s a look! Alright, so, The title of his keynote workshop was Detoxification: More Important Than Nutrition.
carrie
Oh, wow. I guess there’s situations where that’s true.
ross
Oh, sure.
carrie
An overdose, for example.
ross
Some very rare situations that probably—
carrie
If someone’s overdosing, don’t give them a banana.
ross
Breakout points here are “the unmentioned longevity discoveries of science, the astonishing world of carbon charcoal, activated charcoal, and super charcoals.” [Carrie responds delightedly.] Super charcoals. “How to detoxify your body, step-by-step,” and “emerging strategies to double your lifespan.” Anybody wanna take bets on how long David Avocado Wolfe lives?
carrie
Oh, yeah, let’s see how old is he now? He’s 49.
ross
I’m gonna say he prolly lives into his 80s.
carrie
Yeah. I’m gonna say 86.
ross
So, uh, I don’t know if that would be doubling of the lifespan, but—
carrie
Wait, hold on. 1970 plus 86, cause he was born in ‘70, would be 2056—I’m just putting it on my calendar to check.
ross
Good idea. [Carrie affirms.] Hopefully—we’re a little younger than he is, hopefully we’ll be around to pay attention. You see so often, people like Deepak Chopra will talk about these tips to stay eternally youthful and, you know, he’s still looking good but he ages just like everybody else.
carrie
Yeah. I’m gonna have to write a note to myself cause it takes a long time to flip forward to 2056.
ross
Indeed. Yeah, I feel like this would be a fun endeavour to kinda go through and find all the—the gurus and teachers and, you know, thought leaders telling you secrets to eternal life and just keep a record of how long they live.
carrie
Yeah. It’s like Deepak Chopra kind of invited that when he wrote that book about not-aging and then aged, you know, like a normal person.
ross
Right now the batting average is the same for everybody. Pretty much.
carrie
Yeah. At least that upper end.
ross
Right, yeah, you know—
carrie
We haven’t figured out past about a hundred.
ross
The centenarians are very impressive. They are few and far between, and they don’t get much farther than like a hundred sixteen in extreme cases. [Carrie affirms.] So, uh, alright—
carrie
Which is weird cause Ella’s gonna live that long.
ross
Aren’t you, Ella?
carrie
[Speaking for dog] “Yes I am, I am asleep.”
ross
I don’t know, I’m just registering my prediction that David Avocado Wolfe does not double his lifespan.
carrie
Yeah, I guess no matter what year you live to, you could be like, “but I was supposed to live to 41.”
ross
In his byline it says he is “the Indiana Jones of the superfood and longevity multiverse.”
carrie
What does that mean? [Ross laughs.] He goes into those universes and takes things back to ours, like an archaeologist?
ross
They belong in a museum! Uh, “David’s innovative ideas and products have transformed health food stores, grocery departments, and kitchens worldwide. He’s the co-developer of the NutriBullet—”
carrie
Is that true?
ross
Yeah, that’s what it says!
carrie
I gave Drew a NutriBullet for his birthday!
ross
There we go.
carrie
Oh my goodness, it’s in the kitchen right now.
ross
Well, I bet the avocados taste great in it.
carrie
Probably. We mostly do PB2, which is a peanut protein shake.
ross
That was just another sign of many that we passed by on the way in, so you had Russell Brand, you had David Wolfe, uh, George Noory, all kinds of other people giving talks. There was some kind of talent show going on—
carrie
I tried to get into that!
ross
Did you?
carrie
I thought you’d be so delighted if I was in that, but— [Ross affirms.] You had to sign up for it way before. Like, months before.
ross
Oh, okay. What would your talent have been?
carrie
I don’t even know. I was just like, “I need to get in that.” And then I walked up and asked and they were like, “Aw, yeah. You had to do this a while ago, ma’am.”
ross
Aww. I think if I could have entered I would’ve sung “The Rainbow Connection”.
carrie
Aw! In the Kermit voice, or just your normal voice?
ross
Probably my normal voice.
carrie
People are gonna want that now, but you’re gonna have to wait for Max Fun Drive!
ross
My—my Kermit voice is not on-point. I feel like I should work on that. But that’s a song that I really like, but when I listen to the lyrics for a sec, “oh, this is kind of the opposite worldview that I’m normally championing.” [Carrie affirms.] But it’s so delightful. I’m on board.
carrie
Yeah, it’s like—
ross
I would sing it for this crowd.
carrie
There are things in the universe that kind of call you from the great beyond, or something?
ross
Yeah, you know, the sweet voice that calls the young sailor?
carrie
Oh, right, right, right.
ross
That voice might be one and the same. [Carrie affirms.] So at this point, I was still wandering around—we’ve gone a little out-of-sequence, and we’ll continue to go out-of-sequence as we tell our stories—but I was wandering around on the second floor before I’d even picked up my wristband. I’d met Jimmy Church. I’ve met Linda Moulton-Howe.
carrie
What a day already!
ross
Yeah, there was even—there was this other booth over there, Jungbub? [Carrie laughs.] J-U-N-G-B-U-B?
carrie
Jungbub?
ross
Jungbub. They gave me a handout.
carrie
Oh, yeah yeah yeah.
ross
Oh, that’s right. His name is Cheon Gong, but it was gonna be a Jungbub workshop. And, uh, this happened multiple times in this expo, where you would walk past a booth, and you could tell that the people manning it—or womanning the booths were adherents. This was maybe their religion, or they were following someone they considered their sacred teacher and they're kind of trying to push the services. And it just feels very awkward like to quickly pass by someone for whom, like, this is a very important part of your life. [Carrie affirms.] And I'm just browsing here.
carrie
Yeah, they’re like, “Can I give you the secrets of the universe?” and you’re like, “Ooh, a geode.”
ross
[Laughing] Exactly. There were two young women there. They were telling me that spiritual mentor Cheon Gong was going to be there the next day, and this was a big and important opportunity that I shouldn’t miss out on. It was gonna be Sunday morning—this was still Saturday—and I could write out questions in advance. So they gave me this, uh, this sheet with a QR code. I think this led me to his YouTube channel. we watched a bit of that video the other day, he talked very slowly, he had a very long beard, even longer hair. [Carrie affirms.] And he was talking about finding meaning in his life. Okay, Jungbub means “righteous or cosmic law.” I’m sure I’m saying that wrong. But the four ethics that we learn of Hongik action are, “What should I do for my neighbor?” That’s good. “What should I do for our community?” Well I mean these are questions, they’re not answers, but—“What should I do for my country?” Okay, and, “What should I do for the international community?” [Ross and Carrie affirm.] Oh, yeah, I love this—
carrie
Are there answers?
ross
No, those are the ethics.
carrie
Ah, okay.
ross
Just questions—
carrie
Make you want more.
ross
Maybe the ethic is that you just learn to be regularly asking these questions? That could be good.
carrie
I’ll take it. It’s also a trifold. It doesn’t have to have everything.
ross
It also made it clear that Cheon Gong does not have any prepared topics for his lectures. However, he can answer any questions you may have.
carrie
Oh, it’s a satsang.
ross
Yeah. It’s just—that’s so constant in this place. There’s people dressed in white robes, and they’re all standing around. You can tell, you know, they’re all part of some sort of religious group, and you're just passing them by like you are the pyramid seller.
carrie
And what are they thinking as they see each other?
ross
Right? Like, “Oh, you follow the different master.”
carrie
Right. “You guys are all wrong,” or?
ross
Yeah, “We’re right in different ways”? It seems like that would be the natural question to ask. Like, oh, well, I should be following the same guy you are, or you’re wrong and you should be following my master.
carrie
Yeah, unless it’s like a different strokes for different folks thing, but that’s not usually the attitude you get in a religion.
ross
So, I don’t think we’ve ever seen that dynamic play out with any of these groups disagreeing with each other. It just feels like there’s this kind of implied tension. Anyways, so that was just, you know, one of many things as I’m walking around. And you sometimes try to avoid eye contact, and sometimes you make it. Well, the eye contact I did make was, as I walked past that particular room, the adjoining room had this display that immediately drew me over to it. Because it had a collection of devices and a big picture of Nikola Tesla in the background, like you do.
carrie
We hear about Nikola Tesla a lot. An esteemed scientist, but also a person with some wacky ideas.
ross
Sometimes those things go hand in hand. Definitely a genius, but there’s, I think, a reason that you see him cited fifty times more than say, Edison would be at a conference like this. Einstein’s also popular, but he’s one of those people. Kind of like Jesus. Everybody wants to appropriate Einstein.
