TRANSCRIPT Ep. 310: Bloodshot

Transcript

dan mccoy
									
On this episode, we discuss: Bloodshot!
stuart wellington
									
A phrase that is never mentioned during the movie! That’s—is that true? I can’t tell.
crosstalk
									
Dan: No. They never say “Bloodshot.” Elliott Kalan: I don’t think they ever call him “Bloodshot.” Yeah.
griffin newman
									
I think they call him Bloodshot! I think Guy Pierce says “You are Bloodshot now” when he wakes up. [Multiple people laugh.]
crosstalk
									
Dan: We’re all Bloodshot now! Elliott: He says “You are the Bloodshot now, dog.” [Multiple people laugh.]
music
									
Light, up-tempo, electric guitar with synth instruments.
dan
									
Hey, everyone! And welcome to _The Flop Hous_e. I’m Dan McCoy.
stuart
									
Hey, I’m Stuart Wellington!
elliott kalan
									
I’m Elliott Kalan, owner of a brand-new hot water heater because mine was leaking. How’s everybody doing today?
dan
									
Save that juicy— [Elliott laughs.] —uh, talk for after we introduce our guest. You know him.
elliott
									
Not juicy—leaky! [Dan laughs.]
dan
									
You know— [Stuart laughs.] —our guest from The Tick! Where he played Arthur. You know him from the Blank Check podcast. You know him for being, uh, a tie for, uh, my girlfriend Audrey’s second-favorite podcaster after Hallie Haglund. Tied with Elliott Kalan for second-favorite podcaster. I assume I’m in the top 25 at least. Uh—
elliott
									
Mm, don’t make an assumption, Dan! You know what happens when you assume! [Stuart laughs.]
crosstalk
									
Stuart: Yeah, yeah, yeah. Dan: It’s Griffin Newman, everyone!
griffin
									
Hello! Hi! Uh, if you can please add to my, uh, credits, uh, Griffin Newman: World’s #1 Bloodshot Fan?
dan
									
Mm-hm. [Laughs.]
stuart
									
Yeah, yeah. [Laughs.] [Elliott laughs.] Yeah. You’re a real Vin addict! Right?
griffin
									
I’m a Vin addict. I’m a big Vino. But I also— [Stuart laughs.] I feel like truly I may be the only person who has voluntarily watched this movie two times now. And—
dan
									
[Through laughter] Yeah. Stuart—Stuart said you were watching it and I’m like, I follow him on Instagram. I’m pretty sure Griffin has already seen Bloodshot! [Laughs.] [Elliott laughs.]
griffin
									
I’m telling you—
crosstalk
									
Griffin: I got— Stuart: Wow. Which only—
stuart
									
—sounds a little creepy there. Right?
griffin
									
I got a lot of new stuff on the second viewing? And I am not joking at all. I—
dan
									
Oh, wow. [Laughs.] [Stuart laughs.]
griffin
									
—am so happy I spent the extra hour and fifty giving it another run.
elliott
									
So—before we get into Bloodshot—‘cause on this podcast we watch a bad movie and then we talk about it—uh, Griffin—I wanna know why—what is it about the Ds? And I’m talking about, of course, Eddie Deezen— [Multiple people laugh.] —that really speaks to you that you’re such a big fan of him? What is it about Vin Diesel that like you really relate to so much? Because you are a big Vinhead.
griffin
									
Yeah! Yeah, yeah, yeah. I mean—y’know, it’s taken me a while to fully analyze what it is, uh, that, uh… y’know, attracts me to him so much. ‘Cause it’s—y’know. It’s—what is love? How do you define it? Y’know? [Multiple people laugh.]
elliott
									
Well, let’s say—let’s try to kind of graph it out. Some kind of Vin Diagram, if you will.
griffin
									
This is what I will say. I think, uh—an ex-girlfriend of mine summed it up the best. Because any ex-girlfriend of mine essentially has to take an undergraduate course on Vin Diesel? Uh, whether or not they want—not, like, as a prerequisite? But it comes with the territory of spending—
crosstalk
									
Griffin: —that much— Elliott: It’s a post-requisite!
griffin
									
Yes. It’s a post-requisite. [Elliott laughs.] Once they’ve signed up to spend time with me. [Dan laughs.] Um—there’s a heavily-curated playlist of things that we have to watch. Uh, some short form, some long form! But, uh, I was explaining, uh, my love of Vin Diesel and my love of, uh, Guns ‘n’ Roses? Who are my favorite band of all time? And she said—I get it. I think I finally get it. You like things that are like a parody of masculinity. [Dan laughs.]
crosstalk
									
Elliott and Stuart: Oh, okay!
stuart
									
Yeah, yeah, yeah. I can see that.
crosstalk
									
Elliott: There is definitely—oh. Stuart: I mean, I get—
stuart
									
—the appeal to some extent. Y’know. You guys all know I’m pretty into D & D. And by that I mean… Diesel and Deez Nutz jokes. [Multiple people laugh.] That’s my whole joke, guys!
dan
									
Now I—
crosstalk
									
Elliott: That’s good. That’s good. [Laughs.] Dan: I have to admit a certain amount of—
dan
									
—confusion about this. Because like—I like Vin Diesel, but I’m not quite sure why. Because—
elliott
									
You’re not in like with him.
dan
									
Because I feel like… in his non-voice acting roles, he does not exude much in the way of personality.
crosstalk
									
Griffin: Well, I— Elliott: Oh, I disagree with you there. But—Griffin, what were you gonna say? Griffin: Yeah. I wanna hear your defense, Elliott.
elliott
									
Oh no! I think kind of a caricature or an exaggeration of masculinity makes sense. To me, Vin Diesel—even when he’s playing a serious part? Is always pretty—is always winking?
crosstalk
									
Elliott: There’s always a part of him— Stuart: Like Xander Cage?
elliott
									
When he’s playing a serious part like Xander Cage or Pitch Black or, uh, Fast? ‘Cause the— [Dan laughs.] —he’s—in Fast & the Furious—
crosstalk
									
Elliott: —his character is Johnny Fast. Dan: Johnny Fast. [Multiple people laugh.]
elliott
									
And then the late Paul Bet—uh, I was gonna say “Paul Bettany.”
crosstalk
									
Dan: [Through laughter] The late Paul Bettany! Elliott: The late Paul Walker is— [Laughs.]
dan
									
Oh, God forbid!
elliott
									
Is of course, Roger Furious. But uh— [Dan laughs.] It’s—that—there’s something about him that’s always kind of like… about to look at the audience and be like, can you believe I get to do this shit? And I really find that endearing about him? That he doesn’t—of all the—if you compare him to someone like, um… ironically, Jason Statham, who is a much winkier performer? I get the feeling that he’s like, no, no, no. I could do all these things. If you asked me to do them in real life, I could do ‘em. Whereas Vin Diesel is like—this is all made-up craziness. Like, let’s just blow it out. Let’s have fun with it. Like—Griffin, is that how you feel? Or—
griffin
									
Yeah! 100%. You—you nailed that perfectly. And I think if you wanna like establish, y’know, three points on a masculinity scale—right? [Multiple people laugh.] And it’s… cinematic masculinity. Like our modern action star. Right? And it’s Statham, The Rock, and Vin Diesel. And I’m not ranking them in terms of, uh, quality—although Vin is obviously the top. But I’m saying like, if you look on the—
crosstalk
									
Griffin: —spectrum here— Elliott: Wow. That’s—
elliott
									
I mean, Statham is a pretender to that one.
crosstalk
									
Stuart: There’s a lot of bald dads out there that are angry! Elliott: There’s a lot of Rock fans. Dan: I don’t—I mean, I’ve got a— Griffin: I’m throwing this out! I’m throwing this out! Dan: I don’t—I—
dan
									
I just don’t—I feel like we’re running down Statham a lot more than I’m comfortable with.
crosstalk
									
Dan: ‘Cause I feel like— Griffin: I—I love—
griffin
									
I love Statham. I love Statham. But I do think there’s a distinction. Which—as Elliott said—Statham is… more… openly winking to the audience. Right? Whereas Vin has a greater level of sincerity than Statham. But is also more self-aware than The Rock. Who is so fully buying his own bullshit. Y’know?
elliott
									
Yes.
griffin
									
And Vin’s like—right between the two. Statham… for me… though I love him, is a little bit too winky to be able to fully emotionally invest in him as a protagonist. The whole movie’s always in quotes. And then The Rock is buying his own bullshit a little bit too much. And I think Vin is this perfect balance in terms of the, like, machismo baldies of the 2000s and on. [Multiple people laugh.] Where he, like, means everything he says in like a John Wayne kind of way. Where it’s like—it does not resemble normal human behavior. But it is imbued with as much emotional integrity as possible? But he is also so aware that he is himself, like, a special effect. Like his voice; the fact that his name is goddamn “Vin Diesel” which was by choice? [Stuart laughs.]
crosstalk
									
Griffin: Like, everything about it. Yeah. Elliott: Well that’s the thing—
elliott
									
Someone once told me that the name “Vin Diesel,” he came up with because when he was young he spent time around… uh… in the drag community?
griffin
									
Uh-huh.
elliott
									
I guess? And there’s something about him that is, like—
stuart
									
Drag racing. Right? [Dan laughs.]
crosstalk
									
Elliott: Drag racing, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Griffin: Both!
elliott
									
That’s the—
griffin
									
Both!
elliott
									
No, but there’s something in him that is kind of like… a—I assume—I don’t know anything about his personal life. I have always assumed he’s straight but I don’t know. Like, a straight man who is like—I am going to totally absorb into me that kind of, like, comment on masculinity that is part of drag? You know? And I’m going to make that part of my persona in a way that is both straightforward and both comment-y? But he—it’s weird that like when you’re talking about bald masculinity, the person I would compare Vin Diesel the most with—strangely enough—is Telly Savalas?
crosstalk
									
Griffin: Yes! Yes! Elliott: Where it was—
elliott
									
Where it had a similar sense of like… this guy means what he says but he also knows that what he’s saying is kind of crazy. [Stuart laughs.] And like—but he’s going all out with it. Y’know.
griffin
									
Elliott, I hate to tell you this, but I might fuck you by the end of this episode. [All laugh.] I am so turned on.
stuart
									
Oh, man.
griffin
									
You are taking things out of my mouth—things that I—A, have said about Vin to other people? And B, things I have never even figured out how to verbalize before. [Dan laughs.] Do you know— [Elliott laughs.] Do you know that Kojak is one of Vin Diesel’s favorite characters of all time? For the last five years, he has been trying to set up a Kojak movie.
elliott
									
That’s crazy that he hasn’t been able to set up a Kojak movie!
griffin
									
It is his dream job? He has it set up at Universal where he makes the Fast & Furious movies and presumably he should be able to make whatever the fuck he wants, and he has been announcing it for five years that he’s doing a Kojak movie. [Multiple people laugh.]
crosstalk
									
Elliott: As he would be— Griffin: As a tribute to his mother—
griffin
									
—who apparently he used to watch it with her all the time and it was his favorite.
crosstalk
									
Griffin: When he was a child. Elliott: Oh, that’s very sweet.
elliott
									
He would be a great Kojak. I wish that he was not—they’d have to find some way to make him not look like a superhero? At least a little bit? Maybe a moustache? [Dan laughs.] But like—he—
crosstalk
									
