Judge John Hodgman

Judge John Hodgman Episode 293: Woodsy Bob Newhart

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Guests: 
Nick Offerman

This week, Judge John Hodgman and Bailiff Jesse Thorn clear the docket with the help of Deputy Judge Nick Offerman! The Judge, Bailiff and Deputy Judge rule on cocktail drinking etiquette, mail protocol and more! Plus some listener letters regarding previous episodes.

Nick's newest book, Good Clean Fun: Misadventures in Sawdust at Offerman Woodshop, is available wherever books are sold. His latest movie, The Founder, opens nationwide on January 20th.

Tickets for Judge John Hodgman at San Francisco Sketchfest can be found at bit.ly/JUDGMENTBYTHEBAY! Click here for tickets to Maximum Fun's Very Very Fun Day!

We need cases for JJHo at SF Sketchfest and at Very Very Fun Day in Chicago! To submit a case for either live show, visit MaximumFun.org/jjho!

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Judge John Hodgman Episode 292: Conifer Emptor

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Michael brings the case against his husband, Matthew. For the last several years, the two of them have used an artificial Christmas tree during the holiday season. Matthew prefers live trees and would like to introduce one to their home but Michael is strongly against the idea. Who’s right, who’s wrong?

Tickets for Judge John Hodgman at San Francisco Sketchfest can be found at bit.ly/JUDGMENTBYTHEBAY! Click here for tickets to Maximum Fun's Very Very Fun Day!

We need cases for JJHo at SF Sketchfest and at Very Very Fun Day in Chicago! To submit a case for either live show, visit MaximumFun.org/jjho!

EVIDENCE

SUBMITTED BY MICHAEL:

1. “Real Christmas trees constitutes a much more substantial fire risk. So much so that the City of Honolulu, in adopting national fire protection policies, has banned the use of real trees in public places.” More info on that can be found here.

2. A Christmas tree safety flyer, linked from the FEMA webpage.
Michael says, “To the extent that the fire risks of a real tree can be mitigated, it’s by watering them every day (which we won’t be able to do, given that we’ll be out of state). It stands to reason that the importance of watering the tree daily to keep it from drying out similarly applies to aesthetic and housekeeping concerns.”

3. Michael says, "Even if we were able to keep the tree watered, both the tree water and the tree itself would be a danger to our cats," according to Are Christmas Trees Safe For Cats?. Here is the relevant excerpt:
"Live, cut Christmas trees can be deadly for cats. Pine needles can be ingested and puncture intestines, and pine is highly toxic to cats, potentially causing liver damage and death. Additionally, the water that cut trees are placed into is toxic. It usually contains pine resin, preservatives and fire retardants.”

"This is further attested by PetMd":
"There are other dangers to consider with the good ol' Yule tree other than lights and ornaments. The oils produced by fir trees can be irritating to a pet's mouth and stomach, causing excessive vomiting or drooling. The tree needles, meanwhile, may cause gastrointestinal irritation, obstruction and puncture. Additionally, the water used to nourish Christmas trees can be noxious. Bacteria, molds, and fertilizers can cause your pet to become extremely sick with only a few laps.”

"Both of our cats are extremely fascinated with water and like to play with it. I’ve attached a video of them proving as much. It’s worth noting that the waterer pictured is one that we settled on after they splashed about in a more open one and knocked over multiple times one that stores water in a tank above."

4. "Artificial trees are actually more traditional than live ones," according to this article:
"In fact, the first written records of Christmas trees being used in what would become the United States date back to the 1740s. The children of German settlers in Pennsylvania decorated wooden pyramids with evergreen branches and affixed candles to the branches. The first Christmas trees in America were, in fact, artificial.”

5. "Artificial trees are more environmentally friendly, or, at least are not significantly worse for the environment." More here:
“If the artificial tree is kept more than 4 years, the Global Warming Potential associated with the artificial tree is less than a natural tree purchased every year for more than 4 years. The impact of the tree life cycle, for all scenarios, is less than 0.1% of a person’s annual carbon footprint and therefore is negligible within the context of the average American’s lifestyle.”

6. "The City of Boston gives us two opportunities to dispose of a real tree: January 3rd and January 10th." -- Boston's Trash Day Schedule.

SUBMITTED BY MATTHEW:

1. “The majority of real Christmas trees come from managed plantations, supporting hundreds of thousands of acres of trees being continuously planted, cut down, and replenished, on farmland that may not support other forms of agriculture.” 2012 Census of Agriculture data on Cut Christmas Trees: 2012 and 2007

2. “Real Christmas trees can be recycled after they are used, and as such can be given a new life, in a variety of ways, either as mulch, erosion barriers, or even to recreate sand dunes, as in NJ, our home state, after Hurricane Sandy. Boston also runs a recycling program for the first two weeks of January.”
Info on tree recycling can be found here and here.

