TRANSCRIPT Ep. 296: Slender Man

Transcript

stuart
									
On this episode we discuss Slenderman! Don’t worry—the plot is a little… thin?! [Giggles.]
music
									
Light, up-tempo, electric guitar with synth instruments. Plays for several moments, then ends.
dan mccoy
									
Hey, everyone, and welcome to The Flop House! I’m Dan McCoy.
stuart wellington
									
Hey, I’m Stuart Wellington!
elliott kalan
									
And over here, it’s Elliott Kalan! And I can see my cohosts right in front of me, in person! What’s this all about?
dan
									
And what’s the improved sound quality about? What’s that all about?
elliott
									
Yeah! It’s almost like we’re in an actual recording studio! Stuart, are we in an actual recording studio?
stuart
									
Elliott, yes, we are! Dan, where are we? [Dan laughs.]
dan
									
[Through laughter] We’re in Max Fun HQ. This is, uh, recorded right after—the day after our LA show?
crosstalk
									
Dan: Which, uh, you’ll hear—years from now. Okay. Stuart: I mean, normally when you’re—sorry to interrupt, but normally when you—sorry to interrupt, but normally when you, uh—
elliott
									
There’s suddenly more interruptions somehow, even though we’re all in the same room! [Dan laughs.]
crosstalk
									
Dan: Seems like— Stuart: Sorry, uh—
stuart
									
Sorry to interrupt, but, uh, when you’re playing a game of hot potato, Dan you gotta keep moving that hot potato.
crosstalk
									
Stuart: I pass it to you so—it’s fine. Now, let’s get to business. Dan: Okay. Okay, uh, well I was—okay— Elliott: Dan, I’ll just say it.
elliott
									
Max H—Max Fun HQ—our Max Head-Krum, as it’s also known— [Dan laughs.]
dan
									
Uh—[through laughter] I forget what I was gonna sa—oh, you know. We just thought, why not do it—
crosstalk
									
Dan: —right for once. Elliott: Okay, so—we—we were—
elliott
									
—recording a show in Los Angeles— [Stuart laughs; Dan assents.] —we did a live show last night, and so now we’re recording it at MaxFun headquarters ‘cause we’re all in the same city. [Stuart and Dan assent.] Here in the beautiful American cement building right next to beautiful McArthur Park, where yesterday, we saw a pair of ducks— [Stuart laughs.] —eating a baby! Or whatever Jesse says at the end of Bullseye. [Dan and Stuart both laugh.]
dan
									
Yup. [Laughs.]
elliott
									
Remember—every radio star has a signature start-off or whatever.
dan
									
Nope. [Laughs.]
elliott
									
It’s the opposite of what he says, I guess.
dan
									
Yeah. [Laughs.] Okay. Well… I guess… that—that’s good for the Venn diagram of people who listen to us and Bullseye, but not the rest of the audience.
elliott
									
You’re right, Dan. We’re usually pretty good about making jokes only— [Stuart laughs.] —the general populace and [through laughter] who— [Dan and Stuart laugh.] —who will not feel excluded from.
stuart
									
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Only, uh, you know, only the broadest of comedy.
dan
									
Guys, what month is it?
stuart
									
[Sighs, then speaks in an annoyed tone.] I don’t know, Dan. What month is it?
elliott
									
It’s so month! [Stuart laughs.] In a way that—is that what you’re going for?
dan
									
It’s Shocktoberrrrr!
stuart
									
Oh, okay. [Laughs.] [Elliott and Dan laugh.]
dan
									
[Through laughter] Where we—watch horror movies.
stuart
									
Yeah?
crosstalk
									
Dan: For this podcast that we do. Elliott: Well, ‘cause what do we do on this podcast, Dan?
elliott
									
I feel like you went to chapter three and—when you skipped chapter two!
stuart
									
Well, you gotta make sure the book’s good, dude! [Laughs.] [Elliott laughs.]
dan
									
I think somehow the professionalism of our environment is bringing our [through laughter] professionalism down.
elliott
									
I think so. Yeah, we keep waiting for the real hosts to come in. [Dan assents.] Speaking of hosts, on this show, that’s us—what do we do on this show as the hosts? [Dan chuckles, then coughs.] [Stuart and Elliott both break into wild laughter.]
dan
									
Perfect! [Clears throat.] You threw it to me right when a cough came on.
elliott
									
Jordan, do not cut that out! [Dan and Stuart laugh.] Please, keep that in. So Dan—take four, I think—what do we do on this podcast?
dan
									
We watch a bad movie and then we talk about it.
elliott
									
And what month is it?
dan
									
It’s Shocktober, when we watch horror movies in honor of the [spooky voice] spooookiest [regular voice] month of the year.
elliott
									
Now, what makes October so spooky?
stuart
									
Yeah.
dan
									
Um…
stuart
									
Uh, I think it’s ‘cause, uh, you just start going back to school and you got this mountain of homework— [Dan assents.] —and you also have to—also have to manage that with your, uh, your extracurriculars?
dan
									
There are all those leaves you have to rake? [Elliott assents.] And they’re dead and so you have ghost leaves all around you?
elliott
									
Yeah. The ghost leaves are hanging on the trees. [Dan and Stuart agree.] Yeah, of course. That makes sense. Also, you gotta wear a jacket. And what’s scarier than that? Having to wear a lightweight jacket?
stuart
									
That is—that was my favorite thing about Trick-or-Treating in the Midwest. Was, uh—[through laughter] was no matter what, I was a—I had to, like, prepare for [through laughter] co—cold weather.
elliott
									
Yeah.
dan
									
So you were a ghost wearing a jacket, is what you’re saying.
stuart
									
Yeah. I think I stole that from somebody on Twitter. I’m sorry.
elliott
									
Yeah, but the person on Twitter was doing—uh—I hope un—unwittingly, a Jerry Seinfeld joke from about 15 years ago. So.
stuart
									
Okay. So, yeah! Like—I—uh, you know, I stole from somebody. Um—
elliott
									
Look, we’re all stealing from somebody. [Stuart assents.] We—man stole fire from the gods! [Dan laughs wildly.] When Prometheus gave it to us—
crosstalk
									
Stuart: I mean, when you’re—you’re blaming— Dan: I’m stealing from my local bank! [Laughs.] What? [Laughs.] Elliott: What? [Laughs.]
elliott
									
[Through laughter] Hold on.
stuart
									
Wait. So wait. Did— [Dan giggles.] —was Prometheus involved with your bank, too?
elliott
									
[Laughs.] Yeah, he—he banks with Prometheus Bank.
stuart
									
[Through laughter] Oh, wow.
elliott
									
Where he takes gold from Zeus and gives it to customers!
dan
									
Uh… Stuart’s been staring at his notes for [through laughter] a while. I think he’s raring to go.
stuart
									
Oh, no. I’m—uh, I’m just scrolling through Instagram right now. Oh, okay. Another post from Dan, huh. Cool.
elliott
									
[Laughs.] Re—while he’s hosting the show. Amazing. [Dan and Stuart laugh.]
dan
									
What?
elliott
									
Okay, so.
stuart
									
So tonight, if you, uh—
dan
									
Tonight? [Laughs.]
stuart
									
Toni—I—I’ve—figured I’d set the mood ‘cause it’s a spooky show.
elliott
									
Yeah, it’s less scary if people know that it’s 1:45 PM where we are right now. [Dan chuckles.]
stuart
									
Uh, so tonight we’re gonna be talking about a little movie called Slenderman.
elliott
									
A very little movie.
stuart
									
Um… very… skinny. [Laughs.] [Elliott and Dan laugh appreciatively.] Okay, just kidding. It’s a normal movie. Uh, but it— [Elliott bursts out laughing.] —y’know, does feel kind of slim.
elliott
									
[Through laughter] It’s a normal movie. [Dan and Elliott laugh.]
stuart
									
So—
crosstalk
									
Dan: Such as you might find at your local Redbox. Elliott: It—
elliott
									
It’s not like those scenes in, uh… what’s that show with Julia Roberts where it’s about the returning veterans?
crosstalk
									
Elliott: Where some of the scenes— Stuart: Homecoming?
elliott
									
Homecoming, where some of the scenes are shot with a—in a narrow aspect ratio. It’s not like that.
stuart
									
Uh… wait, what? [Dan giggles.]
elliott
									
Forget it. Never mind.
stuart
									
Okay. So—
elliott
									
Not worth it.
stuart
									
Um—[laughs.] So, just to let everybody know, uh, up front that I watched this movie on a MacBook Slim. [Laughs.] [Elliott giggles.] [Through laughter] In honor of the movie. [Laughs.]
crosstalk
									
Stuart: Oh, man. Elliott: [Through laughter] And it was—you were liter—and— Dan: [Through laughter] Was it that, or was it because you were on a plane watching it?
stuart
									
I was on a plane.
elliott
									
And you were on that plane with Fatboy Slim. [Laughs.] [Stuart bursts into laughter; Dan chuckles.]
stuart
									
[Through laughter] Yeah.
elliott
									
Former recording star.
dan
									
[Through laughter] I thought he was fucking in heaven?
elliott
									
Uh, yeah! On a plane!
dan
									
Okay.
stuart
									
Okay. So. The movie opens and we are introduced to a group of teen girls in Small Town, USA. I am not sure if it’s mentioned later, but is it—are we in, like, New Jersey? Did they say Clifton a couple times?
elliott
									
I—guys, I couldn’t keep track of where the movie took place. I couldn’t keep track of who the characters were or what their names were.
crosstalk
									
Dan: The characters were pretty damn interchangeable. Stuart: Okay, well there’s—their names are—
stuart
									
Hallie, Chloe, Wren—like the bird—and Katie—like the person. [Laughs.]
elliott
									
Not—it’s not “Wren” like the cartoon dog.
crosstalk
									
Dan: The only— Stuart: Not like Wren the cartoon dog. Unless the subtitles were incorrect on my version of the movie. Elliott: They weren’t—they weren’t, like, guys, we gotta—
elliott
									
No, I think—‘cause it—I don’t remember any scenes where they’re like, we should call up Slenderman. And he’s like, [sinister voice] nooo, why would you do that? [Dan and Stuart laugh.]
stuart
									
[Laughs.] Oh, wow.
dan
									
I sort of—uh— [Stuart and Elliott laugh.]
stuart
									
[Through laughter] You been working on that one in—in advance of the podcast?
elliott
									
Uh, not really.
dan
									
I actually—I told them apart by being, like, okay, there’s the one that’s a little punkier than the others. Then there’s the one who is played by one of the girls from Bunheads, starring Sutton Foster.
crosstalk
									
Elliott: I haven’t seen Bunheads. Dan: And then there are the two others!
elliott
									
Okay. I—I spent so much time be—there’d be, like, we gotta find Hallie! Where’s Kelly? I was like, wait, I thought that was Kelly. [Stuart laughs.] Hold on a second! Which one is Wren? I just couldn’t—I could—it took me a long time to get their names straight.
stuart
									
Yep. That’s when the nightmare is completely engulfed you. So, uh, we see our, uh, our friends walking through school— [Elliott laughs.]
elliott
									
[Through laughter] They’re our friends? [Laughs.] [Stuart and Dan laugh.]
stuart
									
Yeah, they’re our friends, immediately! They’re great! So they’re walking through school and they’re having that conversation that, like, all teen kids have in this kind of movie when you know they’re doomed, where [through laughter] they’re like, “We’re gonna live forever!” I think their—the game is, if you could be any age forever, what age would you be? And of course, they’re like, I would be 21! Or I’d be 30! [Through laughter] And then one—one of them says—I’d be the age we are right now. [Laughs.] [Elliott laughs.] That allows you to assume what—uh—age they’re talking about. Um—
elliott
									
And then Bruce Springsteen pops in and plays “Glory Days”?
stuart
									
They bump into a group of a group of teen boys that are kinda like the Omega to their Alpha? [Elliott laughs.] They’re the exact pairings of each of them. Um—
dan
									
And… they—unless I’m wrong, basically do not reappear in the movie. Like, they—
crosstalk
									
Dan: —pop in, like— Elliott: One of them does. Stuart: Well, Tom shows back up. Dan: Yeah.
elliott
									
Tom—Tom—play—is as rich a secondary character as exists in this film.
dan
									
Mm-hm. Yeah.
stuart
									
Yeah! I’m such a fan, I joined the Tom Tom Club! [Laughs.] [Elliott laughs.]
dan
									
Okay, well. You’re a genius of love!
elliott
									
And how do you—how do you join— [Dan laughs.] —how do you become a member of the Tom Tom Club?
dan
									
[Through laughter] Well—well, you gotta collect a whole bunch of box tops and Marlboro miles and you send ‘em in. [Laughs.]
elliott
									
It helps if you have a pretty bitter relationship with David Byrne. [Dan laughs.]
stuart
									
So, these teen boys, uh, we get a little bit of, like, you know, friendly verbal sparring. Uh—
crosstalk
									
Stuart: I think our— Elliott: It’s basically—
elliott
									
—a non-singing version of the, uh, Top That! scene in Teen Witch. [Laughs.]
stuart
									
Exactly. And—and—Hallie, our heroine, uh, is asking Tom about what they’re gonna be doing later and he’s like, it’s a secret. [Dan laughs.] And if I told you this secret, I could tell it to you but I’d have to kill you. And I’m like, that’s a weird thing to say when you consider this is a movie about people seeing a secret thing and getting killed. Uh—
elliott
									
I don’t know the characters know that at this point, though.
stuart
									
Uh, I mean, it’s similar—it’s that kind of irony where, like—or it’s like when the narrative—the metaphor of the narrative kind of bleeds into the story itself? Like, in the opening, uh, opening chapter of Ulysses, where Buck Mulligan is holding this, like, silver cigarette case, and there’s an emerald in the middle of it and it’s a symbol of, like, uh, this English man holding Ireland in the palm of his hand. You know. You know what I’m talking about.
elliott
									
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Exactly. Sure. Dan, I have never read Ulysses. [Dan and Stuart laugh.]
crosstalk
									
Stuart: So— Dan: Why would you? [Stuart and Dan laugh.]
elliott
									
I don’t know. I heard it’s pretty goo—it’s—Stuart sounded—I heard there’s a guy in it who has a cigarette case—
crosstalk
									
Elliott: That sounds pretty int— Stuart: I think his name’s—
stuart
									
—[through laughter] Buck Mulligan [inaudible].
elliott
									
Yeah, so he’s, like, a porn star, probably? [Dan and Stuart laugh.] Probably, or a famous golfer. [Laughs.]
stuart
									
I mean, he—I think he begins, like, wearing a bathrobe. Like, he opens the—eh, whatever. Okay.
crosstalk
									
Stuart: So, uh— Elliott: Okay. Dan, you know—
elliott
									
—I love stories about people who wear bathrobes. [Dan and Stuart laugh.] It’s why—I’ve never been a reader of Playboy, but I followed Hugh Hefner’s exploits, ‘cause I admire that he always wore a bathrobe all the time.
stuart
									
Uh—so—
dan
									
Comfort first! [Elliott laughs.]
stuart
									
We get some scenes of home life. Uh… Hallie’s parents are concerned about—we get some, like, concerns about teen pregnancy or teen—teen partying?
elliott
									
Like in many movies, their dining room table is extremely dimly lit, and they only have one light that’s on above the table. The kitchen—that I assume is next to the dining room area—completely dark. [Someone laughs.] As if they have everything they need on the table, and they will not need to get up and get anything from the kitchen. Which—I don’t know about you guys—is a very unrealistic depiction of dinner.
crosstalk
									
Elliott: In my vie—in my book. Stuart: [Through laughter] Yeah, yeah, yeah.
stuart
									
Like, I feel like any moment, like, a naked Axl Rose could wander in— [Elliott laughs.] —off of the set of—what was that—“Don’t Cry”? [Laughs.] Um, okay. So. We’re also introduced to Hallie’s younger sister, Lizzie, who clearly wants to join in with the older girls who only seem slightly older than she is. Uh, the t—
elliott
									
I actually thought they were the same age for a little bit.
dan
									
And Wren’s the one who kinda like encourages a little bit? I mean, like, it’s not—
stuart
									
Yeah!
dan
									
—her sister, but she’s like… yeah, you’re a—y’know, she wants to be the cool, like, older friend.
elliott
									
