TRANSCRIPT Oh No, Ross and Carrie! Ep. 223: Ross and Carrie Listen to Love: 528 Hertz Edition

Ross and Carrie pay pennies a day for a “Frequency of Love Healing Set,” starring a reiki-infused, monk-blessed tuning fork that vibrates love (which we all know is 528 Hz). Now, they’re ready to woo their partners, who are definitely not deeply annoyed.

Podcast: Oh No, Ross and Carrie!

Episode number: 233

Transcript

music

Oh No, Ross and Carrie! Theme Song” by Brian Keith Dalton. A jaunty, upbeat instrumental.

ross blocher

Hello, and welcome to Oh No, Ross and Carrie! The show where we don’t just report on fringe science, spirituality, and claims of the paranormal, but take part ourselves!

carrie poppy

[Gentle ringing tone plays. Carrie begins speaking very softly.] Yes. When they make the claims, we show up so you don’t have to. I’m Carrie Poppy.

ross

And I’m Ross Blocher.

carrie

[Ringing sounds again.] Today—

ross

What—what are you doing over there?

carrie

I’m feeling very calm, very loving, very centered in a way that is unusual. [Ringing sounds again.]

ross

Carrie is punctuating her statements with a tuning fork.

carrie

Yes.

ross

What appears to be, that she is hitting with a small rubber mallet.

carrie

Yes. It is having a notable effect on me.

ross

Is it?

carrie

Eh, no. [Carrie breaks the calm act, and both start laughing.]

ross

I was gonna say, that would be nice! What have you got there? What is this thing? It’s got words on it. Letters? Numbers?

carrie

It says MI528. Am I 528?

ross

Mission Impossible.

carrie

Yes. So, it is a frequency of love tuning set.

ross

Oooh! Yes, uh, 528 hertz. The frequency of love.

carrie

Yeah, they finally figured out exactly what love sounds like, and it’s this. [Ringing sounds again.] Wild, right?

ross

Woah, I love it!

carrie

Yeah?

ross

That’s great.

carrie

I mean, it is a pretty sound. [Ringing repeats again.] Nothing wrong with it.

ross

For me.

carrie

Yeah. The first time you played it for me, it made me feel nauseous. That’s right.

ross

Weird. That’s so weird. So, the way we found this love frequency healing kit was someone we know, Dave Richards. He had posted this to the CFIIG’s Facebook page, and said, “Sounds like a deal!”

crosstalk

Ross and Carrie: “Sounds like a deal.” [Carrie rings the tuning fork again.]

ross

It was one of these online ads that we all see all the time everywhere, every day, in our apps, on our social media, on websites. These little images, sometimes videos, come up and say, “Oh, you should really buy this thing!”

carrie

Mm-hm!

ross

And the kinds of products that we investigate— [Carrie giggles.] —for our show are very often included, ‘cause that’s a great way to market them.

carrie

We also often hear from listeners who are like, “Aw, Ross and Carrie have infiltrated my web ads, because they’ll talk about—”

ross

“Look, I have a Rhythmia ad.”

carrie

Right, we’ll talk about something, then they look it up, and then of course the internet's like, “Oh, I get what you’re about!”

ross

Oh, you’ve searched for this, you are now gonna be subjected to many, many ads for it. ‘Cause you fall on the keywords and people are paying us to expose this to potential customers.

carrie

But you know what I think? I think that’s great.

ross

Yeah?

carrie

Because then they’re paying for advertising to people who won’t buy the product.

ross

Who have been ostensibly inoculated against—

carrie

Vaccinated.

ross

—against the product.

carrie

So then people who are selling things that maybe aren’t that useful are wasting a little bit of money on advertising.

ross

I like it.

carrie

No prob.

ross

And what is the effect on our listeners who have to see these things? Hopefully they enjoy them.

carrie

Yeah, hopefully a good chuckle.

ross

[Laughing] Indeed. So for this one there was a URL called SoulMalas.com. M-A-L-A. And you looked that up, that’s just—

carrie

Oh, yes. It’s a prayer bead.

ross

A prayer bead. Well, that’s nice. So, you can get one for your soul. And it was called 528 hertz frequency of love healing set.

carrie

And this company mostly sells bracelets that have those, sort of like Buddhist prayer beads? Ostensibly Buddhist. I don’t know if they actually are. So, I think that’s where they got the name for it. Then they said, “You know what, let’s branch out. Let’s also this sound.” [Carrie rings her tuning fork again.]

ross

Among other products. So, I watched this video, and it made all these wild claims about what this sound could do.

carrie

Oh, yeah. Okay.

clip

[Tonal music fades in.] Narrator: Introducing the 528 hertz frequency of love miracle healing set. 528 hertz also stands for miracle, as it was proven to heal and repair the DNA. Dr. Leonard Horowitz encourages all to utilize the healing that 528 hertz can bring. He calls it the frequency of love, stating, “528 cycles per second is literally the core creative frequency of nature. It is love.”

crosstalk

Ross and Carrie: [In unison] Literally.

clip

Narrator: It is also associated with the heart chakra, which brings about qualities such as unconditional love, compassion, and joy. Tune in to your spiritual transformation and divine healing today. [Music fades out.]

ross

[Carrie interjects to agree and express interest several times while Ross is speaking.] Oh, interesting. The logo they show at the end, SoulMalas, has the subtitle, “Premium Mala Necklaces.” So that’s how they got started. I noticed them selling bracelets elsewhere on their site, but yeah. They’ve expanded into the sound frequency healing business. And the video had all these little overlays, and introduced some new characters, like “Who’s Leonard Horowitz?” and showed pictures of a DNA strand and this tuning fork kit being used by people. And against a—

carrie

Like a sky, universe background.

ross

Yeah, another one with like, Chinese characters on it, so. Yeah, very interesting. And I’m sure Dave was posting this on the thread just as a chuckle-inducer, but of course I thought, “Ah, guess I need to buy this.”

carrie

[Laughing] I need to buy this thing!

ross

This is a claim. Carrie and I can test this out and see if this thing sparks love in our lives.

carrie

And was it on a flash sale at the time? Because it is still on a flash sale. [Ross laughs.] I don’t know how fast that flash is.

ross

Yeah. So, when you follow the link, it took me to their website. And this is an express deal. It’s gonna expire. They’ve got a little countdown clock. I had five hours, eighteen minutes, and eighteen seconds to act on this order or it would go away, Carrie.

carrie

Oh, shit! And how much would it—

ross

Time’s a’wasting. What foolish questions do you have? I need to buy this!

carrie

[Laughing] How much was it for the next five hours?

ross

Okay. You don’t just get the tuning fork and the mallet, your basic frequency of love healing kit. You also get a whole set that comes with this. So let me read you a little bit about this, Carrie, and see if it convinces you. ‘Cause you sound a little hesitant.

carrie

Um—

ross

I’m just detecting a frequency.

carrie

I mean, I don’t sound like this. [Fork rings again.]

ross

Exactly. ‘Cause, if I heard that sound—

carrie

[Carrie matches key with the fork’s tone, and speaks in a sing-song.] I guess if I only talked in this tone—

ross

—I would think love, I would think Earth.

carrie

[Still sing-song.] —maybe you’d believe that I’m into this.

ross

So, yes. Here’s the button. In case I don’t feel the need to learn anything, I can just click “express ship me my miracle healing set and two free bonuses! We ship worldwide!” Or, I can read more, where they tell me, “Modern science has begun to recognize…”

carrie

Oh, finally.

ross

That’s one of my favorite phrases. “Begun to recognize what the ancient mystics and wise men have told us for centuries. That everything—”

carrie

Thank you, men.

ross

[Laughs.] Yeah, where are the wise women?

carrie

They’re never around.

ross

We need to listen to them. “That everything is in a constant state of vibration. Everything has an ideal vibration or frequency, where it reaches a state of resonance, which keeps it in balance.”

carrie

How close is that to the truth? I feel like you would understand physics much better than I.

ross

I think it’s fair to say that every molecule and many substances have a resonant frequency.

carrie

‘Cause they’re moving.

ross

[Carrie agrees multiple times while Ross is speaking.] Yeah, they will interact with sound at the right frequency, but often times we’re dealing with substances that are an amalgam of many different other substances, and you’re not gonna get any meaningful sound response. But of course everyone gives the example of, you know, someone hitting the right note and cracking glass. ‘Cause you hit the resonant frequency of that material.