carrie
And just his quotes. Nikola Tesla, at least there’s nods to weird machines he had and stuff. With Einstein, it’s like, we know this one equation, and here’s a picture of him and a quote we slapped on it.
ross
Yeah, you’re right. It’s a good point. Well, I know you got to visit this booth, right?
carrie
I did visit this booth, but he wasn’t there. I went there a few times and every time I went, no one was personing it.
ross
Huh. Well. Yeah, I found Michael Leas himself.
carrie
Oh, there he is. Wow. The Michael Leas.
ross
He’s a gentleman—
carrie
Does he speak “Michaelese”?
ross
Ha ha. [Carrie makes “womp-womp” noise.] A gentleman maybe in his 50s? [Carrie affirms.] I would guess.
carrie
I’m gonna say 56. Is he American? He looks like he'd speak in a British accent.
ross
You know, that’s a good point. As far as I could tell, he’s American, and from reading about him, yes, it does look like he—he lives in these United States. And so all I knew was that I see a guy standing behind a booth. He’s next to someone who can reunite you with your star family, and on the other side there’s like, some kind of alien radio or podcast show.
carrie
My goodness, how do you pick?
ross
Right? Well, I picked because I see the one that has a little mini Tesla coil set up at the desk and pictures of Tesla and little, uh, we got books like Cosmic Continuum by Ernest L. Norman, cyclic energy. There’s The Infinite Concept of Cosmic Creation, also by Ernest L. Norman. And Infinite Contact by Ernest L. Norman. Tempus Invictus by...
carrie
Ernest Norman?
ross
Correct. Turns out Ernest L. Norman is the co-founder of Unarius. [Carrie responds emphatically with “oh, woah!”] Yeah! And I found out Michael Leas is a member of Unarius.
carrie
Oh wow, okay. So we have not investigated the Unarius society. [Ross affirms.] Or the Unarians? What do they go by?
ross
Unarius Academy of Science. They are obviously a fruitful topic in and of themselves that hopefully we can get into at some point.
carrie
But they are alien believers, and I think they’re well known for making some pretty wild public access videos.
ross
Oh yeah, some really entertaining and very well costumed presentations as well. They strike a striking pose in their visual styling. But yeah, apparently Unarius stands for “universal articulate interdimensional understanding of science.”
carrie
Ooh! I picture someone writing out and being like, “Aw, shoot, we don’t have an ‘i’, we don’t have an ‘r’, we’re almost there.”
ross
“Gotta get this acronym working.” Yeah. Ernest Leland Normal was one of his like, really important thought grandfathers, as well, of course, as Nikola Tesla. He also kept—in our conversation—he kept citing Walter Russell. I had to look this guy up.
carrie
Oh, that’s a familiar name. Who is that?
ross
He started as a painter and sculptor, but eventually he got into spirituality and his own version of cosmogony and all these revelations about cosmic consciousness and this new vision of the universe and how it’s all connected.
carrie
Cool. Cool, man.
ross
Yeah, so all these kind of esoteric thinkers had inspired Michael Leas to start building his own devices. Yeah, so he had there—he had this device that was kind of covered up with a purple shawl, and he lifted it up for me and said, “Oh yeah, wanna see this?” I said, “Yes, please.”
carrie
And what does it do? What's it for?
ross
So, he turned it on, and here, I’ll play a little video for you.
clip
[Sound of water running.] Michael Leas: So, we’ve been running the sink 10-15 minutes, or five minutes or less than that, whatever the video is.
ross
[Speaking over clip] And it starts spinning around, and it’s got a bunch of magnets and there’s wires running everywhere, and little plates of metal holding wire coils. So once he kind of cranks it up, or connects it to an external battery, these magnets will start spinning quickly. And he has them arranged on these cones. The cones are facing with the pointy ends in toward each other. [Carrie affirms.] So there’s six total. So, think of like the sides of a die, essentially. And those are the bases of the cones, and then the cones are tapering inward, where their points are going towards the center. So they can all spin, and I’m not sure how he’s arranged the polarities here, but it’s in such a way that kind of once you get them spinning they’ll spin around a lot. I don’t think this in itself is supposed to be a free energy device. He talks about free energy elsewhere, like in his presentations. But I think this is supposed to be—first of all, he was talking about how normally if you have a disc that spins really fast, it forms a gyroscope and it wants to remain stable. So he designed this one so that it could kind of move in every direction, and the movement of the spinning magnets would counteract each other. And I’m not sure if it’s connected to this other device, but seems like another big thing that he’s all about is building these little tesla coils. And he says, “Yeah, normally you’ll see a tesla coil and it’s sparking out like, even visible sparks of energy and it’s like, a big flashy showy thing.” But he thinks Tesla was working towards another innovation, which was to be able to take that energy and transmit it wirelessly. And many people have talked about this. How, you know, that’s what Tesla was really trying to go toward was wireless transmission of just pure energy.
carrie
Okay. I think we should explain what a perpetual motion or free energy machine is.
ross
There’s a lot here. Yes, thanks for saying that.
carrie
Yeah, no problem. So here’s my understanding. You probably have a better one. But my understanding is it’s a fictitious idea of a machine that will—you put some start-up energy into it, and then it continues… forever, perpetually, and keeps generating energy even though you’ve only put a little bit in. [Ross affirms.] But if you had just one of those, you’d never have to invent any electric device again, because you could just create energy nonstop for the entire gosh darn world.
ross
And in our travels we’ve encountered many people—I think immediately of Steven Greer—who are convinced that free energy machines already exist, and, you know, the government—
carrie
But they are keeping it from us.
ross
Yeah, the government doesn’t want us to have them. Why would the government not be using them and saving tons of money? It’s an absurd proposition.
carrie
Oh, right. I guess they are, but then they’re telling us that it’s electricity or coal or whatever, so we’ll just pay into their coffers. Ugh.
ross
Yeah, while we pollute the atmosphere. Well, there’s a lot of things tied in there together. But yeah, that’s the idea of a free energy machine is that it puts out more energy than you put into it. Which breaks the laws of physics, particularly the second law of thermodynamics, generally disorder increases in a system unless external energy is visited upon it. And so the idea—
carrie
And that is why evolution is not real!
ross
Oh goodness. Yeah, that’s true. [Laughing] That particular law of thermodynamics gets misused quite a bit. So, yeah, it’s an impossibility and any time you talk to somebody who’s spent any time in a patent office, they’ll tell you about all of the people who show up with free energy plans. So yeah—
carrie
Mm-hm. Bless their hearts.
ross
As he’s showing me this very intricate machine—and we’ll post pictures and maybe even video of this—he’s telling me, “Yeah, I’m jus looking for funding.” And as I was going back and—
carrie
What does it do?!
ross
[Laughing] Oh, that’s right. I was working towards a second piece of this.
carrie
Oh, okay, I just thought he didn’t tell you. Okay.
ross
Alright. Well, to cut to the chase and answer your question, what it’s supposed to do is create energy and then affect a radiant field that will then transmit energy from one location to another. So you can have things that are not attached by wires and, say, light up a bulb that’s not touching the generator that’s sending it energy. [Carrie responds emphatically with “oh wow”.] So he was telling me, in all of this—
carrie
See, now, wait. You just described that, and that made me think those people who are afraid of 5G and stuff should be terrified of this machine.
ross
Right? Except—
carrie
None of these people should get along.
ross
But, except he’s describing this in very spiritual terms, and talking about how energy is the basis of biology, and it’s amaz—oh my goodness. As he was talking there were just so many terms about, you know, how like, the yin and the yang is symbolized in the polarity of the magnet, and it’s not just north and south but there’s also—there’s a vortex that goes through the magnet. We’re harnessing that, and— Woah, woah, okay. I’m not sure exactly what you’re saying here, but you’ve got all these wires wrapped around things, and you’ve got all these lights, and—the funny thing to me was, he’s telling me that he just needs a little bit of funding, and this is gonna work out. But I went and found a video of him from 8 years ago. He showed the exact same thing and said, “I’m just looking for a little funding!”
carrie
Aww, buddy.
ross
Yeah. So it’s uh, either he hasn’t gotten the funding he needs, or these devices aren’t gonna get out of this little demo stage.
carrie
I want him to bring that on Shark Tank, though.
ross
Oh, yeah. [Both laugh.] I mean, and it looks legitimately cool. Like, it has that fun flux capacitor energy to it, you know? Like some mad scientist ahs cobbled this together.
carrie
And he has.
ross
And then, you know, he’s got these little mini tesla coils. Think of like, a tall cylinder wrapped around a red copper wire, and little caps on the top. And, you know, he just has all these little pieces sitting around. And on the videos I found, he has some demos where he’ll light up a light bulb, but he’s stuck the two different ends like, into a pot with a plant.
