Transcript
biz ellis
This is Biz. I’m a part-time working mom with two full-blown kids.
theresa thorn
And I’m Theresa. I have a family business, two young kids, and a toddler.
biz
This is a show about life after giving life. Don’t listen with your kids, ‘cause there will be swears. This… is One Bad Mother.
music
“Summoning the Rawk” by Kevin MacLeod. Driving electric guitar and heavy drums. [Continues through dialogue.]
biz
This week on One Bad Mother—trash versus treasure! Revisiting what our kids want to keep. Plus, Biz gets the guilt job and Theresa finally shows up.
crosstalk
Biz and Theresa: Wooooo! [Biz extends the cheer into a song.] [Biz and Theresa repeatedly affirm each other as they discuss their respective weeks.]
biz
Seven years we’ve been “woo”-ing!
theresa
Yeah!
biz
Isn’t that crazy?
theresa
It’s so crazy! [Biz laughs.]
crosstalk
Theresa: It’s crazy. Biz: It is!
biz
How are you, Theresa?
theresa
I’m feeling pretty good today!
crosstalk
Biz: Oh! Theresa: Yeah!
theresa
I had a kind of a win this morning. I… finally showed up to morning reading in kindergarten for Oscar. [Biz laughs.] Um—which is something they’ve had, like, once—once or twice a month every month since kindergarten started. And I have not made it to a single one. Because my life is crazy. And… he has been kind of dealing with that and that’s been okay. But I’ve always wanted to go; I just haven’t been able to make it happen. But this morning—this is not something I even, like, was thinking I would do? But last night, he like, caught me in a moment? Where he was like—mom, tomorrow there’s also morning reading and I would just really like it if you could take— [Biz laughs.] —like, you know like that—that thing. Where he was like—really—you could tell he really wanted me to go. And he was saying it in a nice way. And I was just—I couldn’t… say—I was like—I will find a way to be—like—yes. Okay. Yeah. But I was really nervous about it because mornings are hard anyway, and I tend to get a little anxious in the mornings and I don’t like feeling rushed in the mornings and I also knew I had a big day and I wanted to, like, have time to shower? ‘Cause I knew I wouldn’t be coming home later. Blah, blah, blah. Anyways—I did it! I just did it! I did it. I did it. I only had, like… [Biz laughs.] Eight minutes to get myself ready this morning? And I just did it! I totally did it. Went to morning reading. I had Curtis with me for morning reading ‘cause that’s the way that worked out. And he did great and was excited to be there and Oscar was really happy and it was very cute. So I’m feeling like… okay. I’m doing stuff.
biz
You did it!
theresa
Yeah.
biz
You showed up for it!
theresa
I showed up.
biz
Very good job!
theresa
Thank you. How are you, Biz?
biz
Funny—Ellis has a similar thing that I can’t show up for. It’s the visit to the school farm ‘cause it’s on Monday at the exact time we record. So he had—he himself has been working on getting over the fact that I can’t show up. And… and it’s been okay. So… yesterday, I… am not anywhere near Pasadena. And I see that there’s a message—a voice message on my phone as I’m getting in my car. Not close to Pasadena, where Ellis is. And it’s the school. And he has been… hit in the head— [Theresa gasps.] —with a brick. [Laughs.]
theresa
Oh my god!
biz
At the farm. Now—
theresa
He’s fine.
biz
He’s fine.
theresa
Obviously.
crosstalk
Biz: They were— Theresa: Oh my god!
biz
When I got the whole story finally? They were… a group of them were hanging out—the farm is a place for children to be free.
theresa
Free range.
crosstalk
Theresa: Free range farm! Biz: Free range…
biz
Free range farm. Lotta trouble you can get into at the farm. That’s okay. So they were playing some sort of game and one of the kids—great idea for an invention, gonna tie this brick to a string and hang it from a tree. [Laughs.] Sure! I—I get it. What do you do with a brick on a string? It swings! And it just—it—as one kid described it—as one kid described it, it went forward and then it came back! [Theresa laughs wildly.]
crosstalk
Biz: And hit Ellis— Theresa: [Through laughter] I love that!
biz
—like, right in the head. Boooonnnng! Is what the other kid said. So the school calls me and I’m like—uh… I’m like trying to get back in touch with them and of course no one’s answering the phone and I finally get somebody, I’m like—how is he—is this an ER visit? Or is this, like, a—and they’re like—it’s a really big goose egg but he’s not showing any signs of there being a concussion or anything. But it is really big. I said—well, we signed something at some point that he could have Tylenol. Does he want any Tylenol? And she’s like—okay. I’ll ask. And I said—okay. I—I—okay.
crosstalk
Theresa: You could’ve offered that earlier. But sure. Biz: Just right away.
biz
So I then get in touch with Stefan and I say—who’s—luckily works just a few blocks from the school. And I say, if it’s poss—this is what’s happened. If it’s possible—‘cause I’m nowhere near the school—can you go check on it. Just check in and then you can let me know—do I need to come straight there and get him. Do we need to go to the ER. Like, I want your assessment of the situation. And he’s like, okay. I can do that. And I’ll be honest—I was gonna try and squeeze in a walk. [Laughs.] Like, I’m in sweats. I was like—am I going to get him? And it’s also a day we agreed to watch another kid right after school for 15 minutes. There’s a lot of stuff happening! He calls back and says—it’s big! But that’s good. And, y’know, he seems fine! He was fine. And I made sure they gave him Tylenol. And I was like—great. So I did not go!
theresa
Great!
biz
Yeah! I walked! And then I picked him up and he was fine and he was—he’s fine! He’s fine, guys! It didn’t even look that bad to me ‘cause it had gone down. This morning—I’m taking Ellis to school, and… one of his teachers—older gentleman—says, Ellis! Y’know. How—how are ya? And I—he’s like—I’m good! And he’s like—how’s your—no, no! Come here! I wanna see your head! How’s your head? And Ellis is like—it’s fine. And I was like, yeah, he’s fine! And he was like—I mean, it—it got… really big yesterday! I mean, I—I—I thought for sure, uh, you were gonna come and get him and take him home! You know. And I was like—
theresa
Huh.
biz
Okay. Every indication I got from the school was—he was okay. And I sent Stefan—who also assessed that he was okay—
theresa
You went into defense mode.
biz
And—I don’t think this guy was—I think it was just, like, this—I really—
crosstalk
Biz: —honest— Theresa: No, I just mean mentally defense mode!
theresa
Like, wait a minute! I did everything right! Right?
crosstalk
Theresa: Like, I did all this stuff! Yeah! Biz: Yeah. I mean, he clearly doesn’t have a concussion.
biz
He clearly is fine. You know. We called our ER doctor— [though laughter] y’know, father-in-law just for—uh, y’know, like—our kids have gotten hit in the head a few times. [Laughs.] So we’re, like, pretty good at it! I think. Dr. Mom. [Theresa laughs.] But I just was like—what?!