Yeah.
stuart
									
Um, and, uh… Wren and all the—all—all of our, uh, all of our friends—I spent the whole time trying to remember what other things that I’ve seen these young women in. And they’ve all been in a number of other shows.
elliott
									
Oh, yeah.
dan
									
I wanted to say, uh, in this early going, um—I mean, there are few things I liked about this movie? To spoil it, like… which—which are surrounded by, like, some of the most, sort of, generic horror-movie filmmaking, but—
elliott
									
I mean, this movie does feel like it is the horror movie demo that comes with your DVD player? [Dan laughs.] Where it’s like, does your TV work for horrow—hurr-horrow? [Dan and Stuart laugh.] Does it work for horrow also? Does it work for horror? ‘Cause it—well, let’s try it out with this—with this disk. I, yeah, I guess it meets the minimum national requirements for horror.
dan
									
But uh, in these early scenes, I kinda liked—despite the fact that the movie’s very bad at differentiating this characters, like we’ve said—I did feel like the movie had this kind of weird… [long pause] semi-verite mumblecore thing going on where, like, it was shot in a slightly different way, like, following—
crosstalk
									
Dan: —these kids than a generic… teen… Elliott: It’s a very—it’s a very quiet, subdued—
elliott
									
It’s like, if eighth grade was a horror movie at times?
dan
									
Yeah.
elliott
									
Like, a quiet, subdued—as opposed to like, [determined voice] guys. We’ve gotta do this thing! Come on, Hallie! That would be crazy!
crosstalk
									
Elliott: Like, it’s not— Dan: Yeah. It’s—
dan
									
—not super glossy and fake. Like, it seems like maybe some of the—
elliott
									
[High-pitched note indicating dissent] It feels pretty fake.
dan
									
Well, but it seems like some of the dialogue might be, like, semi-improvised and, like, they have, like a good rapport with e—I don’t know. I’m—I’m looking for gems in the—in the—in the chaff, but—or but—but—
crosstalk
									
Dan: I feel like— [Coughs.] Elliott: Gems in it—what—who threw those gems in the chaff? [Dan and Stuart laugh boisterously.]
dan
									
[Through laughter] But—I’m just saying that—
elliott
									
[Through laughter] Dan, you’re working on some sort of farming mine? [Stuart laughs.]
dan
									
If the script had been better—
crosstalk
									
Dan: —the style— Stuart: Well, he’s stolen the—he’s stolen the gems from the Duke’s men. [All three laugh.]
stuart
									
He’s gonna return for them later.
dan
									
I’m just saying, if the script had been better, this style of doing a horror movie would’ve been interesting. It’s something that I haven’t really seen for this kind of teen horror movie.
elliott
									
Yeah. Like a teen mumblecore horror movie. Yeah. Whereas, it—but there’s just not—there’s nothing really going on. So at times it—so what should have been, like, a kind of endearing subtlety?
dan
									
Yeah.
elliott
									
Becomes, like—uhhh, so is this a movie?
stuart
									
What—what—what happens next? I’m not sure!
elliott
									
It’s—it’s like the boyhood of horror movies. Where you’re like, uh, am I—so is this a scene, or— [Dan chuckles.] —like, I don’t understand.
dan
									
Yeah. I agree with you about boyhood, but we are not endearing ourselves to, like, the larger, uh… audience right now.
elliott
									
Hey. I don’t—I don’t wanna be popular, I just wanna be me. But I also wanna be popular. Guys, do I feel like boyhood, to be liked? [Dan and Stuart chuckle.] It’s great! I love it, I guess!
stuart
									
I don’t… think so…
elliott
									
No, no, everybody’s talking about it all the time, according to Dan. [Dan chuckles.]
stuart
									
People are big fans of stunt casting and Ethan Hawke performed? Well, I mean, I guess I am a fan of Ethan Hawke performances.
elliott
									
Ethan Hawke and his stuntman! Whoever— [Stuart laughs.] —they cast in that part. Yeah!
stuart
									
Uh… so—the—
elliott
									
So what are they gonna do—
crosstalk
									
Elliott: —when they hang out? Stuart: So—so our teens—
stuart
									
—are all hanging out. They’re, of course, drinking. Uh… they’re staying at Katie’s house. Katie’s dad is passed out drunk upstairs. They’re, uh, goofing around, looking at stuff on the old internet. They decide to be like that group of boys, ‘cause they heard a rumor those boys are going out into the woods and they’re summoning a guy named “Slenderman.” [Laughs.]
elliott
									
Mm-hm. And this is not Hiram Slenderman
stuart
									
Nope. [All three laugh.]
elliott
									
Who I assume is a tailor.
stuart
									
Yep. So they—
elliott
									
Actually, his name would be, like, Chaim Slenderman. Not Hiram.
stuart
									
So they, uh, they—[laughs]—they go to a website and they— [Dan laughs.]
elliott
									
They just google Slenderman, right?
stuart
									
I do kind—yeah, and I kinda like that the website looks… like, kinda crappy, like an actual website. It’s not, like, I dunno, what, Swordfish, where—[laughs]— [Elliott and Dan laugh.] —you’re like, let me—let me get onto the internet—
crosstalk
									
Stuart: And then the lights are flashing across their— Dan: You’re saying—yeah.
stuart
									
—Chrome faces. [Laughs.] [Elliot and Dan laugh.] Uh, so they, uh, yeah. They don’t have, like, four, like, digital avatars that are floating— [Elliott and Dan laugh.] —through the cyberspace. [Laughs.]
dan
									
A bunch of cubes they have to connect to do something.
elliott
									
You’ve gotta collect the 14 digital keys to unlock the Sle—[giggles]—Slenderman portal!
stuart
									
So they—yeah. So they’re looking at this thing and, y’know, they see a couple people on this forum mentioning it, and then there’s just a link that says “Summon Him,” so they’re, like, fuck it, let’s click— [Dan laughs.] —click this link! And it leads them to a video, which I’m assuming was [through laughter] uploaded by Slenderman. [Dan and Elliot laugh.] Uh, and they watch a video that gives them some instructions. They have to listen for bells, they have to close their eyes. Uh, your usual urban legend crap. And the, uh—and then when they open their eyes, their eyeballs are bombarded with a series of, y’know, kinda cliched flashing images.
elliott
									
Ringu-type stuff, yeah.
dan
									
Now should—I’m sorry should we take a—should we pause for a moment—
elliott
									
Let’s go on a tangent about Slenderman.
dan
									
Yeah. That’s what I was gonna say. Let’s talk about this Slenderman fellow.
crosstalk
									
Elliott: The Slenderman is a slender reed on which— Stuart: Not an original creation for this, uh...
stuart
									
For this movie.
dan
									
[Laughs.] He—well—it—in it—an original creation of the internet. A new urban legend, a new—
crosstalk
									
Elliott: It’s a— Stuart: Like a flying spaghetti monster? Type thing? Dan: Yeah.
elliott
									
Yeah. Say—it’s a digital urban legend. Whi—it feels like someone was going out of their way to create a… Jersey Devil or, um, uh, what’s the—
stuart
									
Micah—
elliott
									
The one that movie just came out about. Uh, about the—that’s a Latin American evil spirit.
stuart
									
Curse of Lla—uh—La Llarona?
elliott
									
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like, that—they wanted to—they’re like, much—the internet—let’s just face it.
stuart
									
Or like a Mothman, or—uh—
crosstalk
									
Elliott: Yeah, like— Stuart: It’s—
stuart
									
Does it fall under the subheading “Creepypasta?”
crosstalk
									
Elliott: Uh—yeah, let’s say that. Dan: Yeah, it does.
elliott
									
It does. It’s—the internet thinks it—it can do anything better than real life does. And so they’re like, why should we make do with all these analog cryptids? And analog urban legends that suck? When we can have Slenderman—an all-original, digital, 21st-century urban legend, who is a very thin guy in a business suit— [Dan chuckles.] —which is frankly what loses it for me. [Dan and Stuart laugh.] The idea that he’s a monster from another dimension or whatever but he wears a suit is stupid. That it’s like… oh, he’s a—look, he’s gotta look real cool. So that, like, a hipster can dress up like him, in a skinny suit. He has no face, and at times he seems to have a tree body or a tarantula body—but anyway, he’s just like a tall thin guy in a—he’s basically David Bowie.
stuart
									
And—
elliott
									
He’s a tall thin guy in a suit who steals children.
crosstalk
									
Dan: And what’s— [Stuart laughs. Dan joins in.] Elliott: He’s David Bowie.
crosstalk
									
Dan: [Through heavy laughter] What are you saying it’s just like David Bowie. Elliott: If David Bowie didn’t have a face, he’d be Slenderman.
stuart
									
Just like David—ah, let’s just say, though, that the movie doesn’t seem to quite figure out what Slenderman is? And I think that that is partly kind of a symptom of… the internet Slenderman? Which is this crowdsourced story. So, like, everyone out there has kind of a—who has written a Slenderman thing, kind of does a different thing with Slenderman.
elliott
									
Well—it—they’re trying to—they’re trying to create—immediately—what usually takes decades or centuries. Which is li—suddenly you have a character like the Jersey Devil—doesn’t exist, I’m from New Jersey—the only real Jersey Devil is, of course, Bruce Springsteen. [Dan and Stuart laugh.] Sorry, guys.
dan
									
Oh, wow.
elliott
									
He’s—he’s driven many to their—to their doom with his powerful music and his promises. [Laughs.] [Dan and Stuart laugh.] Of riches. Beyond the Garden State.
stuart
									
Yeah. The—the promise that you can be a sad guy in a bar and everybody else will still think you’re pretty cool.
elliott
									
Exactly. When in reality, they don’t. Uh—so—the Jersey Devil’s this creature that has existed in legend for a very long time. Probably not as long as the legend is said to be? But it has accreted over many years both a solidity in terms of the land—the landscape? The mental landscape of the state? But also, like, lots of weird details and lots of regional dif—differences and things like that. But they kind of arose semi-organically from people hearing the story and then—
dan
									
Yeah.
stuart
									
—remembering it wrong or whatever, telling their children about it. Where with Slenderman, they’re kind of like… let’s do all that, but really fast.
crosstalk
									
Stuart: Yeah. So— Elliott: Let’s like—
elliott
									
—let’s li—let’s fake it. And so, yeah, it comes off as kind of a mushy character.
stuart
									
And his thing, like, I mean, like—
elliott
									
There is a textbook about him! In the movie!
dan
									
Yeah.
elliott
									
About—about bioelectricity and what—we’ll get to that, I guess. [Stuart laughs.]
crosstalk
									
Dan: I mean—insomuch as anyone— Stuart: Yeah, we’re gonna get—
stuart
									
—to a textbook about bioelectricity. [Elliott laughs.]
dan
									
In—insomuch as anyone agrees about Slenderman, the kind of basic parameters is he mostly targets children; he sort of—he either spirits them away or drives them mad. And… his motives are deliberately left vague.
elliott
									
So in the movie, it’s similar. They know that he either takes you, drives you mad, or kills you. Why? [Dramatic intonation] Bum bum bum. Because these are [singing to tune of David Bowie’s “Young Americans”] young Americans! Young Americans!^ [Stuart laughs.] It’s David Bowie, guys. [Laughs.]
dan
									
And I, just, like—very quickly I wanna touch on something—
none
									
And—and—I’ll say this—he does this to [singing] Young Americans! [Stu chuckles.] ‘Cause he’s afraid of Americans!
stuart
									
[Through laughter] Oh, yeah. Yep.
dan
									
Uh—I—I wanted to touch—
elliott
									
[Singing to the tune of David Bowie’s “Space Oddity”] Ground control to Slenderman!
dan
									
[Through laughter] Oh, yeah, I love it.
elliott
									
[Singing] You’re taking all the kids.
stuart
									
[Through laughter] Uh-huh. Yep.
elliott
									
[Singing] But why do you wear a necktie if you’re a monster?
dan
									
Uh—
elliott
									
How do you— [Dan laughs.]
crosstalk
									
Elliott: —tie that necktie— Dan: Hot dammit.
elliott
									
[Singing] With those fingers? [Laughs.]
dan
									
Um—
stuart
									
I mean, I figure it’d be extra good at it ‘cause he’s got these super-long—
crosstalk
									
Dan: Stuart— Stuart: —supple fing—
elliott
									
But he can’t see in the mirror. He doesn’t have eyes.
dan
									
I can’t see the, um… the window. How is our engineer Jordan reacting to Elliott’s singing? [Everyone laughs.]
elliott
									
Just loving it, I think.
stuart
									
Oh, wow, she’s filling out her last will and testament. [All three laugh.]
elliott
									
That says give everything to Elliott. [Laughs.] [Stuart laughs.]
dan
									
Though I wanted to say, too, I just—quickly want to touch on this as quickly as possible and move on. Uh, content warning. Like, so there was a stabbing related to—to Slenderman where, uh, one young girl stabbed another young girl several times. They had been sort of obsessed with this character, and this movie came out four years after that? And a lot of people were kind of, like, upset that this movie came out? Because of this real-life violence, uh, stabbing. And um… and I—and I—I did a little reading on the production of this movie, and this movie was sort of cut down to get a PG-13 rating, but reading between the lines it seemed like a lot of stuff was maybe cut out, too, so as not to like—
crosstalk
									
Elliott: Be too close to that case? Dan: —evoke that too much.
dan
									
And so that is also part of why this movie feels so weirdly disjointed and things don’t seem to follow other things.
elliott
									
So you’re saying it would be tasteless of me to now do my “Slenderman Who Sold The World” parody? [Stuart and Dan laugh.]
dan
									
Yeah. [Stuart laughs.]
stuart
									
W—wow, yeah. That’s a lot of work to get Elliott to stop singing.
dan
									
Yeah.
stuart
									
Um— [Elliott laughs.] Okay, yeah. Yeah. I mean, that’s—
dan
									
That’s obviously fucked up.
stuart
									
Yeah.
elliott
									
So they—so—yeah. It’s—and it’s tasteless of the filmmakers to—to—maybe—if—if they intended to exploit that.
dan
									
I didn’t wanna dwell on it, but I feel like it’s worth just mentioning briefly.
crosstalk
									
Elliott: But then again— Stuart: Again, that kind of—
elliott
									
—Fyodor Dostoyevsky wrote a novel that was inspired by a real murder. Is he exploitative?
stuart
									
Uh—probably! [Laughs.] [Dan laughs.]
elliott
									
Okay. Yeah. Maybe.
stuart
									
Um—the—
crosstalk
									
Dan: I mean, he got his just desserts. Stuart: —just ‘cause—just ‘cause it-
dan
									
He’s dead now. [Everyone laughs.]
stuart
									
Yep. I mean—
elliott
									
[Through laughter] The curse of that—
stuart
									
Just c—just ‘cause it happened a long time ago doesn’t mean it’s not bad. [Laughs.]
elliott
									
Yeah. Good point. Good point.
stuart
									
Um—well, that actually sheds a little bit of light on to the most likely tacked-on monologue at the end of the movie. But we’ll get to that. So they watch this video and then they’re like, oh, that was weird! Or whatever. Uh, let’s watch a movie! [Dan laughs.] And I’m like, yeah! Let’s watch a movie! [Elliott and Dan chuckle appreciatively.] But nope, we don’t—
crosstalk
									
Stuart: —get to put on— Dan: They’ve seen Slenderman. [Laughs.] [Elliott laughs enthusiastically.]
stuart
									
In—in—instead we—[laughs]—instead we get a time jump. Uh, one week later. Uh, all the girls have been having, uh, nightmares. Uh, they’re all kind of like… their nightmare fantasies are kinda starting to bleed into their real life. Uh, they go on a school trip to a historic cemetery— [Elliott laughs.] —in Cliffton?
elliott
									
Because it’s Shocktober for school, I guess! [Dan and Stuart laugh, agree.]
dan
									
[Coughs.] My ghoul-friend was watching this and she was like—
elliott
									
I can’t believe that she lets you call her your ghoul-friend. [Dan laughs.]
dan
									
She encouraged it. Um—she’s like, what kind of—[laughs.] Like—[coughs]—what kind of, uh, yeah. School trip is just to a—a—cinemat—cemetary? Like—like, she was like, asking me what school trips I took. I’m like, um, mostly the science museum? [All laugh.]
elliott
									