carrie
Oh, you showed me this. Yeah. It completes the circuit through the soil.
ross
Right. So the question is, okay, yeah, what exactly is being demonstrated here? I’m not sure. So, he was telling me that he had successfully charged a cell phone with this technology. I said, “Oh, like one of those phones that has the G wireless charging?” And he said, “Yeah, though, you know, not in that way.”
carrie
Because that’s bad.
ross
Yeah, well, but I was gonna say, like, “Well, that’s cool. ‘Cause at least then you know the exact specifications of the input that it needs. Like, you know, one of those chargers, that’s something that you can find out.” And he said, “Yeah, but, you know, we’re doing it at much longer distances.” And I said, “Oh cool, well—” I saw he had a modern phone there next to him. “—Did you charge your phone that way?” He said, “Oh, no, no. It just, you know, I did it enough so that I saw like, the little charge symbol go on, so I knew I’d made a connection.” I mean, that sounds cool. He wasn’t ready to demonstrate that with the hardware that he had there. Anyways, there was so much complexity to what he was talking about, and he was quickly alluding to these figures like Walter Russell and Ernest Norman, Nikola Tesla. Oh yeah, he also kept dropping zero point energy in—
carrie
What’s that?
ross
Okay, so that’s another thing that’s kind of hypothetical. I’m certainly no expert in zero point energy, but it’s like—it is a real thing, where you have the least energy state in a system, and the idea is that you could theoretically harness this to accomplish very, you know, large exertions of energy by manipulating this low point. So—and it’s kind of like, you know, a buzz word like quantum energy, where people will say it and know that it’s something scientists have talked about, but then, you know, there’s never been aby practical application of it that would make sense on the scale of things we’re talking about. In, uh, The Incredibles, Syndrome, he picks up all the Incredibles with this little thing he’s got like, on his finger. Like a little ring. He picks them up in this bluish energy field, throws them around. He says, “Zero point energy. Pretty cool, made it myself,” kinda thing. And all of us nod our heads like, “Oh yes, we’ve heard of that!”
carrie
[Laughing] Water has memory. Email Ross.
ross
Speaking of science and how to educate our youth in actual science. This isn’t an ad or anything, but I think you should all know about Camp Quest, and particularly Camp Quest West. You’ve heard me talk about it before. It’s a summer camp. I’ve been involved for lo these many years, since Andrew was, I don’t know, like eleven or something. He’s been involved, and he’s now old enough to be a counselor.
carrie
Aw, that’s so cool.
ross
Yeah, and Cara’s recently started volunteering a bit for them.
carrie
Andrew is Ross’ son and Cara is his wife.
ross
And Camp Quest West is accredited through the ACA, American Camp Association. All the counselors, they learn first aid. It’s an awesome—
carrie
Reiki.
ross
[Laughs] No! They don’t learn reiki. But, you know—
carrie
I can teach them.
ross
—we might teach a class that involves learning reiki so you canlearn how to uh, kind of examine such claims. So, you know, it’s like any other camp experience but without the religious component. But there’s lots of singing, there’s lots of canoe and archery and making lemonade and hiking trails. But also a component of science and philosophy. So, there’s two weeks of camp in northern California, near Grass Valley, going from June 28th to July 11th. And then our southern California session is near Wrightwood, California, July 19th through 25th. So if you’ve got kids somewhere in the 8-14 range, sign them up! It’s a great experience. It’s a life-changing experience. Just wanted y’all to know about it.
carrie
Holla.
ross
So you can go to CampQuestWest.org. But there are other Camp Quests. It’s part of a network around these United States. There’s very likely one within range of you, if you are somewhere else other than California.
carrie
Ross isn’t even getting paid to say these words.
ross
I’m on the board. That’s how much I support Camp Quest. It’s really like a top-notch organization, and I want more people to have that experience. So feel free to throw me questions, if you have questions about it. I don’t mind getting those emails. Anyways. There was a lot coming from Michael Leas. He seemed like a really nice guy, and this project that he’s working on is called the Magnavex. [Carrie responds affirmatively.] With a trademark. Research project. And on his video—’cause I was working so hard to try to understand what was the actual claim, and this one title card from his video seemed to be, like, the most succinct statement I could find. It said: “Taking an electrical charge, and stepping up the frequency and voltage to a radiant point, where other sub tesla coils can then be designed to receive the electrical signal sent.”
carrie
I actually followed that a little better.
ross
Oh, good. Okay. So um, he was giving a talk on Sunday night, at 8 o’clock. I was hoping to go.
carrie
And this was Saturday at this point you’re talking to him.
ross
Yeah. And, I’ll spoil it in advance. Unfortunately, I had called my dad, like I do every Sunday. So a little after 8 I wandered up there and said “Oh, can I still get in?” And it was a $40 workshop. Yeah, I was willing to pay the money, but they guy said, “Oh, they’ve already closed up the ticket selling, so.” He couldn’t even take my money. And he said, “It wouldn’t be fair to let you in, you know, because I’ve had to turn away other people.” He said, “If you stick around, I can let you in for the last half hour at 9 o’clock.” And I was like, “Eh, I think I’m good to go home.”
carrie
You could have been like, “But I have funding! Let me in there! Tell them I’m the guy with the funding!” Then I bet you would have been let in.
ross
That would have been a lie.
carrie
That would have been a lie, and heartbreaking for him. I wonder what he thinks is gonna happen. Like, is some techno—I don’t have words for the thing—
ross
Elon Musk. He’s waiting for Elon Musk or Jeff Bezos to come along and—
carrie
Yeah, exactly, walk through, and he’s gonna be like, “Hmm, well, gee, I came here to see if there were any inventions.”
ross
“This is legit, and here’s a bunch of money.”
carrie
Yeah. Buddy, they’re not going to the Conscious Life Expo.
ross
But he’d also given talks at the Institute of Noetic Sciences.
carrie
Love it. What are those?
ross
It’s like, spiritual sciences, essentially. Yeah there’s—
carrie
Oh, okay. I like that word! Noetic!
ross
Oh, absolutely, it sounds poetic!
carrie
Exactly! But also, like, Noel.
ross
Well, yeah, I agree that is a lovely word. He has also spoken, of course, at the Unarius Learning Center. And he told me he spoke at a Tesla conference. And so I was like, “Oh, alright! I’m guessing it’s not, like Tesla the car. Or even something that’s very—”
carrie
It’s in someone’s Tesla.
ross
Or that’s very officially connected with Nikola Tesla. So I looked this up, it was the Tesla Technology Conference in Albuquerque. He spoke there in 2017. That’s that website I showed you that looked like it was an Angelfire website from—
carrie
From like, ‘95. Yeah yeah yeah. Dancing bears across the bottom. Not literally.
ross
Lots of animated gifs, minimal. Yeah. So uh, anyways, he seemed like a delight, he spoke very fast, in terms I did not fully understand.
carrie
That you got this much out of it is very impressive.
ross
I hope he gets his funding.
carrie
I do too. Do you have contact info for him? If someone’s listening to this, and they’re like, “I have been wanting to fund a perpetual motion machine!”
ross
Oh, he’s put himself out there on the web, you can definitely connect with him online.
carrie
Okay. What’s his name again?
ross
Michael Leas. L-E-A-S. Here’s the description from his talk, this will explain it far better than I ever could. Title: The Man, Myth, and Mystery. “Nikola Tesla’s futuristic thinking transformed our world. His alternating current generators built our modern society. In this unique Tesla energy presentation, Michael Leas will explain and demonstrate his Tesla research for us, in layman’s terms.” Is that true? I dunno. “We will see why Tesla should be rightly regarded as the electrical genius of our times. He will also discuss his own research and experiments with zero point technology, its relevance to our past, present, and future society, and how energy is the foundation of our body, mind, and spiritual evolution. Our desire to have free energy, and to know how UFOs can travel between the stars, is bringing us new questions. Tesla knew the answer. It’s an electric universe.”
carrie
Okay! Boy, spoiler.
ross
Yeah. Uh, there you go!
carrie
Ross, what kind of bra were you wearing during all of this?
ross
I was wearing my very light and very see-through nonexistent bra.
carrie
Oh, your invisi-bra. [Ross affirms.] I always liked that one, but I like my bra even better, the one I am wearing right now. Is that true?
ross
Carrie is checking under her shirt—yes.
carrie
Yes! My Third Love bra!
ross
Did you know that breast shape matters when finding a good fit? I’m a man, and I’m telling you about bras.