theresa
Oh, interesting.
biz
We clearly already made the choice—
theresa
Yeah! It’s over!
biz
He’s fine.
crosstalk
Theresa: Yeah. Why are we— Biz: You guys—
biz
I was told you were keeping an eye on him and if he indicated any signs, you guys would give me a call. Anyway! Now that’s just rolling around in my head like a marble.
theresa
Right! [Biz laughs.] Right.
biz
I guess like—great.
theresa
I mean— [sighs.]
crosstalk
Biz: I—yeah—bluh— Theresa: No! It’s just that—
theresa
—sometimes people say things that are so anxiety-provoking and if you already suffer from anxiety and you’re—you’re the opposite end. You’re the person who needs to be told—
crosstalk
Biz: Assured— Theresa: This is—
theresa
—not a thing that you need to be worrying about right now. Some people do need to be told, mmmm—
crosstalk
Theresa: You might need to worry about this or do something, but that’s not you! That’s not you! It’s not helpful. Biz: You should worry. Right! But I’d already gone through this—right! Yeah. [Laughs.] My thing. [Laughs.]
theresa
It’s not helpful timewise? And it’s not helpful personality-wise.
biz
Right! I just was like—I’d already gone through this thing of like—well, one time Katy Belle fell and I got her and brought her home. Y’know? Like— [Laughs.] Ahhhh! Any… hoo. [Theresa sighs.] He’s doing fine, guys.
theresa
I’m glad to hear it.
biz
Uh—
theresa
Should probably go get him right now.
biz
I should probably go get him right now!
theresa
You should just leave and go get him.
biz
Just leave! So… again—little guilt. Which kinda— [Theresa laughs.] —ties in to what we’re going to revisit today… which is: is it trash, or treasure?
music
Banjo strums; cheerful banjo music continues through dialogue.
theresa
Please—take a moment to remember: If you’re friends of the hosts of One Bad Mother, you should assume that when we talk about other moms, we’re talking about you.
biz
If you are married to the host of One Bad Mother, we definitely are talking about you.
theresa
Nothing we say constitutes professional parenting advice.
biz
Biz and Theresa’s children are brilliant, lovely, and exceedingly extraordinary.
theresa
Nothing said on this podcast about them implies otherwise. [Banjo music fades out.] [Biz and Theresa repeatedly affirm each other as they discuss the weekly topic.]
biz
Theresa.
theresa
Yes.
biz
Trash or treasure?
theresa
Mm-hm.
biz
I say guilt, because I always feel a little tinge of guilt when I wanna throw away actual garbage that my children have and love. We have spoken about this in a variety of ways, from weird things that your children keep? Bag of toenails. Rocks. Art projects—
crosstalk
Biz: —from school—feathers! Theresa: Feathers they’ve found.
biz
[Laughs.] Yeah. A bag of hair? Y’know. Whatever. It’s— [Laughs.] [Theresa laughs.] Don’t you all have bags of hair and fingernails in your—in your house? Anyway. [Theresa laughs.] Things that are too precious to throw—“I love it! I love that horn that you blow and it unravels and then it ravels back!” Right? Like—and—fuck it. Keep it. We’ve gone through a lot of this, and I thought it might be interesting… to revisit it. ‘Cause some things have changed in our house!
theresa
I think it’s an on—it’s a journey.
crosstalk
Biz: It is a journey! Theresa: This is a journey. That—
theresa
It’s a— [Biz laughs.] —it’s a never-ending story?
crosstalk
Theresa: It’s a— Biz: One step at a time!
theresa
—incredible journey.
crosstalk
Theresa: What’s another one? Biz: [Singing] Neverending stooo…
biz
It’s one step forward, two steps back? [Theresa laughs.] Is that the way? No, I think it’s two steps forward; one step back?
theresa
It’s—
biz
An Odyssey?
theresa
Yeah. There we go. [Biz laughs.]
biz
It’s… a story passed down from generation to generation. [Theresa laughs.] That is too long. But I think you’re right! I mean, there’s—there’s—it’s something that you’re constantly looking at. Like, it’s not just the fucking toys or actual garbage. Like, I keep opening the drawer that’s got, like, kid plates in it? And I’m like—I mean, I’ve already done kid’s silverware. Is pretty much gone. Right? And now I’m like—I mean—we still kinda use these for sitting on the couch and having a snack? But like… I could also have a drawer back. Like—is it…
theresa
Yeah! We upgraded our plates, like, maybe a year ago to like… some—they’re still kid plates but they’re like… glass? They’re like sort of—slightly durable glass? And… they’ve been great. But we keep those old plastic ones in the back of the cabinet just because I feel like… we might need that!
biz
Yeah! Yeah! [Laughs.]
theresa
At some point! And then, like, Curtis does ask for a plate sometimes to play with? And I’m like—the glass ones are not to play with, so then we do pull out the other one. And I’m glad I have it? But then I’m also kind of not glad? ‘Cause then I just find it in my house again?
crosstalk
Biz: Yeah! With, like—parts in it? Theresa: And then I have to put it away?
biz
Or trash in it? Or like, paint in it! Or experiments in it. Alright. So… I would like to start. With, I think, one of the big reasons this can be a problem. And that is—your child likes something, and you do not.
theresa
Oh, yes.
biz
Might you have a story to share?
theresa
I do! [Biz laughs.] Yeah! Because this isn’t just about things that have been in our houses for a long time. This can also apply to something that just came home yesterday!
crosstalk
Biz: Stuff just comes home, doesn’t it? Yeah! [Laughs.] Theresa: For example. Yes! Yeah!
theresa
And I—by the way, I have thrown away lots of things that just came home. I’ve gotten very bold.
crosstalk
Biz: Oh, so bold! Theresa: Very bold.
theresa
Because if they come home from, like, a little party or whatever? They bring little somethings home from school? And it’s sitting on the dining room table for a few days and they haven’t touched it since it came in? It’s going right back out. [Biz laughs.] Going right back out. Um—and that has never come back to bite me in the ass, by the way. Like, that’s—that’s a pretty tried and true… approach. Anyways. I do have a story about this—my wonderful daughter, Gracie, who is eight years old—brought home a toy from school yesterday that she apparently earned as some kind of—they do a lot of, like, incentives at her school. As some kind of incentive, she earned this toy. I’m just pulling up a picture of it so Biz can see what we’re talking about.
biz
Okay.
theresa
And this is—I want you to understand the size of this toy is about…
crosstalk
Theresa: This big. It’s—very large. It’s the size—it’s bigger than a basketball? Biz: I—she’s—she’s showing us. By the way, guys. It’s like—if you were a—
biz
If you were holding three basketballs together? Like—
crosstalk
Biz: As a thing? That’s gonna sound big. I’m ready! Theresa: Yeah! Together. That’s—how big this is.