I mean, if—if there—if it’s a historic cemetery and like the town—
crosstalk
									
Elliott: —founders— Dan: Yeah, yeah, yeah.
elliott
									
—are buried there—
crosstalk
									
Dan: Yeah. Elliott: Or like—
stuart
									
Yeah, if they take you to a cemetery and—
crosstalk
									
Stuart: —they’re like, this is—this is the cemetery— Dan: Jim Morrison’s buried. Elliott: Yeah, yeah, yeah.
stuart
									
—that they shot Return of the Living Dead at. [Elliott and Dan laugh.] I’d be like, awesome! Thanks, Teach! [Elliott chortles.]
dan
									
[Through laughter] Otherwise I’d have to learn about Return of the Living Dead on the streets! [Elliott laughs enthusiastically, continues laughing as Stuart talks.]
stuart
									
Yeah. Then—then me and my buddy Chainsaw would go back to summer school. Um, okay. So, uh… uh, Katie, uh, one of the—one of our friends, uh… goes missing? Suddenly? It’s a kind of interesting edit, because all of a sudden, like, she’s looking off into the woods, and then all of a sudden we flash forward to later in the day with, like, the police looking for this missing girl. Um—
elliott
									
It’s very confusing. It’s like there’s a little touch of Picnic at Hanging Rock there. Not enough to make it impressive, but it’s like—for a moment, you’re like, wait, what happened?
crosstalk
									
Elliott: Like, what? If she’s— Dan: Mm-hm. Stuart: I mean—
stuart
									
On some level I appreciate—
elliott
									
Yeah.
stuart
									
—um—it—it, y’know, kept me on [through laughter] my toes. So good on ya, movie! Um—
elliott
									
Your slender toes.
dan
									
Mm-hm.
stuart
									
So, uh, shortly afterwards, her drunk father, uh… we—scares Hallie by breaking into her home at night? Uh, while she and her sister Lizzie are alone. She, uh, he breaks into her home while very drunk and blames Hallie for involving hi—his daughter in the occult? It’s a kind of a weird scene to see this, like, drunk grownup assaulting these two young women? [Laughs.]
dan
									
But I was also like—how does he know that that happened?
elliott
									
Well, because when they eventually go to her room, it’s full of occult stuff.
crosstalk
									
Dan: Oh, okay. Stuart: Uh-huh.
stuart
									
It’s full of the evidence.
elliott
									
It’s an evidence bedroom.
dan
									
Hey, guys, I just realized! Uh—we’re sort of involving Hallie in Shocktober.
elliott
									
By having a character named Hallie?
crosstalk
									
Dan: [Through laughter] By having a character named Hallie. Elliott: In the movie?
dan
									
I—I just wanted to say—like, uh—
elliott
									
And I get—and so she finally saw Ghost! Good on ya, Hallie! [Dan and Stuart laugh.] The Slenderman! Does Slenderman count as a ghost? I don’t know.
crosstalk
									
Dan: I know that a lot of listeners are probably— Stuart: I mean, it’s—it’s ghost-adjacent. [Elliott laughs.]
dan
									
A lot—a lotta listeners are probably miss—missing Hallie? Uh, she was very busy for a while, uh, being in charge of Wyatt’s show. And then, uh, I think it’s fine to say—she had a kid! So she’s very busy now. But I hope—
crosstalk
									
Dan: We hope to have her back. Yep. Elliott: I mean, she—she was—pregnant and gave birth.
elliott
									
It’s not like a kid was—it’s not a Baby Boom-type situation.
crosstalk
									
Stuart: No, a stork brought it— [Laughs.] Dan: [Through laughter] Right. Elliott: Where it just got dropped in her lap. [Laughs.]
dan
									
Yeah. But like—I just—I—y’know. We—we hope to have her back, but it’s—it’s harder than in the past.
stuart
									
So, uh, mm—thanks for that digression.
crosstalk
									
Elliott: No, that’s good that—that— Dan: Well, I mean— Stuart: No, I’m joking.
elliott
									
It’s good that pe—that our listeners know that the Hallie in the movie is not the Hallie who has been on this show.
dan
									
Yeah.
stuart
									
Mm-hm.
elliott
									
Nor is it Halle Berry.
stuart
									
No.
elliott
									
Who has also been mentioned on this show a few times.
stuart
									
Um…
elliott
									
Nor is it Halley’s Comet, which is not a person. But instead a big ball of ice that flies through space. [Long pause.]
dan
									
Hm.
stuart
									
Okay.
crosstalk
									
Stuart: Let me adjust my notes—[laughs.] Elliott: Nor—nor is it Les Halles—the, uh—
elliott
									
—the former restaurant home of the late Anthony Bourdain.
crosstalk
									
Dan: Uh—uh—do you have a chart— Stuart: Let me—
dan
									
—that explains this? I feel like—[laughs.]
elliott
									
I do. Let me pull it out here. Now, these are the halls of medicine. They’re not actual halls.  [Laughs.]
crosstalk
									
Dan: The halls of medicine? Stuart: Let me—
crosstalk
									
Stuart: Let me delete all—let me delete the, uh— Dan: Now are the halls of medicine the cough drops?
elliott
									
Yes, that’s exactly. Uh, it’s a misuse of the word “halls.”
dan
									
[Chuckles.] Okay. [Laughs.] [Dan interrupts frequently to agree with Elliott.]
elliott
									
Now here’s Arsenio Hall, famous late night host. Interviewed Jason once. It didn’t go that good. [Laughs.] [Dan laughs.]
stuart
									
I, uh….
elliott
									
Now here’s Arch Hall Sr. and Jr., the director and star of the movie Eegah. [Dan laughs at length.]
stuart
									
Yeah, I guess under…
elliott
									
And of course, there’s Anthony Michael Hall, who is, of course, the son of Anthony Hall, I assume. I don’t know how names work. [Laughs.] [Dan laughs.]
stuart
									
Under, uh… under “goofs,” I guess I should just remove the “Halley’s Comet isn’t a teenager.” [All three laugh.]
dan
									
Incorrectly regarded as a goof.
crosstalk
									
Elliott: [Laughs.] No, no, incorrectly, yeah. Stuart: Yeah. [Inaudible.]
elliott
									
No, uh, there—an unfilmed prologue explains— [Stuart laughs.] —that she began life as a comet. [Dan laughs.] And took human form—
crosstalk
									
Elliott: —to learn what life is like. [Laughs.] Stuart: Splashed down to earth, yeah.
stuart
									
So, uh… after—after this scary moment with, uh, their friend’s drunken father, uh, our remaining teens decide to become amateur detectives— [Dan laughs.] —and they, uh— [Elliott laughs.] —trick her father into, uh, being distracted? Like, he’s asleep on the couch, and they wake him up to distract him so they can break in. It’s, like… why’d they have to wake him up? They coulda just broken in. So they break in and sneak into their friend’s room and they’re like, “Oh, the—where’s her laptop? The police must have taken it for evidence!” And instead there’s a whole bunch of drawings of Slenderman strewn about? And then they just find her laptop hidden.
elliott
									
Yeah.
stuart
									
So it appears like the police took nothing for evidence. [Laughs.]
elliott
									
And also that the movie is wasting our time. [Dan laughs.]
stuart
									
Yeah. Uh—
elliott
									
Unless it’s supposed—
crosstalk
									
Elliott: —to be that she— Dan: I mean—
elliott
									
—hid her computer from everybody else, but it’s—it’s just a waste.
crosstalk
									
Stuart: And it is— Dan: And I’d argue—
dan
									
[Through laughter] —that the entire length of the movie is wasting our time.
elliott
									
Now, Dan. You’re skipping to final judgments. [Dan laughs.]
dan
									
[Through laughter] I mean—it’s not wasting our time because we’ve made sort of a business out of this— [Elliott laughs.] —but other listeners. [Laughs.]
elliott
									
Listeners, if you are not watching this movie in order to record a podcast that you make a little bit of money from—
dan
									
[Laughs.] Yeah.
elliott
									
—I would say, maybe don’t bother watching it.
dan
									
Yeah.
elliott
									
But! That’s for final judgments. Maybe Slenderman will change our minds. [Dan laughs.]
stuart
									
Now, one thing I do like about Slenderman is that— [Dan and Elliott laugh boisterously.]
crosstalk
									
Elliott: The movie, or the man? Dan: [Through laughter] He’s a—he’s a generous lover. Stuart: The man. [Laughs.] Yeah.
stuart
									
I mean, we’re gonna go into the pros column now. [Elliott laughs.] Uh, we’ll say—there’s some obvious cons. We’ll get to those.
dan
									
Mm-hm.
stuart
									
But under pros, I like—when somebody’s kinda been bitten by the Slenderman bug—they immediate—they immediately develop a little taste for some artwork. [Laughs.]
elliott
									
Oh, yeah!
stuart
									
And they begin, uh… scritching and scratching like mad.
dan
									
They discover a previously unknown talent!
crosstalk
									
Stuart: Uh-huh. Elliott: Well, they should’ve—
elliott
									
—called this movie Slendermuse.
stuart
									
And it feels kinda weird because you would think—with this, like, modern, uh, tech—techno-savvy type bad guy—they would be—[laughs]—they would be making all these pictures of, uh, of him in what—CAD and like—
elliott
									
Yeah, yeah, with a—made out of emojis and stuff?
stuart
									
[Through laughter] Yeah.
elliott
									
No, but it’s good old-fashioned pen on paper. Now, Dan—
dan
									
Uh-huh.
elliott
									
Let’s—okay. Let’s—how would you pitch the movie? It’s Titanic—
crosstalk
									
Dan: Yep. Stuart: Mm-hm.
elliott
									
—but instead of Kate Winslet, it’s Slenderman.
dan
									
Uh-huh.
elliott
									
And he inspires Leonardo DiCaprio to draw him like one of his French girls.
crosstalk
									
Stuart: [Laughs.] Mm-hm. Dan: Yeah.
elliott
									
But Slenderman I don’t think can take his suit off!
stuart
									
It’s kind of hard, also, I think—well, I mean, I was gonna say it’s hard to, uh, draw Slenderman? ‘Cause he’s got that sort of faceless quality—
crosstalk
									
Dan: —that makes- Elliott: It’s very easy to draw—
stuart
									
Easy to draw, yeah.
elliott
									
Yeah. The hardest thing to draw is the human face.
stuart
									
Well, the hands. If you’ve tried to draw hands.
elliott
									
Mm, the feet. I think feet are—
crosstalk
									
Elliott: —even harder to draw than hands. Stuart: Feet are—yeah, make it—
stuart
									
—uh, look like they’re actually standing on something is—
crosstalk
									
Stuart: —pretty— Elliott: And the penis—
elliott
									
—is hard to draw without it looking goofy. [Dan laughs.] But just let’s just say the hardest thing to draw is the human penis.
dan
									
You know, I was doing, uh—
crosstalk
									
Elliott: —‘cause it’s naturally goofy. Dan: —life drawing for a while?
elliott
									
Okay.
dan
									
And I showed my progress to, like, friends and they’re like—
stuart
									
Yeah?
dan
									
[Through laughter] Wow, you really emphasized the female nipples and the male penis on these drawings. I’m like—I—not intentionally!
crosstalk
									
Dan: I just— Stuart: Yeah! I mean— Elliott: No, no. You happened to have life drawing models—
elliott
									
—with very pronounced nipples and penis!
dan
									
Yeah.
stuart
									
Yeah! I mean, you wanna show respect to your muse. [Laughs.] [Dan and Elliott laugh.]
dan
									
They’re baring it all, I might as well, y’know.
stuart
									
Yeah. Uh…
elliott
									
Also, do the same! And that’s why you were kicked out of that life drawing class, for drawing in the nude. [Laughs.] [Stuart laughs.]
stuart
									
To this day, one of my favorite life drawing moments was when—because we went to—
crosstalk
									
Stuart: —a small school, uh— Dan: Oh, come on, Stuart. [Laughs.]
stuart
									
Oh—oh—oh—oh—
dan
									
I know where this is headed. But you can go.
stuart
									
No. Uh, it’s fine, Dan. [Laughs.] Uh, I won’t have a digression. Uh, I’ll just stick to the plot!
crosstalk
									
Stuart: Like you always tell me to do. [Elliott laughs.] Dan: I feel like it’s—
dan
									
—insulting to me. That’s the reason I’m…
stuart
									
No. It was a story about—
crosstalk
									
Stuart: —how, like… Dan: Okay.
stuart
									
Every, uh… ‘cause we knew everybody in our class.
dan
									
Yeah, that’s right.
stuart
									
And—uh—[laughs]—um, my roommate, uh, like showed up from, uh, showed up to class one morning very hungover, and a friend of ours—who—or, at least a—an acquaintance of ours who was the model—
dan
									
Mm-hm.
stuart
									
Uh, started posing for gestures, and his first pose was this, like, crazy one? [Laughs.] With it, like, end up spreading his butt? [Laughs.]
dan
									
Mm-hm.
stuart
									
And my buddy’s just like—ugh. [Laughs.] [Elliott laughs.] [Through laughter] He left for the rest of the morning.
dan
									
Oh, boy.
elliott
									
Now here’s something—I’ve never been in a real-life drawing class. So is it like in TV, where they walk out wearing the flimsiest of robes—
stuart
									
Yeah.
dan
									
Yeah.
elliott
									
Just like, a—the thinnest of kimonos?
dan
									
Well, not—well, yeah! A lot of them, yeah.
elliott
									
It seems like it doesn’t give you a lot of coverage.
dan
									
Well, I mean, you’re gonna be nude in a second.
crosstalk
									
Dan: I don’t know— Elliott: Yeah, but you wanna make it a big reveal.
dan
									
[Laughs.] I don’t—I don’t think you understand what the model’s job is.
elliott
									
I would come out in kind of, like, a Mysterio-style cape. [Dan laughs.] That covered my whole body, and then I’d fling it back!
dan
									
[Laughs.] What if—what if you had a couple smoke machines?
crosstalk
									
Stuart: You’d—yeah! Elliott: Yeah!                                  Dan: And you started playing—
dan
									
—y’all ready for this? [Laughs.] And—
elliott
									
Yeah, yeah. Then I play that.
stuart
									
You’d—you’d fling it back and you’d be wearing a sweatsuit underneath. And underneath you’d be wearing a full-body, uh, like, Green Man suit.
elliott
									
I’d keep taking those things off and each time I’d be like, okay, now you’ll get to see it. And I— [Someone giggles.] —and then I’d be wearing clothes underneath and I’d be all, “Uh-uh!” [Dan and Stuart laugh.]
dan
									
And then the teacher’s like, class is over.
crosstalk
									
Dan: It took too long. Elliott: [Laughs.] Then I’d be like, “$50, please!” [Stuart laughs.]
dan
									
Yeah.
stuart
									
Okay. So. Uh… we—oh man. So they— [Elliott laughs.]
crosstalk
									
Elliott: So they found his lap— Stuart: —start to follow up—
elliott
									
They found her laptop.
stuart
									
They start following up on her internet history. They find a website that her—uh, that Katie was visiting. Uh, there’s—they find a whole bunch of pretty well-edited and shot little Slenderman videos, right?
crosstalk
									
Dan: Mm-hm. Elliott: Yeah, yeah.
elliott
									
They literally look like a good—good piece of work of professional people trying to make amateur Slenderman videos.
stuart
									
They’re—[laughs]—uh, they’re reading all the comments on there, and one of the—one of the girls says, “It’s like they’re comparing experiences!” [Elliott laughs faintly.] It’s like, yeah, no shit. That’s exactly what they’re doing. [Elliott laughs.] Um—so they get, uh… they end up, uh, interacting with an online pal of Katie’s, uh, who goes by the handle “AlleyCat.”
dan
									
Mm-hm.
stuart
									
Um, and AlleyCat kind of tries to, like, sketch out, uh, when they—when they suggest that their friend Katie has been taken, AlleyCat sugg—sketches out some of what they might have to do in order to get their friend back. Which, I believe they interpret as you have to give up or give him something they love.
crosstalk
									
Stuart: Right? Elliott: Yeah.
elliott
									
Something that they cherish, they’re gonna have to give up in exchange for the friend—wait, was it Kelly or Hallie?
stuart
									
Uh, who—that—
crosstalk
									
Elliott: Who disappeared. Stuart: —disappeared?
stuart
									
Katie.
elliott
									
Katie.
stuart
									
It’s—Hallie is—
crosstalk
									
Stuart: —is our lead. Kelly plus Hallie equals Katie. Dan: You combined ‘em both. [Laughs.] Elliott: Okay. Um—I’m just thinking maybe—
elliott
									