Elliott: But like, he would— Griffin: Well if you’ve ever—
griffin
									
—seen paparazzi photos of Vin on vacation in-between movies? I will say—I think he has the capacity to look like not a superhero. [Multiple people laugh.] And he is also—and I say this with all due respect—52 years old. A fact that I like to circulate as much as possible is Vin Diesel and Paul Giamatti were born one month apart. [Multiple people laugh.] So he puts a lot of effort—
crosstalk
									
Griffin: —into being as— same doctor! Stuart: Same doctor! Same doctor delivered them both! [Elliott laughs.] Elliott: Same hospital? Yeah. Griffin: Same doctor. Same room? Uh—
elliott
									
So you’re saying that the modern version of Twins is Vin Diesel and Paul Giamatti. Playing the Arnold Schwarzenegger and Danny DeVito roles.
stuart
									
This is like a Salman Rushdie, uh… magical realist novel. [Multiple people laugh.]
griffin
									
Yes! [Multiple people laugh.] And I’m also saying—with all due respect, because it is a testament to his work ethic? But pretty much I’d say give him one lazy weekend and Vin Diesel can no longer— [Multiple people laugh.] —like like a superhero.
crosstalk
									
Elliott: Alright. That is fair. Dan: Stuart—this is very—Stuart—
dan
									
This is very stupid but I need to get this out.
griffin
									
Please.
dan
									
Vin Night’s Children.
stuart
									
Yeah. Oh— [Laughs.] Yeah.
dan
									
Alright. That’s it.
stuart
									
“Vin Night’s Children.” Yeah. I like it.
griffin
									
Yeah.
stuart
									
No, it’s perfect. Um—and— [Elliott laughs.] —to go back to comparing Vin Diesel and The Rock—one of the things that I feel like I—one of the things that gives Vin the edge for me is I don’t feel like at any point in the future, am I going to have to worry about having to vote for or against him in a political— [Multiple people laugh.]
griffin
									
Yes!
stuart
									
—race.
griffin
									
Yes! I feel like there is something to him… for as much as he is, like… was one of these guys who was tip of the spear on social media? Is constantly posting, like… fan art of himself with like “Live, Love, Create”— [Multiple people laugh.] “Happy Friday” and shit like that? It feels like he has cultivated less of a… cult of personality around him. Than someone like The Rock who is also selling us, like, his fucking workout equipment and his, like, tequila. And is constantly toeing that line of, like, I don’t know. Do you want me to be president? And I also think— [Dan laughs.] —as you said, like—The Rock wants to be… and I’m sorry that I’m gonna go hard after The Rock here, but you have to, if you’re ever talking about Vin Diesel. If you really want to defend Vin Diesel’s honor— [Multiple people laugh.] —you have to compare him to The Rock. Because The Rock is the one who—who most people accept as the best at what he’s trying to do. Right? Which I reject. Because I think The Rock—A, is less in on the joke and what we’re talking about. I do think the key to Vin Diesel for me is—Elliott, as you said—that he kind of is giving… a drag performance of an action star. You know? It is like… you know, he’s doing to Arnold Schwarzenegger what, like, a drag queen is doing to Judy Garland. In a certain way.
elliott
									
Yeah. It feels like the only thing that makes the XXX movies bearable is that Vin Diesel is like… whoa. This isn’t real. Can you imagine this stuff? Like, any moment with him, he’s playing it—like—it—if there—if—to have—and I don’t mind knocking Jason Statham. I don’t have the same affection for him. But like, if Jason Statham was in XXX: Turn of Xander Cage, the moment when that roomful of women makes him have sex with them to get his coat back? And he’s like—the things I do for my country! Jason Statham would say that in this kind of leering, like, yeah. I get to have sex with these women now! Whereas Vin Diesel was like, can you believe how silly this scene is? Like— [Dan laughs.] —alright! [Laughs.]
griffin
									
And I also think you look at the first XXX and the third XXX and the third one is the one where it feels like he has claimed some level of authorship over the movie? [Dan laughs.] And it is so much better and so much less toxic than the first one? Which is Vin being self-aware in a movie that is kind of horrifying. [Laughs.] You know? [Multiple people laugh.] Like, the third one feels like it’s totally on his level.
dan
									
We were all tired of our daddy’s James Bond and it was time for a not-our-daddy’s James Bond. Like, I was like—ugh. How many times is my daddy’s James Bond gonna be inflicted on me?
stuart
									
And by the time the third XXX came out, we were ready for not our daddy’s XXX! [Laughs.]
crosstalk
									
Elliott: Yeah. Griffin: Right! Dan: You know?
griffin
									
Right!
elliott
									
I just—I remember that—when the first XXX came out—and this is a quote I had to—I researched ‘cause I remembered it and I wanted to make sure I got it right and I used it in a presentation when we talked about XXX before a live audience. Were the producer—or it was either the producer or the director was like, we basically took the best parts of Dirty Dozen and Kelly’s Hero and—Kelly’s Heroes and smashed them together into one movie. And I was like— [though laughter] Whoa. That’s— [Multiple people laugh.] That’s such a hubristic thing to say! Like that’s such a crappy thing to say. And they did.
griffin
									
But also, if that’s what you thought you did, do you hate Kelly’s Heroes and The Dirty Dozen? [Multiple people laugh.]
elliott
									
Yeah.
griffin
									
Um…. No! I mean, like, I have affection for the first XXX but then… like, only on Vin levels and for it being such a… painful time capsule of the year 2003. But— [Multiple people laugh.] —I think, like, XXX 3 I was like, well, I like, y’know, I have to do my duty as like a civilian and go see the new vin movie in theaters. And then was surprised by how much I actually liked it. And to go back to The Rock thing, it’s like… you go to Hobbes and Shaw where every character has to exist in a scene next to The Rock to prove how masculine The Rock is? And it doesn’t feel like it’s a joke, even though it is supposed to be a joke only in the sense that it makes The Rock look funny? So that you know he’s funny on top of being… kind and the toughest guy? But also something like… that… um… uh, Vanessa Kirby has to be sexually attracted and—to The Rock in Hobbes and Shaw despite being, uh, 20 years younger than him. And, uh, literally, uh… he is, uh, a—not a human in that film. Um, it is scientifically impossible that the two of them are together. Uh— [Stuart laughs.] Whereas in, like, XXX, uh, State of the Union—or not State of the Union. I’m sorry. Return of Xander Cage, the third entry in the XXX trilogy—uh, the two quote-unquote—
elliott
									
The last of the X’s.
griffin
									
Yes.
elliott
									
There’s triple x. This is the final x. Yeah.
crosstalk
									
Griffin: Uh—X, X, Triple X, cubed. Dan: I mean, god willing, Elliott, who knows?
griffin
									
Yeah. Uh—
elliott
									
It—maybe they’ll be XXX 3: One More X!
griffin
									
X 9. Um—but in that film, the two quote-unquote hot girls are attracted to each other! Which it just feels like is something that The Rock would never do! Like, have two hot women in a movie who are like, we don’t wanna fuck you. We’re gonna fuck each other. And it is not treated as a joke and also there isn’t a sex scene.
crosstalk
									
Stuart and Dan: Yeah.
dan
									
Alright. You’ve turned me around! You all turned me around!
crosstalk
									
Griffin: Right? There’s like, a certain generosity to Vin Diesel. Elliott: Okay.
stuart
									
Yeah.
dan
									
Yeah.
stuart
									
I mean, it—when we were watching, uh, XXX 3: Return of Xander Cage, I got such a moment of genuine joy when Ice Cube showed up and like the audience I was watching it with just screamed even though none of them had seen the second movie! [All laugh.]
griffin
									
But isn’t that, like, the entire power of what he pulled off with the Fast & Furious franchise? Is like, Fast 5 has the energy of—this is the Avengers. We’re finally uniting all of the greatest cinematic characters. [Dan laughs.] And it’s characters that you ostensibly did not care about before. [Multiple people laugh.] You’re like, they’ve got the guy from 3 and the guy from 2?! [Multiple people laugh.] Like, it’s the same franchise! And he made it seem like somehow it was, like… a world-shattering crossover event.
crosstalk
									
Stuart: Yeah. Oh, man. Elliott: So speaking of—
elliott
									
—world-shattering crossover events, so. Bloodshot. The movie we’re ostensibly supposed to be talking about today. Although this has turned into a podcast about XXX: Return of Xander Cage, which is fine. [All laugh.]
dan
									
We’ve already done that one! [Laughs.]
elliott
									
Now, Bloodshot is the first entry in the Valiant cinematic universe. And I don’t know how familiar you guys are with Valiant Comics. And if you wanted me to—
crosstalk
									
Elliott: Say anything about them or not. Stuart: Barely.
dan
									
I mean, please talk about—I mean, I’m only familiar with them insomuch as I know that they were kind of a product of the ‘90s comics boom. And, uh—
crosstalk
									
Elliott: Yes. Stuart: And, uh—
stuart
									
And I know that my friend Alejandra is currently writing Doctor Tomorrow, which is great! And being published by Valiant Comics.
elliott
									
I’ll—I mean, the Valiant Comics of today is a very different publisher—like, I’ve written stuff for Valiant Comics. Like, the current one. They’ve actually put out a number of good books now. But Valiant in the ‘90s was very much, like… Image had come out. Image Comics. And it had toppled Marvel and DC from the #1 spots for a little bit. And Valiant was a bunch of people who—very talented people—who knew comics. Who had long careers at Marvel and DC and were like, we’re gonna create a new universe. And they just couldn’t quite capture the magic. And eventually it was sold to Acclaim, the video game maker. It was Acclaim Comics. Now it’s Valiant Comics again and it’s kind of new versions of those characters. But Bloodshot is kind of the Punisher of the Valiant Universe? As opposed to, uh, X-O Manowar; Iron Man; or, uh, Solar Man of the Atoms, uh… Superman; or Ninja-Ks—
crosstalk
									
Elliott: [Inaudible] I guess— Stuart: Harbinger was like— [Griffin laughs.]
stuart
									
Harbinger was like the X-Men. Right?
elliott
									
Harbinger was basically the X-Men. And if—if this—if Bloodshot does well enough they have plans for a Harbinger movie. And there’s also, like, uh… but Valiant was this—there was Wry in the Future Force. Valiant was this world that like… they also had—they had some of the old Gold Key characters. So I think Magnus Robotfighter and Solo were in there. But like—
dan
									
Now, wait. Just let me pause you for just a second. You said that, uh… he was the, uh, Punisher of that universe. Did he use, like, guns and such a lot more in the comics? Because I watched this movie and I’m like, okay. He is now technology Wolverine is what I thought.
elliott
									
Well he always had that—the nanotech in his system. Bloodshot. But he basically used it in Punisher-type missions to shoot people. You know.
dan
									
Okay.
elliott
									
He was like—if Punisher and Wolverine were the same character—which might’ve been what they were thinking! When they created him! Like, people love the Punisher. They love Wolverine. What if they were one character? And you know what? Slap a chromium on that cover! Give that a chromium cover so it’s really shiny!
crosstalk
									
Dan: Diecast. Elliott: Then we can charge—
elliott
									
$2.95 on the—not diecast! If you’re thinking of diecast chromium I think that was the Turok: Dinosaur Hunter #1 cover. But uh—but it was—but I see what you—and die cut, I think is what you meant. Diecast would be like—you’d be making like Matchbox cars. But uh—someone write in and correct me! I might be wrong. I don’t know that much about production techniques for these things. But uh—
dan
									