crosstalk
Biz: Holy shit! It’s a Gremlin! That’s a Gremlin from the movie Gremlins but it’s a spider Gremlin! Theresa: It’s—if you guys wanna look this up, it’s—it’s a spider Gremlin.
biz
Holy—
theresa
If you google Spider Gremlin—
biz
—shit.
theresa
—you will find this toy that my child— [Biz laughs.] —brought home from school.
biz
Oh my god!
theresa
I—
biz
That’s not, like, a cute robot thing.
crosstalk
Biz: That’s— Theresa: I can’t—
theresa
I find—I find it physically upsetting to look at?
biz
Wow!
theresa
Not just the picture, but the thing in real life.
biz
Does it move like a horrible nightmare?
theresa
It’s not electronic. It doesn’t, like, move?
crosstalk
Biz: What the fuck does it do? Theresa: It’s just like a mo—
theresa
It’s like a—an action figure. It’s like a model. And the le—but you can move the legs yourself.
biz
My god.
theresa
And it has, like, the big— [Biz laughs.] —spider, like, body? And back? Like, the big—
biz
Like, the sac! Like a big old spider butt sac!
theresa
It’s—you guys—don’t look this up unless you’re like up for it. Because it’s really gnarly. Like, you just—ugh!
crosstalk
Biz: It is a surprise. Theresa: I mean, Oscar is terrified of it.
biz
I’m surprised it was just—‘cause you were describing that they keep the reward toys or whatever kind of in the corner in the class and like—like a store—
crosstalk
Biz: —so kids can—oh! Theresa: This one wasn’t.
theresa
This was a surprise.
biz
Surprise!
theresa
Yeah.
biz
Huh. Wow.
theresa
So… [Biz laughs.] That’s—that’s a whole other thing. Okay?
biz
Dear eight-year-old, I kind of know your intere—it’d be like saying—
theresa
No, no! She told them she wanted this. She found this. Told them she wanted it. And it came home.
biz
Okay. I… know 12-year-olds who would love a copy of Porky’s. But you wouldn’t [though laughter] give—like, the movie Porky’s, right?
crosstalk
Biz: You wouldn’t—it’s— [Laughs.] Theresa: I—can’t even.
theresa
I can’t even start. I can’t even start with this. What I will focus on so that I don’t just run my voice out being angry.
biz
Sure.
theresa
At other adults.
biz
Yeah!
theresa
Is—I will just say that… now this is a real challenge for my child and for me. Because what happened was—she—and I think this is, like, an extreme example of something that has happened before and can happen a lot. Which is—she was so excited to show this to me. She’s so happy. That she has this? She’s—and I—I—I’m having such a visceral reaction to it? Like, I’ve told her it’s fine if she likes horror movies. Like, I’m not gonna, like… take away—like, I’m not gonna try to make her feel bad about her interests. But I have explained to her, like—there’s stuff that you like that I won’t like and there’s stuff I like that you won’t like and that’s totally okay. You know? I want you to have the things that you are interested in! But this thing… when she showed it to me months ago? I was like—you can’t have that? Ever? And if you did have it, like, I’m—I can’t spend money on that? And I also—if you ever saved up for it and bought it yourself, it would have to stay put away. Like, you could play with it? But I can’t look at it! It really upsets me.
biz
Wow. This is something you guys have already had a conversation about!
theresa
Yes!
biz
Wowww.
theresa
And I said, it really really upsets me. It’s really just—like, it’s physi—it’s one of those things, like… y’know, when you see… like a big spider, that physical feeling of fear? And like—yes, I could probably sit there and stare at it and like try to get over it? But this is just my natural reaction to it. And so—and she knows this, but I think she kind of got her hopes up that I would change my mind or she—I don’t know. But it really hurt her feelings that I don’t wanna see it! And I don’t—y’know? And so we had this, like, pretty significant conflict last night. I didn’t say I’m gonna trash it; I didn’t say it’s gonna get thrown away; but I did say, like—I don’t—I don’t wanna see it. Like, keep it under your bed or something. Like, keep it under your covers.
crosstalk
Theresa: Or keep—she wants to sleep with it! Biz: Where all the other monsters are!
theresa
I mean, she—like, she loves this thing! Okay? That’s fine. I don’t wanna see it! So this is, like…
biz
That’s a hard—that’s a rock and a hard place.
theresa
Yeah! But I think it applies with so many other things that are not that—not as extreme. Like, there are definitely things that just keep showing up on my floor.
biz
Yeah.
theresa
Or keep showing up out on the coffee table. And… my kids are—like—y’know, there’s this like—hat that— [Biz laughs.] —is like—it’s like an Angel’s hard hat that was like a promotional hat?
biz
It’s small?
crosstalk
Theresa: That the kids—yeah! Well, it’s not small? It fits my kid’s head. Yeah. Biz: Is it like—for—oh, okay. You can go on the head.
theresa
It can go on the head. But it’s like—it just came home from a baseball game where they were giving them away or something. And like, we’re not fans of that team. And… [Biz laughs.] Like, my kids sometimes put, like—Curtis sometimes brings it out to put it on ‘cause he thinks it’s fun and cool and kind of like a construction worker hat? But it just ends up around. And it bugs me ‘cause it’s kind of big? And… it’s just sits th—like, hats are weird. There’s nowhere to— [Biz laughs.] —like, put a hat. Do you know what I mean? And it’s not—it’s not soft so you can’t put it away. It doesn’t have a thing you can hang it with.
crosstalk
Biz: Yeah, no. You can’t, like—it doesn’t go in a drawer easily. Yeah. Theresa: So it’s just—yes!
theresa
So it’s just around. And like, I would like to throw that away. But like… it’s mostly—mostly the reason I wanna throw it away is because he’s playing with it so much that it comes out a lot! [Biz laughs.] So like, it’s actually not a good thing for me to throw away! Like, it’s a thing that’s coming—the reason I—the reason it’s bothering me—like if it was just in the costume chest, it would never bother me. But he’s bringing it out—
biz
And you have to see it.
theresa
And I have to deal with it!
crosstalk
Biz: Yeah. Do you—okay. Theresa: Yeah. And see it.
