JJHo

Canadian House of Pizza & Garbage Jingle

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On this week's episode of Judge John Hodgman, The Pizza Pauper, our litigants discussed the very unusual restaurant chain The Canadian House of Pizza & Garbage.

Listener Eric Schumiller started thinking about some cassettes he'd seen on in a shoebox on his neighbors curb. He ran out, grabbed them, and ran to his cassette deck. He found just what he thought he'd remembered seeing - the circa 1980s jingle for CHoPaG.

He generously digitized it for us, and you can hear it above or download it here.

Lyrics below:

Canadian House of Pizza and Garbage,
A place of convenience and value for all.
Maison Canadienne de la Pizza et les Ordures,
Un lieu de commodité et de valeur pour tous le monde.

[spoken]: At Canadian House of Pizza and Garbage, turn garbage into gold! So don't refuse our refuse, or deny our detritus. Only $5 for a pop and a slice, or maybe much, MUCH more!

Canadian House of Pizza and Garbage,
Ontario's stripmall paradise.
Abandon your pride, and come inside,
You might find a motorcycle under your slice...under your slice!

Judge John Hodgman Episode 38: Pepperoni Pauper

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Flynn and Helen are frequent guests of a particular pizzeria in Canada that offers free prize tickets on their pizza boxes. Flynn, Helen's boyfriend, goes to great lengths to find as many of these tickets as he can -- even rummaging through the trash to find discarded and unpeeled tickets. Helen finds this extremely embarrassing and feels that no slice of pie is worth the disgraceful effort of dumpster diving. Is Flynn's treasure hunt for free prizes an admirable quest? Is Helen's embarrassment of her boyfriend's trash digging ways justifiable? Only one man can decide!

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John Hodgman's new book of fake trivia and world knowledge, THAT IS ALL, can now be pre-ordered for its release on 11/1/11. To find out when he may be visiting a city near you, see Areas of My Expertise.

Judge John Hodgman Episode 37: Panta-lunacy

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Judge John Hodgman Episode 37: Panta-lunacy

In today’s case, the court will decide the statute of limitations and proper etiquette of the lost-and-found box. Seth and Stephen are both friends and colleagues currently performing together in a play on Broadway. During their rehearsal time, Seth noticed a pair of linen trousers retired to the lost-and-found box for four months. When he finally decides the fate of the pants should be covering Seth’s legs and not the wasting away in the lost-and-found, Stephen raised a claim the pants were in fact his and should be returned to the rightful owner.
Is there a set precedence for the lost-and-found box? Finders Keepers? Losers Weepers? We’ll find out!

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John Hodgman's new book of fake trivia and world knowledge, THAT IS ALL, can now be pre-ordered for its release on 11/1/11. To find out when he may be visiting a city near you, see Areas of My Expertise.

Judge John Hodgman Episode 36: Beard Science

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We are joined again by guest bailiff Jake Tapper, Senior White House Correspondent for ABC News (who last was on duty for the case of De Plane). We are delighted he could join us and lend us an air of legitimacy.

Today, a case of Beard Science. A few years ago, college pals Bilder, McElroy and Pattley agreed to a game of beard chicken. The game is traditionally is played when two or more men face-off against each other by not shaving; the man who goes the longest without a shave wins the game. Bilder claims that he participated only because they settled on a modified version of the game, which would allow him to shave partway through.

In the course of the game, Bilder accumulated the most days unshaven, but McElroy claims he is the winner, with the most consecutive bearded days.

Was their original agreement valid? Did the modified terms fundamentally alter the essence of the game? And who is the real winner of beard chicken?

STREAM OR DOWNLOAD THIS PODCAST
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VIEW THE EVIDENCE

John Hodgman's new book of fake trivia and world knowledge, THAT IS ALL, can now be pre-ordered for its release on 11/1/11. To find out when he may be visiting a city near you, see Areas of My Expertise.

