TRANSCRIPT Oh No, Ross and Carrie! Ross and Carrie Close MaxFunDrive 2024: Religious Goofball Edition

[00:00:00]

Music: “Oh No, Ross and Carrie! Theme Song” by Brian Keith Dalton. A jaunty, upbeat instrumental.

Ross Blocher: Hello! And welcome to Oh No, Ross and Carrie!—the show where we don’t just report on fringe science, spirituality, claims of the paranormal. No, no, no. We take part ourselves.

Carrie Poppy: Yep. When they make the claims, we show up, so you don’t have to. I’m Carrie Poppy.

Ross Blocher: And I’m Ross Blocher. And we are back during MaxFunDrive. Today’s Friday, the last official day of MaxFunDrive. And where are we at, Carrie?

Carrie Poppy: We are at 1,704 new, upgrading, and boosting Oh No, Ross and Carrie! listeners!

Ross Blocher: It’s amazing. Thank you so, so much to everybody who’s joined, boosted, or upgraded during the MaxFunDrive. The outpouring of love has been amazing.

Carrie Poppy: 1,700 of you came out of the woodwork and said, “I’m going to help! I will valiantly come forward on my steed and speak up for Oh No, Ross and Carrie!.” 1,704 people.

Ross Blocher: Oh, I was loving the mental image of people just oozing out of the trees, but now they’re on steeds. This is so good.

Carrie Poppy: (Laughs.) Oh, right. I did mix metaphors. Okay. Yeah. I guess what I’m picturing is that our listeners live inside of trees.

(Ross laughs.)

Oh, maybe they’re made of sap, and then they come out at night, and it drips out of the trees and coalesces into a horseman. And those are our listeners. And 1,700 of them—and four—came out to support us!

Ross Blocher: (Laughs.) If you aren’t one of those pieces of sap who coalesce into sentient life forms, go to MaximumFun.org/join. You can still get us to our next goal. We’ve got a new goal because you’ve all shown up in such an amazing way. And I know today is Friday. If you’re listening over the weekend, (stage whispering) there’s also bonus days. So, keep going Saturday and Sunday and support Oh No, Ross and Carrie!.

Carrie Poppy: That’s right. And if you do—

Ross Blocher: We already unlocked our 1,500 goal. So, that means that you get us pitching a talk to the Conscious Life Expo. And I’m just hoping they accept us, and we give this talk. I’m excited.

Carrie Poppy: So, Conscious Life Expo is a new age thing we go to every single year, and this time we would be going and trying to give our own talk. We’d be pitching and seeing if we get in. Okay, yeah, but if they get us to 2,000, what will we do?

Ross Blocher: We are going to—and we said we wanted to do this, but we will definitely go to Texas, to Rice University. There is a special collection there by Whitley Streiber. But also! Anne Streiber.

Carrie Poppy: The late Anne Streiber. And their collection is called The Archives of the Impossible. And it’s all the people who wrote in about Communion, people who had other abduction experiences, all these letters from people for decades to the Streibers.

Ross Blocher: I’m hoping for lots of drawings of people’s aliens that they’ve seen.

Carrie Poppy: That’d be so great. Yeah, I’m stoked. Please make us go to Texas!

Ross Blocher: And we’ll do other fun stuff while we’re there. But you know, you have your travel plans for the year. And maybe you can, maybe you can’t. But you can get us to Texas, make sure that we interact with these archives, and tell you all about it.

Carrie Poppy: We’ll go to Texas, so you don’t have to!

Ross Blocher: So, that’s MaximumFun.org/join. The days are numbered. Come support. Thank you.

Also, tonight—!

Carrie Poppy: Yes!

Ross Blocher: —the final day of MaxFunDrive, there’s a live show. And guess what? We’re going to be in it, both of us.

Carrie Poppy: Oh no, we’re both in it? (Nasally.) I gotta get ready! Uuh!

(Returning to her normal voice.) Just kidding. I knew I was in it.