biz
This is something I’m not sure we talked about, but it’s—it’s making me think of—with the baseball hat. When you have multiple children in your house, it’s like… I understand hand-me-downs. ‘K? But in our house, the moment—I’ve had to tell Katy Belle—do not announce you’re throwing something away. Because Ellis will—what are you throwing away? I would like that! And it doesn’t matter if it is actually something that’s, like, a reason—I mean, like, sure! I’m like, yeah. Give him those books! Right? That’s fine. But like… it could be…a piece of, like, garbage artwork that she, like, made and didn’t want anymore and he’s like—I want [though laughter] like right now next to his bed, there’s like, a little small, like… 4x3 palette? And it’s just covered in feathers and googly eyes? I’m like… why is this still here? I mean, it’s got, like… ugh! Why is this here? So yeah. There are things that like… come out and they’re annoying to me because they keep impacting my space. Which I think a lot of—sometimes—this is what it’s about. I have tried to—with Ellis—get into this zone of… I’m just not going in his room! [Laughs.] Like, I’m just—I’m just not going in there! You know. I—I will! Occasionally. But like… I can’t keep trying to make sense of some of this. Occasionally I will go through and do the, like, just take stuff out that I really think is taking up space and is garbage and/or he hasn’t looked at it in a million years. I’ll put it in a box! And it goes out to that garage. That plate of garbage that I gave them in their stocking this year that I talked about on the show and I posted a picture of, like, grow-your-own-crystal thing? That plate of garbage—he’s—vehemently was like, do not throw this away. It’s cute. I love it. So I took the whole tray and I just put it in the garage. And it’s been three weeks, and Stefan clearly threw it away. And the tray is now back. And… no one has said anything!
theresa
Good teamwork.
biz
Yeah! Some good teamwork there. I wanna talk about the other end of this, which surprised me.
theresa
Okay!
biz
We talk aloud—a lot about… can we help our children purge. Whether it’s really garbage or if it’s just stuff they don’t play with anymore. Right? Like, honestly, stuff—like, you—well you—with Ellis, we try and do the talk of like… look. I get that this was something that you played with. But there are other things that you like playing with more, and you really haven’t played with these in a while. Is it something you’re really still interested in? You know, we can always move it to the garage and then see—right? But like… trying to help him realize that he doesn’t have to hold on to everything. This has worked so well with Katy Belle that she purges—that child is ready to live in a New York apartment. Like, A, because her bedroom is like the size of this booth. [Laughs.] So she doesn’t have— [Theresa laughs.] —room to keep stuff. But she purges—but she purges stuff that is—still has some value! And it—it’s become tricky for us because she loves notebooks. She has loved notebooks since the time she could pick up a pen. She’s always had—and we’re like, alright. I can encourage notebooks and writing and drawing! This is great! And we’re trying to work with her on the, like… don’t feel guilty if there’s stuff you don’t want. Even if it was a gift from us. It really is okay.
theresa
Yeah.
biz
So… she comes out with like a stack of notebooks, diaries, and she says—I don’t want these anymore. And I’m like—okay. Well, let’s… let’s just—just put ‘em on my bed and I’ll—I’ll take a look. Well I don’t want you to read them. And I’m like—okay. I won’t read them. But I need to see if they’re still usable. Right? Most of them, like, three pages were written on. And then the rest is all still fine! Some of them, about half of it was full—but it was diary style stuff! And I’m like—would she want this?
theresa
Yeah! Like, wouldn’t she someday—
biz
Day—wanna—I mean, you know, look. I’m all—you don’t have to. I throw mine away. But—well I didn’t throw all—no. That’s not true. [Laughs.] I still have a box of some diaries. But like—would she find this interesting? Should this be a decision she makes a little later? Right? And then some were just filled with some garbage and I was like, this is not savable. I can’t do anything with this one. But I did! I—I divided them all up. Some went in the trash. Some I just said—these two are still really usable. I—I’d like you to consider putting them in your closet? In case you need a place to write. And… then the other ones I put in a box! That—with—along with some other stuff she had come out saying, I just don’t want this stuff in my room? And I was like… do you not want it in your room, or do you wanna say goodbye to it? And she’s like… not in my room. Great! We’ll get a Tupperware bin and we’ll stick it in there and put it in the garage! And she’s like—okay. So… that’s hard ‘cause I—y’know, part of me’s like—I should be, like, throw it the fuck away! But—I—there’s like a mix of… these are things that you asked for. These are still usable. Right? Like… I feel like I am stuck in this place of… what message is the more important message? I want you to understand things do actually have value. Some things have value and they should be used, because we can’t just go around buying notebooks after you’ve written three pages of them. Now you get a new notebook. That’s not a good lesson!
theresa
Interesting.
biz
Yeah!
theresa
Yeah! I think this—part of what’s interesting about this is like… our personal values about what we wanna save is so—kind of—hard to un-coil from… teaching our kids just about a skill, which is… getting rid of stuff that’s no longer useful. So that you can live in a nice space. That is usable to you. So like—like, I can see you almost feeling emotionally attached to the idea of her being emotionally attached to her… diaries! Y’know what I mean? In a way. And like, that’s—really nice! You know? But like… also… maybe if she threw them away… she won’t—either she won’t care, or later she’ll be like—oh, I wish I had kept those! And then she’ll—
crosstalk
Theresa: —think about maybe—yeah! Biz: Which is also a lesson! Yeah!
theresa
Like, it’s kind of—it’s interesting just how—like… so much of this is just like on a gut level? Right?
biz
It’s a—yeah.
theresa
That—like—how do you teach that or—or—or is it just a lifelong process, like, there’s time—there’s been times in my life, like… especially if we’re like moving or something?
biz
Oh yeah!
theresa
Where I’m just like—oh my god. Just fuck it. Like, fuck it!
crosstalk
Biz: [Yelling] Yeah! Fuck itttt! Fuck it! [Laughs.] Just fuck it! [Laughs.] Theresa: I—I—fuck it! I—I can’t! I can’t! I can’t! Like, I just can’t!
theresa
I’m looking at this, I’m like, sure! Something. I’m feeling something but fuck it.
biz
Fuuckk ittt!
theresa
Yes!
biz
Right! [Laughs.]
theresa
And—but then there’s other times where I do have—like, I—we di—I—recently, in my Sudafed high, I purged a lot of stuff. And a—I made a couple trips to Goodwill and one of the times when I dropped stuff off at Goodwill and I was getting back in the car and I felt kinda weird! I felt kinda… [inhales sharply] this feels really weird. I’m letting go of a lot of stuff that was meaningful at some time to our family? Am I gonna… think of something and wish I had—like, ugh! You know?
biz
Yeah. No. I—yes. I have a thought on that, but I wanna circle back and say—just to show how weird a place it can be—why don’t you just give those journals to Ellis? And I’m like, [screaming] nooooo! Ahh! [Theresa laughs.] He has too much! Stuff! Like, he doesn’t need those! He doesn’t need tho—right? Like… that’s a weird place, where, like, my instinct is—you should keep this and you should never have them. Right?
theresa
Oh, that’s interesting.
biz
Which is interesting. But… with the sentimentality of it all, I recently, like—we let filing stuff kind of pile up until it starts to fall over. And then I file it. [Laughs.] In the filing cabinet. And… y’know, I take everything out and I lay it out and I was like, y’know what? The filing cabinets are getting a little tight. I am gonna take a look and see…
crosstalk
Theresa: I need to do that. Yeah. Biz: What’s necessary!
