Transcript
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Gentle, trilling music with a steady drumbeat plays under the dialogue.
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Speaker: Bullseye with Jesse Thorn is a production of MaximumFun.org and is distributed by NPR. [Music fades out.]
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“Huddle Formation” from the album Thunder, Lightning, Strike by The Go! Team. A fast, upbeat, peppy song. Music plays as Jesse speaks, then fades out.
jesse
There’s no business like show business, they say. And you know what? They might be right. There aren’t many other lines of work where you’ll find yourself eating like royalty at a hotel, then a few hours later on set with your childhood hero, and then a couple hours after that lying in a hospital bed. That’s why we came up with a segment on our show called The Craziest [Censored] Day of My Career: a place for folks in the biz, as we like to call it, to dish on the weirdest workday they’ve experienced—at least so far. This week, our guest is Alan Tudyk. Alan is a brilliant character actor, a performer who can do 1001 impressions. Maybe you’ve seen him in movies like Rogue One or iRobot. He was also a star of the beloved sci-fi show Firefly.
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[A ship alarm blares.] Zoe (Firefly): [Breathlessly.] Proximity alert. Must be coming up on something. Wash: Oh my god. What can it be?! We’re all doomed! Who’s flying this thing?! Oh, right, that would be me. Back to work.
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jesse
These days, he’s working on another Syfy show: Resident Alien. In it, Alan plays an alien—an alien who has landed on Earth with a mission: to live here as a human, a man named Doctor Harry Vanderspeigle. The goal being eventually to, uh—well, you know what aliens wanna do. They wanna wipe all the humans off the face of the planet. Only there’s one problem. He doesn’t know how humans act, really. And he’s starting to kind of like them. And one of them—a nine-year-old boy—is onto him.
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Max (Resident Alien): You’re inappropriate! And you stole my fliers. Harry: Do you wanna put them back up? Go ahead. No one believes you, anyway. Not even your parents! Tell the people I am an alien. Climb to the highest tower in town and shout it to everyone! Max: We don’t have towers here, you dumb alien. Harry: No, I—I know that! It was a figure of speech.
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jesse
When we asked Alan Tudyk about the craziest day of his career, he took us back—way back. Back to when he was mainly a Broadway performer but got a part that would change his life: a small role in the 1990s dramedy, Patch Adams. Here’s Alan.
alan tudyk
Hello, my name is Alan Tudyk, and this is the craziest [censored] day of my entire career.
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Playful music with upbeat percussion plays under the dialogue.
alan
The year was 1997. I had just finished a play—my first play off Broadway, in New York, that sort of like started my career. And it was called Bunny, Bunny and I played 27 roles in the play. And it was a lot of fun. And Alan Zweibel wrote it. He was one of the first writers for SNL, comedy, brilliant guy. And I got audition for Tom Shadyac’s Patch Adams. And I came in and I auditioned for the role that ended up being played by Philip Seymour Hoffman—a brilliant actor. [Chuckles.] And he ended—obviously, ended up playing it, not me. But Tom, the casting director, was like, “Alan’s doing this play downtown where he plays 27 roles.” And Tom Shadyac said, “Well, if you can play 27 roles in a play, I can probably find a role in my movie for you.”
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Thoughtful piano plays under the dialogue.
alan
We shot this in San Francisco. I fly to San Francisco.
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The pleasant ding of an in-flight announcement.
alan
First class, so great.
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The sound of a plane taking off.
alan
My girlfriend at the time flies up and surprised me the night before I shoot with a box of chocolate covered pretzels—which were my favorite thing at the time from Li-Lac Chocolates, in New York City. And we didn’t eat dinner. We just ate chocolate covered pretzels and I drank scotch.
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The sounds of drinks being poured followed by the clear ring of a glass being struck.
alan
This is most important: before she arrived, I ate some Chinese food from Chinatown, from just some random place.
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Bright, thumpy percussion plays under the dialogue.
alan
I went to work my first day—really my only day of work at Patch Adams—and I was having a reaction to something. I had hives. And they were kind of crawling up my back. And I went into makeup and they’re like, “Yeah, this actually—this looks good, the hives. You’re crazy. This is—you’re doing better on your own than we could’ve done with—you know—makeup effects.” As the morning went on, I started having difficulty breathing as I was getting ready to shoot the scene. So, I said, “Is there someone here that is like medical?” [Chuckles.] “Like—like a medic?! That sounds good. Call a medic.”