Okay. Sorry. You had gotten up to Gold Key before I interrupted.
elliott
									
[Laughs.] No, no. But anyway. So that—so Valiant was one of these companies that was never—was kind of the #4 company for a while just because… there was room for a #4 company? There was no one else—y’know, after DC, Marvel and Image? But they were never quite as big and they’ve been through ups and downs. Now it’s—and now they’ve put out a lot of great books. But like—the—
stuart
									
Yeah. I mean, it was back in the day when the only other option was reading, uh… what the self-published Elf Quest comics.
elliott
									
I mean, that’s a great option! Or Bone, from Jeff Smith’s cartoon books. Uh… the—but it’s like, a—it’s a weird universe to use. To try to make a film universe out of it. And when they announced this, it does feel a little bit like, oh, okay. This is the film universe that you could get. ‘Cause Marvel and DC were taken, and Image does not exist as one. It’s all creator-owned by their individual creators. Uh, and that—and you’re not gonna go to get a Malibu Press universe together. [Stuart laughs.] ‘Cause Marvel bought and buried all those characters. So.
dan
									
Well also I will say watching this movie—it was about halfway through that I’m like, oh, yeah, I think this is based on a Valiant comic. ‘Cause it doesn’t necessarily feel like a superhero story so much as just, y’know, like, a throwback sci-fi action movie.
griffin
									
It totally—
elliott
									
This? Yeah. I mean, this same movie, I could see watching it on HBO as a teenager. Like… in the middle of a Saturday. And I’d be like, oh, okay! This makes sense. I’m neither surprised nor am I disappointed. [Laughs.] [Dan laughs.]
griffin
									
I was, uh… my sort of closest, uh, uh, Vin cohort in terms of the guy I constantly check in with, uh, for Vin updates. One of a couple people I, uh, check in with after, uh, there have been Vin updates in the world. Is, uh, John Gabrus of the High and Mighty and Action Boyz podcast? And, uh… I was, like—after I watched it for the first time, telling him, like, my takes on it? I was like—it feels like… uh… a Schwarzenegger in a racer zone. Like, it feels like it is pulled off of the timeline from 1997. Um—if I can offer a quick—
stuart
									
I feel like Guy Pearce is a slightly more intimidating villain than James Caan. [Dan laughs.]
griffin
									
Maybe! [Elliott laughs.] Maybe. Um…
elliott
									
I mean, this is—this movie—it—rather than fitting into like a Valiant cinematic universe, it kind of fits into a—don’t trust Guy Pearce as the head of a technology company universe.
griffin
									
Mm-hm! [Multiple people laugh.] Mm-hm!
elliott
									
I was like, how many movies am I gonna see where Guy Pearce is like an evil scientist businessman? Uh, if—
dan
									
Audrey was like, has he ever just played a straight-up, like, good guy? I’m like, well… I mean…
crosstalk
									
Dan: L.A. Confidential, but he was kind of a dick? Elliott: Kind of? Griffin: Yeah. Dan: And then like— Stuart: Time Machine?
dan
									
Lockout? But he was also kind of a dick. [Laughs.] Like, I’m not sure!
griffin
									
Um, if I can offer a quick addendum, uh… to your Valiant, uh, breakdown. Elliott. Um—this movie was announced as Sony Gets the Valiant Comics Rights, uh, four-movie universe planned. And what they announced was—uh—it’ll be like Harbinger; Bloodshot; then I think Harbinger 2; and then they were gonna do a crossover. That’s what I think was, uh, sort of thrown out. And then when Vin got attached, Bloodshot became the first thing and they were like, we will use this to launch, uh, everything else. Um, and to your point, like, the weirdness of trying to launch a Bloodshot cinematic universe—a thing I experienced— [Dan laughs.] —from working on The Tick is, uh, very often these large companies that buy the rights to obscure, uh, creator-owned comic book companies? Uh, and properties? Don’t understand that everything isn’t as popular as The Avengers? [Laughs.] There’s this like— [All laugh.] [Through laughter] There’s this assumption where they’re like, well, they like comic books, right? So every character has as big of a built-in fanbase? Um… but, uh—that was announced. Bloodshot was announced as the first step of this thing.
elliott
									
So you’re saying when they put out the American Splendor book, they were like—this is just chapter one!
crosstalk
									
Elliott: The American Splendor cinematic universe! Griffin: 100%
elliott
									
It’s comics, right? Then we’ll do Mr. Natural. [Dan laughs.] Then Harvey Pekar and Mr. Natural crossover in the sequels. [Multiple people laugh.]
crosstalk
									
Griffin: We’re doing a Pekar-verse! Dan: Whereas, uh—
dan
									
I’m like a comics fan, who was alive through that period, and if you asked me for a Valiant, uh, comics character I’d—I—after Turok, I would tap out. [Laughs.] So.
crosstalk
									
Elliott: Really? Stuart: So— Dan: Yeah.
stuart
									
Dan’s dying for the Krazy Kat movie. [All laugh.]
elliott
									
Well the—I’m amazed that there is not already… a—a movie out there that’s like the Sunday comics cinematic universe but it’s all the public domain ones? So it’s like Krazy Kat; Katzenjammer Kids; like… uh…
crosstalk
									
Griffin: Well there’s that, like, insane, incomprehensible-looking new CGI Scooby Doo movie? Elliott: The Yellow Kid, I guess? Nemo?
griffin
									
Which is that with Hanna Barbara? Where it’s a new CGI Scooby Doo movie that is also simultaneously six other Hanna Barbara properties? [Dan laughs.]
elliott
									
Well I mean, but Hanna Barbara’s been doing that for decades!
crosstalk
									
Elliott: ‘Cause they had Laugh Olympics and they had [Inaudible] Erasers and— Griffin: Oh, totally! Yeah!
elliott
									
But—oh! Actually, the weirdest one is that Tom & Jerry movie that’s also a Willie Wonka movie? [Laughs.]
griffin
									
Yes! Right? Right? Well there’s that series of like—the other ones are like public domain because there’s Tom & Jerry Sherlock Holmes; Tom & Jerry Wizard of Oz; and then Wonka is so specifically Gene Wilder Wonka— [Elliott laughs.] —with all the same designs and characters. But this is—I don’t mean to drop a big bombshell here—but I was, uh, doing my research before we recorded, and it turns out as seemingly the move of, like, dumping thing overboard, uh, right before the ship hits an iceberg, uh… [Dan laughs.] Sony, like, five months ago, sold off all the remaining Valiant rights. Before this came out.
elliott
									
Ohhh.
griffin
									
And so they were like, yeah, no, Paramount—you can make Harbinger! That’s fine. So it seems like if any other Valiant movies get made, they will not be connected to this in any way, even though that was the explicit design of this movie.
elliott
									
I mean, I’m gonna tell ya—I don’t think Harbinger’s gonna get made. Because even as a kid when that came out, I was like—what kind of name for a comic is “Harbinger?” [Griffin laughs.] Like, it’s such a weird word to like make your—to name a thing! Like, I don’t—it doesn’t make sense to me! So.
crosstalk
									
Griffin: Well, only— Stuart: I certainly had trouble—
stuart
									
—pronouncing it as a kid.
elliott
									
Yeah.
griffin
									
Only Christopher Nolan could get away with a blockbuster called Harbinger. He’s the only guy who can just put Harbinger on a title and people’d go, like, that sounds smart! Like, that actually—yeah! [Multiple people laugh.]
elliott
									
I bet this has—I bet this is a movie about ideas!
griffin
									
Yeah!
elliott
									
Uh, speaking about a movie that’s not about ideas—Bloodshot. [Dan laughs.] Stuart, do you want to tell us what happens in this movie? [Laughs.]
stuart
									
Yeah. Let me, uh, so we’re about 30 minutes into the podcast— [Multiple people laugh.] —let’s start talking about the movie. Uh—
crosstalk
									
Dan: That’s fine! No— Elliott: I mean, to be fair— Stuart: Uh—
crosstalk
									
Elliott: To be fair, we have been on point this whole time. This is the most— Stuart: Let me—uh—
stuart
									
Look at—let me look at my seven pages of notes. [Multiple people laugh.]
elliott
									
Wow. Somehow—somehow this is both the most time we’ve taken before talking about the movie and the most on-topic we’ve ever been. [Multiple people laugh.] So Griffin, I appreciate your being here for that. [Griffin laughs.]
stuart
									
Okay. Bloodshot! We, uh, the movie opens in Mombasa. Uh, we’re introduced to Vin Diesel, playing a character we know as “Bravo Six.” Later find out his name is Ray Garrison. Uh, he’s talking to his buddy Marines over his headpiece. They’re doing a lot of sit reps. [Elliott laughs.] He disobeys a direct order and he breaches the—what—the… the terrorist cell by himself and kills a bunch of terrorists? And saves the, uh, the hostage?
crosstalk
									
Griffin: Yeah. My— Elliott: There’s a house full of hostages and terrorists.
elliott
									
And he just walks right in.
griffin
									
My—my note I wrote here is, uh, “Vin Diesel casually 52-year-old soldier—” [All laugh.]
stuart
									
Yeah. There’s, like, it’s similar to any time when Tom Cruise plays a soldier and you’re like—uh, he’s not a frontline soldier anymore. Right? [Laughs.] [Multiple people laugh.]
griffin
									
Right! This guy’s, like, a grunt? [Multiple people laugh.] He has a—
elliott
									
I mean, maybe he was—I wouldn’t be—maybe—if this was—if this was a different time—if this was—
crosstalk
									
Elliott: Ten years ago. Stuart: Yeah. Like the Civil War? [Laughs.]
elliott
									
Well, no. But if this was like ten years ago, you could say that he was, like, uh, he was called back in. They were doing that a lot with people in the National Guard or people who had had their hitch and they were being brought in for a new—like, but I guess in the Navy they call it a hitch. But—
crosstalk
									
Dan: They shoulda had, like, uh— Elliott: Or their tour, I should say.
dan
									
Like, a—aren’t you a little short for a stormtrooper scene. [Through laughter] Where it’s like—
crosstalk
									
Dan: Aren’t you a little old for a soldier? [Laughs.] Griffin: Right! Aren’t you— Elliott: Aren’t you a little old to be going after— Dan: Then, like, explains it. Well, y’know— Elliott: But he’s so good at what he does! Griffin: But—yes.
elliott
									
I mean, the real question is—at 52, he really should’ve been promoted—
crosstalk
									
Elliott: —much higher up the ranks. Like, that’s the sad thing. Griffin: I was gonna say that! This guy hasn’t put in for a desk job yet?
griffin
									
There are ways to stay— [Elliott laughs.] —in the military. And I do think—I think you’re right. There was a ten-year grace period where you could take any over-a-certain-hill action star and say, look. After 9/11… they wanted to go back—
crosstalk
									
Griffin: —into the battlefield. Elliott: Yes. Everyone was called back in. Right. Stuart: Yeah.
elliott
									
He’s fighting in Mombasa. So this is a… this is, like, one of these operations that the public doesn’t even learn too much about. [Stuart laughs.] And so—and like, where we’re assisting local forces. So it’s not like he’s fighting the Taliban. And makes me wonder—I don’t know what Mombasa looks like. But where they were looked so generic to me that I won—it kinda felt like they—it was just supposed to be anywhere and they just kind of named it later? You know? I don’t know.
griffin
									
This movie was shot entirely in, uh, Cape Town, South Africa? Uh—I think partially ‘cause the director was there and I assume they were able to get some sort of a government grant or tax rebate? But also because it feels like a place that looks like eight different places so they could just shoot different areas and later decide which chyrons they would put over? Identifying, like, the—no, this is Australia! Um… this is Madrid. Like— [Multiple people laugh.] —everything is like—uh, Mombasa! [Elliott laughs.]
stuart
									