—their names shouldn’t have been, like, Katie, Hallie, Mikey, Jenny, Jimmy, Tony—
crosstalk
									
Dan: Jeffy—from Family Circus. Elliott: Jeffy—yeah, Little Jeffy. Uh— Stuart: Mm-hm.
elliott
									
—Babe—Baby Sinclair. [Laughs.] [Dan laughs.]
dan
									
[Through heavy laughter] I’m getting a Babe: Pig in the City. [Laughs.]
elliott
									
Babe: Pig in the [enunciating exaggeratedly] Cit-ty. [Laughs.]
stuart
									
Ohh-kay. Uh— [Elliott laughs.] So, um… so they end up going out in the woods and they… uh… they are, like, give up things they love, which involves, like, breaking pottery and ripping up, uh, photos.
elliott
									
It’s basically their plan is like they gotta go into the woods—[singing, to the tune of “Into the Woods” from Into the Woods] into the woods to get our friend! Into—
crosstalk
									
Stuart: No. Elliott: [Still singing] —the woods to help the Slenderman!
elliott
									
[Singing] Into the woods! And home before dark!
crosstalk
									
Stuart: Okay. S— Dan: I love it! [Elliott laughs.] [Dan laughs.]
crosstalk
									
Stuart: So they all— Elliott: I’m finally—
elliott
									
—on Dan’s wavelength! [Laughs.] [Dan laughs.]
stuart
									
They all put on their blindfolds, uh, the sounds of the forest go away, and then sounds of Slenderman come up! And of course—
elliott
									
[Laughs.] That—that was his album? Sounds of Slenderman? [All three laugh.]
stuart
									
And the rule is that they—
dan
									
[Through laughter] Slenderman and Garfunkel. [Elliott laughs enthusiastically.]
stuart
									
The rule is that, like, Slenderman’s gonna show up and they couldn’t look at him, or else they’ll go crazy.
elliott
									
Yeah.
stuart
									
So, like—very quickly, Chloe’s like, “Uh, what’s going on? We shouldn’t be doing this!” And then takes her blindfold off, sees the Slenderman, runs away, freaks out.
elliott
									
They’ve been—and she was waiting for maybe 15 seconds.
stuart
									
Yeah. She—she—she gave up pretty quickly.
crosstalk
									
Elliott: These millennials, amiright? Stuart: It’s—
stuart
									
But what’s strange is, like, this is the kind of scene that a horror filmmaker would be so excited to be, like, great! This is the first real encounter with Slenderman; I can take my time and build up the tension here. I can build up the isolation and build up that fear of, like, not being able to do anything while this, like, otherworldly force might be closing in on our heroes. But instead he’s like, nope! We’re done! Let’s move on. Uh—
elliott
									
I wanna see his version—this—I’m assuming the director’s a him; maybe it’s not—that—this director’s version of House of the Devil? Where, uh, Tom Noonan leaves the babysitter behind? And the babysitter is immediately, like, “Who else is in the house? Come on!” And then the bad guys come back and they’re like, “We’re here too.”
dan
									
It is a him. I looked him up. He was—he also directed that movie, uh, The Losers?
crosstalk
									
Stuart: And Stomp the Yard. Dan: With a younger Chris Evans—
dan
									
—and, uh… what’s his face, the guy who looks like Javiar Bardem but isn’t?
elliott
									
Oh, Javier Bardem Jr.?
dan
									
The American [through laughter] Javier Bardem. He was in—
crosstalk
									
Dan: Watch—Watchmen. Elliott: Faux-vier Bardem?
dan
									
I don’t know. Uh, but—
stuart
									
Jeffrey Dean Morgan?
dan
									
Yeah, that’s it. Uh—it’s an okay little action movie.
elliott
									
Mm-hm.
dan
									
It’s not great, but fun.
stuart
									
Uh, wasn’t Jeffrey Dean Morgan one of the Mc—Mc-something’s in, uh, Grey’s Anatomy?
crosstalk
									
Dan: Yes. Stuart: And he’s like—Mc—McSt— Elliott: Oh, was he McSteamy?
crosstalk
									
Stuart: Yeah, he might be. Or Dreamy or Smoky. Dan: I don’t think that was… Elliott: No, McDreamy is Patrick Dempsey.
dan
									
Yeah.
elliott
									
Who is one of the characters in this movie, since his name ends in “ey.”
crosstalk
									
Dan: Now who’s McCreamy? [Laughs.] [Stuart laughs.] Elliott: There’s a Katie, Hallie, Dempsey—McCreamy?
dan
									
[Through laughter] Yeah.
elliott
									
Uh, that’s Dr. Twinkie. [Stuart and Dan laugh.]
crosstalk
									
Stuart: So— [Dan laughs.] Elliott: That doctor, they’re like—
elliott
									
“Dr. Twinkie, you’ll be—you’ll lose your license for this!” And he’s like, “I’ll outlast all of you! I’m full of preservatives!” [Dan chuckles.]
stuart
									
So Wren and Hallie find—
elliott
									
Stimpey.
stuart
									
[Through laughter] —find their friend Chloe—
elliott
									
Stimpey. [Dan laughs.]
stuart
									
Uh, shaken in the woods. Uh, injured from smashing into a tree while stumbling—
crosstalk
									
Stuart: —about in the dark. Elliott: Stim-tree. [Dan laughs.]
stuart
									
And they, uh—and then, like, life kinda moves on. We see a little bit of Chloe, uh, Chloe has a—uh, as I said, she’s shaken by her experiences with Slenderman, and then she—he visits her in her home, and like… he calls her on the phone and she like, it’s this—
crosstalk
									
Stuart: —kinda weird scene, yeah. Elliott: It’s a spooky video call, yeah.
stuart
									
And then, uh…
elliott
									
He’s choking her, and then she looks in the mirror—she’s choking herself!
stuart
									
Uh-huh.
elliott
									
Screams! Which she should not be able to do if she’s choking herself well.
stuart
									
Uh-huh.
elliott
									
Because the choking should stop air from entering her windpipe. She needs that air to scream. But she’s not—she doesn’t really kill herself. She’s just giving herself a good old Slenderman spook. [Dan and Stuart laugh.] Just a good old scare-‘em-up!
crosstalk
									
Dan: An old-fashioned Slenderman spook. Stuart: So they—
stuart
									
Uh, so Hallie and Wren are trying to survive, or kind of figure out their situation. Uh, Wren starts doing some research at—
crosstalk
									
Stuart: —the library— Elliott: Wren-search.
stuart
									
—on bioelectric systems.
elliott
									
What I love here is it is such an old-fashioned thing, that she would go to the library to use their computers? When it’s clear all the kids have their own computers? And she looks up this book that’s, like, Bioelec—the book is called, like Bioelectric Pheno—Bioelectricity and Supernatural Phenomena. Does her normal, small-town library have a copy of it? [Through laughter] You know they do! [Laughs.]
stuart
									
And their small-town library that’s like… super gothic and scary?
elliott
									
Oh yeah, it’s a scary library.
crosstalk
									
Stuart: Uh, and— Elliott: It’s like Arkham’s library.
stuart
									
And I like when they’re doing research, like—the internet research is kinda believably dumb. Like, they’re just doing, like, simple Google searches? It’s the sort of thing that like… like, if—if you were like Stuart, you gotta find out some stuff about Slenderman real quick to record a podcast, you’d be like, okay, let me start Googling. [Elliott laughs.] Uh… and then there’s all these, like, Photoshops. These, like, historical Slenderman photos that are like—this is some of the laziest Photoshop I’ve ever seen. [Laughs.]
elliott
									
I wish that they had gone all the way and had, like, paintings of like the Revolutionary War and there’s a Slenderman— [Dan laughs enthusiastically.] —in the back? [Through laughter] That’s encircled?
dan
									
I also feel like this was a mistake that the movie makes where it’s like, okay, Slenderman is an internet thing. So the movie also needs to, like, tie into the internet a lot. Whereas, like—
elliott
									
They keep talking about it as like, an invasive idea?
crosstalk
									
Elliott: Like a meme? An evil meme? Meme-vil. Dan: Yeah, and I don’t—I mean—
stuart
									
Yeah, I would’ve loved to have seen, like, uh, a Peter Paul Rubens where he’s, like— [Elliott laughs.] —[silly voice] “I’m gonna make a beefy Slenderman” [Stuart and Elliott laugh.]
elliott
									
There’s a Mona Lisa Slenderman. [Dan laughs.] It’s like, it’s not smiling. It has no face. [Stuart laughs.] The—now—here’s—I just wanna say one thing about this textbook she finds in the library.
stuart
									
Uh-huh.
elliott
									
So it’s called, like, yeah. Bioelectricity and Supernatural Phenomena or something like that, and it is—it is very much a niche text. My wife, she’s a librarian.
crosstalk
									
Dan: Uh-huh. Stuart: Mm-hm.
elliott
									
She’s talked to me many times. My mom is a librarian. They both talk to me about the need to cull a library’s collection.
dan
									
Yep.
elliott
									
If a book is one—out of date; if it has incorrect scientific information, you gotta cull that thing. That book seems to fall under that heading? Number two—if a book hasn’t been taken out in years? You’re probably gonna lose it. Y’know what? It’s just not being used at all. I have fin—a hard time believing that that book has been in such good circulation— [Dan laughs.] —‘cause—
crosstalk
									
Elliott: —that it continues to be— Dan: It’s—a lotta Slenderman—
dan
									
—in this neighborhood.
elliott
									
And it’s not just still in the collection—it’s on the stack!
crosstalk
									
Elliott: It’s, like, in—it’s in the stacks— Stuart: And it’s dogeared! [Laughs.]
elliott
									
—on the shelf! And it’s dogeared!
dan
									
Yeah.
elliott
									
Like, this is a well-circulated, traveled book!
crosstalk
									
Stuart: Yeah, and she’s, like— Dan: And also—
stuart
									
—deep in the stacks and tries to get a phone call, and all of a sudden it fuzzes out because I’m assuming libraries have scramblers? [Dan chuckles.] To prevent kids from using their cell phones?
elliott
									
It’s to stop old homeless men from watching pornography on the computers.
crosstalk
									
Stuart: Oh, okay. That makes sense. Dan: So—and also—
dan
									
—I don’t think she—explains the stuff now that she finds in the book? I think that comes a little later. But like—
stuart
									
Yeah.
dan
									
—the stuff in it is such, like, weird, like, Ghostbusters, like, the gibberish that they throw around—
crosstalk
									
Dan: —I’m not trying to make it science-y— Elliott: Oh, it’s like, supernatural tech mumbo-jumbo. Yeah. Stuart: Yeah. Dan: And it’s like—
dan
									
—why are you trying to, like, Midichlorian this horror movie? Right now?
stuart
									
Well—um, and I kinda also like that she relies entirely on a single textbook that she found. Which is kind of funny, because a textbook is like, old media? [Laughs.] Slenderman was created through new media? [Elliott laughs.] But, uh—she, like, completely believes in this, uh, this one textbook she finds, and of course—spoiler alert—it provides no assistance for them— [Dan laughs.] —over the course—
crosstalk
									
Stuart: —of the movie. Elliott: It is a—
elliott
									
—huge waste of everyone’s time.
stuart
									
Including ours! Uh… so of course, she’s deep in the stacks. Uh, she gets attacked by Slenderman. She kinda gets sucked into this weird, like, semi-, uh, like subdimension? Caught in the library. Slenderman—multiple Slendermans are coming after her. He eventually, uh, tracks her down and, like, pins her against the wall, and we get the, like, Slenderman version of the Alien 3 Alien and Ripley, like, almost-kiss scene?
dan
									
Mm-hm.
stuart
									
Where he leans in and he’s like, [deep voice] “Have you listened to my podcast?” [Laughs.] [Elliott laughs.]
elliott
									
And then she loses her own face, right?
crosstalk
									
Dan: Yeah. Stuart: Yeah. She loses—
crosstalk
									
Stuart: —loses her own face for a moment. Of course it’s just a trickeroony. What? Dan: And I wanted to say—yeah.
crosstalk
									
Dan: About the—the faceless— Elliott: Trickeroony?
elliott
									
Was that Andy Rooney’s rap name? [Stuart and Dan laugh.]
stuart
									
[Through laughter] Yeah, Trickeroony! [Dan laughs.]
elliott
									
Trickeroony? [Laughs.]
dan
									
Uh, the faceless Slenderman—you know, like the faceless creature is kind of, you know, creepy from a distance, but when we see Slenderman’s face up close? It just kinda looks like Styrofoam.
elliott
									
It’s what uh, in Clueless they would call a Matisse.
dan
									
Yeah.
stuart
									
Uh—
elliott
									
It does look like—well, it’s like Smiley, that way.
dan
									
Yeah.
elliott
									
Where it was like, oh, this is kind of a scary idea but when you see it actually on a person it just looks like a big fat man’s belly— [Dan laughs.] —with a— [Through laughter] —with a smiley face on it? [but his ear^] just looks like a belly.
stuart
									
There’s a—I mean, there’s a lot of points where… in general, any time they try to show the Slenderman, they’re like—we need to defi—like, make this character more definite. Like, we need to make this, like, a physical presence in the world. And I feel like what would make Slenderman scarier is for it to be vaguer and harder to see.
elliott
									
Yes.
stuart
									
But, y’know.
crosstalk
									
Stuart: Whatever. Elliott: Like it exists—
elliott
									
—just outside of the realm of perception almost.
stuart
									
Exactly. Or that—yeah. That it’s almost, like, something that would be believable and not like, a guy that’s like a giant tarantula man.
elliott
									
It just—it always looks like a guy in a suit hooping up to tarantula man. And it’s—it’s—the—it’s the, uh—
crosstalk
									
Stuart: Or was a tree— Elliott: While watching this—
stuart
									
—and then becomes a man that becomes a man with a tarantula body.
elliott
									
I mean, I’ve—that’s one way to look at evolution, sure. [Dan and Stuart laugh.] From tree to man to tarantu-man? Sure!
dan
									
Hey, I—I didn’t come from no tree!
elliott
									
Okay, Dan, we’ve talked to you about your— [Stuart laughs.] —evangelizing. Please, this Shocktober has gotten very invasive— [Dan chuckles.] —and—but, uh, I had the same experience watching this movie that I used to have when I used to watch the show Are You Afraid of the Dark? On Nickelodeon when I was a kid? Which is like, well it’s not scary, but if it was happening to me it would be scary! [Stuart laughs.] Like, it’s objectively a scary situation to be in, but to watch it is not scary.
dan
									
Yeah.
stuart
									
So at this point, uh… Wren has decided to go deeper into the conspiracy. Uh, Chloe has been driven mad. Her friends can’t e—like—just don’t wanna talk to her at all.
dan
									
Which basically just means like, she looks like a zombie. [Laughs.]
crosstalk
									
Dan: She’s got, like, sunken eyes. Stuart: Yeah, she looks—she’s a—yeah. She’s a vacant zombie. Elliott: Yeah.
elliott
									
She hasn’t slept in a number of days, yeah.
stuart
									
And uh—and—
elliott
									
She looks like a young parent.
stuart
									
And— [Laughs.] And Hallie is just trying to ignore it. She’s like, it’ll go away.
dan
									
Mm-hm.
stuart
									
So of course, she schedules a date with Tom.
elliott
									
Mm-hm.
stuart
									
Uh… how late the date is, I can’t tell. [Elliott laughs.] The scene where she’s like, “I don’t have time for this, Wren! I’m going on a date!” It already looks—it’s, like, full dark outside. [Laughs.] [Elliott laughs.]
elliott
									
Now, maybe ‘cause it’s fall-ish? It’s like—gets dark early? But it does seem like the date it as like 1 AM?
stuart
									
Yeah.
elliott
									
And Tom’s like, oh yeah, my parents are out for the night.
stuart
									
Yeah. The—it—yeah, it kinda feels like—I mean—
elliott
									
There’s something very Ice Storm-y about it.
stuart
									
Yeah, it also is very much—well, it feels very much like the— [Laughs.] —the the director was like, “This whole movie is gonna be like The Ring, where everything is dripping with menace and darkness—"
elliott
									