carrie

Okay, yeah. That’s a good example.

ross

So, that’s the most generous interpretation of what they’re saying.

carrie

Okay. This is real. I buy it.

ross

But yeah, they’ll talk about this in reference to like, the brain generating frequencies. And yes, technically there’s electrical activity going on, but it is very slow and very low. It’s very hard to detect. You need super sensitive equipment—

carrie

Like an MRI.

ross

—exactly, to even measure these kinds of things. So people kind of lock on to this language, and then they blow it up as if everything is all projecting— [Carrie make mm-mm sound.] —and we’re all radio towers or something. We’re not. Alright, going back to their ad copy. “The pure, singular tone of 428 hertz creates resonance in our physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual body that allows us to tune in to the wisdom of the universe, divine intelligence, and our soul. It is the—” And the put this in quotes. “—’miracle’ tone of the original sacred solfeggio musical scale.” [Carrie makes a delighted sound.] Another new term, yeah.

carrie

Well, I feel like I’ve heard that, maybe? Well, I’ve heard all those words. Have I heard them together? [Ross chuckles.] Solfeggio musical scale? Is that what you said?

ross

[Carrie periodically affirms while Ross explains.] Yeah, so apparently this is—we’re breaking away from the ad copy again, but—apparently this is a real thing, and there is a real method. Now, I’m stepping way out of my expertise here, but we’re all familiar with musical notes, and those do correspond to frequencies. Maybe we should take another step back and talk about frequency. So, we’re all familiar with waves. Sound comes in waves. Compression of air molecules. So, those compressions happen at a certain amplitude.

carrie

Which is loudness.

ross

Yes. Yeah, amplitude is kind of the intensity of it. And then they come at a certain rate, so you have like, the period between waves. So that’s—maybe it’s one per second, or it’s one every two seconds. That would be the period.

carrie

These are all things that when I sing I’m controlling, and don’t even know I’m controlling.

ross

And so when you talk about frequency, you’re talking about the rate at which that occurs. So that’s period over time. Usually we’re talking about seconds.

carrie

You used the analogy earlier that it’s like miles per hour.

ross

Exactly. It’s one of those thing where you need a ratio of two different measures. So, if you're talking about 528 hertz, you’re talking about, for every second you’re having 528 cycles of that wave.

carrie

Which is crazy to think about. That’s a lot of cycles happening.

ross

That’s a lot. Yeah, and we’re not even talking yet about kilohertz, or megahertz, where we measure some other phenomena. So, uh, yeah. So 528 hertz, that’s definitely within the range of sound.

carrie

It’s also very specific. 528. Not even a round number. That is very, very specific.

ross

[Carrie affirms several times while Ross speaks.] Yeah, we haven’t gotten into the decimal or anything. But yeah, so now to step back into this discussion of solfeggio. I guess there’s some debate within the musical community about where to anchor those notes. Because notes are like any human classification system, it’s us overlaying a human category on top of, you know, the analog world. And as I understand it, and I’m sure we’re gonna get plenty of people who can give us more detailed explanations of this, but modern music and scales tend to fix the A at 440 hertz. And then everything else kind of falls in line with that. But, there have been older systems, and a lot of people who say that like, back in medieval music, they just had a slightly different tuning of all of their notes. And so, if you want to hear something as it would have sounded, you know, as it was sung in a Gregorian chant, you might need to adjust accordingly.

carrie

Okay. So now I’m thinking that maybe it’s kind of like time. Like the clock. You know, we started with sun dials, and we were like, “Okay, when the sun’s here, we’re gonna call that noon.” But it’s not like noon is a specific thing.

ross

Right, and over time we had to say, “Okay, we’ve been calling this a meter, but now we want to define it in terms of a fraction of the Earth’s diameter.” Or, a certain number of oscillations of a wave that we’re gonna measure in a certain amount of time. So this became, for the International Standards Organization, a challenge to kind of define everything in terms of something that was eternal.

carrie

So, here’s what I really like about this is like, okay. We’ve found something that is incredibly hard to define, that is like a specific sound, and we’ve attached it to something, you know, very, very tangible that we can all agree what it is. Love. [Both Ross and Carrie burst out laughing.]

ross

Okay, fair enough. Yeah, I think—I don’t know. It’s either the cart or the horse.

carrie

Making the cart and the horse go along together, one pulling the other, tripping over itself.

ross

I’m guessing at some point someone had a dial, and they were just adjusting it until they found the right one. “Ah, that’s love!”

carrie

I feel good right now.

ross

So, we’ll find out a little bit more about that. But those are the basic ideas that we’re talking about, is that you can kind of readjust a scale. So the solfeggio frequencies are kind of based on one of these alternate moorings of the tone. You know, your A should be at a different frequency, and then you’ll get these other harmonics, these other notes. They may have deeper significances. At least, looking at this one chart I found, it looks like 528 would fall between a C 5 and a C Sharp 5, or a D Flat 5. I don’t know what I’m saying. I don’t, uh, I don’t read music. So hopefully that makes sense to all of you out there. [Carrie hums curiously.] In a traditional scale. But yeah, it’s one of those in between numbers, 528.

carrie

You know, my friend Caroline is sort of a musicologist. I don’t know if she’d call herself that, but she has like a masters in music.

ross

Oh! She would know a lot more about this!

carrie

Yeah, I should ask her. Maybe we’ll follow up with her.

ross

So, then they offer on this ad, they had a button that you could click to listen to the 528 hertz tune, which I did for a very long time.

carrie

Yeah, then why have the tuning fork?

ross

[Carrie says “yeah” and “huh” emphatically as Ross speaks.] Oh, that’s such a good question! [Carrie laughs.] If my computer can generate that sound, as many, many YouTube videos let you do. I have now found this 528 thing, it’s caught on, and there are tons of—like, you can listen to the ten hour video of 528 hertz chime.

carrie

Oh, wow. No thanks.

ross

[Ross chuckles.] Yeah, why do you need this tuning fork?

carrie

Well, I guess if you’re gonna go somewhere that you don’t have wi-fi.

ross

There you go.

carrie

Or batteries or whatever. You’re going on a picnic. You want to bring love with you, but you don’t want to bring your tablet.

ross

You can have a—a very physical— [Carrie chimes the tuning fork twice in succession.] I don’t think it was said outright, but I feel like there is an assumption that somehow this creates a very pure form of it that’s not coming out of your computer speakers. It’s not mixed with other frequencies.

carrie

I’ll admit that has some—gosh, what’s the word? Like, I feel attracted to that theory, even though I can’t explain why. Like why is that actually more natural and pure?

ross

I feel like this is this object’s one duty, is to create this sound.

carrie

Yeah, you know, maybe that’s it!

ross

My computer can create all kinds of things!

carrie

[Laughing, and mocking Ross.] “It’s so fucking powerful! I hate it!”

ross

It can show me pictures of politicians and all kinds of gross things, and this is just—it’s one duty.

carrie

You might be on to something there. Because I associate my computer with like, every good and bad thing I’ve seen on it. Social media. Cambridge Analytica. The destruction of the U.S. political system.

ross

All those things have other frequencies, Carrie. [Both laugh.] So, I’m guessing it’s that kind of idea.

carrie

Man, I am on board!

ross

Alright. Cool. So, well, good thing. There’s another button coming up for you to order this healing set, but first, they tell us that we can do a lot of things.

carrie

So we still haven’t gotten to how much this costs as we’re reading.

ross

No. Nope. So tune in to the wisdom of the universe.

carrie

I will.

ross

You can. Here’s three things that you can do. Heal past life traumas. [Carrie laughs uproariously and says “okay” repeatedly.”] Hear me out. Move past your life traumas, and let go of negative emotions that are holding you back to live a better life.

carrie

Wait, so is that past life-traumas or past-life traumas? [Both start laughing loudly.]

ross

You know what, I think in this context it’s actually traumas that happened in the past in your life.

carrie

Oh, I really did interpret that initially as—

ross

Oh, me too. But I’m glad you said that. How funny. Known as the love frequency, 528 hertz has a deep-rooted relationship with nature, and is present in everything in everything from Chlorophyll—with a capital C—to human DNA.

carrie

Wait, what is, love? The frequency? What’s in DNA and chlorophyll?

ross

Yeah, the love frequency.

carrie

Love. Okay. Got it, got it. Sorry, it’s hard to follow the thread of this.