This is Italy, but a different part than the other part of Italy— [Multiple people laugh.] —we were in before.
elliott
									
That also explains why—what—the first time he sees the skyline, where his, like, the Guy Pearce’s building it, I was like—I don’t know what city this is supposed to be. Like, I don’t recognize this skyline at all.
crosstalk
									
Elliott: And I don’t know the Cape Town skyline! So. That could be it. Griffin: I—I feel—I feel pretty certain—
griffin
									
—they did not pick the specific cities until ten months after production wrapped. [Multiple people laugh.]
elliott
									
They’re like, the movie is supposed to be released tomorrow. Can we name where it’s taking place? [Griffin laughs.] Uh, yeah. Throw some chyrons up. They’re in Budapest now. Oh, okay! [Laughs.] Uh—so—
stuart
									
So, uh, despite having a, uh, an opening similar to The Marine—starring John Cena—wait. Is it John Cena? I don’t remember. Um—
elliott
									
Yeah.
stuart
									
Who’s in The Marine? Um—
dan
									
Yeah. You got it. [Elliott laughs.]
stuart
									
Oh, perfect. Nailed it in one. Um—so he—there’s no repercussions. He and his buddies go back. He—and by “buddies” I mean other marines. Uh, they talk about why—the reason they do this is because of Vin Diesel’s wife. [Multiple people laugh.] Uh, who he meets.
dan
									
[Through laughter] Yeah. He’s like, that’s why you—that’s why we fight, boys! And I’m like, wait. Are they all married to her? [All laugh.]
elliott
									
Yeah. It’s just like the end of Horsefeathers, Dan. They all married her in the same ceremony. [Laughs.]
griffin
									
At the very least they all covet her. And then—
dan
									
I mean, fine!
griffin
									
They’ve been on a vow of celibacy for twenty years waiting for their chance. [Multiple people laugh.]
stuart
									
They call him “boss,” which I was like—“boss?” I thought somebody else was giving the orders. But don’t worry about that. Uh, so they go for a walk along a pier and then they have a candlelight love scene—
crosstalk
									
Stuart: —and they talk about his scars. Griffin: It’s just like—
griffin
									
It’s like a very simple post-special-ops mission vacation. [Multiple people laugh.]
crosstalk
									
Elliott: [Through laughter] Yeah. He’s going on—he’s going on his— Stuart: Yeah. On the Amalfi Coast.
elliott
									
He’s going on his covert-moon. That’s, uh, the little trip with his wife after each covert mission where he, just, y’know, gets to forget about his troubles. They just go to the Italian coast. [Stuart laughs.] They loll around in bed in their underpants because like all married couples in PG-13 movies, they wear their underpants when they’re in bed together.
dan
									
Well— [Laughs.]
elliott
									
And then they—and what else do they do? They just kinda hang around—they go to a fish market and it’s just laughing, loving. Life-ing. [Griffin laughs.]
dan
									
I mean, they’re—they’re not—they don’t have the underwear on the whole time. There’s a, like, a PG-13 sex scene that happens. And they, like—
crosstalk
									
Griffin: There’s some side-boob. Yeah. Dan: I don’t—
dan
									
Yeah. [Elliott laughs.] I don’t know whether… this is actually the way it was shot in the movie? Or how [though laughter] I just remember it in the movie? But I remember them having sex in like one of those movie rooms that’s like filled with a lot of tulle just sort of hanging from the ceiling? Like— [Griffin laughs.] —the phoniest, like, fabrics just sort of, like, blowing around?
elliott
									
Oh, “tulle” like—like the fabric.
dan
									
Yeah. Yeah.
elliott
									
I thought you meant “tools,” like—
crosstalk
									
Elliott: —in a warehouse or like a repair shop. Dan: The band. Stuart: [Laughs.] Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, like— Dan: —hanging—
stuart
									
Yeah, like the Cenobites are gonna show up. [Laughs.] [Multiple people laugh.]
elliott
									
Yeah. Like he get—Vin keeps hitting his head on the chains that are hanging above them. Yeah.
stuart
									
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
griffin
									
I don’t know if you guys know this too, but the actress who plays his wife is, uh, Tallulah Riley, who is also on Westworld. But was married, uh, two separate times to Elon Musk? And I find that fascinating because she seems to only appear in projects that feel like they could’ve been written by Elon Musk? [Multiple people laugh.]
stuart
									
[Through laughter] That’s great.
elliott
									
She’s drawn to a certain type.
griffin
									
Yeah! Yeah.
elliott
									
Uh, and—Dan, you’re remembering it right. They’re basically having sex in like a—the video from “I Will Do Anything for Love.”
dan
									
Like a Penthouse centerfold or something? Yeah.
elliott
									
Mm-hm. Yeah. Uh—so—and then—but Stuart, what happens? It sounds like the movie’s over! Everyone’s having a great time.
crosstalk
									
Elliott: They love it. Stuart: Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay. So—mission accomplished! Griffin: Perfect happy ending!
stuart
									
Unfortunately… the next morning, uh, a team of two guys attack Bravo Six—aka Ray Garrison—aka Vin Diesel— [Elliott laughs.] Uh, he beats the shit out of them and then as he’s leaving he bumps into a guy and then he falls asleep and you’re like—I guess he got drugged. Smash cut—he wakes up. Tied with a, like, hempen rope to a chair in a meat locker filled with meat. Uh, the guy who knocked him out shows up. Uh, and then dances to Dan’s favorite song—at this point I’m sure Dan was pretty into the movie.
dan
									
Mm-hm.
stuart
									
Uh, Talking Heads’ “Psycho Killer.” Um—and then—
elliott
									
I had the same thought when “Psycho Killer” started. I was like, oh! They’re pandering to Dan right now! [Dan laughs.]
dan
									
[Through laughter] You’re also a big Talking Heads fan!
elliott
									
I am! I am. But I just—when I think Talking Heads, I think Dan.
dan
									
Okay.
griffin
									
This was the moment where I fully fell in love with the movie. I mean, I was like— [Multiple people laugh.] —I was pretty in just from the name above the title? But the second we got to the—the second-best—
crosstalk
									
Griffin: —ever use of “Psycho Killer” in a film? Elliott: Valiant Comics. [Dan laughs.]
griffin
									
I knew I was in love.
elliott
									
Now the first one, I assume, would be in my college screenplay, “Psycho Killer.”
griffin
									
Correct.
crosstalk
									
Griffin: And then “Stop Making Sense” is third. [Laughs.] Elliott: About—
elliott
									
Okay. Yeah. “Stop Making Sense” is number—third. Yeah.
crosstalk
									
Griffin: [Through laughter] What was your “Psycho Killer” screenplay about? [Laughs.] Stuart: Uh, so, uh—yeah. We’re—
elliott
									
This is a screenplay I wrote in, uh, one of my screenwriting classes at NYU. And it was about—there is a—there is a serial killer who is—who is stalking New York. And a, uh, a big-time director who’s had a couple bombs under his belt has decided he’s gonna go back to his indie roots and he’s going to make a movie about the serial killer on the real locations that the serial killer’s killing people? And the serial killer gets really interested in this movie ‘cause he’s like, oh! This is how I’m gonna like—this is how people are gonna remember me! And basically is stalking this director and like killing people around him to get him to do the things he wants in the movie. And anyway. It’s like—it was written by me at a time when I really didn’t know how movies were made? [Stuart laughs.] So there’s a lot of stuff where I’m like, using terminology that—where I’m like, if I look back at it now I’m sure I’d be like, that’s not how that works. [Multiple people laugh.] That’s not a thing you can do.
stuart
									
That’s not what “Craft Services” is! [Multiple people laugh.]
crosstalk
									
Griffin: Yeah. Weird that you put those into the screen directions? Dan: They’re all making dreamcatchers at craft— [Multiple people laugh.]
elliott
									
There’s a lot of, like, smash cut rack focus to ultra-closeup. That kind of stuff. Yeah. [Multiple people laugh.]
griffin
									
It’s weird that you put in screen directions for what was going to be on the craft services table? [Dan laughs.]
elliott
									
I got—look. I was really building a world. [Multiple people laugh.]
stuart
									
Okay. So we have forgotten about our pal Vin. Vin is tied, once again, with, uh, hemp and rope to an office chair—
crosstalk
									
Stuart: —inside this meat locker. Elliott: Thank you for specifying the kind of rope. I appreciate it. [Dan laughs.]
stuart
									
I just think it’s kind of funny because up until this point you’re like, I bet this, like, they would use like high-tech handcuffs. But no. Um— [Elliott laughs.] So… uh, you think they’re just gonna be intimidating Vin Diesel, but nope! They bring his wife in. Oh, man. They just crossed the fucking line! [Griffin laughs.] Uh, the guy then, uh, uses one of those, uh, pneumatic, uh, pneumatic bolt pistol things? And, uh… asks Vin some questions that of course he doesn’t know ‘cause they’re above his pay grade. And then he kills his wife anyway and then he shoots him in the face.
dan
									
Yeah.
stuart
									
End of the movie. Right?
crosstalk
									
Dan: Now—no, hold on. Stuart: Nope!
dan
									
Now I wanna say—now, uh… I’m not gonna spoil the twist of the movie at this point, even though the trailer does it. Uh… we will spoil the twist, y’know, in another 20 minutes or probably an hour. [Laughs.] The way we’re— [Multiple people laugh.]
crosstalk
									
Dan: Taking our time. Elliott: The way we’re talking—
elliott
									
—it’ll be tomorrow. Yeah.
dan
									
But… y’know, Audrey was watching this with me. She’s much more, uh, vocal when we watch movies at home than—than I normally would be. But like she’s like y’know like chatting about the movie and she’s like—like—at this point, she is… not angry, let’s say, but pointing out… that this woman is like the laziest version of a wife in one of these situations where she’s just waiting around at home to like— [Stuart laughs.] —leap on him and have sex in this, uh, drapery factory afterwards. And then like—
crosstalk
									
Dan: —she’s immediate— Stuart: Who do you think lit all those candles? Elliott: Uh— Dan: Yeah.
elliott
									
Drapery showroom, Dan.
dan
									
[Through laughter] Yeah. And then she is immediately fridged to give him a motivation. And… there is a reason why this is all so, like… lazy. That we’ll—will come up later in the movie. [Laughs.] But at this point you’re like, okay. Well I’ve seen this movie a million times before.
griffin
									
100%. Watching this for the first time—without getting to the spoilers yet—watching for the first time, I was accepting the sloppiness and the shortcuts in areas like that as like—I guess this is what I fucking have to tolerate to get a Vin Diesel Bloodshot movie? [Dan laughs.] Like, as long as— [Stuart laughs.] —they get to the—y’know, the good stuff? I’m fine if like… the setup is—is sloppy? Watching it the second time, I am—actually kind of astonished by the artistry of… how transparently clockwork all of that stuff is. [Dan laughs.]
crosstalk
									
Stuart: Yeah. That’s why I keep bringing up the rope! Griffin: Um, I also wanna point out—yes!
elliott
									