Ross Blocher: And guess what? We have an e-meter. We’re bringing an e-meter. We’re going to read some other MaxFun hosts. It’s going to be hilarious. It’s going to be fun. You’re going to want to be there.

Carrie Poppy: Maybe it’s going to be very serious. Maybe we’re going to find out really deep shit about them and then use it against them.

Ross Blocher: I’m thinking now we show up, and all of a sudden everyone’s super somber. This is actually a very buttoned-up affair for MaxFunDrive Live. In which case, yes, we will do this.

Carrie Poppy: Yeah, they’re like, “You guys aren’t Scientologists? Well, then this is inappropriate. You need to go.”

(They laugh.)

Ross Blocher: “Oh, oh! We are! We are. We have serious questions. Do you like to read directories and timetables at train stations?” That’s one of the questions.

Carrie Poppy: Oh, is that one of the questions? How interesting. Hmm.

Ross Blocher: One of the original Oxford Capacity Analysis questions.

Carrie Poppy: Oh, interesting.

Ross Blocher: This is going to be starting at 5PM Pacific time. We’ll be on a little ways into the show, but start watching 5PM Pacific.

Carrie Poppy: (Whispering.) And listen, this is inside baseball, but I’m told that our estimated time is 6:14.

(Ross laughs.)

I don’t know if it’s gonna happen! That’s the estimated time, so if you’re coming from work and you’re running—eeh, you really just need 6:14. It’ll be online as well. So, it’s at the Elysian Theatre here in LA, and then also if you go to MaximumFun.org, you can find the live feed.

Ross Blocher: At YouTube.com/@MaxFunHQ. That’s where you’ll find the live show. And we’re coming to you today with a fun, special, advanced segment from another amazing Maximum Fun show—I think the longest running MaxFun show, Jordan, Jesse, Go!.

Carrie Poppy: Oh yeah, that could be right!

[00:05:00]

Probably that or Bullseye. But yeah, our good friends, Jordan and Jesse—their show, which is always a riot. I got to be on it on their live show the other night, and it ended up being a very religiously themed segment. So, I thought, “Oh, our listeners are gonna love this. Can we grab this?” And they were thrilled to be on the show.

Ross Blocher: Yeah, yeah. This is hilarious. I was nervous watching along like, “Would I get this?”

Carrie Poppy: Oh yeah! (Laughs.) There were a couple times I didn’t guess out loud and then was right. And then I was mad at myself. Did you feel like you were doing pretty well?

Ross Blocher: Well, I gotta say, I didn’t have the visuals at the time. I’ve now seen the video.

(Carrie “ohhh”s.)

But I was just listening as our listeners will be, so I didn’t have the visual prompts to go on. It’s that thing, if you asked me beforehand, maybe I would have given a different answer. But I felt like I did pretty well. Anyways, it’s fun. It’s all about people covering secular music as Christians. It’s amazing.

Carrie Poppy: Yeah, it’s really good.

Ross Blocher: And Carrie is competing against Blaire Erskine for the prize.

Carrie Poppy: Oh my god, Blaire, if you’re listening—I really like you, and I should have gotten your phone number or something.

Ross Blocher: Yeah!

Carrie Poppy: Not that way! Not that way!

Ross Blocher: Maybe that way.

Carrie Poppy: Maybe that way.

(Ross laughs.)

I don’t know. It’s such a complicated time. Probably not that way. Anyway, enjoy.

(Scene change.)

Jordan Morris: This is exciting. We’ve got two more guests coming out to play another religious themed game. Give it up for a comedy writer whose writing you’ve seen on Jimmy Kimmel Live and the Oscars, Blaire Erskine!

(Cheers and applause.)

And one of the hosts of MaxFun’s own Oh No, Ross and Carrie!, it’s Carrie Poppy!

(Cheers and applause.)

Jesse Thorn: Hey friends! How’s it going?