ross

No, this is good. We need to remember all the things it’s associated with, ‘cause—

carrie

Yeah, chlorophyll.

ross

—it’s gonna be associated with a lot of things.

carrie

Got it. Which is a plant gook.

ross

Sure, but it’s important.

carrie

No, no. I’m just trying to remember in my head what each thing is. Got it.

ross

[Carrie affirms several times while Ross reads.] Okay. Number two. Let go of mental blocks. 528 hertz helps to clear the mental blockages that we store without even knowing. As we know, the sacred Gregorian chants—there they are again—were based on the solfeggio frequencies, which includes 528 hertz.

carrie

Oh! I wonder if that’s even true.

ross

Which includes five hundred—yeah, I think that is true, that it is one of the—

carrie

Gregorian chants...

ross

Carrie’s looking it up. While you do, many who use 528 hertz tuning will find in increase in memory and focus throughout the day. [Carrie responds emphatically as Ross speaks.] And third benefit: flow state, body and mind. In a flow state, your body operates more efficiently and allows you to experience life in a more fulfilling way. The 528 tone activates your imagination, attention, and intuition to operate your highest and best purpose.

carrie

That’s everything I need!

ross

So then you get another purchase button, but if you’re still not convinced, guess what! DNA healing! Modern science is finally catching up.

carrie

Oh, good.

ross

528 hertz has been used by biochemists to repair human DNA. [Carrie shouts ‘what’ and ‘okay’, disbelieving.] We looked into that, and the closest I could find on PubMed was that some scientist at the university of Turan had blasted a hundred decibel [Through laughter] samples of 528 hertz sound at rats for hours.

carrie

Aw. Oh, buddies.

ross

These poor rats. And apparently it reduced the concentration of reactive oxidative species in their brain tissue.

carrie

I see something about reduced anxiety in there maybe?

ross

Yeah, reduced anxiety was supposed to be another benefit of this. And it produced testosterone in the rats brain? Interesting.

carrie

Oh. Wait. That’s a weird thing to want to in—well, I guess, okay. Okay, maybe.

ross

You never know. You never know.

carrie

[Ross responds affirmatively several times while Carrie speaks.] If—so maybe like—I’m not trying to be jokey here, but maybe someone who has like, erectile dysfunction, or something that is a low testosterone problem, theoretically and very generously, you could play this for them, increase their testosterone, and maybe that would increase the love in their life.

ross

Yeah, and I’m guessing this is one of those complicated things where, you know, testosterone depending on where it is and reacting with what and at what time in which part of the body can have different effects.

carrie

And animal studies sometimes translate to human studies, but not always.

ross

But that’s all I was able to find that was even closely related. There are definitely no biochemists using 528 hertz to repair human DNA.

carrie

[Ross responds emphatically as Carrie speaks.] I’m also curious whether they compared that to playing another sound for rats. ‘Cause if you just sort of like, made a stressful environment for them and then their testosterone kicks up, that doesn’t tell me much.

ross

And how many rats?

carrie

Yeah, how many? How many rats you got? [Ross laughs.]

ross

These are all relevant questions. The frequency of 528 hertz appears to influence the water molecules—

carrie

Oh, here we go! This is my favorite stuff.

ross

[Carrie says “mm-hm” emphatically several times.] —that surround the DNA helix, thereby bringing about healing effects on DNA.

carrie

Mm-hm. This is how it works. [Laughing] This is how all of life works, and always has.

ross

Okay, can we take a big detour for a second? [Carrie laughs and agrees.] Okay, this is related, ‘cause this weekend Frozen 2 is coming out, and so I hope you’ve all seen it already. If not, go see Frozen 2.

carrie

I hope Olaf our listeners— [Ross laughs.] —or Elsa you’re gonna be in trouble.

ross

So, uh—

carrie

Anna.

ross

So, I worked on this film, and you can find my credit toward the end. You’ll find me with my production training team, so definitely do. Hope you enjoy it. You want to stick around for the end of the film anyway, because there’s always a stinger scene at the end of our films. So check it out. Anyways, when you do—I’m sure I’m gonna get a ton of messages about this—you haven’t seen Frozen 2 yet?

carrie

I have not. Should I?

ross

Oh, absolutely. I think you’ll enjoy it.

carrie

I loved Frozen.

ross

But, this is a little bit of a spoiler, because it is kind of important to the plot of the film. But there’s a refrain in the film that water has memory. [Carrie responds emphatically several times.] Yeah, so I know I’m gonna hear it all from you, and say, “Wait a second, what is this?”

carrie

Is this a reference to Doctor Emoto’s water investigation?

ross

Why are Disney and Frozen 2 promoting homeopathy and this whole idea that, yeah, water has memory. For the record, it does not in the real world. In this magical world, it does. [Carrie responds affirmatively several times.] So, I want to clarify that this is a fictional world.

carrie

Disney’s spreading dangerous pseudoscience? Hashtag… hashtag something.

ross

[Carrie responds ‘okay’ and ‘uh-huh’ several times while Ross speaks.] I will say, don’t come up with any hashtags. Yeah, also we have kind of like, four-sided structures with water in this film, whereas water only forms six-sided structures, just on a molecular level. So, all snowflakes have six sides. There’s another thing that people are going to kind of lock on. Again, this is a fictional realm.

carrie

This is, in fact, a cartoon.

ross

This is a cartoon. But, there is an internal process by which, as our films are being made, that we get to see often times early cuts of the film, and send in notes. And so I saw this very early on, and wrote a very passionate letter that essentially said, “Hey, this is gonna cause a lot of confusion for people. I understand kind of what’s happening in the story, with water having memory, but this happens to be a phrase that people use to sell a lot of sham products.” And I did write pretty passionately about this, and I know a couple of my friends did as well in the studio. And so I met at one point with the writer of the film, for a different interaction, but she mentioned, you know, “Oh man, some people got really upset about the whole water has memory thing.” And so, as kind of a solve to that, I did add the line where Olaf, when he first introduces the idea, he says something to the effect of—this is not an exact quote—but he says, “Many experts dispute this, but I know it’s true.” Also, there’s a scene when it’s repeated—it’s repeated many times—where you can see Sven, the reindeer, sort of register that this water has passed through me, you should be a little grossed out by that. Which is something I think may have come from my suggestion. I think, I can say at least that my empassioned notes at least resulted in that one little bit of...

carrie

Equivocation?

ross

Equivocation, at least, yeah. So when you see the film—

carrie

I’ll take it.

ross

—just know that Ross had uh, done his level best. But I do not speak for the company. You know, we are a group of people who have very different ideas all across the spectrum of many different regards. So, you know, we all have our collective input, and uh—

carrie

It’s one of those instances where they didn’t have like a moral need to explain it, but they chose to introduce a little bit of doubt so that you don’t take this as literal. I think that’s nice.

ross

[Carrie responds affirmatively several times.] Yeah. It does worry me a little bit in that you’ll have kind of a generation that’s just sort of warm to that idea of water having memory. But, to everyone in your halo, make sure to let them know that this is a fictional thing, and that real world water doesn’t remember.

carrie

Right, and stone men can’t dance, etcetera.

ross

Exactly. Exactly. But, uh, it’s a fun story, and it’s beautiful. What a beautiful, beautiful film. So, okay, going back to our ad here. So, according to doctor Horowitz, all healing occurs from sonic waves from vibrations resonating throughout the universe. He claims that human cells use DNA like radios use antennae, to receive the note vibrations and attune the body’s rhythm to that of the cosmos. See, that’s not true.

carrie

Wait… what?

ross

[Carrie mutters in confusion as Ross continues explaining.] All healing occurs from these vibrations that reverberate throughout the universe, and our DNA is used as like these little antennae that received note vibrations.

carrie

[In an incredulous tone] What?

ross

Yeah, no, that—

carrie

That’s not right.

ross

That’s the correct response.

carrie

Okay, so. If that were true—

ross

Look, it was your choice not to click the buy now button and to keep reading. So this is why you get subjected to this.

carrie

But if that were true, then every concert you went to, you might be exposing yourself to all sorts of like, damaging or healing properties. [Ross responds affirmatively.] I mean, boy, what a chaotic, scary world.

ross

Yeah. Boy, yeah, going to a rave. What can that do to your DNA?

carrie

I mean, I worry about my eardrums at those things, but.