Yeah.
stuart
									
—and, yeah, it’s 2 AM all the time. Um, okay. So, uh—
elliott
									
Do you know who your kid—it’s 2 AM. Do you know where your kids are?
stuart
									
Yeah, over at Tom’s house!
crosstalk
									
Elliott: They’re at Tom’s house. Stuart: Yeah.
stuart
									
Uh, so—
elliott
									
[Through laughter] They’re—they’re—they’re at Tom’s house, being cock-blocked by the Slenderman. [Stuart laughs.]
stuart
									
Yeah, so. So at—Hallie and Tom’s date goes, uh, goes as well as you’d expect. Tom shows off his dad’s cool vinyl collection, then they start making out. And then— [Laughs.]
elliott
									
This was what—he plays this, like, sexy guitar jazz?
crosstalk
									
Elliott: I guess? Stuart: Yeah, yeah, yeah.
elliott
									
And it’s like—
crosstalk
									
Stuart: Would you describe it as— Elliott: Ohhh.
stuart
									
—smooth?
crosstalk
									
Elliott: It-extremely! It goes down real smooth!  [Stuart laughs.] Dan: Oh yeah, I forgot about that part.
dan
									
It’s like—yeah, he puts on this CD that’s like, are—
crosstalk
									
Elliott: No—uh, CD, Daniel? Dan: —these just—
dan
									
Uh-okay.
elliott
									
It is a—it is a vinyl album.
crosstalk
									
Dan: Okay. He puts on this— Stuart: Yeah! He—
stuart
									
—it’s so much warmer than a CD would be! [Laughs.] [Elliott laughs.]
dan
									
Sorry. He puts on this album that you’re just like, is this just all guitar solos? [Laughs.]
elliott
									
It is. It starts with it, and it’s like—but it—it feels like the background music of like a love scene in like a Beverly Hills 90210— [Dan laughs.] —or a Melrose Place? And I’m like, oh, when I was a teen, I shouldn’t ha—and I had a girl over—I shouldn’t have put on music I liked. I should’ve put on cliché sexy music. [Dan laughs.]
stuart
									
So yeah, they—
crosstalk
									
Stuart: —so they— Elliott: Just, like, the saxaphone from Baker Street—
elliott
									
—over and over again. [Dan laughs.]
stuart
									
So of course, they start making out. And then, like—it sounds like the vinyl is, uh, jumping around or skipping? Which is horrifying in and of itself. [Elliott laughs.] And then, uh—
elliott
									
Yeah, for a real audiohead like you. [Laughs.]
stuart
									
She—she—like, looks up and, uh, Tom is having this, like— [Laughs.] — crazy freakout that is the most cartoonish thing. [Laughs.]
elliott
									
It’s like they hired Tim and Eric to produce this freakout. Like—
crosstalk
									
Stuart: Yeah. Dan: Mm-hm.
elliott
									
—which, actually, I liked. It was like—
crosstalk
									
Stuart: Yeah, it’s great. Elliott: There were a couple—
elliott
									
There’re a couple moments in the movie where they feel like they’re using… the kind of, like, weirdo video effects that you can do now digitally?
stuart
									
Uh-huh.
elliott
									
In a way that I don’t often—I see a lot of horror movies seem to be doing the same effects you could get with film?
dan
									
Yeah.
elliott
									
But this, they’re doing like, uh, like—art video stuff? And I liked that a little bit.
crosstalk
									
Dan: Yeah, I want— Elliott: But it does look—
elliott
									
But it also seems really goofy. [Laughs.]
dan
									
I wanted—I wanted to get into that, uh, too. Like, at the climax when there’s like, a lot of like really crazy effects? Like, Slenderman effects? Like, I like the look of some of the weird horror shit that happens in this movie.
stuart
									
Uh-huh.
dan
									
The—the problem is, it all looks… pretty fake-y?
elliott
									
Yes.
dan
									
Like it’s—it’s cool-looking and really weird, but it also—because the rest of the movie is shot very realistically? It doesn’t fit in. Whereas if, like, this movie was Hausu or something—
stuart
									
Yeah.
dan
									
—like, it would be neat.
stuart
									
So… after her freakout, Hallie comes clean to Tom about her— [Laughs.] —Slenderman situation. Uh— [Dan laughs.] —and she, and Tom’s like— [Dan laughs.] —“Wait, is this the video?” And he finds the video immediately on his phone. She’s like, “You can’t watch that.” He’s like, [deep voice] “Okay.” She’s like, “Promise me you won’t watch it.” Next day in class, Tom shows up super freaked out. It feels like everybody but Hallie goes through their stages of Slenderman exposure so much faster. [Laughs.]
elliott
									
Yeah.
stuart
									
So, y’know, she’s not gonna get much help there. Um, and then—of course, her little sister, Lizzie, goes into shock. She must’ve watched that video. She goes to some spooky hospital, uh, where people—
crosstalk
									
Stuart: —with impossibly— Elliott: [Laughs.] Yes.
stuart
									
—long hair are getting their hair combed, or, like people with no faces are hanging out.
elliott
									
It’s St. Halloween’s— [Stuart laughs.] —Memorial Hospital.
stuart
									
Yeah. Uh… she realizes that Wre—that her sister has fallen into a coma, and she realizes that, uh, Wren is the one who exposed Lizzie to the Slenderman. So she goes to track down her friend Wren.
crosstalk
									
Stuart: She finds— Elliott: Now, was it—
elliott
									
—to get Wre—was—did Wren do it to get… Hallie? No. To get—who was the one who disappeared? Kelly?
crosstalk
									
Stuart and Elliott: Katie.
elliott
									
Did she do it to get Katie back, or is she just—not, like, was there some other rea—‘cause—it’s kinda—it’s—I mean, you—you—you say what happens next.
stuart
									
I mean, I would say—I—I thi—from what I can tell, she did it because of the whole idea that you have to sacrifice something you love.
crosstalk
									
Elliott: Uh-huh. And she’s always— Stuart: So she’s thinking—
elliott
									
—had a close relationship with Lizzie.
stuart
									
Yeah. And maybe, by giving up Lizzie, they’ll get their friend Katie back. Or—
crosstalk
									
Elliott: Save themselves. Oh, okay Stuart: Slenderman’ll stop. Yeah.
stuart
									
So… she goes to Wren’s house where Wren, of course, has her little evidence, uh, bedroom. That’s filled with more amazing Slenderman art.
elliott
									
Mm-hm.
stuart
									
Uh, and Wren is hanging outside—like, she’s, like, standing—
elliott
									
Now, Slenderman—now that I think about it, he’s basically just the Operation Ivy logo. Right?
crosstalk
									
Stuart: Yeah. Elliott: But—
elliott
									
But without the hat. [Stuart laughs.]
stuart
									
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Uh… and—and Slenderman probably likes SKA. [Laughs.] [Elliott laughs.]
elliott
									
You have to—you have to assume! He wears that skinny suit all the time, yeah!
stuart
									
So they— [Laughs.] — [Elliott laughs.] Uh—
elliott
									
He’s—he steals people and then he just takes them to his house to listen to Madness and Mustard Plug and stuff all the time.
stuart
									
Yeah, so she, like, while she’s there, uh, she’s like, going through Wren’s computer. I think at this point she finds evidence that the… person they were talking to on the internet—AlleyCat—was somebody who was driven mad by Slenderman. So I guess we closed the loop on that plot thread. Uh, and they find Wren—she’s, uh, standing on the edge of her, uh, her bedroom window. She’s going to jump. She’s trying to kill herself. Uh, Hallie pulls—
elliott
									
I mean, as Aerosmith would say, she’s livin’ on the edge.
stuart
									
Yeah.
elliott
									
She can’t keep herself from falling.
stuart
									
Hallie pulls her in—
crosstalk
									
Stuart: —to save her— Dan: Aerosmith would say that.
stuart
									
—and then—
elliott
									
In fact, they did! [Laughs.] [Dan laughs.]
stuart
									
And then, of course, so they pull her in and save her, and then almost immediately Slenderman yanks her out the window. [Elliott laughs.] She’s gone.
elliott
									
[Elliott laughs.] It’s one of those moments where you’re like, if Slenderman could do that, why didn’t he do it a hundred times before now?
stuart
									
Yeah. Yeah. I mean, it’s—
crosstalk
									
Dan: Look, if we could fathom the mind of slither—Slenderman. Slitherman! [Laughs.] Elliott: What is Slenderman’s schedule? Or Slitherman! [Laughs.]
elliott
									
Who I assume is a snake man?
dan
									
[Through laughter] Yeah.
elliott
									
The snake man from Jonah Hex, perhaps? [Dan laughs.] It’s kinda like how in It, It is both insanely powerful and also can be scared away if you yell too loud at it?
stuart
									
Yeah.
dan
									
[Laughs.] Yeah.
stuart
									
Yeah. The… so—Hallie at this point decides to, y’know, she’s like, comes up with some kind of a plan. She goes marching off into the woods. I think she’s going—she—her plan is confront Slenderman. She finds him. He’s standing there. And then he, like, sprouts big tarantula things. She immediately loses her cool, and she runs away, and he chases her, uh… Kinda like the giant, uh, robot arachnid in, uh, Wild Wild West. And she runs away and then— [Dan laughs.]
crosstalk
									
Stuart: She like— Elliott: I think that—
elliott
									
—was the inspiration for the scene.
stuart
									
Then she backs up against a tree. Of course that tree is a Slenderman tree. Uh, because Slenderman has turned into a tree, and then he turns her into a tree, and then…
elliott
									
Which is the epi—it’s the end of the children’s book The Slender Tree?
stuart
									
Uh-huh.
elliott
									
By Shel Slenderman. [Stuart and Dan laugh appreciatively.] [Through laughter] Shel Slenderstein.
stuart
									
Mm-hm.
elliott
									
Where the kid—the tree keeps giving and giving and giving until eventually it absorbs the child into its—into its bark.
dan
									
And the tree was happy. [Laughs.]
elliott
									
[Through laughter] Yeah. [Laughs.]
dan
									
‘Cause it ate a child. [Laughs.] [Elliott laughs.]
stuart
									
Uh, with—with her sacrifice—
dan
									
Only God could be this child. [Elliott laughs.]
stuart
									
Her little—
crosstalk
									
Elliott: [Through laughter] I think that I shall never see— Stuart: Her little sister, uh— [Dan laughs.]
elliott
									
—a poem as lovely as a Slenderman. [Laughs.] [Stuart laughs.]
elliott
									
You know, Slenderman Grows in Brooklyn is one of my— [Stuart^ laughs.] [Through laughter] —favorite coming-of-age stories!
stuart
									
Uh, Lizzie—Lizzie wakes up, her sister having sacrificed herself. Uh, and then she seems to have been—her—her time in her coma seems to have explained all the secrets in the universe, as she then lays out some nonsense about how we all—I believe it goes something like, “We all click on links, share stories, Photoshop images—all serving his word. Some people seek him out and do messed-up stuff.” [Elliott laughs.] And like, now knowing the actual, like, story behind some of this stuff, that’s, like, a super fucked-up way to end the movie.
crosstalk
									
Elliott: Yeah. Dan: I got a—
dan
									
—but also, like… I have to say that this is… if handled differently, this is, like… I know that this is sort of a cliched idea, but it’s also handled differently this is a frightening idea and maybe the first frightening idea in the movie and it comes at the very end of the movie because it sort of suggests, like… this movie itself may just be furthering Slenderman’s—
crosstalk
									
Dan: —y’know, agenda? Elliott: Yeah! It was done—
elliott
									
—much better in the movie In the Mouth of Madness.
dan
									
Right.
elliott
									
Where the—the implication is that by watching the movie, you have weakened the wall between our world and the world of these horrible things?
dan
									
Yeah.
elliott
									
Uh—and, so yeah! But it’s the idea that, uh… I mean like, I—I feel like that’s part of the—this thrill you’re supposed to get from The Ring? Is like, oh, maybe there’s something real about it that I shouldn’t have watched this and it—now it’s gonna come after me!
dan
									
Yeah.
elliott
									
The tingler! It’s in the theatre, everyone! [Stuart and Dan laugh.] Run for your lives! [Dan laughs at length.]
crosstalk
									
Elliott: Run for your lives! The tingler’s around! Stuart: Yeah, I mean—
stuart
									
In a lot of ways it feels like somebody was like… okay, so, why don’t we just do… uh… a Ring version, uh, with Slenderman.
elliott
									
Yeah. [Dan coughs.]
elliott
									
And it’s—and—if handled—yeah! If handled—it’s—there’s kind of a, uh, I think it’s like in one of those Ur, uh, ideas of horror is that, like, by—by observing it you have made it more real?
dan
									
Mm-hm.
elliott
									
And there is a good way to do it, and they’re like, reaching for it with their—with their wooden tarantula hands in this, but it’s—
stuart
									
Kinda like, uh… like Alan Moore’s Providence comic. Which is, like—how the way Lovecraft’s, uh, work spread out and did all that kind of crap.
elliott
									
But—but it’s like, uh… does—do you think—so do you think, Dan, that they had more substance in this movie and they just kind of had to cut it because it was totally tasteless?
crosstalk
									
Dan: I don’t know—I mean, like… [Sighs.] Elliott: ‘Cause it was 101 Totally Tasteless Jokes for Adults? [Dan and Stuart laugh.]
crosstalk
									
Dan: [Through laughter] Oh, boy. What’d they trim it down to? Like— Stuart: Remember the ‘90s? 90? Or 70? [Elliott laughs.] [Dan laughs.]
elliott
									
[Through laughter] They cut it down to—I think they just burned the book.
stuart
									
Oh wow! That’s, uh, I mean that’s a rough editing job! [Elliott laughs.] But… harsh, but fair!
crosstalk
									
Stuart: That’s what I’d say. Dan: I don’t know, ‘cause—
dan
									
—it feels like if they were really, like, up—like, trying to respect the real-life tragedy, they just [Through laughter] wouldn’t have done it! [Laughs.]
elliott
									
Yeah.
crosstalk
									
Dan: Uh, but— Stuart: Yeah, but like— [Laughs.]
stuart
									
Like, they—they put money into a movie, that movie’s gotta make money.
dan
									
[Laughs.] Yeah. But instead they just were like—let’s just make it disjointed!
elliott
									
I mean, unless this was a nonprofit from the Slenderman Awareness Association.
dan
									
Yeah.
elliott
									
Or SMAA.
stuart
									
I mean— [Dan breaks into laughter.]
dan
									
[Through laughter] I don’t know why that made me laugh. It’s just simply you—
stuart
									
SMAA?
dan
									
[Through laughter] —putting the letters together.
elliott
									
Yeah!
stuart
									
I mean, if you—if—if a studio is going to prevent the release of a movie like The Hunt, and instead, uh… release, uh…
crosstalk
									
Stuart: Slenderman. Dan: Red [inaudible^].
dan
									
Like— [Laughs.]
elliott
									
Well it’s not the same studio, I don’t think. [Laughs.]
stuart
									
No, I know. But it’s the same sort of like mentality of, like, not releasing a movie because it’s vaguely connected to a tragedy and… one of them seems only the slightest—has the slightest connection, whereas Slenderman seems to be great—closely connected to an actual tragedy.
elliott
									
Now would it be—now would it be, uh… worse or better than if it was more connected, like, say The Haunting of Sharon Tate? Which is an incredibly exploitative movie in which they’re basically saying if Sharon Tate and her friends had tried a little harder—
stuart
									
Yeah.
elliott
									
—they’d still be alive today.
stuart
									
Yeah. And not—what—ghosts? Are they ghosts?
crosstalk
									
Elliott: At the end I think they’re ghosts but they’re happy ghosts? Stuart: Like, the movie suggests that they’re ghosts—yeah. Dan: Mm-hm. Elliott: Yeah.
elliott
									
‘Cause gho—you can’t spell “ghost” without “h” for “happy.”
stuart
									
Uh-huh. [Laughs.]
elliott
									
Get happy, or stop… terrifying strangers. [Laughs.] “GHOSTS.”
stuart
									
[Through laughter] Oh yeah. Yeah. Ghosts. Yeah. [Laughs.]
stuart
									
Wow. Cool.
elliott
									
[Through laughter] That’s what “ghosts” stands for.
stuart
									
Thanks.
dan
									
Okay. Um, well—uh, let’s do our final judgments. Is this, uh… totally terrifying? Wait, was that it? Wait—
crosstalk
									