carrie
It’s true. You’re right, though. Some men wear bras, you’re not one of them. But some do!
ross
Well, in about 60 seconds, Carrie, Third Love’s fit finder quiz could help you identify your breast size, and shape, and styles that fit your body.
carrie
Well Ross, like I said, I already have a Third Love bra, so I already did that, so I already have one.
ross
Sounds right. Okay. You know what, actually uh, [Borat impression] my wife, Cara Blocher, she just got another Third Love bra—
carrie
Does she love it?
ross
[Cheesy Italian affectation] It’s very nice. Yeah.
carrie
Ugh. I love them. And it’s weird that we’d be talking about this, because Oh No, Ross and Carrie is supported in part by Third Love!
ross
That’s an amazing synchronicity.
carrie
I know! And they use the measurements of millions of people to design bras in over 80 sizes, with all-day comfort and support. My favorite feature is that they have these straps that don’t slip, because they’ve got like, an accordion design.
ross
That’s a problem.
carrie
Ugh, it’s such a problem.
ross
In other bras.
carrie
In other bras, not my Third Love bra, no sir. And they have lightweight memory foam cups, so they’re not as like, heavy and bulky as your usual bra.
ross
And, at least from my perspective, a great feature is the tagless labels! ‘Cause I’ve cut tags off of bras before, you know, like, “This thing keeps sticking out! Here, let me get rid of it for you!” But, you need that information on you, sometimes. They put it on the bra itself!
carrie
Yeah, it’s just printed on there. Brilliant.
ross
Smart.
carrie
And every customer has sixty days to wear it, wash it, put it to the test, and if you don’t love it, return it and Third Love will wash it, and donate it to a person in need!
ross
Also wonderful, and smart. Third Love knows that there’s a perfect bra for everyone, so right now, they’re offering our listeners 15% off on your first order.
carrie
So go to ThirdLove.com/ohno right now to find your perfect fitting bra, and get 15% off your first purchase.
carrie
Well, I would never go anywhere without my Third Love bra. What’s something you would never go anywhere without?
ross
One thing I wanna make sure never to forget wherever I go is my toothbrush.
carrie
Oh, I am with you.
ross
Yeah, you need a toothbrush—
carrie
You’re not brushing your teeth.
ross
Otherwise, what are you doing, you’re taking your toothbrush, and like, moving around with your finger, or something like that?
carrie
That’s such a nightmare when that happens.
ross
That’s right, yeah, you really do feel terrible when you’re like, “Agh, I didn’t pack a toothbrush. Ridiculous.” But guess what? I have an extra special toothbrush.
carrie
Really? Tell me about it.
ross
Alright, it’s called a Quip. Yeah, Q-U-I-P. It’s an electric toothbrush, but it’s not like one of those bulky ones that you have to plug into the wall, or has like this crazy fat handle or something like that. No, it uses like, a triple-a battery, it’s super svetle, nicely designed, and uh, yeah, it’s become my favorite toothbrush.
carrie
I have one as well, it’s a great traveller, as well. Because it’s so sleek and small, you can just fit it right in—you can put it in your backpack. It wouldn’t take up space.
ross
I can’t remember how long I’ve had this, but I’ve only changed the batteries once, and I remember thinking, like, “Why is this still working?” [Carrie laughs.] “They should have given out by now.”
carrie
Yeah! It’s too good. And Quip wants you to know that no matter what brand you use, if you have good habits, you’re good!
ross
Yeah, you know, I’ve gotten really good lately at flossing on a regular basis. Because that’s never been my strong suit. But Quip’s all about promoting healthy tooth maintenance. Quip helps you brush for two minutes, it’s got like the timer, and it changes up every 30 seconds to remind you to move to a different section of your mouth, they encourage you to brush twice a day, floss regularly, and they have floss as well that you can get.
carrie
And their electric toothbrush has sensitive sonic vibrations with a built in timer and 30 second pulses to guide a full and even clean. Plus, they deliver fresh brush head, floss, and toothpaste refills every three months with free shipping!
ross
“Quip! The good habits company.”
carrie
So I’m gonna skip ahead a little bit in time here, you can pull me back whenever you like. Because you have one of those perpetual motion machines. [Ross makes a noise like a tape rewinding. Carrie joins him.]
ross
That’s the sound they make.
carrie
So the next thing I did in my little world, was I met my friend Ross after a talk in order to get some samosas.
ross
Oh, yeah!
carrie
Woof. Yum yum yum yum. So there was a samosa house stationed in there, and for 12 dollars, everybody, you can get a huge plate of Indian food. It was great.
ross
You uh, chose wisely. I made the rookie mistake of being hungry and just going for the first eatery I saw. Though, I don’t know why I’m calling it a mistake, I ended up eating a giant falafel euro, which was actually quite delicious.
carrie
Oh, yeah, that sounds good. So then you and I sat outside for a bit while I ate, because it was very, very stimulating in that hall. [Ross laughs and affirms.] And I believe the next thing I did was, met my new very best friend, Dylan Louis Monroe.
ross
Oh, yeah! I never got to make his acquaintance, but I believe you that he exists.
carrie
[Laughs] He does. He is my very best friend, and I have not spoken to him since. But he is the creator of the Deep State Mapping Project.
ross
Is that what that, uh, manila envelope is that you have in front of you, with the alien on it?
carrie
Yes. So we’ve got top secret, an alien, a U.S. flag, the words “Deep State”—
ross
There’s a sparkly, multicolored U.S. flag, yes.
carrie
Yes indeed. The words “Deep State Mapping Project”, and then this symbol, which I think is pretty cool. It’s like a bunch of arrows coming out of a…
ross
Yeah, it’s like the eight-fold path, maybe. You’ve got 8 arrows coming out of the center. And then yeah, and it’s stamped. It says top secret. Are you able to share this with all of us?
carrie
I know, and it is top secret. But, for $40, it doesn’t have to be.
ross
Okay. Did you give him $40?
carrie
Yes, I did. Oh my god, I had such a good time talking to Dylan. Whew. Okay, Dylan is a young man. He’s probably about 30. He’s incredibly hip. Like, as I was talking to him, I was like “What are you doing here?” Because it was like someone I would meet at like, a very cool comedy club or something. Like super lucid, super smart, very like, young, hip energy. But talking about Q, and Pizzagate. And it was so strange.
ross
So Q was like, deep state conservative conspiracy nonsense. I’m tipping my hand, here.
carrie
Yeah, so, if you don’t know—gosh, how do we summarize this briefly?—if you don’t know, and/or if you don’t live in the U.S., there is the concept that there is an underground network of abusive operatives working for the government.
ross
Yeah, it’s a front for pedophilia, and just all kinds of horrible genetic experiments, and—
carrie
Illuminati stuff.
ross
Every filthy, horrible thing that you can imagine that’s not real, but you need to invoke your disgust sensors about, they attribute to this deep state governmental agency.
carrie
So there’s this one person we don’t know anything about, their name is Q. I think Q is usually referred to as “he”, but I don’t think Q is confirmed to be male. And Q is a whistleblower from within that system who will occasionally drop words of wisdom on Reddit, I believe. [Ross laughs.] You know, blowing open some of this secret information.
ross
Yeah, QAnon, is that the name of the handle? Yeah.
carrie
Yeah, r/Qanon is like, the broader network surrounding Q, who’s the person. So, I walk up to Dylan’s booth, and Dylan is a great graphic designer, so there’s just all these really cool—
ross
Yeah, Carrie opened this 8 and a half by 11 folder, and out came a bunch of handouts, leaflets, different colors. There’s like a bright, salmon colored sheet you have there with, yeah, some cool graphic design. He did all of this? [Carrie affirms.] And you’ve got kind of an origami square sized, orange piece of paper with very fine writing on it.
carrie
Yeah, for now, just look at the design, and try not to absorb the content.
ross
Okay, okay, oh-ho. Alright, there’s another 8 and a half by 11 sheet, this one’s laminated. [Carrie repeats ‘laminated’ back in a sing-song.] And, yeah, we’ve got like a factory, and a tree, and just all of these crazy lines. Think of like a subway diagram? [Carrie agrees.] For the London underground, or something, but immensely more complicated, with way more stops than you would ever need.
carrie
And hundreds of tiny words connecting them.
ross
Oh, okay, you’ve got my attention. This is interesting.
carrie
Yeah, so I mean, this is just endless. Like, if we tried to describe everyone, it would be the rest of the show, but like—
ross
I’d pay $40 for this. Woah.
carrie
Right? Here’s one that says “Watergate, Pizzagate, Stargate,” and then has a bunch of other writing around it. So, I walk up, and I see a few of these on shirts, and on posters and stuff. It catches your eye right away.