ross

This is great. Here’s the next paragraph. “Experts of different fields, including NASA—” [Carrie laughs uproariously.] This gets even better. “—and math scientists—” [Carrie laughs, and says “oh no” repeatedly.] “—have made extensive experiments of the wonderful effects of the 528 hertz frequency as the, quote, ‘musical mathematical matrix of creation’. It is the, quote, ‘miracle’ note of the original sacred solfeggio musical scale.” Are you convinced, Carrie?

carrie

Sure. I’m sure it’s all true.

ross

But if you buy today, you’ll also get two free bonuses worth over $60 with your purchase.

carrie

Oh, okay.

ross

You also get the 528 hertz vibrational healing soundtrack. Says calming sleep music based on solfeggio frequency of 528 hertz. This one hour soundtrack will help put you into a deep, restful sleep guaranteed.

carrie

Oh, guaranteed? Perfect!

ross

Perfect length to play right before bed time. One hour in length recording. Also, you get the attracting abundance with sound therapy guide for free. [Carrie says “oh my gosh” as Ross continues speaking.] And it will help you understand the foundation of sound therapy and how it effects your body.

carrie

And what’s the value of that free guide?

ross

A full $29.95.

carrie

Woah!

ross

And the healing soundtrack—

carrie

And I’m getting it for free?

ross

Coincidentally, the healing soundtrack is also worth $29.95.

carrie

Holy shit.

ross

Free at no additional cost!

carrie

Sixty bucks worth of stuff? Hypothetically worth $60?

ross

So there’s another big, teal-colored sale button. But just in case you weren’t convinced, offer expires soon! Then you get your little ticker.

carrie

Yeah, in five hours, right?

ross

Indeed. And then it lets you know that the miracle note has all these key benefits. So it talks about how it returns your DNA to its original state, puts you in a flow state. It brings about miracles. The more consistent you are with your practice, the more miracles you will start to attract. Watch your abundance meter—so we’re talking about abundance.

carrie

Means money probably? It means money when we need it to, and not when we don’t.

ross

[Carrie responds affirmatively several times while Ross speaks.] Right. Then DNA reparation, and also a boost to self-confidence and self-esteem by balancing and tuning solar plexus chakra, or energy system, found in the spinal cord. This can do so many things, Carrie. Just this one device. And the customer rating is 4.8 out of 5 stars. I like how they add a little bit of, you know, like ehh, somebody gave it a 4 stars.

carrie

Right, right, right. This is a little more believable.

ross

Comes with 100% satisfaction SoulMalas guarantee, and they’ve got photos of people holding up their kit.

carrie

Were you ever given an opportunity to express your satisfaction or dissatisfaction on their site?

ross

I was not. Yeah. I don’t recall there being a, you know, please rate us, and you and I looked at the emails together. They didn’t solicit such a thing. And they quote Nikola Tesla, as you do.

carrie

You gotta. You gotta!

ross

Apparently this is a real quote, though. “If you want to find the secrets of the universe, think in terms of energy, frequency, and vibration.” [Both respond affirmatively.] Thank you, Tesla. And then they give you a recap of what you’ll get with this offer. They show you a picture of the tuning fork and mallet, and they let you know, this is a total value of $147.

carrie

Holy shit, that’s so much.

ross

Because that little tuning fork that you have in your hand and the mallet is a $99 value.

carrie

Oh, my god. It’s so worth it. It’s certainly not just a light piece of metal.

ross

So, you could get $65 plus two free bonuses, and there’s a 30 day money-back guarantee, a no-brainer return policy. So yeah, there’s all these—

carrie

I can believe that part. But then the last line is, “This is a promotional product and no refunds will be allowed.”

ross

Oh, did it say that?

carrie

Last line of that grey box. [Both start laughing.]

ross

Carrie has noted, “This is a promotional product and no refunds will be allowed.” What?

carrie

But then right under it, “Full 30 day money-back guarantee!”

ross

Okay. That’s mixed messages, big time. Oh my goodness, good spot.

carrie

Thank you, thank you.

ross

I did not see that, ‘cause I was so eager to buy.

carrie

[Laughing] And how much was it?

ross

So, I did, and it was mine today for only $49.99.

carrie

Aw, and only for the next five hours, you say? That’s interesting, because if you pull up SoulMalas.com, it is $49.99!

ross

What? Are you saying they were creating a false sense of urgency?

carrie

Perhaps! Or maybe the flash deal is a really long flash. It’s like when you take a picture at night, but you want to see the stars perfectly, so your flash is like—well, that’s more exposure than flash. It’s not like anything.

ross

[Laughs.] So as I’m filling out the order form, I’m putting in my name and address. They’re giving me the option of ordering multiple kits, but eh, one’s fine. We can share. But—

carrie

We’ve shared grosser things.

ross

[Laughs] Indeed. And we’re about to share even grosser things. That’s a different investigation. So, there’s this additional offer on the order page that says, in bright yellow, “Yes, I want my 528 hertz miracle healing set Reiki and mantra infused!”

carrie

Oh. Shit.

ross

Only $13.

carrie

Oh my god. And who will be infusing it?

ross

$39 value! “When Reiki energy is infused, it magnifies the healing power. It actually charges objects with protective, positive energy, and it increases the effectiveness of the crystal’s natural healing vibrations. Our artisans recite powerful mantras as they hand craft your item.”

carrie

Oh, shit. Okay. 

ross

“Then local monks come in—” [Both start laughing.] “—and add powerful blessings, making your item infused with powerful energies.” So, of course I read this and I think, “Oh, come on. This is just a bold way for them to get—”

carrie

Thirteen extra bucks!

ross

Thirteen extra bucks. But I kinda have to click on it!

carrie

I have to do it. It’s like the Supersize Me principle. [Ross laughs.] I’ve been asked, I will do it.

ross

And so I click that check box. So now I am paying a mere $62.99—

carrie

A fucking steal, Ross! And—

ross

Thank you. You’ve validated my purchase.

carrie

And you chose to share it with me. [Ross responds affirmatively while Carrie rings the tuning fork again.] Well, I did Venmo you for half of it. But still.

ross

There we go. So we’ve each gotten our… 31.49.5 value? So there we go. So I’ve now ordered it, and guess what, as soon as I click the button to finalize my order, it gives me another pop up that says, “Wait! Your order is not yet complete!”

carrie

I thought it was?

ross

“Today only, get this perfect match seven chakra healing crystals bracelet for just seven dollars! It’s a $39.95 value!” [Carrie laughs.] You know, it is a pretty bracelet. But at this point, I’m fatigued  Like, okay. Okay, you got me to click your mantra box. Back off, buddy. So, no. I did not add the bracelet to my order for just seven dollars. But wait!

carrie

Oh, there’s more?

ross

There’s more! After I click on that, they say, “Don’t leave it to chance! Grab the lifetime warranty for only $7!”

carrie

Oh, shit. Okay.

ross

And it covers all of my products against defects, scratches, accidental damage—

carrie

I thought we heard elsewhere that it just had a lifetime warranty.

ross

I don’t even know anymore. But, again, I was insulted at this point. “No, let me buy the frickin’ product!” So there we go. I did it. I bought it, $62.99, and it was coming to me. It did arrive. It came from China directly.

carrie

Oh. That’s interesting, because I think somewhere on their website, they said that the company is based in the U.S. and so everything is shipped to their company, blessed, and sent to you.

ross

Interesting indeed! And the original sale item told me that as they were crafting this, that they would be infusing it with these mantras, and have the monks come in to bless them. So yeah, the question is do the monks show up at the factory, or do they come later to this reseller?

carrie

Yeah, so metal is being poured into a mold. It comes out as this tuning fork. [Makes a whirring noise.] Comes down the assembly line in, you know, packs of thirty or whatever. [Makes whirring sound again, increasing in volume.] Then the monks come in. [Ross laughs and imitates the whirring sound.] They lean over it and give it a blessing.

ross

[Makes repetitive “omomomom” sound.] That’s the blessing sound.

carrie

If you are a monk who’s doing this, way to fucking sell out, sir. [Ross laughs.] Or ma’am.

ross

Okay, so yeah. This arrived in a—just a plastic bag, and inside of it was kind of a velvet black bag that conveniently fits the tuning fork and the mallet. So that’s a real nice feature. You get your little— [Carrie chimes the fork again.] —velvet carrying case that has the drawstrings to keep it closed. So it came straight to me. So, I hope those monks got to it before it shipped.