biz
And like, the whole bottom filing cabinet, I looked in and I was like… wow. Not only do I have a ton of, like, Katy Belle’s, like, books they put together at the preschool when she was like three? Which is kinda not—to be honest, it wasn’t that interesting when I went back and looked at it. And a lot of, like, artwork that I did save of hers. Like, first fingerpaintings! And like—and I was like… wow. And y’know, it’s flaking. It’s falling apart. And I thought… none of us have looked at this. I’m looking at it, and I don’t really feel an actual attachment to it. ‘Cause she’s making a lot better art now! [Laughs.] [Theresa laughs.] And like—also… what am I—I just went through, like, a bin like this at my parents’ house? And I was like… I didn’t really want any of it! Y’know? And like—
theresa
It’s like, are you just saving it for the next time you have to go through stuff and see—
crosstalk
Theresa: —stuff and see— Biz: And I’ve been—
theresa
—whether you should keep stuff? Like—
biz
Right! And like, I’ve been ruthless with Ellis’s stuff, but I’m like—why am I keeping all this stuff of Katy Belle’s? That is essentially not great! Like, maybe one or two—like, any time she wrote, like, stories or comic books or like—‘cause they would do things where they would draw pictures and tell the teacher the story and they’d write those down? I saved those. Those are fun! They’re interesting. It’s funny to see what your ima—but like the fingerpainting or like—
theresa
Well, it depends on your kid, too. ‘Cause like, there’s probably kids who you probably got a lot more out—like, from them? Like, from their—who they were? From their, like, artwork. Whereas, like, Katy Belle it was the stories that are—
crosstalk
Theresa: You know what I mean? Like—it wasn’t just an activity. You know what I mean? Like— Biz: Yeah! The stories I would rather keep than that. And it—yeah!
biz
And it wasn’t like I was gonna throw away her entire, like, preschool existence. It was just like… why am I keeping this? Is this something… that… is—feels, like, necessary. Right? What do we have that actually triggers real sentimental value for us, versus… what is just something… because she was the first child I thought I should put in a drawer? Right? And so… as a follow-up topic, it was, like, oh! I—my feelings have changed on this. My perspective has changed. And I don’t have a need to save the—and I know that—I mean, I have a friend—she really—she is emotional to every single thing that her child’s done. So I get it! I mean, I get that that’s… like—
theresa
And people have different relationships with objects in general. Like, I feel like… Jesse really attaches a lot of emotion to objects? And I usually don’t at all. So it’s, like, an interesting…
biz
Yeah. Emotional object—it’s very—for—this is a stuffed animal follow-up.
theresa
Oh yeah!
biz
Story. So… in our room—our room—has been sitting Bubba, the, like… dog that it would take, like, two hands to pick up. This stuffed animal.
biz
Onion—
theresa
Is that the one that wasn’t in good shape?
biz
It’s not in good shape.
crosstalk
Theresa: Okay. ‘Cause I think you mentioned there was a dog that wasn’t in good shape. Yeah. Biz: It’s got, like… I probably mentioned it—yeah. It’s got, like, holes—
biz
—and stuff. Mama, can you sew this up? So it somehow made its way in. Onion the cat has loved on it.
theresa
Yes. Yes. Got it.
biz
[Meaningfully] Loved on it.
theresa
Yes. [Laughs.]
biz
A number of times. No one has asked about Bubba. Bubba’s been with us for a while, though. And I finally said to Stefan—Stefan? I need Bubba out of our room. These are the two choices—because I can’t pick up Bubba. I just—emotionally—cannot do something with Bubba. If you have it in you, could you make a choice of putting it in a bag and either putting it in the garage to store, or putting it directly in the trash can. I don’t want to know what you chose. I don’t need to know. I just don’t wanna see Bubba in the room. And… Bubba disappeared!
crosstalk
Biz: And I’ve never asked! Right? So, like— Theresa: Good job, Stefan. That’s so good. Good job to both of you.
biz
I get… feeling attached to things. And no, we’ve never spoken to the children about it. [Laughs.] Y’know? Like… it’s hard! It’s tricky. I—I think I was hoping that like my, like, no-nonsense approach to clutter? Was gonna make—this very easy? As we went through life? And it hasn’t. And as you said—things keep coming in.
theresa
Yes. It’s very hard to keep up.
biz
It’s very hard to keep up. Yeah! It sounds—if I heard you right—that the best way to handle it is to just Sudafed up!
theresa
Yeah!
biz
And go for it! Drugs— [Theresa laughs.] —will help you— [Laughs.] Will help you with deciding whether something is trash or treasure.
music
“Ones and Zeroes” by “Awesome.” Steady, driving electric guitar with drum and woodwinds. [Music fades out.]
theresa
Music: Laid-back acoustic guitar plays in the background. One Bad Mother is supported in part by Franklin & Emily, a departure from the throwaway culture of today’s kids’ furniture. Franklin & Emily’s award-winning children’s furniture is U.S.-made with materials safe for kids and their future planet.
biz
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theresa
Visit FranklinEmily.com to see how their kids’ furniture will complement the aesthetic of your home. Use code “badmother” at checkout for 15% off your first purchase. [Music fades out.]
theresa
Hey, you know what it’s time for! This week’s genius and fails! This is the part of the show where we share our genius moment of the week, as well as our failures, and feel better about ourselves by hearing yours. You can share some of your own by calling 206-350-9485. That’s 206-350-9485.
biz
Genius fail time, Theresa. Genius me!
clip
[Dramatic, swelling music in background.] Biz: Wow! Oh my God! Oh my God! I saw what you did! Oh my God! I’m paying attention! Wow! You, mom, are a genius. Oh my God, that’s fucking genius! [Biz and Theresa repeatedly affirm each other as they discuss their respective genius moments of the week.]
theresa
Okay. So, the way our family’s schedule is working this semester—it works out so that I have, like, an hour with Oscar on Mondays. Just the two of us, like, between when his school ends and when we pick up Curtis. And go home for Grace. And it’s… kind of magical.
biz
Aw.
theresa
Like, Oscar and I both like to skate? I have— [though laughter] I have rollerblades and he has roller skates and he’s gotten good enough that we can go skating together, and so we’ve been doing that. And it’s like—I try not to make it a, like, “we’re gonna skate every Monday.” Blah, blah, blah. ‘Cause like, you never know. Sometimes it’s too windy or cold or whatever. But we just—regardless, we have this time together that we know is our time! Sometimes we have an errand. Sometimes we read books on a bench. Sometimes we just go have a snack. Whatever. And he looks forward to it and I look forward to it and it’s just… the best. I love it.
biz
That is so nice!
theresa
Thank you.
biz
Good job!
theresa
Thanks.