It—I also— [Elliott laughs.] —all—every single detail for me feels so perfectly chosen once you understand what the twist of this movie is. I also just wanna point out—the way you know that this is a film made by a director who understands Vin Diesel as a star. ‘Cause I stop-watched it. I believe it is 4 minutes and 52 seconds in. Once they’ve landed the plane at the base and Vin turns to all his grunts and says, like, that’s who we’re doing it for? He wastes no time to immediately take off his uniform and reveal the wifebeater underneath. [Multiple people laugh.] Which is—for Vin Diesel, pulling off an outer layer, revealing a wifebeater is like Captain America picking up his shield. It is the moment— [Stuart laughs.] —you know you are cooking with gas? [Dan laughs.]
elliott
									
Well you know—Vin Diesel, uh, if—he’s had a lot of foes on film. But his greatest enemy is sleeves. [All laugh.]
griffin
									
[Through laughter] Yeah! Famously overheated arms. Vin Diesel.
elliott
									
Yeah. Yeah.
stuart
									
And I’m glad that he’s never—he has yet to come across a necktie or a bowtie. ‘Cause I feel like— [Elliott laughs.] —that is a battle he cannot win. [Laughs.]
crosstalk
									
Elliott: No. Griffin: Yes.
elliott
									
I mean, they—so—just to jump in, it was originally reported that Jared Leto was gonna star in this film as Bloodshot. How different—up to this point—do you think this movie would be if it was Jared Leto—
crosstalk
									
Dan: [Through laughter] Oh, jeez! Elliott: —instead of Vin Diesel?
griffin
									
Uh, well—I’ll tell you a big difference. I would not have seen it. Uh— [Multiple people laugh.] I’d say that’s an immediate difference. I would have no opinions on it [though laughter] other than my absolute revulsion at the very premise. Um—I also think—I think, like, the thing we’re sort of talking around here is that, like… the movie doesn’t work unless you, A, have someone who is… an action star. Is proven in this genre because of what this movie is ultimately doing narratively. And B, is someone who is so self-aware about how they’re action persona plays. If you cast it against type and pick a guy like Jared Leto and go, like—it’s Morbius! The thing is we’ve never seen a hero who looks like this before! Then the whole thing is fucking nonsense.
crosstalk
									
Stuart and Dan: Yeah.

									
Yeah. Well—uh—
stuart
									
So—so we get our opening credit sequence. Uh, we can only assume that Vin Diesel is dead and then, of course—nope! He wakes up. He’s in a secret lab. Uh, he’s in a secret lab and he is introduced to, uh, KT? A young cyborg woman. And— [Laughs.] Uh… who is this? Uh…
crosstalk
									
Elliott: Guy Pearce. Stuart: Emil—Doctor Emil Harting?
stuart
									
Who is played by Space Jail himself—Guy Pearce!
crosstalk
									
Elliott: Mm-hm. Prometheus himself. Dan: Now, Guy Pearce—
dan
									
His casting is a clue to the twist of the movie!
crosstalk
									
Griffin: Hmmm! Dan: Can you figure it out? [Laughs.] Hmm! Elliott: Can you guess it?
elliott
									
It’s—he is one of those act—and I love him as an actor. He’s so good in Memento. He’s so good in… uh… The Proposition? The Western that he’s in? Like—but—that—but like… the—he’s like MaxFun Sido at this point where the minute he shows up you’re like, oh, the bad guy? [Laughs.] [All laugh.]
crosstalk
									
Griffin: Uh—and— Stuart: But at the same time, like—
stuart
									
He brings—I think he brings something extra to it that like… yeah, you might—it might spoil the twist, but at least it’s gonna be fun the whole time.
elliott
									
Oh no. He’s—he does this stuff great. I like it. It’s in his sleep he can do this stuff. But it’s—at this point it’s like, I wanna see him do something where I don’t automatically know— [Dan laughs.] —the minute—literally the minute I see his name in the credits. Well it’s like—it’s like in, um… uh…
dan
									
Geostorm?
elliott
									
What was it—Geostorm, yeah! [Dan laughs.] When Ed Harris shows up and you’re like, oh, the villain! [Through laughter] Like—
dan
									
I love that I knew— [Stuart laughs.] —exactly [though laughter] where you were going, Elliott.
elliott
									
[Laughs.] Yeah. That was—that was—
crosstalk
									
Elliott: —pretty amazing. It’s like we were— Griffin: But to this point—
elliott
									
—talking with our nanobots. Yeah.
griffin
									
To this point I think, like, if you see Ed Harris’s name in the opening credits of a film like Geostorm you go, ugh, he’s the villain and he’s going to sort of be phoning it in. Like, this—I’m not gonna get full Ed Harris here. He’s not gonna leave it all on the dance floor—
crosstalk
									
Griffin: —for fucking Geostorm. Elliott: This is not Pollock. He’s not gonna do that. Stuart: This is not Milk Money.
griffin
									
Right! Right! [All laugh.] But whereas, like, if you see Guy Pearce in the opening credits? You’re like, well, they’ve—they’ve already spoiled for me that he’s the villain? But I know he’s gonna have fun with it. Like, this guy is actually gonna try to entertain himself playing this. Um, Stuart—
crosstalk
									
Elliott: I guess so. Griffin: —just quickly, uh—
griffin
									
—because I feel like you glossed over this—you said that KT is a cyborg. Now I assume the parts of her body that have been augmented are something really cool that would help her fight— [Dan laughs.] —like big robot arms— [All laugh.] —or laser eyes?
crosstalk
									
Elliott: Or maybe she has rocket feet? Griffin: She’s got, like, guns? [Dan laughs.]
stuart
									
Well we later find out that KT was a navy swimmer?
crosstalk
									
Griffin: Uh-huh? Okay. Stuart: And she— Griffin: Robot legs can swim really fast!
griffin
									
Tell me. Does she got a motor or a fan? What does she got?
stuart
									
So she was horribly injured and the only thing they could do was replace her… uh… what—she couldn’t breathe? So they put in like a robot breathing tube?
crosstalk
									
Stuart: In her neck? Or chest? Griffin: She’s got robot lungs!
stuart
									
[Laughs.] But that’s great because that means that she—what? Can like… filter out, like, poisonous gas? [Laughs.]
elliott
									
Uh—she can breathe through anything. Water—gas.
crosstalk
									
Griffin: She’s like a human Brita filter! Elliott: Nope. That’s it!
griffin
									
Yeah.
crosstalk
									
Elliott: Yeah. Dan: Now I—
dan
									
I wanna say that she is played by Eiza González, who, uh—who has been in, um, y’know, some fun movies like Hobbes & Shaw and Baby Driver. But she’s also—this is her fourth Flop House movie. She was in—
elliott
									
Stuart: Wow! Wow! Dan: Jem and the Holograms.
dan
									
She was in Welcome to Marwen and she was in Alita: Battle Angel.
crosstalk
									
Dan: Which I don’t believe we’ve released yet. Yeah. But we—we watched it. Elliott: Yet to be released! Yeah. But we did do it.
elliott
									
That’s the movie where—and spoiler alert for that one, where we talk about Dan’s love of backstory and elaborate world-building histories.
crosstalk
									
Elliott: [Inaudible.] [Laughs.] Dan: I do not—
dan
									
—have that love. [Stuart laughs.] That is something that has been placed on me— [Elliott laughs.] —because I asked for one line of explanation for a key plot point. But anyway.
crosstalk
									
Stuart: I gotta say—I don’t want to spoil the rest of the movie— Elliott: I don’t know if I’d call it a key plot point.
stuart
									
—but… for a character with—let’s just say, a limited power suite.
griffin
									
Yes. [Elliott laughs.]
stuart
									
They find many opportunities to use— [Dan laughs.] —her powers for her benefit.
elliott
									
I mean, that’s imagination! That’s what Jack Kirby would do! He’d say, okay. The Hulk is super strong. Okay. I could have him just punch and lift things, but what if he slapped his hands together and created a shockwave? What if he jumped so far that he could basically fly? Like, what if he could blow his—with his enormous lungs and knock people over? You gotta find different ways to use those powers, y’know?
stuart
									
What if he went undercover as a robot clown working at the circus? [Multiple people laugh.]
elliott
									
He—okay. He wasn’t necessarily undercover. He was hypnotized. And they— [Multiple people laugh.] —and they disguised him as a robot clown working at the circus. It wasn’t like he did that as a plan; he just found himself in that situation. [Stuart laughs.]
dan
									
Now, that is a reference I can enjoy without actually knowing [though laughter] what it’s referencing. [Laughs.] [Stuart laughs.]
elliott
									
Okay. Well, it’s a—it’s a—it’s a major part of Marvel history! [Laughs.]
crosstalk
									
Dan: Imagining the Hulk as a robot clown. Delights and amuses! No matter what your experience! Elliott: [Through laughter] For a—for a—for a very brief time he was—for a very brief time he was hypnotized— Stuart: So at this point—
elliott
									
—into thinking he was a robot clown in the master of—in the Ringmaster of Crime circus.
dan
									
Great. I love it. [Laughs.]
stuart
									
So, uh, at this point, uh, Doctor Harting explains that Bloodshot has been killed. He’s been killed in action. And they brought him back. Uh, except his body had been anonymously donated, uh, by the military— [Dan laughs.] —and nobody had picked up his body.
crosstalk
									
Dan: They just left him in the drop box. [Laughs.] Outside. Stuart: He had no loved ones. [Elliott laughs.]
crosstalk
									
Stuart: Yep! [Laughs.] They just dropped him through a drop box. Elliott: Yeah, they—they put him in— [Laughs.]
stuart
									
They said, uh, please replace blood with nanites, which is what they did. [Dan laughs.] Nanites are nanobots—
crosstalk
									
Stuart: —that will heal any damage that is caused to his body. What’s up? Elliott: And—and this is—they call it—
elliott
									
And it’s—it’s called Project Bloodshot.
stuart
									
Uh-huh. Project Bloodshot.
crosstalk
									
Dan: Through laughter] Now— [Laughs.] look. This— Stuart: So they—and they demonstrate—
stuart
									
—by cutting his hand, and he goes—owie! [Multiple people laugh.] And then, uh, and then we get a close-up of his hand. [Laughs.] His hand healing. [Laughs.]
dan
									
Now—it will surprise no one that the science of all this is questionable. [Laughs.] But when they say like, oh, you put nanites in my blood and she’s like, [though laughter] no. Your blood is nanites. I’m like, what?
griffin
									
Important distinction!
crosstalk
									
Elliott: I mean, I— Griffin: There’s no blood left! Dan: Yeah. And it’s— Elliott: He has no blood.
elliott
									
He just has—I mean, to be honest, you don’t—as long as you’ve got something that’s gonna bring oxygen and things like that around your body, you don’t need blood.
dan
									
Sure. Great. But spoiler alert! There are a couple times in this movie where he basically gets blown apart? [Laughs.] And then he comes back together? And I’m like—uhhh, okay. I don’t [though laughter] know at this point nanorobots explains this.
elliott
									
Well they—and also, he—
stuart
									
I do like that when… uh, Doctor Harting cuts his hand to demonstrate his Bloodshot powers, he does, like, he’s like—ow!
crosstalk
									
Stuart: And that was literally the only time— Elliott: And he reacts in pain!
stuart
									
—in the rest of the movie when he’s getting shot and blown apart that he seems to register the, uh, injury.
elliott
									
That’s—that’s the thing. When he—has has nanites that heal him. But like, literally he’s being blown up. Half his head gets blown away and then reforms? It should hurt so much! But he said he’s just like, whatever. I don’t care. Like, he feels no pain now.
griffin
									
It’s mind over matter, okay? Physically pain— [Stuart laughs.] —is a mental prison! ‘Cause the whole point is— [Stuart laughs.] —Guy Pearce cuts his hand? He thinks it hurts ‘cause he doesn’t know that he’s fucking Bloodshot yet! [Multiple people laugh.]
crosstalk
									
