Aspen Stories: Ryan Stout

Had you been before?

I think I was there briefly when I was a kid—We, my parents and I, just stopped through town to ride the gondola, or something, and continued our road trip on to ‘Elsewhere.’

Cold, expensive, and stressful.

My biggest worry was the altitude. I don’t exercise much… Well, not at all, really. So, my cardio-vascular system isn’t quite up to par. On top of that, I hold a pretty steady diet of alcohol and diner food. Overall, I doubt I’m in the best shape to be trekking around the mountains. I was sure that I would be getting dizzy and blacking-out, or I would be onstage and the severe tunnel vision would kick in. Turns out, I didn’t have a problem. Maybe I’m in better shape than I thought. Thank you, Genetics.

That I could breathe and that I wasn’t freezing.

My buddy Brent Weinbach and I flew out there together and when we landed in Denver we were both surprised by a woman from the festival waiting with a sign that said “Ryan Stout / Brent Weinbach.” Her whole job that day was to make sure that performers made it to our connecting flights on time. So, Weinbach and I loaded up on one of those carts that are normally reserved for the disabled and elderly. The driver hit the gas and we were on our way. We thought we might be going all the way to another terminal. Nope. Six gates. They had someone drive us, two young, healthy looking lads, five hundred feet. I was surprised that no one gave us nasty looks as we got off the little electric cart.

Once we got to Aspen, I couldn’t believe my ears when Weinbach described his hotel room. From his description I thought it was a suite on the top floor. But, on Friday I actually got to see the place: It was just a hotel room.

His “Jacuzzi with a skylight over it” was just a normal size bathtub with a few water jets, and, yes, fine, a skylight. But, really, how impressed are you by the wonderment of a skylight? I still don’t understand how he could be so thrilled about having a refrigerator and microwave—You can have that at any Best Western. I was really disappointed that, for me, at least, his room didn’t live up to the hype.

I’d like to present my hotel room through the eyes of Brent Weinbach:

“Right when I walked in, on the right, there were these double doors that opened up to a huge closet with these really nice hangers. They were plastic, but nice plastic. And, then, I had two beds. Two queen-size beds, just for me. Then, I also had a 27-inch color TV, that had a bunch of movie channels, and stuff, and it was stored in this really nice wooden cabinet. Oh, I had a refrigerator, too. And that was also in a matching wooden cabinet with free chocolates sitting on top of it. They were actually Nestle Turtles, which is my favorite, one of my favorite, chocolates. My bathroom had the special lamp to heat the tiles so your feet don’t get cold. The water pressure was strong, too; I like that. I had wireless internet access… It was a nice room.”

I should also note that the rooms, though not brilliant and extravagant, were nice. And, because of the festival and ski season, they would probably run about $500 per night.

What was the audience like for your shows?

I thought they were fine. Not ever much more, not usually much less. Even though the only set that I felt like a rock star was on the last night of the festival, people were approaching me throughout the week and being very congratulatory. Some people, normal audience members, intentionally came out to see me three or four times. So, at the very least, I was killing ahandful of people.

Friday night at the UCB house I ran into Chelsea Peretti, a funny friend of mine from New York. She was lying on this ottoman and I lied down next to her. So, we’re both horizontal, talking, looking up at people as they walk past. It was so, I guess, quirky, that people kept coming over wanting to talk to us. They all opened with similar lines about, “You two look comfortable.” There is a strange amount of power and charisma when you are lying down because everything seems like it takes massive amounts of effort, almost as though nothing is more important than being relaxed. If people talk to you, you know it’s because they want to—They sought you out and they are the ones hovering over you getting cramps in their necks from looking down. People even started offering to bring us stuff so we wouldn’t have to get up. We got beer, and chewing gum, and jackets… Someone brought me a beer, walked away, and came back because they realized I needed a bottle opener, took the beer, opened it, and brought it back to me.

It was the best party maneuver I’ve ever made. From now on, I’m going to spend every party on my back.

The Whitest Kids You Know made me laugh the hardest. All of their sketches have such a fun energy to them. I wish I could elaborate, but you’ll just have to check them out live. Or online.

Brian Finkelstein’s show was probably the best-crafted work I saw at the festival. His stories had so many crisp images and layers of meaning. The whole thing had such a great arch to it. I was sad when he finished because I could have sat and listened for a lot longer. I was really impressed.