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The distant wail of an ambulance.
alan
And the medic came and said, “Yeah, you’re having an allergic reaction. Your windpipe is closing. So, we need to get you to a doctor immediately.” And so, I was—I’m covered in hives. They’ve now—they’re on my face. They’re on my face, the top of my head, on my chest, on my back. They rush me to this doctor, and he has a shot for me. And he gives me a shot of adrenaline to open up my windpipe.
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The rhythmic thump of a heartbeat.
alan
He gives me the shot. Boom, my windpipe opens. I feel better. The hives are still raging, but they drive me right back to set! And they put me in the scene. [Laughs.] [The music ends in a swell of drums.] I was cast as somebody in the insane asylum that starts out the movie. The scene I was in was with Robin Williams and Michael Jeter.
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Everton (Patch Adams): Why are we meeting in here? It’s cramped. Doctor: Well, Everton, we’re meeting in here so that Rudy can participate. Everton: It’s cramped. Doctor: Does anyone else have a thought on that? Everton: Cramped!
alan
Robin Williams is one of my favorite actors of all time. I’ve just loved him since I was a kid. Loved Mork & Mindy, wore the suspenders that he had to school, nanu nanu. I just thought he was brilliant. And he was! Robin Williams’s character is—he’s deemed insane. He’s in an insane asylum. This is the Patch Adams sort of storyline. He goes, “You know what? You’re not treating your patients with respect. All you need to do is put on a rubber nose and cure them.” [Chuckling.] So, I was—I was in the part of the movie where we were all crazy. We’re going round and round about what’s going on with our days and I raise my hand and I say, [voice cracking sadly] “I’m cramped. I’m cramped! I’m having trouble breathing!” Which actually wasn’t too far from the truth, because I had been having trouble breathing, but I was amped at that point. And then there’s a man who’s catatonic and Robin Williams goes, “I think he has a question.” Because he’s got his arm up.
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Patch: He still has a brain. Maybe he wants to participate too. Rudy: Yeah. Maybe he has a question! Speaker: Yeah! Maybe! Everton: Maybe he knows why we’re cramped! [Giggles.] [The others pitch in scattered laughter.] Patch: Maybe Beene knows a lot more than we give him credit for. Excuse me, Beene? Which way is Heaven? That’s correct! [Everyone guffaws.] Doctor: That’ll be enough, Hunter. Patch: Beene, how much taller is Wilt Chamberlain than you? Right. [Everyone laughs.] Patch: Hey, Beene! Ciao, Beene! Arigato, Beene! Rudy: Bye, Beene! [The door slams shut.]
alan
Then I’m just in the background, basically, here and there. And that’s the extent of my role. You can see it in the first four minutes of the movie, if you wanna go check it out. You only need watch four minutes if you wanna see my performance. [Chuckles.] It’s very brief.
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Intense, percussive music plays behind the dialogue.
alan
I’d had about four cups of coffee before the shot of adrenaline. The shot of adrenaline sent me over the edge. Like, my eyes could’ve been rolling back in my head at any second. I was so amped. So, if you do watch this scene, please take note how much energy I have. [Laughs.] I’m off the charts. We have another scene to shoot, which is out in the main sort of waiting room. And I’m talking to Michael Jeter, ‘cause he was nice. And he said, [putting on an old man affectation] “Well, I’m glad you made it through.” He put on this like old man voice. “I’m glad you made it through.” And I said, [also using the old man voice] “What are you—what are you do doing over here, anyway?” He said, “I’m just looking out the window imagining when I’m gonna die! Any minute, I’m pretty sure.” And then Robin Williams hears this and runs over and says, “What are we doing?” And he’s like, [in the old man voice] “Oh, I was just telling him about how I was looking out this window and thinking about dying.” “Oh! Is that what we’re doing? Yeah, I’ll tell you what, I was thinking about suffering before dying. It’s that beautiful spot that happens right before death. Lotta pain. A lotta faces like this: eee!” [Laughs.] “Making noises like this.” [Makes a strangled sound.] And he was like, “You feel anything like that?” And he looks to me. And I said, “Ooh, do I!” Somehow, it morphed into his, “Excuse me, sir, you’ve spilled soup all down your front. Oh my god, that’s not soup. Oh geez. I thought it was beef consommé and now I realize it is not.” And then Robin goes, [screaming] “Oh my god! The smell hit me like a ton of bricks! And I’m a mason.” Ah. “I’m a nearsighted mason and this is one of the worst days of my life.” And then I—and then it was, “Fosse, Fosse, Fosse.” And then it changed into somebody else and somebody else. And we’re going round and round, character after character. And I literally had an out of body experience. I—it was like I stood apart from myself and watched me in this group of three people—and especially Robin, but also Michael. Because Robin, I’m like—I think I learned this voice from Robin! I learned how to do this character growing up watching him. And now here I am, just improving and throwing around—and the cast had gathered around, and people were just enjoying it and laughing. Ooh my god! [Music fades out.] And that’s why that is the craziest [censored] day of my entire career! Because I was with my hero—I mean, truly like a comedy hero. [Laughs.] It was—it was—it was beyond, man. It was beyond. I still—like, I’m getting tears in my eyes just [sniffs] recalling it. I mean, that’s magic. That’s some magic stuff. [Breathes out heavily.]