Jordan Morris: We are gonna play a game that I think you two will be very good at.

Carrie Poppy: Great! I love it.

Jordan Morris: It’s called What Are These Religious Goofballs About to Do?

(Laughter.)

Carrie Poppy: That’s because we were both religious goofballs at some point?

Jordan Morris: Yeah, you guys were both like youth group kids—am I getting that right? Am I remembering that right?

(They both confirm.)

Jesse Thorn: We famously—Blaire, one of the first things we ever talked to you about on the show was the teen nightclub JC Pineapples.

Blaire Erskine: JC Pineapples, yeah! The place for kids.

Jesse Thorn: Carrie, did you go to any wholesome—did you go to any wholesome teen hangouts when you were a teen?

Carrie Poppy: No, my church didn’t have any cutely named nightclubs for Christian kids. So, I missed out on JC Pineapples. But I did go to camp a lot. Which is kind of like a club.

Blaire Erskine: Yeah, we went to camp too. My church didn’t own JC Pineapples, the Strong Men did. So, there’s a difference.

Jesse Thorn: Wait, the Strong—the guys that ripped the phone books?

Blaire Erskine: The phonebooks in half.

Jesse Thorn: I didn’t remember this part. So, I remembered—they came up on multiple shows, right? Because they came up with Steve Hernandez too, right?

(They confirm.)

These were Christian guys that did a show at schools, public schools, where—for God—they tore phone books in half? I didn’t know that they owned the nightclub.

Blaire Erskine: They own the nightclub.

Jesse Thorn: Oh my god.

(Laughter.)

Were they in any other industries?

Blaire Erskine: I’m just realizing now they could own the whole town. I don’t know. I’m gonna go back and investigate. I’ll let you know.

Jordan Morris: Do you guys have any other—like, what were your youth group activities? Did you have any wacky stuff that happened to you?

Carrie Poppy: Jordan, it’s so funny you’d ask that. Because I was just telling you backstage that I have funny youth group stories.

(Laughter.)

It’s so weird.

Jordan Morris: It’s almost like one of the comedians didn’t show up.

(Laughter.)

Carrie Poppy: Okay, yeah, I have three—okay, I have three funny stories. And I’m gonna give three log lines.

Jordan Morris: I love this.

Carrie Poppy: And make the audience vote on which of these sounds good. Which funny youth group story do you want to hear? So, log line one: intern enlists children to help her ask out the pastor. It goes badly. Number two: intern—same intern—tells me God killed my friend to teach me a lesson.

(Murmuring from the audience.)

Jesse Thorn: Wait, churches? What is this, a financial services firm? What is with the intern?

Carrie Poppy: Oh, because of interns?

Jordan Morris: You’ve heard of college credit? Well, this is heaven credit.

(Laughter.)

You can transfer into a state heaven. Live with your parents, go to community heaven for a little while.

Carrie Poppy: They’re studying to be pastors or whatever. Yeah. Okay, and then, number three: friend gets possessed. I help.

(Laughter.)

Jordan Morris: Let’s hear it for one!

(Moderate applause.)

Two?

(Quieter applause.)

Three?

(Loudest applause.)

Blaire Erskine: We wanna hear three.

Jordan Morris: Tell that anecdoooote!

Carrie Poppy: Which one was that? Friend—number three?

Jordan Morris: I think that was possession. Yeah.

Jesse Thorn: Yeah, it was possession.

Carrie Poppy: I was on the phone with my friend, who I had brought into the church. And so, I was very invested in his salvation. And just very suddenly, (in a demented growl) he started talking in a voice like this!

(Speaking normally.) And I freaked out and was like—

[00:10:00]

“I know what’s happening! There’s a spirit inside of you! I can help!” And I started saying all the sayings from the Bible and doing all the things you’re supposed to do.

Jesse Thorn: Wait, hold on. You say that as though we know what those sayings are.

(Laughter.)

Like, I get, of course, the sayings, the possession sayings. Uh, thou shalt not have a demon inside you.