Judge John Hodgman Episode 35: Unbanded Brothers

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We are assisted by the guest bailiff stylings, chosen especially for this case, of Monte Belmonte. Monte hosts a very popular morning radio show at 93.9 The River in Northampton, Massachusetts. We very much appreciate his musical expertise and fine baliffing.

Jack brings this case against his brother and bandmate Jeff. They play together on albums and on tour as The Jeffrey Lewis Band. Jack had requested several days off on their upcoming European tour to attend a friend's wedding, which seemed unprofessional to his older brother Jeff.

Who is "the boss" of the band? Was Jack right to ask to schedule the band's tourdates around his own schedule? These questions, and more, answered by the Honorable Judge John Hodgman.

You may subscribe to the podcast in iTunes or through this RSS feed.

ALSO, an important buzz marketing message! You, the JJHo listener should know that the Judge's book of fake trivia and world knowledge, THAT IS ALL, can now be pre-ordered for its release on 11/1/11.

Come out and see John present excerpts from the book at The Bell House in Brooklyn on November 1st, and then on tour in a city near you. Check Areas of My Expertise for current dates!

Judge John Hodgman Episode 34: De Plane

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For this case, we are joined by guest bailiff Jake Tapper, who you may know from his day job as ABC News Senior White House Correspondent and occasional hosting of ABC's This Week. Thanks again to Jake, who took time away from covering important political events to join us.

Elisabeth and Melissa are good friends and enthusiastic travelers, who often journey together on planes and in cars across the country. While their traveling styles mesh for the most part, they are divided on a hot-button issue: the correct way to de-plane once you've arrived at your destination.

Elisabeth, who prefers to take the aisle seat, believes that the aisle-sitter bears some burden of judgment, and may choose to wait a reasonable amount of time before stepping into the aisle, without asking permission of his or her seatmates.

Melissa, on the other hand, is frequently a window-seater, and believes that people should abide by the "row by row" rule as a general rule. Melissa thinks that Elisabeth (or whoever is aisle-sitting) should ASK before letting others off the plane before them.

WHO IS RIGHT, and WHO IS WRONG? Only Judge Hodgman can decide.

Judge John Hodgman Episode 33: Hors d'oeuvres in the Court

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Mike's three children were enticed to try a foreign food -- bacon-wrapped scallops -- by an offer from their father of $5 for each boy. However, Mike now claims that since the boys enjoyed the food, he no longer owes them compensation. Mike's wife Ellen represents the boys in court.

You may subscribe to the podcast in iTunes or through this RSS feed.

For more from John Hodgman, visit Areas of My Expertise.

Judge John Hodgman Episode 32: The Cow Beef

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Ted brings this case against his father Paul, who has become obsessed with cows. Ted argues that his father's cow collection and his inclination to randomly say the word cow, among other issues, indicate the need to tamp down the cow-talk. Paul argues that his obsession is merited, because "cows are our most important animal friends."

You may view the evidence after the jump, and as always, you may subscribe to the podcast in iTunes or through this RSS feed.

Judge John Hodgman Episode 31: Garbage Man and Wife

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Matt Haughey of Metafilter and his wife Kay split household chores right down the middle, except when it comes to garbage duty. Does the person taking out the trash have "garbage hands" that are only suitable to replace the trash bag and deal with all matters dirty?

Below, the evidence submitted for the case.

"This is me taking a trash bag out of our kitchen trash can and putting a new bag in. Notice how my hands never touch part of the bag that contained garbage and how the new bag goes in without touching any previously garbaged surface."

Here are photos of the gavel mentioned in the case.

ALSO: You may subscribe to the podcast in iTunes or through this RSS feed.

Judge John Hodgman Episode 30: Ob-Law-Di, Ob-Law-Da

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Pat and Joe come before the court with a case about that famous rock band, The Beatles. Pat claims that The White Album is one of The Beatles' worst albums and has a scattered approach. Joe argues that the album benefits from its variance and is one of their best works. Who is correct?

ALSO: You may subscribe to the podcast in iTunes or through this RSS feed.

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