Elliott: I see. Stuart: Oh, yeah. You’re right.
elliott
									
So every time—so now when he gets hurt, he’s like, ow! And then he looks at his tattoo that says “You are Bloodshot.”
crosstalk
									
Elliott: And he’s like, oh yeah! Right! Griffin: And he’s like, oh! Never mind! [Dan laughs.]
griffin
									
‘Cause that—no, that is a big—this is important detail! This is where this movie starts to start to… y’know, riff on RoboCop and Memento. The Guy Pearce of it all becomes a little clear! He also doesn’t remember who he fucking is! He doesn’t remember shit!
stuart
									
Yeah. He doesn’t remember anything. He’s introduced to a couple other enhanced soldiers: Tibbs, who, uh, lost his eyes but now has robot eyes and can see everything? And then, uh—
crosstalk
									
Stuart: —Dalton? Elliott: His enhancement is actually kinda crappy—
elliott
									
—in that he has cameras on his chest and they’re hooked up to his eyes. [Multiple people laugh.] So if he wears a shirt or is not—and is not wearing a harness he’s still blind again. [Laughs.]
griffin
									
He’s V-neck only! [Laughs.]
elliott
									
Yeah. [Laughs.]
stuart
									
And then—and there’s Dalton, who has a pair of robot legs. And Dalton is played by the guy from—he’s that hunky Outlander fellow. Right?
elliott
									
Mm-hm. Yeah, yeah. And I—now—and this again is a tipoff that if someone has artificial legs they’re gonna be the murderer, just like the real-life artificial leg murderer— [Multiple people laugh.] —Oscar Pistorius.
dan
									
Okay. Um—wow. [Multiple people laugh.] That’s—
stuart
									
Oh, wow. Yeah. Dan doesn’t wanna get sued [though laughter] by the— [Multiple people laugh.] —Oscar Pistorius [inaudible].
crosstalk
									
[So much laughter and crosstalk occurs that only a few words can be heard here and there.] Dan: Well— [Laughs.] Elliott: He— Griffin: This—
griffin
									
—this movie above all else is anti-Pistorius agitprop. That’s—that’s the number one goal of this film. [Multiple people laugh.]
elliott
									
The scene—the scene where—the scene where Dalton, uh, fires through a bathroom door at his wife and then tells everyone— [Stuart laughs.] —he thought it was a burglar? That seems pretty on the nose. [Multiple people laugh.]
griffin
									
Look, I just wanna say—South African director! Filmed in Cape Town! [Elliott laughs.]
stuart
									
That’s, yeah, that’s, uh… connecting the dots. So—
elliott
									
Now, now Stuart—now, wait! But they’re not the only cyborgs ‘cause what about Guy Pearce?
crosstalk
									
Griffin: Mmmmm! Stuart: Oh, yeah, I forgot!
stuart
									
Dr. Emil Harting has a cyborg arm that he lost in a tennis cancer accident, I think? [Multiple people laugh.] I can’t remember.
crosstalk
									
Elliott: Yes. Yeah. He was— Dan: I don’t—I think it’s called—
dan
									
—just call it a disease when cancer’s involved. [Multiple people laugh.] I don’t think there’s a—an accident. Necessarily.
elliott
									
But they make it very clear that tennis was involved in some way.
stuart
									
Tennis was very important to him.
crosstalk
									
Stuart: But it also makes him strong! Elliott: He goes—he—
elliott
									
Actually, that would’ve been a pretty good joke if he was—if he just had—lift up his robot arm and he’s like, yeah. Tennis elbow. What are you gonna do? [Griffin laughs.]
stuart
									
That’s a very Jonah Hex reaction. [Multiple people laugh.]
elliott
									
Yeah. That’s true.
stuart
									
So, uh—Vin Diesel has a nightmare about… something or other. He punches the wall and then he’s like, wait, I can punch a wall? So he goes down to the basement and he starts punching the shit out of stuff and doing curls with the biggest weights.
crosstalk
									
Dan: Yeah. Elliott: Wait—
stuart
									
Exactly what we would all do if we got super-strength.
crosstalk
									
Elliott: This is the part where he’s—he’s— Dan: He was just punching the shit out of a load-bearing, uh—pillar.
elliott
									
He’s punching a support pillar until it’s cracking and the ceiling is dropping. And then he’s like—oh, maybe I shouldn’t do that? [Laughs.] [Dan laughs.]
griffin
									
But you guys are—are missing a very important detail. Which is—he is also laughing while doing this. It is a— [Multiple people laugh.] —an amazing touch that he thinks this is so much goddamn fun already.
crosstalk
									
Elliott and Stuart: Yeah.
crosstalk
									
Elliott: He—he’s— Stuart: So he then—
stuart
									
He then watches, uh, KT do some, uh, underwater Tai Chi. He’s very impressed. Uh, she… gives him this spiel and hands him a coin. Then she starts doing—
crosstalk
									
Stuart: —uh, drinking with him. Elliott: She hands him a—
elliott
									
She hands him a challenge coin. Which usually you’re given—you know what? I guess she’s giving it to him to like accept him as part of the group. Usually you get it for some sort of accomplishment. But she just kinda hands it to him. And that’s a big thing. Especially for these former military people. You don’t just go handing out challenge coins willy-nilly. So already you’re like, oh, this is pretty—this is pretty hardcore for people who just met that day and who—she doesn’t seem to like him very much until this moment.
stuart
									
Yeah. They’ve gone through some shit. The—uh—
griffin
									
It’s the ultimate peer-to-peer currency. And I also wanna point out that, uh, they start drinking together but it’s not just, oh, let me take a bottle down from the shelf. And we’ll have some drinks. She steps over to a table near the gym where she’s been swimming— [Stuart laughs.] —and there is a full display of multiple different liquors and spirits.
elliott
									
‘Cause they work hard and they play hard! And sometimes—sometimes it’s like The Prisoner—you go work for a workout. Someone tries to kill ya. You go to a bar. You realize you’ve been poisoned and you have to drink a little bit of every single drink there so you throw up the poison! It’s just like Patrick McGoohan!
crosstalk
									
Elliott: So like I guess that’s their setup for it. Stuart: So the—and this— Griffin: If there was a full bar at most gyms—
griffin
									
—I would be going to the gym on a regular basis. [Dan laughs. Elliott joins in.]
dan
									
And this was a very important point in the movie, too. Because this was the point in the movie when I googled “Can Wolverine get drunk.” ‘Cause, uh— [Griffin laughs.] It’ll, y’know, raised a lot of questions for me!
elliott
									
I mean, Wolverine—to—he—he has been drunk in the comics.
crosstalk
									
Dan: Yeah. Well, the—the answer I got— Stuart: Yeah. For me, this was the—
dan
									
—is that he needs to drink a lot more, of course, because of his healing powers.
stuart
									
This is the one part of the movie that I gotta—I gotta give it some shit, Griffin. I gotta call it out. Because… the reason they’re drinking is ‘cause she’s like—you lost your memory. You don’t remember what you like to drink. And I’m like—that man knows. He drinks fucking Corona, baby. [Multiple people laugh.]
griffin
									
Yep! No, I agree. I agree. [Dan laughs.]
griffin
									
It is actually a major logic flaw in the movie. I don’t like to point out plot holes, but that—that just— [Dan laughs.] —does not track for one second. He’s got Corona in his blood as much as he has nanites in his blood. You can’t pull that out of the man.
elliott
									
But we don’t have time to focus too much on what he likes to drink, because speakers that have not been set to any radio as far as we can tell start playing “Psycho Killer,” the song that was playing when he kills his wife. Or when his wife was killed. [Stuart laughs.] And—when he kills—well, I mean—you’ll see. But the—when he—
crosstalk
									
Elliott: When his wife was killed, and— Dan: It triggers him as—almost as if it is some kind of trigger! [Laughs.] Griffin: Yeah. A literal and figurative trigger. Elliott: [Laughs.] His memories come [inaudible] back.
elliott
									
And at no point is he like—wait a minute. Why did that speaker start playing a song? [Dan laughs.]
griffin
									
But this is once again, like, watching it the first time I was like—okay. This movie just wants to get through the beats as quickly as possible with zero elegance. I’m watching it the second time? I’m like, the transparency of… and now she’s finished her final line of dialogue so the music is gonna start playing randomly. It’s the same song that was playing. It’s—is chef’s kiss for me.
stuart
									
Yeah. So at this point, it—it triggers him. He has a flashback to his wife being murdered. He realizes that his wife’s been murdered by this guy, uh, what is his name? Maximillian Axe or something?
elliott
									
Uh, Martin Axe.
stuart
									
Martin Axe. I’m sorry. So he, uh—he—
elliott
									
I mean, Maximillian Axe is an amazing— [Dan laughs.] —name that they should’ve gone with.
dan
									
Yeah. Max Axe.
crosstalk
									
Stuart: So—Max Axe. So— Elliott: The guy they have playing him—
elliott
									
—is not cool enough to carry the name Maximillian Axe. [Dan laughs.]
stuart
									
He then walks to—he just walks with no security to the parking garage. Takes, of course, a pickup truck. Drives away. Doesn’t have to see security at all. Uh, he starts talking with Guy Pearce, who’s like—hey, you can’t leave! Like he’s talking to him through the nanites in his blood.
crosstalk
									
Stuart: They’re like— Griffin: You have speakerphone in your head.
stuart
									
Yeah. Basically. And he’s—this is one—this is one of my favorite bits in the movie, where… y’know, they’re doing a little bit of back-and-forth and Vin’s like, [tough voice] I just gotta kill the guy who killed my wife! [Regular voice] And Guy Pearce is like, no, you have to come back. He’s like, [tough voice] I always come home! [Regular voice] Which was a little bit of banter he did with his wife, but for Guy Pearce he’s like—wait. What?! [Laughs.] [Multiple people laugh.] Like—he uses banter that he does with his wife and Guy Pearce is like, uh, I’m not part of—this isn’t an inside joke for me, dude! I don’t listen to your podcast!
crosstalk
									
Elliott: But I like—it—if— Griffin: Yeah. It’s almost like—
griffin
									
—he’s reciting hacky action movie dialogue. A-wink-a-wink-a-wink! [Dan laughs.]
elliott
									
But I wish Guy Pearce had been like—uh, wait. This is just like a temporary residence. [Dan laughs.] Like, it’s not your home. Like, we’re gonna set you up with an apartment I guess. Like, this is—do you really think you live here now? Because we gotta—we’ve got fast turnaround. And Vin Diesel was like, no, man. This is my home now. I made it my own. I peed on everything. And Guy [though laughter] Pearce is like, why did you do that?
crosstalk
									
Griffin: But I also love— Stuart: So we—
griffin
									
I mean, sort of the self-aware brilliance. Guy Pearce plays this scene. You’re like, he’s not putting up enough of a fight? He’s not getting freaked out enough about the fact that this guy’s going rogue? Uh, because­—
elliott
									
And they—and they—
griffin
									
—he’s playing this scene like he has a hard out and they only have two takes to get it done and he’s just trying to do the bare minimum. [Multiple people laugh.]
elliott
									
Well and the—they’re—in retrospect, you know that they are putting on a little bit of an act. ‘Cause then the tech guy is like—oh my god. He’s download a million things a minute into his computer brain! In the way that people in worse movies are always stating out loud the thing they’re amazed at—
crosstalk
									