carrie

Yeah, me too. Well, maybe they’re in China.

ross

So, there you go. That’s how we got it. So what happened after we got this kit?

carrie

Well, I’d love to tell you what happened, but I want to tell you about my best fiend, Claire.

ross

Oh, you’ve got a best fiend?

carrie

Yeah, my best fiend, Claire. She and I have been best fiends since high school. We knew each other in middle school, but it wasn’t until high school that we really like, connected and— [Ross responds affirmatively.] —now she’s been my best fiend for about half my life, which is like really—

ross

Ah, I feel like—

carrie

—extraordinary when you think about it and I—

ross

—normally when you describe her, you describe her as your best friend.

carrie

Oh, that’s what it is. That’s what it is. Why do I have that phrase in my head? What’s a best fiend?

ross

Oh, Best Fiends happens to be a really fun that you can get on your phone.

carrie

Oh, no way! Okay.

ross

Indeed. We’ve run a couple ads for Best Fiends before, and I think the first time we did an ad I had gotten to level 30, and the second time I was somewhere around level 60. Very close to it. So, at this rate, guess where I am now.

carrie

90?

ross

I am on level 629.

carrie

[Through laughter] Oh my god, okay!

ross

Yeah, I’ve gotten a little hooked. So this has become—you know, I’ve actually quit a couple other games.

carrie

Oh, wow!

ross

[Carrie responds affirmatively multiple times as Ross speaks.] ‘Cause I only have so much time in my life to play phone games, which I do enjoy. But it’s a good like, chill time activity. I can do it while I listen to an audiobook, or if I’m watching like an episode of The Office or something where I don’t have to—I’ve seen it, years ago. I don’t need to be paying perfect attention to it. My son and I are almost done with The Office, because it’s coming off of Netflix at the end of December.

carrie

Ah, gotcha. So you’re in that sort of bad period of The Office.

ross

We’re halfway through season 8. Yeah, no more Michael Scott. I dunno, we’re still enjoying it. But yeah, check this out Carrie. So, every one of these dots—I’m showing Carrie this landscape and I’m moving along this trail that works its way up the screen.

carrie

That’s cool, the way it scrolls.

ross

Yeah, as you kind of click and drag you’re working your way over this—certainly not a flat Earth. [Carrie says “no” and laughs.] But it’s this like infinitely scrolling round Earth. So you’re always working your way over the crest of this hill. And so, Carrie can see this series of environments that I have slowly worked my way through. Little mushroom valley. Towering tree tops. Look at all this ground I’ve covered, Carrie.

carrie

Wow. Yeah. Oh, so you’ve been through all this.

ross

[Carrie says a drawn-out “woah” over Ross speaking.] Yeah, every single one of those dots, the ominous ocean, every single one of those dots is a level I’ve solved.

carrie

Oh, that’s your breadcrumbs. Okay. I see.

ross

Yeah, and it’s puzzle-solving, so it kind of give you a mission for each level. You’ve got to—

carrie

That could be fun.

ross

You’ve got to either defeat slugs, or you’ve got to clear off these green squares, or you’ve got to clear a certain number of flowers or mushrooms. Anyways, it is super fun. I’ve gotten into it now, and that’s why I’m so far in the game. If you can get to level 629, consider me very impressed.

carrie

Okay. You’re obsessed in a good way, though?

ross

Yeah. Yeah, good obsession.

carrie

Well, it sounds like if you’re looking for a fun way to pass tiem time while engaging your brain, and you enjoy breathtaking visuals and a gripping story, your answer might be get a best friend like Claire. [Ross laughs.] No, wait. Download—

ross

You want to download Best Fiends.

carrie

Best Fiends. Just like many, many other people. There have actually been a hundred million downloads of this game.

ross

Oh, wow. It’s a casual puzzle game. Anyone can play. But it is made for adults. There’s nothing like, adult themed, it’s just, you know, it’s a game for adults.

carrie

Mm-hm. And Best Fiends updates the game monthly with new levels and events, so it never gets old.

ross

Oh, it’s true. There’s these little side quests as well, and it doesn’t require internet to play, which is a really nice feature. There’s plenty of games that do, and you’re like, “Ugh, I can’t play this now.” So when you’re at the bottom of the parking basement, you can be playing Best Fiends.

carrie

Or you’re on an airplane, and they’ve made you turn your phone to airplane mode and you’re just being prosocial and you do it. Engage your brain with fun puzzles and collect tons of cute characters. With over a hundred million downloads, this five-star rated mobile puzzle game is a must play.

ross

Download Best Fiends free on the Apple App Store or Google Play.

carrie

That’s best ‘friends’, without the ‘r’. Best Fiends.

ross

[Dracula voice.] Very good.

carrie

[Also Dracula voice.] Very, very good. You know what else is good? We’re saying that in Ella’s voice. [Ross laughs.] Ella—

ross

Ella’s sitting right between us sleeping.

carrie

When she speaks through someone else, [Resumes Dracula voice] this is the voice she uses, and she says—

ross

[Dracula voice.] Eh, very good.

carrie

She says [Dracula voice.] very good.

ross

[Dracula voice.] Very good.

carrie

Anyway, you know what else is [Dracula voice.] very good, is Quip.

ross

Quip is my favorite toothbrush.

carrie

Yeah?

ross

Well, I haven’t used my analog toothbrush, and I’m just waiting now for some cleaning opportunity that requires me to scrub with a toothbrush. I don’t want to just throw my toothbrush away. Actually, we have oral care product recycling at work. [Carrie responds affirmatively.] So uh, when I am done with that old toothbrush that I haven’t used in months, I’ll just pop it in there. Anyways, yeah. I love my Quip toothbrush, and that battery lasts forever.

carrie

It really does. It just takes what, a double-A, a triple-A? I can’t remember.

ross

Triple-A.

carrie

That’s how long ago I put it in there. I don’t remember.

ross

Yeah, I’ve switched it out once and I’ve had this toothbrush for a long time. And about the brush itself, it has sensitive vibrations. Now, we’re not talking about like, love healing vibrations. These are actually—it does vibrate in the traditional sense, right, because that’s how you brush teeth. And it has a built in timer that gives you kind of two minutes to burhs, and it reminds you every 30 seconds to keep moving, and that’s the dentist recommended length. Quip also automatically delivers brush heads to you every three months, so you can have clean, new bristles right on schedule.

carrie

And the sleek, intuitive design is simple to use and comes with a travel pack that doubles as a mirror mount.

ross

Oh, yeah. I use that. Quip starts at just $25, and you’ll get your first refill free at GetQuip.com/ohno.

carrie

This is a simple way to support our show, and to start brushing better, but you have to go to GetQuip.com/ohno to get your first refill free.

ross

Go right now to GetQuip.com/ohno.

carrie

[Quietly.] Go nooow!

ross

Okay, so let’s find out what happened. So, I got my love healing kit, and of course, what do you do? You immediately take it to your wife, hit it in front of her, and you point it at her and you say, “How are you feeling?”

carrie

[Laughing] And what did Kara Blocher say?

ross

She said, “That’s really irritating, stop it. Stop it, I don’t—” And it wasn’t just the fact that I was pointing this thing, the barrel, at her. She just found the sound irritating.

carrie

Did she know what it was supposed to be?

ross

No.

carrie

Okay, good. Good blinding. Single blinding.

ross

Yup, wanted to make sure—she had seen this package come in, but it wasn’t labeled in any way, so she didn’t know.

carrie

“This is love.”

ross

And so I proceeded to hit it more. “Are you sure? You still feeling that way?”

carrie

[Laughing] “Is this still irritating you?”

ross

She’s like—

carrie

[Carrie rings the fork again.] “Do you still hate this?”

ross

[Laughs.] Yeah, she did not like it. She said, “Oh, that’s an awful sound. Take it away.” [Carrie responds affirmatively several times.] So I went and I played it for Andrew, and he said, “Ah, that’s very calming!” So he liked it! And I’ll say, I liked it. I thought it was a pleasant sound. I took it to brunch shortly thereafter with our friends, Chris and Jackie, and Chris—the thing I would say when I would play it for someone is, “Tell me any feelings or emotions you have when you hear this tone.” And I would bang on it and point it toward them. And Chris said, “Ah, yeah. Peaceful. I like it.” So far, we have calming from Andrew, calming from me, peaceful from Chris. Then I pointed it at Jackie, and she said, “Ugh, stop it!” She did not like it.