Jordan Morris: Eatin’ ain’t cheatin’.

Jesse Thorn: A stitch in time saves demons from going inside your body and taking over.

Carrie Poppy: There are no rhymes, but you are supposed to call upon the authority of Jesus and say, “You don’t own this person. Jesus owns this person.” That was the theory.

Jesse Thorn: It’s a matter of rank?

Carrie Poppy: Yeah, kinda! Actually, yeah. Yeah, completely. So, yeah, I tried to do the stuff; it wasn’t working. I was convinced that the demon knew secrets about me, which now I realize was my friend knowing secrets about me. (Dissolves into laughter.) But at the time—!

(Laughter.)

Jesse Thorn: You’ve now debunked enough psychics to know that—

Jordan Morris: His plan was airtight!

Carrie Poppy: But at the time it was shocking! How does the demon know my youth pastor’s name?! How does it know!? My youth pastor’s not here! It’s because it was also his youth pastor.

Jordan Morris: How does the demon know where my friend’s mom hides the Oreos?!

(Laughter.)

Carrie Poppy: Anyway, I eventually—and this is crazy. I eventually hung up and then freaked out, called back. He didn’t pick up. And I’ve talked to him about it since. And he’s like, “I don’t know what happened. All I can say is I wasn’t shitting you.”

Jordan Morris: Okay! (Laughs.)

Blaire Erskine: No, where is this friend?

Jordan Morris: Blaire, did you ever rip any demons from any human hosts?

Blaire Erskine: No! God damn it. Uh, no. My story—I don’t have any log lines to give you, but we went to camp too. It was called Friendship Camp. I don’t know why. (Laughs.) And we went, and they selected like—this was in 2001. It was after Left Behind, the movie with Kirk Cameron. Okay, give it up for—okay. And—thank you.

Jordan Morris: Give it up for a man who won’t kiss anyone other than his wife on camera, right?

Blaire Erskine: Bring him up!

Jordan Morris: Isn’t that a Kirk Cameron thing?

Blaire Erskine: Yeah, that’s a lot of people now. He kind of paved the way. Anyway, Left Behind came out, and it had a big impact on the youth group community. And so, at Friendship Camp, they selected a group of kids to pretend to have been taken. And like the rest of us were left behind to like know how it would feel.

Jordan Morris: Wait. They told you about this first, right? It wasn’t like a trick.

Blaire Erskine: No. Well, they told the kids who were taken, but then like 12 of us woke up, and our friends’ clothes were just lying on like their camp beds. And I thought that I was bad. (Laughter.) I thought that I had been left behind.

Jesse Thorn: They did a simulated apocalypse?

Blaire Erskine: Yeah.

Carrie Poppy: All of these pastors just need to start escape rooms.

(Laughter.)

They’ll have some place to put it, and everyone will be okay.

Jordan Morris: Yes, now there’s a shortage of youth pastors, since escape rooms became hot.

Blaire Erskine: It changed my life.

Jordan Morris: Well, yeah, it seems like you guys know what you’re talking about. So, we’re gonna play a game. What Are These Religious Goofballs About to Doooo?

Since the dawn of pop music, religious goofballs have been changing the lyrics of secular songs to be about Jesus in a bid to convince the outside world “just because we love the Lord doesn’t mean we don’t know how to have fun”. In the 1930s, Ella Fitzgerald’s “It Don’t Mean a Thing If It Ain’t Got That Swing” was altered with an abstinence message to become “Don’t Show Your Thing ‘til You Give Her a Ring.”

(Laughter.)

In the ’50s, “Good Golly, Miss Molly” became “God Golly, Miss Mary”. And the ’60s saw a deluge of Beatles parodies, including “Hey Judas”, “Here Comes the Son”, spelled S-O-N, and “Ob-La-Dee, Ob-La-God”.

(Laughter.)