biz
A long progress of working with Ellis to help him manage his feelings.
theresa
Uh-huh. [Laughs.]
biz
Some of it can be accredited to us; some of it can be accredited to developmental stages. But he has recently had two successes!
theresa
Okay.
biz
In managing some feelings. He really wanted to have a playdate with a friend over at our house. And we were like—okay. Understand, it will end and we will warn you when it’s ending. Like, well before. And… how do you wanna handle that? Because… ending on “everything is ruined and this was the most horrible playdate ever and I don’t like that person—” [Laughs.] Which is how they usually end— [Theresa laughs.] —I was like—uhhhhg! Right? And he was like, okay. And he did a great— [Theresa sighs in relief.] —job!
theresa
Good job.
crosstalk
Biz: And—in fact, I was like—get out of here! Because—he’s—he said goodbye! Hustle bustle! Yeah! Theresa: So good. Yeah! Yeah, we’re ending on a good note! That means quit while you’re ahead! Yeah.
biz
And then, uh, somebody [though laughter] had a birthday party at night!
theresa
Okay!
biz
Yes. I’m gonna post the picture in this indoor play space of—I guess—their three biggest rules? That are—every parent walked past and was all like—wow. Like, it is a very— [though laughter] loaded set of rules regarding children’s behavior and my favorite—parental behavior.
theresa
Wow.
biz
Wooooo! I’ll post it.
crosstalk
Biz: I’ll post it. Theresa: Is this the place where alcohol is allowed?
crosstalk
Biz: There was booze allowed, too! I couldn’t believe it! That’s probably why. Theresa: Yeah. That’s why. But that’s probably why they have to have the sign.
biz
I was just like— [though laughter] what the hell! Also I was like—there’s booze here? [Both laugh.]
theresa
Nice.
biz
What the hell! Anyway. He’s doing great!
theresa
Good job.
biz
Thank you!
caller
[Answering machine beeps.] Hi! I am calling with a genius. My five-year-old last week told us that she is a girl, not a boy. And… we said thank you so much for telling us, and we talked to school, and school said so much for telling us. And… she asked me to tell her dad, who is my ex-husband, and… was physically violent in our marriage. So very scary to approach this conversation with him. But my child is more important and I did it! And… it feels great. And she’s so happy. And… I also wanted to say thank you so much to Theresa. We have It Feels Good To Be Yourself. I think that was a huge part of what made her feel safe to tell us. And I’m doing a great job! And so are you. Thank you! Bye.
crosstalk
Theresa: Such a good job! Biz: [Yelling] So good!
crosstalk
Biz: You’re doing such a good job! [Cheering] Woooo! Theresa: Like, so many parts of this!
theresa
There are, like, 25 geniuses in this.
biz
Yeah! I know. That is some… mom-ing up and like… brave-ing up, and… ally-ing up and support-ing up of your kid. And it speaks so much about the relationship that you have created with your child, that she feels safe enough to tell you. You are doing… such a good—it’s so simple.
theresa
Yeah.
biz
To listen, guys.
theresa
Yeah!
biz
To your kids!
theresa
Yeah. Good job.
biz
And—yeah! I just—[laughs excitedly.]
theresa
So awesome!
biz
[Enthusiastically] You’re doing so good!
theresa
Yeah. Good job.
biz
So is she! Failures.
clip
[Dramatic orchestral music plays in the background.] Theresa: [In a voice akin to the Wicked Witch of the West] Fail. Fail. Fail. FAIL! [Timpani with foot pedal engaged for humorous effect.] Biz: [Calmly] You suck! [Biz and Theresa repeatedly affirm each other as they discuss their respective failures of the week.]
biz
Fail me, Theresa.
theresa
Okay. So I recently—I’m—I recently sort of came to the conclusion in my own brain that Oscar is probably lactose intolerant? [Biz laughs.] Okay. Sure. We decided to try cutting out dairy for him for a few days and just see how that went. He felt a lot better. It was obvious how much better he felt. So we just said, yeah. We’re gonna stay away from dairy for a while. His diet is pretty limited, because he’s a very picky eater. So it’s actually pretty challenging to—like—replace things that were things that he would eat! Like macaroni and cheese. Or, like, bagel and cream cheese. Or cheese and crackers, or—y’know. Yogurt! He ate a lot of yogurt for—you know. So it’s—it’s been challenging but we’ve been doing okay. But one thing that I said to him when we kind of, like, committed to doing this, was like—look. You’re not allergic to dairy. If you want to have some dairy at some point, you can. It’s not gonna kill you; it’s not the end of the world. It’s not gonna make you severely ill. We just need to, like, be careful about when we decide to do it! It should be for like a special occasion or you’re like really craving something once a week or something. And—that was fine and that did help him, like, manage. But—the reason this is a fail is that I just don’t have… like, a real… rule around— [Biz laughs.] —when he can and can’t have dairy? So like, it’ll be like—he’s with Jesse for like six hours and they didn’t have ice cream because of this; they did something else instead and then he comes home and like I give him a yogurt tube ‘cause he really wants one. And then… like, oh, he’s like desperate for mac and cheese ‘cause he’s been craving it, so I like agree you can have it tomorrow. But then he really wants some cream cheese on his crackers tonight. So I’m like—well, you gotta pick one. [Biz laughs.] And then it’s like—you know what I mean? Like, it’s that thing where it’s a slippery slope— [Biz laughs.] —and we’re doing a good job? But I’ve created, I think, actually more work for myself? And more, like, confusion for him? Because it’s kind of always on the table but not really?
biz
Yeah. As opposed to just being like, you can never have it. Everything is a—
theresa
Or like, you can only have it at birthday parties. Or like, you can—y’know, like today they’re having, like, 100th day of school celebration and they’re doing, like, 100 scoops of ice cream or something? And he thought I was gonna bring a Tofutti Cutie for him, and I never… got that ‘cause I thought—I thought—for some reason I thought we talked about it but he decided he wanted to have ice cream with his friends and I said that was fine? So then we had this miscommunication about—you know what I mean? It’s just like—he’s like, I told my teacher I’d be bring—I don’t know. I’m making this way harder— [Biz laughs.] —than it needs to be. [Laughs.]
biz
Oh, wow. You’re doing a horrible job, Dr. Mom! [Laughs.]
theresa
I know.
biz
Katy Belle wanted to make her own valentines. She and Stefan made this decision. He was gonna make copies. She was gonna draw it. She, of course, hasn’t been doing it. You know. Uh—Katy Belle, have you done it? This goes in line with, have you done your homework? I’m gonna do it later. And then, y’know, later comes and it’s before bed! And, y’know. Anyway. I had already retired to bed and overheard all of this.
theresa
Mmmm.