Elliott: —that someone else is doing. Griffin: Right. And the—
griffin
									
—tech guy is even more apathetic. Like, he can’t even find a take on his character. He is so dispassionate when he says, like, [in apathetic tone] “Sir, there are five vans following him.” Um, but—but also, it—there’s a great touch where Guy Pearce says, like—"Garrison, what are you doing?!” And then he turns around? There’s no response? And he goes to the tech guy and he’s like—is the mic on? And the guy’s like, no. And he’s like, Jesus Christ! Turn the mic on! And then he just does the line reading again? [Multiple people laugh.]
crosstalk
									
Dan: They should—to the fact that this is a little— Griffin: He says, “Eric, open a channel.” That’s what it is. Yeah. [Dan laughs.]
elliott
									
I would say that—this tech guy is one of the things that rubbed me more so the wrong way in this movie, y’know, once the twist and everything. Because he is such—because for all the things in the movie that seem to be cliché? For a purpose? He is just… cliché? And there’s a bit about how he has a small penis that seems totally unnecessary? [Dan laughs.]
crosstalk
									
Stuart: Not only that he has a small penis— Elliott: And makes him— [Laughs.] And it’s like—
stuart
									
—but he wants it enhanced—
crosstalk
									
Stuart: —by Guy Pearce. Griffin: He wants a robot penis. He wants a nanite penis. Elliott: Yeah. He’s about to ask—
elliott
									
He’s about to ask to have it enhanced. And it was like—did we really, like… is this really worth the movie—the runtime? [All laugh.]
dan
									
[Through laughter] I gotta say—
crosstalk
									
Dan: When they set up that joke— Elliott: Make fun of this nerd’s penis?
dan
									
I didn’t like it? But when they pay it off I kinda like it ‘cause Guy Pearce is so dismissive… while still, like… y’know, like, sort of like transmitting to the audience, like—he knows what this guy is secretly asking about? But he like just has no [though laughter] time for it? [Elliott laughs.]
crosstalk
									
Dan: So I kinda laughed at that. Stuart: Yeah!
crosstalk
									
Stuart: Well it’s—it’s like— Griffin: Well, also—
stuart
									
When—when you know your staff wants—has some kind of bullshit, uh, requests. And you’re like—well, I wanna make them say it out loud. [Laughs.] [Multiple people laugh.]
griffin
									
But—but also I—I would argue there’s a reading of this film in which that character—the tech guy—is the ultimate villain. Because he is the world’s most despicable person—a shitty writer. [Laughs.] [Multiple people laugh.] Who is just cashing in his checks.
elliott
									
Oh, yeah. Well he’s—he’s the one who—he’s just doing a job and he doesn’t care who gets hurt. But it just—there was just this moment of like—[resigned voice] okay. Yeah. The nerdy character has a small penis. I get it. Like, nobody else in the movie is held up to that kind of casual ridicule?
griffin
									
[Through laughter] Yeah.
elliott
									
Y’know? And considering there’s a super cool tech guy later on who—who helps the hero, it like just made it even more so—
crosstalk
									
Elliott: —like, oh, okay. This— Dan: So you’re offended—
dan
									
—on behalf of nerds, is what you’re saying.
crosstalk
									
Elliott: Yeah! Basically! Yeah! Stuart: Yeah. Dan: Okay.
elliott
									
Yeah. Nerds. The people and the candy!
crosstalk
									
Elliott: But Stuart, continue. What does he do next? Griffin: But one guy’s an artist—
griffin
									
—and the other guy is just like a hack fucking specs screenwriter. Y’know?
stuart
									
Yeah. Yeah.
crosstalk
									
Elliott: I mean, a specs— Stuart: So at this point—
elliott
									
A specs screenwriter’s doing it out of passion.
griffin
									
No. This guy’s writing specs just to be sold. You know what I’m saying? [Multiple people laugh.] He doesn’t even like them.
stuart
									
So at this point, uh… as we’ve already addressed, it seems like—
crosstalk
									
Stuart: —Uh, Bloodshot— Elliott: Oh, so you’re saying he’s Max Landis! Okay, never mind. Totally. Then I get it. Okay. Griffin: Exactly. Yeah. There ya go. Yep. Yep. Yep. Yep. Yep. Dan: Oh, god. Stuart: It is—it is— Elliott: I didn’t realize it was Max Landis.
elliott
									
Now I hate him. Tiny penis and all. [Griffin laughs.]
dan
									
Guys, guys, guys, guys we—we’re infuriating Stuart to—to unsustainable [though laughter] levels. [Multiple people laugh.] We’re interrupting his plot summary.
stuart
									
Uh—
crosstalk
									
Elliott: So Stuart— Stuart: So—
elliott
									
—he steals a plane, right?
stuart
									
Well, yeah. He steals a plane. He, uh—it seems like he has the ability to download information and skills directly to his brain. He teaches himself how to fly on the fly. [Multiple people laugh with varying degrees of sincerity or scorn.]
elliott
									
Oh, shit! [Laughs.]
stuart
									
He tracks—he tracks down, uh, Martin Axe. Uh, and he stages an ambush in a tunnel using a semi-truck filled with flour.
elliott
									
I have to admit, this sequence I found really confusing.
crosstalk
									
All: Uh—
stuart
									
What part about it? [Laughs.]
elliott
									
I mean, just—not the purpose of it or anything?
crosstalk
									
Elliott: But just like the actual [inaudible.] Griffin: The spatial geography. Yes. Elliott: The spatial geography. Dan: Can we—
elliott
									
I like—it was very hard for me to figure out who would—where he was and who was who and what and it was—it was a tough scene for me to—to—to figure out like moment by moment.
dan
									
Yes. I would like to talk a little bit about this insomuch as, like, I think that the film… looks good? Like… like… like, the vibe of it—like, it looks good? But in terms of the action sequences—other than the final action sequence—which I actually liked quite a bit—
elliott
									
The final one I thought was really good. Yeah.
dan
									
Um… it is… it does fall prey a lot to the problem of a lot of modern action sequences, where the fight choreography is not thought out particularly well. The… they’re trying to cut a lot to make it seem exciting. Which makes it… sort of confusing just about the spatial—like—like—this—this scene looks great ‘cause you’re in this like tunnel with all this, like, flour around like snow.
crosstalk
									
Dan: And there’s a— Griffin: And it’s lit only by—
griffin
									
—like, road flares!
crosstalk
									
Griffin: It’s red lights and flour. Dan: Yeah! It’s emergency lights. Yeah. It looks great. Elliott: Headlights! Stuart: Yeah, yeah, yeah. It’s like, uh—
stuart
									
It’s like, uh, like a samurai movie. With like… blood falling on the snow. Um—
dan
									
Yeah. Well this director—by the—I just wanted to say. Like, his job before this, like he—he is—he has one TV credit. One episode of television. But otherwise he is the video game director of cutscenes. So…
stuart
									
Oh, okay.
dan
									
Do with that as you may.
griffin
									
He comes from the same company as—
elliott
									
Wait, wait, Dan. What—what—what can I do with that? [Griffin laughs.]
dan
									
Uh… y’know… you—
elliott
									
You said do with it as I may! I don’t even know where to begin with—
crosstalk
									
Stuart: He said—tell it to the Marines, maybe? Dan: [Through laughter] You can file it away— Elliott: —what I can do.
dan
									
—and then on some, uh, some holiday, uh… y’know, like, deep into the future—perhaps a birthday? Y’know? Like, you can sort of, like… pull it out. Y’know. Ponder it. For a moment. Think about the time that’s passed since we had this conversation. And then put it back into the old memory bank! [Laughs.]
elliott
									
[Through laughter] Sweet. Okay. Griffin. What were you gonna say? I will do that, Dan. Thank you. [Dan laughs.]
griffin
									
This guy comes from the same—he might’ve even been a cofounder of the same video game cutscene-slash-special-effects house that… the Deadpool guy came from and the Sonic the Hedgehog movie came from.
crosstalk
									
Dan: Oh, wow! Stuart: Ohhh! Okay.
griffin
									
So they are like the new film brats. Taking over the industry. Except instead of all having the same alma mater that they went to for film school, they all worked on the same video cut scenes together. Um, I do like though—even though… I think—I—I agree that the choreography is not great. And it’s a little incomprehensible. I like that Bloodshot has to function as, like… his own… art director and his own, like, gaffer? Like, he’s setting up good lighting. And like good— [Multiple people laugh.] —at most for his fight scenes?
stuart
									
And I like that—I like that all the fight scenes in this movie look different.
crosstalk
									
Elliott: Yeah! Griffin: Yes.
stuart
									
Like, they’re distinct, different things. Like, there is some thought being put into that.
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Oh, oh! Then you—then you go and then I’ll go last. You go and then I’ll go last.
griffin
									
Boy. If—if—I can alley-oop off of, uh, what—what Stuart likes, uh… I’m gonna recommend a movie that, uh, by chance already came up in this conversation. Uh, Universal Soldier: Day of Reckoning. The fourth, uh…
stuart
									
Yeahhh!
griffin
									
Universal Soldier movie; the second direct-to-video one. Uh, with Scott Adkins, kind of VOD action. Uh, it is a movie that is very, very similar to Bloodshot in a lot of ways? Uh… in certain countries and on certain platforms it seems to have been retitled Universal Soldier: A New Dimension now? So if you’re looking for it, that’s the same movie? Uh… but it’s similarly about, uh, memories and, uh… uh, someone who has sort of been programmed to be in an action movie. Um… and is—is the kind of movie that you should be comparing Bloodshot to. And not, uh, Iron Man.
stuart
									
Yeah. Yeah. And it—it also has a little bit of the same meta-commentary. ‘Cause it has Van Damme as this ageing star and Dolph Lundgren as this ageing guy, both of whom are like… Van Damme gives his best, like, Colonel Kurtz impression in [though laughter] this movie. [Laughs.]
elliott
									
Uh… I’m gonna recommend a movie that, uh, similarly also to these—if you like the kinds of things that I like, then you might like it! I’m gonna recommend—this is a Western called Doc from 1971. It’s about Doc Holliday and is meant to be a kind of like… gritty, uh, anti-heroic retelling of the gunfight at the O.K. Corral. And stars Stacy Keach as Doc Holliday; Faye Dunaway, uh, plays Kate, and, uh, Harris Yulin plays Wyatt Earp. Harris Yulin, you may remember best as the judge who put away the Scoleri brothers in Ghostbusters 2, among other things? [Multiple people laugh.] Uh, and he’s really—
stuart
									
But he gave them the [though laughter] chair! [Multiple people laugh.]
elliott
									
And, uh, he’s—they’re—they’re, uh… it’s a real, like, it’s a movie that I was not super familiar with? It’s directed by… Frank Perry, who directed like, uh, The Swimmer and Mommy Dearest and Diary of a Mad Housewife? This guy who had this very… uh… idiosyncratic career. And… uh… it’s—and it was written by Pete Hamill, the, uh, the, like, newspaper columnist and memoir writer. And it manages to… sometimes be a little too, like… super-grit for its own good? And that characters call each other like “bitch” out of nowhere and stuff like that? [Stuart laughs.] But it’s such a… strangely, like… low-key and yet tense and… at times very exciting and at times very, like… touching story about a guy who is now… trapped in a life that he can’t seem to get out of. And also the breakdown in a friendship between Doc Holliday and Wyatt Earp and things like that. And, uh, they’re all really great in it. And I really liked it a lot. It’s a movie that I was not familiar with before? And I—when I walked away from it, being like, oh, I’m surprised I haven’t heard more about this! So that’s Doc. Starring Stacy Keach, Faye Dunaway, and of course—Harris Yulin.
stuart
									