Times change, but goofballs stay the same. Since the advent of YouTube, the religious community has been uploading their parody songs to inspire strangers and embarrass their families. I’m going to show you a still from a religious parody song on YouTube, and you’re going to have to guess what that parody is going to be. These are a multiple choice. And since, you know, I don’t know how religious y’all are these days, if for some reason you haven’t picked up your Bible in a while, you have one lifeline. For one of the questions, you can phone Christ.

(Laughter.)

Matt, can we get Christ on the line?

Matt: Sure, one second.

Carrie Poppy: Do we have to still be talking?

Jesus Christ: (Matt speaking in a lower register.) Hey. It’s me, Jesus Christ.

Jesse Thorn: Christ, the—the—?

Jesus Christ: Yeah?

Jesse Thorn: The Son of God does sound somewhat like our producer, Matt, admittedly.

Jesus Christ: What are you talking about? I sound like a completely different guy. It’s me, Christ!

Jordan Morris: You sound like Buffalo Bill from Silence of the Lambs!

(Laughter.)

Jesus Christ: No one’s ever heard Jesus’s voice. This is why he had so many followers.

Jordan Morris: Alright. Well, thank you so much for being here, Christ.

Jesus Christ: Yeah, I’ll just be hanging out.

Jordan Morris: Yeah! So, they can give Christ a call if one of these are too hard. You know, use your lifelines. There’s only five of these. So, Carrie, why don’t we let you go first? Jesse, you want to read these options?

[00:15:00]

(Jesse confirms.)

This guy is about to do a parody of a hip-hop classic. Is it—?!

Jesse Thorn: A) “Christ Rules Everything Around Me”, B) “OPP, Other People’s Praises”, or C) “Baby Got Book”—“book” referring to the Bible.

Jordan Morris: Talk it out.

Carrie Poppy: Talk it out. Okay, okay. (Sighs.) “Baby Got Book” sounds so much like things I heard when I was 15, that I immediately heard that and was like, “It’s that one.” So, let me just pause—yeah, I think it’s that.

(Blaire agrees.)

Jordan Morris: Let’s see the answer.

Music: “Baby Got Book” from the album D.E.B.’S. Kid by Dan Smith.

I like big Bibles, and I cannot lie

You Christian brothers can’t deny

That when a girl walks in with a KJV and a bookmark in Proverbs

You get stoked

Got her name engraved, so you know this girl is saved

(Music fades cuts out.)

Jesse Thorn: Shout out to WhiteBoyDJ.com, by the way.

(Laughter.)

Jordan Morris: Just so y’all know, later in that video, “me so horny” is changed to “me so holy”.

(Laughter.)

And by the way, these are supposed to hurt a little bit. These are supposed to burn a little going down, so. You’re welcome.

Jesse Thorn: These are fun. These guys are fun guys.

Jordan Morris: Blaire, this one’s for you. These guys are about to do a parody of a viral classic. Is it—? “It’s Sunday, Sunday, Gotta get down on Sunday”? “Working Christian Style” said like “Oppa Gangnam Style”, or “Do the Bethlehem Shake”? Talk it out. And remember, you can phone Christ.

Blaire Erskine: I—oh fuck. I think—because they’re kind of dressed like PSY, right guys? Yeah. Okay, we’re gonna go with B. “Working Christian Style”.

Jordan Morris: Let’s see the answer.

Music: “Working Christian Style” by Lance Steeves.

We are disciples of Christ, and we aren’t afraid to show it

We love Jesus Christ, and we want the world to know it

Working Christian style

Christian style, work, work, work

Working Christian style

(Music cuts out.)

Jordan Morris: “Working Christian Style”.

Blaire Erskine: How much money do you have to pay to use these songs?

(Laughter.)

Can you afford—?

Jordan Morris: I think all of these people lost their houses after uploading these. PSY, very litigious. Oh, it’s one to one! You guys know your shit! Jesse, you want to do this next one?