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Relaxing piano plays under the dialogue.
alan
I’ve heard some people say that Rob Williams was always on. He was always doing a bit. But that wasn’t my experience with him at all. I mean, definitely that experience with us—Michael and myself, you know, doing voices—that’s just fun for him. It was just fun to do voices and to play around. I had a conversation with him about helping others; he does the same—he was talking about how the same thing happens chemically in your brain when you help others that happens with Prozac, like what antidepressants do—just being generous and being of service to other people. It does the same thing. So, we had that conversation. That’s not—the people I’ve met who are constantly on, who are always trying to like—it’s like they’re trying to score. I’ve got the better punchline. I’ve got the better punchline. They’re always writing. That’s hard. That gets—unless you’re in the same mood of wanting to just try to one-upmanship and that’s the game you wanna play. But no, we were—he wasn’t like that. He was generous. He’d take pictures with everybody, and he was kind of—he was—he seemed like a really sweet guy. Not only that, he let me [laughs]—this was another thing I did. Like, I think back to this movie; I did things on this movie that I don’t think I would do now. Like, I didn’t—I just had—I was young and was just like, “We’re all here to play and have fun together.” I had recently read David Sedaris’s Naked. And there was a section that I thought was really funny. I think it was maybe in the middle of reading it, where David is on a bus and a woman sits down next to him and immediately starts talking. It is the most foul and it goes on for like two pages. I showed it to him, and he said, “Read it.” And I sat down, and I read it for a huge group of people; like did a [laughs] reading of David—selections from David Sedaris. So, people who are on all the time tend to like the attention. He gave me the spotlight more than once. In a very short window of time, too. I have to say, I was not on that movie long, but he made a huge impression on me. Yeah, he was—he was just one of a kind.
jesse
Alan Tudyk on the craziest [censored] day of his entire career: the time he almost died on the set of Patch Adams, only to survive and return that selfsame day so he could riff onset with Robin Williams. [Chuckles.] Alan’s show, Resident Alien, is in its second season now on Syfy. You can check it out there. [Music fades out.]
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Bright, brassy music.
jesse
That’s the end of another episode of Bullseye. Bullseye is created from the homes me and the staff of Maximum Fun, in and around greater Los Angeles, California—where it is 89 degrees, today! As we record this. Holy mackerel! It’s February, Los Angeles. Get your act together! The show is produced by speaking into microphones. Our senior producer is Kevin Ferguson. Our producer is Jesus Ambrosio. Production fellows at Maximum Fun are Richard Robey and Valerie Moffat. We get booking help from Mara Davis. Special thanks this week to RENEGADE EL REY for holding down the board at Stankonia while I talked with Big Boi and Sleepy Brown. Our interstitial music is by Dan Wally, also known as DJW. Our theme song is called “Huddle Formation”, recorded by the group The Go! Team. Thanks to them and to their label, Memphis Industries, for sharing it. Bullseye is on YouTube, Twitter, and Facebook! You can follow us in any of those places. We share our interviews there, and you can do the same. And I think that’s about it. Just remember: all great radio hosts have a signature signoff.
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Speaker: Bullseye with Jesse Thorn is a production of MaximumFun.org and is distributed by NPR. [Music fades out.]
About the show
Bullseye is a celebration of the best of arts and culture in public radio form. Host Jesse Thorn sifts the wheat from the chaff to bring you in-depth interviews with the most revered and revolutionary minds in our culture.
Bullseye has been featured in Time, The New York Times, GQ and McSweeney’s, which called it “the kind of show people listen to in a more perfect world.” Since April 2013, the show has been distributed by NPR.
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