ross
Yeah! Great graphic design going on here. This is pro level.
carrie
Yeah, exactly, so I stopped, and I was like, “Whoa, what the hell is all this?”
ross
Oh, my goodness. Carrie’s flipping through all the stuff, this is flipping amazing.
carrie
[Laughs] So, as I walk by, I see all these things on big posters and whatnot, and I was holding this huge print of aliens coming out of a UFO that I bought for Drew, which, that’s all I could get into. But, as I’m walking by holding this print, Dylan stops me, and is like, “Oh my God, that’s so cool! What is that?” And so, I explained to him, “Oh, you know, it’s from this guy upstairs who’s been abducted, and he does art about his own abductions.” And he’s like, “Oh, cool, that’s so amazing, can I take a picture of it?” I say “Sure.” I hold it up, he takes a picture, and he’s like, “That’s so amazing, and the fact that you picked it means that you are really in tune, because you know what? I talk to those guys.”
ross
Whoa, the aliens? In the picture?
carrie
Yeah.
ross
Oh, and thus, a beautiful friendship was born.
carrie
[Laughs] Exactly! So, he’s like, “I can channel them, and they look exactly like that, and they’re the ones who give me all this.” And he gestures to this art.
ross
Oh, it’s a download! [Carrie affirms.] What does he look like? What’s he wearing?
carrie
Okay, he was a caucasian gentleman, tall, thin, I know he had a leather, or maybe faux-leather jacket on. And then, like, jeans. I’m telling you, a hip dude!
ross
So weird. Because I feel like normally, to wire your mind in the way required to kind of, take this QAnon stuff seriously, you, by necessity, need to unwire other parts that control good grammar, and design, and, kinda, cogent dressing and speech. [Carrie laughs and affirms.] Yeah, I feel like these things don’t go together! Dylan, is his name? He sounds like an enigma.
carrie
Dylan. Dylan Louis Monroe. Yeah, so, I’m like, “Yeah, what is all this?” And he said, “Yeah, this is information that I get from the masters, and they tell me about the secret structures of society.” Yeah, so he starts explaining to me what all these info diagrams are, and I got one for you.
ross
[Gasps] Oh, thank you!
carrie
So, that is a sticker.
ross
Oh, this is dense. Oh, there’s lines pointing to other things—oh my goodness, Molak? Zoroastrianism? Yahweh? Oh, it’s like a—what is it, Brenner’s soap, but as a—
carrie
Oh, Dr. Bronner’s?
ross
Bronner’s! That’s it. Yeah, Dr. Bronner’s soap thing.
carrie
But like, sort of a flowchart.
ross
Freemasonry. The Vatican. Ooh, good, the Vatican, of course. Jesuits, God’s Assassins, The Templars, Rome, Council of Nicaea.
carrie
Switzerland makes an entrance!
ross
Club 33, Walt Disney established, 1923. [Laughs.]
carrie
Uh, CNN.
ross
Terror-bombing. Manhattan Project. Atmosphere—
carrie
The NSA.
ross
Yeah, all of these weird little lines connecting some to the others, CIA, 1947, Geneva—
carrie
Google!
ross
—Is pointing at operation Mockingbird, which is pointing back at it. Oh, Israel, with the star of David, 1948. Psy-ops, CNN, The New York Times. Media monopo—what is going on?
carrie
Thelema is in there, which we joined. [Ross affirms.] Nikola Tesla, human sacrifice.
ross
Antarctica.
carrie
Mhm. Scientology.
ross
Neuschwabenland, Empire Beneath the Ice.
carrie
Chemtrails. Vaccines. Monsanto.
ross
False flags. 1984. He’s figured it all out, he’s drawn the connection. We have no idea what the connection is, but it’s all here. [Carrie laughs.] Oh, NASA. 1958, means “to deceive”. We’ve heard that. Was he a flat-earther, you think?
carrie
Oh, that’s a good question. I don’t know if I asked him that.
ross
Do you have his contact info?
carrie
Yes, I do, I’ll get there.
ross
Can we text him?
carrie
I don’t have his phone number. But I have his email.
ross
Okay. Nikola Tesla, zero point energy! It’s all connected!
carrie
I’m gonna have to pry you away from that because there’s so much more to get through of Dylan’s genius. So, he has figured out the cabal that runs our society, that’s somehow different from the thing you just looked at.
ross
Okay, this is another flowchart, but this one is more rectangular.
carrie
This is just the military industrial complex. So that one—let’s see, we got vaccines again, those are part of controlling everybody. Genetic engineering. The CIA, drug distribution, that one I’m gonna guess has the most truth on it at, you know, 3-5%.
ross
Okay, this laminated one. This is like, a larger version of the smaller one we were looking through earlier.
carrie
Mm. More extended, he got more info.
ross
This is literally jaw-dropping. I just realized I have my jaw down.
carrie
Oh cool. Now here’s one, the Cult of Ba’al. So this is all evil stuff on this one.
ross
I wanna meet this guy!
carrie
Mostly spiritual, I know. Okay, uh, there’s that—
ross
Gaia’s on here, alright. Yep. Emery Smith. [Laughs] WikiLeaks, Alex Jones, Infowars. Oh, and interesting, connecting lines have a little, like, what is that, fire? Wiggly lines? Oh, this is so weird.
carrie
Then here’s an energy map, I think you’ll be interested in this one.
ross
Oh, Ivanka’s on this green one.
carrie
This one’s an energy map. As you can see it’s the different kinds of energies, not sure if they’re good or bad.
ross
Oh my goodness, this is kind of arranged like one of those Tree of Lifes that they arrange around in a circle to handle all the crazy expansion. Oh wow—
carrie
But it’s so pleasing to look at.
ross
It really is. There is just, such a weird rare form of brilliance going on here.
carrie
I know. Y’all can’t see it, but, uh, we’ll put some up.
ross
Yeah, yeah, this is great radio. Great radio.
carrie
[Laughs] And then he gets these “universal language of light” light codes that he he downloads from the universe?
ross
Oh yeah, of course.
carrie
Uh, so, here is an excerpt of the writings of Dylan. He downloaded this from Commander Hatton, who’s one of the masters from above. It says: “Being etheric in my natural state, I have no need for verbalization. Your language was designed to facilitate commerce. There is another language, more ancient, more conducive to discourse at the higher level, but you’ve forgotten it. It is the universal language of light. These are valid pulses of energy frequency, and are not of mystical origin. They are in fact totally physical in explanation. These units of information are at once more specific and more inclusive than your words. They’ve been designed to convey organic, yet concise, comprehensive informational content.” And then, at the bottom it says, “Translated by Asset #145”, which is Dylan.
ross
[Laughs] Okay! Oh, so he speaks that language.
carrie
He—no, he downloaded that statement, which this being had translated for him, I guess.
ross
Well, thank goodness English could be pressed into translating such etheric terms. Such light pulses of wisdom.
carrie
Good point, and then, right, and then I guess he gets these light pulses in his brain, and then translates them. I don’t know. But this is what the light codes look like, I’m showing you, it looks kind of like the symbol for Adidas.
ross
Oh, yeah. Yeah, there’s kind of a triangle with truncated ends, and lines inside of it. Alright.
carrie
And then, uh, this one might be my favorite. This is the healing web, which has, on the right side, all the good stuff. The holistic medicine stuff. And then on the left, the bad stuff, the big Pharmas, ect.
ross
Oh yeah, the polluting, chemical companies.
carrie
But here’s my favorite part. There within the big Pharma bad area, there is a tiny circle labeled “useful”. So there are some things that, even though they’re big Pharma, they’re still okay, and those include... casts?
ross
[Stammers] Casts? Okay.
carrie
Like, if you break a leg. Yeah. Autopsy, biopsy. Diagnostics, MRI’s, rehab, rare diseases.
ross
These are all approved.
carrie
These are okay. Free health care. Okay!
ross
Hey! Alright.
carrie
Crutches and wheelchairs. But, things like anesthesia, no no. Hospitals, no no no. Mercury, fluoride.
ross
Where do you go get your cast if hospitals are bad?
carrie
[Laughs] You make one! I dunno. Vaccines, obviously.
ross
So, wait, he designed all of this?
carrie
Yeah! So—
ross
So he—does he represent a group, or does he work for somebody?
carrie
It is just him. He is the conduit of all this knowledge, and he and his friend started a Youtube series called The New Templars. Highly recommend. Highly Recommend. So he’s—he’s at this booth, and he’s with two of his friends, one of whom is an older gentlemen who is his co-host on The New Templars. That guy looks a lot more like who you’d expect, when I say “conspiracy theorist.” He’s an older dude, not as hip to talk to, I don’t know.