carrie

No thanks.

ross

So then I, of course, took it to work.

carrie

So, question. So the first few people you talked to at brunch, did they see the others react as you were doing it, before they themselves reacted?

ross

Oh, yeah. Chris and Jackie were there. I did not pull them aside to isolate them, but Kara and Andrew were in separate rooms when I did that to them.

carrie

Got it. I just note this because it’s an important thing to keep in mind when you’re looking at studies, is like we also are all very affected by what everyone else in the room thinks.

ross

Oh, they all feel that that was calming? Okay.

carrie

I agree.

ross

I guess it’s calming, yeah. Whereas, in isolation you’d get a very different reaction. Good point, good point. So I took it to work, and I started the spreadsheet, like you do. And so I played it for my office mate, Chris. He said, “Ah, that’s calming. I like it. You could do that all day.”

carrie

Aww! And you did.

ross

[Laughs.] Exactly. It wasn’t a very productive day at work, but— [Carrie starts laughing, and responds affirmatively several times as Ross speaks.] —you know, I made Chris more productive, so win-win. Then my co-worker came by. She’s my next-door neighbor. So I played it for her and she said, “Okay, okay. It was pleasant at first but just two seconds later I was like, ugh, it feels like I have tinnitus or something.” So, she did not like it, on the whole. So I was starting to form a theory. I thought, maybe women don’t like this. ‘Cause so far, all the women have been like, “egh”, and all the guys have been like, “yeah”. Maybe it produces testosterone in the brain. I don’t know. [Both laugh.]

ross

So then I played it for Jessica, another member of our team, and she said, “Oh that’s pleasant! Yeah, I like it!” Then I told her about my theory that she just botched, and she said, “Well, you know what. I think I was meant to be a boy.” So she starts telling this whole story about how, you know, she likes a lot of things that boys like, so she’s trying to help me maintain my theory here. But then Leslie walked by and she said, “Uh, okay.” She had to think about it for a while. She’s like, “Yeah, okay, it’s nice. I feel like I hear two sounds.” She felt like she felt a higher sound and a lower sound both playing at the same time. But it wasn’t negative, so, uh oh. Okay, this theory’s falling apart. This is why sample size is very important. Because you could start with a theory that seemed kind of legit—

carrie

Just to be clear, we’re not claiming this is an actual scientific study. You’re just climbing closer and closer to the line where a scientific study starts.

ross

[Carrie responds affirmatively several times while Ross speaks.] Yeah, picture a guy oddly grinning as he plays a sound in your face. This is not very scientific. So then Jennifer, a good friend, she said that it felt like a call to attention, but not in an irritating way. It was just like, someone was saying like, “Oh, pay attention now. Ping.”

carrie

Interesting, because that, I think, was in the copy you read us.

ross

Oh, yeah. That it focuses. Okay. And she’s a yoga teacher, so uh, maybe she’s used to similar sounds.

carrie

But it’d be interesting to play her a different chime, like of a different tone, and be like, “Does this also make you feel call to attention?” Someone just banging something like it’s a conch shell. [Carrie rings the fork again.]

ross

[Carrie responds affirmatively several times while Ross speaks.] Yeah, fair. But she said, “If I just heard that sound and didn’t know where it came from, I would picture small cymbals that had been rung.” But she liked it. Then I played it for Tyler, and he said that it was calm and it reminded him of being a young school kid, and, independently said this, being called to attention. Then my boss, Tracy. I played it for her, and she said she found it peaceful. So yeah, seemed like after this most people just like, eh, thought it was benign and nice.

carrie

Okay. Then you brought it to me and what did I say?

ross

You liked it.

carrie

I said it made me feel nauseous.

ross

Oh! [Both start laughing.] That’s right! The first time I played it for you.

carrie

Yeah, so I’ve actually noticed recently. I didn’t kind of put this in my bag of migraine triggers.

ross

I’m adding you to my spreadsheet. Yes, continue.

carrie

Oh, okay. A lot of different things can send me over the edge if I’m like, close to a headache. And I think one is loud, sudden sounds.

ross

That makes sense. I mean, if I had a headache mounting or already had one, I would be like, “Please, don’t play this tone.”

carrie

Right. And a lot of times my headaches either come with nausea or even the nausea will come first. So I think there was something there, especially because the fires were going on.

ross

But you’ve been playing it a lot since then.

carrie

Yeah! Now I’d say—I mean, I don’t have a headache to begin with—it’s pleasant. [Carrie rings the fork again.] Very nice sound.

ross

Very nice sound. When I was filling out the original form, there were a number videos and the audio clip that they had on the website. So, at one point I just played it and left it going for 20 minutes in the background as I did things. Yeah, it was fine. I did find later, I think I was trying to compose an email. There’s something when I’m trying to write, it’s using enough of my language center that I need focus, and so I turned it off then. It was actually pulling focus for me then. I didn’t want to be called to attention to the sound.

carrie

Got it. So maybe it can trigger attention, but then you want to take the catalyst away. Well, so then you passed it off to me. A worthy recipient, not only because of my grace, my beauty, my brains, but also because I’m engaged, and I gotta keep the love flowing! You know what I mean? [Carrie chimes the fork again.]

ross

Oh, yeah. You need a frequency of love. Yeah, didn’t work with my wife. She did not immediately want to get close to me, or express love in any other sense when I played that tone.

carrie

When you randomly hit a piece of metal in front of her and stared at her like she’s a science experiment.

ross

She’s like, “What are you doing now?”

carrie

Well, my fiancé Drew was here in my apartment, laying on my bed, when I remembered, “Oh, right, I have that love thing.” So I went and I got it, and I— [Carrie rings the fork again, and imitates the tone at the same time.] —brought it over and waved it over him.

ross

Here, I’ll keep hitting it. It’s my turn now, you’re telling stories.

carrie

That’ll help people stay paying attention. [Ross rings the fork again.] So, I waved—

ross

Carrie’s talking. [Ross rings the fork again.]

carrie

—waved that over him and kept hitting it ever, I don’t know, few seconds.

ross

Without any explanation?

carrie

Without any explanation.

ross

Poor Drew. [Both laugh.] Our significant others—

carrie

Drew and Kara—

ross

—are just used to this.

carrie

—will eventually leave us for one another.

ross

Because they’ll be the only people that understand each other’s suffering.

carrie

Right, it’ll be like people who have left Scientology and they’re like, “I couldn’t marry anyone that didn’t understand what I’ve been through.” Okay, anyway. So I was doing that and looking at him with wide eyes. “Well? Well?” [Both start laughing.] To his credit, he closed his eyes and let it wash over him and I said, “What does it feel like?” And he said, “It feels fine.”

ross

Drew is nothing if not a good sport.

carrie

Oh, for sure. For sure. So yeah, he felt fine. And then I said, “Does it bring up any feelings in you?” And he said, “Yes, it did. It feels fine.”

ross

[Both are laughing, and Carrie responds affirmatively while Ross speaks.] The feeling of fine. That’s harder to sell. 528 hertz “fine”—in quotes—frequency.

carrie

Honestly, more useful though. Like, bring that to the hospital. Bring that to a disaster site.

ross

Yeah, where things are not fine.

carrie

Things aren’t fine, and it’ll be more obvious to make things fine than to make fine things lovely.

ross

I feel like I need to keep this kit with my Tibetan singing bowl.

carrie

It’s a similar sound, for sure. So, I had this great idea that I was going to take it to the DMV and bang it all over town and see if people got in a better mood.

ross

Oh, yeah. That would help at the DMV.

carrie

Yeah, but some personal life emergencies got in the way, unfortunately.

ross

Okay, so we didn’t get to run that experiment.

carrie

Didn’t get to do that one. But what I did do is, I knew that our chime had been blessed by monks and infused with Reiki, so I was thinking, why is this not working on my fiancé? Why isn’t this making him—

ross

Why isn’t he humping my leg?

carrie

[Through laughter] Right! Right, or at least saying, “I suddenly love you more.” So, I wrote to customer support. So they have a contact form on their website. And I said, “Hi there. My friend Ross ordered the frequency of love chime set for me and my fiancé, and paid extra for the Reiki blessing from the monks. I think we may have accidentally received the unblessed version, ‘cause it’s not doing very much. How can I tell if it’s not been blessed? Do you have two separate stocks for blessed and unblessed chimes? Can you check to make sure Ross Blocher was shipped the blessed kind? Thanks.”