3. “Further, it seems that a real tree may be necessary for the celebration of Christmas.
Judge John Hodgman has previously ruled on this matter: ‘Well, I hate to break it to you Peter, but the thirty Christmases you’ve so called celebrated, while using a fake tree, do not count as Christmas, in fact you have never celebrated Christmas, because a fake tree just will not cut it. The whole point is to bring nature into your home particularly an evergreen… and you need to have that actual tree there, staring at you, throughout the dark winter period, to give you hope to go on, and then you have to slowly kill it to give you strength to move on into the next year.’” (Judge John HodgmanEpisode 8 To Tree or Not to Tree)

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Thank you to Rob Calabrese for suggesting this week's title! To suggest a title for a future episode, like Judge John Hodgman on Facebook. We regularly put a call for submissions.

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Judge John Hodgman Episode 291: First Whirlpool Problems

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Courtney brings the case against her husband, Josh. They want to get a hot tub for their home but cannot agree on which type to buy. Josh wants a charming, wood fired cedar tub. Courtney wants a more practical standard fiberglass tub. Who’s right, who’s wrong?

Tickets for Judge John Hodgman at San Francisco Sketchfest can be found at bit.ly/JUDGMENTBYTHEBAY! Click here for tickets to Maximum Fun's Very Very Fun Day!

We need cases for JJHo at SF Sketchfest and at Very Very Fun Day in Chicago! To submit a case for either live show, visit MaximumFun.org/jjho!

EVIDENCE

Here are some photos submitted as evidence in this dispute:

Thank you to Anne Mandola Jones for suggesting this week's title! To suggest a title for a future episode, like Judge John Hodgman on Facebook. We regularly put a call for submissions.

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Judge John Hodgman Episode 290: A Jury of Your Tears

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Guests: 
Jean Grae

Donny brings the case against his roommate, Glenn. Glenn tends to cook quesadillas in their shared New York City apartment several times a week. Donny finds that the smell of peppers and onions is too powerful to handle and wants Glenn to vary his cooking routine. With Guest Bailiff Jean Grae!

Big thanks to our Guest Bailiff Jean Grae for joining us this week! You can find her on Twitter @JeanGreasy.

You can also catch her Church of the Infinite You at Union Hall in Brooklyn every other Sunday at 3pm. The next Church of the Infinite You takes place on December 18th. December 24th will be a Special Blowout Christmas service at 8pm. Jean is working on getting livestream up for that. If you would like to help, you can join her patreon at patreon.com/jeangrae.

Jean’s live talk show, The Show Show, returns to Union Hall Wednesday Dec 7th with guests Baratunde Thurston, Aparna Nancherla and a special to-be-announced guest. The show is at 8 pm and will be the first Wednesday of every month.

Tickets for Judge John Hodgman at San Francisco Sketchfest can be found at bit.ly/JUDGMENTBYTHEBAY! Click here for tickets to Maximum Fun's Very Very Fun Day!

We need cases for JJHo at SF Sketchfest and at Very Very Fun Day in Chicago! To submit a case for either live show, visit MaximumFun.org/jjho!

Thank you to Paul Ruh & Tom Brinton for suggesting this week's title! To suggest a title for a future episode, like Judge John Hodgman on Facebook. We regularly put a call for submissions.

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Judge John Hodgman Episode 289: Live From Boston, MA 2016

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Guests: 
Juliana Hatfield
Guests: 
Ken Reid

"Sole Custody" and "Law and Gag Order," taped in front of a live audience in Boston, MA on September 18, 2016 during the Tour of Live Justice! Plus, Swift Justice, Expert Witness Ken Reid of TV Guidance Counselor and songs from Juliana Hatfield!

EVIDENCE

Click here to check out Heena's Powerpoint presentation from "Law and Gag Order!"

Here are some photos taken by Zac Wolf and follow up photos from the Swift Justice case between running siblings Lisa and Andy:

Thank you to Stephen Coughlin and Michael Toscano for suggesting this week's titles! To suggest a title for a future episode, like Judge John Hodgman on Facebook. We regularly put a call for submissions.