Jesse Thorn: Yeah, this guy, Carrie, is about to do a parody of a country classic. Is it A) “Mamas, Don’t Let Your Babies Grow Up to Be Heathens”, B) “Friends in High Places”, or C) “Old Town Lord”.

(Laughter.)

Carrie Poppy: Oooh. God, I love them all.

Jordan Morris: Remember you can phone Christ.

Carrie Poppy: Oh, that’s right, I can phone Christ. you know, I haven’t heard from him in so long. Yeah, I’ll phone Christ.

Jesus Christ: Yeeeah?

Carrie Poppy: Hi, buddy.

Jesse Thorn: It’s me, Christ.

Jesse Thorn: I don’t know, it sounds to me like Matt.

(Christ sighs.)

Carrie Poppy: I know your big day’s coming around, Easter. How are you feeling about it?

Jesus Christ: Oh, I’m pretty psyched. My dad’s throwing me a party.

(Laughter.)

We’re gonna search for eggs.

Jesse Thorn: So, you do like a bunny rabbit Easter.

Jesus Christ: Yeah, that’s my best friend. That’s why the holiday started the rabbit thing, because everyone knew Jesus’s best friend, Mr. Bunny.

Carrie Poppy: Woah, woah, woah, woah, woah. Wait. Oh, you’re Jesus. Okay, you’re not God; you’re Jesus.

Jesus Christ: Well, it depends who you ask. ]

(Laughter.)

Carrie Poppy: Fair, fair.

Jordan Morris: It does; it depends who you ask.

Carrie Poppy: Well, if you ask me…

Okay, so I have a question for you. Which of these songs did a young person in a cowboy hat soup up to honor you? Is it “Mamas, Don’t Let Your Baby Grow Up to be Heathens”, “Friends in High Places”, or “Old Town Lord”?

Jesus Christ: Ooh. They’re all amazing, amazing songs.

Carrie Poppy: Oh, they’re all real! (Laughs.) Okay.

Jesus Christ: But one of them is this guy. And I believe it’s C), “Old Town Lord”.

Carrie Poppy: Oh, interesting. Okay. I was gonna go—

Jordan Morris: Gonna go with Christ on this one, Carrie? I was gonna go B, but I will always go with the Lord.

Jesus Christ: Trust in the Lord!

(Laughter.)

Carrie Poppy: Yeah, I’ll go C.

Jesse Thorn: Let’s see—

Music: “Old Town Lord”.

I’ve got a God who’s got my back when the enemy’s attacking

God’s always in action, he’s up there in heaven.

When I come up short, I remember who’s my lord

I’ve got my armor on with the bible as my sword.

(Music cuts out.)

Jordan Morris: “Old Town Lord”, everyone.

Jesse Thorn: I just want to give a special shout out to that guy for misspelling “with” in the captions.

(Laughter.)

Jesus Christ: Uh, fun fact—

Jesse Thorn: Yes, what’s that, Jesus?

Jesus Christ: I sent that guy to hell.

[00:20:00]

(Laughter and scattered applause.)

Jordan Morris: You were right to do it. You were right to do it. Blaire, it’s two to one. You can tie it up here. These fresh-faced young people are about to do a parody of a modern pop song. Is it: “All About That Grace”? “Good as Heaven”? Or, “Bringing Praise-y Back”. Talk it out.

Blaire Erskine: Oh, I was like what is that a reference of, but I remembered. Okay, okay—uh! I’m gonna call Christ. Can I call Christ still?!

(Jordan confirms.)

Okay, okay. Ring, ring.

(Beat.)

Jesse Thorn: Christ, are you there?

Jesus Christ: (Distantly, off-mic but getting closer.) Oh, hang on—hey!

(Laughter.)

Blaire Erskine: This is like Left Behind all over again.

Jordan Morris: To be fair—

Jesse Thorn: He’s probably off looking for Ify.

Jordan Morris: Christ also has stage manager duties.

Jesus Christ: Yeah. I’m working double duty over here, guys.