ross
I see it. New Templars, okay, they just got a new subscriber.
carrie
And then there’s also a young woman with them. And both the older man and the young woman both just treat Dylan the way you would if you thought someone was the special conduit of these people in the sky. They treated him with a lot of reverence.
ross
So this is like, a ground-level personality cult starting?
carrie
I think so. I think it’s just on the precipice. And she actually said to him, she pointed to a table a few tables down, that had like a huge guru photo with like, you know, a huge halo around the person. And she said, “We gotta got one of those of you, Dylan!” And he laughed, and said to me, like, “I think that’d be a little narcissistic.”
ross
That’s what Father Yod said before his portrait showed up.
carrie
Right, so then she said, “But, think about it. Like, those people know that their guru has like, special access to knowledge, you have special access to that kind of knowledge!” And, like, you know, I could just see him struggling with that, right, like, “Oh, this thing that I’ve said—”
ross
“This is how it starts”.
carrie
I know! “This thing that I’ve said, I didn’t think would get that sort of attention on me, but...”
ross
“Now I have to process, can I use this?”
carrie
Yeah, it was weird.
ross
What was she like? Was she of a similar age?
carrie
She was younger, she was probably like 22-23?
ross
Oh boy. Well, Carrie.
carrie
Oh boy. Ross.
ross
If I may interrupt for just a moment.
carrie
Please!
ross
Uh, I think we should read our listeners a Jumbotron!
carrie
Oh, yes! Flip, flip, flip, flip. Going through my Jumbotron book. Uh, wetting my quill pen. How about this one for the podcast Ain’t Slayed Nobody?
ross
Oh, yeah. “We are Ain’t Slayed Nobody, an actual play, Call of Cthulhu tabletop roleplaying game podcast set in the Old West. You don’t need to know the game at all to enjoy our show.”
carrie
“We blend jokes and cosmic horror storytelling, while pretending to be cowgirls, prospectors, and preachers going up against unspeakable terrors.”
ross
“So search for and subscribe to Ain’t Slayed Nobody, our campy horror fun podcast on Apple, or preferred platform.”
carrie
Holla!
ross
Yeah, fun. I never knew such a thing could exist.
carrie
I know. Have you ever played Call of Cthulhu?
ross
I have not!
carrie
Yeah, me neither. But wow, I’ve got you on the line, Ross. I have another Jumbotron. Flip, flip, flip, flip, I’ve been wanting to read.
ross
Ooh, whatcha got?
carrie
This one is from a mystery person, probably God. They didn’t say their name but I’m just gonna assume God, the creator of the universe. And it says: “Oops! I let my card lapse for my membership. This is a makeup Jumbotron, because you guys are awesome.”
ross
“And I guess I’m supposed to write to promote something, so uh, I’m gonna promote that you support your local shelters!” Aww.
carrie
Yay! You know, it just occurred to me, I don’t know if they mean animal shelters, like adopt a cat or dog, which is how I interpreted it, or if they meant like, food and sustenance shelters.
ross
Sustenance for people experiencing homelessness, perhaps. You know what, either way.
carrie
Yeah! You know what, support both!
ross
And we don’t know who this listener was, except that they are fantastic.
carrie
Exactly. And probably God.
ross
Or at the very least, classy and attractive.
carrie
Mm-hm. We are attracted to you.
ross
So, if you want to get a Jumbotron message, you can just go to MaximumFun.org/jumbotron, and that’s how you sign up to give a message that we will read out on the show. That’s how it works.
carrie
That’s right! Make us promote your own local shelter.
ross
Make us say silly things. We’ll do it.
carrie
Yeah, I’ll do it, probably. Probably. We’ll probably do it. We drank our pee. Our standards are low.
ross
If not, then we won’t, but we probably will. [Carrie repeats. They both laugh.]
carrie
So, I’m talking to all three of them, and that was like, “Yeah, this is amazing, I mean, you’re a really good designer, too.” And he said, “Yeah, you know, I get it all from the aliens.” And I was like, “Yeah, that’s amazing.” And he said, um—
ross
“Can the aliens help me design my business card?”
carrie
[Laughs] He said that, “All of this stuff that you and I are looking at, this crazy knowledge, the government does have it, some of it’s gonna be declassified soon.” And I said, “Oh, wow, cool. Who’s gonna declassify it?” And he said, “Uh, well, Trump’s gonna declassify some of it, but probably not during his term. So after he leaves, he’s gonna tell us all this stuff.” And I said, “Oh, okay, after his term. Uh, so then, who are you—who do you think you’ll be voting for in the general election?” And he sighed, he went, “[Sighing] I mean, probably Trump? But like, he’s got his own thing. But I mean, it all doesn’t matter anyway.” And I was like, “Oh, no, it does. It does. It matters.” And he was like, “No no no, I mean I know, it matters, but it’s all like, [Scoff] I mean this is all like an illusion anyway, so it’s like, what’s the point?” It was like a little passion play of like, all these little ideas that sound harmless, but actually have very harmful implications. They’re just being acted out in front of me.
ross
And they’re somewhat contradictory, and across purposes, and—wow, he’s got this all in his head!
carrie
Mm-hm! Mm-hm! And he seems very sincere.
ross
Like, this is dense, people. These diagrams we’re looking at, they have tiny, tiny font. Like, you need to get your face right in front of this to see the words that he’s intricately arranged into these really impressive diagrams. Wow. [Carrie affirms.] Speaking of which, hey everybody, it’s election season. Maybe you’re in Iowa. Maybe you’re in New Hampshire. Maybe you’re in South Carolina. You’ve already voted at this point.
carrie
Maybe you’re not in the U.S.
ross
Well uh, if you have the ability to vote, you got a vote coming your way, Super Tuesday’s about to happen, that’s a bunch of states, including ours. Get out there and vote! [Carrie yells “Vote!”] Please do. You know, whatever Dylan says, this is one way we really can affect things. Don’t give that up. Don’t waste your shot. I happen to work in the elections. This Saturday and Sunday I’ll be at the polls, and on Tuesday, if you happen to be in the L.A. area, you can stop by any vote center. Mine will be at the Burbank YMCA. Come say hi. I’ll help you vote.
carrie
Hey! Go see Ross! If that isn’t motivation enough for you, what is?
ross
But yeah, this is important, people. Can’t tell you enough how important it is to get out there and vote.
carrie
And to educate yourself before you do. Don’t just vote the way your mom’s voting.
ross
Yes, yeah, I mean the—I would hope people would take it seriously if they’re going to do it at all. But do! Do, you know, read up, check your local editorial board, see what they say, look things up.
carrie
Groups you trust. Yeah, so, I went home, and I watched a New Templars video. And it’s got like a significant following, they had one point five thousand views.
ross
Okay. And now they have 2.24 thousand subscribers.
carrie
Hey, nice. The video I watched was called the “Trump/Tesla Connection.” A lot there. Very meaty. And jumping ahead a little bit, I came back the next day, and talked to Dylan again, and I was like “Oh, hey, I watched one of your videos.” And he was like, “Oh my God, that’s amazing, which one?” I said, “Oh, the Trump/Tesla one.” And he’s like “Oh my gosh, that’s so cool! This really tells me that you get it. And like, I knew that, I knew that when I met you that like, you get it. You know, you’re like me, we have a kindred spirit. I wanna give you something.” And I said, “Cool.” And he got out this.
ross
[Gasping] I saw that earlier!
carrie
So, it was hidden beneath his table, and he said, “I only give this to initiants.” And it says “Lord Ashtar” on the back, and on the front is a glowing white man with long, blond hair. And Lord Ashtar is one of the extraterrestrials that he’s been in telepathic contact with. And Lord Ashtar has actually been talking to humanity from space since the 1950’s. He’s the administrative director of Ashtar Command, and he’s here to assess Earth and humanity through the current cycle of planetary cleansing, and spiritual ascension.
ross
Alright, here is—I’m gonna take a picture of Carrie with Lord Ashtar. Excellent.
carrie
So, I’m an initiate now. So then right after that, I was like, “Oh, yeah, okay, I wanna buy a couple of your things.” Drew had expressed interest in wanting the Watergate/Pizzagate/Stargate shirt. So I got that. [Both laugh.] Um, and then I said, “Oh, and you know what, I’m friends with the head of the Satanic Temple.”
ross
Oh, yeah!
carrie
“Do you have anything he’d like?” And Dylan's face just fell.
ross
Like, “Can you give me back my Lord Ashtar?”