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Judge John Hodgman at San Francisco Sketchfest

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Date: 
01/13/2017 - 19:30 - 21:00
City: 
San Francisco, CA
Venue Name: 
The Curran

Friday, January 13, 2017
7:30 PM
The Curran
445 Geary Street
San Francisco, CA 94102

TICKETS ON SALE NOW

JUDGE JOHN HODGMAN and BAILIFF JESSE THORN are returning to San Francisco to bring LIVE JUSTICE San Francisco Sketchfest.

Direct from JUDGE JOHN HODGMAN PODCAST (named FIFTEENTH in Rolling Stone’s top 20 comedy podcasts!), Judge Hodgman and Bailiff Thorn are bringing their mix of non-swearing comedy, pop culture obsession, and sheer, unadulterated FAKE LEGAL WISDOM to the stage.

Along with surprises, special guests, and live justice lightning rounds, each show will feature a number of live hearings between people in the BAY AREA. Judge Hodgman will listen to both sides and then tell them WHO IS RIGHT and WHO IS WRONG.

Previous disputes have included:

-is a hot dog a sandwich?

-when is it may someone else’s Chinese food be legally considered abandoned property?

-is it OK to rifle through the trash for prize coupons in a Canadian pizza parlor?

-will you order my mom to buy me a motorcycle and a vape pen?

If you have a long-simmering fight with a friend or loved one that you’d finally like resolved, submit your case to www.maximumfun.org/jjho and specify that you wish to be heard LIVE ON STAGE.

Or, just shut your pie hole and come and enjoy JUDGE JOHN HODGMAN: LIVE JUSTICE at SF Sketchfest.

Judge John Hodgman Episode 288: Are We Fair Yet?

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Guests: 
Jean Grae

Jeff brings the case against his girlfriend, Megan. When they go on road trips, Megan thinks they need to equally split driving responsibilities, even though she doesn’t enjoy driving. Jeff is happy to drive long distances, and doesn’t think splitting is necessary. With Guest Bailiff Jean Grae!

Big thanks to our Guest Bailiff Jean Grae for joining us this week! You can find her on Twitter @JeanGreasy.

You can also catch her Church of the Infinite You at Union Hall in Brooklyn every other Sunday at 3pm. Church of the Infinite You returns on Dec 4th and then on the 18th. December 24th will be a Special Blowout Christmas service at 8pm. Jean is working on getting livestream up for that. If you would like to help, you can join her patreon at patreon.com/jeangrae.

Jean’s live talk show, The Show Show, returns to Union Hall Wednesday Dec 7th with guests Baratunde Thurston, Aparna Nancherla and a special to-be-announced guest. The show is at 8 pm and will be the first Wednesday of every month.

Tickets for Judge John Hodgman at San Francisco Sketchfest can be found at bit.ly/JUDGMENTBYTHEBAY!

Thank you to Ryan Byers for suggesting this week's title! To suggest a title for a future episode, like Judge John Hodgman on Facebook. We regularly put a call for submissions.

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Judge John Hodgman Episode 287: A Betrayal of Crust

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Sam brings the case against his wife, Valerie. They gave Sam’s mother a Pie-of-the-Month subscription for her birthday last year, but were secretly baking the pies themselves. Sam’s mom still doesn’t know they are the bakers behind her beloved pies. Valerie wants to tell her the truth, but Sam thinks they should keep it a secret.

EVIDENCE

Click here to check out the literature that arrived with the pies from Sam and Valerie's fictional business!

Thank you to Craig Price for suggesting this week's title! To suggest a title for a future episode, like Judge John Hodgman on Facebook. We regularly put a call for submissions.

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Judge John Hodgman Episode 286: Grass Action Lawsuit

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Daniel brings the case against his fiancee, Bernadette. They cannot decide what type of yard they will have in their future home. Daniel would like a large, green lawn but Bern thinks that's too suburban and boring. She prefers a yard full of wildflowers and vegetables.

As mentioned in the episode, here is a video of "Dana Gould as Maurice Evans as Dr. Zaius as Hal Holbrook as Mark Twain" at SF Sketchfest 2012:

And, click here to check out the Des Moines flag!

Thank you to Jennifer Small for suggesting this week's title! To suggest a title for a future episode, like Judge John Hodgman on Facebook. We regularly put a call for submissions.

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Judge John Hodgman Episode 285: Hostile Fitness

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Heather brings the case against her husband, Joe. Joe is too competitive with Heather’s mother when she initiates challenges with him through a fitness tracking app they both use. Because of this, he has chosen to opt out of her challenges. Heather thinks these fitness challenges are a good way for them to be in touch and wants him to play along.

Thank you to Jon Barr for suggesting this week's title! To suggest a title for a future episode, like Judge John Hodgman on Facebook. We regularly put a call for submissions.

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