Elliott: You’re the keeper of its—of the—of the B.S., Dan! Dan: Wait, hold—hold on. This is— [Laughs.]
dan
									
“Totally scare-ifying?”
elliott
									
Totally scare-ifying—
crosstalk
									
Elliott: —totally snore-ifying. Or frighteningly funny. Dan: Totally snore-ifying or frighteningly funny. Yeah.
dan
									
Uh, I’m gonna say it’s pretty snore-ifying. I think that… the thing about it is, like… what’s scary about Slenderman on the internet is kind of your personal connection to Slenderman? Like, you’re going down that same—
crosstalk
									
Dan: —rabbit hole— Elliott: Well he’s like—
elliott
									
—Charles Barkley. He’s friends with so many people you would never would have guessed. [Laughs.]
crosstalk
									
Dan: Oh god. I’m just— [sighs.] Stuart: Yeah. Elliott: Just—just—
elliott
									
—ordinary folks whose lives are touched in a beautiful way by Slenderman. [Stuart laughs.]
dan
									
I’m just saying that, like, I could see how it’s scary at home, where you’re, like, sitting alone in front of the computer going down this, like, rabbit hole of, like, here’s this Slenderman story that leads to this other—other Slenderman story, and maybe I am giving him more power? Maybe he’s like, gonna come into my—like, you have that personal experience of, like, relating to this thing? Whereas in the movie, we’re watching other people get on the internet and [Through laughter] learn about Slenderman and it just doesn’t have the same… zazz. I don’t know.
stuart
									
Not enough zazz. Yeah. I mean it— [Dan laughs.] [Elliott laughs.] Like—
elliott
									
This—if I was giving notes, I’d be like, “terminal lack of zazz.” [Laughs.] [Dan laughs.]
stuart
									
I feel like we could, uh, like… let’s—let’s ignore the obvious relationship, uh, the metaphor here, between Slenderman and vaping. Right? [Dan and Elliott laugh.]
crosstalk
									
Elliott: I mean, it’s kinda—it’s kinda right out there! It’s hard to ignore it, I guess! Dan: [Through laughter] Um. Okay. It’s—so— [Laughs.]
stuart
									
I just—I feel like—I feel like—I’m going out on a limb here, but I feel like we should take a stand against, uh… instead of having so many firearms on our street and less being worried about Slendermans on our street.
dan
									
[Through laughter] Okay. [Laughs.] [Stuart laughs.]
elliott
									
[Through laughter] Wow. And so are you running for office, I guess?
stuart
									
Uh—
elliott
									
I mean, more people have been killed by vaping than by Slenderman, so.
stuart
									
[Through laughter] That’s true! So part of it is the… like, it—this movie feels so padded out. Uh… there’s like, so many dream sequences and there’s so many dream sequences that are, like, nested on each other? I did like the—the one bit where—where Hallie is in the bathroom and then she looks down and she’s got a big old belly?
elliott
									
Yeah.
stuart
									
And then all of a sudden, like, a baby Slenderman comes out? And I’m like “Son of Slenderman” already? [Laughs.] [Elliott laughs.]
elliott
									
The sequel’s in the movie?
stuart
									
Yeah. The—but, no. It—like, it’s— [sighs.] It’s—I mean, it feels inevitable, and I guess in a way, like, the—that’s the whole point, but… there’s just so little there and it’s hard to get scared at a movie that doesn’t seem to… like—it—not only does it know its own rules, it doesn’t seem to care.
crosstalk
									
Elliott: It’s a—it’s a horror movie— Stuart: Yeah.
elliott
									
—that doesn’t seem to be that interested in scaring you? Or having, really, much of a response from you? And like the thing—there’s—there are two styles fighting against each other? Especially as the movie goes on and they’re trying to scare it up by having more intense dream sequences? There’s this style that is very removed and very… there’s almost, like, a haze between you and the film. And that can work if you lean all the way into it. Like, I mentioned Picnic at Hanging Rock before. That’s that movie. That movie is—there’s like a weird scrim between you and the film, and it adds to this mystic feel—like, kind of ambiguity around the movie. Or you make it totally in-your-face, y’know, scary-intense. But it—you can’t quite mesh the two or at least they haven’t done it here. And so I’m gonna have to say snore-ifying too, although there are things that—yeah, Dan if, they’d been handled better—if it had been made better, it might’ve been a better movie.
dan
									
[Through laughter] Wow.
elliott
									
I’m gonna go with Dan McCoy’s Law, which is— [Through laughter] if it was a better movie, it would’ve been better.
dan
									
Yep.
music
									
[Light, up-tempo, electric guitar with synth instruments.]
promo
									
Music: Quiet rock. Aimee Mann: Hello, this is Aimee Mann. Ted Leo: And I'm Ted Leo. Aimee: And we have a podcast called The Art of Process. Ted: We've been lucky enough over the past year to talk to some of our friends and acquaintances from across the creative spectrum to find out how they actually work. Speaker 1: And so I have to write material that makes sense and makes people laugh. I also have to think about what I'm saying to people. Speaker 2: If I kick your ass, I'll make you famous. Speaker 3: The fight to get LGBTQ representation in the show. Ted & Aimee: Mm-hm. Speaker 4: We weirdly don't know as many musicians as you would expect. Speaker 5: I really just became a political speech writer by accident. Speaker 6: I'm realizing that I have accidentally, uhhh, pulled my pants down. [Someone starts to laugh.] Ted: Listen and subscribe at MaximumFun.org or wherever you get your podcasts. Speaker 7: It's like if the guinea pig was complicit in helping the scientist. [Music ends.]
promo
									
[Radio interference followed by laidback music with a snare drum beat. A phone rings as the DJ speaks.] Radio DJ: Welcome back to Fireside Chat on KMAX. With me in-studio to take your calls is the dopest duo on the West Coast, Oliver Wang and Morgan Rhodes. [Click.] Go ahead, caller. Caller: Hey. Uh, I’m looking for a music podcast that’s insightful and thoughtful, but like, also helps me discover artists and albums that I’ve never heard of. Morgan Rhodes: Yeah, man. Sounds like you need to listen to Heat Rocks. Every week, myself—and I’m Morgan Rhodes—and my co-host here, Oliver Wang, talk to influential guests about a canonical album that has changed their lives. Oliver Wang: Guests like Moby, Open Mike Eagle, talk about albums by Prince, Joni Mitchell, and so much more. Caller: Yooo! What’s that show called again? Morgan: Heat Rocks. Deep dives into hot records. Oliver: Every Thursday on Maximum Fun. [Music suddenly gives way to static and a dial tone.]
dan
									
The Flop House is brought to you in part by Casper. Casper’s new hybrid mattresses comblo—combline—
crosstalk
									
Dan: What—what do they— [breaks off, laughing.] Elliott: Yep. They can “bline” anything. [Stuart laughs.]
crosstalk
									
Dan: [Through laughter] Yeah, that’s our guarantee to you! Stuart: That’s why you gotta—that’s why you gotta wear shades. [All three laugh.]
elliott
									
Your bed—your bedtime’s so bright, you have to wear shades! [Dan laughs.] Please, protective eyewear when necessary.
dan
									
[Through laughter] They—the hybrid mattresses combine the pressure relief of their award-winning foam with durable, yet gentle, springs.
elliott
									
They took cutting-edge mattress technology and where the DNA gaps were not accessible, they put frog DNA. [Stuart laughs.] [Laughs.] It’s created a hybrid that certainly could never get loose and destroy the park. [Dan laughs.]
dan
									
This new innovation offers the best of both worlds: luxurious comfort, and resilient support. Even with springs, these mattresses still come magically in a box that simply arrives on your doorstep.
stuart
									
Guys, without you, and your resilient support—
elliott
									
Oh.
stuart
									
—I don’t think I could get through this.
crosstalk
									
Dan: Oh, thanks. Elliott: And yet—
elliott
									
—we come in a box that arrives on your doorstep. [Dan and Stuart giggle.]
dan
									
Uh— [Laughs.] The copy makes it sound like the magical thing is that the box arrives on your doorstep, and you—you know, people do get packages. I think the magical thing is a—
crosstalk
									
Dan: —whole mattress—fits in a box. Stuart: I don’t know. You’re always complaining about not getting packages. [Laughs.] Dan: That’s true. [Laughs.] Elliott: Yeah, I’ve read—
elliott
									
—your Twitter feed. You’re constantly like, “It takes magic to get a package in this world!”
dan
									
That’s fair.
elliott
									
I think it’s funny also—
stuart
									
“Dear Gandalf—" [Elliott laughs.] [Dan and Stuart chuckle.]
elliott
									
“Dear Mercury, the messenger God…”
dan
									
Uh, you can be sure of your purchase with Casper’s 100-Night, Risk-Free, Sleep On It trial. So get $50 toward select mattresses by visiting Casper.com/flophouse and using “FLOPHOUSE” at checkout. That’s Capser.com/flophouse and using “FLOPHOUSE” at checkout. Terms and conditions apply.
elliott
									
That’s Casper! The ghost-iest of the mattresses!
stuart
									
Mm-hm.
dan
									
Um…
elliott
									
‘Cause it’s named after Kaspar Hauser.  [Stuart laughs.]
dan
									
So, uh, no other… corporate sponsors, but we have a couple of Jumbotrons.
crosstalk
									
Elliott: You know it! That’s the biggest tron they make! Dan: He goes [deep voice] “Jumbotronnn!”
stuart
									
Uh, Elliott, I believe you have the longer of the two, so… perhaps you should go first.
elliott
									
Sure! This is a message for Karen and John, soon-to-be-name-withheld, and this message is from Gabe, Fletch, and Nick. And the message goes a-like-a this: “Dear Karen and John, Congratulations on your marriage! And there is no better way to celebrate but by paying The Original Peaches to yell it from the pod-top! Whether it’s Elliott singing a song, Stu cracking open a beer, or Dan doing his best Mr. Burns ‘Excellent,’ as Karen’s butt becomes a wife’s butt, we are so happy to see you two together. Forever.” Mazel tov! That’s great news! Congratulations!
stuart
									
Yeah! Uh, and I also have a Jumbotron.
dan
									
[Faux surprised voice] What?!
stuart
									
[Speaking slowly] This message— [Elliott laughs.] —is for Kyle. The message is from Johanna. “Kyle, I miss you. We need to update the crayon list. You’re a good dino boy. Love, Jo.”
dan
									
It’s true. The crayon list does need to be updated.
crosstalk
									
Elliott: Dan, don’t— Stuart: Mm-hm.
elliott
									
—pretend you know what they’re talking about. [Dan laughs.]
crosstalk
									
Dan: [Through laughter] If I said it once— Elliott: This is their—
elliott
									
—this is a very intimate message—
crosstalk
									
Elliott: —between two people. You—you don’t— Dan: —I’ve said it a thousand times.
elliott
									
Do not try to horn in on their—on their lives. [Dan laughs.]
crosstalk
									
Stuart: I’m— Elliott: It’s a real—
elliott
									
—You, Me, and Dupree type scenario— [Stuart laughs.] —going on right now.
stuart
									
I simply allow the spirit of the message to enter me. [Dan laughs.] And come out of my mouth. [Laughs.]
elliott
									
[Laughs.] You’re—every time Stuart finishes Jumbotron, he then goes, “Huh? Wha—where am I? What happened?” [Dan and Stuart laugh.]
stuart
									
Has—Hey olis, poured forth from my mouth! [Elliott laughs.]
dan
									
[Through laughter] I simply allow the words on the page to enter my eyes.
stuart
									
Mm-hm.
dan
									
And come out… through my voice. So we don’t have any more shows. We did our last show—
elliott
									
The, uh—live shows. [Stuart and Dan laugh.] This is not the last episode of The Flop House. We have—
dan
									
We don’t have any more live shows—
crosstalk
									
Dan: —for this year. Elliott: Last night in L.A. was our— Stuart: [High-pitched voice] What if it was? [Laughs.] [Elliott laughs.]
elliott
									
You know what, guys? We’re done. So close. Almost made it to 300. Well, we uh—we’re—yeah. That was our last live show. We have none more scheduled—as of yet! We will schedule more… someday.
dan
									
Yeah. So, I don’t know if you guys have other things—
crosstalk
									
Elliott: [Singing to the tune of “Somewhere” from West Side Story] There’s a show for us. Dan: —to play, but.
elliott
									
[Singing] Somewhere a show—
crosstalk
									
Dan: A lotta musicals this— Elliott: [Still singing] —for us! Stuart: Yeah, yeah. Dan: —episode.
elliott
									
[Singing] And the show is in a city… most likely…
dan
									
[Singing to the tune of “76 Trombones” from The Music Man] 76 more shows over the next several years. [Laughs.] [Elliott laughs.]
elliott
									
[Through laughter] Wow, that’s—really upping our—our number!
stuart
									
[Through laughter] Yep. That’s a pretty big commitment. [Laughs.] [Dan laughs.]
elliott
									
Uh, as always, Dan, I’d love to roll my children’s book, Horse Meets Dog.
stuart
									
Uh-huh.
elliott
									
I have another children book coming out next year. I’ll tell you more about it as we get closer to it. And—get ready, podcast listeners—because at some point, John Hodgman and I will begin releasing the episodes of—oh, Max Fun will begin releasing—John and I are not doing the work of the actual releasing. That’ll be Jordan who’s doing the work of that. Uh… they—uh, Jordan Kauwling, that is! Who’s listening to this right now, so I better say nice things or else technical difficulties will kill all of us! [Laughs.]
crosstalk
									
Dan: I mean— Stuart: Oh, she’s tearing—
stuart
									
—a framed photo of you in half! She’s—
stuart^
									
Frame and all! [Elliott laughs.]
elliott
									
[Through laughter] Tore the frame?! But—John—
crosstalk
									
Elliott: —Hodgman— Dan: She’s listening to us—
dan
									
—every episode, Elliott. Not just the ones where we’re—
elliott
									
[Feigning surprise] What?! [Laughs.]
dan
									
[Through laughter] —at HQ. [Stuart laughs.]
elliott
									
Uh, but Hodgman and I are doing a—have—we’ll have a podcast coming up soon called I, Podius. We are watching the series I, Claudius. This is a touchstone series of John Hodgman’s life; I have never seen it before. I’m familiar with the books but not the show, and uh, we’re hoping to interview some of the actors who are—
crosstalk
									
Elliott: —in the show! Stuart: Oh, that’s really cool. And— Dan: Yeah, Elliott, is this—
stuart
									
—that’s part of the bonus content, right?
elliott
									
I think it’s actually gonna be public release.
crosstalk
									
Stuart and Dan: Wowww!
elliott
									
Everyone can hear it. Everyone!
stuart
									
But for bonus fans, we should have another episode up of our Flop Tales that we’re moving through. Uh… Episode 3 should be dropping soon— [Dan laughs.] —and that is where I make Dan, Elliott, and Juben play a roleplaying game with me, and, uh… you know.
dan
									
And after a long hiatus, we will—we’ll be recording the final episode of this series.
crosstalk
									
Elliott: I like that— Dan: Soon.
dan
									
And I will desperately try to remember what [Through laughter] happened in the last three episodes.
elliott
									
Stuart is li—we’re gonna ha—I guess we’ll have to listen. Stuart’s always like, you guys aren’t picking up on the clues! And I’m like, I don’t remember what my character is, where we are—
dan
									
Yeah. [Laughs.]
elliott
									
—what’s going on. [Dan laughs.]
dan
									
The problem is, Juben as well had a child, so it—you know.
stuart
									
I mean, I don’t think that’s a-
crosstalk
									
Elliott: No, that’s a great thing. Stuart: —problem, that’s a blessing. Dan: A problem for us.
elliott
									
Dan’s like, “It’s a problem”—
crosstalk
									
Stuart: Scheduling. Elliott: —the earth can—
elliott
									
—barely sustain the number of humans— [Stuart laughs.] —it has on it right now.
dan
									
I mean, I kinda believe that, but, uh… you know, he can do whatever he wants. Um…
elliott
									
Alright, Miley Cyrus over here.
stuart
									
And I’m also gonna plug, uh, my bar, Hinterlands, and my wife’s bars, Minnie’s Bar and Charlene’s Bar. Minnie’s Bar just started doing, uh, they just started doing karaoke on Saturday nights! Where I’m assuming Dan McCoy will ramble in every once in a while and sing such party favorites as “The Monster Mash”—
crosstalk
									