Blaire Erskine: Happens to me all the time.

Jesus Christ: I gotta stage manage, I gotta be Christ. What’s up?

Blaire Erskine: Alright, Christ. There are four people on the screen. I need to know if they’re singing “All About That Grace”, “Good as Heaven”, or “Bringing Praise-y Back”? It’s Praise-y—?

Jesus Christ: “Bringing Praise-y Back”, yeah. It’s like “Bringing Sexy Back”. You remember that one?

(Blaire confirms.)

It’s not that. I don’t—sorry, I’m still trying to get Ify on the fucking phone.

(Laughter.)

Jordan Morris: We hope he’s okay!

Jesus Christ: That guy’s harder to get a hold of than my dad.

Blaire Erskine: (Cackles.) Can I call Carrie’s demon friend?

Jordan Morris: Oh yeah! Matt, can we get a demon on the—I mean, God, can we get a demon on the line?

Jesus Christ: Yeah, sure. You want a demon friend?

(Blaire confirms.)

Demon: (Matt pitching his Christ voice into a falsetto.) Hey, it’s me.

(Laughter.)

Jesse Thorn: Wow, that’s not how I expected demons to sound, Jordan.

Blaire Erskine: No, me neither.

Jordan Morris: They do say “it’s me”, though.

Jesse Thorn: Demons love to identify themselves.

Demon: You had a question?

Blaire Erskine: I’m not gonna repeat the question, demon. I need to know—(laughs).

Demon: I’ll ask Jesus. I’ll ask Jesus. One second.

Jesus Christ: Okay, what she said was it’s either A) “All About That Grace” B) “Good as Heaven”, or C) “Bringing Praise-y Back”.

Jesse Thorn: I just want to emphasize our fondness and regard for people of faith. I used to work at a church. I really loved the job. They were cool with me being an atheist. Jesus seemed like a really cool guy.

Jesus Christ: I am a really cool guy.

(Laughter.)

Jesse Thorn: We should all follow your example.

Jesus Christ: YOU DON’T KNOW WHAT PAIN IS!

Jordan Morris: No! You’re right. That’s true. That’s true.

Jesus Christ: Oh yeah, that’s right. Demon, what do you think?

Demon 2: (In a cockney accent.) Oh, hello, new voice. I’m a different demon!

(Laughter.)

And I think it’s A) “All About that Grace”, yeah.

Blaire Erskine: I’m gonna go with A, to get him off the line. “All About that Grace”.

Jesse Thorn: Let’s find out!

Music: “All About that Grace” by Hope Chapel Youth.

Because you know I’m all about that grace, ‘bout that grace

Can’t earn it

I’m all about that grace, ‘bout that grace

God made it

I’m all about that grace, ‘bout that grace

Holy Spirit

I’m all about that grace, ‘bout that grace

(Music cuts out.)

Blaire Erskine: The neck movement!

Jesse Thorn: I have a question. This is a sincere question.

Jordan Morris: A lot of these rhymed bass with grace, by the way.

Jesse Thorn: So, all three of you come from a youth group culture that I was not party to in my Episcopalian gay priest upbringing. Is it better or worse when they’re good at it? Like, those people were better at it than the other people, but that made me feel more uncomfortable.

Carrie Poppy: Sure. Oh, you mean the performers?

(Jesse confirms.)

Jordan Morris: These are all no-win situations.

Carrie Poppy: Yeah. Um, I wouldn’t say they were good at it.

Blaire Erskine: (Strained.) I want them to be bad at it.

Carrie Poppy: Yeah, I think I want them to be bad at it.

Jordan Morris: Um, guys, amazing, amazing news. This is so dramatic. We have a tie.

Jesse Thorn: Yeah, it’s crazy how it so often ends in a tie. when we forgot to keep score.

Jordan Morris: There’s a tie breaker question! You’ve both used your lifeline, so you cannot phone the Lord.