carrie
Exactly, and he goes, “Oh…”
ross
“They’re on the bad list! Didn’t you see them clearly labeled amongst 50,000 other tightly written terms and phrases and groups?”
carrie
Yeah, he said, “You’re friends?” And I said, “Yeah, his name’s Lucien.” And he’s like, “Okay.” And I said, “I mean, he doesn’t believe in Satan. The Satanic Temple is kind of a—it’s a little cheeky, but they don’t actually believe in Satan. It’s more of a statement of just sort of, like, rejecting authority, and finding your own inner moral compass, kind of thing.” And he was like, “Oh, okay, um…” And so he starts pawing through his shirts, and he picks out one that has this design on it, which I think you noted earlier, and mentions Satanists and baby eaters and all of that. And he’s like, “I don’t know, do you think he’d like this?” And I was like, “Oh, absolutely.” And so, I saw him just, like, trying to decide, “I wanna make this sale.”
ross
“Can I tell her anything else?”
carrie
That too, but I really think he was like, “Er, I’d like her $30, but I would also not like to support the leader of a Satanic cult. Ooh, toughy.” He decided to sell it to me. So then, later, I emailed him, and Lucien, because I had shown Lucien the shirt. I took a picture of it and sent it to him, and he was like, “Oh my God, it’s so great!” So I said—Lucien has a popular Patreon channel, and I was like, “You wanna talk to Dylan on your channel?” And he was like, “Oh my God, absolutely, see if you can hook it up!” So I wrote to Dylan, I was like, “Hey, uh, I’m talking to Lucien, and he’d love to have you on the show.” [She devolves into laughter.] And he never replied! Yeah.
ross
Oh no. He’s like, burning his computer now.
carrie
[Laughing] Yeah. But the very last thing that happened between me and my best friend Dylan is, he was like, “Oh, I also have to show you, before you go, this crazy thing. When I took a picture of you holding up the print of the alien art, just as I was taking that picture, someone walked by with one of my stickers, one of my light code stickers. And it just—”
ross
And then most of us would say, “Cool coincidence!”
carrie
And it just happened—
ross
Sorry. I accidentally clicked on “Area 51 Storm, and the Return of Q”. I’ll pause that, continue.
carrie
He said, “And it just so happened that as this woman walked by with the light codes, it perfectly lined up with a beam of light in the art you were holding.” And indeed, in my art, there’s like a beam coming out of the UFO ship, and straight down through the painting, and this sticker was lining up, not perfectly, but pretty close to that beam of light.
ross
Okay, let me get a picture of you with this.
carrie
And, okay, and I’ll show you the picture he took in a sec, here.
ross
I’m perfectly lining it up with light in the background. Alright, here goes.
carrie
Now, let me show you the pictures.
ross
Seems like he’s got mixed signals, here, about you. You know Lucien Greaves. He had this premonition about you, and light goes off, and synchronicities happen. [Carrie affirms.] So, are you good, or are you evil? Are you a good witch, or are you a bad witch?
carrie
I think I’m evil. [Much higher pitched] I think I’m evil?
ross
“I’m not a witch at all!”
carrie
So, here it is, and I think you’ll immediately recognize the person holding the sticker is me. I’m holding it in my left hand, while holding the art in my right hand.
ross
Whereas someone’s walking by in the background, he’s interpreting them as holding a much larger copy of the sticker at a farther distance.
carrie
Uh-huh.
ross
Yeah, he should—oh, bless his heart.
carrie
Also, it’s not that lined up with the beam. But I did write back, and said, “Thanks so much for this. You know, I think that’s me holding the star code beneath the image.” And he didn’t reply. [Ross laughs.] Anyway. He and I are getting married.
ross
Well, we’re sorry for Drew. [Carrie laughs.]
carrie
But you can see why it’s worth it. You know.
ross
I mean, yes. If you don’t understand it, listener, there will be a diagram forthcoming.
carrie
Yes. And I also met someone selling what’s called the Eye Pyramid, which is a pyramid with a pendulum hanging in it, and it’s spinning around, spinning around, spinning around. And the way it was spinning really made you feel like it was interacting with a magnet, like that we had the same polarities, and so it was like, being repelled. So I said, “Oh, this is cool! What do we got here, we got one magnet here, and one down here, and the one in the bottom is spinning around?” And he was like, “No. What we do is, we take a tone, we play it inside of the machine, and then that tone will be some sort of healing tone that generates the gyration.”
ross
Duh!
carrie
Yeah! And I said, “Oh, I don’t hear the tone.” And he’s like, “Yeah, the tone’s inside.” Okay. So, uh—
ross
Wait, was this the booth where they were handing out, like, headphones?
carrie
I don’t think it was.
ross
Or that was a different thing? Okay.
carrie
I don’t think there were headphones, no.
ross
There were so many booths, people. So many booths. So many pyramids!
carrie
But don’t worry, this pyramid with the tone you can’t hear, that can heal various ailments. So I uh, I took a video of him explaining a lot of this, we’ll put that up. What else what else what else? Met a guy who is writing a comic book called Righteous that’s based on his own life. It’s a series about an ad exec who is visited by an energetic being and becomes enlightened.
ross
Oh, okay, your typical Hollywood story.
carrie
[Laughs] I did read the first chapter, you can get it for free on his website, which is RighteousComic.com, and it’s pretty fun, pretty fun. Oh yeah, I mentioned that I got that alien print for Drew. Those were all by Douglas Taylor, who is the guy who says that he was abducted, and then he started drawing them. And I think we saw him at the Ozark Mountain UFO Conference as well. [Ross affirms.] Very cool prints. Drew really liked his.
ross
Can I ask how much did the print cost?
carrie
It was $35.
ross
It was a good size, too, it was like two feet by three feet or something like that.
carrie
It’s big. Something like that. It’s big. So then, you had left, and I went down to the bottom floor, the secret lower lower floor. That’s the floor that like, it’s the unpopular little sister of the floors.
ross
Right, yeah, you can tell these are cheaper booths, perhaps.
carrie
And just, there are no windows, and it’s just got that very, you know, underground at a conference feeling. So I stopped at one booth with a water purifier that was called The Water Slapper.
ross
The Water Slapper! Alright, why not?
carrie
And at the same booth, they were selling something called Superhero Lotion that revitalizes powerful people. So, as I’m walking by, I don’t really wanna talk about the water slapper. But a man comes up to me, and is like, “Hey, uh, what’s catching your eye?” And I said, “Oh, that lotion, that Superhero Lotion was catching my eye. What is that?” And he was like, “Oh, wow. That draws the attention of a very few select, very special people. It draws the attention of superheroes. And it reinvigorates your superhero energy.” I’m like, “Oh, wow, cool, okay.” And then he says, “Oh wait, hang on hang on, can you actually give an interview to my friend here?” I’m like, “What?”
ross
Woah. Yeah, that’s unusual.
carrie
Yeah, and he’s like, my friend here, she’s taking just, like, 3-5 minute interviews. So I was like, “Okay” So this very young woman, maybe 20, comes up with a little camera, and she’s like, “I’m an aspiring YouTuber, and I am taking a video of everybody and asking them for the same five questions. Do you mind?” And I said, “Sure.” And she sits me down, and she’s like, “Define conscious.” And I’m like, “Oh.”
ross
I just like the idea of an aspiring YouTuber, since there is no—there’s no—
carrie
There’s no barrier to entry. Yeah.
ross
[Laughs] Exactly!
carrie
So she asked me to define the word conscious and I’m like, you know, just briefly trying to decide, like, do I use my actual definition of the word conscious? I guess so, okay. So I was like, “Okay, I guess I think of conscious as aware of the self, and absorbing inputs from the senses.” And she’s like, “Oh, okay. How would you define the Conscious Life Expo then?” And I’m like, “Okay, I guess I would say it’s a meeting of people who are all sharing various claims that are sort of on the outside of what we would understand from science.” And she’s like, “Okay.” And she’s like, slowly realizing like, “Why are you here?” And I could see that on her face!
ross
Well, you’re an aspiring YouTuber.
carrie
You figure it out. Yeah, so then she said—oh yeah, she said, “Have you ever had an experience that just really shifted your understanding of spirituality?” [Ross responds emphatically.] And I was like, “Yeah, okay, so—” And I’m not gonna go into this, because everyone’s heard it a million times, but I have this story about having carbon monoxide poisoning, and thinking I was haunted. So I tell her that story, and very briefly, and she’s like “Oh, my God! That’s crazy! Um, okay.” But you could just see, yeah, she’s like, “I don’t understand.” So finally, she leaves, and that first guy who had pulled her over, he was like, “So, what’s your thing?”
