Holy shit, what a trash fire. We're sorry we made anyone watch this. Because, like, DAMN. Every minute of this thing was worst than the previous minute, and this bad boy started out with a pretty rough first minute, so. WOOF.
This week, we're hungrily tearing into the new Ellen DeGeneres/Drew Barrymore collabo First Dates, in which a bunch of folks go on First Dates with varying degrees of success. It's a breath of fresh air, y'all.
We're fresh off the MaxFunDrive, and ... well, okay, "fresh" maybe isn't the right word. We are shambling husks of our former selves, full stop. But that's not going to stop us from finishing up our recap of the very first season of The Bachelorette!
Happy week two of the MaxFunDrive! We hope you'll think about supporting our show if you've got the means! Either way, we're gonna recap the first season of The Bachelorette for you so, so right.
HEEEEYYYYYYYYY DO YOU ALL LIKE CORRRRRRRRNNNNN?!?!?! This is a Corn-heavy episode, because the Bachelor has become a television show that's exclusively about Corn, and her wayward journey to find love.
Did we all communally experience last night's episode of The Bachelor in a group fever dream? Did we really witness a Backstreet Boys dance-off, a floating post-yartz smooch and a bouncy castle hook-up? IS THIS THE MATRIX? ARE WE IN THE MATRIX?
PREPARE FOR BLASTOFF. We're diving into the details and stats of ALL 30 of the contestants for the upcoming season of The Bachelorette. Will Nick Viall, that milk-fed beauty, find love this time around? Like they always say, the third time's the charm! And if it isn't, then fuck it, give 'em a fourth time. Let's keep throwing this dude-spaghetti at the wall until he sticks.