Dan: Yup, I did sing that. Stuart: —and some song—
stuart
									
—by REM.
dan
									
I did sing “Monster Mash” at the first— [Laughs.] Night.
dan^
									
To, um—
crosstalk
									
Stuart: I would say actually, you— Dan: —acceptance. General acceptance. [Laughs.]
stuart
									
—you had a much better reaction than I was—would expect. [Dan laughs.]
dan
									
Well, ‘tis the season. Anyway. [Laughs.] Let’s move on to letters. From listeners like you. This first letter is from Emily, last name withheld.
stuart
									
Mm-hm.
dan
									
And Emily writes: “Hi, Floppers! I’m  hoping you can settle an argument.”
elliott
									
Yes!
dan
									
“When my—” [Laughs.] Okay.
crosstalk
									
Stuart: Well— [Laughs.] Elliott: We did it!
dan
									
Asked and answered! Uh, “When my partner and I first got together, we had a lot of DVDs.”
stuart
									
Uh-huh.
dan
									
“A couple of years into our relationship, we decided to pull the trigger and [dramatic voice] merge collections!”
stuart
									
Wow.
dan
									
“Since then, our DVD collection has sat, gathering dust in the corner of our living room, on a number of rickety IKEA shelves. 99—"
elliott
									
Wait, wait, I just want to stop and praise Dan for the way he pronounced “rickety.” [Stuart laughs.]
dan
									
Well, thanks? I mean, this happens so rarely that I’m gonna take just a moment to enjoy it, but uh…
elliott
									
Hey, look. Infinite number of monkeys— [Dan laughs.] —an infinite number of typewriters, eventually you’re gonna pronounce something right.
dan
									
[Laughs.] Okay. Well, uh… “99% of the time we stream movies. In the rare case we want to watch a movie from our collection, we usually remember it’s a plain old DVD and not a Blu-Ray copy. So we download/rent a Blu-way—Blu-Ray copy.”
elliott
									
I spoke too soon! [Stuart laughs.]
dan
									
“And stream it to the TV.”
elliott
									
“Rickety” was fine, but “Blu-Ray” apparently didn’t—
crosstalk
									
Elliott: —make it past— Dan: I mean— [Laughs.]
elliott
									
—the velvet rope. [Laughs.]
stuart
									
I mean, “Blu-ray” is actually a very strange thing to say. Shouldn’t the movie be called a “Blu-way”? Because that’s the way you’re watching it! [Laughs.] [Elliott laughs.]
elliott
									
What, blue? [Dan laughs.]
elliott
									
I mean, I don’t even know why it’s called Blu-ray, to be honest.
stuart
									
[Through laughter] It’s—that’s the kind of laser beam it shoots at your fucking disk! [Dan laughs.]
elliott
									
A blue ray?
stuart
									
[Laughs.] Yeah, it’s a blue ray!
elliott
									
And blue is spelled “Blu”? [Dan and Stuart laugh.]
crosstalk
									
Dan: I—I just wanna say— Stuart: That’s actually—
stuart
									
—a good point. Maybe it’s an acronym for “Blazing Laser Under Your Disk.” [Laughs.] [Elliott and Dan laugh.]
elliott
									
[Through laughter] Wait, so where’s your disk come in?
crosstalk
									
Stuart: It’s all part—it’s all mushed together! Elliott: [Through laughter] It’s your— [Laughs.]
dan
									
I—I just wanted to say that I mispronounce a word now does not take away the proper pronunciation of a different word— [Stuart giggles.]
crosstalk
									
Elliott: They cancel each other out. Dan: — in the past.
elliott
									
Like matter and anti-matter. Pasta and anti-pasto.
dan
									
Uh— [breaks off, laughing.] [Stuart laughs.]
elliott
									
Newly and Antony Newly.
dan
									
Okay. Well, uh, Emily continues to write—or—or I continue to read Emily’s words, rather— [Laughs.]
elliott
									
Oh, thanks for clearing that up. [Dan and Stuart laugh.]
stuart
									
It’s cooking along this letter! [Elliott laughs.]
dan
									
Well, you guys are the—okay. “I have suggested that we donate or—or sell off our DVD collections—"
stuart
									
Mm-hm.
dan
									
“—holding on to a few good favorites. I think it would be nice to free up some space in the living room.”
stuart
									
Uh-huh.
dan
									
“But no doing. My partner is convinced that the fall of the internet is nigh, and at least we’ll still have our precious DVDs to sell on the postapocalyptic streets at a profit.”
stuart
									
Yeah.
dan
									
“My question to you is: which side are you on? The Marie Kondo purge, or hoarding for the apocalypse?” That’s Emily, last name withheld.
elliott
									
Guys, if I can jump in ‘cause I actually been thinking about this a lot lately.
crosstalk
									
Stuart: Uh-huh! Dan: Mm-hm.
elliott
									
When I moved from New York to LA, I went through a big VHS videotape purge. I said, I haven’t watched any of these tapes for at least five years. I don’t even own a machine that plays them. I don’t need ‘em anymore. So I gave them all away. The movies I taped off television, I threw away. The factory-produced, manufactured videos I gave away. And… I don’t regret that. But. Lately, I’ve been regretting how much I rely on streaming rather than buying DVDs, because I’ve had a number of experiences where I wanna watch a movie, and I cannot get access to it readily.
dan
									
Yeah.
elliott
									
And, luck—sometimes I own it on DVD and that’s great and it’s wonderful, and even if it’s not a Blu-ray, come on. Don’t be a snob. It’s still the movie. I—you—I used to watch stuff on VHS tape where the best you could get was that it looked crappy. So—but—now I’m realizing a lot of movies are not making it to streaming, especially older movies, because there is not a huge amount of profit in that. So companies don’t wanna waste the space on it. And I think there will come a time when… it dawns on people? Oh, I don’t own anything. And I have to pay… every time I watch a thing. The same way that, like, I don’t own a lot of music and I wish that I did. And at any moment, Apple could just take away all the albums that I have. So I am actually on the other side of it now, and I am pro-physical media, though I wasn’t before. But, here’s the thing! Are those DVDs in their boxes still? Throw those fucking boxes away! Put ‘em—
crosstalk
									
Elliott: —into DVD books. Stuart: Yeah, yeah, yeah.
elliott
									
You don’t need those boxes! Those are wastes—wastes of space! What, does it look nice on your—on your shelf? No. Put some books in there, look classy, and then put the DVDs disks—‘cause you can keep the booklets—
crosstalk
									
Elliott: —if you want. Stuart: Especially if—
stuart
									
—those were those, uh, those fucking cardboard, uh, DVD cases?
elliott
									
Yeah!
stuart
									
With the little, like, plastic snap on the side?
crosstalk
									
Elliott: Yeah, it looks like garbage! Stuart: It’s fucking garbage! Yeah.
elliott
									
Take—slide out the—the—the insert cover. Recycle that. Throw the rest away, and just take the disk and put it in, like, a—in the disk book, put it in a closet! You don’t need to look at it.
dan
									
Yeah.
elliott
									
But you’ll have it for when you wanna watch it.
stuart
									
Yeah. I mean, I feel bad that I got rid of, uh, got rid of my LaserDisc collection, ‘cause— [Dan laughs.] —now I have nothing to chop up and snort cocaine off of. [Laughs.] [Elliott laughs.]
dan
									
[Through laughter] Wait, how do you have to chop it up?
stuart
									
Yeah, you gotta, like—
crosstalk
									
Elliott: The cocaine. Stuart: —chop it up in a line!
stuart
									
Yeah. It’s cocaine.
dan
									
[Through laughter] Oh, the cocaine is being chopped up. [Laughs.]
crosstalk
									
[Dan laughs.] Stuart: Not the LaserDisc! That’s insane! Elliott: You wouldn’t— [Laughs.] Dan: [Through laughter] The LaserDisc!
stuart
									
That’s my T2 LaserDisc! [All three laugh.]
elliott
									
But even then, they—there are people who got rid of the LaserDiscs and there are things on those LaserDiscs often that are not available anymore. Like there’s—
dan
									
Yeah.
elliott
									
—either documentary features or things like that, or better versions of movies, or.
crosstalk
									
Stuart: No, I—I mean— Elliott: The old versions—
elliott
									
—of the Star Wars movies.
stuart
									
I really—I really feel that with movies. And there’s definitely stuff that I’m glad I have that I can watch whenever I want, any time I’m hankering for some Riki-Oh: Story of Ricky, and if… for some reason, it doesn’t make—it’s not profitable for a streaming service to carry it, I can just watch it. Uh, I’ve—just have to have a thing to play my DVD. Uh, with music it’s a little different though! I—I find that I’ve been, uh, I—I buy a lot of my stuff off of Bandcamp?
elliott
									
Uh-huh.
stuart
									
And obviously I’d be nervous if Bandcamp would go away. But that lets you download the actual audio files, so it’s a little different than just, like, iTunes.
elliott
									
That’s different.
stuart
									
But it’s all, like—it’s mainly modern stuff. ‘Cause I’m kinda young and hip and I support— [Elliott laughs.] —modern artists? So, yeah.
dan
									
Yeah. I don’t—I don’t—I don’t have a whole lot to add to what’s been said. I agree with Elliott for the reasons that he cites, and also—
stuart
									
Stuart about the LaserDisc thing.
dan
									
Yeah. [Laughs.] [Elliott laughs.] And also, y’know, even if a… movie is available to stream on a service that’s either free or you’re already paying for, y’know, the way that licensing works, they usually just license those movies for a certain amount of time, and it’s here today and gone tomorrow. So, like… yeah. I like having it around, although… with streaming, I have curtailed my DVD collecting a little bit.
elliott
									
I don’t buy as much as I used to, but I’m starting to buy more ‘cause I realized, like, I wanted to watch The Thin Man the other night—
crosstalk
									
Stuart: Mm-hm. Dan: Mm-hm.
elliott
									
I own it on DVD—
stuart
									
Uh—Slenderman, you mean? [Laughs.]
elliott
									
Yeah, yes. [Laughs.] [Through laughter] Sle—The Thin Man, the original Slenderman! [Stuart laughs.] And—‘cause it’s one of my favorite movies—Thin Man, not Slenderman—and, like, it felt really good— [Dan laughs.] —that I could just take—
stuart
									
I would love to see the, like, DVD box for Slenderman, where they edit [Through laughter] that—that—"one of my favorite movies … Slenderman.” [Laughs.] [Elliott laughs boisterously; Dan laughs.]
elliott
									
And it felt good to be able to, like, okay, I can just pull it out of the DVD booklet and stick it in the machine and I don’t have to, like, find it; I don’t’ have to hope that the internet connection’s gonna stay up or something like that, you know. I like—I’m—I’m coming around to liking physical media. I never moved from physical books to digital books?
stuart
									
Uh-huh.
elliott
									
And I’m glad, ‘cause I like—I think physical books I’d—I’d be worried more about losing books and things like that.
dan
									
Uh, sorry, I have—about to sneeze, maybe.
elliott
									
Dan’s suddenly acting like there’s an invisible bee that’s—
crosstalk
									
Elliott: —flying around his head. Stuart: Yeah, I— [Dan laughs.]
stuart
									
I—I do a lot of digital books, to be honest with you, but I keep like my favorites. Especially with, like, graphic novels.
elliott
									
Yeah.
stuart
									
Like, my favorites.
elliott
									
Oh—do gra—comics is different. Now I’m all—I’m all—almost all digital on that.
stuart
									
Uh-huh.
crosstalk
									
Stuart: I wanna see—I wanna see— Dan: This is fascinating.
stuart
									
—you get a—y’know, the—the—anniversary cube of the Akira collection, which of course you can’t get that on digital. That’s—that’s silly!
elliott
									
The thing is, I wanna get it but I already have all those books.
crosstalk
									
Elliott: I’ve [inaudible]—when— Stuart: Yeah, I bought ‘em—this is like, the fourth or fifth printing I have—okay. Go on. Dan: Okay. This is just…great. Great audio. Elliott: Look, I have so many different printings of, like, Hellboy. How many different printings can I get? Stuart: Yeah, but there’s the—
stuart
									
—there’s the great supplementary materials that are all about—
crosstalk
									
Stuart: —like, unused— Dan: Moving on!
stuart
									
—art for the—
elliott
									
But didn’t they publish it—
crosstalk
									
Dan: Oh, god. Elliott: —with the Japanese sound effects?
elliott
									
I can’t read Japanese! I don’t know what that’s saying!
crosstalk
									
Dan: Leo— Elliott: How do I know—
elliott
									
—if it says “Karang!” or “Kabash!”
dan
									
Leo, last name—
elliott
									
Uncle Leo?! [Laughs.]
dan
									
[Through laughter] Leo, last name withheld, writes this: “Dear Peaches, My girlfriend and I need help. So I’m throwing myself at the feet of your sage and august tribunal.” A lotta relationship, uh, help we’re handing out today.
elliott
									
What is this, Savage Love?! [Stuart laughs.]
dan
									
“Last month, Stephanie and I had to make a somewhat long drive for apple-picking purposes.” [Elliott and Stuart laugh.] [Through laughter] “Nearly two hours one way. And we knew that the only entertainment worthy of our mission was The Flop House.”
elliott
									
You got that right!
dan
									
The official podcast—
crosstalk
									
Dan: —of apple picking! [Laughs.] Elliott: You know you love us, baby! [Laughs.]
dan
									
“I have been talking up the glories of Frank DeAngelo and Neil Bream, so we planned to listen to the No Deposit and Fateful Findings episodes—both Smallvember classics. Now for a long time, I’ve politely have insisted that the name of the month is Small-vember—"
elliott
									
Thank you. Mm-hm.
dan
									
“—and she politely rejects my logic on its face. Claiming that it is Small-tember.”
elliott
									
Nope!
dan
									
“The round trip for apples was apparently the last straw, because we could hardly contain our laughter while arguing about the matter in Target a few days later. That is what it’s come to—public displays of animosity over the made-up name of our favorite movie podcast, small-production-themed, September episodes. Please, Peaches—how can we resolve this difference between us? Perhaps you’d favor us with a vote? There are three of you! Sincerely, Leo, last name withheld.”
stuart
									
Wow. Leo has really painted a picture— [Elliott laughs.] —of apple picking podcasting and product purchasing at Target! [Laughs.]
dan
									
Were you thinking of that while I was reading, or?
stuart
									
Yeah— [through laughter] you can see—you can see the steam coming out of my ears? [Dan and Elliott laugh.] As the gears—
crosstalk
									
Stuart: —are working? [Laughs.] Elliott: [Through laughter] As he flipped through a dictionary?
dan
									
Now, if I recall cl—correctly, I… uh…
elliott
									
Oh, and you could also call “collect-ly,” as you were about to say! [Dan and Stuart laugh.] The other person takes the charges. [Laughs.]
dan
									
Yeah. Uh… yeah. We—we—
crosstalk
									
Stuart: I wish I could—uh, I wish I could do that. [Laughs.] Dan: —had a baby. It’s a boy. [Elliott laughs.]
dan
									
No, um— [Laughs.] No, if I recall correctly—
stuart
									
Yup.
dan
									
—I coined the name for that month, but I misspoke the first time around, saying “Small-vember,” thinking that that was the pun that made sense. [Laughs.] Then realizing that the month was September—
elliott
									
And not Sep-vember.
dan
									
Yeah. So… Small…-tember?
elliott
									
Honestly, the origin of it is lost to history.
crosstalk
									
Dan: Yeah. Stuart: Uh-huh.
elliott
									
I think it’s funnier to call it “Small-vember,” when it’s in Sep-tember, and I like the sound of it more.
crosstalk
									
Stuart: Uh-huh. I’m— Dan: And I’m—
dan
									
—a stickler for logic, so I say Small-tember.
crosstalk
									
Stuart: Let’s see… Elliott: And I like—I’m—I’m more—
elliott
									
—like a go by my gut kind of like, hey, whatever feels right! Do what your body wants!
stuart
									
I’m kinda—I’m kinda caught between two warring houses here.
dan
									
Mm-hm.
stuart
									
On one hand, I could side with Dan, or I could side with the correct one— [Dan laughs.] —which is Elliott. [All three laugh.]
dan
									