ross
Oh, wow, he said it like that?
carrie
Yeah. And I was like, “What’s my thing?” He’s like, “What’s your… [Long sniff] What’s your thing?” [Ross laughs.] And I said, “My favorite color is orange.” And he was like, “Oh! Let me get the color cards.” And he just like turned back.
ross
Oh wow! Squirrel!
carrie
[Laughs] Yeah, totally. So he went and got these cards, and he was like, “Orange means you’re like this! This is what your personality is like!” And I was like, “I can’t believe I got off the hook that fast.”
ross
Yeah, well done!
carrie
Thank you! And then he asked me to look at the cards, and pick out ones that were speaking to me, and I was like, eh, brown and purple. And apparently brown meant centered and logical, and purple was more new-agery fairy. So he was like, “Isn’t that amazing? That—because you’re clearly a brown, but you’re here at this convention, which is more purple! I mean, how can you not believe in this stuff?” Um. [Both laugh.] And then he was like, “You gotta go talk to the woman with the superhero lotion.” So I go, and I sit down with the woman selling the lotion, and—
ross
She was, what, nearby at a—
carrie
She was at the same table.
ross
Oh, same tab—okay, so you stepped half a foot to the right.
carrie
Yup. He’s like, “Now you gotta talk to her, you gotta.” So I sit next to her, and I’m like, “Hi, I’m sorry, I don’t know why I’m here.” And she said, “I don’t know why you’re here either.” [They burst into laughter.] We both looked at each other—
ross
Well, we’re at an impasse.
carrie
Yeah, and uh, she’s like, “He told you to come over here?” And I’m like, “Mm-hm.” And she’s like, okay, and she kind of looks at him like, “Fuck you, man.” [Both laugh.] And then uh—I was like, “Well, I saw your superhero lotion. You know, I’m kind of intrigued by it.” And she’s like, “Well, we can give you a sample.” I said, “Okay, sure.” So she puts some in my hand, and it said on it like, “colloidal silver treats many things” or something like that. So I said, “Oh, is there colloidal silver in this?” And she said, “And gold.” So I picked it up and looked at the ingredients and neither of those were listed.
ross
Oh, wow! And those would be important ones to list.
carrie
Yeah. So I said like, “Oh, they’re not in the ingredients list.” And she’s like, “Oh, that’s a different—that’s a different thing.” Okay. [Both laugh.] So she’s—she said that you can put it on your hands and your face. It won’t make you break out.
ross
She doesn’t even know which bottle she’s pointing at.
carrie
Which bottle? Oh, gosh! I interpreted it as just like, “Oh, ingredient lists, those are like a whole other concept.” [Both laugh.] Who knows? I don’t know. Um, so she’s like, “These won’t make you break out, though. Like, don’t worry. You can put it all over your face. I do it all the time and like, I get bad acne, but this doesn’t give me the acne.” I’m like, okay. And then I said, “Well, how about this? I’ll wear it tonight. I’m gonna be back tomorrow, so if I feel anything, I’ll come back and get some.” And she’s like, “Good, good. You know, I’m a science-minded person, too. I have a science background, so I get it.” And I said, “Oh, cool. What’s your science background?” And she said, “Everything. I love biology, but my favorite is probably doing surgery.”
ross
Wh—oh God. Wait. Okay. [Carrie laughs.] “I have a science background.” “What is your background?” “Everything. I’m a fan of—”
carrie
“I love biology.”
ross
“—biology, but mostly the surgery.”
carrie
[Laughing] “My favorite was doing surgery.” So I said—
ross
That was the end of the conversation, right? [Both laugh.]
carrie
No! So I said, “Oh, were you in med school?” And she said, “Ah, I’ve been in lots of schools.”
ross
Oh. What is going on?
carrie
And I said—[Laughing] I said, “Okay. Where else do they allow you to do surgery?” And she just nodded like this.
ross
Carrie is scrinching her lips together with a knowing nod, up and down, very self-satisfied. So she’s not answering your question. She hasn’t done any surgery in her life. Maybe a psychic surgery.
carrie
Exactly. So much more happened, Ross, but I think we’ve got to save it.
ross
Oh, seriously? Yeah, but—
carrie
Oh my god, there’s so much more.
ross
Wow. This conference, okay, it’s taking a lot longer to describe than we thought. There’s just so much going on!
carrie
There was so much! I mean, we could have gone to just that lotion lady and given you an episode about it.
ross
I guess so. Alright well, I hope you don’t mind all this detail about the Conscious Life Expo. But there’s more to come!
carrie
Well, that’s it for our show.
ross
Our theme music is by Brian Keith Dalton.
carrie
Our administrative manager is Ian Kramer!
ross
Our editor is Victor Figueroa.
ross
That would be a lovely thing to do. You can also support us by giving us a positive review on iTunes or whichever platform you use to listen to podcasts. You can also tell a friend about us. Tell other people, find out. Little known secret. [Carrie affirms.] You can also find us on social media. We’ve got Facebook. Facebook.com/onrac.
carrie
We have Twitter @OhNoPodcast.
ross
And I just wanted to mention this again, we have transcripts on MaximumFun.org, if you go to our podcast page. Usually it’s a, you know, few week delay but you can find transcripts of previous podcasts. I think that’s super cool for people who can’t hear the podcast, people who want to look things up, find something we said. I find it super helpful myself.
carrie
[Speaking slowly (thank you)] And thank you to the person transcribing this right now.
ross
You are a hero to the people.
carrie
You need superhero lotion.
ross
We thank you.
carrie
And remember!
clip
Speaker 1: The dark churlis makes the case, he does, that it was Nixon that passed the Tesla tech to Trump, because Nixon had it in his possession at that time. Speaker 2: And then— Speaker 1: So that would explain at least some of the parts of, you know, how Nixon got himself— Speaker 2: Well, the letter. We didn’t even say what the letter says. Speaker 1: Yeah, the letter says, “I really think you should—” Speaker 2: “—run for president.” Speaker 1: “—run for president someday.” [Both laugh.] Speaker 3: That’s crazy. Speaker 1: That’s a real thing. Speaker 2: Yeah, that’s not— Speaker 1: Yeah, the letter is in the Oval Office right now, I think, right?
clip
[Clip starts at high speeds, and increases speed until it is no longer discernible.] Speaker 1: Body, mind, and spiritual evolution. Our desire to have free energy to know how UFOs— [Clip plays for several more seconds.]
music
ONRAC Theme Song
promo
Music: Intense sci-fi music. Narrator: Fairhaven’s a city in a bubble. An actual bubble. It keeps the monsters out. Most of them, anyway. [Sounds of a crowd panicked and shouting in the background.] Justin McElroy: I never liked the look of movies on Blu-ray! For my money, Betamax is the superior format! Travis McElroy: I’m thinking of deleting Facebook and going back to MySpace! Griffin McElroy: As far as beverages go, I’m just kind of over water! Narrator: Though, I guess at any given party, you’re gonna meet some dudes like that, even if you’re not in the middle of a nightmarish wasteland. Bubble. The sci-fi comedy from MaximumFun.org. Just open your podcast app and search for Bubble. [Music finishes.]
promo
usic: Upbeat, cheerful music plays in the background. Allie Goertz: Hi, I'm Allie Goertz! Julia Prescott: And I'm Julia Prescott. And we host— Both: —Round Springfield! Julia: Round Springfield is a new Simpsons podcast that is Simpsons-adjacent— Allie: Mm-hm. Julia: —um, in its topic. We talk to Simpsons writers, directors, voiceover actors, you name it, about non-Simpsons things that they've done. Because, surprise! They're all extremely talented. Allie: Absolutely. For example, David X. Cohen worked on The Simpsons, but then created a little show called Futurama! Julia: Mm-hm! Allie: That's our very first episode. Julia: Yeah! Allie: So tune in for stuff like that with Yeardley Smith, with Tim Long, with different writers and voice actors. It's gonna be so much fun, and we are every other week on MaximumFun.org or wherever you get your podcasts! [Music fades out.]
speaker 2
Comedy and culture.
speaker 3
Artist owned—
speaker 4
—Audience supported.
About the show
One Bad Mother is a comedy podcast hosted by Biz Ellis about motherhood and how unnatural it sometimes is. We aren’t all magical vessels!
Join us every week as we deal with the thrills and embarrassments of motherhood and strive for less judging and more laughing.
Call in your geniuses and fails: 206-350-9485. For booking and guest ideas, please email onebadmother@maximumfun.org. To keep up with One Bad Mother on social media, follow @onebadmothers on Twitter and Instagram.
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