biz
And she clearly did some valentines, and she brought ‘em out, but they clearly weren’t maybe exactly the best way—I don’t know. I just heard Stefan, like, pushing back on the, like, format. Probably for—and—her pushing back. And… then it was—I—I heard this, like, “Well I’m not gonna do this over!” And then she stop—and he’s like, Katy Belle? And she’s like, [frustrated sounds] “Homework! I still have homework to do and I still have like—” [Theresa gasps.] And I was like—and luckily he didn’t bite. He didn’t bite! Good job, Stefan. But she—the—there was so much, like—[melodramatically] “Everything is coming to an end!” And, like, huffing and, like—not slamming, but like, [angrily] stomping to the bathroom to brush her—“I’m too tired to brush teeth.” ‘Cause the other things is—do not tell me to brush my teeth. This has been going on for years. Uh-huh. Okay.
crosstalk
Theresa: Yeah. But then—brush your teeth! Right! Yeah! Biz: Well, brush your fucking teeth! And when we both—
biz
—ever tell you! [Theresa laughs.] But then she’d—later—later!—and then you’re like—have you brushed your teeth? [Unintelligible screaming.] Anyway. Uh… I think we’re just sort of failing in that mix of… trying to respect space while simultaneously needing her to fulfil the things that she has said she wants to do!
theresa
Mm-hm.
biz
And I think my solution to that is just to keep going to bed at—early as possible. [Laughs.]
theresa
There ya go. [Laughs.]
caller
[Answering machine beeps.] Hi! This is a fail. Uh, we had to go out of town for over a week and… two classes. And I’ve signed my kid up for makeup ‘cause I wasn’t gonna lose out on those classes. And I just showed up for my kid’s makeup an hour early? [Biz laughs.] Um… and then I checked the makeup confirmation slip and they have the correct time on there. I was just wrong! And I rushed my kid out of the house an hour early and… it’s pouring rain and… now we’re gonna go sit in barn—Barnes & Noble for an hour because I can’t read an email. And, um—yeah! I just—thought that I was on top of it and, um, I wasn’t. [Biz laughs.] You guys are doing a good job. I’m not today. But I’ll get it right tomorrow.
biz
Y’know what this says? [Theresa sighs.] This is like… grass is greener, ‘cause we talk a lot about the, like, missing—y’know, I’ve done all this work to make sure we’re gonna do it and it’s the wrong day or I’m an hour late.
theresa
Right.
biz
But an hour early? Is equally rough.
theresa
It’s disruptive.
biz
Because now you’re there for, like, two hours!
theresa
Yeah.
biz
And you have to fit—it’s like—not enough time to really go anywhere?
theresa
Right!
biz
And it’s, like… too much time to try and find something to do?
theresa
And I feel like with my kids I’m always worried, like, what—what they’re gonna be like at the end of this hour? Like, are they still gonna be ready to go to this class? At the end of an hour? Of waiting around? Like—
biz
And also, like… there’s— [Laughs.] There’s something about, like, the look they give you? That’s a little, like—[judgmentally] can’t you get this together? Like, you’re still gonna get that look! Right? And I’m like—ugh. Well, I guess we’ll have a snack? But then there—[yelling, but moderately] ahhhh! Well.
theresa
Yeah.
biz
You’re doing a horrible job of being early.
theresa
Yes you are. [Both laugh.]
music
“Mom Song” by Adira Amram. Mellow piano music with lyrics. You are the greatest mom I’ve ever known. I love you, I love you. When I have a problem, I call you on the phone. I love you, I love you. [Music fades out.]
biz
Music: Mellow, jazzy piano music plays in background. One Bad Mother is supported in part by Beta Brand.
theresa
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biz
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theresa
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promo
Music: Relaxing ukulele music. Manolo Moreno: Hey, you've reached Dr. Gameshow. Leave your message after the beep. [Music stops.] [Beep!] Sara: Hi. This is Sara, and I'd like to tell you about Dr. Gameshow. Dr. Gameshow is a band of geniuses, or nerds, or brilliant artists, or kids, or some combination of all of those who get together to make a show like no other that's family-friendly. It's an interactive call-in gameshow podcast. When I found Dr. Gameshow, I found joy. I told my friends and family that if they weren't listening, they were wasting joy. I sent them the episodes that made me laugh until I cried, played it for them in the car. They laugh, too! Laugh their butts off. But they still don't listen on their own, so they're wasting joy. And I keep looking for someone to understand me. Maybe it's you! Give Dr. Gameshow a listen, and find joy. [Beep!] [Music resumes.] Jo Firestone: Listen to Dr. Gameshow on Maximum Fun. New episodes every other Wednesday. [Music fades out.]
promo
Music: Classical orchestral music. John Hodgman: Hey, everyone! It's I, John Hodgman of the Judge John Hodgman podcast. Elliott Kalan: And I, Elliott Kalan of the Flop House podcast. John: And we've made a whole new podcast! A 12-episode special miniseries called I, Podius. In which we recap, discuss, and explore the very famous 1976 BBC miniseries about Ancient Rome called I, Claudius! We've got incredible guests such as Gillian Jacobs, Paul F. Tompkins, as well as star of I, Claudius Sir Patrick Stewart! And his son! Non-Sir Daniel Stewart. Elliott: Don't worry, Dan, you'll get there someday. John: I, Podius is the name of the show! Every week from MaximumFun.org for only 12 weeks. Get 'em at MaximumFun.org, or wherever you get your podcasts. [Music fades out.]
biz
Theresa, today we talked about trash or treasure. Do you know what’s always a treasure? Listening to a mom have a breakdown.
caller
[Answering machine beeps.] [Teary voice] Hi! Um, this is a mom having a breakdown. [Sniffs.] I’ve had a really rough night. I have a six-year-old daughter and right now we are going through a phase where… we… just wanna scream and—and hit. And throw ourselves on the ground. And just… and generally… [deep breath] just be crazy, I guess. And tonight she informed me—several times—how much she hates me. And that— [sobs.] And that she wants nothing to do with me. That I’m mean. And that… she, uh… wishes she didn’t live with me. I’m, uh, I’m a single parent. Her dad’s not ever had anything to do with her. And I know she doesn’t mean it. But it’s hard. So goddamn hard. To be a fucking parent sometimes. [Sighs.] You have to bite your tongue and not say something terrible. Because you’re upset, too. But… I just… I just wanted to get it out there and… and just say something. But thank you guys. I really love your show and I appreciate everything you guys say on it. I guess that’s it. Bye.
biz
Yeah. Wow.
theresa
You’re doing such a good job.
biz
Yeah! You are! This is like… I—[sighs.] We’ve already talked about—on this show—that… we as parents are comfort zones for our children.
theresa
Yeah.
biz
That… they always act the worst around us because they feel the safest. Does that—an excuse to allow them to be awful? No! No, no, no. But that’s, like, a whole different thing. But I’m just saying—we’re the safety zone. And we have to keep our mouths shuts. We have to zip it up. We can’t respond as we would if, like, a stranger was saying [though laughter] things to us like this?