ross

Oh, you threw me out there. My whole name.

carrie

Was your whole name on the order form?

ross

Yeah.

carrie

Okay. I just figured they might look me up and be like, we didn’t send you...

ross

Oh, I see. Okay. They’ll just know that, yeah. I’m associated with this troublemaker.

carrie

This weirdo. This weirdo who is like, “No one’s humping me.” [Ross laughs.] So she responded, “Hi Carrie. Thank you for your email. We are glad that you already received your 528 hertz frequency of love miracle healing set, and this has been Reiki infused by the monks. On the link here, you have the option to purchase the tuning forks with or without the Reiki infusion. Also, please download the digital products below that come with the frequency of love healing set.” Oh! Those are the things that you wanted, Ross.

ross

Wait! She gave you links to them? Please forward them to me.

carrie

Okay, I will.

ross

[Carrie responds affirmatively as Ross speaks.] ‘Cause I just wrote them an email saying, “Hey, you know what, I never actually got those two bonuses that were incentivizing me to buy this. I didn’t get my soundtrack, I didn’t get my guide.” And I don’t know at which frequency they check their emails, but I haven’t heard back yet. [Carrie laughs.]

carrie

So she went on, “Should you need further assistance, please don’t hesitate to email us back anytime. Have a great day! Kindest, Lorna.” And I still had questions. I wrote back and said, “Hi there! We ordered the one that had been infused with Reiki, but how can I tell if you accidentally sent one that hasn’t been blessed?” And she wrote back, “Hi Carrie. Thanks for getting back to me. All of our products that need to be Reiki infused are placed in a separate room so they don’t mix with the other products. I hope this helps answer your query and concern. Get back to me.”

ross

It’s like when you get a separate grill for Vegan products.

carrie

Totally. Yeah, I love this. They’re having the monks come over and they’re like, “Bless this room. Do not bless that room. Absolutely not. We want to make sure. People have to pay thirteen extra dollars.”

ross

Well, you know, I would hope they actually do that, if you’re paying for it. At least that they go through the motions.

carrie

And make it fair.

ross

I appreciate that. I appreciate the motions.

carrie

Then she says—

ross

I still doubt that this actually happened.

carrie

I as well.

ross

I think the proof is not that you can tell the difference between the products, but that you have to trust her.

carrie

Mm-hm. And she says, “Please do get back to us if you require any further information.” [Ross laughs uproariously.] Do you predict whether I did?

ross

[Through laughter, strained.] I think Carrie requires further information.

carrie

I needed more information! Okay, so I wrote back. [Ross chimes the fork again.] “Hi Lorna. Thanks for replying. I am pretty sure I was actually sent the non-blessed chime. It’s not working right. Can you walk me through the blessing process? Do the monks come to your storefront and bless the one room and not the other, or do the monks bless them at their monastery and then send to you? I might have to send mine back, since it doesn’t appear to work.”

ross

I’m eager to hear the answer to this question.

carrie

“What are the return instructions?” So I sent that on Friday, November 22nd. Didn’t hear back. So, the next day I sent one. “Lorna, can you help? I’m pretty sure my frequency set is broken. Nothing is happening. What religion are the monks? Maybe it doesn’t work if you’re a different religion from the monks who blessed it?” [Ross responds affirmatively while Carrie continues speaking.] Didn’t get a response. So, ten minutes later I followed up. I said, “Okay, I think I figured out the problem. We used a frequency detecting app to check the frequency of the tuning fork.” Which you and I had just done. We’re now—this is an hour ago that this happened. And I said, “Unfortunately, it appears the frequency is actually 530 hertz. Not 528. Could this be why it’s not working? I tried it on my fiancé several times. I know the product has a lifetime warranty, so since mine is defective—wrong tone—should I send it back? What’s your address? Thanks.” I haven’t gotten a response. [Both start laughing.]

ross

I love that you’re willing to be that person. I think there’s something that holds me back from going there, but it’s always amusing to watch you do it.

carrie

Thank you. Thank you. Yeah, so then I also looked up Lorna SoulMalas to see, is this a one person operation? Is Lorna SoulMalas?

ross

Well, I did get emails from Evan.

carrie

Right. Evan Hennessy. Well, I looked up this Lorna, and Heavens to Betsy, a couple reviews of the product from a Lorna— [Ross gasps.] —which is an unusual name.

ross

Yeah. That’s—hmm. Okay. Interesting.

carrie

But I didn’t find—it doesn’t appear that this business is registered in California.

ross

Yeah, Carrie looked for SoulMalas’ LLC, but not too surprising.

carrie

Not too surprising, and not uh, not to pick on them for—

ross

A huge red flag, yeah.

carrie

Right. But yeah, couldn’t dig further than that.

ross

So we should also say, we looked up this fella that they kept referencing, Leonard Horowitz.

carrie

Oh! Yes! Leonard! My new thought leader!

ross

So, he is— [Breaks off, laughing.] Thought leader. Always makes me giggle. So he is a, uhhh… crank. [Carrie laughs.] Who has been promoting the sound therapy healing modalities and has specifically called out on these solfeggio frequencies, he’s called out certain numbers that are very important, and this one happens to be one that symbolizes the Earth, but also the heart chakra, and also a lot of other—miracle. He’s tied a lot of ideas to this. But this 528 hertz thing has really caught on, and it’s all thanks to him. And so you can find it all over the place. If you search for this, you’ll find a bunch of articles and products and videos, and he really is the start of it. But he’s got some other interesting ideas.

carrie

Uh, yes. So, if you try to search Google Scholar for 528 hertz love frequency, you may come up with an article called Electrodynamics and 528 Frequency Resonance in Water Science Helps Solve The Mystery in Homeopathy by Leonard G. Horowitz.

ross

Oh. Okay. And yeah, apparently he’s using a lot of numerology to come at these numbers, and also like, arcane texts. Like, I read in a few articles they mentioned the chapter of the Bible, number seven, and they would quote. There were numbers in there, but I couldn’t figure out how they got to 528 from the numbers that were quoted in number seven. So I’m not sure, but apparently—

carrie

It was—wait, so chapter number seven of which book?

ross

Of the book Numbers. [Carrie says “oh, gotcha” and laughs.] Yeah, sorry. Right. There is a book called Numbers. It’s a really hard one to read if you’re trying to get through the Bible.

carrie

After Leviticus.

ross

Yeah, you got it.

carrie

But before Deuteronomy.

ross

Yeah, Numbers I remember was a real slog when I was reading the Bible.

carrie

Oh, yeah yeah. But that’s what it was for. [Carrie says “mm-hm” several times as Ross speaks.]

ross

Yeah, so there’s some bibliomancy here, there’s some numerology going on, and he also has thoughts on medical science and kind of the government’s involvement. So, related to what we’re talking about, he will say that the modern tones that were kind of standardized, I think in 1936 or thereabouts, by the international standards organization—what we were talking about earlier with the 440 hertz being ‘A’—he says that was instituted by the Nazis.

carrie

Oh, no. Well, I don’t like them.

ross

Yes, poisoning the well there. But that is, in fact, not true. But also he has some thoughts about, say, uh, vaccines.

carrie

Oh yeah, they’re bad.

ross

And HIV.

carrie

They’re bad. HIV is a fake thing. Here’s an interesting thing, sometimes we’ll have to do an episode about HIV denialism. But there are two schools of thought about HIV that even though the proponents seem to agree, their theories very strongly disagree. [Ross responds affirmatively.] So one version seems to be, the government created HIV as a, you know, a culling technique. And then the other is, HIV isn’t real and people who think they have it just are developing those symptoms because you have convinced them that they have it.

ross

Which one is it?

carrie

Yeah, those are really different.

ross

Yeah, he’s kind of of the mind that the government engineered HIV and also all of these vaccines to reduce the population, to kill off people. Ebola as well, is one of his pets.

carrie

Yeah, what a scary world to live in.

ross

This article on RationalWiki—oh, wow. He was also on Al Jazeera claiming that the H1-N1 vaccine would cause sterility.

carrie

Oh, no! Gosh.

ross

Oh, and I love this. Okay, he founded the Healthy World Organization, HWO—

carrie

Oh, not to be confused with the World Health Organization, WHO.