Well, you’re not gonna change my behavior. [Stuart laughs.]
elliott
									
Oh, so many have tried. [Laughs.] [Stuart laughs.]
dan
									
So I hope that helps. Uh, there’s one last letter. Amanda, last name withheld, writes: “Peaches— This evening, I drove by a Popeyes, and it made me wonder—is Elliott—"
crosstalk
									
Elliott: [Through laughter] A lot of “P” sounds in this one! Stuart: [Inaudible]^ [Dan laughs.]
stuart
									
[Elliott laughs.] For apple-picking!
dan
									
I’m glad that with all our plosives we’re in a—a—professional studio today.
elliott
									
Professional!
dan
									
Uh, “this evening—"
elliott
									
Spudio!
dan
									
[Through laughter] “—I drove by a Popeyes, and it made me wonder—is Elliott still eating, uh, chicken when watching movies for The Flop House? I would hate to hear that this control variable—" [Elliott laughs.] “—has been lost now that he can’t grab it on the way to Dan’s! And speaking of the long-distance podcasting, do you all attempt to watch the movies at the same time? Or if not, do you agree to watch them in a—at a certain time period before the recording so that it’s still fresh, possibly?”
elliott
									
We—
dan
									
“Yours floppily, Amanda, last name withheld.”
crosstalk
									
Stuart: So— Elliott: We synchronize it—
elliott
									
—which is hard to do with the time zone difference.
crosstalk
									
Stuart: I’m assuming Elliott is— Dan: I mean—
stuart
									
—eating, what, kale and avocado toast?
elliott
									
Yeah. Kale, avocado toast, sundried tomatoes—or as your wife referred to them yesterday, uh, tomato raisins— [Stuart laughs.]
stuart
									
[Through laughter] Yeah.
elliott
									
Uh, I—the—I—the sad thing—I hate to break it to you—I—I still eat Popeyes and there’s one in my new neighborhood, which is great—but I no longer can eat it while I’m watching the movie because I’m usually doing the dishes while I watch the movie.
crosstalk
									
Dan: Mm-hm. Stuart: Hmmm.
elliott
									
Most of the movies are watched in three or four chunklets by me—
stuart
									
I mean—
elliott
									
—as I would do the dishes.
stuart
									
Based on the way that you, uh, clean your plate of Popeyes chicken, I would say—that’s also kind of like doing the dishes, ‘cause you could serve food on those things. [Elliott laughs.]
dan
									
And—to answer the second question about when we watch the movies—uh, Stuart often busts my balls about—
stuart
									
Mm-hm.
dan
									
—watching the movies, uh, several days before recording.
elliott
									
Only because you forget everything!
dan
									
Uh— [Laughs.] Without— [Everyone laughs.] Let’s be clear. My, uh, my—
crosstalk
									
Dan: —memory— Stuart: That’s his character! [Elliott laughs.]
dan
									
My memory is a sieve and if I’d watched it the day before [Through laughter] I would remember exactly as much about the movie.
elliott
									
Hm. Alright.
dan
									
Yeah. But uh—
stuart
									
That’s—that’s actually probably the best pro-watch-the-movie-four-days-in-advance argument you’ve ever made, Dan.
dan
									
Yeah. Well, I—we just, y’know.
crosstalk
									
Dan: We—we fit it into our busy schedules. Elliott: But we all—
elliott
									
As long as we get it done before we record.
crosstalk
									
Elliott: That’s all that really counts. Dan: We try and do it—
dan
									
—within, say, the five days before recording.
elliott
									
Yeah.
stuart
									
What I—my favorite way to do it is, because we’ve been recording normally at like noon on a Sunday; noon, uh, Eastern Time—uh, in case you were wondering—um, I— [Laughs.] I’ll wake up early on Sunday mornings—usually pretty hungover—and my wife will go to the gym and I’ll, uh, sit on the couch and watch the movie. Uh, and then run right over to Dan’s so that we can record. So it’s as fresh as possible in my brain.
elliott
									
Now, when we do a live show we still watch the movie together that day.
stuart
									
Yeah!
elliott
									
Before the show.
stuart
									
Usually on… some kind of small screen so that we can get the whole picture of X-Men: Dark Phoenix— [Elliott laughs.] —or X-Men: Godzilla: King of the Monsters. Or X-Men: Alita: Battle Angel.
elliott
									
X-Men: Alita: Battle Angel.
stuart
									
Yeah.
dan
									
So let’s move on to—
stuart
									
Doing some texting, Dan?
dan
									
Uh, my ghoul-friend has forgotten Elliott’s, uh, address. She is—
elliott
									
Do not say it on the podcast, please!
dan
									
No, I’m not going to. [Stuart laughs.] How—why did you think that was forthcoming, Elliott?
stuart
									
Not gonna happen again! [Dan laughs.] [Elliott laughs at length.]
dan
									
Um, so. Let’s, uh, do some recommendations of movies you should watch instead of Slenderman!
crosstalk
									
Stuart: Oh, wow, okay! Elliott: You got it!
stuart
									
Instead of the original Thin Man.
elliott
									
No! That’s a great movie! I’ll tell everyone—look, if you haven’t seen The Thin Man before—that’s not my recommendation for today, although it should be—it’s one of my favorite movies—you gotta keep watching until Nick and Nora get introduced. The first ten minutes or so of the movie is setting up the suspects and the mystery, and I like that part, but it’s not quite—it’s not at the snappy wit that you’re expecting? But then William Powell and Myrna Loy come in and it’s just non-stop bubble delight from that point on. Speaking of—you know what else is a delight? Bubble! From Max Fun! Written by Jordan Morris. Guys, uh, you’re on your phones looking at things, so I’ll recommend my movie—
dan
									
I’m sorry. There’s—
elliott
									
So I’m gonna recommend the movie Boy. That’s, uh, one of Taika Waititi’s earlier films, uh, and it’s about a boy growing up in New Zealand in the 1980s, and he comes—he’s in a—he’s got a lower-class background; he’s got a lot of problems in his family but he’s the oldest kid in the family, he’s 11 or so, so he’s taking care of his younger siblings. And I think maybe cousins? And his ne’er-do-well father comes back, and… at first it seems like this is his chance to connect with a man he has been kind of… making a legend of in his mind? Because he has, uh, so little to kind of look up to? And slowly it dawns on him, after, uh, experience with his dad, the reality of the situation. And it’s—there—it’s a funny movie and a touching movie. There’s a little—it wears its Wes Anderson influence on its sleeve? A little heavily?
stuart
									
Yeah.
elliott
									
In a way that, uh, Taika Waititi, uh, is kind of sloughing off with each movie he makes? I haven’t seen the new one, but. But, uh, I really liked it a lot! So I’ll recommend Boy!
stuart
									
I’m gonna recommend a movie called Three Tears on Bloodstained Flesh.
crosstalk
									
Dan: Mmm. Elliott: It’s kind of the same movie. [Laughs.]
stuart
									
Yeah, it’s kind of the same movie. Rolls right off the tongue. It’s a, uh… tiny-budget, uh, Giallo homage. Or I guess—it’s just a Giallo, uh, set and shot entirely in Southern Indiana using a cast of actors entirely from that area. Uh, if you were to ask me—should that movie be 2-1/2 hours long? I would normally say no, but I’ve also watched it twice in the last week. [Laughs.] Uh, it’s—I don’t know! It’s this movie that is clearly made, uh, for very little money. It—it looks cheap, uh, the—you know, the script is, like, fun and gross, uh, but it all, like—for whatever reason it—it’s still—it’s—it’s—it’s a great movie! Like, I c—I couldn’t explain it. Like, every—I would watch and I’d be like—when I first started watching it, I’m like—oh man, this doesn’t look that great. I’m—I don’t think I’m enjoy this. But every scene managed to include, like, little nuggets that made—made me keep pressing on until the movie’s over before I know it. Uh, the—all the acting has a little bit of the, like, we’re putting on a play for our parents vibe? But kind of in a good way? Uh… The special effects are limited, but they’re fun. Uh, there’s definitely a villain that looks kinda like the Nemesis from Resident Evil, but he’s wearing a tiny little top hat? [Elliott laughs.]
stuart
									
[Through laughter] And that’s really awesome. Uh… yeah! It’s just—man. I don’t know. Uh, it’s—it’s on Amazon Prime. Uh… so you can watch it there. Uh… yeah! It’s great and weird. Check it out.
dan
									
Uh, I’m gonna recommend a movie that—as of right now—I’m not quite sure how you can find it? But I am recommending it on faith that it will be streaming somewhere soon, and that, uh, you will remember that I recommended it and you’ll maybe come across it and say—
elliott
									
‘Cause you want the credit.
dan
									
Well, no. I mean—it—I—I will get into it in a second. This is not something that necessarily you would look at and be, like, “Oh, this is gonna be good!” But let me tell you—it’s gonna be good. I went to see this at Alamo Drafthouse. They had a special screening of it. I think it was like a fundraiser screening for something. Our buddy Matt Carmen who, uh… does a lot of the tech stuff for our live shows, said, “You wanna go see this?” And I’m like, “Yeah! I like hanging out with friends and seeing movies!” And so it’s a documentary called Who Let the Dogs Out. And it is about the song “Who Let the Dogs Out?”
elliott
									
That sounds like exactly the movie Matt Carmen would wanna see.
dan
									
Yeah.
elliott
									
All the time. [Laughs.]
dan
									
And it’s a trim 61 minutes, but it is delightful, and it is about the surprisingly tangled history of… who deserves the credit for writing the song “Who Let the Dogs Out?” and, you know, a lot of people said, oh, Three Identical Strangers—the documentary Three Identical Strangers, there are so many surprises along the way! So many twists and turns!
stuart
									
Yeah.
dan
									
I was more amazed by the number of twists and turns there are in the story of who wrote “Who Let the Dogs Out?” and… you know, whether someone heard earlier versions; whether they’re borrowing; whether it was something psychically in the air—over the course of the 60 minutes, it sort of becomes a documentary about… the way all artists borrow and… it’s hard to know, y’know—where something comes from and why a certain version of something becomes popular?
crosstalk
									
Dan: Versus another— Stuart: It’s like that moment—
stuart
									
—that moment when, like, Hollywood was convinced that the name “Chuck” was hilarious?
dan
									
Mm-hm.
stuart
									
And that they would find a way to fit it into everything?
dan
									
It’s exactly like that. And it sort of becomes a story, too, about like… the weird obsession that this guy who is unraveling this gets to—with—with such a silly thing and also, kind of, in a larger sense it becomes about how… any stupid thing has an interesting story attached to it if you work hard enough to discover it, or if you tell it in the right way. So, um, Who Let The Dogs Out/
stuart
									
That’s just what it’s called? Who Let the Dogs Out?
dan
									
It’s just called Who Let the Dogs Out.
elliott
									
Some people might think it’s a film adaptation of the song.
dan
									
Yeah.
elliott
									
And it’s a whodunit. [Dan laughs.]
elliott
									
About letting the dogs out.
stuart
									
Is the song a whodunit? [Laughs.] [Dan laughs.]
elliott
									
[Laughs.] I have to assume so! I don’t know the lyrics, but I have to assume it’s—it’s about a detective—
crosstalk
									
Elliott: —who’s picking up clues— Stuart: I can only imagine it—I imagine it—yeah. Dan: It’s about a party where dogs get let out.
stuart
									
And it—it probably asks more questions than it answers.
crosstalk
									
Dan: Guys, it’s— Elliott: I’ve been looking at the—
elliott
									
—Looking at the lyrics right now: “Who let the dogs out? Woof, woof, woof, woof, woof. Who let the dogs out? Woof, woof, woof, woof, woof. Who let the dogs out? Woof, woof, woof, woof, woof; who let the dogs out?” Sounds like a whodunit to me. [Stuart^ laughs.]
dan
									
Okay. Well—let’s just wrap it up! [Laughs.] That’s been another Shocktober. 20—Shocktober 2019! Hope you had fun. [Laughs.] [Stuart laughs.]
elliott
									
Uh—we—we lay it to rest in its crypt and we lower the coffin down into the floor.
dan
									
Mm-hm.
elliott
									
Cover it with the dirt of its home country.
crosstalk
									
Stuart: Uh-huh! And possibly— Elliott: Which is Flop-sylvania. Dan: Mm-hm.
stuart
									
—and a—a grieving Italian grandma.
dan
									
Yeah.
elliott
									
Oh, of course! [Elliott’s approximation of an Italian grandma] “Why?! You were such a good boy!” [Laughs.]
crosstalk
									
Dan: But Shockto— Elliott: “You were such a good month!”
elliott
									
“A good theme month!” [Stuart laughs.]
dan
									
But it is not consecrated ground, and Shocktober is an unquiet soul, so it will rise again.
crosstalk
									
Elliott: When? No one will know! Dan: Next year.
elliott
									
Oh, next year?
dan
									
Yeah.
elliott
									
Well, no one knows when next year!
dan
									
Yeah. Impossible to tell.
stuart
									
Maybe they’re—maybe somebody’ll make another horror movie before then that we can review.
dan
									
Yeah. It could be.
elliott
									
Could be. I mean, we don’t have any theme months between now and the end of the year, right?
crosstalk
									
Dan: We—might watch the movie— Stuart: Don’t we have—
dan
									
—that we originally wanted to watch. [Laughs.] Well, but I won’t spoil that.
elliott
									
Uh, and also—of course there’s Cage-mas coming up. So.
dan
									
Yeah.
stuart
									
Don’t we have Sandal-vember coming up?
crosstalk
									
Dan: That is a made-up thing. Elliott: Oh, right! Sandal-vember! [Laughs.]
stuart
									
Or is it Sand-uary?
crosstalk
									
Elliott: Sand—no, Sandal—I— Dan: Okay. Guys—
elliott
									
—I still want to do, uh, well we’ll talk about—it was either Mom-uary or Mom—Mom-bruary. [Stuart laughs.]
dan
									
I was just talking about how we need to wrap it up. So, uh—
crosstalk
									
Stuart: Okay. Dan: For The Flop House— [Elliott laughs.]
stuart
									
Cool.
dan
									
Dan McCoy is me.
stuart
									
Hey, I’m Stuart Wellington! And I’d also think you should check out other shows on the Maximum Fun podcast network!
dan
									
Mm-hm.
stuart
									
Uh, that’s the network that we’re on, and… there’s a lotta great, cool, content on there. So check it out!
elliott
									
And I’m Elliott Kalan, saying—why don’t you tell people about us, leave us a positive review on iTunes, tweet about us, Instagram about us, TikTok about us—
stuart
									
Uh-huh.
elliott
									
Snapchat about us—whatever your social media platform of your choice—they’re all equally evil—please talk about The Flop House on ‘em. I’ve been Elliott Kalan!
stuart
									
Byeeee!
music
									
[Light, up-tempo, electric guitar with synth instruments plays in background.]
elliott
									
[Imitating Hank Hill from King of the Hill] That boy ain’t right.
stuart
									
[Also imitating Hank] That’s—that’s good quality propane! [Elliott laughs.]
elliott
									
[Still imitating Hank] Today’s top story: [Dan laughs.] The boy ain’t right. Propane remains the best heating gas! [Dan and Stuart laugh.] And grill fuel! [Stuart laughs.] In other news, local neighbor Kahn Souphanousinphone—[breaks off, laughing.] [Stuart and Dan giggle.] —furious at his neighbor, Hank Hill. [Laughs.] [Stuart laughs.] We now turn to Boomhauer. [All three laugh at length.] For the weather. [Elliott’s regular voice, through laughter] Did they ever do weather on [inaudible] Report? I don’t think so!
crosstalk
									
[Stuart and Dan both speak inaudibly through heavy laughter.]
stuart
									
[Through laughter] You see nightly news? The national—
elliott
									
The national weather?
speaker 1
									
MaximumFun.org.
speaker 2
									
Comedy and culture.
speaker 3
									
Artist owned—
speaker 4
									
—Audience supported.
About the show

The Flop House is a bimonthly audio podcast devoted to the worst in recent film. Your hosts (Elliott Kalan, Dan McCoy, and Stuart Wellington) watch a questionable film just before each episode, and then engage in an unscripted, slightly inebriated discussion, focusing on the movie’s shortcomings and occasional delights.
Follow @flophousepod on Twitter and @theflophousepodcast on Instagram. Email them at theflophousepodcast@gmail.com.