Cool! Four recommendations! Plus Bloodshot!
dan
									
[Through laughter] Yup. [Elliott laughs.] Uh… okay. Well this is the point in the podcast where we normally we’d just be like, y’know, go out and spread the word of The Flop House, but I think that—at least for the duration of the, um… of the pandemic we wanna more spread the message of… take care of yourselves? Uh, if you’re in a place where you have the emotional and/or money resources to take care of others? Uh, we would encourage you to do that as well. Um… y’know. We’re glad that we can provide whatever [though laughter] service we ever provide to anyone during this time. And, uh… we want you all to be well. Uh… and that’s what I have to say about that.
stuart
									
Mm-hm.
dan
									
We got a lot of nodding from everyone else. A lot of empathetic nodding.
stuart
									
I—I mentioned before, but I—I’d been pretty sick with symptoms, uh… matching the COVID-19, uh, and… I am feeling almost 100% better. And I feel very lucky that I’ve been able to isolate and… and get healthy again.
dan
									
Yeah.
stuart
									
If anybody was worried about me.
crosstalk
									
Dan: No, I feel— Elliott: Yes. I was.
dan
									
I feel very lucky that you have been able to [though laughter] get healthy again, Stuart.
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Elliott: So if anyone— Stuart: You coulda found a new Stuart.
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Dan: No! I love you, Stuart! Stuart: We—we’re—
elliott
									
I mean, Griffin seems to like a lot of the same stuff that you do, so I don’t know. It’s—
stuart
									
Yeah, yeah, yeah!
griffin
									
Well, I don’t— [Multiple people laugh.]
crosstalk
									
Dan: It’s more of a two Elliotts situation. [Laughs.] Elliott: Uh, anyone—
dan
									
To have Griffin join the— [Multiple people laugh.]
elliott
									
You mean heaven? You mean the definition of heaven on earth? Yeah. Sure. It is. [Multiple people laugh.] Uh—
crosstalk
									
Elliott: To all of our— Dan: I would never talk again. [Laughs.]
elliott
									
To all of our listeners, we hope you’re healthy. We hope the people in your lives are healthy. If you’re not doing well right now we hope you are through it and feeling better soon. Uh, and what Dan said! Do what you can to help other people and otherwise, uh, please take care of yourself. And… uh… as, uh, my—my friend Jenny Jaffe has said to me, uh, let’s not all—for any of the creative types listening out there, let’s not all feel bad if at the end of this we haven’t written the Great American Novel? With this time we supposedly have on our hands? [Multiple people laugh.] Job one is just taking care of ourselves and take caring of each other and—
crosstalk
									
Elliott: —let’s be good to ourselves. Stuart: While she’s busy being on the fucking front page of Reddit. Right? [Laughs.]
dan
									
I do not—
elliott
									
What was that? I don’t know about that.
crosstalk
									
Elliott: Oh, about— Dan: I do not have the focus—
dan
									
—to read a novel [though laughter] during this time, let alone… write one. So. Um—
elliott
									
But you’ve been doing a lot of dress-up, right? [Dan laughs.]
dan
									
Been doing a lot of—Elliott, you made fun of that earlier. I mean, like, that is the level of distraction. [Laughs.] [Elliott laughs.] I need during this—uh…I’ve—
elliott
									
I was only making fun of it in terms of that—you sent us the letter questions this morning. [Dan laughs.] Uh—right? Uh, when I was like, oh, he seems to have [though laughter] a lot of time on his hands. [Laughs.]
dan
									
[Through laughter] Don’t think that’s a coronavirus thing. But uh. [Laughs.]
elliott
									
No, no.
dan
									
Um—
stuart
									
Uh—now that we have elected to not promote ourselves, Griffin, do you have anything you wanna plug or promote? [Laughs.]
griffin
									
Uh, yeah! I mean, I’m definitely gonna plug, uh, taking care of yourself and taking care of others in this weird time. That’s my primary plug.
stuart
									
Oh, brave! Oh, brave!
griffin
									
I’m gonna second that from all of you guys. Um—
elliott
									
Oh, what a hero!
griffin
									
And then, uh, Blank Check podcast, uh, my podcast with David Simms, who’s a critic for The Atlantic, uh, which all three of you have been on. Uh…
crosstalk
									
Griffin: We discussed The Manchurian Candidate remake. Stuart: Yeah. That’s a—it’s like—
elliott
									
Yeah.
stuart
									
Yeah. It’s the Cadillac of movie podcasts.
griffin
									
Oh, no. I don’t—I don’t actually—don’t know enough about cars to figure out what we are. [Multiple people laugh.]
elliott
									
It’s the—I feel like if—the—the Blank Check podcast is kind of like The Flop House if we knew what we were doing and put work into it. [All laugh.] Like—if we were any good at this and also were better at it.
crosstalk
									
Elliott: Then it would be Blank Check. Dan: But also, I think you can—
dan
									
—vaguely map our personalities [though laughter] onto the Blank Check personalities?
griffin
									
Totally. Totally.
dan
									
So if you like this [though laughter] show you’d like that show as well.
crosstalk
									
Griffin: It was a—it was a shame our— Elliott: Just when you—if you—when you—
griffin
									
Our producer, Ben, was not there when you guys recorded. And that’s a pretty clean mapping of three onto three.
dan
									
Yeah. [Stuart laughs.]
elliott
									
My only request is that listeners from this podcast—go listen to Blank Check podcast, but come back and also listen to our show.
griffin
									
Gotta listen to both!
crosstalk
									
Griffin: You gotta! Elliott: Don’t feel like—
elliott
									
—your needs are being met— [Dan laughs.] —just by the other one. ‘Cause I know how—I know what the feeling’s gonna be.
dan
									
You know, take the favorite one. You don’t have to tell us which one you like better. We would prefer not.
griffin
									
Keep it in your heart. Yeah.
dan
									
But think of the other one as methadone— [Laughs.] For the—the one you like the best!
stuart
									
No, just—just—you can fit both of ‘em in your life. Just put ‘em on two-times speed and have your brain leak out of your nose when Elliott talks. [Elliott laughs.]
griffin
									
You’re—you’re not taking it to get high anymore! You’re just taking it to stay even. Y’know?
elliott
									
Yeah, yeah. Just to reach zero!
crosstalk
									
Elliott: Just to reach level! Griffin: And I also—I—I wanna—
griffin
									
—promote very relevant topical—thank you for reminding me, uh, Dan—I’m doing a weekly Instagram, uh, Live show with my younger sister. Uh, called Meryl & Vin, where she picks a Meryl Streep movie and I pick a Vin Diesel movie, uh, our two favorite movie stars respectively, and we compare them. So I’m doing that every Monday night at 9PM Eastern Standard Time, but then it stays up online for I think 24 hours afterwards.
dan
									
Uh—
elliott
									
So what movies—what movies have you done so far?
griffin
									
Uh, we—we just started it. We did it—the first installment was Bloodshot, uh, versus Mamma Mia 2: Here We Go Again— [Elliott laughs.] —but that was before we figured out how to save the video? So this remains my only record of, uh, Bloodshot opinions. So you guys have the exclusive. Um—
crosstalk
									
Elliott: Oh, good. I was worried we got scooped! Stuart: Oh, cool! Griffin: And then—
griffin
									
—week two was Babylon AD versus The Hours? [Dan laughs.]
crosstalk
									
Griffin: Uh… now I don’t—I— Stuart: Wow. That was a while. Dan: Now, is Babylon AD—
dan
									
—was that our lost episode?
crosstalk
									
Dan: I think— Stuart: Yeah. Famous— Elliott: That was our lost episode. Yeah. Griffin: Really? Dan: Yeah. Stuart: Babylon babies!
elliott
									
We recorded it and then somehow it disappeared. So.
griffin
									
Well, that’s pretty perfect! ‘Cause that movie, uh, pretty much doesn’t exist. [All laugh.]
dan
									
Yeah.
stuart
									
Yeah. I, uh, I’m eager for you to do the A Man Apart, uh, I don’t know, Ricki and the Flash combo? [Laughs.]
crosstalk
									
Griffin: Yes. I—I—think— Elliott: Mm-hm. Sure.
griffin
									
A Man Apart is gonna be this week at the time that we are recording because that is, uh, a Babylon AD, Man Apart, and Knockaround Guys, are the only Vin Diesel movies I have not seen before. Uh—
crosstalk
									
Stuart: Oh, cool! Griffin: So I’m trying to—
griffin
									
—fill in the blind spots before I go in to rewatching everything. [Stuart laughs.]
dan
									
I think I may have seen Knockaround Guys and remember nothing about it. Uh… as, I think most of America!
griffin
									
Yeah.
dan
									
Feels about Knockaround Guys.
elliott
									
Most of America saw Knockaround Guys—
crosstalk
									
Elliott: —and doesn’t remember it. That’s why it was the single— Dan: [Through laughter] They totally did. Well, it was— Griffin: And forgot!
elliott
									
—most profitable movie— [Dan laughs.] —in the history of film. [Stuart laughs.]
dan
									
[Through laughter] It was sent out with the census forms. [Laughs.] A DVD of Knockaround Guys. [Multiple people laugh.]
elliott
									
[Laughs.] They said—they said, please classify your ethnicity, uh, and how many people are in your household. What did you think about Knockaround Guys?
crosstalk
									
Dan: Yeah. Which of the Knockaround Guys do you identify with? [Laughs.] Griffin: Mandatory font. Yeah.
griffin
									
It was like Coupon: The Movie. [Elliott laughs.]
dan
									
[Laughs.] Alright. Well, thank you, Griffin, for being here. I think that we can say that this movie—or this movie. This podcast was 100% better having the world’s, uh, most, foremost, and funniest Vin Diesel fan [though laughter] on to talk about it.
griffin
									
My pleasure. And no title I will wear with more honor than the ones you just assigned to me. [Multiple people laugh.]
dan
									
So, uh, until next time—I’ve been Dan McCoy.
stuart
									
I’m Stuart Wellington!
elliott
									
I’m Elliott Kalan! [Extra-long pause.]
dan
									
And Griffin—
crosstalk
									
Dan: —is looking— Griffin: Oh! I didn’t know I was supposed to say my name! [Elliott laughs.]
griffin
									
I’m sorry! I’m Griffin Newman!
crosstalk
									
Dan: That’s— Stuart: Okay! Byeeee!
dan
									
Byeee! [Elliott laughs.]
elliott
									
So long!
griffin
									
Bye.
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Light, up-tempo, electric guitar with synth instruments plays at full volume, then recedes into the background as Elliott speaks.
elliott
									
Bloodshot. Yes. Now Dan, something I do often is I have notes—I have a rundown of the episode on my computer. And I have the name— [Stuart laughs.] —of the movie on there. [Stuart laughs.]
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speaker 1
									
MaximumFun.org.
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Comedy and culture.
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Artist owned—
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—Audience supported.
About the show

The Flop House is a bimonthly audio podcast devoted to the worst in recent film. Your hosts (Elliott Kalan, Dan McCoy, and Stuart Wellington) watch a questionable film just before each episode, and then engage in an unscripted, slightly inebriated discussion, focusing on the movie’s shortcomings and occasional delights.
Follow @flophousepod on Twitter and @theflophousepodcast on Instagram. Email them at theflophousepodcast@gmail.com.