ross

Definitely not to be confused.

carrie

Please don’t confuse them. [Ross responds affirmatively several times while Carrie speaks.] So, I was reading over his article that came up on my Google Scholar search. It was published in Homeopathic Links in 2019, the year of our Lord. And it’s not a study, it’s an article. A paper he wrote drawing together what he believes is the evidence for 528 being a frequency of love. But he just tosses off assumptions as if, “We all agree about this, right?” and moves on, and some of them are things like the oxygenating energy of 528 hertz is a greenish-yellow light. [Ross says “oh, okay” in a confused tone.] He asserts that as like a given. Like, “We all know this. So therefore…”

ross

[Through sighing] Okay. There are frequencies for light, but that’s on a totally different scale. [Carrie responds affirmatively.] So that, you know, they’re measured in usually nanometers.

carrie

Oh, okay. Okay, okay. Oh, okay, you know what? He does mention the nanometers, and then translate it to hertz. Okay.

ross

Okay. If you arbitrarily line up very different things, yup, I mean the visible spectrum is somewhere like 400-700, somewhere in that range, on that scale. Okay.

carrie

But then, why is it greenish-yellow light? What does that have to do with love? What? Why?

ross

I mean—

carrie

This doesn’t help me understand in any way.

ross

—it’s a real nice color.

carrie

I mean, kind of. It’s kind of a vomit color. Greenish-yellow? Anyway, it’s a wonderful paper to read. Everyone should go read if you just want to see someone who is talented at taking a bunch of nonsense and blinding you with science around it.

ross

Spinning a synthesis from a lot of things that don’t really go together.

carrie

Yeah. And he explains why the frequency of love proves that homeopathy is real and that water has memory.

ross

Again, it does not. [Carrie laughs.] Only in fictional worlds.

carrie

“I saw Frozen 2, and I believe—”

ross

Fictional worlds with wonderful stories and beautiful visuals that you should definitely watch. Great, catchy songs. But that’s unrelated. Also on this RationalWiki article, it talks a bit about some of his 528 numerology. So, apparently, 5+2+8 equals 15. Well, that’s true. And 1+5 equals 6. And 6 is sacred. I don’t know, aren’t a lot of numbers sacred? 7 is sacred. Maybe even more than 6.

carrie

Yeah, why did he get so close to 7 and not get to 7? Also why did we even start with 5+2?

ross

And also a mile is 5,280 feet. That has 528 in it. Woah.

carrie

Okay. Oh my gosh, this standard that most of the world doesn’t use has 528 in it.

ross

528 terahertz is green, the color of grass.

carrie

[Shouting] Woah!

ross

The movie Inception involves—

carrie

[Laughing] Oh no!

ross

—room 528. It goes on.

carrie

Oh, my god.

ross

Yeah, so there you go.

carrie

If you assign numbers to one thing, someone else might assign numbers to another thing. Isn’t that amazing?

ross

Yeah, numbers do get used multiple times for different applications.

carrie

[Laughing.] The lesson here is you can make lists.

ross

Poor guy, his brain is doing all kinds of weird things.

carrie

[Ross responds affirmatively several times while Carrie speaks.] Yeah, that—some of my most interesting characters in my mind are the people who clearly have like, sort of a brilliance in the connective tissue of their brain. They’re able to pull all these thoughts together, synthesize them, give a totally new way of looking at it. That is a talent. But if you don’t also have the sort of educational—

ross

Framework?

carrie

—framework to organize and direct that brilliance, you end up with this.

ross

[Carrie responds affirmatively several times while Ross speaks.] Yeah, that’s interesting. Because I do see intelligence as being, you know, the ability to find pattern and understand recurrences within the world, make connections, and draw analogies, were apt and retained this and then have that mastery of it. And yeah, it can kind of express itself in this very different way. I find, kind of a lot of the things we talk about being very similar to the scientific pursuit, where you’re just trying to make sense of the world, and you’re trying to find connections and thing that explain other things. And I think the end result is usually exerting some kind of control over nature. Or, not nature. Over like, “I just wrestled this wallaby to the ground.”

carrie

But maybe.

ross

But also, you know, it’s like kind of making things work for us. And we’ve done with that with engineering, making planes fly, that’s all crazy! Computers and miniaturization, all of that is out of that effort to understand the world, and I think we see this parallel process where it just goes off the rails.

carrie

When you accept science, also you’re acting humble. You’re saying all the knowledge that came before me is worth me understanding and putting in the well so that when I draw from the well, it’s more accurate.

ross

Yeah, and I think science is that important piece where you say, okay, this seems right to me, but I’m going to subject it to processes that could show it to be wrong.

carrie

Which is a humble attitude.

ross

Yeah, and I’m gonna be okay if it turns out I’m wrong.

carrie

Right. Yeah! We like it!

ross

Go science!

carrie

Thumbs up.

ross

So, what would you give this on a pseudoscience scale?

carrie

Nine.

ross

Okay, yeah. You know, I’m gonna give it a full ten.

carrie

Wow! Alright.

ross

Yup. I think it’s got all the trappings.

carrie

Yeah, that’s fair.

ross

And what would you give this on a danger rating? One, not very dangerous.

carrie

Hmm. One.

ross

Yeah, this is not very dangerous. Playing this thing at people, they may find it oddly irritating. They may find it peaceful. I’m with you.

carrie

But with our disclaimer that you can’t use this in place of anything that works.

ross

Yup. Creepiness scale?

carrie

Creepiness scale? Gosh, it does register a little bit for me. I’m not even sure why, but I’m gonna give it a three.

ross

Okay. Uh, I’ll undercut you there, but I can see a little bit of that, which is the imagery of all these things around you being antennas in your DNA, etcetera. So, I’ll say two. Pocket drainer.

carrie

Pocket drainer— [Breaks off, laughing.] I mean, it’s not that bad, but it is absurd. I’m gonna give it a four.

ross

Mmkay. I’m gonna kind of hone in on the SoulMalas company and how they had all these desperate check boxes and upsells and, you know, “It’s actually this!” No, it’s not worth a hundred dollars. This is not worth a hundred dollars! [Ross chimes the fork again.]

carrie

“We could hypothetically sell this for more, or try to.”

ross

[Ross chimes the fork again.] There’s no way this is worth a hundred dollars. So, uh, there was a lot of that, and a lot of additional add-ons and stuff. So yeah, I’m gonna give this an eight on the pocket drainer. No hot drinks.

carrie

Yeah. I wish.

ross

So, that’s it for this investigation, and we wish you all, you know, 528 hertz or whatever tone you find most comfortable.

carrie

And if you like 530, maybe order this thing, because that’s what it really is.

ross

And you know what, it’s just the same if you play it off of your computer.

carrie

Mm-hm. Our theme music is by Brian Keith Dalton.

ross

Our administrative manager is Ian Kramer.

carrie

And you can support this and all our investigations by going to MaximumFun.org/donate.

ross

Yes! Please do, and thank you so much to all of you who make this podcast possible.

carrie

Yeah, and thank you to everyone who funded our airplane banner, which you can see on our YouTube or our Facebook.

ross

This past week, that’s right. We did have our banner go up over the Flat Earth Conference in Frisco, Texas. People saw it, including Mark Sargeant, who was there, and it just so happened that there were other plane banners promoting flat Earth. One was promoting an app that Mark was working on, and the other was just telling people to “Google flat Earth clues.”

carrie

This is the second time I’ve been involved in a—

crosstalk

Carrie: —plane banner duel. Ross: Plane banner battle? Carrie: Yeah, totally.

ross

Yeah, unfortunately the planes did not break out into some kind of aerial battle.

carrie

Raise your pistol and shoot for the sky!

ross

[Laughing] So uh, yeah. Thanks to all of you donors who helped get us there so we could do this very funny prank. And it seemed to go over well. I haven’t gotten any angry responses. Have you?

carrie

Nope!

ross

Okay. Peace, love, and plane banners. And remember! [The fork chimes very clearly and loudly, uninterrupted for several seconds.]

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About the show

Welcome to Oh No, Ross and Carrie!, the show where we don’t just report on fringe science, spirituality, and claims of the paranormal, but take part ourselves. Follow us as we join religions, undergo alternative treatments, seek out the paranormal, and always find the humor in life’s biggest mysteries. We show up – so you don’t have to. Every week we share a new investigation, interview, or update.

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