theresa
Mm-hm.
biz
There’s an added level to this, I feel, when you are single parent. Because you are the known and the other is the unknown.
theresa
Yep.
biz
And whatever is unknown? Is probably… better. To a child who is going through leaps and bounds developmentally? It’s the—like—I wish I could go marry a prince scenario. Right? Instead of living… y’know, here. It’s this… you are my safety zone and I know you are here to take care of me and a lot of times that means you’re gonna tell me no and you’re [though laughter] gonna like—you’re the parent!
theresa
Yes!
biz
So—
theresa
It’s that thing of, you’re the one that’s there. So if they’re upset, it’s your fault. It’s like— [though laughter] what I was talking about about—like, with our partners!
biz
Yeah!
theresa
Sometimes you’re just mad at the other person who’s there because something sucks and that’s the only other person there! Like, that’s—that’s just natural that she’s doing that? But it doesn’t mean that it doesn’t hurt really fucking bad.
crosstalk
Biz: It hurts real bad. Theresa: Especially considering—
theresa
—you’re doing everything. Everything.
biz
Yeah! And—yeah! It’s like, the worst trap of like… you are the—you are the one! Who is giving the most!
theresa
You’re it!
biz
You’re it!
theresa
Yeah.
biz
You know! What it means! You know all the sacrifice that you’re doing. And— [Theresa sighs.] Yet you also have to be… the solo target! Right? And… I have a friend who’s going through this exact thing. And it fucking sucks. It sucks!
theresa
It’s really unfair.
biz
It’s so unfair! And—
theresa
And you’re doing so well. Like, you’re doing amazing. Like, the fact that you’re—you’re… letting yourself have your emotions? You clearly identified exactly what the fuck is wrong with this situation? Like, you’re not blaming yourself or your kid. You know what I mean?
biz
Wooo! That’s so good!
theresa
That’s—you’re so—you’re just—you’re awesome. You’re amazing.
crosstalk
Theresa: You’re doing such a good job. Biz: You really—
biz
Yeah. You really are. And we see… you.
theresa
Yeah.
biz
And what you’re doing.
theresa
Yes, we do.
biz
And acknowledge how fucking hard it is. You’re doing… such a good job. Theresa? What did we learn today? We learned… one, no matter what you take out of your house, there’ll be something equally bad—or worse—to come into it. [Theresa laughs.] We learned that—that that’s never changed! We could revisit this two more years from now. And a lot of that’ll be the same. We’ve learned—once again!—a lot of our feelings towards this process of trash versus treasure may be wrapped up in our own feelings about things? And the fact that we have to acknowledge our children’s feelings about things. And isn’t it frustrating when you have more than one child in your house and they feel differently about— [Theresa laughs.] —things?
theresa
You guys, I hope you can hear that Biz is saying all of this with a smile.
biz
Yes! It’s just—and hand gestures. Just—wow.
theresa
Yeah.
biz
It’s—
theresa
It’s an abundance.
biz
It’s an abundance! And like—we didn’t even touch on the whole, like—
theresa
[Through laughter] Is that a shirt? [Biz laughs.] “It’s an Abundance”?
biz
It’s an abundance. Hashtag #abundance. [Laughs.] [Theresa laughs.] So—we didn’t even touch on the fact, like, Ellis is like… don’t throw that away! I can recycle it!
theresa
Uh-huh.
biz
And I’m like, uh, dammit!
theresa
Yeah.
biz
Yes?
theresa
Yeah.
biz
Yes?
theresa
Does he mean reuse it? Or re—
biz
Yeah. Reuse, recycle. And I’m like—ugh… yeah, but… it you put paint and glue and glitter on it—
crosstalk
Biz: —I can’t actually recycle it! In trash! Right! Theresa: I’m gonna have to put it in the trash! Yeah!
biz
So— [though laughter] that brings up all the feels.
theresa
Right.
biz
Yeah! You know what? I don’t know. I guess the real lesson is—support our children’s emotional growth? And get really good at sneaking into their room when they sleep to remove all the things you don’t want.
theresa
Yep!
biz
Good enough! [Laughs.] [Theresa laughs.] Good… enough. Everybody? You’re doing an amazing job.
theresa
You are.
biz
I mean, holy shit.
theresa
Yes.
biz
It’s amazing. You’re doing it by yourself. You’re doing it with others. You’re [though laughter] doing it with one. You’re doing it with many. You’re doing it in small spaces. You’re doing it in large spaces. You’re doing it—y’know—in a boat! With a goat! You’re doing it… in a lot of different ways. With a lot of things impacting you. And… yet you’re still doing all the stuff you have to do, whether you want to do it or not. Eh, it’s—it’s… an abundance. You’re all doing it? We see you. Let’s go out and see each other. And! Very important! See ourselves? ‘K? You deserve a little self-recognition. So go give yourself some self-recognition! You’re doing a great job! Theresa! You… are doing a great job!
theresa
Thanks, Biz. So are you!
biz
Thank you! We will talk to you guys… next week!
crosstalk
Biz and Theresa: Byeeeee!
music
“Mama Blues” by Cornbread Ted and the Butterbeans. Strumming acoustic guitar with harmonica and lyrics. I got the lowdown momma blues Got the the lowdown momma blues Gots the lowdown momma blues The lowdown momma blues. Gots the lowdown momma blues Got the lowdown momma blues You know that’s right. [Music fades somewhat, plays in background of dialogue.]
biz
We’d like to thank MaxFun; our producer, Hannah Smith; our husbands, Stefan Lawrence and Jesse Thorn; our perfect children, who provide us with inspiration to say all these horrible things; and of course, you, our listeners. To find out more about the songs you heard on today’s podcast and more about the show, please go to MaximumFun.org/onebadmother. For information about live shows, our book and press, please check out OneBadMotherPodcast.com.
theresa
One Bad Mother is a member of the Maximum Fun family of podcasts. To support the show go to MaximumFun.org/donate. [Music continues for a while before fading out.]
speaker 2
Comedy and culture.
speaker 3
Artist owned—
speaker 4
—Audience supported.
About the show
One Bad Mother is a comedy podcast hosted by Biz Ellis about motherhood and how unnatural it sometimes is. We aren’t all magical vessels!
Join us every week as we deal with the thrills and embarrassments of motherhood and strive for less judging and more laughing.
Call in your geniuses and fails: 206-350-9485. For booking and guest ideas, please email onebadmother@maximumfun.org. To keep up with One Bad Mother on social media, follow @onebadmothers on Twitter and Instagram.
Get in touch with the show
onebadmother@maximumfun.org
@OneBadMothers
@onebadmothers
How to listen
Stream or download episodes directly from our website, or listen via your favorite podcatcher!