Jesus Christ: Fuck!

Jordan Morris: You’re just—you’re going on pure know-how at this point. We’re gonna read the questions. After Jesse has read the third question, you’ll say your name to ring in. And if you get it right, you win the game.

Carrie Poppy: My own name?

(Blaire laughs.)

Jordan Morris: Your own name.

Blaire Erskine: And my name is so long.

Jesse Thorn: This guy is about to do a parody of a ’90s hit. Is it A) “Christ, Christ, Save Me”, B) “Prayers, Paradise”, or C) “Smells Like Holy Spirit”?

Blaire Erskine: Blaire.

Jordan Morris: Blaire.

Blaire Erskine: Oh no.

(Carrie giggles.)

Jesse Thorn: Got ahead of yourself, didn’t ya?

Blaire Erskine: I’m so sorry. I’m gonna say A!

Jordan Morris: Let’s see the answer.

Jesse Thorn: This is for the win, folks.

Music: “Christ, Christ, Save Me” by Peter Da Rock.

He died for our sins, yeah, Jesus absolved it

(Christ, Christ, save me)

[00:25:00]

Jordan Morris: (Talking over the music.) She’s right, everybody! It’s “Christ, Christ, Save Me”!

Blaire Erskine: That’s my husband!

Jordan Morris: You’re so luckyyy! Aww. I want that!

Blaire Erskine: You can have it.

Jordan Morris: Blaire Erskine is the champion, everybody!

(Cheers and applause.)

Blaire Erskine: Sorry, Carrie.

Jesse Thorn: Blaire, in honor of your victory, we’ve commissioned a legendary—we’ve commissioned Rodin to make a sculpture of Christ’s best friend. Here’s your championship trophy.

(Laughter.)

Blaire Erskine: Thank you so much. This is haunted.

(Applause.)

Carrie Poppy: So deserved.

Jesse Thorn: Guess what? Carrie, as a consolation prize—uh, since you’re such a whiny fucking baby—we got you one of these.

(Carrie and Blaire laugh.)

Blaire Erskine: I think that’s better!

Jordan Morris: It’s a giant lollipop!

(Applause.)

Jesse Thorn: Let’s hear it for Blaire and Carrie, folks!

(They thank him.)

Ross Blocher: Welcome back, everybody. I hope you enjoyed that segment. Super fun. You can catch the rest of it on Jordan, Jesse, Go! sometime soon. We beat them to the punch on this segment. On their own show they let us post here.

Carrie Poppy: That’s true! (Laughs.) Fuck you guys! Took your audio! We put it on our show!

Ross Blocher: But remember, this is the last day of Maximum Fun Drive, and there’s also bonus days over the weekend. Please, support us. Get us to that 2,000 goal so we can go to Texas and look at the Annand Whitley Streber collection at the Archives of the Impossible!

Carrie Poppy: Yes! And listen to Jordan, Jesse, Go! if you never have before. Go over and subscribe. They’re the best.

Ross Blocher: Yeah. Now you just realized like, “Oh, I should be listening to that show!” (Chuckling.) You’ve got a lot of material to catch up on.

Carrie Poppy: Totally. Do you want to always be laughing, instead of coming here and being like, “Oh, I’m laughing 70% of the time, and then 30% of the time I’m kind of bummed out”?

(They chuckle.)

Well, go over there!

Ross Blocher: Thank you, thank you to everybody—all of you pieces of sap oozing from trees, riding horses to support us at MaximumFun.org/join.

Carrie Poppy: Yes, exactly. Thank you, tree men!

Music: “Oh No, Ross and Carrie! Theme Song” by Brian Keith Dalton. A jaunty, upbeat instrumental.

Transition: Cheerful ukulele chord.

Speaker 1: Maximum Fun.

Speaker 2: A worker-owned network.

Speaker 3: Of artist owned shows.

Speaker 4: Supported—

Speaker 5: —directly—

Speaker 6: —by you!

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